Breakdown to Breakthrough: Emer O’Donnell on Resilience, Identity, and the Next Generation

What if the missing piece in education wasn't more facts, but emotional tools for resilience, clarity, and self-leadership?
In this powerful episode, I sit down with Emer O’Donnell, a behavioral change coach, author, and founder of TeenReconnect, whose passion is to equip the next generation with the tools most of us wish we had growing up.
After two decades of success in international business, Emer asked a life-defining question:
“Why didn’t I learn this sooner?”
Now a mother of three, Emer brings the best of psychology, coaching, and behavioral science to teens, parents, and organizations, bridging the gap between emotional overwhelm and confident, purposeful living.
Whether you're a young professional navigating pressure and identity, or a leader wanting to understand how to support future generations better,  this conversation is for you.

In this inspiring and deeply practical episode of Life & Leadership Connected, host David Dahlén D'Cruz welcomes Emer O’Donnell, founder of TeenReconnect and creator of the Q Pathfinder and 7Q TeenReconnect programs.
Together, they explore:
Why anxiety, pressure, and self-doubt are increasing among youth and young professionals.
The key mindset shifts that build real confidence and self-leadership.
How to move from breakdown to breakthrough in identity, relationships, and decision-making
What leaders and parents can do to create connection instead of control.
How Emer’s personal story led her to pioneer a new approach to youth empowerment.
Emer’s insights are not just for teens, they’re timeless tools for anyone navigating stress, expectations, or the search for purpose.

Here are som links Emer talks about ith the podcast:
Teenreconnect:
https://www.teenreconnect.com/EmerODonnell

The Difficult conversation Guide:
https://teenreconnect.kartra.com/page/WaD54

The book 'Understanding Teen Stress & Anxiety; A Parent's Guide For Building Love & Connection':
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CLGR7PK1

Emer O'Donnel on LinkedIn:
www.linkedin.com/in/emerodonnell

If this conversation spoke to something deep within you, I invite you to explore more at https://lifeleadershipconnected.com

Discover coaching that helps you align your identity, purpose, and impact — and take the next step with clarity and courage.

/David Dahlén D’Cruz

We Empower Your Journey

Transcript

0:05

made a lot of mistakes when I was a teenager and I didn't even realise I was making them. As Steve Jobs says, it's bit easier to connect the dots when you're looking backwards. But actually what I think is so important today is that if we get our relationships within ourselves right, then we can get relationships with other people right. And I think it's very difficult for a lot of young people living through COVID, you know, a lot of them are, you know, on digital devices all the time, really knowing who they are, really knowing what they want and empowering them to have that knowledge so that they don't feel lost and overwhelmed. It's pretty much what I'm about when it comes to my work. Yeah, so there's two sides. I'm a mom, no doubt about it, love it. And then also I have that professional side, you know, and a fun loving side. I think our lives need to be lived with joy. We need to try and find it. We need to be able to handle the uncertainty of the world we live in now. And that takes upgraded skills. And I think every kid needs somebody and I call it the good adult. And that's another part of the training that I do is that we train the adults who are either part of the kid's life, it might be a parent, it might be a teacher, it might be a sports coach. We train them with these upgraded skills because we know then that's really going to create the security blanket for young people. A place where they can feel safe, someone they can trust, because if it's missing, we know that the rates of depression, self-harming, anxiety and suicide go through the roof. And you know what? We've created a hugely modern world. It rotates 24-7 and it never needs to stop. We cannot stay still in that without upgrading our ability to connect with, with people because without that connection we're lonely and we're lost. And that's no way to live. Whereas now young people are being asked to make decisions about their futures that they're terrified to do because they don't know who they are. We would never do this in business if we didn't have the data to support the decision making. And there's a huge fear of failure because again they didn't get to run around, be free like all the generations before them. And I think also there's another piece in negative cycle and parents don't mean to do it. It's the constant feedback that they give to their kids. Just don't leave them alone and they don't even realise we do it. It's the second greatest human need after breathing. And we do it every three hours. And often most of the time when parents give feedback, unconsciously, it's because you've done something wrong. You know? And I notice I do it myself and I'm aware of it I go, no, stop, be quiet, say nothing. Let them do it. Let them learn through the process. And then the other thing is, you know, that's that social comparison. I only had to compare myself with friends at school or, you know, people who lived in my neighborhood. I'm not comparing myself with the world with a whole world of illusion out there. You know, just see what AI can create now, you know, as if everyone's having the perfect life and you're not. And it's not true. That's not the human journey. And yeah, and I think... It's like a cauldron, it's a mixture of factors. And if you don't know who you are, if you don't know that you have, you know, limiting beliefs, if you don't know, have any sense of who you are, you can feel very lost and disconnected because you feel like you're a failure. And if you don't have the off switch for that, to change the story, know how the psychology of it works, then actually I see young people ending up in a total, what I call the "freak out zone". So we go from a comfort zone to a learning zone, but if we're pushed beyond what we're able to cope with, we end up in the freak out zone. And that's what I'm seeing. That's where the stress and anxiety is coming from. So I just recognize that cycle in my work. Hello and warm welcome to the Life and Leadership Connected podcast. I am David Dahlén D'Cruz and I'm so excited you're here today. In this podcast we dive into what really matters. Finding your life's purpose. Discovering your 'why'. and learning how to connect life and leadership in a healthy and sustainable way. What fuels your energy and passion? How do we grow and stay as leaders who make a real difference? inspiration to live with greater purpose and lead with heart. Want to learn more? Visit lifeleadershipconnected.com. I'm your guide and coach, David Dahlén D'Cruz. Let's get started. Hello and welcome to a new episode of the podcast Life & Leadership Connected Podcast. And today I have name is Emer O'Connell. Welcome to the podcast Emer. Thank you very much. And just to say it's Emer O'Donnell. So we get that bit right. Thank you. Thank you. I'm delighted to be here. I love the work that you do. It's very inspiring and I love your journey as well and how you've ended up where you are. So yeah, thank you for the invite. As I usually do, I will give a short presentation of who Emer is. She's a founder of something called the "Teenreconnect". And she's a coach, an author and a trainer. And she works with parents and teens, youth and coach organizations to empower young people to live lives they love. And she is the creator of something called the "Q Pathfinder" program and the"Q-teenreconnect" program. And she has studied psychology at College of Dublin and have 20 years of experience working internationally with global After that she retrained and completed a Master of Science degree as a behavioural change coach. at Henley Business School in the United Kingdom and she became a qualified coach in And then she questioned why so much of what she had learned as a coach, this is so transformational for well-being and perfomance. She saw that, you know, it's applied in business and sports settings. Why wasn't that something young person... why couldn't young person have that? That's something that bothered her. And she felt would have been helped and made herself and choices in her own life if she had had that kind of coaching. And so she wanted fill this gap, so to speak, this missing gap in education to future generations and young people. why she does what she does today. She wants help young people find who they are, identity and so on. She will explain a bit more about that later on here. in a little while. She is a mother of three children and lives in east-born England United Kingdom. Is that correct description of you Emer? Absolutely perfect David. Well done. Yeah, you did a great job. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Emer. Who are you and what led you up to the point where you are today? So I was brought up in Ireland and like a lot of Irish people I'm one of those exports that came out of Ireland when there was a recession and I ended up in the UK. So I've lived in the UK a long time but I also have that very much that Irish heritage. yeah I'm somebody who cares passionately about young people. I mean I love my own kids and I find them inspirational every day. I find them creative, I find them joyful, I find them inspiring, I find them courageous and I feel blessed that I can be here to be their parent but I also get a side of my life where I can fulfil my own passions and I think for me that's a really important thing, it's really important to find that balance. I guess that's who I am, it's just that you said a lot about me on the way in and I've gone on a journey. I think often in our own work we bring our own journeys and our learning and then the idea is to play that forward and as you spoke about earlier, I made a lot of mistakes when I was a teenager and I didn't even realise I was making them. As Steve Jobs says, it's bit easier to connect the dots when you're looking backwards. But actually what I think is so important today is that if we get our relationships within ourselves right, then we can get relationships with other people right. And I think it's very difficult for a lot of young people living through COVID, you know, a lot of them are, you know, on digital devices all the time, really knowing who they are, really knowing what they want and empowering them to have that knowledge so that they don't feel lost and overwhelmed. It's pretty much what I'm about when it comes to my work. Yeah, so there's two sides. I'm a mom, no doubt about it, love it. And then also I have that professional side, you know, and a fun loving side. I think our lives need to be lived with joy. We need to try and find it. We need to be able to handle the uncertainty of the world we live in now. And that takes upgraded skills. Sure. You have recognized a problem that many teenage parents face today, that is a reduced connection with a teenager. And the can be withdrawn and moody in periods and depending on how the parents handle this behavior, the relationship with a teenager can become very strained. is podcast about leadership and a parent is definitely a leadership role, whether we want it or not. And a person's leadership of themselves and others, they are grounded in those early years, in our connection other people, in our family and with our friends. And you have a passion for young people, for them to grow and develop in a healthy way. Mm-hmm. Can you describe a bit where this passion comes from and what are some of the major problems especially young people face today? I just feel on my journey. mean, when I was very young, I used to travel around the country with my mother when she worked. And it's really unusual. I would go to school for half a day or I'd go for a full day and I'd pop in and out and I used to stay in these lovely hotels. And so I was the kid that was always new on the playground. And it could be the Wild West, but it also developed in me a real sense of... curiosity around people. And I guess that's why I ended up studying psychology. And then I had, you know, I worked in business for many years. I loved it. I just it was just coming out of, you know, that work at Henley thinking I did the psychology bit. I did all that years, all those years in global organizations. But it was the coaching piece that really, really resonated with me and how transformational it can be. But it's also not rocket science. And it just really made me think. The journey I'd been on, you know, I'd been through a difficult marriage breakup, I hadn't kind of figured out how I got there, and that was a kind of an awakening for me. And I just, and it was like, I wish someone had given it to me when I was a teenager. And what can I do to do that? And I think, I think also what I saw, David, was I saw this tsunami of mental health issues coming over the horizon before other people did. And I know because I used to talk to people and they thought I was crazy. You felt like you were talking to the wall. Thankfully they listen to me now. But for me it's, we're living in a world that's digitally connected, but we are becoming disconnected in our communities. And I know the value of that family unit. I know the value of happy children. And I think so many parents are stressed now. And we know stressed parents create stressed kids. Parents want the best for their kids, but they don't always know how to achieve it. And I see that with my work. You know, I see parents bring me their children and say, here's the problem. And I go, no, there's always two sides to this, but we don't know what we don't know. And they don't have the training that I have or the training that you have. And I think everyone needs that training today because not only does it help them in their relationships with their children, it also helps them in their relationships with themselves, in their workplace, everywhere. This stuff needs to be mainstream. And so for me, if we can have better relationships with our parents, and I'm very blessed I had a wonderful relationship, certainly with my mother, and because she was the one who raised us. And I know how lucky I was to have that. And I know we used to have kids come around our house when we were small, teenagers, where they wouldn't go home to their own parents, but they would come to my mother. And I think every kid needs somebody and I call it the good adult. And that's another part of the training that I do is that we train the adults who are either part of the kid's life, it might be a parent, it might be a teacher, it might be a sports coach. We train them with these upgraded skills because we know then that's really going to create the security blanket for young people. A place where they can feel safe, someone they can trust, because if it's missing, we know that the rates of depression, self-harming, anxiety and suicide go through the roof. And you know what? We've created a hugely modern world. It rotates 24-7 and it never needs to stop. We cannot stay still in that without upgrading our ability to connect with, with people because without that connection we're lonely and we're lost. And that's no way to live. I wonder how would you say these challenges are different from the ones you faced as a teenager yourself, Emer? I just think the world's a different place, completely different place. I think there's stress, continual stress, and most people are often unconscious to it. And the problem is that I was a kid, I got to run free. I lived in the countryside. I'd go to school in the morning, maybe nine o'clock, I'd be out by three. The rest of the day was mine. I'd just come home for feeding. I was able to spend the days as I wished. My days were not... planned like a production line. There was no fear in me talking to a stranger. You I was very free and you learn, I think you learn through those experiences as a kid. If you fall over, you can pick yourself up and that resilience is built slowly over time. I think so many young people right now don't feel in control of their lives. They feel that the path ahead is very uncertain. and they really struggle to connect the dots because they're so overwhelmed with data. We get more data in a day now than a person got in their whole lives in the 1900s. And basically uncertainty, inability to connect the dots and also not feeling in control, that's what stress is. And I think parents are more stressed because they're having to organize everything. So no one gets the freedom they want because... We're coming from a place of fear that it's not safe. And I think we really, really need the skills to navigate that because our brains haven't evolved to cope with the data overload. And our bodies haven't evolved to cope with the constant trigger of fear and stress reactions, which we need to have to survive, but they're not supposed to be triggered as often as they are. And I, you know, we only have to look at the health of young people. We now know half the... half the population in the world is going to have a mental health problem. That's one in two. Not that long ago, it was one in four. And we also know that, you know, a lot of that develops during those childhood, adolescent, young adult years. And 15 years old is often when the first manifestation of that shows up. Our children are sick. A lot of them are dying on our watch and it's time to wake up and do something about it. For me, parents, I talk to parents all the time and they just don't know what to do. And it doesn't have to be like this. We know also from the research that training people who are not necessarily psychologists or qualified counsellors, if they get a certain amount of training, they can handle, you know, they can handle stress, can handle anxiety, provided it's not extreme. With the right training we can do it. And where we need to be is in prevention mode. That's where we need to be. We need it as part of the mainstream education. And I'm on a mission to do that. And that's why, really that's why I created that Q Pathfinder, because they don't get the time to mature anymore. They don't get time to figure out who they are. They're bombarded with who they're supposed to be. And I believe that that gives the diagnostic to that good adult that you might get from a psychologist. It does a lot of the work. And when you know who you are, you get an idea of what you want to create, and then you can go make it happen. But if you don't know who you are, it's like getting into the car and you don't know where you're going. and we're stuck. So, did that answer your question? think so. I think We'll come back to this Q-pathfinder in a little while. But I wonder, you've written a book the

Team Stress and Anxiety: 19:34

a Parent's Guide to Building Love and Connection." In this book, you write about a negative cycle affects people, affects young people. touched upon it a little bit now, but can you, a bit more specific, lead us through that negative cycle so we understand it? Okay, so what I started to notice in my coaching practice was that there were certain themes that would show up when young people were brought to me for coaching. And first of all, was data overload. Inability to manage the data overload, that fear of missing out, not knowing how to switch it off. That, you know, digitization is a huge part of that. There was also about an inability to calm the mind, you know, not able to connect the dots. We get access to I think 11,000 bits of information per second, unconsciously. We can only access 40 to 50 of them consciously. But if we are not able to get out of our stressful patterns of thinking, we'll end up with the same small amount of data to come to the same conclusions. And so when we can calm everything down, we're not in kind of focused inward mode, we're focused outward. And so for me, being able to train and know how to do that is now an essential with the world that we live in. We also have the developing brain. We know that teenage brains are 80 % mature. I describe them as a building site, a massive project, a job operating 24-7. We know they're stuck in their emotional brains. We also know there are a lot of them are much more sedentary so being able to go out and run some of that stuff off. That isn't what a lot of people do so they're stuck in their heads and they don't know how to get out of their heads. We also have I think a lot more pressure in school. I don't remember pressure in school apart from the odd exam that I had to do. There was no big focus that you had to make you know this decision at this age and that decision at that age because everything seemed to be much more open and available. Whereas now young people are being asked to make decisions about their futures that they're terrified to do because they don't know who they are. We would never do this in business if we didn't have the data to support the decision making. And there's a huge fear of failure because again they didn't get to run around, be free like all the generations before them. And I think also there's another piece in negative cycle and parents don't mean to do it. It's the constant feedback that they give to their kids. Just don't leave them alone and they don't even realise we do it. It's the second greatest human need after breathing. And we do it every three hours. And often most of the time when parents give feedback, unconsciously, it's because you've done something wrong. You know? And I notice I do it myself and I'm aware of it I go, no, stop, be quiet, say nothing. Let them do it. Let them learn through the process. And then the other thing is, you know, that's that social comparison. I only had to compare myself with friends at school or, you know, people who lived in my neighborhood. I'm not comparing myself with the world with a whole world of illusion out there. You know, just see what AI can create now, you know, as if everyone's having the perfect life and you're not. And it's not true. That's not the human journey. And yeah, and I think... It's like a cauldron, it's a mixture of factors. And if you don't know who you are, if you don't know that you have, you know, limiting beliefs, if you don't know, have any sense of who you are, you can feel very lost and disconnected because you feel like you're a failure. And if you don't have the off switch for that, to change the story, know how the psychology of it works, then actually I see young people ending up in a total, what I call the "freak out zone". So we go from a comfort zone to a learning zone, but if we're pushed beyond what we're able to cope with, we end up in the freak out zone. And that's what I'm seeing. That's where the stress and anxiety is coming from. So I just recognize that cycle in my work. How would you say that parents' role and challenges have changed in this environment compared to when you were a teenager? Well, I just think they're, I think they're, on the job 24-7. I don't think they get the breaks that my mum used to, you know, I could be gone all day and, you know, she might be working or she might, you know, on the weekend just have to cook, but she didn't have to mind me or entertain me or plan my summers or plan my day or, and, and, and equally, I think parents right now, you know, a lot of them are on devices 24-7 as well. It's an expectation that you have to be available. And I think there's greater expectation around of what a good life is. And that puts a lot of pressure on people. And also communities have broken up. Families are apart. So you don't get that support that was there before. And all the stress that comes with it. I think people are much more stressed than they ever used to be. They don't gather in their communities in the way that they used to. You know, might not be religious or, you know, but there was a sense of community. You knew your neighbor, you know, they'd look out for you. And I suppose there would be certain places that will still happen, but in a lot of the developed economies around the world, people don't. And so they're doing it on their own. And, you know, there's a reason why. throughout human history, we gathered together in groups because we're stronger together in groups. And if you got slung out because something bad happened onto the savanna, you knew you were going to die. You know, something was going to eat you. And I think that fear is still there. And I think parents are as susceptible to social comparison as anyone else. You know, they want to do their best for their kids, but a lot of the time they actually don't have the skills either, to know how to navigate the noisy world we live in. Thank you. I wonder what were some of the guiding lights or mind stones that guided you through your teenage years that made the big difference in your life and in your development? I think my guiding lights didn't kind of show up till way later. And that was part of the problem. I think my real guiding light came, like in my thirties, you know. I'd married, I'd had my first child and my marriage went, you know, belly up. And I kind of woke up one day and thought, how did I get here? What was the series of all those decisions I made? And were they smart decisions? Because often where we end up can be very small decisions. Was I coming from a place of fear or was I coming from a place of completeness? And I think that was my wake-up call. And what I also discovered was that I knew that I couldn't stay. I took my small son with me and I moved from a job that I really enjoyed, but it wasn't something I could do on my own. And I relocated to the countryside because I'd been brought up in the countryside and that's what I wanted for my son. So was a better life. Ended up working for a race team at the time, but it wasn't long before they went bankrupt. And I was like, my goodness, what am I going to do now? You know, and I didn't have family around. I didn't know anyone there. It wasn't as digitally connected as before. But what I learned, like in every crisis there's a learning. I was like stressed out in my head. How am I going put food on the table for my son? How am going to have a roof over my head? But I looked at the racing drivers and they were cool as cucumbers, you know? These guys are top performers, focused on their purpose. They race, you know, for the next race. They don't worry beyond tomorrow. They're fit, they're healthy, they know to find joy in their day. And they were really present. And this is long before anyone was ever speaking about being present, you know? And this is 26, 27 years ago. And I thought, I need to be doing more what they're doing. So how do I do that? And what I was also aware of, and I learned very much there through that crisis was the power of intention. Because I didn't want to go back to London and not see my son. I remember going to a nursery and running out of it and thinking, I can't leave him there all day long. And believe me, everyone has choices and I'm not judging anyone else, but it just felt so wrong for me. So I went back to my network and I wanted to see what was available. And like a teenager, I had to almost rediscover what I could bring to the party. You know, what were my talents? What were my strengths? What did I need to develop? And thankfully I got a job where it meant I could work from home, and also when you have to go to London for one day a week. And it was initially just for three months. And I remember thinking to myself, I can worry that it's for three months or I can focus on the three months and see what shows up after that. And that job lasted for a year. I was really lucky. But then if I'd have been worried, I wouldn't have done a good job. And then equally, I was approached by an old boss who asked me to go and work for him. And he knew I wouldn't go to London, you know, every day of week. So he negotiated a package. I didn't have to be at work before 10. I could leave at five. I could work from home. And I think I was really lucky because I worked in the media, in the world of media. And you have journalists, you know, all around the world. And there used to be people not being in the office all the time. So 20 odd years ago, I was able to create that hybrid that's very mainstream now. But I believe if you have a clear intention, if you're aligned with your values, if you really say what it is that you need and you're serving yourself and others that you love, you can pretty much create anything. And I learned that back then. And you do it from a calm mind, not from a stressed and anxious mind. there some lessons that you learned during this period that you have from your youth and onwards that you have learned that you have been of great value for you today? I just think it's just building that resilience. I think that's a key part of it. It's about knowing who you are. And that's what my work is all about with young people. Giving you the tools to understand why you behave the way you do, why you feel the way you do, where your natural talents and strengths sit, where your gaps are, because that's where your stresses are going to be. So you need to manage them. And how do you build really good relationships? That's what I've learned on my journey. Because if you tick all those boxes, well, life is a whole lot easier. And finding time for the joy in the everyday. And knowing that we have our stories, but we need to check in on them. We have our delusions. We have our thinking errors. We have over 200 cognitive biases. And if you're not aware of them, well, you make really poor decisions. And I think if we can make that accessible and more mainstream and we can build that self-awareness now, I think lives will be so much easier to navigate because change is constant and we have to get comfortable with it. But we need to be able to manage it too because our kind of our bodies haven't evolved, as I said, to keep up. And so we need to be able to manage that piece as well, you know. So I guess that's what I learned more than anything. And I also learned that stress isn't a friend of family. It's not going to make you a good parent. know, it's, our children need loving, nurturing homes. They need to feel safe there. But they need boundaries too. And you're not there to be their best friend. You're there to be their parent. And I think that's super important. You know, and my job is always to pass on the best of me so they can be the best of themselves. They're not there to fulfill my needs. I am there to nurture them like a plant so that they can grow and flower and be the colour flower, whatever they want. I don't mind so long as they're happy. Yeah, good. Thank you. We spoke about the negative cycle before, but I saw that on your web page, on your teamreconnect web page, you have a positive cycle also. Can you take us through that? Sure, that's very much knowing how to calm the mind down, connect the dots. It's about understanding that, understanding what your strengths and talents are. And as I said, the Q pathfinder enables a young person to do that. Because when you know who you are, you can put yourself in a climate in which you'll thrive. And that's what successful people do, who can achieve wellbeing and performance. It's also about visiting your limiting beliefs because they can trip us up and often they're unconscious. It's about understanding that when we can find something, find a purpose in our life that serves us but also serves others, it's a really powerful motivator and the Q helps with kind of understanding that as well. It's about understanding that we have mental resistance, where something new comes along, it's not long before our brain tells us, no, no, no, no, stay with the tried and tested. And so that's a psychological barrier, you know, and we need to be able to overcome that. It's about getting comfortable with the tension when you set a goal that you may not have all the steps along the way figured out. It's about getting comfortable about walking into the unknown. And that's about managing story. It's about managing internal critic. It's about what I say, focusing on what you want and love and going towards that rather than backstepping and running away from what you fear. It just creates a totally different energy. It's about understanding emotions. And so for me, it's that is the cycle that creates wellbeing and when you have and you know what creates what I call your well-being gold, then that's what drives sustainable performance. It's not performance first and well-being afterwards, it's well-being first. And that comes with being comfortable with who you are. Yeah. So that makes sense. Absolutely. You described negative side before, the problem, and now you're describing we're looking it should be. And your work is about those areas, so to speak, and that is your coaching program. Mm-hmm. So I thought we can take short break here, maybe 20 seconds for some information and then I will give you a chance to explain and tell us exactly what your coaching program is. Okay, so we'll be right back. Thank you. Hi, thanks for listening. I'm so glad you're here. If this conversation is resonating with you and you started to reflect on your own leadership, your purpose, or how to move forward with more confidence and then I would love to invite you to take the next step. You can download my free guide, "Unlock the Overlocked Path to Fulfillment." No pressure, just a chance to talk about your story and explore what's possible. podcast, Life & Leadership Connected Podcast. Today I interview Emer O'Donnell. We'll continue with these questions here. Before the pause we talked about the negative cycle, the problem and that phase many young people today and we also talked about the positive cycle, the good way how it should be and what we should strive for. And your coaching program is how to bring people from this negative cycle into the positive cycle. You've called this the "7Q Coaching Program" and a "Q Pathfinder." Can you tell us a bit about what this is and how this fill this gap and these challenges? Sure, I'd love to do that. I think we live in a very psychologically challenging world right now. And it's even harder for teens because their brains are only 80 % mature. And so, you know, we need to help them understand who they are because we're very vulnerable at that age, you know, and trying to figure out who we are, what our identity is, the hormones are raging, all sorts of things are going on. And we also know they're very vulnerable to mental health issues during this developmental phase. So giving them tools to be able to navigate what is can feel like a really, you know, an uncertain world, it's essential now. So with the program moving from the negative cycle to the positive cycle, I identified key things that I felt were necessary. And I developed it, you know, through my own coaching practice, you know, what was working for me. And it's very much about quietening the mind. I'm going on a quest for self-awareness. And as I said, I developed that Q Pathfinder, which helps with that.

It focuses on 6 key areas from the research that we did that young people want help with: 38:12

About me, Confidence, Stress, Careers, Learning, and People. And when you think about it, it's pretty obvious, but I think even as adults, we need help with that stuff sometimes. The next bit is about questioning beliefs. It's also about, you know, really looking at mental resistance and how that shows up and how you navigate it. It's also knowing how to set goals because there is a bit of a scientific approach to that and not everybody's wired in the same way in terms of how they do it. So there's a whole six part section on that. And then we also have what I call the "quality roadmap guide" which are lots of coaching tools and techniques that I have developed and borrowed on my journey, which looks at things like managing boundaries, handling feedback, understanding about what a positive relationship looks like. And I'm continually adding to that. I call it my "Pot of tricks". And it's just giving them to young people. For me, it's super important. You know who you are, but you also recognize that not everyone else is the same as you. And that's usually why we fall out, because we're not able to stand in someone else's shoes. And we also know in the world of work, those soft skills are more essential than ever, because the AI is going to take over the other stuff. And so being able to develop those, to be able to communicate effectively, to have empathy to be able to, you know, really connect is going to be vital for success. And so really that's what the program's about. It's about taking, you know, tried and tested science, psychology and equality coaching approach and putting it into a format that young people can understand and also training those good adults in their lives, whether they're a teacher, whether they're a sports coach, whether they're a parent, so that those adults can go on that journey as well. And then they can meet together with more awareness. And you put it in an app. I think that's quite amazing. I mean, of course there lot of apps today, but I think it's very profound it in an app youngsters can use themselves directly into their phone. Can you us little bit around how has the response to that has been? Okay, so the whole program isn't in an app. The Q Pathfinder piece is, which is that self-awareness piece. So it's a tool that is used where a young person and whoever is coaching them can engage together. It's something that a young person can have. It's like, you know, it's feedback in their pocket, but the whole premise behind it is it's an app for connection. Because if you can understand me and help me understand me, then I can understand you better too. And that's what we need. That's what's missing. A lot of young people feel disconnected. We know from the research when young people try to take their own lives, what they often say is they don't feel that they have a sense of purpose. They don't feel they're connected to community. They don't feel they have anyone they can talk to about things that really matter to them. They often can struggle. in a family relationship, but not always. And they don't know who they are. And it's when we have that sense of purpose it makes a big difference. So the queue is really like 6 apps in one. It focuses on those 6 areas that young people said they wanted help with. They do a 35, 40 minute Q &A, totally tested globally in terms of the results, because that's really, really important to me. And what we're measuring is predisposed behaviors. What does it feel like to be me on the inside? And how do I prefer to operate and what do I struggle with when I operate in the world in terms of thinking and doing, managing emotions, relating to others and what motivates you? And then the Q takes that profile and it populates those five other areas of confidence, learning, stress, people, careers. and personalises the outputs for that individual. So the chances of anyone having the same profile as anyone else in their Q is one in a quintillion. That's a billion billion, which is more than there are people on the planet. And I really feel that a huge premise as well of the programme is just accept that you're unique. You don't need to be like anyone else. Really empowered authentic people, is what I know you help people achieve in your work, is about being able to show up as yourself and being able to stand in your light rather than feel you have to hide in the shadow. And yeah, that's what this work is about is, know, own yourself, but you know, use the science to figure out where you're going to thrive most based on how you're wired. And yeah, and it's, and it just really helps young people manage what I feel is the huge sense of overwhelm where they they just struggle to even know where to start and It doesn't tell them to be X Y and a Z. It says this is how you are wired, this is what you find easy, this is what you struggle with, and there's a lot of information here, but it's focused information on you and that really helps with decisions and you know that's what we do in business. We we narrow down the data, we pick out the important stuff, and based on that we make good decisions. So it's just the application of science and using technology in order to deliver it. But that human element is still very much part of that program. also written a book, as I mentioned before, title is"Understanding Teen Stress

Anxiety: 44:41

Parent's Guide to Building Love and Connection." Is there something that we haven't mentioned yet that you want to add, when you describe the book, because much of the book is about your work, of course. But would you like develop that a bit about the book? Well, the reason I wrote it, I mean, the reason I do anything is it just seems really obvious that it needs to be done. That's kind of how I work. I don't have it all figured out and, you know, we talked about that goal setting. You know, if I can make the world a better place when I leave it and it's better for my kids, I'm ticking all my boxes basically. And we need better leaders in the future. So for me, the book was very much seeing a need when parents would come to me distressed about their children, not able to connect to them. And I thought, what is it that I do as a coach? What do I bring to the party that I can connect quickly? And I took all the key coaching skills that I have and I put them in a book. And I said, parents, this is your upskilling. You need to learn this stuff now. And it's not beyond anyone's reach. You need to know your psychology. You need to know what you don't know. You need to know your unconscious incompetence because we all have it. And it's until we raise our awareness and we understand what we bring in terms of our emotions, terms of our engagements, in terms of our baggage, in terms of our fears, then your relationships won't thrive. But I... spent three years learning it and I've condensed it into a book for you so you can read it, you know, can read it in a week. So you don't have to do the work that I did and I just think it's essential now. So that's why I created it. That's simply it, simply it. I just could see people struggling and I think, well, if I can save one life, if I can help one family, then I should do it. Yeah, good. Thank you. I've started to read it and it's really, really good. you're parents listening here, do buy the book. if you're a youngster, encourage you to read it too, because you might recognize things. Now we come to some of those questions I always ask to those in the podcast

guest here in the podcast, and the first one is this: 46:48

Tell me about what gives you a life Emer, life within the area of focus you've chosen to spend most of your time in your life and what keeps you energy at a high level day by day? I just think it's being able to see your work come to life is lovely and to know that it makes a difference. I think there's nothing more beautiful than being given the privilege to coach and train somebody and see it make a difference in their lives. I see young people come in, they're downhearted, they're not feeling good and by the time they've been through the program, the sparkles back in their eyes and parents are happier and you know, for me that's brilliant because I really so value that in my own home. And I think, yeah, that's what it is. And I'm naturally, I know myself really well, so I'm naturally visionary in terms of how I think and do things. So I like to solve big world problems. And I think this is one of the biggest world problems we have at the moment, which is stress and anxiety and depression. We also know that suicide is the third biggest killer of young people in the UK, in the USA. Anything that I can do to make the world a better place because I see young people filled to the brim with talent and they don't always value themselves and we need better leadership than what we have at the moment. We have a world that's chaotic, stressful and there's a few people just you know pulling the strings and I think we need to know that we can we can all create in our own way and the more of us that realize that, the more we can shift the kind of world that we want to live on. And I want my kids to live in a good world. So that's my long, long, long-term game. If I can leave it better than I found it or make a difference, then that's job done. I said before that to be a parent is a strong leadership role also. I wonder, tell me about your own leadership of yourself and others, maybe as a parent, and about some challenges and milestones that have shaped you to the person you are today. I mean, talked about it a bit in the beginning, but from a perspective of leadership, could you tell us a bit about that? about some lessons you've learned and challenges and milestones as on in the role as a parent. Yeah, I think I always remember when I first had my first son, I remember thinking, my goodness, it's not about me anymore. I'm in charge of this bundle and you know, there's a big, huge responsibility that comes with that. So I think what I've truly learned is that we're there as parents to show up as best we can. We can't always be perfect, but we can learn to say sorry. Because we expect our children to do it. But if we don't do it and we're always right, then, you know, they learn from us. I also think it's super important in terms of how you lead and you engage with your children that they need to feel like you're a really good boss. You know, not someone who's standing over their shoulder monitoring their every need. Someone who shouts at them when they get something wrong. Think about the people in your life that... made you feel good growing up, who made you feel good at work, what are the qualities that they have that make you want to engage with them? Because with so much going on in the world at the moment and there's so much pressure that young people feel and we know at Gen Z they are suffering more stress and anxiety than any other generation before them, they don't need your stress to come to the table as well. That's not to say you don't set boundaries. I think that's really important in leadership as well. And I think making your children responsible is important too. But not in a way that they feel bad if they get something wrong. In a way that they can learn from it. And not see failure as something that should be avoided because we have to fail to learn. So yeah, I think also on my journey, I've always put my kids first. I've always got the reward, you know, because I think, you know, when you become a parent, they're a huge responsibility. That's part of it. It's part of the journey. But when they're growing up well, when they're happy, the feedback is phenomenal. And yeah, I just find joy in being around them every day. And I love the fact when they pick me up on stuff, you know? I think, yeah, you're right. I'm really glad that you pointed that out because I know you're going to go out into the world and you're going to be a good human and you're going to be able to be who you need to be. I don't need them to be me. I want them to be them. And I think as adults, in terms of our own leadership, be mindful of your baggage. Hmm. Because it's easy to pass it on and that's where that whole self-awareness piece is hugely important. There's so much psychological stuff that goes on that we just have no clue how it's impacting. We might think, I want X, Y and a Z, but we behave in a completely different way and then we're surprised when we don't get the results we need. Yeah, treat people as you want to be treated. and yeah and and lead with love and kindness. I have a quote at the beginning of the book and I always say it and it was from my son when he was four years old backing into the driveway and he said to me: "It's all about love mom you just have to fill your heart with love". And I would think if you're going to be a leader in the world that's what you need to do. much in the book about purpose, I think, of it, and it's base of leadership to know who you are. I wonder, what gives you purpose and meaning in life? think I know the answer already, but I would like you to hear... what is your purpose and meaning? What is your why, that gives you motivation for what you do? And I think when you do things with joy, that's great, because you want to get up every day. I think when you, for me, it's being able to be creative. I find this work really enables me to create stuff, new stuff, to try out things, be experimental with stuff. If you're trying out a new bit of a module or even just writing a book. I'm not saying that was my favourite thing to do. I didn't set out to write a book, you know, two years ago. But I actually think when you can see that there's a need and you can do something about that, that's a really good feeling and that's motivating and it's hard. But when you do it, you feel great because you think, I've managed to do that. And also for me, I've shown my children what they're capable of. You know, we can all create and... And when people say, I'm not creative, I go, well, no, just go back to when you were two and three and you were. You've just learned a story that you're not. And we need to be more creative than ever now because, you know, the machines are here. They'll do all the stuff that, you know, they'll do the number crunching. They'll do all the logical, rational data gathering stuff. We need to get creative and we're all born creative. We just need to be able to nurture that. So I feel really blessed, that I can be creative in the work I do and meet amazing people along the way. Yeah, good. Thank you. Another question I would like to touch upon, and it's this, about work-life balance. Many they work a lot and they forget family life and so on. And how do you solve that? I mean, how do you combine leadership of yourself and other people and yeah, and just to carry family life? I just think I always have. Way back when, when I had my first kid and I knew that I didn't want to traipse into London five days a week and never see him, I always knew that that balance was super important because I know that if I don't have well-being, I can't perform. And if I'm working 24-7 and I don't see my kids, I won't have well-being. And if they're unhappy, I won't have well-being. So I think that's something I've always been aware of. It's not to say that I can't work late or that I don't enjoy to work late, but I definitely try and make time for them. Because these days will go so fast. They're gone before you know it. And then they're up and gone. As they always say, she worked hard on her gravestone. That's not the legacy you want to leave, is it? I think it's you make a difference. And I don't have a problem with hard work. I think sometimes too when you like what you do, it's so much easier to work hard, you know, but I also, I live what I preach. I have loads of tools and techniques about calming things down. You know, I'm very good at maintaining stress and anxiety. I'm very good at being present. I'm very good at not beating myself up because I think I should be doing, you know, this, that and the other. I do my best and I meditate, I walk, I try and have fun and I'm very focused on the balance. I could be in a corporate job. I could have stayed in that world and there's nothing wrong with that world. I think it's all about what you do and who you work with and what you're creating. I don't judge anyone wherever they are, but... For me, I've always known when I've had kids I had to find balance because I'd just be worn out. And I don't serve anyone when I do that. Thank you, thank you so much. I wonder, is there anything that you think we have missed so far to talk about that you would like to bring up as well, Emer? No, I think I did send you something for your listeners, didn't I, which was a difficult conversations guide that you all wanted. I will add that link to the description of the video. below this video you will find the link to this guide. Yes, I think it's really important because it's often things that we avoid in our lives and it's just a five step, very simple guide that's super effective. yeah. Hi, if you want to get in contact with Emer O'Donnell, you find her on LinkedIn, Emer O'Donnel. You can get in contact with her work on the website for teenreconnect, and you find the link in the description under this video or recording. Here you also find the link to the resource Emer just mentioned, a guide how to handle difficult conversations with your teenager. Her book "Understanding Teen Stress and Anxiety" is available on Amazon. Well, thank you. Thank you for being part of this podcast, Emer. It's been a joy and yeah, a pleasure learn more of you and also to just in the preparation of this podcast, I got to know you a bit better. So it's been really a blessing for me too. Thank you so much. Than you for your time and for your interest and I wish you every success with your podcast too. Thank you, thank you. Dear viewers and listeners, thank you for being with us today. and listeners on Spotify or YouTube or elsewhere. My name is David Dahlén D'Cruz. This is the Life Leadership Podcast. Thank you for listening and welcome back next time. And until then, bye bye.