Episode 86 - Who Deserves Your Trust When Everyone Wants Something

The world is louder, faster, and more chaotic than it used to be and that noise makes it easy to lose clarity, peace, and trust. With Passover right around the corner, we use this moment as a practical reset: step away from the mundane, focus on family and community, and reconnect to purpose and to God in a way that actually changes how we live day to day. 

A listener brings a sharp, honest question that many people carry quietly: what happens when you try to ask for forgiveness, but the person you hurt refuses to speak to you or won’t forgive you? We walk through the Jewish approach to repentance and interpersonal repair, including why wrongs between people can’t be “prayed away,” what sincere effort really looks like, and how repeated attempts and alternative channels like emissaries can matter. We also share why having access to a rabbi (even an arm’s length relationship) is one of the most underrated tools for navigating Halacha, accountability, and peace-making with integrity. 

Then we zoom out to a bigger trust problem: prestige, fame, honour, and the ego traps that come with power. We break down how entourages and enablers form, why flattery is so addictive, and what real respect looks like in the wild. We end with a warning about people-pleasing and being used, plus a preview of the next challenge: responding to insults and humiliation the right way. Subscribe, share this with someone prepping for Passover or rebuilding trust, and leave a review with the line that stayed with you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:10

The trust factor is a ticket to a bell of the life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the mind.

Passover Prep And Purpose

unknown 0:21

Trust factor.

Why You Need A Rabbi

When Someone Refuses Forgiveness

Prestige Tests And Dangerous Enablers

Real Respect Comes From Respecting Others

Beware People Pleasers Getting Used

Share Subscribe And Connect

SPEAKER_00 0:22

The world is louder and more chaotic than ever. That's why clarity and truth have never been more important. Welcome to the Trust Factor Podcast. Good morning, everybody. Thank you for tuning in on this final countdown where within about just over 24 hours from now, we are going to stop eating chemets. We're going to stop eating anything that has leavened bread in it. And we are going to start our final preparations for the holiday of Passover. It's an amazing time. It's going to be some downtime. Time with your family, time with friends, time to connect back to real purpose. Leave the mundane behind. Close the door, lock it up, put it in a box, and don't let it out. This is your opportunity to connect back to your creator and to your real purpose. So I hope you're going through the motions, doing the things that you need to do. You still got plenty of time to do them. So do not worry, do not fret. Just keep doing what you're doing and you will be fine. Now, yesterday I had a listener from the podcast reach out to me with a very important question. And her question illustrated very clearly why it is that we need to have the right people in our lives, namely rabbis and rabbits, people that we can reach out to for assistance with a simple question. Guys, a relationship with a rabbi does not need to be a heavy duty thing. You're not either all in or all out. You can have rabbis that you confer with. They are there, that's what they do for a living. They advise people for a living. So if you're coming to them looking for a relationship, even an arm's length relationship where you can check in from time to time with an important question, that's exactly what they're there for. Nothing will make them happier than you approaching them with a question on Halacha. How as a Jew should I do X, Y, and Z? Nothing makes them happier. That's what they've dedicated their lives to. And so the question yesterday was in the podcast, I said that somebody who doesn't take forgiveness seriously and doesn't ask of their friend, hurts their friend, hurts another individual, but does not ask for forgiveness from them, or does not receive forgiveness from them, will never be forgiven. That they will carry that forever. God cannot forgive them. No matter how much you pray, no matter how much charity you give, you simply won't be forgiven for the sins, for the acts that you've done against your fellow men. Now she reached out to me with a wonderful question. She asked, Well, wait a second. What if I'm chasing somebody and asking for forgiveness? But that person does not want to forgive me. They're avoiding me, they have no interest in hearing me out. Depending on the circumstance and the situation, and there are many, you may find yourself in a position with an individual that you simply cannot ask for forgiveness from them. What do you do? They don't want to hear from you, they avoid you at all costs. So does that mean now that I have to walk around bearing this guilt? And here's the answer. But before I give you the answer, I want you to understand, and I should reiterate it for the purpose of the podcast. Number one, I've said this a million times, I'm not a rabbi. I'm a guy who's got his head on straight. I'm a guy who loves God. I'm a guy who learns his Torah. I've learned from many rabbis over the years, and I've given over many classes. But I'm not a halachic authority. That's number one. But I still know the odd bit here and there that I'm willing to share always with the caveat that you should find your local Orthodox rabbi and ask them the question. Now, the answer happens to be, and I told her yesterday, that there is always a way out because God loves you. At the end of the day, if you're doing the right thing, you can be sure that God is going to find a way to absolve you of your sin because at the end of the day, you're doing what he wants you to do. He's never going to put you in a situation where you can't get out of it if you're trying to do his will. So if you're trying to do his will by asking for forgiveness, by making peace with a friend, then you know there is a way for you to wiggle out if your friend isn't playing ball. And the way that it works, generally speaking, is that you're supposed to approach that individual multiple times, at least three times. And it needs to be done in earnest. It needs to be done with sincerity. You have to do everything you can to try and get in front of that person at least those three times. If they insist on avoiding you like the plague, you have to do everything you can to get your message to them in another way through another channel to get the message to them that you want to apologize because you feel bad. That could be sending over emissaries. I'm going to send somebody. We have a mutual friend. I'm going to tell that mutual friend that I really feel bad, I want to apologize. You're going to see them. Please let them know. Send that person again three times, or different people three times. You have to make alternative methods than you just reaching out to them. And if, despite all of those valiant efforts, this individual simply does not want to have anything to do with you and will not give you atonement, then do you know what happens? That individual bears the guilt of the sin. You are absolved. You've made every effort to do God's will, and the other person stopped you because they've made every effort to do the opposite. And so God gives punishment to the individual who was supposed to receive the apology, and you are completely absolved. So you understand that's how it works. There's never a clause that locks you in, oh, you made a mistake, and now you're going to suffer for eternity. It doesn't work that way. He's not masochistic. He wants you to succeed. He's your loving father. But you have to know how to do it. What are the proper channels? And the best way to figure that out is have a rabbi. Guys, today you could be the most disconnected Jew from Judaism. And you could still find yourself a Chabad rabbi. They are almost everywhere. It doesn't matter where you live these days, and you don't even have to be close to them. Go online, go to their websites, find a local synagogue to you, call them, send them an email, and ask the question. Again, that's what they get paid for, not just in this world, they get paid in the next world. That's their entire purpose. So find one, it's that important. This is just one wonderful example of where having a rabbi is critically important. Prestige, fame, honor, all of these fall into the same category. They are a difficult test. People of authority, generally speaking, they derive pleasure that others need them and others flatter them and so forth. Where do you see this? Entourage, Hollywood, the big money. They're always surrounded by people. Always. They'll never be alone. You'll never find them alone. Why? Because these people need to be surrounded by people, but not just any people. The people who know how to placate them, who know how to stroke their ego, how to make them feel good. And this is very, very dangerous because those people are what we call enablers. You know what this is, right? When you find somebody who, God forbid, is an alcoholic or a drug abuser, oftentimes there are people who are enabling them. They are just as guilty, if not more, than the individual themselves. There's always something in it for them. When it comes to the wealthy, these are the people oftentimes running around with their hands open, trying to catch the crumbs that fall from these people. Or if they're people above them in a position of seniority, above them at work, it's because they want to get into their good books so that they don't have to work as hard. They can get the easy jobs. It's always self-serving. But these people, for some reason, with all their power and all their wealth and all their authority, they haven't been able to figure this out on the smallest level because the desire for that prestige to have somebody around them telling them how wonderful they are is such a big draw. I've seen it myself. Very wealthy people, very powerful people are being taken advantage of every single day, much more than the average person is. Why? Because they're this relationship. The people that they choose to surround themselves with are the types of people who will say and do anything, very low moral value. These are the type of people they surround themselves with because these are the type of people who will denigrate themselves for a buck. They will denigrate themselves, they will lower themselves in front of these people in order to be able to potentially gain something from this individual who says they're going to gain anything. Oftentimes they don't. Oftentimes these people, because they have what they have, they hold on to it even tighter. And these people end up just following them around like a ball and chain. A person is prestigious, not when they're looking for respect for themselves. They're prestigious in reality when they're looking and they're worried about the respect of others, when they're careful with other people's dignity, and not when everybody bows down to them. People disdain those who crave authority, flattery, and prestige. Human nature tends to respect a person who respects others. It's very simple. You know the guy who's got arrogance dripping off of him. Everywhere he goes, his nose is up in the air, his chest is puffed out, he doesn't look at you. Even worse, they don't recognize you. You've met them a dozen times, and they still don't recognize you. Why? Because they're busy trying to work the room. They're busy presenting themselves to everybody and being seen. And as a result of that, the moment, that fleeting moment that they're in front of you, it's just so that you could see them. They don't even remember your name when they come around 15 minutes later. Or when you see them a day later, but you've seen them a dozen times and you've had conversations with them and they still don't recognize you. What do you mean? I just spoke to you yesterday. I met you at the function. We spoke for 15, 20 minutes. And today you don't even recognize me because they're too busy looking around the room, trying to figure out who's next on their radar. Nobody likes a person like that. That's a person who's running around looking for prestige. We don't need those types of people around us. They're self-serving. Who do we need around us? The people who are constantly worried about making sure that we're okay, that we're respected, that we're honored. They're looking, they're not worried about themselves, they're worried about everybody else. These are the people that after a conversation with them, you feel good. They remember your name. They're making eye contact with you, they're inquiring about you, they're adding value to your life just in a conversation. You will remember these people forever. You want to be around people like that. Again, this comes with a warning. And the warning is that we as human beings are programmed from birth to be selfish. We're selfish beings. It's a mechanism of survival. It comes from infancy that when we need something, we cry. And the mother hears us crying, and our parent comes over with a bottle or to change the diaper. If we don't cry, nothing is wrong. And we learn very quickly on in our lives that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. And so a lot of people carry that with them into adulthood, unfortunately. And so they look specifically for the individuals who are selfless, who are running around worrying about other people's honor and prestige. So the risk becomes that they target you, that they now recognize that you are a quote-unquote people pleaser. And so they're going to target you to please them happens too often. I've seen it many times. You have to be aware. If you're the type of person who is worried about other people's prestige, and you should be, you should constantly worry about other people's honor, not your own. By worrying about other people's honor, you will derive natural honor. But if you're that person, again, just be aware that there are a lot of self-serving individuals out there, that even into adulthood, they behave like infants, that they only keep those people around them who cater to them. Don't be that person. Just be aware that it's one thing to worry about other people's honor, and it's another thing entirely to be used by individuals who are self-serving. A person who feels arrogance and self-importance is going to fail. His rise to power will only deepen the fall that follows. The higher they are, the harder they fall. He'll be punished, whether in his marriage or at his place of employment. Others will ridicule him and rebel against him. His arrogance will be his downfall. That is the end of an arrogant individual. Tomorrow we get into insults and humiliation. Guys, this is the real test. This is a massive test. When somebody comes at you with insults and humiliation, how do you respond? There is a right way to respond, and there was a wrong way to respond. And I'll give you a little bit of a spoiler. It is incredibly difficult to respond the right way. But as we've said many times, Lefum Tsar Agra, according to the pain is the pleasure. According to the challenge is the reward. The bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward. The bigger the insults, the bigger the humiliation, the better you deal with it, the better your reward. That will be tomorrow, my friends. Have an amazing, productive day getting ready for Passover. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts, drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.