Episode 158 - Divorce's Hidden Truths

💔 "Divorce is the new trend, but is it really what you want?"  

👉 Tag someone who needs to hear this!  

So many of us are caught in the cycle of ending relationships, thinking it’s a quick fix to our problems. But what if I told you that divorce can feel like losing a part of yourself? One woman described it as being released from prison, only to feel a gnawing emptiness afterward.  

When you commit to someone, your souls unite. Splitting up isn't just about physical separation; it's a painful severing of that bond. Many people don’t realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.  

Divorce comes with baggage—emotional wounds that can weigh you down in future relationships. It’s crucial to work through conflicts while you’re still together.  

We need to be better examples for our children, showing them what love and respect look like. Let’s shift the narrative and embrace the hard work that love requires.  

What do you think?  

#divorceawareness  #marriagematters  #relationshipgoals  #theTrustFactorPodcast #emotionalhealth 

Transcript

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Their knight in shining armor, who's waiting for them, the perfect woman who's going to take care of them. We dilute ourselves, and our friends oftentimes are adding fuel to that fire, telling you about how everybody's waiting for you out there just to get divorced. Once the divorce is over and they discover what this is critical, that their personal value on the open market, on the mate market, is a lot lower than they previously thought. Who wouldn't want me? Are you kidding? I've got so much to offer. But what they realize later on is that men are not standing in line for divorced women, especially if there is a truckload of children that come with that package deal. And women are weary of divorced men. Why do you get divorced in the first place? The trust factor is a ticket to a better life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the life. Good morning, everybody, and welcome to another episode for this Friday. Thank God we cranked out another week. It's Friday on the Trust Factor Podcast. Thank you for joining. We're talking about divorce, the big D word. It's unfortunately become all too common. And we've been getting a lot of feedback from this. People are engaging in it for obvious reasons because a lot of people are dealing with this. They may not be divorced, but they've got family or they've got friends that are either divorced or on the verge of being divorced. If you know people like that, do them a favor. If you really care about them, share this podcast. This is information that they will not get from the secular world. They simply won't. Because odds are that the therapists, the very same people who are trying to advise them on their marriage, have been married and divorced multiple times. It's a trend. It's in fashion, unfortunately, because it coincides with this idea that we are a disposable society. That's what we're living in. There's no denying it, my friends. We've talked about it for a few days now, and it should be crystal clear to you. So if there are people who you care about and who are on the brink of divorce, do whatever you can to help them save their marriage. It is not everything that it's cracked up to be. We're going to get back into the book and I'm going to give you some commentary on it, and you'll see if you haven't already exactly what I'm talking about. It says, one woman told me that she was looking forward to her divorce as if she was about to be released from prison, like she was about to win the lottery. Finally, get me away from this individual. But after the divorce, she said, I felt a terrible pain, a gnawing emptiness inside of me, and I felt as if one of my limbs had been cut off, had been amputated. This woman experienced a true feeling. The souls of a couple are essentially one. That's what happens when you get married. Your souls come together and become united as one. There is a classic example that is given of a Jewish couple that goes to the doctor because the wife's leg is hurting. And when the doctor sees the husband and says, How are you? What can I help you with today? The husband says, Our leg is hurting. What do you mean, our leg? It's either your leg is hurting or her leg is hurting. Which one is it? And because it was her leg, but she's his wife, he said, No, no, no, no, you don't understand. Our leg is hurting. We are one. We are one in the same. That's how it needs to be looked at, not just from a physical perspective, but also from a spiritual perspective. That God worked overtime. I've told you before, it says that making a mate, making a match, bringing two people together, the right two people, is as difficult for God, even though nothing is difficult for him, as splitting the sea. And we know that the splitting of the sea was a monumental event. It was huge. And so bringing two people together is just as challenging and just as massive of a feat as it was to split the sea. That's how we should be looking at our marriage to realize that thank God we came together, not to rush to get rid of it. Doesn't make any sense. But he says that's exactly right. That you were essentially one and when you divorce, you're splitting up into two. You're splitting your souls, you're severing them from one another. And that he says is tantamount to going into open heart surgery with no anesthetic. He says it's torture. That's the reality. But again, I want to clarify for you. You're going to know people who are divorced. Many people, because we're living in that situation. And sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes you will find that many of those people have found a wonderful relationship. They've remarried and they're doing so much better with this new individual than they were with the previous. That can happen. There's no question it can happen. Oftentimes, especially if it's the woman who ends up finding a new mate, and that mate works out really, really well for her. It's much more common than a man who gets divorced and finds another woman. Oftentimes, that new marriage fails, and that man often remarries two, three, four times, and oftentimes remains alone. Why? Because the man is oftentimes the guy who has to fix. He has so much that he needs to repair. That's why men have so many more mitzvahs. We're commanded so much more than women are, because men have a lot more to fix. We aren't naturally connected to a higher power like a woman is. A woman has a sixth sense. A woman connects back to this concept of a creator of a supernatural power much easier than a guy does. Again, I'm giving you over here a generality. There are always exceptions to the rule. But by and large, the rule is exactly what I just told you. So if you find a woman who's been remarried, she found the right guy who's willing to work on himself. She found the right guy who's going to do the heavy lifting to be able to become the best version of him and to make sure that he knows and he recognizes who his wife is, and that he has to do everything he can to make his wife happy and content, and to never bring her down and never insult her. The person before her was doing that and wasn't willing to change. And so as a result, she moved on. But that whole process should not be taken lightly, just like it says over here. Just because she found the right guy, it doesn't make the original divorce that much easier. It's still torture, it's still painful. And if you have children, it's that much more painful. Loneliness lingers, he says. Before the divorce, people tend to entertain all types of fantasies about the rosy future and the dream of the second marriage that awaits them. Their knight in shining armor, who's waiting for them, the perfect woman who's going to take care of them. We dilute ourselves, and our friends oftentimes are adding fuel to that fire, telling you about how everybody's waiting for you out there just to get divorced, and your life is going to change once you do. Once the divorce is over and they discover what this is critical, that their personal value on the open market, on the mate market, is a lot lower than they previously thought. Who wouldn't want me? Are you kidding? I've got so much to offer. But what they realize later on is that men are not standing in line for divorced women, especially if there is a truckload of children that come with that package deal, right? And conversely, women are weary of divorced men. Why did he get divorced in the first place? How did that relationship fall apart? If he's all that he thinks he's cracked up to be, and if that presentation that he's putting up for me is real, what happened with the first marriage? Was she really the problem? Or maybe he was, and maybe I'm not getting the full picture, right? On top of what I told you before with regards to the phoniness that you see in the world, nobody puts their true self out there for people to see. It's always the perfect representation of who they want to be. They will show you all the good that happens in their lives. They'll take pictures of wonderful meals. They won't take pictures of meals that don't look good. They will put on all of their celebrations, all of the parties that they go to. They will never post all of the arguments and the fights that they're having with their spouse, with their children, with their family members. They'll post when they got a new job and it came with a bonus and all these wonderful perks. But they will never post a video of their depressive state after they were fired from their dream job. They only show you what they want you to see. It takes you connecting to them and making that commitment to finally get some insight into who they really are. But by then, oftentimes it's too late. And if it's not too late, so now you got to shut down that relationship and go find somebody else. And odds are you're gonna find somebody very similar because they're living in the same generation. If you've been married for 20, 30, 40 years, it's already a different generation. You're not gonna be able to compute. You're not gonna be able to connect to how these people operate. It's gonna make you crazy and you're gonna wish that you could turn back the hands of time and says divorce is a serious stigma that complicates finding a new mate. Just the fact that you've been divorced. Although I will give you that the fact that everybody's getting divorced and it's the new trend, it's not so bad. And that in and of itself is a bad thing. Divorcees won't admit it, but many of them regret their divorces and that they would turn back the hands of time if they only could. Unfortunately, we can't. You get one crack at it, my friends. Once you're divorced, everything changes. Once you've signed the papers, once you've moved out, it's all different. Like we said yesterday. As long as you're still there, as long as you haven't left, as long as you're still emotionally connected, you can repair almost anything, and you can improve your relationship and take it to levels that you've never imagined. But you have to still be there in order for that to happen. And what about this? Listen to this. There's also those that can't forget and can't forgive. I was just talking about this yesterday. Their hearts are full of hatred and anger, and they harbor hatred towards their ex-mates. You carry that baggage with you. A lot of people are not able to release that baggage. They're not able to just let it go and walk away into a new relationship. They're going to carry it with them, and it's going to impact their new relationship. The only way to fix it is while you're still in it. Because when you're gone, there's now no longer an incentive to work on repairing the harm that was done to you by your ex-mate. So now they've moved on. Maybe they've even moved to another country. You're never going to see them again, which means you're never going to be able to reconcile. You're never going to be able to make that right in your mind, which means that weight is going to be like an anchor weighing you down in your new relationship. And as long as one side harbors hatred, both sides will continue to suffer, especially if there are kids. If there are kids, they're going to be the punching bag of all of your hatred. It's all going to land squarely on their shoulders. And they're going to grow up, believe this, because it's true, they are going to grow up resentful and spiteful, not just to you, not just to the parents who caused it, but to all of the people around them and the spouses that they find. It gets perpetuated. It continues. It's a vicious cycle. It needs to be nipped in the bud. The children need to be defended from that at all costs. They need to be sheltered. They need to see bliss when they see their parents. They need to see love. They need to see respect. They need to see mutual honor. When they see that, they will mimic that in their relationships with their spouses. Whatever they see with their parents, the odds are greatly, greatly that they will mimic it. There's always the exception. No question. There's always the person who's able to rise above. There's always a person who's able to see clearly cut through the fog and the noise and make good decisions, despite the fact that they weren't taught properly and they were given examples that they should not replicate. So they don't, because they're mature emotionally enough to be able to make those changes. But most people aren't. Most people will carry that baggage with them. And you know what they'll do? They'll use it as a crutch. They'll use it as an excuse of why their lives are in the toilet, why they've failed in marriage, why they've been married multiple times, why things don't work out for them. You know why? Because my parents didn't do a good job, because my parents were divorced, because my parents were in each other's throats. They will constantly go back and use that excuse because it is just that. It is a reason. It's something that they could point at to blame and say, it's not me. It's not me. I'm not at fault. It's my parents' fault. It's the people who raised me. They messed up and therefore doesn't matter that I'm 40. Doesn't matter that I'm 50 or I'm 60. I'm going to take it to the grave with me. Why? Because it's a tool in my pocket for me to feel better about the bad choices that I've made. That's what happens. You need to shelter your children at all costs. They need to see bliss in that relationship. If you care about them enough for them to have marital bliss when it comes time for them to get married, sins between man and fellow man is a really, really big problem. You have to understand this. In Torah, if you sin against your creator, if you go against one of his commandments that are directly connected back to him, like for example, keeping the holidays or eating kosher. If I eat kosher, if I don't eat kosher, it doesn't matter to my Jewish neighbor. It makes no difference for him personally. If he doesn't know specially, it makes no impact on his life. Although we are connected on a spiritual level. If he doesn't know that I'm not eating kosher, it doesn't affect him. And if it does, he has to make efforts. But really at the end of the day, he can't forgive me if I'm eating non-kosher. God has to forgive me because it's a mitzvah, it's a commandment between me and him. When it comes to sins between man and his fellow man, God has no ability to forgive you. So if you're hurting your ex-spouse or your children, and you think that God is going to forgive you later on when you do some of this and you feel bad about it, it's not gonna happen. He can't. The only one who can give you atonement, who can forgive you for hurting them, if it's between you and your fellow man, is that individual. So if there is that hatred that you're harboring, that you're keeping in your pocket, that it's a constant battle and your children are hurting as a result of this, then you, my friend, have a problem not just with your ex, but also your kids. And you have to beg forgiveness from them. If they're not willing to forgive you for the things that you've done, you will carry those sins with you until the end of your life. They will come with you into your next world, my friend. That is one of the problems, not just the day-to-day, but the spiritual challenge of having that negative relationship with your ex-partner. So, what good has a divorce done? Just listen to all of this negativity. That which they should have done while married, namely to make peace and to forgive each other, they'll still have to do after the divorce. It takes work. You've made the commitment. You've given 100% to be able to get married and to have those children. You need to continue to give 100% to make sure that the marriage is solid and that the children are happy. That's your responsibility. That's the commitment that comes when you put the ring on the finger, when you sign the ketuba. It is a lifetime commitment. It's not something that happens just for the wedding or just for the honeymoon. It continues until your dying day, my friends. It's one marriage. You're not supposed to have 12. You're supposed to have one and you're supposed to make it work. Work on yourself. Both of you, the husband and the wife, continue to work on yourself. That's the only way. If you rest, if you think that you're perfect, if you think that there's no room for you to grow, then my friend, you're gonna end up another one of these statistics. Let's hope it doesn't happen to anybody anymore. Let's hope for a culture shift that we walk away from this crazy idea of divorce and remarry, divorce and remarry, or even worse, never even getting married because they fear this idea of divorce. It doesn't make sense. It should not stop you. You should not anticipate becoming another statistic. You should anticipate being the best example for your children and your grandchildren. Have an amazing Shabbat, have an amazing rest of your weekend, and we'll chat again on Tuesday. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts, drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.