You Are Enough – Part 2: From Shame to Self-Worth

Part 2 of the 3-part podcast series with Lawrence Harris – all episodes are now live.

In this deeply moving episode, Lawrence Harris opens up about the hidden impact of shame — and how it distorts the way we see ourselves. Through stories, insights, and hard-earned wisdom, he brings hope to anyone who’s ever felt like they weren’t enough.

This episode will help you:

• Recognize the roots of shame in your own life
• Understand why self-love is so difficult (and where to begin)
• Reframe your story and release false identities
• Hear how Lawrence overcame deep emotional wounds
• Feel empowered to believe in your worth and healing

Whether you’re navigating your 20s or leading others in your 30s, this conversation reminds you that your past does not define your future. Healing is possible — and it starts within.

All 3 parts are now available — listen in order or explore freely:

• Part 1 – Becoming the Author of Your Own Story
• Part 2 – You’re here
• Part 3 – Healing, Identity & Purpose in Actio

Looking for guidance in your own identity or life transition?
Explore the 3-Month Purpose Pathway Coaching Program, built for emerging leaders and purpose-driven individuals who want clarity, alignment, and real growth: https://lifeleadershipconnected.com/tjanster/

Book your free Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/daviddahlendcruz/30min

Subscribe to Life & Leadership Connected for faith-rooted, real-life conversations that help you lead from the inside out.

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Transcript

0:05

related question is this, why do believe so many young people, honestly also people in 20s and 30s, why do they struggle to believe that they not enough? What are the silent messages that shape our self worth? You spoke about it before perhaps a little bit, but can you relate to that? Well, there are a lot of reasons, but the most obvious ones, social media. Imagine being 13, 14, 15 years old, 20, 25, however old the person listening to this is, and your life is good. You make $80,000 a year, you have a wife and three kids, your house is paid off, your cars are paid off. Life is phenomenal compared to the vast majority of people. However, You go on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, television, and you see a 19 year old multi-billionaire. I'm just using a crazy example. And he's driving a Ferrari and he's on a yacht party and he's flying from Paris to Europe to Spain in the same week. You start comparing yourself to that without even knowing it. You're like, dang, how do you do that? And for women, you know, you're... 13, 14, 15 years old and you're getting shown supermodels and you're getting shown hyper edited photos and plastic surgery but you don't know that plastic surgery and you don't know that's an edited photo. You think that's just how she looks but now you start to compare this runway model with perfect lighting and makeup and surgery to yourself and you feel insecure. You're like, she looks so much better than me. People like her, but they don't like me. And you start to feel sad about how you look. And then, you you could tie that into music too. A lot of music just says, get money and then women will like you. Or look this way and men will like you. And then we're feeding this to people who are really young. You know, even though you know, okay, that's just a movie, that's just social media, if you see this every day for years, you'll, without even knowing it, start to compare what you have to that. And then another big thing is very rarely do people ever ask the question of, who do you want to be? They ask, what do you want to be?

The problem is this: 2:46

What do you want to be is what do you want to have? Do you want this degree? Do you want this car? Do you want this house? Do you want to be a multimillionaire? What physically in the tangible world do you want to be? Whereas 'who' do you want to be? No one ever really asks that. They don't ask what kind of impact do you want to leave on the world? Who do you want to be remembered as when you pass away? Because, for better or worse, it's guaranteed at some point, somehow, someway, we're all going back to the dust. So how do you want to be remembered? What impact do you want to leave on the world? What character traits do you want to have? We're not really taught to think deep into who and what we are and our values, but what we are told to do is just get the money. Get the car, get the house, get the degree. And let's say you do go down that, sorry about that, my office has automatic lights. Let's say you do go down that path of getting the money. You get $100 million and you're like, I'm doing so much better now, this is great. But you start to compare yourself to somebody ahead of you. Elon Musk, makes a hundred million a day. So you feel poor compared to him. So it's this constant cycle of comparison of what I have to what they have. And you can always find a bigger fish. So I was going to say, so to make it nice and sweet and simple, it's comparison, not being taught how to think deeply into who we are and constantly being told that our value as people is in what we have, how we look, what we can do, and what we're seen as rather than what we are. Yeah, wow, that's too good. um It's so typically that problem that we decide our worth comes from what we do, not from what we are. And that's so powerful. What would you say, Lawrence, are some signs that someone, and even high performer, that somebody may be succeeding in many things. What would you say is the sign that are secretly are crrying deep shame? or disconnection from the true How can somebody... If you want to help that person, then you need to recognize the signs. Well, that's a fantastic question. I'm going to think on that for a second. I just have to plug my laptop charger in because it's about to die. yeah. There we go, now I'm back. Now, some signs that a high performer could be struggling with that. Yeah. That's something that, that's the first time anyone's ever asked me that question specifically. But I would say that one of the big signs is when they talk a lot more about what they have compared to what impact they make. Because you can find a lot of people who... From the outside looking in, their life is phenomenal. But when you get around them, like you personally know this person. They are your brother. They are your friend. They are your family. Or it might be you yourself. If you cannot be in a room by yourself and not feel the need to make your life The term I like to use is 'instagramable'. So people will go to a restaurant or they'll go to a party for the sole purpose of showing it off online. If that's something you find yourself doing a lot, stop doing it. Just go a week without posting what restaurant you're at or what party you're at. Just go a week without doing it. And you'll start to realize that wait, yeah, the likes and the comments and the validation feels good. But if you don't feel good by yourself, doing it with yourself, that's a major sign to do some self-reflection and a sign that we can be aware of and look for in others. I would say if this is like major though, if you're around them and they're down and they're tired and sleepy, But the moment the cameras come out, now they're smiling, they're happy and they're bubbly. That's a major sign right there. Yeah, wow. Thank you, thank you. is really great, was really great. Thank you. We're going to take a short break here for maybe 20, 30 seconds and we'll be back very soon. Let's take a quick pause here. uh And maybe, like many of us, you're realizing The pressure to be enough, the silence,

I want to tell you this: 8:38

don't have to untangle it all on your own. At Life and Leadership Connected, I work with purpose-driven people who are ready to stop striving and start aligning with who they really are. My 3 month Purpose Pathway program helps you go from Confusion to Clarity You can learn more and book a free concentration call at lifeleadershipconnected.com But for now, stay tuned, because what Lawrence shares next might just shift the way you see yourself. Hello and welcome back to the Life and Leadership Connected Podcast, and today have conversation with Lawrence Harris. Lawrence Harris. I wonder, tell me about your leadership of yourself and others and what were the hardest lessons you had to learn in becoming someone who could lead from truth and healing? The hardest lesson I had to learn about leadership, because not only in leading myself, but being an inspiration to other people, is for better or worse, the leader has to hold themself to the utmost standard. Because think of it like in a war, if the general does not know how to lead properly, the soldiers... are going off of bad leadership. So when we lose the war, it's not the soldiers' fault, it's the generals' fault. And when I make my content or I'm making books or videos or going into schools and speaking there, if people don't enjoy it, I have to say to myself, 'Lawrence that's on you'. Like, I have to be very, very honest with myself. The leader cannot make excuses. So if you, I say I'm going to post eight videos. If I post five, I have to hold myself to that standard and say, Lawrence, you didn't keep your word to yourself. So the hardest thing about leadership isn't managing other people. It's managing yourself. It's getting out of bed and going to work when you feel tired. Because if I don't show up on these podcasts, the podcast doesn't get made. If I don't send those emails, the emails don't get sent. If I don't post the content, the content does not get posted. And I cannot blame anybody for not buying my stuff if I'm not even promoting it. Yeah, that's true. So true. I would say when it comes to leading other people, so I'm going to use the example of my siblings, like, you know, leading my siblings as a big brother. You have to understand not everyone communicates how you do. Not everyone sees the world how you do, and they don't think the way that you do. So something that... will be very relatable whether you are a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company listening to this or you are a big brother or big sister. People have emotions and you cannot allow yourself to get trapped and stirred up into other people's emotions because once things get too emotion-based all rationality goes out the window. I don't want to send these emails because I'm tired today. The rational thing to do is do it even if you're tired, as long as you're not like clinically sleep deprived. That's an exception. But you have to be willing to push through how you feel and instead do what you have to do. That's good, really good. And I wonder does real self love look like, Lawrence? Not the Instagram version, but the daily raw honest version of self love? Best way can put it is when you love yourself with nothing. So I don't need to show my, I don't have a car, but if I did, imagine I don't need to show my car. I don't need to show anything fancy. I don't need to portray anything. I am what I am. I go to sleep at night loving myself. Whether I have a million in the bank, or I have zero, I love myself. Whether I have a car or a bike, I love myself. Whether I have a wife and three kids or no wife and no three kids, I love myself. So it's when you feel good about who you are, not necessarily that you feel happy, but that you feel good about the person you are and the impact you make in the world. When you can enjoy the fruits of your labor, but you're not addicted to the fruit. When you are able to celebrate and enjoy all the hard work and the money, you enjoy the money, you enjoy the car, you enjoy all the things, but you're not addicted to those things. You love you for you based on you. When there is nothing that you need to feel love about yourself. That's what real self-love is. And it's ironic how a lot of the people who have the least of the material things often have the most of that self-love. That's not to say that we all need to sell our physical possessions and move out to the mountains with the monks. But a lot of the reason why they're so peaceful and calm and at peace with themselves is because the only thing they have to love is themselves and the pursuit of knowledge. So one great tip I would give for people to develop that sense of self love is simply, like I said earlier, take a week, just seven days where you do not post your life on Instagram. If you're like a If you have like a business where you have to post content, that's an exception. But if you don't have a business where you have to post content about your life, don't post your life. Don't show off. Spend that time with yourself. Take yourself on a date. Take yourself to the movies. Treat yourself like you love yourself. And eventually you will start to realize that, I enjoy. money. I enjoy cars. I enjoy all these things. But the thing I really enjoy is when I go and spend eight hours by myself fishing. No music, no people, no nothing. Just me and this lake and my peace and quiet. That's my favorite thing in the world. Wow, good, it's really good. You talked about journaling before, that was a breakthrough for you. And also about movement. So I Can you walk us through these tools, journaling, movement and reclaiming your voice? How you used them then, and how they can help someone listening today? in the same way, or in a similar way. Let's say that you are really stressed out. You're really sad. You're going through something difficult. know, dog passed away, house burnt down. You're going through something terrible. You're able to journal and write out, here's what I'm going through on this day. I'm not sure how I'm going to figure it out, but here's what's happening. And you can physically get the emotions out. Maybe you're crying going to the page. It's not about how you feel when you journal, it's simply about doing it. Because you can look back at that and read it and go, okay, here's what I'm going through. What can I do? And then you journal some more and you come up with a solution. Okay, I don't have a house anymore, but do I have a family member who I can live with? Do I have enough money to get an apartment? Do I have homeowners insurance and I can get the money back that I put into the house? Do I have a shelter nearby? What can I do? Journaling will help you find solutions to your problems and also help you get the emotions out. Or your life is already fantastic. Everything's great. You're living on a high horse. But now your wife is pregnant with another kid and you want to upgrade your house. You know, want to get a bigger house. You want to get a bigger apartment because your family is growing and you want... more square footage to expand. Journaling can help you come up with ways of doing that. Okay, right now I'm making 75,000. How can I make 90,000? And you journal and you write, okay, here's how I'm feeling, here's what I'm going through, here's what I know, here's my skillset. What can I do? And then you think for a moment and you realize, oh, I could go get this degree. and make more money. I could learn this new skill. I could start a business. I could do all these things. Journaling will help you come up with ways of doing that. As as movement goes, so think of you're really stressed out. You're angry. Boxing, weightlifting, running, swimming, yoga. These will help to get emotions out of your body physically. It's also been proven that exercise is by far the healthiest thing you can do. It reduces your chances. Obviously, you know, I'm not a medical expert. This isn't medical advice. I'm just referring to what I've read. Any health condition you can name. It's not going to be solved, but it can be heavily prevented with consistent exercise. High blood pressure. that can be improved with exercise. Asthma. Theodore Roosevelt, who, for those who don't know, he was one of the presidents of the United States, long time ago. He had severe asthma, so he had trouble breathing. Through intense exercise, he fixed it. Like he actually increased the blood flow in his body and the size of his lungs through exercise and no longer had asthma. Again, not a medical expert. However, I'm referring to what the medical experts have said. And in reclaiming your voice, being able to speak up. So I'm not saying that you need to go and do what I do and go up on a stage and tell everybody about your traumas and all of that. I'm not saying you need to do that. But learning how to speak up for yourself and tell people when they violate your boundaries, not get angry and yell at them and fight them about it, but simply to speak up and say to your boyfriend or girlfriend or family member or person at school, 'I don't like when you do that. That makes me feel this way. That's a boundary I have. Do not cross it.' That's a very respectful way of letting someone know that you don't like when they do a certain thing. And by having the confidence to speak up for yourself in ways like that, it'll transfer into other things, like at a job. For better or worse, a lot of employers I've had will try to get one up on you. They'll try to pay you as little as possible for as much work as possible, which from their perspective actually makes a lot of sense. Why would I pay you $50 for $50 worth of work if you'll accept $15? So being able to speak up for yourself in terms of what you want in relationships, in jobs, in family dynamics, in everything. It then ties back into self-love because people who love themselves and respect themselves don't allow others to trample all over them. You know, they're able to have self-control and not fight everybody over the smallest thing and be able to pick their battles wisely, but they don't cower and fear at their boss. Good wonder for someone listening right now who feels disconnected from themselves who maybe even hates with the scene in the mirror can they begin? I mean what's one small real world practice they can try today? Well, for something like that, the small practices are, they get heavy very fast. Cause for me, the way I started was I asked myself 'why' Okay, why do I feel this way? The moment you ask that, you will get the answer and that answer will hit you like a truck. So, You're like, so, okay, why do I hate myself? Why am I upset? Why do I feel this way? Why do I always get afraid when people are near me? The answer could be as simple as people bullied you when you were younger. It's painful, but it's not super severe. Or the reason could be when you were younger, a family member touched you inappropriately and you forgot about that. But now you just ask yourself why. and you got snapped back to when you were five years old. Now, that's why I also tell people, journaling will help you a lot with that. Because once you ask yourself 'why' and you get those heavy answers, that's when you're going to have all of these thoughts running around your head 24-7. You need to write them down and get them out. You can also try therapy if you can afford that or you have access to it. For some people it works, for some people it doesn't. It worked for me. Going off my personal experience, it does help to talk about what you go through. Another way you can do this is if you feel like you're not ready to get that instant answer, like to get the truth right here, right now, just look at the outside of your life and start to change things up. Like, okay, are you listening to a lot of sad music? Let's change that. Are you... inside of a dirty room, clean it. Because if you're inside of a dirty room and you have a dirty life, more than likely your mind will become dirty. Changing up people who you hang around. Because if, for better or worse, if you hang around five alcoholics, you will become the sixth. So the fastest way is ask yourself 'why' Why do you feel like this? What happened? What led you to this point? And not running from the answer. Because the answer is the answer. You're going to try and reject it, which I tried to. I'm like, 'no, it can't be that. It has to be something different. My entire life cannot be on this negative cycle because of something that happened to me years ago. No, I'm too strong for that.' Your pride starts to get in the way and you build up like this ego that says, 'no, I'm too strong to be affected by that thing years ago.' But the truth is, until you do the work to uncover what's going on underneath the surface and get honest and look at the nasty dark reality, it's always gonna be there and you can't run from it. Wow, thank you, thank you, Lawrence. Let's take another pause here. you're feeling a little bit more seen, a little bit more hopeful, that is not a coincidence.

What Lawrence just shared, speaks to something universal: 26:05

longing to feel whole, the longing to feel free, to feel that we belong to ourselves again. And yet, the story is not over yet. In part 3 we talk about what it means to live out the healing. So don't stop now, come with us into this final part of this powerful journey.