Episode 6 -- Turkey Expectations

I have a problematic relationship with Thanksgiving. I could point to several issues that influence my experience of that holiday, but whatever the reason(s), I find consolation in the fact that I'm not alone in my feelings about this particular event. And I've asked my fellow Thanksgiving hater to Fran's Table to hash it out and maybe even resolve our misgivings about Thanksgiving. Sit down, there's plenty of room -- join the conversation.

Transcript

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Welcome to Fran's Table. Let's talk. We'll chat about food, meals We've shared in the past, food we've made or eaten when we traveled. Even food. We've offered one another to nourish, ailing bodies or even hungry spirits. We'll share our stories, our recipes. We will share ourselves at the table. We'll also have some conversations about other stuff too. I mean, maybe we'll talk about events of the day, or we'll share our work triumphs or travails, or maybe we'll plan a trip or discuss adventures of long ago. I just hope that you'll join me at this table. Pull up a chair. There's plenty of room at Fran's table. I have a problematic relationship with Thanksgiving. I know those are fighting words for some folk, and I do, it should be said, come from a family that celebrated Thanksgiving and made a big deal of it. Both my parents and my little sister and her husband were married over the Thanksgiving holidays. I mean, so that's festive, but as a holiday under itself, I've got issues. Maybe it's a high expectation around the type and caliber of food. Maybe it's just the brand of chaos that comes with a big collaborative meal. Maybe it's just overstimulation. But one comfort to me is that I am not alone in my misgivings about Thanksgiving. Grab a seat. Sit down, buckle up. Join the conversation at Fran's table. We are talking about Turkey expectations. Okay, so thank you for coming today. Oh my God, I'm so happy to be here. I hear the sarcasm and I respect it because one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you again, sweet pea. Um, was because I felt, and you were welcome to correct me if this is not true, but I felt that you and I, while we have felt differently about Thanksgiving, have had our own checkered past with that, with that particular holiday. And I will start the ball rolling by saying it. So it, it, it, it, it is not lost on me that as much as I love table culture and food and cooking that I have for so many years, loathed Thanksgiving, you know, I'm a certified Thanksgiving hater. Okay. Okay, good. Like I, I will say, I'm. Slowly but surely coming around to it. Like I think that there are people that I love that love Thanksgiving, so I'm like, okay, fine, we can like it. I'll do, it's just like you, I like, I just, I don't get it. Like I'm not the target audience for Thanksgiving. I don't think I, I, you know, and I don't think I am either, and I'm not sure what's wrong with me'cause there's clearly something wrong. Some of it has to do with the fact that I don't love Turkey. Period. I mean, I understand the importance of it historically. I understand. I don't even understand the historical, I'm like, if we wanna get into the historical significance of it, oh yeah. That's then like we we're, now we see the problem. Now we're like very deeply like Thanksgiving hater, right? So I'm like, I already hate, just like the foundation of it. I don't know why we have Turkey. But I know that I'm like, maybe we could normalize having a nice chicken. I know. I, I, and, and we are, we are inches away from that. But, but I know that there are those among us. In our little tribe of five. Mm-hmm. Who do, in fact, that was a crazy word choice for this. Oh, you're right. Gosh. You know, and thank you. Thank you for calling that out.'cause you know, in our little community of five, beautiful. But, but, but it's interesting because I'm aging myself, you know, I what I meant by the use of that word, although ironically we're talking about Thanksgiving. What I meant was this, this, um, actual. Family community. Yeah. No, I knew what you meant. I just, it was right there. Let's be, let's be clear, Fran. Hold on. Franny girl. Yeah, really. So, no, that's good. So yeah, Thanksgiving is rife with all kinds of problems, but, but here we are and we, we, we are actually do Thanksgiving dinners every year. We darn it. If we don't, we do. And, um, and I will say, I'm gonna share something and then if you don't remember it the same way, please, please, please. Correct me. I can't wait. No. I remember there was one year when. And I don't remember how old you were, but you were a child. Right. And um, we were still sort of sharing Thanksgivings with, um, Nana and Baba mm-hmm. My parents and with, um, Dusty's family who, some of whom lived nearby. Um, and for some reason I just had a full on anxiety attack and I was hating the day anyway. And I think you had sort of a parallel anxiety attack and it was one of your aunties. Who kind of took you aside and sort of talked you down. And I remember thinking a, that I was so grateful that she was there for you because I was busy having my own little moment. And BI was thinking, damn, I wish I could have heard what she said. I have. Do you remember that? I have no memory of that. Of it. And, um, it was Amanda, yes. That like, took me aside and sat me on the steps. But I remember that like as I got older and continued to have like. Very anxious experiences either at Thanksgiving or just like other, like busy events and stuff. She would always remind me like, if it helps, you've always been like this. That's smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those things of like, I know that you think you're dying right now, but little did you know Diva, this was pretty consistent for you. Um, and like I remember she would always say like, and if you ever get overwhelmed, we'll just go sit on the steps. And like, that's brilliant. Yeah, no, she was, she was that girl for that. Absolutely. Well, and I think that every Thanksgiving table and like community needs an ant like figure Yes. To like to have a glass of wine or a martini and like bring you down to earth. Yes. And it's, it's funny too because one of the ways that, you know, I learned about with my therapist for grounding was to use food, which is. Sort of problematic when you're around a Thanksgiving table and that's your source of stress and that's, you know, you're not necess you, you're not friends with the, the plates on the table. But maybe if I reclaim some of the menu as we have over years, um, then I can ground myself that way. Your sister just got here. Okay, so Lilo just got here and now we have an audience member. Lilo, say hi. Hi. That was really good. We actually cut it on the mic so you think you can hide, but you can't. But what we were talking about was, um, Thanksgiving and the fact that Margie and I both have sort. Problematic relationships with, with that holiday. Yeah. Um, and anxiety is one thing. Mm-hmm. Grounding ourselves. I got that year round though. Yeah. Seriously, I find that mine is heightened, even though I'm a big old extrovert mm-hmm. At Thanksgiving, I, I still don't know why that is. It's probably, uh, grounded in all kinds of things that my therapist and I didn't get to before he retired. Dammit. But evil. I know, I know. It's not fair, but so. But since I do love food. Yeah. And since I do love table culture, I wanna both acknowledge what I hate about that holiday sleigh. Uh, but then I also wanna talk about what I like, precious. So now food wise, we've already discussed the Turkey thing. The Turkey. I will say you make a good Turkey. Well, you're very sweet. Now. Lisa's nodding, but I'm not sure really. Is that for genuinely, actually, yeah. I feel dubious about that, but, but that's okay. Well, I, I hate Turkey really, and I love yours. Okay, so yeah, my friend makes it. Confirm this Justin. Fran makes a good Turkey. Okay. Yay. Now I'm not saying I like it more than like your roast chicken, right? Roast chicken is the deal. Yeah. From now on I think we need to do roast chicken. Well, no,'cause I kind of like the Turkey. Okay. See, this is, this is the crux of it. See, that's the thing. It's like I cannot trust you enough how much of a Thanksgiving hater I am. And on I'm like. Such a traditionalist about it. I'm like, if we're doing it, we need to fucking well do it. Absolutely. Yes. Like, girl, I'm gonna be pissed off. I'm gonna have bourbon in me the whole time. Like, but if we're here, we might as well commit to the bit. Right? Yes. Okay. So Turkey is one thing necessary. Lilo and I subsist on the, um, scallop oysters. Oh, God. Which last year kicked ass, so. Oh, they were, they weren't that good. Well, you didn't eat'em. Yeah, because they look crazy. Yeah, they do look crazy. It breeds audience. Did you know that? They're but ugly. But they, it is so good and I, it makes me wanna die. I know. Okay. But you don't even have to look at'em, so that's good. I They get pride of place on the table and you know that. Well, if you're looking at a, then they're prideful. Okay. So, um, but then the other musts. One of the things you make, I, so it's actually a really hot take that I think mac and cheese belongs on the Thanksgiving table. Yes, it does. Some people are like, there are already enough carbs in the, in the equation. I'm like, and why can't we have more? So I think that my like must haves on a Thanksgiving table in terms of sides is a mac and cheese, a sweet potato. And some variety of green bean. Yeah, the green bean. The green bean is a deal. Now, green bean casserole can stress me the fuck out. Like sometimes where it's like all this cream of mushroom. I'm like, what are we doing? I feel immediately frightened. Whatever it is you make. I made, it was like a, an elevated green being casserole. It was like deconstructed. I don't know what you did. And, and I, and I made, made a separate little casserole with no mushrooms for you. Yeah. And it was so good. And so what I did is I, and I looked it up. Because I keep a food journal, thank God, instead of like a recipe thing who writes down recipes. But in the journal I saw that it was, uh, instead of like a ru, a classic ru, I did a cream reduction. Ooh. Uh, cream. Hello? Wow. Hello, my name is Fran. Do we? Thank you. And um, with it in, it was, um, some Dijon mustard. Mm-hmm. And then all the herbage, I remember you made it. And I was kind of like, girl, why are you trying to gimme green bean casserole? And then I ate it and I was like, that's clinically insane of you. That's did have some, um, fried, uh. Shallots. The shallots on top. Yes. The shallots. The shallots. Those were good. Insane for an audience member. You're being awfully chatty. I'm digging it. I'm digging it. But you know that, sorry, that I believe in showbiz fried shallots. Actually, I'm gonna give a shout out to, um, Sewanee. My, my friend from my queen. I know Queen from, um, great American recipe because. She and also waal put fried. Oh, actually Anika did too. So fried shallots are a thing. I am late to the party, but now I am. I am confirmed. Welcome to the party. I'm digging it. That's awesome. Um, okay, so green bean casserole. Oh, can I say like, one thing that I am devastated about? Audience pick, pick out, grab your tissues. Okay. So I. Um, had a partner for many years. Hooray. I'm no longer with that person. RIP. It's fine. What isn't fine is that his uncle made stuffing. Oh. That I. Cherish. Oh, like, damn. I would sit down at that table and they'd be like, Ooh, make sure Marge gets the stuffing. Like I was all over that. Jason, if you can hear me, I miss you and I miss your stuffing. Like I, it came to me in a dream the other day that I was like, not going to have Thanksgiving with them. And I wasn't gonna have access to his stuffing and like I'm being really brave about it. Yeah. But I'm like, is there any way we could hopefully get No, that's the thing. I get the recipe, I'm like, I'm like, I think I need it. I've been deciding if I need it bad enough to text him and like I might, it was one of those things of like, Hey King, I know we haven't spoken in months. Hope you're well. By the way, you know what's really cool? You know what also happens every few months? I don't, I'm I'm really trying to figure out my You're in, you should. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, but that's, that's a good stuffing. Something we have forever. Yeah. And share it with us. Yeah. Yes. So I didn't know you were a stuffing person. Oh, I love a big stuffing. Ooh, okay. Like maybe I'll text things in it. Do you like things in it? Uh, um, if the things are oysters, but, oh, well, other than that, I'm fine with thing. Less stuffing. Yeah. Period. My stuffing is thing less maybe like a, a mere po if we're feeling crazy. Okay. I mean, I don't know what I mean. Maybe Jason put oysters in it. I like really can't be sure, but like it. And like, I'm gonna, he, I'm gonna text him and be like, what is your stuffing? And he is gonna be like, I don't know, from the box. And I'll just be like, oh, perfect. Thank you so much. Which box? Which box? No, that part. That's legitimate. So in conclusion, that is one thing that in years past was very important to my table. And this year, and like we're grieving, I'm in mourning. I, I believe that that's the real reason. I'm a Thanksgiving hater. Yeah. That's it. That's it. All the loss, all the loss. Genocide and I don't get stuffing. Yeah. Well, the other thing too is that there are a couple things that I should like that I don't and like really, like beyond the Turkey, like I, I can eat. Sweet potatoes and Margaret, our sister's sweet potatoes are magical. They're, she puts crack a cane in them, I'm sure of it because there's just something that just makes you want to come back, but, and like, I'm gonna be so honest your aren't as good as hers. No, they're not. And I had, I call her every fucking year and Margaret is gonna get so tired of me going, oh my God, how many times do I need to say like, I don't know what she does. To them, but she does something. I think she spits in'em. Oh, she spit and it's just her that just is yummy or something. It's just like, it's so good.'cause yeah, I like, she's made it and I'm like, this is incredible. And then you've made it and like it's good, it's whatever. But I'm like, but I think it's because I don't have it in my heart. Like those, those I know sweet, sweet potatoes are not. Marshmallows on it. That part. That's really, yeah. Okay. That's the best part. Yeah, dude, really? Seriously, it's like a little pre dessert. Dessert. Okay. All righty. So, and not just brown, they have to be like deeply brown. Oh, no, not, I wouldn't necessarily argue they need to be deeply brown, but they need to be like puffed up if I have a crispy marshmallow, but not like a melty marshmallow. I'm going to cops. So do we need to use, okay, so what we're talking about is the, um, sweet potato puree. Yeah. And do we need to use the big marshmallows? Yes. No, what? Lisa? Lisa's shaking her head. Well, you're the audience, so you actually don't get a sag. Okay. Well again, okay, so you're maybe respond to the text if you want a decision on marshmallow size. I'm the guest and you know who uses big marshmallow? Margaret, I think well, okay, now Margaret, if you can hear me please that home, you're gonna reach out to Jason about the stuff keep perfect and I once again am gonna reach out to Margaret. I'm gonna brave her, understandable derision and say in addition to whether or not you add anything other than butter. Brown sugar and cinnamon. Honestly, I will also help make it this year because I think you just don't like respect it in the way that I do respect the potato man. I'm like it. Come on. Yeah. Like, okay. I'm just saying when people that respect the potato make it, it's like magical and precious when someone that makes it out of spite makes it, oh, it's not. Well, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so you're in charge of mac and cheese. Mac and cheese, and sweet potatoes. Sweet potatoes, and then dessert. And then does, okay, so happened. Do the stuffing. I we're getting, there'll make the stuffing. I'll make the stuffing once we get it from Jason. I, I haven't even texted Jason yet. There's, there's so many moving pieces. I have. I definitely have a heart for stuffing. Okay, perfect. That's one of my favorites. Thank God. And um, you know what else I love about stuffing? So we're just gonna like dive right into the whole food con conversation is you can use the stuffing and then some ground up Turkey to make the best crew cats. After Thanksgiving period. So good. Oh, what kind of, um, sauce would you put on them? Do you like a cranberry gravy? Oh, oh, well, you or gravy? Both. You have cranberry by the side of the croquettes and then gravy over it. Sleigh, oh my god. I make, I do make. Fabulous croquettes, period Queen. But I use leftover stuffing slide, so it'll be even better if Jason shares his magical recipe or box name, whatever. I don't care. Okay, so, okay, so we're getting, we're getting warmer. We're getting a little bit more into it. Yeah. Um, but now, dessert. Dessert. Now here's the thing. Dusty God. Bless a man who doesn't like food. Yes, really much too much. He loves a pecan pie. I did not know that. He does. You used to make a really good pecan pie. I did Way back when. I can't find that right. Yeah, I can really, would you be willing to make it? No. No, but I haven't, I support you. Lisa's like, I'm not holding the recipe out of just, you know, prideful, spite. I just don't wanna cook anymore. So, um. Yeah, so pecan pie. But there again, that falls into the sweet potato category because I should, first of all, I should love pecan pie. It's a very important sort of regional offering, and a good pecan pie is supposedly magical and not too sweet, though. That's the one I remember for my recipe was, um, what I remember is bourbon pecan pie with a lack of too much sugar. God. That sounds good, doesn't it? Well, if you made pie, then maybe I'd eat it, but no, my sister doesn't love me and she won't make bourbon pecan pie ice cream. Fuck you. It'd be great if Lisa made it, but. Okay, so I might actually, course you know what I might do, I might make you come over and keep me company while I make the pie under your tutelage. Yes. Okay. Now we have a plan. God damnit, slay, slay. Um, but uh, yeah, other than that, I don't, now Charlie's really getting into pumpkin stuff and I made fresh pumpkin puree over, um, Halloween thing. I feel like we're not, I, I'm missing, thank you. But I needed applause on that. It's like, no, that was good, Fran. No, I'm like impressed. I just also feel like my story is being erased because what dessert have we had for the last, like, five years? Oh, the, um, the Oreo? Um, no pumpkin. There's something pumpkin that I've missed. No, it's the truth. No. No. Oh, I'm leaving. I had a storm out. I thought it was a peanut butter pie. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You guys are saying pumpkin Oreo pecan. Well, I'm saying, oh, our dessert spread is so devastating because all we have is more, no, I hadn't gotten to. Butter park? No, because thank god Charlie is getting into pumpkins now.'cause we had nothing before. No, I'm saying that I loved the peanut butter chocolate pie. I'm crazy that you're using past tense love. I love it still. But the thing is, it's like we usually, you know, it's not what people generally get to have on Thanksgiving. They like do all the like. Pumpkin and nut thing that I don't like. So almost like peanut butter is a nut, but fine. Okay. This is true. Excuse me for, excuse me. You'll do the peanut butter because Dusty won't come. Well, now I might not. No, because now you're punishing your dad because. I can't make the beautiful pecan bourbon thing that, and besides Dusty didn't like bourbon, so there's that. But anyway, you have to make, or else your dad will sort of send us a nice little card saying that he misses us. But he has to go. But I'll be on the front door. Exactly. No, I have to wash the driveway. So, um, so please make that, but what, what else would we, I mean. Is there, do you have any curiosity about others? I mean, I did make truffles or trifles for a few years. Yes. And those were really fun in the little jars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those, just the little jars. Yeah. And I would claim one for my own. Oh, destroy it. Late at night. I remember one time I made MOUs and dad was too full to eat it, so he carved his name into it. That's like, or like he carved a D into it and I was like, all right. Hell yeah, buddy. Um, yeah, it's nice too, because you can put the little lid on the jar. Yeah. And um, you don't have to like, come up with a big storage container. Yeah. I feel like when. We did big Thanksgivings with like a lot of us, it was just easy to do jarred desserts because then it was like, okay, everyone has one. And also too, it's like dad and Nana especially had like such rules on like the amount of serving they got. So it was easy to make a dad jar and then Nana jar and then everyone else just got like as many you get the jar they wanted. I don't care. Um, but I feel like now in my old age. A pie is just like so much easier. Yeah, it's, oh definitely. Like here's your pie. Yeah. Last year I did make a pumpkin pie. That was good. You did. And I don't have any of those recipes and I'm way more interested in pumpkin than I am pecan. But that's, I can, a pumpkin pie if you want, can pie that you won't make for me. You can do a dual pie moment. Okay. If you're inspired. But if you're not a fluffy pump, if you will. Well, I have the puree for it. Slay. So I, you know, I'm trying to think, so what do, what does one do to preserve one's good humor. Then when, like now that we're you and like we are all adults. And we're all sort of in charge of our own Thanksgiving experience. I mean, it definitely helps that I can drink at Thanksgiving now. Like, I mean, I hate to say it, but like the, I mean, it's a little treat and Yeah. Yeah. Like, and I'm not getting belligerent, but I am saying like, you know. A bourbon today keeps the punches away. Like, like, I don't, you know, like,'cause also everyone at this table knows that, um, I used to get a little bit contentious at Thanksgiving. I, I don't recall, I don't think, I don't think of it that way, but that you, we were all challenged by both sides of the family on various days for various reasons. Right. And like I, I stand by my actions. Yes. And. I, when I have wine in my hand, I'm less likely to fight people and like, don't worry audience, I don't mean actually throwing hands. I would never, I'm a woman of peace, however, right? I'm like a wise woman named Marie. From the Aristo Cats. One sad. A lady doesn't start fights, but she finishes them. Is that from Aristo Cats? Yeah. Diva, of course it is. Oh my God, I love that. And like that was very much my brand Thanksgiving for a few years there. And also too, it's like there were some Thanksgivings where some people, um, that we don't really see anymore had. A lot to say about what I was eating and how much I was eating and like, you know, famously saying that like, there were too many carbs on my plate and I definitely didn't need anymore. And like, things like that. Um, and this, I'm so glad you brought that up because this is you. We are not, you are not alone. Yeah. In that experience, especially at Thanksgiving, you know, as someone, thank you for bringing that up. As someone with a. Like history of disordered eating Thanksgiving for a really long time was just like horrible and bad because it was literally all of my worst fears on a table with like an audience of people that just like, oh yeah, yeah, like absolutely crazy and horrible and frightening. Um, but I'm happy to announce that one of the, the heaviest hitters for, uh, commentary on my plate is no longer at the table. So, so there we go. And then anyone else that I like, ever felt contentious with, like, I feel like, you know, time has passed and like, I mean, okay. Audience, don't worry. The people I was fighting with the most were my cousins because they were famously 13-year-old boys. And I was also famously a 12-year-old girl. I don't know if you know this. That's like a really, that is a hot bed for controversy. Okay. So if you combine that with like some person that's also saying, and hey, I think you're fat and you also like sometimes you just don't want a green be casserole. And that is apparently deeply offensive to some people. Like there were just enough moving pieces when I was 13 to 15. Yes. That I was like, Hey, guess what? This is a stupid holiday. And then I think that. Even after like those behaviors and those relationships healed and got better and everything was great, I still was kind of like, I don't trust this situation. Like even though you are all kind and wonderful and I know we're good and everything is great, I just like, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yes. Mm-hmm. I totally get that. And now that I'm like an adult woman who can have a glass of wine and like, I'm way less concerned about what anyone has to say about the food on my plate. I can, I'm, I do better on Thanksgiving, but I think that when there is a holiday, that fucking sucks. Yes. Pretty consistently during your formative years, you're just always gonna be a little bit unsure about it. That's true. And it is, it's, it's true that there's sometimes when you just really, um, have to settle into that. Yeah. Instead of trying to change it, you just kind of settle into the reality of it and make it feel better. Yeah. Where it lands. And I appreciate that in our family, we can take time out. Yes. Like I really appreciate being able to wander and'cause the it, for me it's a sound thing. Yes. Like it gets very, very loud and I will shut down after a certain level of decibels, but being able to walk away from the table. No harm, no foul. You know, not in a bad mood, but just taking like a little quiet break and come coming back. Being able to come back and reengage is a joy. And that's, and that's one of the things that Margie's just taught me. Something QPT, right? Shout out Aaron. Shout out to Aaron. Quiet phone time. Yeah. Isn't that great? It's very precious. No, but that's exactly what I think of when, and, and I know that, you know, Charlie shared that sometimes when there are so many people that's over stem for him and, and maybe that's part of what my issue was too. I'm sort of Yeah. But in the smaller nucleus. Yeah. Um, it's easier to. To do that, to come and go. The, the membrane is more porous. I like that. I like that image. But actually it would be easy to do that in larger groups too. And I'm gonna remember that like when, when the big family Christmas comes around, you know, because you can sort of. Withdraw from a crowd. And, and it's not like you're making a, like anyone notices, like if I, if I step away from a big crowd, it's like, I don't know, is she here? Maybe, see, Christmas is when I defrost. Like, really? Oh my God. Especially at like Westgate Christmas. That's when I come alive. Oh my God. And I love, what's funny is that all of these, I really. Feel lucky that at neither Thanksgiving nor at, you know, Christmas, I'm not forced to be around people that are difficult for me in any way. But still, I think it's just, maybe it's because now that I'm. You know, working on my own as a consultant. I'm, I'm not in a traditional work environment and Dusty's retired. I've just, I literally don't get out that much and I'm, I'm not around people very much. And so maybe when I am at these big, sort of high stakes holidays, like. Fucking Thanksgiving and, and then at Christmas, maybe I'm just not used to it. So I like the whole thing about withdrawing and just sort of giving myself even like five or 10 minutes of, you know, kind of quiet time. But I am gonna, the other thing, and then this is the last thing I'll say about food though, because in some ways, you know, it's terrible, it's sort of heretical that I'm sitting here, I love food, I love the table, and I'm like trashing all of the big meals and you know, high stakes food events that are upcoming with the season. Yeah. But you, it's interesting that you say high. Stakes because that's an expectation thing, right? Yeah. Like we will be festive, god dammit, and you know, that kind of like defeats the purpose. That's true. But then the other thing is that especially with Thanksgiving, there are the expectations, high expectations of not, not that I'm pressured with the whole issue of the sweet potato, but we do have sweet potato. Expectations. Expectations. And we do have Turkey expectations. Yeah. And I theoretically am sort of at least the facilitator, if not the sole contributor to the meals. Um, it's nice the Westcot Christmas. I'm not, I'm not hosting it this year and everyone always brings stuff anyway. But there, but there are expectations and they are kind of high stakes. But you're right, it's not my job to manage other people's experience of it. But they are high stakes'cause you're hosting shit and people's people are getting together because they, they want to be festive or they want, you know, have family time. Or I will say, I feel like even then though, it's like. I've done so like obviously because I'm baby, really the only thing I contribute to like the family Thanksgiving is like, what is pre-approved? I've done, that's not true. Well, no, but it's like, but it's like I do like one or two things and then you're like doing all of these things like the week ahead, like, but that's, I'm saying like I don't do that much. What I will say is that I've done a. I've done Friendsgiving. Yes. Where everyone like brings something that is just as contentious. Oh, really? Genuine. Well, okay. Actually no what It was tea. So as we all know, dear listeners, I am the mac and cheese friend and guess what? My mac and cheese is delicious. Like best you've ever had. Dare I say? Yes, like really good. And one year in college. We were doing a Friendsgiving and I said, okay, well I'm obviously going to like bring the mac and cheese because that's what I jam. It's my jam. And someone whose identity will be protected had the audacity of deleting my mac and cheese sign up on the spreadsheet that I made. Mind you, okay, wait. Pause you made. This is my beloved sweet pea. This is my sweet pea in a nugget. You and I say this with admiration, like just deep abiding admiration made us. Bridge sheet. Yeah, for that and Secret Santa that I organized. Oh my god, I love you so much thing. Anytime you're doing a group event, find a teacher like we were built for that. We're going to be mad that we have to plan it again, and then we're gonna, like, if you try to plan it, we're gonna tell you you're doing it wrong the whole time. So just like, let us do it. Okay. So then you learned how to inhibit editing rights to Well, no, but that's a thing. It's like everyone had to be able to edit it to like say what they were bringing and I was like, I'm gonna bring mac and cheese and then this person. Was like, I'm also gonna bring it and this is my family recipe and if you say that I can't bring it, you're being like, mean to my dead grandma or like something I'm paraphrasing, I don't know. And like it could, it have actually been not that dramatic and I've just remembered it in a really violent way maybe. But what's important here is that. She brought the mac and cheese because I'm spineless and I was like, okay, I guess you can bring your mac and cheese, like it's fine. And I just made like five pies. I don't even remember what I made. Was it good by the way? They heard mac and cheese, like it was fine. Yeah, like it was like, okay. Sure. Yeah, grandma was proud. But yeah, like I'm sure that it was like, I'm sure like they love it and like everyone was like, Mrs. Suka. And I'm like, yeah, it's good. And you know what would've been better? My mac and and cheese men would've been throwing hands. No. Like mac and cheese. It was like I, and like I do remember like it was like it was good. Yeah. Thank God. Plenty of things are good. Yeah. I'm like, don't but high stakes. It's Thanksgiving. It has to be better than good. Yeah. And I'm just like, this was supposed to be Friendsgiving. Friends holding hands and being thankful. Instead, ally feels just rage and passed over. Yeah. And invisible. No, literally. Yeah. It was like really intense for me. I, I see that and I respect it, and we ran out of plates. That's, that makes my heart hurt a little bit. That's like, that's like, that's a, that's why you must always have paper for Well Diva, we didn't think far in advance. We were 21 and drunk. I don't know what you want from me. We were fighting over mac and cheese. We were hosting it in our little shotgun wood panel apartments. Too many things were happening. Oh my God. I love that little shotgun wood panel apartment. I know. I miss her. Yeah, but that's my Friendsgiving trauma. Everything else was great. We took a group nap afterwards. It was very precious. Oh, that is nice. But so, um, the trauma, the thing that softened, I think so many of the Thanksgivings that I didn't necessarily love, I was growing up was when you, Lisa, would lead the, um. Effort to decorate the middle of the table. Cute. Oh, that was, oh yeah. Y'all, y'all like Lilo can make a damn centerpiece. Oh my God. And it has, and it's, it's beautiful. My, because it has, oh my, oh, and there were different levels. Oh my God. Yeah. It was like, um, it was a, well, everything is 3D, but like, it was like. Like it, like you would like, like things would be like hanging. There would be, and then there would also, there would be pillow vet. Yeah, it's like over, over boxes. Oh. So that it would look like, you know, the, the little globe was on top? Yes. And like actual elements and like, and empty. Oh, the place cards. Ugh. Oh my god. And moss. Oh, the moss. Always. Moss. Maybe a little burlap too. If you're feeling like, you know, rustic. Little texture Burough. Oh, stunned. Yum. Burla. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Okay. See what, so this, this is what saves my Thanksgiving. So what is your table scape this year? Diva, if you aren't making a pecan pie, I just think it's really crazy that you know that we don't have the same, okay. So maybe that's how, maybe we don't have that same energy. Maybe that's how I will, um, like. Get myself inspired for Thursday's meal is come up with like a kick ass. No, I think, yeah, you'll, I, I think normalize not letting anyone in the house unless they can contribute something. So I'm like, dad, what is your, oh, your dad's gonna make deviled eggs this year. Oh, I was gonna say, we have discovered in the last three months, three or four months, that Dusty has this like. Gift for deviled eggs King. Yeah, I was gonna suggest like beer or just like vests. But I also love, but I also love the deviled eggs thing. Charlie napkins, you everything else. Me. Sweet potatoes, mac and cheese and a pie. You girl audience, I'm pointing to Lilo, you girl. If I walk in here on Thursday and there is not a blueprint for a tablescape. I'm kicking you out. I will do the, I'm fully committing now, thank God. The tables. Thank God. Yes. Do we need to go? Um, hunting for moss? I have everything I need. Oh. Normalize bullying people. It's shockingly effective. Nah, I think it's. You say Na, is it? It is convincing. No, you're right. It is. I'm like it. Do we have a decorated table or do we not? You don't have a pecan pie, but I have a decorated table. That's the difference between the two of us. Yeah. Who's learned something in the last 10 years? Yes. My 26-year-old daughter. Yeah. Okay. I'm taking, I, I am learning. I am learning from, so from, remember when I said that I used to like, get in fights about Thanksgiving and I was like, and I don't do that anymore. Me saying, yeah. So then I got in a pretty crazy fight in college over Thanksgiving and now I'm just like verbally abusing my aunt and saying, and if you don't bring something to the table, get out guys. I'm so, I'm so peaceful. I love Thanksgiving. I love giving thanks for people. Like, I'm just a, I'm just. Sweetie and a lover. You are actually, thank God. Well this is why we can, we can chuckle about it. You're, you're gonna get like a wellness check. Like they're gonna say like, Hey, so that first episode, Marge dead, like she was being pretty like cute and fun and then like something happened. Yeah, she started school. Know that part. And also let the record show audience. Um, is that one thing I've learned about myself that I'm really devastated is I now require a 2:30 PM coffee and I've started getting it. Okay, hack. I've started getting it from this place called scooters. What, where is it? Oh, it's on Martin Luther King and it's like, apparently it's a Midwestern thing. I don't know. My, um, teaching mentee got me hooked on it.'cause she's like, they have these in Nebraska. And I'm like, period Queen. Um, shout out Katie. But, um, sometimes you can either get coffee or they have these things called Red Bull infusions. Oh, nasty. Ugh. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm a hater. Okay? No,'cause you can. So, so like this is gonna make you more upset, but it's like you can get like it's Red Bull with like syrup in it. Okay. Okay. So it's like I get the aquamarine, so it's like red shut up. It's Red Bull with like coconut and like blue raspberry or something, and then you can add coconut milk into it. I'm trying so hard. They have a seasonal one called Blue and not like vomit a little in my mouth or something. I'll have, you know. People like it. Oh, I'm sure they do. Including me. Brian O'Keefe likes it'cause he's my supporter. Yeah, because he loves you. No, that's really, so are we saying then that I have to have coffee here on Thursday afternoon? Probably. Okay. At two 30. At two 30. At two 30. Can I do, um. Because I am not doing scooters. Oh, can we do, um, oh my God, like French press or something? We could do French press. What we really need is I need an espresso everywhere I go now. Okay. So I'd love if you could just go ahead and invest in one of those. Okay. An espresso, right? Yeah. Oh, I mean, I'll settle for a mocha pot. No idea. Clearly I have some education. Okay. It's like a, it's like those little Italian espresso makers Oh, that you like call the stuff. Oh, the little, the little over under thing? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Remember? They're so cute. They're so cute. They're cute. But remember we saw that cute one at Home Goods the other day. Yeah. And it was adorable, and I've still not figured out. What do you do? You put like water in the bottom. Yeah. Girl. We can figure it out. It's like a percolator, right? Yeah. Then it, you have one, um, I gave you. My China one. Oh, precious. Do I really? Mm-hmm. I bought a stainless steel one at one point because I needed espresso or I was gonna die. I don't remember where it is. Okay. We gotta figure this out. Or we could just get espresso and I don't wanna use the China one.'cause that might break. That's the other thing about Thanksgiving. That's high stakes. It's like everyone pulls out the good China. It's like, but don't break it. Yeah. Yeah. And we can change that. We can break it. No, no. Oh. Just not use precious China. Well, you're saying you're all in for paper plates? No. Free any girl because you know what she's gonna do. She's gonna pull out those courier and i's plates or, here's what I was thinking. Oh, new plate just dropped. New plate just dropped. Well, you know, the new plate reveal. Okay, so, um, we had some friends over for dinner and it occurred to me when they came over,'cause there were seven of us that, um, I have lots of plates for my sets and bowls and things, but I don't have matching glasses. So my plates were handmade by Neola Cole. Um, and it's like, it's a butter, it's like a brown pattern with a speckled yellow in it slide. And, um. And they're very home spun looking. And then I use two different size of ball jars, the little ones. For wine and then the bigger ones for water. And with the home spun plates, it looked really, it really is really beautiful. No, Margie's not convinced. So courier and I, it is no Margie's, just like no Margie's just traumatized about how much she had to use, uh, Mason jars for in her. Last house. So Margie's like, get those away from me. I, there are some things, dear listener, that I just like can't tolerate for the next one to two years, and Mason jars are one of those things. Okay. What I've started doing, this is my life hack, is because I am so adamant on refusing to interact with a mason jar right now. Anytime I get one of those like mount olive containers of like pepper andis or like. Um, Uhhuh, like a roasted bell pepper. I just dishwash the jar. That's smart. And that'ss what I use as a jar. Oh, that's smart. Okay. Isn't that the same thing as that? Yeah, but I don't have to buy it. I, like, I, when I tell you my whole life revolved around Mason jars for like two years. Okay. And now I'm free. Uh, but I have. Uh, also our neighbor uses Bon Maal, you know, the, um, ju those jars. Oh, that's stunning. Those is so cute. Those are cute. Cute. Those are cute for loop around pulling espresso shots. Oh, really? Yeah. Diva. I got a really good margarita. And that's also so important. I know I might have to Some of you're, um, non-alcoholic. Cocktails. I want to try some of those, those, Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yes, we will. And you know what, um, I have a new recipe coming from JJ Porter Sled. He is an amazing mixologist and food thinker. So yeah, we've got, we've got some good things coming then. Okay. I would be bringing bourbon that is in my freezer and apple cider. Oh, yeah. Because it was like, what, how would you describe what we made when we went to that FCR camping trip? Like my body was there with you, but I was, I was feeling it was, I was feeling hopped off on whatever I made. It was, I made, it was bourbon, apple cider. I added a little bit of your cherry juice to it. And then Ginger beer. Yeah. From the, um, luxar. But I famously am a horrible mixologist, so I don't know what the proportions were, and I'm pretty sure the proportions were wrong. So if you, dear listener, make it like maybe me normalize measuring well, I will come up with something really good, both with alcohol and without, because now we have lots and lots and lot options. And also I do just love a good glass of soft blanc. Oh my God. I like done. I, yeah. We, we'll, we'll make an event of it. Maybe that's it. That's the whole point is that we'll just make an event of it with, without as few expectations as possible. Yeah, David, we will, we will, we'll make wide open the expectations about, you know, dishes that must be there and I just, we'll all be fine. I just appreciate that the other day. When we were out and about, I was like, okay, so like what's the outfit vibe? Because I was hoping that you would be like, oh my God, there is none. Like let's get comfy. But you thought that, I was like trying to figure out like how cute I needed to be. And you were just like. Oh, well I guess I'll wear a blouse. And I'm just thinking like, and I thought, but you were like playing it off in such a supportive way that I was like, fuck a blouse. Like, what do you mean? And so we were both kind of like going back and forth like, yeah, I guess I'll wear this. Yeah. And then you went, but like, you know, it really depends on how you know, cute. You wanna be,'cause we can go cuter. And I was like. I, I, I actually prefer to wear yoga pants probably because I'm like, yes, no, literally. And it was immediately like, oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. We were both like, yeah, that was, that was a near miss because like I do, I remember like when I was 13, especially, like I. Like, I would have my little outfits ready for Thanksgiving. Like I remember my favorite one. Oh, yeah. Well it was sort of like too, when you, when you have this beautiful tablescape Yeah. And, and a big elaborate meal. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And beautiful silk China and silver. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna show out. Yeah. But like, and also it's like, and I, I don't mean this in any kind of evil way, but it's like when there was like. When we went to the beach for Thanksgiving and it was like the whole family, and it was like this thing, it was like, yeah, I'm gonna get cute, but like now it's just the, the five of us, of us. Y'all don't need to see me looking cute. Yeah, you, I mean, it's fine. Yeah. Like yeah. We should be impressed if I should Is the lounge? No, that's what I was saying. I'm, I'm, I'm wearing, I'm wearing my pajamas. I do have a two piece sweater set. Remember when I made us all wear oos for my birthday? Yes. That's the energy I'm trying to make us do. Wear the, oo Oh, but I have, I have like stretchy pants and it, it does have like a matching, like, like oo, kind of top with it. I think that we should make this year's Thanksgiving dress code wear a comfy matching set. Oh my God, yes. Pajamas for me. Oh, LL yes. Does dad have a matching set? No. Dad won't be wearing jeans and a t-shirt and a flannel and a vest and, and guess what? He will wear the day before. And guess what he will wear the day after. That's a real. Ooh. Okay. I'm gonna wear my sweater set. That's so cute. Oh. Oh, that is cute. Okay. Good news, everyone. I'm still gonna be cute. Get news. Everyone. Everyone else. I'm gonna be in my pajamas. No, literally. Also, I want, I wanna also don't mind if I spill anything or get shit on it when I'm cooking. And also, I'm such a messy cook. I want you all to know that I'm actively looking at the scooter's website right now and just like dreaming. Okay. This is good. It's a, it's a Red Bull infusion. With the Red Bull? Nope. Guys, it's the Red Bull Yellow Edition with blue raspberry and vanilla. And then no, you can make it dirty with half and half, but I prefer coconut milk. Oh my God. You're harshing the food vibe, which makes it kind of gray, right? No, it makes it a beautiful blue color. Oh, don't worry. Look, it's gorgeous audience. She's looking at the most beautiful shade of blue, which means that there's nothing organic in that. God forbid a young woman wants blue raspberry look magnesia. Oh my God, it's, if it was lime green, ugh. I'm like, I'm sorry that I want caffeine. I'm sorry. I have, sorry. I'm sorry. I have to stake my claim there. I love, I'm sorry. The children exhaust me. Love of my being. I love you in a way that is physical and immutable and psychological and you are, you are the center of my heart and that is disgusting scooters. I'm sorry for what this woman just said, please give me a brand deal. I have very little say in the world, but I do rely on you to teach my fourth period to the point where like literally at one point a student that I don't even have O'Keefe was looking for me and went, I wonder where Ms. Kin is, and this child went probably at scooters. Like that's, you may or may not have an issue. I'm sorry that I need caffeine. No, I, I, I totally respect that with what you do. Heck, yeah. Civics and AP psych in this day. Woo. Wow. High school students. I need, I need caffeine, just. To contemplate it. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Civics and AP psych alone, just like, but in this climate and era anyway. Okay. I love it. We digress. I love being free. Okay, so it was Thanksgiving and we're gonna get through it, and I'm gonna bring scooters to get through it. God bless you. Yeah, I will not drink wine if I can have scooters the whole time. I, well, and I Well, what do you do? You my beloved sweet pea. I have wine. Okay. But we can't finish up real quick. Oh my God. One, one minute. Oh my God. Okay. What do I want for dinner? Oh, um, I don't know. Um, dammit. Hold on. Hold on. No, for day, it's her thing. Ett. What? Oh, okay. Spaghetti. Spaghetti. It is that, that is very, that is very Tuesday co. Oh, it's Monday, Monday. Just practice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For practicing. I'm trying to think of what I'm gonna make. I made, um, vodka sauce last night. Ooh, that was very del Oh my God. What do I want for dinner? See, it's a good question. Pancakes. No, sorry. That was so mean. Oh my God. What do I want? Omelet. No, she doesn't do eggs that much. I can do an egg before, like I can do an egg situationally. You can do and you can do eggs like in things like cas breakfast casserole and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh my god. Little frittatas. Oh yeah. You're fine with that. What do I want? Oh my God. Maybe I kind of want common market. Oh, that's a good idea. I know that's a takeout place that has sandwiches and Yeah, they have it pretty crazy, but hot and cold sandwiches. But their Alabama grinder does go pretty crazy. Yeah. And their fries are spectacular. I know. What do I want? Alabama. It has Alabama white sauce on it and she gets chicken. Well, it is chicken. Is it Al? Is Alabama always chicken? Yes, I did know that. Well, yeah.'cause you aren't as loyal to the, to the craft as I am. Man. I remember when I was like, I'm so sweet and pacifist now, and I'm just like verbally harassing both of you. I, that's okay. Oh my God. What do I want for dinner? Oh, what I'm definitely doing. You're doing spaghetti, so I don't care what What you want. Okay. Well thanks, queen. What do I want? Oh, no. What about some kind of protein chicken? Oh, chickpeas. Oh, I could make pasta chacha go. That's really yummy. Ooh. Like brothy chickpea pasta. You're welcome. Ooh, with like a little fried rosemary in there. Yes. Yeah. Okay, sir. Per that. Okay, great. Thank you. Okay. Oh, and I have shell. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I know what I'm making. Yeah. Okay. Yay. Yay. Okay. Alright. Thank you listeners. Uh, however many of you have stayed with us this long, scoot Long scooters. If you can hear me, I'm like so serious. I, I have not. No, because like scooters I've gotten, like, I've got, me and Katie Kins have gotten Jordan High School hooked on, on the Scoot. Okay. Sponsor me please. Thank you. Okay. Don't sponsor Fran. Just sponsor me. Bye. Okay. I love you guys. Margie Wester, thanks for coming to my podcast and everyone stay. Ew, have a stay. Cool, thanks. Thank you sweet pea. You're so welcome. My thanks to both Lilo and Sweet Pea for joining me for this conversation. Lilo, the sometimes audience, the sometimes contributor at Sweet Pea, the ever patient daughter who joins me at the table with a fair amount of regularity, and I'm really glad you joined us too. I know everyone holds Thanksgiving in. Different contexts. And so I hope that whatever this season means to you and however difficult or joyful that you find comfort in the people we care about, around a table, any table, any circumstance, just I hope you get to connect. That's really what any holiday is about, right? So thanks. I hope you'll join me next time on Fran's table. I think I'm gonna talk about. Parties. Stay tuned. Bye.