How to Find Answers Within Yourself - with Kathy Walden

Get ready for an incredibly open-hearted chat with Kathy Walden that feels like a big, warm hug! 

Kathy is a spiritual life coach who's been through the deep work herself, and she’s here to remind us that the guidance we've been searching for is already whispering inside us. 

In this episode of Thrive after 45™️, we’re talking about what it truly means to stop searching for the answers and start listening to the wisdom within.

Kathy's own journey, which included facing a rock bottom moment and a 55-year-old memory of childhood molestation, taught her a profound truth...

Everything changes when you learn to love and trust yourself.

It’s a powerful conversation about moving from being a victim to taking full responsibility for your life - which is the key to spiritual growth.

We dive into how you can start your spiritual journey without having to hit a crisis point first (because who wants to do that?), and what you can do instead of continuing to look outside yourself for validation. 

You'll hear us riff on:

• Why finding a mentor or getting into trauma therapy can be a game-changer on your path, especially if they point you inward rather than acting as a guru. 
• The incredible ripple effect of your actions, energy, and healing—it’s much bigger than you realize, affecting your kids, parents, and generations before and after you. 
• The difference between your soul speaking and your fear whispering: soul-talk is always simple, quiet, and loving. 
• A great actionable tip for building self-trust: the rule of not saying anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to your best friend. 
• The beautiful realization that growth is forever - it doesn’t stop at some imaginary finish line. 

Kathy's wisdom reminds us that we are truly enough and that you don't have to walk this challenging but ultimately rewarding spiritual journey alone. 

Give this episode a listen if you're ready to break down the walls of people-pleasing, ditch the mask you've been wearing, and finally say, "I'm tired of playing by everybody else's rules!" 

Find Kathy Walden here:

TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@kathyspiritualcoach, 

IG https://www.instagram.com/kathywaldenspiritualcoach/

Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.

And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!

Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.

Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!

Transcript

0:05

Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive after 45. I'm Denise Drink Walter heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor. Every week I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving beyond 45. Together we'll uncover the whispers of the heart. The power of midlife transformation and the wisdom that fuels expansion. What if the guidance you've been seeking has been whispering to you all along? Not from the outside world, but from the quiet truth within. It is such an honor and a privilege to welcome and introduce Kathy Walden to our show today. Kathy is a spiritual life coach whose personal journey through deep spiritual growth led her to the most profound realization of all that everything changes. When you learn to love and trust yourself. For the past five years, Kathy has been walking beside both women and men who find themselves standing in the uncertainty of life's decisions. She helps them awaken their intuition, lean into self-trust, and remember that clarity doesn't come from control. It comes from connection. This conversation is for anyone ready to stop searching for the answers and to start listening to the wisdom that's been within them all along. Welcome to our show today, Kathy. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. That was like everyone else says, what a great introduction. Fantastic. Yes. You hit the nail on the head. We look outside all the time, don't we? For the answers? Yes. Well, and we were taught that from a really young age. Right? So of course we keep doing that and, and then it gets amplified by the movies and the shows we watch. And I mean, I remember growing up the Disney, right? It was always a prince who came to save us instead of ourselves until Disney started changing some of that, where it was like, oh wow. As a woman, we can now. Do what we want and choose and choose what we want. Yeah. And wait for someone to say this, but, and, and it's so, so in line with what our show is all about. Mm-hmm. Giving women nuggets of gold because it is gold mm-hmm. That we talk about during our conversations that allow them to go, oh my gosh. I never thought of it that way, or, oh my goodness, this is something that I kind of wondered about. But then I thought, Hmm, I'm doing something a little weird over here. Or maybe, uh, what's wrong with me? This doesn't, nobody else is talking like this. Right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. What happened? Was there a specific incident that occurred for you to start to. Shut the outside noise off and start that inner journey. Was there a moment in time that you can remember? There's the, there's the precipice. There was the starting point for me. Right, right. You know, it's interesting as you ask this question, I think about the many different times, right? It was almost like an i I talk about how you, it's an onion and you're unpeeling it and unpeeling it and unpeeling it. So the specific time. There were many specific times, but what I really think of is it's almost like I had to hit my rock bottom. Mm. In order to truly surrender and go, wow, I can't keep doing what I'm doing.'cause what I'm doing is not working. But then again, I did spiritual work for 25, 25 years and thought, but there was still something missing and I couldn't get to, what is it? Yeah. And then, um, I had an experience and I had a memory come back of being molested as a child. And at this time, I'm 55 years old and this memory comes back and I'm like, all of a sudden it was like, oh, no wonder I made the choices. I made no wonder I chose the men. I chose. No wonder I kept feeling like I was, I was a victim, but I wasn't a victim. I didn't understand that. And it was almost like once that almost felt like a final puzzle piece to what was going on spiritually, because I just couldn't find that real piece that I was really looking for. Right. And so when that memory came up and I realized I was a victim, and now what am I gonna do with it? And now I can either continue to be a victim or I can go, wait a minute, I'm responsible now because I know that my life is mine. I don't have to, I don't have to give that to somebody else anymore or that power away. And so I think that was. A big moment for me. And then, mm-hmm. And then again, continuing the spiritual work and realizing that in order to move forward spiritually, you have to take full responsibility for everything in your life. And again, it doesn't mean you weren't a victim at some point, but you can no longer continue to be the victim because then you're not doing what you came here to do. You've just, you're staying in that ego kind of. Thing instead of being, um, in spirit and we came here, or I believe we've come here mm-hmm. To learn and grow spiritually and to become one with each other and one with God, or whatever you wanna call that you can call it. Sure. God, call it source. Whatever makes you comfortable. Because I definitely don't want people feeling like, oh my gosh, she's using God. Right. Yeah. No, fair. That's fair. Totally. Yeah. Uh, what I heard, there were quite a few nuggets there. One thing that I wanna uncover that is so important, and one of the big underpinnings of this show from my heart, is that I don't want people to have to hit that breakdown point in order to wake up. Right? If I, if we can do. Anything through our conversation here today, it's to show people you don't have to go so far down in order to come back up, and that's why you do the work you do because you now have the facility to be able to show people what you can do and not go down that slippery slope of I'm in the deepest, darkest, well of hell that I could ever imagine. Not saying you don't. Have, you know, um, that's not gonna not happen, but there's a better opportunity when we have these types of conversations. So thinking about it through that lens, what types of things would be important to our listeners to grapple with or hang on to as they may be? Starting a spiritual journey partway through whatever that may be for them, what could we give them? What could you give them as some stepping stones to help them so they don't go down? Right. Well, I think the most important thing, honestly, is finding a mentor or getting into therapy. Um. Also, I think trauma therapy is really important. So a lot of people I've worked with actually are in trauma therapy, and then we also work at the same time. So love that what we're working on with trauma, I'm working then in a, in a different way, the spiritual way of getting into your soul and what, what do you believe and, and all those things. So that really helped. So I'm a big fan of finding somebody. Yeah. Who is maybe a little bit further down the path than you. Mm-hmm. And having them help you along the way. And knowing that we're, you're not alone. Yes. I, I think so many times we think we're alone. Or for somebody like me who is, appears to be very confident, I was still incredibly insecure. Mm-hmm. And so, even though I was tough, my tough exterior had a lot to do with protection. Right. Right. So we, we just feel like we have to protect ourselves, protect our heart. Being vulnerable and, and really a real vulnerability is actually a strength, right? And not, not a negative. So I would suggest finding somebody who can really help you along your journey. Now, that, and, and that person needs to point you inward. Hmm. Thank you. They don't need to be your guru. They don't need to be your savior. They need to point you inward. Mm-hmm. That's, I believe that's when you know you have like a real spiritual teacher is because they will point you in into yourself. Right. Instead of going, well do it because I say, you should do it. I mean, yeah, you're surrounded by that. That is why Oh yeah. People are in careers that they don't love because their parents needed to do this. Or society has said, well, the only way you can make it big is this. I think it's interesting. You know, I, um, you can always have a little imposter syndrome. And as I watch some of the people you've had on your show, they have all these, you know, uh, things behind them. All the, well, they've taken this class, they've done this, they've done this. And I personally don't have that. But as I sit there and reflect on that, I realize I'm every person. Mm-hmm. Im every woman out there who is still making an impact, even though I don't have. Excuse me. Mm-hmm. All the letters behind my name, so I'm impacting and, and, um, somebody asked me the other day, what is your legacy? And I thought, gosh, what is my legacy? And then I thought, well, I raised my kids and I raised them to be. Wonderful young men who are being wonderful members of society. Yes. So that's two people I've affected. Well, those two people have now affected four people. And those four people have now affected 10 people and those 10 people. Right. So we don't realize the impact we have. No matter what you have, no matter your schooling, you have, you still have an impact on this world and you are what's making this society better. Just you impacting that small amount of people around you. Yeah. That, that ripple effect, right? Yes. The one stone and it ripples out and the ripples become larger and larger. And isn't it interesting that we don't even realize sometimes the impact that we are actually having with our words, our thoughts, our actions, whatever it may be, our energy. Yeah. Energy. A thousand percent. A thousand percent, right? Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. I worked with these kids. Um, I used to work with youth and one time we would, every Wednesday night we'd get together and we would journal for about 10 minutes. And I usually came in with a super positive attitude. And one time I decided, I'm gonna change this up. So I came in with this energy of, oh, I was so mad. And then we talked about that. I said, how did that energy affect you? And they're like, oh, wow, we thought you were serious. And then all of a sudden we were in a bad mood. Oh yeah. And I was like, and that is what energy does. So we gotta think about what are we bringing into the room. And sometimes that can be difficult. If you're spiraling down, you can't mm-hmm. Can't see that, that's the energy. But, you know, just being aware, awareness is so key to everything. Just being aware of how you're feeling, what's going on, what's around you is super key. Very, very important because what you, what you are feeling and what you are giving out is what you get back. Yes, definitely. Right? So if you're feeling people are super crusty with you. Yeah, there's a moment where you get to go, wait a minute, why is everybody crusty with me? Oh, I'm the common denominator. Let me check that again. And we all have moments, we all have days, we all have situations where that's gonna happen. Yeah. But to take, like you said, ownership and responsibility. Yeah. I'm kind of in a bad mood. Like I remember when I would be in a really off mood. I would go in. As a classroom teacher for many years. Mm-hmm. Kids, I gotta be upfront. I am not having a good day. When I shared that they would absolutely support me in ways that I couldn't ever ask for. Just so genuine, right. Beautiful. Just amazing. Yeah. So cool. Well, and we don't realize that. And, and maybe somebody's listening and they're like, well, I'm always in a bad mood, or I'm always like this and I just wanna let you know. You can always shift it. Yes. Always change it. I mean, if I, if you knew who I was 15, 20 years ago, you wouldn't think I was the same person. I mean, I, I've changed so much and a lot of people say, oh, you can't change. You can't. And I'm like, I am here to tell you you can change. And I think a lot of it has to do with, again, we've put on a mask of who we think people want us to be. Sure, but we're not being true to ourselves. And so that, again, that's. Working with people who are just tired of playing by what everybody else tells us. Yeah. Play by and go, wait a minute, I really want to, I wanna be an artist. I don't wanna be an accountant anymore. Okay, well, how, how do we make that happen? And, you know, and listening to yourself and trusting that part of you. So there's, the next question I'm gonna, I'm gonna filter through is trust. How did you find that journey of trusting yourself and giving yourself more kudos than. We ever do. I talk about celebrations all the time with my clients. How are you celebrating that? Celebrate. Well, it's just something I should do. No, no, no, no, no. That's a celebration. Look at what you just did there, right? Even if it's a word change in your vocabulary. Yes, definitely. Uh, you know, it's interesting because that there are still moments where I still struggle with that, right? I'm still very human and there are times when I'm like, you know, wait a minute. I wasn't being very kind to myself inside. There was something that shifted for me in the sense of, I remembered thinking if I can't say this to my friend, I shouldn't say it to myself. That was a really big shift because I remember how horrible my inward talk was, and I'd look in the mirror and tell myself all these horrible things. And I had a spiritual teacher who would say, okay, I want you every day to walk into the mirror, look at the mirror, not walk into the mirror, but, and say, I love you. I love you, I love you. And boy, that was really challenging. But then it also helped me to go, wait a minute, what is my other self-talk happening? And that's when I was like. Well, if I'm not willing to say that to my best friend, then why can I say that to myself? Right. So that was a really big shift for me. That's a great, and it's doable. It's doable. Yeah. People listening, that is an actionable step that you can take that Kathy has just shared. That can change your whole world if you choose to. Right? Yeah. It falls Yeah. Balls in your court, right? Yeah. And that's a part of taking responsibility, right? And it's hard. I mean, oh yeah. People been through really challenging things and they think, but, but I didn't get me here and I didn't do that. And I get it right. You, you're right. You didn't get you here. But, but from today forward, it's, what are you gonna do with that information? How are you gonna change that so you no longer have to be the victim to your family members to society, to even yourself. Yeah. Right? Yes. Yeah. Pulling in that self-leadership piece, which I think is. At the beginning of leadership of any kind mm-hmm. Um, is self-leadership. And that's talking what you talked already about the awareness. You can't even begin until you have the awareness. Mm-hmm. And then what's it, what do you want to choose to do with that? And how can you move yourself forward? Because we have choices every single day. And we did, we make choices every single day, so, yeah. Yeah. So, so many people can feel torn between. Logic and intuition. Hmm. How would you help somebody recognize their soul is speaking versus their fear whispering or their history? Whispering. Right, right. Well, when your soul speaks, it's gonna be quieter and it's gonna be very simple. Ah. And it's gonna be very loving. Three words, simple, quiet, loving. Yes. Perfect. But when our intellect gets involved, that's when we beat ourselves up. Oh, you can't do that. Why do you think you can do that? That is not the intuition. The intuition is always going to be, like you said, simple, loving and quiet. Love that. Do we quickly take that intuition and move it into the mind and then start playing with it and shutting it down. Oh, absolutely. Like a great practice. So this is a great practice. I love it. Yeah, it is. Is like today when, when your listeners are listening today from today till tomorrow, right? 24 hours. Think of something or you know, just as your day goes and then you listen to your first, usually it's your first one as your intuition. Okay. And your second one is your intellect or your ego. Sure. Pay attention to that. Then see how you feel with both things. Nice. And that that will, and just be aware, right? Again, we're back to awareness. Awareness is like the nu. Once you start being aware of the things you're doing, then you can do all the other things. Right. You can do all the other steps, but awareness is really key. And one of the things I used to do is I used to, um, I, I lived in New Orleans for a short time and I had to drive a certain way back to my apartment and I would go, okay, my intuition is saying to go this direction. Go right, and then I'll get right to my apartment. But instead of doing what my intuition said, I'd go the other direction just to test it. And every time I went the other direction, I got caught in traffic. I, there was something else that would happen and, and then every time I'd listened to my intuition, I got right there. It was almost like I was like testing it or practicing it in the opposite way. Most people say, oh, you just follow your intuition. I was like, no. I had to prove. That it was actually telling me the correct thing. And I loved it. Every time I went the wrong way, I was or the wrong way. Is there really a wrong way anyway? Um, but other direction, I was like delayed in some way and I would laugh'cause I was like, ah, see that's, that's your intuition, like trying to help you, to guide you and, and you don't, and look, most people know, right? As women especially, we've learned to be polite. Not cause a problem. Like a great example is when you walk into an elevator, uh, somebody walks in and you feel uncomfortable, and instead of walking out, we stay in there and then we're going, why did we do that? Mm-hmm. We have to trust that and Oh, well, so somebody's gonna think, oh, that's rude. Let them, yeah. Right? Yes. Go with. Yeah. Yeah. The people pleaser in us, and we have learned that as women, right? Mm-hmm. I mean, it really has been entrenched in us in every way, all the ways. Inside and out for centuries, right? Like it's so it's not going to change overnight, however. Mm-hmm. We have people like yourself, myself, those of us who are supporting women to understand the power that they have within and start using it. Ignite that fire that exists deep within you. And when you start noticing, like you were sharing the awareness piece, I love what you were saying in terms of turning right and left. Mm-hmm. What came through my intuition or my download as you were speaking was you as that learner. We're testing because you like to keep learning. That's what you shared near the beginning. You're a learner. Yes. So you were really testing, but also putting it through the paces and really learning mm-hmm. About this intu intuitive piece of something as simple as which way to go home. Right, right, right. Doesn't have to be sitting in meditation for six hours and finally something pops in. Right. Well, and if we can't make decisions with smaller things, how can we make de beautiful decisions? Right? So that was my way of trusting it on a really simple decision. So then when it comes later, I mean, I had a chance with a partner where we were disagreeing on something and I said, if this doesn't get resolved, I am out. Yep. Like I and my intuition knew that it, this was a, this was, this was a do not pass go. Right? And then it got resolved the next morning in such a beautiful way. I was like, wow. Like, that just again proved to me that when you trust your intuition and you go with your intuition. Then things will work out either way. They will either work out where then you're on your own doing your own thing or you're still with your partner and you work that out and you go through other things. But that, that was a great moment for me to understand and learn even more about trusting myself and what I. And isn't that powerful, that it doesn't, there is no end point. Yeah. Yes. Well, and I'll tell you what, it the, when I learned that growth is forever. Yeah. Instead of going, well, when is it gonna stop? When is it gonna, I used to drive me crazy. I was like, why can't I just get there? And now when I realize it's continuous, there's always gonna be growth. And that's the beauty of it. Instead of it being a problem like, oh, well, I'll never get to. Z No, you'll, you'll continue to, the Zs keep going, right? Yeah. I mean there's no end point. And it's a beautiful thing. It's so fascinating. And, and the other thing that I notice, and I don't know if you notice the same, it can get deeper too. Yeah. In terms of the things that are coming through for us as we continue to keep ourselves open to the possibilities. Right. Absolutely. Well, and it, um, I, I think about like when we get triggered by something and, and a lot of the people think, oh, I'm triggered and oh, I gotta do this again. And it's like, but it's like a spiral. Yeah. And in a good, well, it's hard to go up and down'cause then you think you're going lower, but. But the, it's a spiral and you're learning something new every time you get triggered. So it's a new level of understanding that trigger. Yes, and, and I, I wanna remind people that when you get triggered, that's again, you're aware that you're getting triggered and it's a time to heal that trigger. And it's not bad. It's actually a beautiful thing because now you can get on the other side of that trigger and it's like, oh, it's glorious, and, and then you'll have another trigger, but you get a little break in between hopefully. Yeah. And you've got new strategies. You've got a new lens with which you can see it. Yeah. And then you can start to tune into your body because our bodies trigger before we do. Yeah, there's deep stuff going on in our bodies all the time. Mm-hmm. All the time. And we get to decide what we're gonna do with that. Right? Yeah. So, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. My goodness. Um, any. Thoughts you really want to make sure that our audience knows. Before we close our conversation today, is there anything that we, I mean, there's to tons we haven't touched on. I know that, but it's like, oh, that opens a can of worms. I try to say it in a way that it doesn't sound like that, but is there any nuggets that you wanna make sure our listeners really tune into as we close off our conversation today? Kathy? I think we've talked about so many different things that I think those are kind of the key things that I really touch on with my clients. It's taking full responsibility. It's um, paying attention to the triggers, being aware of whatever, right? Aware that you're being triggered, aware that you're not taking responsibility. Mm-hmm. Um, and then I think it's just knowing that you truly are enough. Yeah, that you don't have to be something to everyone out there, but you have to be something to yourself. Mm. Like if you really, truly love yourself, then it doesn't matter if other people love you. But it's almost a strange thing that the more you love yourself, the more other people will love you, and it, it is a trickle down theory, right? Mm-hmm. The more you heal yourself, you're also healing. Your children, you're healing your parents. You're healing generations behind you and generations before you. And so healing is, it's an amazing thing. And it's challenging, right? It's not easy. Mm-hmm. When we go on the spiritual journey, it is not for the faint of heart. It is challenging, but the rewards are so amazing and I want you to know, you do not have to do this alone. Yeah. Find somebody else. And I know it's scary for people who are introverts. It might be very scary to let somebody in or talk to somebody, but, but we are meant to be in communion with each other. Right. And so find somebody that you can talk to and somebody you can share with. And somebody you can say, I'm struggling today. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And in that, so important to have that judgment free zone. Because we are already in judgment in our own self, so we need to have a container that is totally judgment free and safe. Absolutely. I, I think that was, again, another turning point for me was having a spiritual teacher who created that space for me, where when I went to her and I said everything I said, she loved me re regard, she didn't tell me I needed to change who I was. She didn't say, oh, you're horrible for thinking that she actually just gave me that unconditional love that I really needed. Love that. Yeah. Look at, that's what you spin out yourself, right? So very much the trickle effect, but I also like to call that the ripple effect, right? Where, and I love how you shared, you know, when you love on yourself. The impact is way wider than you can imagine it. It is not egotistical to give back to you for you by you because of you. It is absolutely not, and we are breaking down those walls with all these conversations we're having so women understand they are the most important person in their lives. Yes, definitely. Mm-hmm. Yes. I love all the conversations you're having with people. I think it's fantastic and I wish it had been around 10 years ago when I was, you know, going through things and just being able to hear other people's experiences and go again, I'm not alone. Just to know you're not alone is totally amazing. A hundred percent and it's an, it's such a blessing to be able to have these conversations and to be able to share in thinking and experiences and stories and give the audience some nuggets. That give them the ability to go, I got this, and I'm worthy. Because everybody is born worthy. No matter what you've been told or what you've been shown or what you has happened, there is a way out. So make sure that you find Kathy will have all the information in the show notes. You can find her in all the spaces. And Kathy, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. And you're calm, so wonderful. Well, thank you for having me. I've just enjoyed my time talking to you and I appreciate everything that you're doing for our society and for women in general and you know, let's just keep growing and, yeah. You know, be being who we came here to be. Exactly. Exactly. It's time to find ourselves and shine our lights. Yeah. If this, um, episode has resonated, make sure you give a follow, you share, reviews, all the things you can find us on all the platforms and what activated in you. Claim your Sovereignty Me Academy expands you.