Episode 161 - Faithfulness The Foundation Of Marriage

Why do so many marriages end in heartbreak? 

"Tag someone who needs to hear this!" 

In today’s episode of the Trust Factor Podcast, we dive deep into the heavy topic of adultery and its devastating effects on families. 

Adultery isn’t just a personal failing; it reflects a societal issue where lust and power often take precedence over commitment and love. 

We explore how neglecting appreciation for one’s partner can lead to infidelity, and why loyalty is essential for building strong relationships. 

Let’s remember: every choice we make impacts those around us. How can we cultivate appreciation and gratitude in our relationships? 

👉 Full episode link in bio!  

 #marriageadvice  #infidelity  #relationshipgoals  #loyaltymatters 

Transcript

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When somebody goes against the individual who's dedicated their life to them and whose life he dedicated his to, I got married. I committed to a lifelong marriage. I brought children into this world. I committed to raising these children in a peaceful and loving and moral environment. And now I'm going against those very commitments that I make. And I see on top of that all of the things that my wife does for me. If I have eyes to see and if I care to see, I will witness all of the things and I rifled them off for you last week. All of the things that our spouses do for us. Look at all the amazing things that she takes care of for me that I don't even have to think about. One ounce of appreciation, and you wouldn't dare dream of having extramarital affairs. The trust factor is a ticket to a better life. The trust factor shows you how to get through the life. Thank you for joining us. It's another episode of the Trust Factor Podcast. We're into a heavy conversation about divorce. Nobody ever wants to get there. One of the many reasons for divorce, one that's all too common in this generation and even previous generations, it's been around since the beginning of time, is this concept of adultery, where the husband often cheats on the wife. Wouldn't be the first or the last time that a wife cheated on her husband. It happens as well, quite frequently. Oftentimes the woman's cheating is a result of the husband who neglects the wife. The husband oftentimes doesn't need a reason to cheat on his wife. Why? Because it is a huge evil inclination. We're told, and I've told you multiple times, that the top two evil inclinations for humanity are power and the lust after relations. Those two are what drive humanity. And again, you don't have to be a genius to see it. Just look around and see what guys are chasing all day long. They want to become billionaires because they think that that money will give them access to everything that they want, including and especially relations with any single individual that they desire. That is oftentimes why they chase that facade of power. And it ultimately ends up destroying their relationship. The Torah warns often about adultery. It is a very, very serious sin. It's going to get pretty heavy in terms of the language. So I'm going to read it to you verbatim so that you understand exactly how it comes across in this book. But the point that's going to come across, or that should come across, is just how serious of a sin it is. It all comes back to your creator, all comes back to this concept of appreciation, at least in my mind. We'll read a little bit, and I think you'll start to get an appreciation for that. It says what we already know, that many divorces are the result of the husband's lust. That's the evil inclination. Which it doesn't help, by the way, when society knows that and they play into that. Everybody plays into this idea of dangling carrots in front of people to be able to achieve great success because they know that that's what we're running after. And the other thing that they dangle in front of you is women walking around half naked everywhere you go. You know, it doesn't take long. I often say it, when the seasons change, when it goes from winter to spring, suddenly you see that people forget their clothes. It could be freezing cold outside because it hasn't really changed over yet. But as soon as there is sun in the sky and the temperatures are half normal when they can suffer as long as they get to show skin, the young girls are running around without their clothes on. Tank tops, short shorts, halter tops, whatever it takes, leave it at home. And it starts at young ages. On my way to work, I drive by high schools, and you see these girls, they can't wait to leave the clothes at home. It starts at a young age. And oftentimes the mothers are encouraging that because they use that as a tool to be able to get what they want. Again, this is not new. It's been around since the beginning of time. It just persists and gets worse like many other things. So, divorces, in many cases, are the result of lust. Guys see with their eyes, they want what they see, and they will do oftentimes whatever it takes to get it. This entices him to abandon his wife of his youth and the children that he has for a brand new woman. The evil inclination paints a portrait in his imagination of this beautiful, enchanting, and euphoric life that will be his when he goes off with the new love that he has found. It's gonna be like living in the Garden of Eden. Everything is gonna be perfect. This is it. This is what I've been waiting for. And that, by the way, is not just with adultery, it's with a lot of the sins that we do. We have this thing called an imagination. Without our imagination, we wouldn't sin. As wonderful as this imagination is, oftentimes it comes to our assistance. But that is also the very same thing that can sink us. Is we built this fantasy picture in our mind of what we think things will be like after the sin, and then everything unravels, falls apart. What it doesn't tell him is that once he does abandon his family and goes after his new love, the Garden of Eden that he was looking at will turn into a fiery furnace of purgatory. Here's where the language gets hard. I want you to pay attention. This is Torah wisdom, my friends. As much as you may think it might be harsh, listen closely. This is absolute truth. If he begins a relationship with this other woman while he's still married, he'll get a taste of hell, the hell that awaits him. His home will be full of tension and arguments, and his children will start to show the signs of the emotional problems that are in store. I know recently of somebody close to my kids whose family got divorced. And the husband was very, very close with his children. I mean, really close. But as soon as the kids understood that the father had a relationship with another woman, extramarital affair, and then decided to spend time with that woman instead of their mother, the kids abandoned the father. And these aren't kids, they're much older now. They chose, of their own reconnaissance, to not have a relationship with their father anymore. Why? Because they took that offense personally. You mistreated our mother. You abandoned our family. And the children took it upon themselves to completely abandon their father. The heavenly court is infuriated with such behavior. The creator, Hashem, despises immorality, which destroys the world. Immorality brings the world down to its knees. On the contrary, though, the creator loves fidelity. He loves people who are committed and loyal, which builds the world. It's that loyalty and that commitment to each other that we can stand on, that we can take to the bank. We built the world on handshakes, not contracts. Handshakes. A person's word was as solid as steel. You could take it to the bank. I have an agreement with such and such. We're going to put together a business. He's going to buy from me. I'm going to sell to him. That was it. And the guy kept his word. You delivered and he paid. That's how it worked. Only in recent times do we need contracts which don't really help us because at the end of the day, everybody's just driven by the same common denominator. I need the cheapest price. I don't care who you are. I need you to bend over backwards for me, and I'm going to hold payment on you as long as I possibly can. And then I'm going to flip from vendor to vendor to vendor. There's no loyalty anymore. But that's what built the world. He says the adulterous husband can therefore expect severe punishment on his body, on his soul, and on his possessions for the sin that he commits against the creator and against his wife and children. You think it's a coincidence that he says this, that he's committing a sin against the creator and the wife and children? It's one and the same. When somebody goes against the individual who's dedicated their life to them and whose life he dedicated his to, I got married. I committed to a lifelong marriage. I brought children into this world. I committed to raising these children in a peaceful and loving and moral environment. And now I'm going against those very commitments that I make. And I see on top of that all of the things that my wife does for me, if I have eyes to see and if I care to see, I just have to look and I will witness all of the things. And I rifled them off for you last week. I talked about all of the things that our spouses do for us. If we want to be sensitive to it, then we just have to look and acknowledge, look at all the amazing things that she takes care of for me that I don't even have to think about. One ounce of appreciation, and you wouldn't dare dream of having extramarital affairs. It's just not worth it. It doesn't make sense. Why would I give up the known for the unknown? Because it's a fantasy that I'm building in my mind. And this the reason why it's connected back to your creator is because it's that idea of loyalty. Are you going to appreciate what your creator does for you? Are you going to have the eyes to see all of the wonders, miracles that he performs for you? Just the life that he gives you, the heart that he pumps, and the lungs that he fills with oxygen and the eyes that he gives vision to, and the ears that he gives hearing to? Are you appreciative of these things? What about the job? What about the money in the bank, the cars in the driveway? What about the free country that you live in and the opportunity every time he opens your eyes in the morning? Are you appreciative of the children that he gave you, of the wife that he gave you? If you don't have that secret recipe that I told you in the early stages of season one, gratitude, appreciation, then you will not have the humility that comes with it. You will think you are the be all end all, and you will think you are entitled to that Garden of Eden, and you will go and chase whatever your eyes and your stomach lust after. That's what happens when somebody's involved in adultery. It reflects poorly not only against the wife and the children, but also in your relationship with your creator, who you also have to be so much more grateful to. If the unfaithful husband goes on to divorce his wife and marry this other woman, the image of paradise will soon crumble before his eyes. Why? It's obvious. The sweetness and understanding that she showed him will disappear and be replaced by her true character. We're talking about the woman that he cheated with his wife on. Now that she has no rival, she has no need to put on a show. I don't need to put on this presentation. I don't need to be the perfect wifey anymore. I can now have an opinion. I can now make demands, right? Why? Because he's already left his wife and his family behind. Now he's all mine. Lo and behold, she's a woman like all others. She wants respect. She wants pampering. She wants attention, love, and honor. Right? What made you think she wasn't going to make the same demands that your first wife did? When she's upset, she'll shout and insult him. The romance is gone, substituted by her constant complaining that he doesn't give her enough. If he couldn't live peacefully with his first wife, he'll do no better with his new one. Guys, there's a saying, once an adulterer, always an adulterer. Is that always true? Maybe not. Obviously, people can repent, people can feel bad, people make mistakes. We're human, we fail, we make mistakes. Okay. So people can come back from those mistakes and they can improve their lives and move forward. And if God is willing to forgive us of our many, many mistakes that we make every day, then perhaps there's room for forgiveness in adultery as well. But there is a reason that that saying exists. Because it is very difficult. Once you've proven, especially when it's happened multiple times, that you're simply not capable of controlling your lust and your other emotions or being in charge of your actions, then what chance is there for you to recover from the most severe of evil inclinations? That's why they say also, once a thief, also a thief. Why? Because those are the two most powerful inclinations, the biggest drives that pull on humanity and often win. They often win in that battle. It's a constant struggle. And that's why we find ourselves where we are today. So much wealth in the world, and everybody's dangling those carrots on social media. All the women on social media can't wait to be able to get dressed or undressed for you, to dance around and parade for you. What do you think that does to your imagination? That's what it's designed to do. It's designed to break up the wholesomeness of the family unit, and it works, my friends. You have to stay away from it. I used to wonder why it is that these religious families don't have televisions. They didn't have computers in the early days. Today so many do because it's a necessity. But televisions, no, they didn't have them. And I didn't understand. I thought it was extreme. And now you understand it. Growing up, every scene was sensationalized. Every scene was about lust and going after the things that you want. It was showing you all of the things that you shouldn't be looking at, dangling those carrots and painting that picture in your imagination. Today it makes all the sense in the world. Even more so, he says, the creator's divine assistance vanishes from the husband who so terribly caused sorrow to his first wife. Listen to this. That husband loses the protection that God gives him when he does this very deed. The pain that he caused her arouses such a severe accusation against him in heaven that he'll never again be left to enjoy a minute of peace, not in this world and not in the next. Remember at the beginning of the podcast, I told you you might think that some of this is heavy hitting, and in fact it is, but it's for very good reason. This concept of adultery, of infidelity, of not being loyal, of chasing after your emotions and your lust and not having that personal control is what brings down society. How are we supposed to have relationships with each other? How are we supposed to be able to rely on each other when things are difficult if people can't even control their lust? How? Now I get it. It's a hard test because of the things that I told you, because of the dangling, because of people putting it out there on social media, it gets harder and harder and harder. It used to be back in the day before the internet that if people wanted to sin in this department, if they even wanted to look at things that they shouldn't look at, they would have to go into the bush. They'd have to leave and go into the forest hours in order to sin, right? Number one, they were embarrassed, but number two, they couldn't find these things in their neighborhoods. So they would have to venture out into areas that were promiscuous and oftentimes it was very far away from their communities. Today, not only do you have to not go into the forest for hours, you don't have to leave the comfort of your own house. You've got it on you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, if you've got a smartphone. It's the easiest thing in the world to access. So now you understand why our lust and why society has fallen as a result exponentially since those days. It's not even a comparison because it's right there. It appeals to our lust. And I want to remind those of you who have an Apple iPhone, look on the back and you'll see that Apple with the bite taken out of it, reminding us of our desires and how we fail on a regular basis. It's in the palm of your hand. God put that apple with the bite taken out of it in your hand so that you get the message. It takes us back to the beginning of humanity, Adam and Eve. This is something we've been dealing with since day one. And it's our job to overcome. It's our job to break that vicious, vicious cycle. Marriage is founded on absolute faithfulness. Any and all friendly relationships with other women, however innocent they may seem, damages the relationship with one's wife. When faithfulness is lost, everything else collapses. Friendships. Oh, but she's just a girlfriend. She's just somebody I grew up with. Or he's just a he's just a guy I know. He's just a guy at work, a coworker, and so on and so forth. Those relationships are the beginning of what is potentially adultery. Again, you may think this is extreme, but this is how the Torah functions. There is a reason why the rabbis, in their wisdom, created fences around the sins. They realize that if you sin, the danger associated with it is so grave that it could tear apart families and infect society. And in their wisdom, they created fences. Those fences remove you further away. It's like a swimming pool. You have a pool in your backyard and you've got young kids in the home who don't know how to swim. By law, in almost every place in the world, every first world country, you need to have a fence around that pool. Why? Because if those kids end up in that fence, they're going to drown. But you say, wait a second, what do I need a fence for? Fall in the pool, I hear the splash, and I go. It's too late. Once the splash has happened, it's too late. And who says you're going to be there to respond? So they put a fence. That fence comes before the sin, before the pool, meters before, that they have to get over. They have to find a way to scale that fence intentionally and with purpose in order to get into that pool. It's the same idea. When you see an opportunity to sin, like with money or relations, the two biggest evil inclinations, or any other, you put a fence around it to make sure that you don't approach it. You stay as far away from it as possible so that you increase your odds of never having to approach that sin. That's how the Torah was structured. Does it make sense now? A lot of people have walked around for generations wondering why the rabbis came up with these ideas. That's why, because of their love for humanity, their realization that we have these evil inclinations that drive us, and we have to do everything we can to protect ourselves and to protect our family unit. Have an amazing day. We'll chat again tomorrow. Thank you for spending time with us on the Trust Factor Podcast. If you've heard something today that moved you, save this episode and share it with someone who might need to hear it. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss upcoming conversations that challenge, empower, and uplift. And if you're on social media, connect with us. Leave your thoughts, drop a quote that resonated with you. Hashtag the TrustFactor Podcast. Until next time, keep growing in your trust and keep living with purpose. I'm Jesse Revivo, and this has been the Trust Factor Podcast. Thanks for listening.