Grown Ass Dads Podcast

Grown Ass Dads Podcast | Episode 3: Work-Life Balance is a Damn Lie (But Here’s What We’re Trying) 💼⚖️🧠

• Jason • Season 1 • Episode 3

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Welcome to Episode 3 of Grown Ass Dads—where three mid-life dads tackle the real, raw, and ridiculous realities of trying to balance it all. Spoiler alert: work-life balance isn’t real, and if it is, we haven’t met a single dad who’s cracked the code.

In this episode, Jason, Adam, and Jay explore what it actually looks like to juggle being dads, partners, professionals, and still trying to squeeze in a little personal time (usually in the bathroom, let’s be honest). This one is packed with real talk, laughs, and a few accidental mic drops on modern fatherhood.

🔥 Episode Highlights:

  • Is work-life balance even real? Spoiler: No. Harmony? Maybe.
  • Dad guilt hits hard – “I’m failing at everything.”
  • How to reset when everything’s out of whack
  • Long bathroom breaks = dad therapy
  • Morning routines we want vs. the ones we actually have
  • Parenting lessons hidden in school drop-offs
  • Isolation, burnout, and the mental load of being “the rock”
  • Crabby little bitches & quiet rage: How dads carry stress
  • Anger vs. sadness vs. fear—and how to deal with all three
  • “The Ideal Week” method to reclaim your life and your sanity

👊 If you’ve ever felt like you’re drowning in responsibility, screwing up at everything, or hiding in the garage just to catch your breath—you’re in the right place.

Whether you’re winning, surviving, or completely winging it, this one’s for the dads doing their best (and occasionally falling flat on their faces).

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💬 Drop a comment:

  • What does work-life balance actually mean to you?
  • What’s your go-to “escape” move when the pressure’s on?
  • Have you ever had a parenting win that made you feel like you might not be failing?

#GrownAssDads #WorkLifeBalance #DadLife #FatherhoodPodcast #ParentingStruggles #MidlifeDad #ModernDads #MentalLoad #DadGuilt #CrabbyDadChronicles #FunnyDads #TimeManagementForDads #RealTalkPodcast #HidingInTheBathroom #WorkLifeHarmony

Welcome to the Grown Ass Dads podcast. Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop. All right. Welcome to episode three of Grown Ass Dads. Woohoo! We are all grown ass to adult here. Absolutely. So. Three. Nobody's lit us on fire yet. So, it's early. We're doing something right, I think. So the nice thing about us meeting prior to starting this thing was we kind of had a ton of topics in the can, right? I think that's a real podcast term in the can. As opposed to it being Saturday at 230 in the morning and you're in the can. That's different. Different right. Okay. So tonight we're going to talk about work life balance. Yeah. And our, our amazing leader Jason Byrne. I'm a leader. A leader in my eyes. You know, has all this beautiful content, like, staged for us to, like, here, here's some teasers for you guys to sit here and talk like a bunch of idiots, and maybe people will listen to you. Which I think is great. It is great. I'm Adam Bunyan. This is my buddy Jay. Hi, everybody. Jay helsing and behind the, camera and on the ones and twos. I've been on the ones and twos in years, but, man, it sure feels like I'm on the ones and twos again. Yeah. Wicked wicked wicked. I love it. Mister Jason Byrne. Fair enough. So the first question, I guess, to this topic is, is that even a thing? Is work life balance a thing? So I know, I know how I feel, but I'm curious about what your take is on it. Sure. Work life balance is, in my opinion, one of the very hardest things to achieve, because balance is a little bit relative to what it has to be day to day, week to week, month to month. And it would be great if you and I had an opportunity to go, hey, we're going to work 40 hours and then we're going to play with the kids for 40 hours a week, and we're going to get 40 whatever hours of sleep, and we're going to spend some time with our significant others, and everything is going to roll just perfectly. Does that, does that? Is that a real thing for you? You know what? I'm 45 years old, and I don't know that I've had a week like that in my life. Same. So it's it's it's something that we strive for, and it's something that we are actively working at. And I think about on a if not daily for sure, weekly basis. Just in the simple fact of, with the two kids and with the, the business and all of the things that are pulling us in all of the different directions. I know that I told you earlier, before we went on air that I, I said to Jason two weeks ago, I, I am I am failing at everything. I'm not good at anything right now. I'm not doing a great job at work. I'm not doing a great job as a dad. I'm not doing a great job as a boyfriend. I'm not doing a great job at anything. And trying to rightsize that is is super difficult, because any time that you pull from one to give to the other, something suffers. Yeah. Or at least it feels like something suffers. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't, I don't think work life balance is real. I think it's a myth. Okay. I don't think that, at least not so I. I run a real estate company. In my line of business, there is no balance. Zero. None. I like to think of it as harmony. So it's not always equal, right? When I think of balance, I think of, like, literally like the chick with the blindfold and the scale, the scale. So I'm sure there's probably a more sophisticated action with the chick, with the scales, with the scales. Right. It does not exist. Right. So in my line of business, I it is not uncommon for me to drive separately to a baseball game or, to, you know, with a play with the boys or something like that, because, dad has to go show a property afterwards or, you know. Now, what I will say is that it's super important to me. And I'm sure we'll get into this to calendar my stuff first. My kids stuff and my family stuff first. You know, those are the most important appointments that I have. But, if someone calls me and says, hey, Adam, I really want to see this property

on Saturday at 10:

00 and you see it, it's not uncommon for me to say, I'm sorry, I have an appointment. I can do it at 1130 or 12. Can you do that? Now, they don't need to know that that 1130 or that 10:00 appointment is a basketball game or church or whatever it is. But it's it is impossible for me to think that I will ever, unless I do something else. Maybe this podcast can take off. I dunno what you guys think. Like, if if something else happens and I can have work life balance, that'd be amazing. But it is in sales. It is. And you guys know that that's what you I mean, that's a huge part of what you do. It's impossible for me to have balance. Sure. I think it also depends on. On what you can. I like your word harmony. I think the whole concept of Work-Life Harmony makes a lot of sense. What I'm struggling with is the definition of life, right? So there's more to being me and living my life than just two things. Life is a big, big collection for sure. Right. So I'm not just trying to balance two things. I'm balancing work. I'm balancing family. I'm balancing personal time. I'm balancing, husband and wife time, all these different types of things. Right. So generally when when you talk about balance, you're thinking of two things. Your scales. Right. The chick is she's only got two hands. She's only balancing two things. So I think the, the, the use of the word harmony is a good word because you're actually trying to find that harmony amongst a whole wide variety of things, as opposed to just to what's personal time. But I, I don't know that I've had personal time. And as I say, these is a family show. What are we talking about here? So what are we? So what are we what are you talking about here? Because I, I mean, I mean, it's it seems like. So I stay up late, I, I'm a late. I'm a night owl. And my personal time and that we'll call it my time to decompress or just be by myself is typically

from like 1030 or 11:

00 to midnight or one in the morning. And it's watching a show. It's listening to a podcast. It's, zoning. I mean, it's, it's something that the, the entire day from when I get up until when the boys go to bed, it feels like I've got somebody or something pulling at me almost 100% of the time. And so that's one of the hardest things, is I would like to be a morning person. I'd like to be up at God. I would love it. I'd love to be up at six and work out and, you know, get up, get a little workout in and like, I do it just like you do. I if I could look like you as a result of it, it's even better. Trust me. You don't want this, I. Yeah, yeah. You're right. Yeah, I I'll, I'll be me but I, you know I, I, I can't I tried it and I've tried it over and over again you know.

Hey we're going to bed at 10:

00. We're getting up at six. We're going to work out and, and you know, when the kids go to bed at 930 and then there's laundry and we're going to, potentially return some emails, we're going to clean the kitchen. We're going to, you know, whatever, whatever it is as a dad that you have to do before you can actually do anything for yourself.

Now it's 1030, 11:

00, and I know. Well, I gotta I gotta chill out for a little bit. And it's, you know, the next thing I know, it's 1230, 1:00 in the morning and then my alarm goes off at six and I'm like, nope, fuck that. Right. 730 it is or whatever that is. And so it's, that's that's a really, really difficult time. You know, your kids, my kids chasing kids are all in the similar age, and they're they're not exactly completely self-sufficient, if you will. Yeah. When I say personal time, I it is exactly what I'm. What what it sounds like. I'm saying time where I am by myself, only doing what I want to do, not distracted. I maybe maybe I'm maybe I'm a lucky one here. I don't know, right. I find that I do a pretty decent job at that. Whether it's, it's getting out and playing a round of golf by myself or, heck, the majority of Saturdays and Sundays during the afternoon, I'm sitting on the couch. My wife is working because she works weekends, but she's she's at home, but she's working. My kids don't care about what the hell I'm doing on a weekend. They're off playing video games or what have you. So I'm literally sitting on the couch watching golf Saturday and Sundays. I'm sitting there watching golf. I'll get up and I'll toss in a load of laundry, come right back down, watch golf. Golf. Right. I mean, that's that's basically what I do. Right? And then I know this is this is probably pretty lame, but I have personal time. Every morning while the kids are getting ready, I sit in the dark and just think for a little bit, which is something new for me. It's something new for me. But I find that that two, three minutes of time where I've got my clothes changed, the kids are downstairs getting breakfast, getting ready for school. I literally just turn the lights off in the bathroom, sit there and just think about what what does my day have ahead of me and kind of just level sets a little bit, I guess. So. So when you're when you're doing that paint, unless you're sitting on the commode, paint, paint a picture. Like, are you thinking about, like, your calendar for the day? Are you thinking about your mindset for the day? Are you thinking about, like, the big. I don't know if you guys have read Eat the Frog or are you thinking about the frog for the day? Like what? What's what's what's going through your mind when you're having that reset? I think it's funny that you think Jay and I have read anything, let alone a particular book. Can you? I've read books. Okay. I was I can't spell the words, but I read I read them pretty well. Or do you listen to them? Nah, I don't listen. I think the last book that I read, cover to cover, was written probably by Stan and Jane Banner. Berenstein or Baron is a berenstein Baron. Still, wouldn't you like to know? That's that's that's one of those, like, lifelong debates as to how you pronounce it. It's, that's a mandela effect situation there. I think you're right. I think you're full of shit. You read a ton of books in high school and college that you had to do projects on cover to cover is is the important piece there, like, I will I will read a book and bounce around and get to where I want to. I was a huge user of CliffsNotes. Always use CliffsNotes. We didn't have the internet available. I like how you say CliffsNotes, like it's a person. Like like it's a man. It's it's clit. It's not a person. Cliff is a fucking man. Help me. All. He helped me all the way through high school. You know what I did? I used clips, nice clips. Clips the clips. The fucking is Cliff. Cliff was the man. But, yeah. No, I've never been a big reader. So we shouldn't start a book. A book club. You can. I will not show up. All right? I just, reading is like watching paint dry to me. I just I can't do it. That's fair. We we could get into this for a long time. So we're we're going to blaze past this book thing. This might be another episode, but, my my centering. I am not thinking about the frog. I am sure as hell not thinking about my calendar, because that's going to do nothing for myself. Mornings are really, really hard for me. Just me being who I am. Getting myself motivated to actually wake up and start the day is hard. And I think it's me sitting down kind of saying what's ahead of me today and, and why do I want to be awake sometimes? Honestly? What? Like what what what do I have to look forward to today? Those types of things and or, what was good about yesterday? What was bad about yesterday? And how can I change that today? So when you're when you're working through I'm not trying to therapies you but when you're when you're working through like, what do I have to look forward to today. What what typically do you go to. What what gets you going like, you know, because you and I have talked a lot about, you know, dealing with slowness in the mornings and whether we call it depression or anxiety or a mixture of all of those things, what gets you going, like what gets your feet on the ground and you to take steps to go to the kitchen and do the thing and get started and put your shoes on and all that shit. When I figure that out, I'll let you know. Okay, so it depends on the day. Yeah, I don't know that there is that one thing that lights that fire, right? And at least not to the degree that I would like for it to. I mean, sure, JB brought it up earlier. I'd love to be that morning person. I think I'm on my 30th straight week of saying this week I'm going to be the five a Am guy that I'm going to get up, I'm going to exercise, and then I'm going to do emails for 30 minutes. That way I'm ahead of the schedule and all that.

The 5:

00 Am club nonsense that they talk about on different social platforms. And so yeah, literally, I am at least 30 weeks in a row that I've said, I'm going to do that, but I just can't. I don't know if it's just my bed is that comfortable or what it is, but I mean, I literally take the kids to school, come back home and lay back down, and then I start my day. I, I there isn't something that has lit my world on fire, made me want to drop my feet to that floor and go running. Okay. I'm done with that balance. What does your mornings look like? So we I'm going to I'm going to throw in an a built in excuse. All right. So we have a dog a puppy. Right. She is great. But fuck, I have one too. So, prior to the puppy, I would get up at six ish, 630 ish. Help get the boys ready for school. I would take the kit so my wife works with at the school where the the boys go to school. I would take the boys to school. We would leave at the same time and go to the same place, because my work schedule is so crazy that I. I wanted to have at least a minute with them, like it was, you know, we'd just bullshit on the way or listen to music, or sometimes they would say, well, I want to pick a song and I want to pick a song. Like it was just a minute that I would get. It kind of was great. I really want to get back to that now that I think about it. There you go. And then we got this puppy. And so, she brings the boys to school, and then I get up with the dog. No, no. Wouldn't that be something? I might make some money. I want a sidebar. One second. Are you take the kids to school? Are you. Were you enjoying it? I love it to school every day. Was there anything that was an everyday thing? Like an everyday thing? Was there something you told them? Was there something? Yeah. What's what? What did that look like or what was your favorite part about that? I mean, my favorite part was, it's it's literally three songs away from our house. Right? And so usually I would pick one, they would pick one, and we would be there. And then when they would get dropped off, I would say, hey, be kind today or I some little comment. I didn't have a, you know, a specific one, but it was, it was something and I got to tell them I love them before they walked out the door, before they walked into school. And my day was started because of that. But I always would go to the office directly from there, so I would have to pass the highway, and I would go. I would go to the office, after I left there, and I was the first one in the office for like an hour, okay. No one else was there, and it was great. Most of the time I was productive. Sometimes I would you know, scroll or dick around or, you know, but I would like, I would I, I, I work in a brokerage where there's a ton of agents and there's a receptionist who is responsible for making sure there's coffee made and, you know, all the mortar done. I would do that. No one else was there. So I would go up, I would make a couple pots of coffee for the whole office. I'd make me a cup and, it just felt good to start my day. And I've gotten off of that for a while. And I feel it. I feel heavy. Okay. And that the, the times in which I can't get out of bed are more common now than they were when I was doing that activity. That kind of forced me, you know, forced me out of bed because I was bringing the boys to school and, and I think I miss something. So you don't take the kids to school anymore? I don't. Okay. And I don't like that. And I'm the one. Stop. I'm the barrier to that. I think you have homework for this week. I think we I think I do too, though, and I, as I'm saying it, I'm like, what the fuck? Who? I'm the one. Stop that. So I have that. I had that I was the one that took the kids to school every day. By, wasn't work earlier. She, she started, you know, anywhere between 7 and 8, and she had a long drive and what have you. And we, I took the boys school every day, and enjoyed it because one of my kids is a morning person. The other one is me who is not. But, one of the things that we started and when they first one is it's been going on now for seven, eight years now since they were in kindergarten, preschool. It's one of the few things that I felt like I did. Right. As a dad, as they're growing up, the last thing that we talked about, every time they got on the car, they got the car to go to school. And I would say, guys, what are we going to do today? And I programed them in this and they would turn back around and they would say, we're going to be nice to everybody. And that was a discussion that we had early, early, early because no matter what growing up, everybody everybody hated middle school. I there's not one person if they look themselves in the mirror honestly and said middle school was awesome. Middle school kids suck, all of them. And it's not because like, all these kids suck. They're all hormonal. They're all things are changing. Things are cool. Things are not. Everybody's uncomfortable in their own skin. And middle school in, in my opinion, is the single hardest time of a kid's life. But when you grew up all the way through and if you, I guarantee you know at least 1 or 2 and Jason knows 1 or 2, I know a couple of kids that in no way, shape or form what I call them the most popular, the coolest, the best athlete, the, the whatever. But there was the kid that was nice to everybody and everybody loved him. Didn't matter what they did, it didn't matter where they were, and everybody loved them and everybody wanted to spend time in. That was a safe person to go and have lunch with or to go do whatever. And so at the end of the day, for, for my boys, whatever they end up doing sports, theater, bookworm, whatever it is, if they end up being the kid that when they are graduate hating high school or they whatever that is, they're like that kid, that dude, the nicest dude in this school. He was nice to me all of the time. He never made fun of me. He never got it. And we never got it. Like he that was the the best dude there was. And so we did that every single day. And, about six months ago, we, we moved into our new house and they walk to school every day, and I, they literally walk out of my back door into school. And so I don't get to have that little brief interaction with them. And then the the other thing that was more it was it was fun for me, but fun for them. So every Friday on the way to school, right before they went in, I would play the bowls and Trent's music and I would announce their names like they were going into the game and they. And then they would they basically I would say, what time is it? And they would yell school time. And then they jump out of the car and they're all amped up, and I'd send them in like they're all hopped up on Mountain Dew going in to see them. That's hilarious. And it was awesome because it was virtually impossible for them to walk in a school and not be laughing or having fun, because I just cranked up the radio and I just did this big intro of all this stuff, right? And, they we get done, they get out of the car and they'd be like, it's school time. And I go, let's do it. And then they get out of the car and I'd say, what are we doing today? Be nice to everybody, dad. Love you. And then they they run out of school and it was awesome. And it's in you know, I don't give myself a whole lot of credit because I fucked up a lot as a dad. But that particular piece was something that I was that always. And it was good for me too, because I was always fired up and I was always like, all right, they're good. They're going to have a great day. I'm going to go have a great day. And it was it was helpful for me as well, mentally to get my day rolling. And Fridays are great days for me. I, I think in our car, all of us. So I also take the kids to school. I take my youngest to school still. My my oldest are both driving now, so they take themselves to school. But, all four of us are such not morning people that I don't think we said two words to each other in the car on the way to school. And if there was somebody talking and the rest of us were like, shut up! Because, I mean, we we didn't want to hear it, right? Like, I mean, shame on me, I guess, but I like my quiet. And in the morning time, if somebody else, for some reason, is all all amped up and ready to friggin rock and roll, I hate that person. I don't care if it's my kid. I don't care if it's my friend. Shut up and let me mope because this is my morning time and that's what I do. That's why I love camping with you. That's great. That's great. I'm up at six with coffee and chirping birds. No. So those birds I know. So, one of the questions that that Jason had kind of posed to us was when things are out of balance or out of harmony, what do you do? Okay. So what's what's your strategy when when things are going haywire? My world is I have the calendar is better and I live by my calendar as it is. Jason says. You know, he'll sit in the sit with himself and sit with his thoughts for a few minutes each morning and think about what he's got to do or what's going on. I, I'm I'm a go button it as soon as I get out of the shower and my clothes are on and I'm walking out the door, I am going at a thousand miles an hour. And if it's not on my calendar, it's probably not happening. And if it is on my calendar, it still might not happen. But I am. I am a full girl, and I, I don't have, once I'm going, I'm. I'm good. It is. I do have, you know, some of those mornings where it's, you know, it, you know, seven, eight, ten snooze buttons. But once I'm at it, like, I'm typically running really, really fast. And so if I feel out of balance or I feel like I'm really failing, at one thing or another, whether that is dating work, personal stuff, just whatever that ends up being, I, I have to really, really commit and, like, settle into my calendar, be like, I'm whatever is on my count. And what I'll do is that week or that two weeks, resetting that situation, I will load my calendar with stuff, personal and, and professional. That is just I'm, I'm this is what's happening period. And we're going to right the ship and we're going to get back into the flow of things and and get it back together. Because when I'm, when I feel like things really got away from me, it feels like a tornado around me and I and I don't know which way is up, and I don't know what my next thing is. And I'm just trying to hold on. So that's that's how I reset myself in my world. That's fair. So calendaring, scheduling, whatever you want to call it, is something that I coach to and teach to, on a professional level. I probably have some room for improvement there, but, I use an exercise called the Ideal week. Okay. And so we have 168 hours in a week. And I typically set whoever I'm working with down and I say, okay, I make two columns and I say, we're going to talk about your personal life. And if I'm, it's Tuesday and if, I meet you next Tuesday at the same time and I say, J, how was your week? And you say, man, it was fucking amazing personally. Just so fulfilling. That's where I want your head to go right now. Okay. And then I say, how many hours? How many hours did you sleep each day? Most of the time I got eight hours sleep or I only require six. Great. Six times seven is what we write it down. Now. Tell me about your morning routine. Well, I get up, I take a shit, I shave, I brush my teeth, take a shower. Takes about 30 minutes. Great. You do that every single day of every week. Yes. Great. 30 minutes time seven. Boom. 3.5 hours. We write it down, so we go through every single thing of their personal life. Date nights, kid practice, personal time, all of it. We write it all down and we sum it up, and then I say, okay, now it's Tuesday. You come back here next Tuesday, say, gee, how was your week professionally? You say, I fucking crushed it. I did everything I wanted to do, I lead generated, I followed up on all my leads. I closed some deals, I went on appointments. All these things. We write all that down. Everything down. How many hours a week to Julie generator. How many hours a day did you go on appointments? How many hours a week did you spend on training yourself? Write it all down. Then we sum it up. Most of the time, 99% of the time when we add both of those numbers, they're less than 168 hours most of the time. And the exercise is basically to say, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing with your time now? What do you fill in time with? Because you just told me that in order to have the best week of your life personally and professionally, you can fit all of that in. So it's kind of a way to back into your strategy of like, let's take a look at your counter. Sure. What is on your calendar? That is either from a professional standpoint, not income producing or something that can be delegated or something that you don't even need to be doing. And then from a personal perspective, what are you doing that isn't filling your cup? Because what happens in my experience, most of the time what professionals do is they take and they rob from their personal time to make up for their their insecurities professionally. And that's why we are walking around as the most depressed and anxious generation in the history of the fucking world, because we are robbing ourselves of the shit that really matters, so that we can make amends with this magic, mysterious, professional expectation that we have ourselves. And it's fucking bullshit. And that's how I reset when shit is in and out of balance. I do it to myself. I'm like, okay, how many hours my sleeping well for? That's not good. Yeah, we're starting off on the wrong foot. How many hours am I? You know, am I sitting down and having dinner with my family once a week? Twice a week, if I'm lucky? No, that's a problem. And I re calendar my shit. I re I reorganize my life. Now it really falls into that idea of harmony. Because, you know, 7:00 to 10:00 might not be sitting on the couch watching a show anymore. It might be catching up on emails or, you know, going through and running CMAs or whatever it is. But true, I will right the ship by getting a a very granular look on where is my time spent this this ideal week concept. Yeah. You picked this up from somewhere or this is something that you've generated and created yourself or is it from a book? Yeah. So I don't think it's from a book. It might be, but so when I got into when I got into Keller Williams, my coach, who is now a great friend of mine, Dave Nations, who runs a really fantastic team. He, basically sat me down and he said, I want you to go through I want you to go through this training, with this guy Rich Richter. And this guy, Rich Richter was, like a mastermind. He was a really, really smart guy around scheduling. And I believe he had this concept of, like, making sure that everything is an appointment and putting your family's stuff on there first. So it kind of stemmed from that. And then I took another class, that kind of had some of those concepts in it. But they, they, if I remember correctly, I mean, I might have just fucking ripped it off. I don't know, but like, if I remember correctly, it just wasn't conversational enough for me, which is very much my style when it comes to coaching and teaching people. It's like, let's have a conversation because we're human beings and that's what human beings should do. And it turned into this ideal week. So now when I, when I am, coaching anybody, in the real estate or other industries that is one of the first things that we, we look at is ideal week. And when I'm interviewing people to join the team, it's another thing that we do because I've interviewed people and they've said, I want to make $100,000 a year. I'm like, killer, love that. Let's figure out how to do that. And then they say, okay, let's go through this exercise and they're willing to work 24, 25 hours a week. Yep. And I said, hey, listen, unless you're the most efficient person on the fucking planet, that doesn't match up. So you either need to lower this expectation or up your, your output. And they've said, I'm not willing to do either. And I said, just so you know, that's possible. Just not here. Yeah. Find somewhere else you at maybe it's on your own doing your own shit and doing it. Your own way. That's very, very possible. It's not possible here because I know what I know what it takes, you know, to, produce on our team. And it's more than 24 hours a week. I can tell you that to make 100 K. I'll tell you what. When we're ready to monetize, if it's not already in a book, the Stats Guide to Time Management or Work Life Balance, it's going to be the ideal week. I'm willing to trademark our, I mean, that's that's great. You call it. It's like calling shotgun, until somebody punches you and takes it from, let's be honest, Jason's probably going to write it all down and put it in a fucking nice, neat little package. And yeah, there there's probably a hundred different theories or structures that, that go along with, with what that is. And there's chunking there. Yes there is. You're all of these different time management situations that all of these different people out there. I actually, went through a training that was a Tony Robbins training, that was that was in that world that every day the first thing that you do is you basically make three columns there. There's the must the it must need and want. And so it's you write down in that muscle column stuff, you go through exactly what your day is or what even on Monday is your week. And you go, I must do these things right. And they are the they are untouchable. That's getting done. And then next to that column, you're going to actually write a time and a day that you're going to actually do that. And those are meetings and appointments with clients. And creating proposals and different things. And then you're going to have your needs, and the needs are going to be things that are going to either generate business for the following week or that are going to be, need to get to you to be able to figure out how to generate this proposal or figure out what the right price point is or what have you. And then you're going to have that third column that is going to be all of the other bullshit that goes along for the week. That is going to be how I would like to do that. That would be fun. That would be good. That if I get to it, okay. And in essence, everything that is in those first two columns has to be completed before you even touch the next one. The third category. And, I know what it looks like and it's a really, really, really hard thing to do. Yeah, I've, I've tried it and it's just for me and my A.D.D. brain. It is so fucking hard to to be that disciplined and that committed to these things and the people that can do it. Killers, killers, absolute stone cold killers. I, I have not found a way to be able to do it. Yeah. And I, I'm trying to hybrid it to where I can do the those two columns, but then the, the likes or the things that are in column three, I can sprinkle in some, some little rewards, little, little reward, little, little care little cared for the horse, if you will. But I'm like and then all of a sudden I'm like, that was really fun. And then I was supposed to do, you know, for other months that I spent four hours doing stuff that I like doing instead and all hell breaks loose, but these are the I mean, in that world, if you can, if you could figure out a way to work life balance in that world and be that disciplined for it, I think that you might not have a myth like you might you might have something, but it in that situation, it's so fucking hard to do, right. One of the other things that I tend to do when when shit's going a little sideways is so I'm not a big fan of calling them to do lists. I like calling them success lists, and I keep them to ten items or less. And there's one rule that I have with a success list is it has to be a task that I can complete in less than an hour. So like my success list can't be like remodel the bathroom. It has to be gut the vanity, you know what I mean? It has to be something that's very small, and there has to be a follow up task to it if it leads to a bigger picture. So if it's like if it's the last piece of the puzzle, I'll just mark it off. But if it's not, I have to have another task. And that task has to get calendar. And that tends to work pretty well when when I'm losing my shit because I just am spending too many plates. Right. Those success lists are huge. I mean, it's funny, like, I'll I'm not great at it because I'll, I'll finish one and I'll be like one through ten and then one is marked off and I'm like 11. And now I'm for number 11 and two has gone on like 12. So I kind of screw myself when it comes to that, but it at least gets me going. And those tasks are small enough to where I can take these small bites out of my day, and by the end of the week, I'm like, Holy shit, I killed it this week. Yeah, I like where your head's at with the the the success concept. Right. So, I am I'm very much somebody who is motivated by wins. Yeah. At any time that I feel like stuff is off the rails, I'm always trying to figure out how in the world can I do something to get some wins? Doesn't need to be a huge win. Small wins are equally as valuable, right? So yes, I'm a big To-Do list person as well. Like, I'm always writing down the things that I don't. Limited to ten. I don't have the rules around an hour, but I do try to make them measurable and as small as I can. So like I'll take one big thing that I'm trying to accomplish, but what I'll actually put it on the to do list is 8 or 9 different items that all add up to that big thing, right? Similar to what you're saying. Yeah. So that way I don't feel like I'm churning on this list and getting nowhere. I mean, sometimes I'll even put something that I know that I'm actively working on and will be done with in ten minutes, for sure. Put it on the damn list. So yeah, I can mark it off. Fucking cheater. Dude, there is nothing better than going, I don't I don't know what it is like. I don't I don't care if it's a written list. I don't care if it's a to do list in our Asana Task Manager application, clicking that button to put that check mark to do it, to do list and calling yourself done with something is is always something that I personally take as an opportunity to be like. I just had a win, right? I mean, even going back to when I was, working in corporate America, my, my boss was was really the first person that made me realize I am motivated by wins. And if I haven't had wins or I win or something that I can call a win, I am at, I don't want to call it rock bottom, but I mean, it is noticed that my world is not good. Yeah, so she was one of the first people that was like, we need to find you a win. Whether you realize you're winning or not, we need to find you a win because that's what keeps you motivated and keeps you moving forward. Like you're like your concept of the success list. What? Adam? What? You work plenty. You're a grinder. You're in a sales and customer centric, right? Industry where, you know, quite frankly, I mean, you're you're driven by the amount of people that you have in your, in your funnel and, and houses that you're looking to sell. And, what is what is something that you have done? At the end of a day or somewhat you had a rough one, or you just needed some time that you, are not exactly proud of. And when I say that, I mean, what is something you're like, you know, you had something to do at home, or you're just like, I just can't just I'm just going to I'm going to do this. What did that what does that look like? Or whenever you ran into that. Yeah. Well, I mean, I've probably run into it a bunch. What I would say is. So I think, I think what my family would say is when, when I'm have, when I've had a day and they know I've had a day, there's probably a long poop in my future. Okay. Like, like an hour in the bathroom, scrolling NHL dot coms website and hiding out. You know what I call that? Personal time? Yeah. Like to be totally like. I know it's kind of silly, but, like, if if if I'm productive and, you know, things are going, like, I can get in and out pretty quickly for the most part. All right. I've never really been a bar stool kind of guy. I mean, at least since I've had kids. I I've done it, you know, like a shit day, you know, have an appointment at the end of the day, and it's me sitting on a bar stool. Yeah, I've had those days. They're very few and far between. Probably the thing that sucks the most, about what I've done is been extremely not helpful around any. Like my wife works to. So when I get home and she gets home, like we both work today. But she still has to, like, wrangle two kids and get lunches packed for the next day and do laundry and clean up because I kick my shoes off in the middle of the living room. And the dog started her period and is bleeding all over the floor. Like all of those things are real things that happen. And I will sit on the fucking couch like a bum and stare at my phone, or stare at the TV, or go out in the garage and dick around or just isolate. I think that's the thing that sucks the most is I realize in hindsight that I'm doing it, but I isolate and isolation doesn't stop when, like I get home, you know, I want to isolate, I want to, I want to be alone because I feel alone. Because my day was shit or because my mind's fucked up. And I'm thinking about the things that make me sad and, you know, all that stuff. So, then usually the boys, you know, around seven, 730, the family congregates in the living room to watch, America's Funniest Videos or Wipeout or something silly. And then the boys go to bed.

I'll fall asleep at 7:

00 on the couch, and now she's not only had to do the rest of the day by herself, she's had to do bedtime by herself, prayers by herself, and then comes and wakes me up.

We go to bed, and I sit up until 2:

00 in the morning on my phone, scrolling or watching a show or something. So it's just it's complete, avoidance or, not being not being emotionally available. And I know after it's been I know after it's done, I know I did it. But in the moment, I'm selfish and I'm, I've isolated myself in a way that makes the day feel like it wasn't so bad. I, I think my family would argue they prefer that I went the avoidance route, because I'm a crabby little bitch if I've had a poem. Oh, it's quite often, but. Right. Particularly in these moments that you're talking about where where I've had a bad day or my balance is out or however you want to look at it. I, I'm not proud of it, but I, I very outwardly wear my emotions on my sleeve and I, j can attest to that is with me every damn day and hell, the the one day our U.P.S. driver came in and he even said, well, I can tell it's not a good day to talk to Jason because he just you could just tell him like, oh shit. But that's that's the way that I am. If I, if, if, if I'm, if I'm feeling overloaded or if I'm feeling like I'm doing something wrong or just the the like like I said earlier, the balance is just out. I am crabby. And unfortunately, as a result of that, I end up taking it out on everybody around me. Whether I want to or not. I'm not. I don't get physical with anyone or actually yell at anyone necessarily. You just can tell and and as a result, I'm bringing people down with me. And to your point about realizing it after the fact, I oftentimes realize it right in the middle of it, and I'll correct it for five minutes and and feel better about it. And then all of a sudden, bam, I'm right back, right back to crabby again. Right. And and that's not fair to anyone else. I mean, no, nobody that's around me at that particular time contributed necessarily to the bad day that I had, because most often that's happening on the work side more so than the life side, but for sure. But the life side is what ends up suffering as a result of things that work. Very seldom does work suffer because of things that are happening on the life side. So I guess that kind of brings it back to the whole topic of why that harmony is so important. Because yes, work is important, and yes, work is what supports the life side of the business or the life side of the world. I guess you could say. But the life side is what matters. At the end of the day, work is work and you work to live. You don't live to work as as they say, right? So I think just taking away from this conversation, that's that's one of the things that I'm realizing is like, hey, listen, no matter how hard your day is, no matter how many hours you're putting in, no matter how good your day went at work, I particularly, and I would imagine a lot of other people need to leave that there. Yeah. Come home, be present. Don't be a crabby little bitch like I can tend to be. I will either be a crabby little bitch, or I will come home and I will literally go to sleep, like, I, I ignore, I, I, I try to just escape by going to sleep and then letting the dreams take over. Then I'm not worried about things anymore. Right. I think a lot of that is more of your emotional intelligence about your, like knowing yourself and being honest with where you're at. And, I'm going to sidebar for one second. Rp's driver Mario is the dude. He is the dude, and he comes by every day. Big smile. Dude's got tons of energy. He's an absolute blast. Mario, you're going to listen at some point in time. We love you, brother Mario. Seriously, you're the shit. That's right. You're to man. But one of the things that I'm in and I get, I get in trouble, from from people because I'm. I'm pretty direct. And I don't want to say that I'm confrontational. I'll tell you what I think. And if you're cool with it, that's fine. And if you're not cool with it, that's. That's still fine, too. But I when I was married, when I would have those types of things, I so I needed to keep my brain busy because otherwise my brain would just spin out of control. Or how bad that day was, or how or what I need to do to fix what I fucked up or whatever was happening. And so, my deal was I would come home and I would go, hey, I need to be left alone, and I but I need I'm going to be doing stuff, so I just need you to take the reins and take care of the boys. Do whatever. And I'm going to go cut the grass for two hours. I'm going to go work on whatever the project or what's going on in the house. I'm going to go I'm going to go do something, but I'm going to do it by myself. I'm going to do it so that I can feel like I did something today, because today sucked. And, 50% of the time worked out great. And she would go, yeah, get go do what you got to do. And 50% of the time, because she, she didn't understand exactly what I was telling her, she'd be like, it doesn't matter. I had a bad day to like and and sharing that and you guys. And being married at this point and and happily married, you know, sharing that load and sharing what that is. Because there's probably going to be some days that your wife didn't have a great day, and she probably needs some time to do whatever the hell she does to decompress. And you're doing the same. But if you can do that and as, a spouse, as a, as a life partner or whatever, whatever it ends up being, I mean, you should be around that person enough to go. Yeah. Jason looks rough, and he's being a crabby little bitch, and so. And I. You know what? I know for a fact that your wife will tell you. Listen, you're being kind of a crabby little bitch. Why don't you just go away for a little while? Why don't you go upstairs? Why don't you go do something? Because I'm tired of listening to you. And that's her way of giving you, I guess, what you need. I don't know how your wife handles your situation, but I like. It's, It doesn't matter who you are. You're it. You're gonna need a, a time. You're going to need a couple hours. You're gonna need whatever. Because life isn't perfect, and there's going to be those days. And hopefully those days are few and far between. But that's my my world is I go and I work on a project or I go and, on occasion that on not on occasion. Once a week it'll be I'll go play hockey and and, you know, bang into the boards or, you know, take it out on some, you know, unsuspecting other four year old guys, that didn't know I had a bad day. And, like, what the fuck is going on with you? I'll say, listen, don't worry about it. Get out of the way. But those those. And then you rightsize it, and hopefully you don't drag it into the next day with you. I think to your point about about how Hilary handles it. I think the good news there for her and I is we're very similar in that vein. So I love you, honey, but she can be crabby just the same way that I am and and vice versa. And I think for us, it's just a matter of am I the problem? No. Okay, good. And then we then we move on from that because that's, that's that's the first assumption that I have is that she's pissed off at me and I did something wrong. And then she asked me to, did she do something to me? And then when we realize we didn't piss each other off, we move on with the rest of our evening and things we we want to leave each other alone at that point in time for the most part. But most of the time you piss her off though. Hilary Barnes is saying I would. Yes. Yeah, 1,000%. Yeah. Then I'll hear every once in a while. Not often, but I'll hear like, hey, I had a shit day. It you can't also be in this spot like it's my turn. It's my turn to be crabby. And and it's not like, exactly that exclusive, but it is, you know, like, if if I know that she's had a shit day and I've had a shit day, and then I'm. I'm kind of being a crabby little bitch, you know, she'll politely remind me like, hey, you know, I had a bad day too. All right, so go do the thing or I'm going to go do the thing or whatever it is. And then usually, you can kind of, you can kind of move past things. I, I'm terrible when I know that she's had a bad day, because I think that's my opportunity to, like, kind of fuck with her and make her laugh. Oh, Christ. And it very seldom is that the answer. So, so, like, it's beautiful because, like, I know how much I can push and so I push just a little bit past that. So like, I'll get it a crack, a smile and then I'll push a little bit more and then I'm like, you can't be mad. You just smiled like you were just on board with being over this. And she and it works. It works itself out. But, yeah, I'm probably not the right person to, I'm not the right person to be super crabby around because I will lean into that shit just just pushing buttons. Yeah, yeah, I think that's, you know, my my idea is like, we got to move this energy around when you're stuck in an energy. I'm going to move it around a little bit for you. I just I've grown up with the whole philosophy of don't play with dynamite. Yeah. So I love dynamite. Oh, God, I want to, I want to oh, I'm going to be Jason. Pierre. Paul. Oh, and I'm going to hold net and lighten it up. I mean, I'll poke the bear once. Typically, if you see a bear snarling in your face, I normally I'm, fight or flight enough to, like, Bear's fucking big and mad. I should probably just back off and then my shittier side is like, I wonder, I wonder if I wonder if I just just wonder if it'll go away. If I just poke it for him, and then you know, then I get mauled. See, I'm usually like, I bet I can outrun that bear. Well, how often do you outrun that bear? Never. All right, well, I'm just confident. How many times you got mauled? More than I ever outrun it. Okay, I, I don't outrun the bear, and I don't poke the bear. I climb up the tree and I hide. Bears, climb trees. Bears. Have you ever seen a bear climb a tree? It's fucking insane. It is insane. It's unbelievable. I love the people. Like, hey, if you get. If a bear run at you, climb a tree. No, that's a terrible stop. If a bear comes that you stop and you do nothing. So maybe you do have the right. Maybe you do have the right strategy. Oh, boy. Well, the, you know, we the work life balance that we hope to achieve or the work life harmony, symbiosis there. There's a in that world you have the the hardest part about that is every one of us, everybody sitting here, everybody listening. Every one of us wants to have more fun. We want to have more time for our family. We want to have more time for ourself. Unfortunately, most of that stuff costs money. And so if you're if you're giving up hours in the day of work to go and have fun at some point, there's a law of diminishing returns that can come and bite you in the ass. So having to, a, it's, it's insane. My father is absolutely one of my heroes, and he is absolutely nuts. It's it's people that know him are like, how how how did you grow up with that? Because he's he's an unbelievably good dude. His energy is through the roof. He's 69 years old right now, and he has twice as much energy as I do. It's he gets up at six every single day and he gets at it and he's got every he's got shit to do. He's got. But he and my his dad for my entire life, as long as I can remember, I it to nauseum with tell me when it's time to work. You work and you work as hard as you can. And when it's time to play, you play and you play as hard as you can because. And you don't mix the two because you can't do it well mixing the two. And so there's the the end goal for me and what I ended up taking out of that growing up was, you know, there's going to be those weeks and most those weeks you're going to work a lot more than you're going to play. But when you get that opportunity to play and you're whether it's with the kids, whether it's your own personal time, it's whatever it is, go have the best time that you can and find a way to get yourself in that mindset that you're going to go have the best time that you can right? I like that it's it's it's a it's a it's a. Very purposeful mindset to have around and certainly around, you know, focus around around having focus towards whatever's in front of you. Yeah. And I think that's where a lot of people lack productivity is they just have really shitty focus. Yeah, I have I still play a ton of sports and, old man sports 40 and over, sports some 20 and over sports and still trying to relive my youth a little bit, but, I people ask for like, man, why do you why do you still do it? Why do you still play hockey? Why do you still play volleyball? Why do you still play basketball? Why do you still play softball? Because it's fucking fun. And it's and it's something that's not work and it's something that I can take my mind off of. And for an hour or two, I can focus on that and burn out all of my energy. And I can be fucking angry, is I want to be playing hockey. I can I can do all kinds of other stuff and be a kid for an hour and I would I would challenge anybody to go do something that is fun. That is, you're like, that makes you feel like a kid and try and be mad afterwards. And it's rare, like I've, I've had a couple of those times when I've been insanely mad and had really, really bad days that I've played and still been mad afterwards. But 99% of the time give me one, takes care of it. Give me one hour to do something that a kid would do. And and I'm I might that that stressor might still be there. That problem might still be there. And it probably is afterwards. But I'm not nearly as pissed off about it. Yeah, yeah, I'm a, I mean, that's a good point. I'm a firm believer that anger is a temporary emotion, and most of the time it is a mask for either sadness or fear. And I'm not going to get too deep. That was pretty deep. But, when you're angry, it's because that's the reaction. And the emotion is typically, I'm sad about something or I'm afraid of something. And if you do something like play hockey or, you know, go sit, or, you know, play golf or whatever it is and release that anger and, and move that out of the your vision. You typically get to I'm sad about this or I'm afraid of this. And those are things that you can take action against. You can take action against fear and sadness. It's very difficult. Take the action at least. Action that's, intelligent. Yeah. From anger. So, I mean, I think, I think doing something that moves the anger to the side allows you to handle whatever's underlying which is, in my experience, mostly sadness and fear. I think I'm going to take a lesson from that. Me personally, like, I know we're always trying to come up with ways for for everybody who's listening to take something away. But I think I'm, I'm taking that away from this episode, I think is I don't know what that thing is like. If you say that your thing is sports, right? You're going to you're going to go, you're going to play a sport, you're going to you're going to focus on that and just let everything else kind of go. I don't other than sleep, I don't that that's my that's my escape. I immediately just I'm like, I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm I'm pissed. I'm pissing off everybody around me. I'm going to go to sleep. And I think that's an unhealthy way to deal with it a lot of the times. But that's just what I've always chosen to do. Yeah. So I think coming out of this discussion, that's one of the things that I want to figure out and discover for myself is what can I do that I like your the way that you're calling it. What what is something a kid would do, like carefree and just enjoyable. And I need to figure out what that thing is and and embrace that concept. I think it's a good idea. I can't sleep if I'm angry. Like, if I'm mad, zero chance I'll stay up all night just grinding on it. There. There's my my my testosterone levels. My energy is through. Just angry and I can't. I cannot do it. And it doesn't even matter if I get to a spot where I'm like, I'm not even really mad, I'm sad, or I'm disappointed in myself, or I'm afraid of what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm afraid of whatever this, whatever, whatever's going on. Because it makes me more mad because I'm like, God, you are some sort of bitch. I why are you fucking sad? I'm like, what in the fuck is wrong with you? And so I have to burn that energy off. And and from what I know in my own world, I can I can run on on anger. For a short window. And I can be real angry, and I can be super shitty to be around for that, whatever length of time that is. But that's an emotion you can't run with for a long period of time. So if you can find the outlet for that an hour or two hours, I mean, I fucking challenge you to be angry for three hours straight. It's hot. It will exist. Just you just doing nothing, just being fucking mad. For three hours. You are exhausted. And so if you can find whatever that is and it's different for everybody. But that was that's what I figured out about myself, is if I can do something that I would that just. Makes me happy or makes, you know, is is something a kid would do and not feel ridiculous. I mean, I'm not going to go outside and jump rope or, you know, hopscotch, but maybe no offense to those who jump rope. Yeah, jump rope is hard as shit for seeing the really good fucking double Dutch dudes. I'm pretty good at jumping rope, by the way. You're ass on a stick. You're not fucking good to jump. I'm not. But, you know, those are. Those are the things you got to do, man. And and maybe your thing is jump. That'd be. Man. That's fucking hilarious.

I'd love to see you outside, like 9:

00. Yeah, we we might. We might have to make that happen. A future episode. I'm down. I can just crossover it all. I want to see you do the monkey bars. That's what I want to have. You have you try to do the monkey bars like picking a kid. Things like a real monkey bar. Just go like you think you can still do a monkey bars? Course you're wrong. We can definitely do this. We talked about this, and you can't. Which cracks my shit. I tried and I failed. I can still do the monkey now. How long are these monkey bars? How many? How many rungs are we talking about? I can't get from rung one to rung two. Wait. And how high above the ground? Because I'm also afraid of heights. So how does that work? I'm talking normal playground monkey bars. It turns out my giant anaconda arms aren't good enough to hold my 210 pound frame. That's fair. Okay, I'm gonna give it a shot. More of a grip strength. Most of the monkey bars that are around here, though, I'm too tall for it. I can just walk and do that. So I have to, like, bend my knees and do that. But, after you told me that you failed at the monkey bars, I went out to the backyard. Like, this is bullshit. I say this, and so I ripped off. I ripped off six rungs. I mean, I was pretty pretty. I was pretty good. You know, I had to sit down for a little while. He casually let go as if he was intentionally letting me. Yeah. I'm good. I did six. I'm taking that as seven monkey. But as long as it's more than Jake, I'm taking that as my homework, though. I'm going to come up with what? What that thing is that, that I can resort to in those moments when I know that I'm being a crabby bitch, instead of fixing that for five minutes and getting right back into it, or choosing to go to sleep for 14 hours, yeah, I need to find some other outlet to let that negative energy go and and bring back some normalcy to life. I think that's, that's a, that's a good to do for me to take away from this conversation. Yeah I agree, I agree. Well, I mean, you've been listening to, the Grown Ass Dad podcast. Thank you for listening. If you've been, listening to us on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe. Comment. Like this episode. Don't forget that we're also on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, we're on TikTok. We're everywhere. I don't know, Jason. Where are we? We're going. We're going global, baby. We're going. We're we're we're on all the socials. We're YouTube. But, I think another important one is, grown ass dads at gmail.com hit us up. We we think we have a lot of topics we want to discuss and things that are going to make sense to you guys as our listeners and things that we look forward to talking about. But perhaps you as a grown ass dad, have some questions that you want to get our perspective on or just want to kind of throw out there as a discussion topic? Send it to us via email, DM us on Facebook or Instagram, put it in the YouTube comments, let everybody else share their stories as well. Don't hesitate to reach out to us. We want to. We want to, address your topics in addition to the ones that we think are most important. So hit us up. We'd look forward to, sharing it with everybody else. Love that today, boys. Cheers. Thanks for listening. Growing us dads out.