Episode 58 - When Compassion Fades: Finding Wisdom in a Funeral Director's Callousness

A chance encounter at a funeral home changed my perspective forever. Witnessing a funeral director press a grieving family about timelines and overtime charges while they waited for relatives traveling from New York left everyone stunned. This callous interaction—happening during one of life's most vulnerable moments—reveals a profound truth: becoming desensitized to people and situations is a silent relationship killer.

The funeral director had been performing his role for over twenty years. What struck me was how completely he'd lost touch with the emotional weight of his work. If someone working in an industry centered around grief and compassion could become this detached, what hope do we have in our everyday relationships? The people we see daily—spouses, children, parents, coworkers—deserve our full presence and sensitivity, yet familiarity makes it dangerously easy to take them for granted.

This pattern extends beyond human relationships to our spiritual connections and appreciation for life's blessings. I share a personal story about losing part of my thumb in a workplace accident—how the excruciating pain and permanent limitation taught me to value what I previously took for granted. Only after losing sensation and dexterity did I fully appreciate what I'd had all along. King Solomon's wisdom that "this too shall pass" applies to both our trials and our moments of inspiration. The key is recognizing fleeting moments of clarity and appreciation, then holding onto them as long as possible.

Don't wait until something—or someone—is gone to recognize its value. Join me as we explore how to remain present, sensitive, and grateful for what we have while we still have it. This deliberate appreciation not only enriches our experience but strengthens our most important relationships. Listen now and transform how you approach each day with those who matter most.

Transcript

Funeral Home Incident Revealed

Speaker 1 0:00

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Trust Factor, the podcast that's going to guarantee your success using divine age-old wisdom. We're sharing a story that happened yesterday and we know there's no such thing as coincidence. An event that happened yesterday that I witnessed that I think is important for me to share because there is a tremendous learning opportunity for personal growth that we can take out of this story. What happened? Let me tell you. I had the misfortune yesterday of going to a friend of mine's father's funeral. The funeral was scheduled for 3 pm. I arrived just shortly after 3, maybe 3.05 at the latest. A couple minutes after arriving let's call him the funeral director, the guy who runs the show he approaches my friend whose father had just passed away and who was speaking to my rabbi, and he says, within earshot of me and a couple other bystanders, that it's time to get going because we booked the cemetery for 3 pm and it's now getting late. It was probably it was less than 10 past three and we should get going because he booked the funeral or the cemetery for 3 pm. To which my friend, who's obviously preoccupied, thinking about many different things, thought OK but didn't respond and then said I have family coming in. They're driving in from New York, which is an eight to 10 hour drive. They're coming in for the funeral. I think we should wait they're only 15 or 20 minutes away To which the funeral director responds okay, but you should know you're going to get charged. There's going to be a charge If you go overtime over here. You're going to get an overtime charge, and he said it just like that, in that tone. Obviously, we were all surprised and put off by it. My friend is contemplating you could see that he's contemplating. He's not in a place where he's clear-minded and certainly not in a position to start negotiating. And he repeats it again. The funeral director says we should really get going because otherwise you're going to get charged.

Speaker 1 1:56

At this point we're all quite uncomfortable and the rabbi pipes up and rightly so, says I think we should wait, out of respect for the family members who are coming in for the funeral. I think we should wait 15 or 20 minutes, at which point the funeral director, again for the third time, says okay, it's up to you, it's your event, you're going to get charged, they're going to send a bill to you, and he walks away. Needless to say, it was a very uncomfortable situation. It was one that should have never happened. In fact, most of us were thinking about it well into the evening later on at the Shiva house, and it upset a lot of us, and rightly so, myself included.

Speaker 1 2:34

But I had time to think about it, to sleep on it, and I decided that there's obviously a lesson in it to share. So let's talk about it. What's the lesson? What can we take away from this event? Because we know there's no such thing as coincidences in this world. We know that everything is perfectly crafted.

Desensitization in Sensitive Industries

Speaker 1 2:48

I had to be there, I had to witness this, and I know I'm giving a podcast today, so there's obviously a message in it, and the message is the following that individual who runs that funeral home I've seen him for at least 20 years. He is the guy. If you've ever done a funeral in the city. You've seen this individual. He does multiple funerals a day, six days a week, and he's been doing it for at least 20 years that I know of.

Speaker 1 3:14

And I've resigned to the fact that I concluded that this individual has simply been doing it for too long and, as a result, he has become desensitized to the situation. What happens to be that this individual is working in an industry where becoming desensitized to doing your job after having done it for so long, which would otherwise be a normal occurrence, is not one that should be allowed. This is an industry where people need to have ongoing recurring training to remind them that they are dealing with individuals at a critical point in their life, where they are very much at everybody's mercy and they are emotionally unavailable, and that we have to operate with people in a very sensitive way when it comes to funerals, the loss of a loved one. Obviously, you and I are listening to this, thinking. Okay, that's obvious, we all know that. But the lesson is that if this individual who is working in such a sensitive industry, where he has to be on his A game and be very aware of his words and his actions when interacting with his clients, if even he can get to the point where he's lost all sensitivity to the individual, to the idea of death and dying, he's completely desensitized to it, then what should we say?

Human Nature and Taking Relationships for Granted

Speaker 1 4:42

Think about our lives, think about the people who we interact with on a daily basis, that we see every single day our spouses, our children, our parents, our coworkers, our community, all the people who surround us every day. Human nature dictates that the more we are in the situation, the more we are around these individuals, the more likely we are to become desensitized to them or to situations, and that is not a good thing, because that also applies in your relationship with your creator. The more you are in a situation or you have something, the more you take it for granted. When you lose something, when it's no longer there, suddenly you're contemplating did I maximize it? Was I good with it, or did I become desensitized to it and therefore take it for granted? And most of the time that's the answer, my friends, because that's how we're programmed.

The Thumb Story: Appreciating What We Have

Speaker 1 5:39

The smart money recognizes this. The smart individual who doesn't want to fall into the trap that everybody else falls into, tries to maximize their inspiration. When you recognize that there is a problem and you found the fix to the problem, hold on to that fix and run with it as far and as long as you can. Hold on to that inspiration and run with it as far and long as you can. Why? Because eventually it's going to fade. We've said before. King Solomon, in his wisdom, said this too shall pass. Everything passes, the good and the bad. That includes your sensitivity. Situations into individual that includes your inspirations that you get throughout the bad. That includes your sensitivity situations into individual. That includes your inspirations that you get throughout the day. They will fade, but the smart money holds onto them, because you know it's going to fade, that you should hold onto it as long as possible.

Speaker 1 6:34

Let me give you a small example with myself. I have a snack food manufacturing business example with myself. I have a snack food manufacturing business and I'm often in the back fixing equipment. I'm a handy person and so I'm capable. Oftentimes I'm the guy who keeps the machines running.

Speaker 1 6:48

Many, many years ago, in trying to fix a piece of equipment, I disabled safety features to be able to analyze and assess what the problem was and then, before going in to fix the machine, I did not reestablish the safety protocols and I lost the top part of my left thumb Pretty gruesome. Sorry for the details, but it's what happened. I had the top half of my thumb was hanging on by a thread and I had to go to the hospital. It was the worst pain I've ever been in in my life. I went to the hospital and I had it reattached and, thank God, many years later I have what looks like and operates like a mostly normal thumb.

Speaker 1 7:28

If you look at it closely you'll see that it differs from my right thumb and today, because the shape is slightly off and the sensitivity and the sensation is almost not there at the tip of my thumb. I am somewhat handicapped in my ability to use my left thumb, so when I'm typing small example on a screen on a keyboard on my phone, it's very difficult and it's frustrating because oftentimes I have to delete and restart because I'm pressing the wrong key just because of the mirror shape or this lack of sensitivity in my thumb. When I'm trying to do delicate work and fixing a piece of equipment, again I don't have that sensation in the tip of my thumb. Only now, after I've lost it, do I appreciate more what I've had. It makes me appreciate more my right thumb, which is whole and complete.

Turning Negative into Positive Growth

Speaker 1 8:18

The point is you don't know oftentimes what you've got until it's gone and sometimes it's gone permanently. The point is that we should learn from this individual. We should learn from this concept of becoming desensitized and taking things for granted, knowing or expecting that they're going to be there tomorrow. And for this funeral director it was just another job and he's going to have another funeral tomorrow and the next day, and at this point he's thrown in the towel. My friends, let's not be like that. Let's take the negative circumstance that happened and turn it into a positive. Let's remember that we can appreciate what we have while we have it and we can enjoy it that much more, for that much longer. Have a spectacular, spectacular day.