5AM Wake-Ups, Dad Pressure & Doing It Anyway (Solo Episode)

Chris couldn’t make it this week… so this is my first ever solo episode.

No safety net. No banter. Just me.

I talk about:

– Waking up at 5AM with anxiety and worst-case scenarios
 – Doom scrolling instead of dealing with what’s actually bothering me
 – The pressure of being a parent in 2026
 – Making hard decisions in business
 – Losing my dad and what that’s really changed in me
 – Fighting the inner voice that wants comfort over growth

This one isn’t polished.
 It’s honest.

If you’re a mum or dad feeling pressure, if your brain won’t switch off, or if you know you need to step up in certain areas of your life… this one’s for you.

I also mention two brilliant movements helping people talk more openly:

 – MATES FACEBOOK GROUP - 

 – The “You Alright Mate?” Event - 

If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Transcript

5 A.M. Anxiety And Doom Scrolling

Choosing Action Over Fear

Hangxiety And Alcohol Triggers

The Weight Of Modern Parenting

Financial Pressures And Providing

Hard Conversations And Relief

Grief, Loss, And Living Now

Consuming Less, Creating More

Celebrate Small Wins And Gratitude

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome back to another episode of the Untold Podcast where I'm Ash. And today I'm on my own. Unfortunately, Chris has been super duper busy setting up his TikTok agency. And he has a very poorly four-year-old and a very poorly wife. So we decided today it was probably best that he stays well away from me because I have a lovely family weekend planned and I don't want no lurgies. So here, here I am. My name is Ashley, the co-host of the Untold Podcast, and I'm going to talk to you today about a few things that I've been going through that and the steps that I've put in place in order to or what I've realized, I guess. So we'll start with 5am. Let's talk about 5am. No, not getting up at 5am, jumping in an ice cold plunge and going to the gym because that's what I've realised I probably should be doing. No, between the hours of 4 and 5, every morning, probably for the last 10 days, my brain has woken me up in fight or flight mode. My brain has been telling me that my world is going to collapse around me. And it could be business, it could be financial stuff, it could be family stuff, it could be an argument with a wife. There are so many things that go through my head between the hours of four and five in the morning and they wake me up. Now what I should do is peel my sorry ass out of bed and do something. But what do I do? I pick up my phone and I sit there and I doom scroll. And I think at this point I am addicted to TikTok. As sad as it may sound, I really do feel like I'm constant. When I'm at home, when I'm at work, I'm alright because I'm busy and keeping my mind occupied. But as soon as I leave work, I'm like, right, let's scroll. But let's go back to the the sorry I'm going off on the tangent. Let's go back to the 5am thing. What I've realized is all these thoughts that come through in my head, A, they're never gonna happen. It's my brain, it's like worst case scenario every single time. And B, it means that I need to step up. It means that in order to remove this, there are certain things in my life that I need to stop avoiding. There are certain things in my life that I've got to grab by the horns and tackle. Um, it could be, like I said, it could be finances, it could be anything. But that's what I've realized. I've realized my brain wakes me up early in the morning because it's like I don't know, it's trying to protect me, I guess. It's saying, right, get up, get it done. So tomorrow morning, I am not gonna scroll. If I'm awake at five o'clock in the morning, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna do something. Whether that's take the dog for a walk, whether that's read a book, whether it's coming to work early and get an extra two hours of work in. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna stop doom scrolling because I swear to God, it is not helping me at all with the stuff that's going on in my head. Um, especially when I'm drinking. Do you get this? I only realised this the last couple of years that when you drink, it's like a hundred times, is it? And I remember going back to like 1819, I go out on a heavy session and I toss and turn all night long because I've had a drink, and it's called hang xiety, apparently. It's a thing, Google it. Um, one of the other things that I feel is and and something that I think is worth discussing is the pressure of being a parent. Now, when I first wrote this, I said the pressure of being a dad, but it's not, is it? Let's be honest, there's so much different now when it comes to bringing kids up. I had a conversation with a friend the other day, and he was like, Yeah, well, we we spoke about this actually. As she said, I wouldn't want to be growing up today, how things are. Like, not how things are, that's like, like, it's a completely different world to when I grew up. When I grew up, we didn't have social media. The internet. I remember when we had our first internet, and I could speak to that girl I really liked on MSM Messenger for maybe 10 minutes until the phone rang. That was the only contact we had with people that weren't necessarily our neighbours and our friends outside of the school hours. And now kids have access to each other 24-7, and it is brutal, it is absolutely horrible what some of these kids say and do to other kids. And as parents, we know that it's just a thing, it's just a phase, they're just going through it. But imagine that as a kid, and the responsibility there, where the responsibility lies there is should we stop our kids having social media? Should we stop our kids having access to it and single them out and make them the kid that doesn't have it? Like, where is the line there? Because I do not want my daughters growing up chasing likes, chasing comments, chasing views. I don't want that. I want them to grow up and be able to be themselves, and that's a real big responsibility at the moment as a parent. Then you've got the financial responsibility. You want to make sure that your kids are clothed well, you want to make sure they get the opportunities that you had as a kid, you want to make sure they have better opportunities than you. You want to make sure that you the car on the driveway is not an embarrassment. Um, not not so much that, but we're always constantly striving for more for our kids. I know I am, and I want them to have the opportunities in life that I had growing up. I was very privileged. I'd love for nothing more than for my kids to be able to go on a few holidays a year to be able to take them skiing. I mean, Jesus Christ, that's expensive nowadays. But the responsibility comes down to, and we feel it on our shoulders as parents. We feel the responsibility on our shoulders to provide, to support, and to be there. And I don't know about you, but I just feel that it's a lot harder now than it ever has been for multiple different reasons. So it'd be interesting. If you know a parenting expert, then I would love to sit them down on this podcast and question them about all these thoughts that go through my head daily about am I a good dad, am I a bad dad, am I doing the right thing, am I doing the wrong thing, am I a responsible parent? At the end of the day, I think if we're showing up for our kids, if we're showing them how to be a good human being, how we're showing them how to love, if we're showing them how to be patient and how to forgive, then I think we're doing alright. But you do question yourself sometimes. So there's a huge pressure of being a parent, and it's not about private jets, it's not about nice fight, fancy cars, it's yes, those things would be great, but it's more about stability, it's more about the pressure of being a stable. I'm definitely not stable, the pressure of being a stable human being, a stable role model in your children's as they're growing up. I think that's a that's a tough responsibility at the moment. I really do. Difficult decisions. I've had to make some difficult decisions in my life, um, especially recently. Now, I avoided a hard conversation for a while, and it caused me to lose sleep, it caused me stress, it caused me again that's adding to the four or five o'clock in the morning, wake up time, stress for probably six months until I had the conversation. I had the awkward conversation, and within 30 minutes, a lot of things came out of that. 30-minute hard conversation, it's done, it's dusted, we can all move on. So don't avoid the hard conversations because trust me, you will feel relief in many ways, many, many ways, and this could be business, this could be friendships, this could be relationships, this could be with your parents. You might need to tell them something that you're not sure how they're going to react, and it's all fine in the end. Um, so have the difficult conversations, it could be a supplier, you could owe a supplier a load of money at work and you've not quite got the money. But having the conversation with them and coming up with a plan, it's a lot better. It could be with a debt collector, it could be with a bailiff, but having a conversation with them, it could be a hell of a lot better instead of avoiding it, and then your door gets kicked in. There is so many things. If your mate's got a you think your mate's got a drinking problem, tell them. Do you know what I mean? Have the difficult conversations and make difficult decisions because I promise you, you will feel better for doing it. Um, so yeah, that was three days of anxiety was literally fixed after a 30-minute conversation. So try it, it does work. And as we're on the topic of sort of conversations, if you're feeling down, if you're feeling it, speak to people, tell people, open up, don't let it like do you know what I mean? Don't let it eat you away inside because it's no fun for you and it's no fun for the people you're around. If your mate says, Are you alright, mate? and you're feeling a bit low, tell them. They're asking you for a reason. Chances are your mate's asking you if you're alright because they know you're not alright, and they want to give you the opportunity to open up. And that's something I wanna I wanna plug later in the episode because there's an event down in Brighton. So yeah, have the make the difficult decisions and have the tough conversations. Now, this is where I talk a little bit, I talk a bit about grief. For a lot of the regular listeners, you will know that on the 9th of October in 2025, I lost the one constant, and not the one constant, I lost a big, big part of my life. At 66 years old, my old man died of a sudden heart attack. He had no heart problems that we were aware of. He was fit and healthy. One minute he's there, the next minute he's gone. And for a month, I was out in Spain with my whole family, with my mum, and we were just getting through each day. We were getting through each day as it comes. Some days I didn't even want to leave the bedroom, some days I was happy, some days I was laughing, and some days I was smiling. But there's one thing losing my dad did as well as breaking me, it actually has built me up. He's broken me down, and I feel he's building me up stronger because without the loss of my old man, I wouldn't have gone to the doctors and got a full health screening to make sure I was healthy. Without the loss of my old man, I probably wouldn't have joined the Vikings. Without the loss of my old man, there is a hell of a lot of things in my life that I've changed in the last three months that I probably wouldn't have done. And it's hard. It's really tough because I you go through phases. So for two weeks I didn't really shed a tear, I didn't really cry, I didn't really think about it. And then all and I thought to myself, I thought, why is that? What's going on? And all of a sudden it just came. Literally just came. Yesterday was my birthday. Yesterday was my birthday, and all the love in the world, all the love in the world come flooding in, and there was one person that I really wanted it from. And it's not gonna come. And my old man passing, and this is sort of this is a I don't really know. He used to tell me, you say, Ash, live every day like it could be your last because we're on borrowed time. You don't know, and we used to joke about it, and he used to say, Yeah, we've yeah, we've got all the time in the world. There's a post I look back on Facebook, it's my mum's birthday tomorrow. On the 14th of February last year, I dropped them at the airport on Valentine's Day, and they started their new life. On my mum's birthday on the 18th, there's a post on Facebook that says, with my hubby, the love of my life, we finally did it. We finally moved to Spain to live out our dreams for the next 20 years at least. He had six months. Six, seven months he enjoyed that life of six, seven. Six, seven, six or seven months he managed to enjoy a life in Spain for. He has worked his ass off all his life. Yes, we've got good memories, but yes, he did work long hours. So did my mum. And he taught me the passing of my old man has taught me that you really are on borrow time. You don't know what tomorrow holds, you can't change the past, the future hasn't happened yet. You can only live for the now, and that's really important. I think if you take anything from this episode, it is that, and that's coming from someone who's like, Yes, I know other people will have lost loved ones and parents, but I'm telling you it from my perspective. I would give anything for another day, for another conversation, but it's not gonna happen. But I'm so glad that in the years that he was on this planet, he taught me how to be a decent human. He taught me how to love and live and forgive. He taught me what hard work was. And this is a bit of a tribute now, and this isn't where I was planning on going with this. But it's important to love your parents, love your kids, spend time with them while they're here because you just never know. You just never know. And I think what I'm going with is this is stop wasting time. Stop wasting time, stop putting it off. If you were gonna start something today, start it today. Don't say, oh, we'll do it tomorrow. If you were gonna stop drinking today, stop drinking today. If you were gonna I don't know, just don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Start living. And like I said, his death hasn't broke me. It's not just broke me, his death did break me. That's a lie. His death broke me more than you can imagine, but it also woke me up. It woke me up to the short life that we do have, and how we're not guaranteed, and as morbid as that sounds, I never want that to be the case. It's true. Him saying to me, live every day like it could be your last because you don't know when your time's up. It now has substance, it has more substance than you can possibly imagine. So that's another section. Um consuming. I am terrible for consuming social media content. Yes, we do the podcast, yes. I tell myself I'm gonna create content, but I just consume way too much of it. When I put the phone down and I'm present, like I'm terrible. I sit on the sofa at night and I'm scrolling, and some things are really good. Like there's been good stuff with my dad, and I've read things about when you lose someone and grief counseling and grief coaching. It's amazing how sometimes the algorithm shows you what you need to see when you see it, but a lot of the times it doesn't. And when I put my phone down, I am more present. I can enjoy that series on the TV, I can enjoy the time with my kids, I can enjoy it, and I guess it's not even about just scrolling social media, it's putting it to one side, it's not checking the emails every 20 minutes, it's not replying to comments on TikTok every five minutes, it's literally put it down for an hour, do an hour, then do half an hour, do an hour, then do two, then do three. Um apparently it's a big thing um with very high net worth individuals where their kids aren't having smartphones, they're going back to Nokia 3310s, and I swear to God, I kind of wish sometimes that that was us. Because I consume way too much content and I don't create enough. I need to create more, but I spend so much time consuming it that then I'm not in the right frame of mind to create it, and then I'm watching people who have done it a lot better than me, have been doing it for longer than me, and I'm like, oh, I can't compete with that, so I never start. You'd be a better person if you lowered your screen time, let's be honest. You would, I would, you would, everybody would. Another thing that is important is to celebrate the small wins. If you've decided to stop drinking and you've done a day, celebrate it. You've done two days, celebrate it, three days, celebrate it, four days, celebrate it. If you've decided to eat healthy, celebrate the fact that you did it for a day. If you've started if you've decided you need to lose weight, if you've decided that you want to get a I don't know, the things, if you want to run, and you've gone for a run, celebrate it. Celebrate the fact that you're doing something good for yourself and your body. Celebrate the small wins in life. One of the big things that I've done from joining the Vikings is the gratitude list. As part of the Vikings, every single day we have to write down three things that we're grateful for. And because we're Vikings and because we're lads in a WhatsApp group, you cannot write the same thing every single day. You have to be inventive, you have to come up with things that you are genuinely grateful for. And I promise you, it changes things, it changes the way you see things. I guarantee you now, if you got a piece of paper and you but one, two, three, one, two, three, and you had to write three things you were grateful for, and three things that you weren't so grateful for, or that were shit, I bet you it would be a lot quicker to write the three things that were shit in your life than the three things you're grateful for. I bet you. Because I know it's the same for me, and I've been doing it now for four or five weeks. It's about training your brain and training your mind to be grateful for the life we have and not look for the things that we haven't yet achieved, if that makes any sense. It is hard, it's it is hard, and that's like a do you know what I mean? That's I hate admitting that it's hard for me to think of three things on a daily basis that I'm grateful for. It's not hard, it gets done. Maybe it's because I'm putting too much effort into it, but try it, try it for a week. Write down three things that you're grateful for every single morning, and then have a look at it for a week. Do it with your wife, do it with your partner, do it with your colleagues. I don't know. Do it with the Vikings, join the group. And one of the big things you have to do is fight that inner voice. You have to fight the inner voice that tells you, oh, Ash, yeah, you probably you don't worry about it. You you've done really well all week. What's a McDonald's gonna do now? Or oh yeah, you could yeah, you might as well. You've done well all week, mate. You go to the pub and get a packet in. Or have a load of beers. Oh, you've done, you've done really, really well. Go and do you know what I mean? You've paid all your credit card debt off. Go and go. Go and buy something nice. Do you know what I mean? You have to fight the inner bitch. I did it, I said it on the other episode. The other Saturday morning, my alarm went off at five to be in the gym down in Lansing at six. Went off at five, I snoozed it. I weren't gonna go. At that moment in time, I was not gonna go. My brain was telling me, Ash, you know, it's look, mate, it's raining outside, like, it's raining outside like you're so comfy, you're tucked up in bed, it's all nice and warm. So I got up and then I got back in bed. And I was there, and it was like I had to leave in 10 minutes. I was like, oh God, get up. And I jumped up and I fought that inner voice, telling me, giving me a thousand reasons not to get up and go to the gym. While me inside had to say, Come on, Ash, you've got to get up. You said you were gonna do it, go and do it. And then on the Sat on the Sunday, again it was raining to go on a two-hour hike. Did I want to go on a two-hour hike at six o'clock in the morning? No, I didn't. My voice was telling me, Oh, you went to the gym yesterday, mate, you're alright. Yeah, don't you don't, mate, don't worry about that. You just stay in bed. You can go on a hike later. You go and take the family out on a hike. But I got up and I did it because I knew full well that that was never going to happen. And I got up and I went out and I did the hike. And there are a lot of things in my life recently where I'm finding myself actually fighting back on the inner voice. I call it my inner bitch, but that's probably not appropriate for anybody. It's that voice that's telling you to stay in your lane, it's the voice that's telling you to keep doing what you're doing because it's comfortable. It's the voice that's telling you don't get up and go for a walk, just sit on the sofa because there's a new episode of that series out tonight that you want to watch. And that is Yeah. That is the celebrate the small wins. Celebrate the small wins and fight the inner voice. Today's been hard. This has been hard for me filming this podcast. And if you've got this far, then truly I commend you. It's been uncomfortable, but like we said in a previous episode, you've got to do what's uncomfortable. If it feels uncomfortable, chances are you should probably be doing it. Showing up is uncomfortable, growth is uncomfortable, responsibility responsibility is uncomfortable, but comfort eventually builds nothing. You're not gonna build the six-pack you want sitting on the sofa, you're not gonna build the beach body you want sitting on the sofa, you're not gonna build the business you want, oh actually, yeah, you probably could in today's day and age. So start today and be the version of yourself that you want your kids to watch. And that's the end of that. And if you're struggling mentally, reach out to people, have conversations with people. There is men and their emotions, a Facebook group dedicated to men. I'm sure there's a women's version, but because I'm a male, I'm not allowed in it. There is men and their emotions where there's thousands and thousands of men in there with exactly the same problems that you've got, and they are fantastic with each other. It is very well managed, that group. And now it's a charity, and they have an event, a football match for charity in Swindon, and it's gonna be incredible. But go and take a look. If you're struggling, you can post in it anonymously, you can read other people's comments, and some of the advice in there is solid, it's really, really well done. And also, if you're close to Brighton, Sam, who was a guest on last year's podcast from Different Hats, has a movement, the you alright, mate movement. On the 10th of March, down in Brighton, he's putting on a little event. It's£15 a ticket. If you are strapped for money, there is an option to have a free ticket, no judgment. If you're available, get along to that. I will put the link in the description of this episode. This isn't sponsored by men and their emotions. This is not sponsored by different hats, and you're alright. This is just something that I feel to pop into this episode because if you are struggling, chances are someone is feeling exactly the same as you. So I hope you've enjoyed that episode. That was me rambling for however long it was. Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for being regular listeners to the Untold Podcast. And we will see you next week where Chris will be back in all his spirits. And we have a guest, I believe. We'll see you next week. Thanks for watching and listening.