The LIE Midlife Women Believe About Being Broken - with Elizabeth Kelly

Hey friend, you need to grab a cup of coffee and sit down for this one. This episode of Thrive After 45™ with the incredible Elizabeth Kelly is truly honest and so, so needed.

Elizabeth is a transformative self-love and mindset coach who came on the show to share her whole, messy, beautiful journey of navigating divorce, finding sobriety, and having to completely rebuild her life from the inside out.

Her story is standing proof that the pain that once cracked you open was never meant to destroy you, but to actually awaken you to the woman you were always supposed to be.

We have an open-hearted conversation about identity and the moment Elizabeth realized she had to stop trying to erase her past.

She talks about changing her name (from Foster to Kelly!) and shares a powerful piece she wrote called "Beautifully Broken."

She explains that healing is really about integrating all your stories, owning them, and thanking them for getting you here. 

This conversation is your permission slip to realize you can be messy and still be worthy.

If you’ve ever felt like you were just hustling through the first half of life, only to pause and wonder, "Wait, who am I underneath all this?" this is the episode for you. 

She gives us the first, most crucial step to take when you're feeling totally stuck. 

This one is going to light a fire under you and remind you that you are whole, complete, and exactly where you need to be.

Connect with Elizabeth Kelly:

Instagram: @elizabeth_fortheloveofself

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elizabethfortheloveofself

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/fortheloveofself.coach?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=f8751429-1e8b-4eec-b998-3fddda411bb1

Email: elizabeth@fortheloveofself.coach

Schedule time for a FREE clarity call: https://calendly.com/elizabeth-fortheloveofself/strategy-call-with-coach-elizabeth

Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.

And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!

Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.

Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!

Transcript

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Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive after 45. I'm Denise Drink, heart whisperer, midlife, mirror and mentor. Every week I am absolutely honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving beyond 45. Together we'll uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and the wisdom that fuels expansion. Yeah. What if the pain that once cracked you open was absolutely never meant to destroy you, but to awaken you to the woman you were always meant to be. Such an honor and a privilege to welcome and introduce Elizabeth. Foster to Thrive after Founder of For the Love of Self-Coaching and host of the Self-Love Lounge podcast. Elizabeth is a transformative self-love and mindset coach. She's on a mission to ignite inner transformation, her own story. Through the messy middle of divorce, sobriety and rebuilding her life from the inside out became the foundation of her work and her contribution to rattled awake volume seven. A passionate advocate for self-worth and empowerment. Elizabeth has guided over 150 women to silence their inner critics, reclaim their voice, and build lives rooted in love, authenticity, and peace. As a contributor, contributor to her Nation magazine, she continues to amplify a movement that reminds women everywhere. When you know your worth, you shift the world, and today she's standing as living proof that healing is how you healing yourself. Is how you begin to heal the world. Welcome to our show today, Liz. Thank you, Denise. I'm so excited to be here with you today. Thank you for having me. You know, the last time we connected and met, I wasn't able to share the depth and breadth of what I just shared today, and it wasn't that long ago that we connected right. Yeah, it was just about a year ago. Yeah. Right. And I, and I'm reading it and I'm looking at everything that you, because audience, what I do is I send a few questions just to help me create an introduction for the fabulous guests that I have. And I'm reading the answers to the questions and I'm like, well, she didn't use to do that. And she did, wait a minute, how long ago did we connect? Fabulous. Isn't it incredible what happens when we start to look after ourselves from the inside out? How things just start growing and expanding beyond our imaginations Can. Reveal there is. It sure is. And actually one of the things that has changed, which clearly I haven't updated my name is it's now Elizabeth Kelly, no longer Elizabeth Foster. Um, and so I. In the last year have just really kind of ballooned and expanded in a, in a bunch of different ways, which I'd love to share with you when it makes sense. But, you know, certainly this journey that I've been on, there was no, there was no roadmap. It was. You know, feeling it out as I went. And man, it's amazing how many doors open and how much changes when you just allow things to come to you versus you pushing things into a certain direction. So again, so happy to be here. I love the work you do, and thank you. Well, thank you for clarifying the name, because as I was reading, I was like, uhoh, it says Foster better go with. Yeah, I know. I was like, oh man. I just noticed too that I didn't change it on Zoom either, so my apologies with, oh, you know what? It o isn't this the wonderful thing about just doing a conversation because it's opening up new pathways of our conversation. So you have gone through a lot of changes. We would love to understand. That journey. If you could take us on the journey from Foster. To Kelly and beyond, tell us what, what's going on. Yeah, so I would love to share that story with you. And I actually just wrote a poetic essay on this because, um, and it, I've noticed like this is coming up a lot in the last few days, so it clearly there's something that is conspiring. Um, but I talked about. When you have one identity and you carry that identity for so long, and then you transcend into this new identity, what what I expected to happen was almost like. This rebirth where kind of like when you burn a house burns down and then you build a new house on top of it, right? And then that's gone, poof. Gone. And then you have this new home and this new life. Well, it doesn't quite work that way because what happens in that process? And what we don't realize is even though you might have transcended into this new identity, the old identity still exists within you, right? And that part of you served a purpose and still wants a voice and this new part of your life. And so by shutting that out. It's not allowing you the full potential of growth and evolution that we're here and meant to do. And so by befriending that part of myself and thanking it for helping me to become the person I am today, it allowed me to kind of take those two identities and put them together into one, which I'm so grateful for, to now be Elizabeth Kelly. A slash foster slash effort, um, because all three of those people are me and who I am today, they represent parts of me that help me be and stand where I am, if that helps. And I'd love to share what I wrote. Yes. If you're please. Oh, I'd love that. Please do. Okay, so I'm in the middle of writing a book. Of course you are. And this, this, um, this poetic essay is called Beautifully Broken Oh. And it says, I'm learning to befriend the parts of myself I once rushed to erase. The versions I abandoned out of shame, out of guilt, out of fear that they made me feel unworthy. Some people cleanse, some people are reborn. I got divorced, I got sober, and I moved 10 hours away. Life has its own way of doing the cleansing, but now I know this. I have to love every version of me. Elizabeth Ann, er, Elizabeth Foster, Elizabeth Kelly. Each name holds a story. Each version holds a truth, and none of them are mistakes. They all played a part in my becoming. I would be, I wouldn't be here without them. They carried me through. They protected me. They did the best they could with what they knew. So when old feelings rise, when past versions sneak in through the back door of memory, I don't shame them anymore. I listen, I remember, and I hold space because healing isn't about burying the past. It's about integrating it, owning it, thanking it. No one likes to look in the mirror and see the versions of themselves they wish they could forget. But those are often the parts still waiting to be seen, still waiting to be loved. Shame keeps us stuck. Silence keeps us locked down. So instead, I'm choosing to honor my past selves, to give them a voice, to give them a name, to show them you can be broken and still beautiful. You can be messy and still worthy, and you can be unfinished and still belong. This is how we become whole again. Liz. Oh, so much depth and wisdom. Yeah. I'm getting teary. Just give me a minute. Those who are not on the visual, um, just wiping my tears. Okay. We're good. We're gonna move on, you know. As I'm listening to what you're saying, part of me is absolutely, the, the word isn't astounded. I, I can't come up with a word right now. It might come through me, but right now it's stuck, but so incredibly honored to be in this space with you, to allow that to be shared in a way that. People who are listening, it will be touching to them because they will see themselves somehow mirrored through those words, even though we all have our own journeys. That's right. And And I absolutely love how you started at the very beginning, sharing this was my journey. Other people do have this, this, because we all have our own journey. That's right. And the beautiful piece about what you're sharing is that. We are who we are. All of the fragments have made us complete. It's just how we vision that completeness. And the more we fight it, the bigger it rises in terms of the negative, the more we welcome it in, the more it becomes our wholeness. Right, right. Yes, yes. Thank you. That that was good. So incredible. You've had such a road and I do believe in my heart of hearts and soul of souls, people hear me say this all the time because it is my belief that everything you have experienced has happened for the reason that only you can understand. That's right. And make sense of, right. Yeah. I that I do very much so. So how does someone hearing that beautiful writing as they're sitting there in their stuckness, going, okay, look at what she's, how, how do I, I am, I'm a mess. I'm an, I'm an outright mess. What do I do with this? Words of wisdom to help our audience. Start a process, a journey uncovering whatever that needs to look like for them. Sure. And I mean, I, I think a little backstory to that Yeah. Is that, you know, I don't, I don't look at myself any different than a lot of women in the sense that I think we spend, you know, the first half of our lives building and hustling and trying to get to this place where we can say, okay, I did it right. And then we get there and we're like, oh, but did I even want any of this? Or was I just doing this based on beliefs and old conditioning and what I was told to do? Who am I underneath all this? Right? And some people, some people are brave enough to ask themselves that question, but a lot of, a lot of people are not, right? Mm-hmm.'cause when we ask that question. We're forcing ourselves to answer it. And when we answer it, ooh, now we're opening ourselves up to a whole new thing. Right, right. And that's scary, scary, scary stuff. So one of the first things I always suggest is. To sit and ask yourself that question because I think we get so lost in the day to day. Right? Just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And sometimes intentionally and sometimes not, but you're regardless. We're doing all the things right for distraction because when we stop, ooh, all of the little rascals start running through our head, and then it's like, oh boy, here we go. Right? Mm-hmm. So I say, just slow down for a minute. I want you to just really think underneath everything that you're holding right now, and that that could look very differently for a lot of people. Yeah. But whatever it looks like, what is underneath all of that, like if you sit with yourself and really ask yourself, honestly, who am I and what do I want? Who am I and what do I want? Two big questions. Mm-hmm. Yeah. For some they may know and just think, Ooh, that's way outta reach. And for some they might not have a clue at all. They might be so dista, you know, detached from themselves that they don't even know what that really means. Right, right. So that's where you gotta begin is just kind of digging a little deeper to into yourself to really understand what that looks like, what that means for yourself, and when you do understand, okay, well now we have something to work with. Right? So now it's okay. I've been married for 20 years. I've been drinking so I don't have to deal with everything that I, all those big emotions mm-hmm. And all the scary things that I don't wanna face. And I've been doing all the things that look great on paper, but really are not bringing me any joy or meaning. Right. Right. So now what do I do? Right. Well, when you understand what it is you want. From where you are. Okay, so now we have something right? Here's where I'm at, here's where I wanna be right now. Let's close the gap. How do we get there? And what we have to understand is the first thing we need in order to even make any forward movement is belief in ourself. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. Believe that we have the ability to create change for ourself that we're worth. That change because if for any reason we don't, then we won't. Right? Yep. Once we do, okay, now, right now, once we start building some of that self-worth and confidence. Now we have something to work with and now we have a vision. So now it's putting those little practices in place that help us movement, right? So now we can say, Hey, what can I do? What's one small thing? And I call'em micro habits. What's small? One small thing I can do today that will give me forward movement? And you just keep building upon that. I mean. I didn't start here, right? Yeah, exactly. And I hope I'm nowhere near finish, but I didn't start here. Right? I took one courageous step forward to say, this is all I said, this is not what I want. This is not what I want anymore. Right? Yeah. That one, that one sentence. Transcended into a completely different identity in life. And so it is possible if, and I, I know this is kind of cliche, but if I do it, anybody can do it. Right? We all have the power in us to do it. It really just stems from, again, the belief we carry and then the ability to really get curious and ask ourselves those two hard questions. Yeah. Do you find that the clients that you work with every journey timeline because like you suggested, well, I hope I'm not done. I totally, totally believe that. Like my, when my growth stops is my last breath. That's how I perceive living life, um, is everybody's journey. Timeline as it were to help change the course and build their new identity. As you suggested, it doesn't mean you lose your other, it, it folds into the new to help you continue to grow into all that you can be. Um, is it different for everyone? Um, that's a really good question. I am not sure I have the. True answer to that, I guess it's sure. But in, yeah, I guess I'll give you what I believe to be true. Perfect. Yep. I don't think everyone carries the same, the, the same story. Yeah. But I do believe that everybody. Has the power within them to transcend that story into a different ending. How we get where we are looks a little different for everybody, but I think there's a lot of different components to that. So that's where I'm, I'm, I'm staggering because it's a hubby It's a loaded question. Yeah. Because here's the thing, you know, the women I meet with. There's a lot of things that are different, but there's also a lot of things that are same, and the commonality is, I'm gonna be honest, what, what most people come to me and want and need is one space, me to hold space for them. Mm-hmm. Behind that is they want permission. Yeah. They want permission. They want permission. They want someone to say it's okay. It's okay to feel how you feel. It's okay to want what you want. Yeah. I mean, I've had someone, I've had a client come to me every single time she wants to do something and say, is this okay? Do you think this is wrong? Do you think this is bad? Do you think I sh and I'm like, what do you think? Because the answer isn't really a right or wrong, it's just a right or wrong for you. Right. Right. So, you know, that's where I get stuck with that because it is, you know, there, it could swing both ways for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And, and I appreciate the honest and intuitive answer you just shared because there is, we are complex human beings. But the complexities run far and deep. We talk about it, oh, well, if you do this and you do that, there is no scripted answer for this work. The answer lies within you and the capacity for you to be able to eventually hold space for yourself. Yeah, to be true to your heart, to your feelings, to your emotions. To let them be as they need to be so that you feel safe, honored, and loved in your own self-worth is the ultimate goal. Right? For sure. And I think so many of us look outside of ourselves for all of those things. Right. To be loved, to be validated, right. To to find our worth. Yeah. The reality is no one can give you that. Yeah. That is something you have to give yourself. And I think that's one of the bigger challenges across society today is we're all hustling and looking for things outside of ourselves when if we could just slow down and stop, we'd find everything we need right within us and, and that's a broken record that's played consistently worldwide. We hear it all the time. What. Happens. I feel, and I could be totally wrong, but this has been my experience with the women I work with and the people that I support, is that that noise outside has been not only loud, but consistent through time since the beginning of toddlerhood, right? Because, and so the training ground is wide and deep and consistent for years. The beautiful thing is people like yourself, like myself, like those in the world who are making a difference, to show that we have the power within to make changes, and we don't need that permission beyond, we are starting to uncover the truth of our, our heart and our soul. And the further the world goes into disarray, it's almost like the polar opposite. The more we are rising. Not in combat or conflict, but in communion, in connection to change the wave. And I love your mission. You know, tell us about what your overall mission is so that people can really resonate with this isn't just a flash in the pan with Liz today. Yes. She has a big mission and vision. So would you love to share that with us?'cause we'd love to hear it. Yeah, I would love that. Thank you for asking. You know, I think, um, I'm constantly redefining that. Mm-hmm. If I'm being honest. Yeah. The more I walk in this path and in this journey, um, there's more parts of myself I uncover and I don't try to limit myself in any direction, but I just stay open to what is kind of coming before me and the different opportunities, you know. Um, I've always, and I was thinking about this the other day since I was little, I always had this. I, I don't know how to explain it. It was just this drive and passion that I, I was gonna be somebody I was gonna, I was gonna, I was going to help people that needed help in some capacity. And when I went through, you know, my divorce and I went through sobriety and I rebuilt my career and I moved across the country and all the things, right. Um. I knew that what I wanted most was to take my experiences and pay it forward, right? Because I don't believe we experience anything without a purpose for it. I think if we can, it's not what happens to us, it's what we do with what happens to us. And I think if we can take that pain and turn it into a purpose and give it a voice and help others who are in those same situations, um. I think that's really the whole meaning of life, right? Mm-hmm. Is building that connection community and giving back. And so this work that I've been on and this path I've been on for the last three years has continued to develop and change and morph into something very beautiful. But each, you know, season it looks a little different. So I've gone through and done a lot of the coaching and continue to mm-hmm. Um, I also found that myself in a space a year ago, a little over a year ago, where, you know, private pay wasn't always easy for everyone, especially in the economy we're in. And so I said, okay, what can I do to reach more people? Right? Because I don't wanna limit the people I can help based on, you know, financial reasons. I wanna help anyone that wants help, right. And so I said, well, no problem. I can go back and get my MAR master's in clinical therapy and then I can accept insurance and help everybody that wants help that has insurance and can't afford private pay. Mm-hmm. And so that's what I did. And I've always had this can-do attitude, right? Like there's nothing I can't do. I limit, I, you know, the only limit is the limit I put on myself. Right? Yeah. So I did, and I have been, I'm over a year into my program and it's a two and a half year program. So I am been going through, and I'll tell you, I am learning so much, not only about the work, but about myself through this process. It's been so rewarding and, and, um, alongside that came this opportunity to write. And do more writing and to put this book together. And so I've been working on that in addition to doing some community work in the community, um, with, um, the homeless mm-hmm. And trafficking victims. Um, wow. A lot around behavioral health, mental health. Yeah. Substance abuse and, whew. If that doesn't keep you humble and make you realize how fortunate we really are, it really puts things into perspective, let me tell you. I bet. And sometimes I look back and I'm like, how did I get here? Yeah. Right. Um. You know, I went from, you know, you know, one, one complete per to a completely different, but I said to myself, you know what? This is what God intended for me all along. This is where I was supposed to be in the work I was supposed to be doing, and the person that I truly am. And so I'm grateful for each and every opportunity that's in my path right now because it's allowing me. To just have a bigger reach and it's allowing me to really just keep uncovering this, this, yeah, full life that I'm so blessed to experience and share. Amazing. See, I didn't know all of that. All these doors of impact that are wide open and you are just walking through because your heart and soul knows. How to do the listening. Yeah. What a beautiful gift that you have unwrapped and continue to expand. So honored to spend this time and space with you. Um, I do have another question. Okay. Please, about healing relationship with yourself because we're talking, you do a lot of work around self-love. I'm sure all of that is at the. Foundational piece of everything that you do every day for you and for those around you. Um, how can healing your relationship with yourself transform like all the areas in your life from relationship to purpose and beyond? How is that so important? Everything starts with you. Hmm. Right. You're the foundation for everything. And you know, self-love is a bit of a cliche, right? Mm-hmm. People are like, well, what does that even mean? Yeah. Um, but what it means is it's just getting to know yourself. Mm-hmm. It really starts with just getting to know who you are, what you want, but then also honoring that. Thank you. But we have to honor. Empower ourselves to be okay in our own skin with who we are. You know? And I believe we all have superpowers, right? We all have gifts that we're here to give and share, but it's really understanding what that all means because how can we love someone else? If we don't even love ourselves, right? So as far as relationships go, you have to really have a good understanding and good self-awareness for who you are as an individual and really love and appreciate that person before you can give it away and share it with someone else. And, um, you know, in my opinion, that's why a lot of relationships don't work out because we look to the other person, right? To fill those parts of ourselves versus doing it for ourself. A partner was never meant to be the Jerry Maguire. You completely. I'm sorry. The, the, the point of a partnership is really to add value and to share, you know, be like, young Pueblo says two rivers flowing beside each other, right. Not being one river together. Mm-hmm. And so I just feel that there is such an important component when it comes to relationships and really having that element of self-love. And as far as everything else goes, I mean, unless you can speak honestly about. What it is you really want. Mm-hmm. You're gonna accept everything you get out in the world, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. If you don't know what your values and beliefs are, and truly appreciate them for what they are, and so having that awareness allows you to step up into the world from a place of authenticity. Which allows everything to align and feel better, which means you show up better, which means everything as a result is better. Right? Right. When we go out as a half a person and we take everything we get, well then what are we? Who are we even? We're a result of everyone else, not a result of ourselves. And the idea is to pour out, not pour in. Right? Right. Like we be able to stand on solid footing and pour out who we are to share that with the world versus just taking everything we can get. So, um. I think there's some, still some work to do in that regard. Um, but I do think that there's so many of these, um, there's so many books and shows and podcasts such as this out there that are really helping to deliver that message. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I think it is helping. Yeah. Um, I just look forward to the point when we can all just stand a little taller. Yeah. And prouder of who we are. Exactly. And not in competition. Because once, right. Because once we understand who we really are, all of the, I I've experienced all of the energy that we've taken in over the years about who we think we are, it literally dissipates. We sh life just comes differently. Life feels different. Yes. Yes. Things happen that we could never explain otherwise. And I don't know if you find this, but I, I hear this all the time. It's slowly shifting, but so slow. But that's okay. Good things take time. Oh, you do. And you know, as long as it's moving forward and not staying or going back, then I'm, I'm okay with that. I think we just, I think we, living in a society where we can really stay true to, you know, meaning and purpose and connection and the things that really resonate is wholeness. Versus chasing things that we can't take with us, so to speak, I think really can exemplify the representation of self and really transcend and change the world as a whole one step at a time. Yeah, and and I totally agree and believe that we are starting to see that happening in ripples, and it's really about a ripple effect. Liz, keep doing what you're doing. Keep being exploring and understanding you because the world is benefiting hugely with your presence, your energy, your gifts, and your talent. So thank you so much. Is there anything you would love to share with our audience before we wrap up our conversation today that you wanna leave a little golden nugget that you haven't already shared? I, I think one of the things I love to tell all of my ladies is, um, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to be who you are. Speak your truth. Um. Take the big leap, right? Uh, so many of us are afraid of failure. And failure is how we learn and grow. And through some of the darkest moments and those cracks is where the light shines in, and we get to really find our true path. So don't fear that. Embrace it. Make friends with it. Lean into it because there's such an important, uh. Such an important point and place for all of you in this world, and your gifts and your superpowers, they're needed. They are so needed. So please, today, do one small thing for yourself to go out and shine a little brighter. The world needs you. Mm-hmm. And you need you. And you need you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Liz, thank you so much for being with us today and sharing everything that you've shared today. I can't wait. Let us know when the book's out. I will, I definitely please, yes. I need a copy signed. If you can. I'd be happy to have a signed copy. Oh, you'll get a signed copy. No doubt. And thank you for the work you do. I mean, it's such important work and I just, I'm so grateful that our paths crossed and that we've stayed in touch over the years. Thank you so much for everything you do. It's important work. Thank you. We are two peas in a pod as it worked. Yes, we're. If you have resonated with anything in our conversation today, please make sure you share, you follow you like you give reviews. We are so honored to have you here with us in this, in this space. What activated in you? Claim your Sovereignty Me Academy expands you.