Episode 7 -- In Defense of a Party

I love a good party. Even in the darkest times -- and maybe even especially during the darkest times -- gathering together with people we care about is a beautiful thing. Whether it's a dinner party, a cocktail (mocktail) party, a last-minute, thrown together casual party, or a get-the-crystal-out party -- they are the stuff of life. (Good, bad, or indifferent). In this episode of Fran's Table, we're talking to a gifted,  veteran party host. Amanda makes a great argument for parties -- join the conversation! 

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Welcome to Fran's Table. Let's talk. We'll chat about food, meals we've shared in the past, food we've made or eaten. When we traveled. We might even talk about food offered one another to nourish, ailing bodies or hungry spirits. We are gonna share our stories, our recipes. We'll share ourselves at the table and we'll have conversations about other stuff too. But whatever it is we discuss, I hope you'll join me at this table. Pull up a chair. There's plenty of room at Fran's table. My parents didn't entertain a whole lot. They invited people over. They played bridge with friends. They had dinner parties, but they didn't do parties. And my grandparents in their youth did a lot of parties, partly because they lived in a very, very, very small community and there wasn't anything else going on. Anyway, so parties weren't much of a thing until I was in my twenties. And then of course it was fun because you were getting together at people's houses. And whenever I gave a party it was about food. I had some really good food at the parties I gave in my twenties. And then there was a break after I, after I started having babies.'cause that puts a damper on your energy for a while. And then I put a break on parties because it was like, gosh, they're kind of expensive. You know? It's such a frivolous thing to do. And one of my mom friends said, Fran, haven't you ever heard of potluck? I mean, there are all different kinds of parties and people can contribute, and it doesn't have, there doesn't have to be a theme, although I do love a theme and, uh, the food can be simple. Um, but it's all about just getting lots of people around a room. Now, I will say sometimes at parties I gave and attended, we'd end up around a table generally late at night. Other people had gone home. I was the hangers on, somebody else in my party was a hanger's on, which, you know, I'm not averse to. And we'd sit around a table and sometimes we'd talk about the party and sometimes we'd just talk, um, finish up whatever food hadn't been eaten. Those actually were my favorite times at a party. But parties are, I think, in some ways so old fashioned, and I love that my sister-in-law. Amanda, um, comes from a long line of party givers and I want her to talk to us about parties, sort of the way we enjoyed them in yesteryear, what we think of them now, parties, the old fashioned way. So one of the things that we've been talking about is, you know, parties and parties that my fa my parents didn't give parties. Yeah. They, they had people over for dinner. Yeah. They had, I suppose you'd call'em card parties. They had people over to play Bridge Yeah. And stuff. We didn't do a lot of parties either and. And I know you, Amanda, my sister-in-law were telling me that your family didn't do a lot of parties. But boy, the stories that I've heard is that there was such a, um, a heart for parties though. Mm. Is that fair to say? Yeah, I think so. I mean, they were, you know, when I was a child, uh, there were no parties. Okay, so this is really an adult life that they had, right? Yeah. After we were born and grew up and, and left and gone into our own lives. And then there were parties, you know, they, they had a country house and there were a lot of parties at the country house, but I didn't live near the country house. So the parties were more or less just kind of epic stories, you know, um, that I. I am going to assume are all true because, you know, why would we, why wouldn't you, you know? Um, so like, you know, Truman Capote was in my father's house in the country. Oh, fun. And others like that. Yeah. You know, um, producers of musicals and famous people were there and they, the house was very small, so the parties weren't. Enormous, but they were party parties and, um, I attended a couple of them and really outstanding stories there, you know. Oh, wow. Like stories about first edition books that, uh, one, one friend of mine parents was a collector of first edition books and he got one, but he realized as he was working on it. That it couldn't possibly be one. So because of a mark that was on every so many pages, there was a corner mark. So he decided somebody had done that to this book, and in order to bring it back to its more pristine, he spent a lot of time removing that one mark with ink remover and Carol only then to take it to the book dealer and have him say, oh man. Such a shame. This would've been like, you know, a hundred thousand dollars book if it still had those marks. You know, they used to mark the folios with a tiny little tick. So it was those kinds of stories. Yeah. They were almost always self-deprecating, always just hysterically funny, you know? Yeah. Um, a lot of alcohol. Um, I will say, and you know, I know you know this, but there was. There's a cookbook that's out of print, impossible to get. Tried to get one. And I have it and I can't remember the name of it right this second, but I'll send you it later'cause I know where it is on the bookshelf. Um, but in it is the congressional punch that is the fame, or infamous, I should say, congressional Punch punch, congressional Punch, which is just alcohol mixed and more alcohol. And then another kind of alcohol mixed with the thing that makes alcohol process so well in your system, which is. Fruit juice. So it drinks like, um, every good memory you ever had of drinking fruit juice. But right behind that is the Wow, I'm having a good time. So they, they were famous for that punch and Yes, they were. Yeah, they were. And I've made it, but you have to put a cautionary note in front of it, you know, that says. Really Now go slow. You know? Did I, I think was that, that wasn't at our rehearsal. Dinner was, yes, it most certainly was. It was at your rehearsal dinner party, which is, in my mind, one of the great parties of a lifetime. You and you guys. Oh my God, I cannot thank you enough. Oh, it was way fun to do. So much fun to do. Um, but yes, it was that punch and then a, a complete bar. Two, you know, you know, so there was, there was a lot of alcohol in those days. Less now probably. I know, but you know, I do like, okay. And, and then I actually wanna get back to the, the parties of yesterday year.'cause there's, even though there was a whole lot of alcohol, at least it led to fun. Oh yeah. You know, and, and it wasn't, it wasn't, you know, spiraling into a, you know, a sort of no dark. Place it was, it was, it was fuel for fun. Now that only happens after the crazy people leave. That happens, as I was saying, in the wind down when you're sitting around the table actually, and it was funny'cause I was talking about, oh, we'd talk about the party or you know, we'd eat what was left over the food, which is also quite true. Um, but that was also where I would try to figure out what did I say now what did, did I really, did I say that? No. Yeah. Yeah. But, um. The, the Congressional punch. Amazing. Were there other, though things that really said to you party? Like are there things that you, when you give a party Yeah. More for me now, I think than then. Um, I, I think so. There's another story though about my, my dad and Pat and, you know, they had this, they had a house in Bronxville and they had this country house, right? And they went to the country house every weekend and, um, and loved it and rightly so. It was lovely tiny little barn style house that they built, which they'd never done before and never did again. So, um, and it was, it was pretty spectacular. Um. So they had these big parties there, but the house in Bronxville, they didn't do that very much. Partly'cause there was no parking. So you know, it's Bronxville, New York, so tiny little curvy streets. Nowhere for anybody to park. But I do have this one memory about being there. And this is more them than not, I would say being there and, um, having come down for a break from having three children and a life, you know, a weekend with them. And we went to this tiny little restaurant called the French Bistro in, in Bronxville, which was a dry restaurant, so you had to bring your own wine and, um, we didn't. As it happened, um, you know, drinking was reserved for parties and happy hour, but at any rate, um, so we go and we have this gorgeous dinner, lovely dinner quite early, and we get back to the house and it's seven 30 maybe, you know, and we have literally walked in the door, put down our things, and sat down. And there the doorbell rings. And my dad can't figure out what it is and goes to the door. And it's my, um, uncle Barb, uncle Dan and Aunt Barbara who have arrived for dinner. Oh my God. No. So, so there we are and there's no dinner and you're full as a tick. Full as a tick. And so, um, they, uh, so my, I just have such vivid memories of. You know, pat in her wheelchair, just scoo Putin into the kitchen and starting to do something. Who knows what, you know, because part of the French bistro was that there wasn't any food in the house. We had gone because she didn't feel like cooking and there wasn't anything so. So we go into the kitchen and, or she goes into the kitchen. My dad goes to the, you know, little makeshift bar in the dining room. He starts making martinis and then there's lots of, oh, thank Jesus polarity going on in the, and she's in there and I go back and forth. And so she ended up. Bless her heart, you know, pulling out those little pastry puff cups out of the freezer. And I think there was like a tiny bit of leftover chicken. And I actually believe that my memory tells me there were also those frozen bags of chicken. A king that you used to get. Oh, thank God. Yeah. So she boiled those. And Barbara kept calling asking if she could help, and of course the answer is no. No, because there's no, do not look behind the curtain here. And then she had some frozen peas and some, what we now call white lettuce that she cut up into a little teeny weenie salad. So we had these little things with the, a little added chicken and a frozen chicken, all a king bag and peas and salad, and had second dinner. Um, and you know, they were none the wiser. No, they never knew. All of these people are gone. So I get to tell these stories now because I was the only one who was there. Who's still alive? No, her uncle Dan and Aunt Barbara. The sort of people who'd have been amused by that era. Oh, I don't, that's a good question. I don't know. Aunt Barbara was a nutritionist in public schools. Oh my God. In New York City. So there's that. But she was also famous for trying different ways of making a Turkey. Oh Lord. So one of her ways was to put the Turkey in the oven. This is terrifying for a nutritionist. Yes. Seriously. She would put the Turkey in the oven 24 hours ahead of when she wanted to serve it, and then set the oven at the temperature. That done. Turkey is on thermometer. Oh my God. And leave it there. And she had done this several times and determined that it was literally 24 hours. That if you, oh my God. So Turkey for 24 hours, I think a done Turkey is like 165 degrees internal. Yeah. So, and she might've had it at 200 to begin with. Oh Lord. But then she would turn it down so as it got closer so that it would be Exactly, it was growing. Lots of things. Well, I think it was like a early approach, you know? Okay. Okay. Anyway, she was a terrible cook too. Um, terrible cooks run in the family. Actually. My mother believe that. Oh, no. It's true. Really? Yeah. My mom was a, a abysmal cook. I mean, did she like food though? Yeah, she liked everything I ever cooked. Well, right. Yes. You cooked. So she didn't really cook. Um, and then, uh, yeah, so it's a tiny family. There's just me and my sister and, and them, but, and then my dad, um. He could cook when he felt like it, you know? But he had a big executive life, so he didn't really cook. Pat liked to cook, but she had a, a, a, a string of astonishing failures. Yes, astonishing failures. See, I think operatic failures are integral to fun. Yeah. I mean, because if if you just make little misses here and there, then it's, there's, there's no, there's no story in that. No, no. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, among her many like remarkable failures certainly is salmon loaf. Ooh, that's a rich opportunity for failure. Yeah. I mean, so bad that it's hard to even talk about dry fishy. Oh my god. A loaf that's dry, a loaf of, of salmon. Let's, let's think about that for a minute. Yeah. And then I think that. I, I have to believe given the childhood and the realities of the world in the 1960s, that all this salmon came out of a can too, right? It's not, it's not like there were the big slabs you can get at Costco now, uh, and things. So it was truly terrible and truly terrible. And when I was a child complaining about food was just not an option. Right? We just didn't do that. We, we had that in common too. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't do that. So, uh, best little girls in the world, but, um. Is so she makes this a just terrifying thing that comes outta the oven, sort of light pink, you know? And dry, yeah. And fishy and made it. So then, you know, 30 years later, it's my birthday and I'm going to their house for dinner. And she said, I made your childhood favorite. And I'm like, I don't think I had a childhood favorite. Certainly not anything you guys made, you know? So you're quaking at this point? Yeah, I'm quaking. And then we sit down at the table and she brings out Salmon Loaf. Oh my God. And I said, did she even serve it with a sauce or anything? Oh goodness. No. I mean, there might have been a little bit of mayonnaise on the side, you know, but it was like a, you know, luxury thing with fresh herbs or anything. So I said to her, what on earth would've made you think that this was my childhood favorite recipe? And she said, well, it was, you always ate it. You are always, you know, right there, just, you know, eating it up. And I said, I said to her, this is like on my list of worst foods ever, ever. Like, why would you do this to a salmon? Why would you take anything that swims upstream against the water and put it in a box? And bake it. You know, try it out. It's terrifying. It's terrible and cruel. Yeah. And wrong. You know, we were pretty good friends by then. Yeah. So, because this is my stepmother, so, you know, it takes a long time to become friends, but, um, really? Yeah. But anyway, so I said, listen, I'm willing, you know, I'm still the little girl I was. I'm willing to try it and eat it. And she said, no. And to her credit, she said, absolutely not. It's your birthday. We're gonna take it off the table. We'll have everything else. None of which I remember. And then there's a birthday cake. And I said, no, really, we should each have a bite. And she said, no. I'm sure as you describe it, is exactly the same.'cause I used the same recipe like y'all could. Ooh. Ooh. Christ is so veted. Thank you. So that's one epic failure, but maybe my favorite. And one that I feel like, you know, in truth, to go back to parties, um, she also is the first person I ever knew to make a pavlova. Oh, oh, I'm so glad you mentioned the pavlova. Oh my God. But that was a, okay, so I'm interrupting Epic failure. Yeah. So I'd never had Pavlova and, um, she was a, she also, you. Truly introduced me to, you know, Craig Claiborne and his beautiful little book that I still have the primer and, um, other things so she could cook, you know. Um, but she had discovered pavlova, oof. She liked everything about the idea. She loved the idea of why, why it was maid, the dancer, Australia, New Zealand, wherever, and all the loveliness. Um, this predates a time in all of our lives when you could get. Um, passion fruit, you know, the, the things we take for granted now, it's kind of astonishing. It is. You know, I mean, when you meet like a 10-year-old whose favorite food is sushi, you know, and they're, yeah, they're a little kid from Detroit, you know, sushi. Wow. Anyway, so it, it was just, you know, pavlova. And so Pavlova is a gorgeous dessert, partly because of its simplicity, actually. It's a giant meringue. Right, that you have to be very patient to make, um, because you want to really, you don't wanna use, um, what's the word, the sugar that's so soft, you know, and not granulated, but, oh, the confectioners. You don't wanna use confection or sugar. You wanna use regular sugar. Um, you can grind it again in like a coffee grinder or something to get it a little finer, but you don't want it the smooth, so you have to add it and you have to wait. And you have to keep, actually, you have to keep rubbing the meringue between your thumb and your first finger until you can't feel the sugar anymore. That if there's a trick. That's the trick. Okay, so you make egg whites, make them big, bold, beautiful, adding the sugar, keeping it going, keeping'em going until it's smooth. Then you just lump it down. It's, there's nothing to this. You lump it down on a, a tray and um, you know, bake it low and slow. Um, and I'm remembering another story, but that's okay. About cooking a Turkey for 24 hours. Yes. Not that low and not quite that slow. Not that low, not that slow to try to get it to the right temperature. Anyway. You cook it, you wait, you don't take it outta the oven, you open it, you let it. Cool down in the oven, um, and you end up with this magical thing that you load whipped cream on and you load fresh fruit. Whatever your local fruit is, is really what it should be. Um, you don't even have to use fresh eggs. In fact, you should use old eggs. They make better meringues. Um, so meringue is a, uh, is something you do with leftovers, a little leftover fruit, some leftover eggs, right? Oh yeah, a tiny bit of sugar, and you can add this extraordinary elegance to a table with something that is not in fact elegant. That's what's so beautiful about it. It's not a tiny French macaroni that you struggled with almond flour. True. And it's, it's not perfectly round. It's not perfectly round. It's, you know, it's great slapdash cooking, so at any rate, but in it is, it needs to be said enormously elegant. Yeah. I mean, elegant. It is a, yeah, it is a signature move of mine. That's why I can say so much about it. Yes. Oh my God. So, but the first time I ever had it was at the same table where I had rejected the salmon loaf and, um, just claimed your childhood claimed came to, came to terms with this memory, and she brings it out and she is shockingly proud of it. Oh, and it's probably important, like Pat was in a wheelchair, so. We're talking about a thing that's at least 12 inches around and you know, several inches high and loaded up. And she's got it perfectly balanced in her lap'cause she's very proud of it. Yeah. And she's wheeling herself in,'cause she didn't have an electric wheelchair at that time and wheeling it in. And she carefully takes it from her lap and puts it and the plates are there and the extra forks and the thing. And she's got, you know, a cake cutting knife thing, nothing to it. And she goes to cut this pavlova like, um. And it just won't cut. Like No, it just really won't cut. Like really like it's made of, it is now made of brick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she's working at it and she, and, and now there's whipped cream on top too, so that cuts, you know, so the next thing I know, she's like halfway hacking it, you know, like hack, hack, hack to try to break through. And that doesn't work. So then my dad goes and gets a giant serrated knife, uh, you know, one of the big bread, old fashioned bread knives that none of us actually use really, but are always in the sets. And, um, and she starts sawing it. And it doesn't wanna do that either. No. Yeah. No, it was really, it was really, really, and honestly, I have no idea how that's possible. Like I've never done the counter experiment, you know, to see Yeah. So sort of reverse engineer it. Yeah. Did I did. I don't know what she did, but it was inedible. Wow. It was like rock solid. You know, rock solid. So we ate the whipped cream and the fruit and all laughed hysterically about this. But I love an epic failure, you know? Oh my God, there, it's like if it's like my worst case scenario stuff, you know, if it goes really badly and I'm still alive, I want to try it again. Exactly. And just to see, and I actually want people. Fun and food is of the cooking of it is, uh, you know, an adventure of sorts sometimes. But also I want people to reflect honestly on it. Yeah. I mean, which is not to say that I don't respect people who don't wanna reflect at all on food, but I will say that I, I think there's, that's where the fun begins because if you can sort of dissect it and if you can kinda laugh about it. Ideal. Yeah. In fact, you're braver about that. I don't want that much feedback. No, I really, the gift of feedback, I really, I really don't. No. But because this was an epic failure, right? I, and like the salmon loaf, I have a shocking um, love. For salmon. Mm-hmm. Because you can make it and it be delicious. Although I have made it really badly. And that's another story and, and a shocking love for Pavlova. So this annual party that we have on New Year's Eve, um, I always make pavlova and because it's easy and it's done ahead of time and everybody, oos and s when you bring it in and the comical part is. Our, a mutual friend of ours, Thomas, um, always says every year and has said it every year for more than 25 years that we've had this dinner. Uh, he always says the same thing and it's, this is better than last year. Oh, I love that so much. That's, that's the magic of things that you repeat. Yep. In my mind. Yep. And so for. My, my parents, when they were doing parties, I think doing something new was very important to them and that opened up the door for epic failures. Right. You know, a fair amount of the time. Although they did throw some good parties. But for me, what is interesting is the repetition of the, they experience so that they, everything starts to layer up. Yep. Right. It's not really about this. Christmas, it's about all the Christmases. It's not really about this Turkey, which also, by the way, people say it's better every year. I'm like, it can't possibly be any better. Yes, it can. No, it really, but, but the, but here's the thing. Okay. We'll talk about that another time. Okay. Okay. But it is, it's about, it is about the repetition. Mm. Uh, but it's, it's layers, isn't it? Yeah. It's sort of like there's a layer of repetition. It's, it's like music, isn't it? Mm-hmm. It's like there's a baseline that is dependable and that sort of lends rhythm and tone. Mm-hmm. To a piece which would be the meal, and then you add a few experimental layers on top, which make it fun. Yeah, I love that. I think that's a really, really good metaphor for what happens at a party. You, you're bringing together an orchestra of people. Yes. Yes. And if you have too many soloists, you're gonna have a problem. Yeah. And if you don't have somebody who can hold the baseline, just keep things moving and the rhythm, you're gonna have a problem. Um. And if you overcrowd the stage, you're gonna have a problem too. Right. It can't be too many people. That's true, that's true. Although I do love Morris Moore. I know you do. That's true. You do Well. Yeah. But you do crazy things that I won't do. I I don't. Well, I'm, yes you do. You really do. Really, let me tell you one. Okay. Tell me one. So when you have a dinner party or a party party, you know, I have noticed, um, you tend to entertain multiple nights in a row. Like if you, you do one. I do. And then you'll have another one, and then you'll have another one. And I'll be over in my house right across the driveway thinking she's crazy. What the hell, what is she doing? Why is she doing this? Now I also know, like for me personally, and I think we've talked about this, um, we were just laughing yesterday about this at our house, that it might be time for a party and. What that means to us is that it's really time to clean the house. Yes, yes. Now this, you're exactly right. I even mentioned this like early on, dinner parties. Parties. I have to, at least quarterly somebody has to, other than me walk into the house or else I will see, oh my God, what have I let accumulate, like right now, Amanda? Yeah. I'm looking in the corner and I have two bags of plastic bags that need to go to recycling. Yep. And then a giant tote full of shopping bags. Yep. That I must have forgotten in order to have required all of those plastic bags. Yep. And then in another corner, I have a stack of books, and then we have Charlie's snowboarding gear, Uhhuh, I gotta clean this shit up, which means then I've got a party on Saturday that's, there you go. See? That's the magic. That's the magic I've gotta, you know, because. We don't actually live like this. We live like we live in parties. Yes, yes. At least that's what we, you know, and honestly, I have no interest in living in a magazine photograph. No, no, no. I really don't. No, I I love to look at them. I think that it's fascinating, but that's not what I want. Right, right. I really want to live in a house that looks lived in, but when you have it lived in, in ways. That are really uncomfortable, it's time to have a party. Right. Exactly. That's, I thank God Christmas rolls around every year. Yeah. You know, that's what I, or some sort of, some sort of something end of the year. Yeah. Holiday. No, I totally agree. And, and I think that that's what's fun about the different kinds of parties one can give and, you know, in the, in these really. Crazy terrifying times. Yeah. It might seem on the face of it, obscene to celebrate. Yeah. But it's, it's, think of all the ways in which it's not. Yeah. You know? It gets me misty. Yeah. Thinking about it because we, we need to like sit around a table Yeah. And not think about the crazy sometimes. Well, and joy is resistance, right? Yep. In an absolute way. Yep. So I certainly. My growing up, we would hear the stories about, um, well, the stories about music concerts happening in London during the blitz and things. Oh, wow. Meantime, they would have concerts and or, you know, you'll watch these war movies and in the midst of a, you know. Bombing people are still having sex and still, um, carrying on, you know? Yeah. Because life is resistance. Yes. And so I do think there's something to that, that even in this difficult time, it's probably pretty important to get together with your people and realize suddenly that you're just laughing till you're crying. Exactly. And that's what it means to actually be alive. That's right. That's right. To live to the point of tears. They say, oh, I love that expression. Yeah, that's beautiful. Okay, well the day is complete. I've cried. That's, that's not unusual. The only other thing I would, I think when I think about parties broadly, and um, I, I will say that I love a standup party. I mean, that is a, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Nobody really sits down and everybody's standing up for the whole time, but not nearly as much as I love a dinner party. I agree. And there is something. Truly extraordinary about that. All of your life, all of my life memories are at the table. Yep. Right. I totally agree. So these stories of thinking about all of these different ways that you've engaged people at this table and gotten them to look at one another and talk to one another and roll their eyes and laugh and cry a little bit, you know, um, at this one location. Right. Yeah. Where it doesn't matter what table it is, right. But it is the table, the center that is, that is the, that is the thing that I'm most interested in. And I will say from the recipe point of view, um, I, I, I don't think food is one of my love languages. Mm-hmm. Particularly, uh, because what I really wanna have happen is have it disappear. Right. That's true. Right. So when, by the time that plates are cleared. It makes no, it has no impact on whether you're gonna stay at the table. Right? Exactly. You're still at the table. That's right. And that it isn't so good that people won't invite you to their house'cause you're a better cook than they are, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Right. I mean, it needs to be pretty good. Can't be terrible. Right. But it, even if it's terrible, it's okay. It's just, I don't always want it to be the star. So, interesting. Most of the recipes I make are pretty. I love cookbooks. I collect them. I love cooking. Um, but they have to be easy enough to kind of just disappear. Yeah. And that's, that's kind of what I've grown into too, because in addition to wanting to keep the focus on the people who are around the table, yeah. I wanna participate in that. There you go. You know, and that's true for standup party or a dinner party. Mm-hmm. Um, but I think one of the things that, that is fun about having food as a love language is that, um, I too want it to disappear. Yeah. Right. You know, that's, that's a, a. That's, that's cool. All the thank you I want is that if somebody just eats it. Yeah. You know, that's fine. Um, and you know, it's still fine even if they don't like it. And that's, I think one reason why I don't mind the feedback because it's a point of connection too. Absolutely. Right. So if they hate it and they're like, oh my God, that was so sweet of you to make, I hate this. That's a, that is a laugh. We will share. Um, but I do need to be careful. With standup parties and dinner parties that I'm available for that connection. Yeah, so it's really important. You're right, not to become overly um. Absorbed by the work of creating the food or setting the tone. I will say that last thing too is that, um, the multiple nights of entertainment is so much. I always, every, every time we have like a big party that come, and when I say big, I mean like important in that there are lots of moving parts or lots of people I haven't seen in a long time. It's often because someone has come in from out of town and so they're staying, excuse me, here with us. And that's an enormous amount of fun. But it's like, well, there's a party still happening. Oh, makes so, of course I'm, that makes sense. You know, we're gonna have brunch today. Yeah. Yeah. And you're more of an extrovert than I am. I a big e extrovert. You're right. Yeah. And I'm just, uh, I think a high performing introvert. Yep. So if there's a function and I need to, and I know what my role is and I'm fine, but to just. Keep that up day after day is, is a little bit taxing. Yes. As they say, a little bit taxing. I should, I should be, I should be sure to check in with Dusty more often. Yeah. Yeah. But thank you so much for reliving those memories and that's hilarious because first of all, the congressional punch. Yeah, I thought I remembered that, but second of all, had no idea about the epic. Failure of the pavlova. Yeah, because your beautiful signature, impossibly elegant dish. Yeah. It's a And it come, it comes from a very different experience. It does, it does. It does. Yeah. Oh, it's been fun. Million, thank you. Beautiful memories around people and the table and, you know, how dressy do you wanna be and how relaxed do you wanna be and living in, in that. You know, ultimately for me, um, as I've gotten so much older and have a life of my own now, um, what, I'm gonna tell one more story if that's okay. I wanna hear just one more story. So, um, for me it's pretty important to try to be the same person in every room, which doesn't mean that I don't have a private life,'cause of course I do. But it doesn't really matter when you run into me. If I'm wearing, you know, my. Kids and you know, sweatpants or if I'm dressed up for a event that I have to be at. What matters is that kind of. When you see me in ICU, I'm glad to see you, right? Always the same, trying to be the same person, not always successful. So I, years ago I did throw sort of an epic party, a really big party I'd only lived here for in North Carolina. So I'd gotten my sort of first lay of the land and I decided to invite kind of everyone I knew. To that party. And it was a lot of people, maybe 50 people that I had come to know neighbors and people from church and people from the art world that I was moving in and at that time. And so it had this big party and it was, it worked, you know, as it happened at the same time. Um, my stepmother the same pavlova stepmother. Um, had, uh, terminal cancer. So she died about six weeks later, um, uh, after that party. But, um, it was a, it was a perfect party. I don't know any other way to say it. It was perfect. At the house was perfect. It was a great house for parties at where I lived at that time. It was, um, the candles were great, the food was great, the people were great. Everything about it was perfect. Oh, perfect. And for my parents, I think for my dad and Pat, it was also perfect for them. It was their last big social event together and um, which I didn't, we didn't know the timing was what it was and all of those things. So the next day they came by and they told me a story about a perf another perfect party and that they had thrown in New York City and the. I may be mixing characters the way one does in memory, but the same. The a man that I had met and been at a party and, you know, had experiences with, who was persnickety and all of, you know, very, very careful kind of human. Um, the next day after their perfect party showed up at the house and gave to Pat who I think he was in love with.'cause otherwise who does this? He gave her one of those Cartier rings that are the three gold bands. Put together and um, and said to her, because any woman who can throw a party like that deserves a ring like this. So he gave her this ring. Now you gotta love that story just in and of itself. Yes. Right. I'm because all people are surrounded by people. This is what I like about that story. All people are surrounded by people who are in love with them and they don't know. Yeah, you don't even see it. Right? We're blind to it. We're living our lives anyway, so this ring, so the, they're telling me this story, and as they're telling me this story, pat reaches into her purse and pulls out a little ring box and my father and my stepmother gave me that. And I wear it today. I have it on, it's always on. It has never, I never knew, I have never had it off except I sort of admire it once in a blue moon. And, um, and they said to me, anyone who can throw a party like that deserves a ring like this. So, so throw a party. You just never know who's in love with you. And you might get fine jewelry out of it. And when they give you the ring, take the ring. Even if it comes from the guy who probably shouldn't have given you one. What the, Hey. Hey. Take the ring. Take the damn ring. Take the ring. There you go. Thank you. You're so welcome. Thanks for asking. Wow. Take the damn ring. Yes ma'am. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to plan. I think I'm gonna throw a dark of winter party this year, and there will be many candles. Thanks for coming to Fran's table.