S1 Episode 18- Marisa Gadway

🌸 Kicking off our month honoring amazing mothers this Monday! 🌸

GUIDED BY FAITH
We are so excited to welcome Marisa Gadway to the podcast 💙 

Marisa is an inspiring author, devoted mother of 3, and proud autism mom. As a mother raising a child on the spectrum, she shares how faith keeps her strong through every challenge and triumph.

Her story is filled with love, strength, perseverance, and inspiration — and we can’t wait for you to hear it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Hey everyone, welcome back to mom's raising the spectrum. We're so excited to have you here with us today. We have a really special guest joining us, someone who brings such a real and powerful perspective as a mom navigating this journey. I am going to let Amy introduce her and share how they're connected.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Hi everyone. Welcome. Uh like MJ said, we have another wonderful guest with us. I know Marissa from when she lived here in Arizona. We went to the same church and so glad to have you here with us. Let you give yourself a little introduction a little bit further about yourself and your family.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Okay. Um I'm Marissa. So hello. Um, as Amy said, we did know each other. We went to the same church um in Phoenix, um, but my family moved to Nebraska. Um, my husband is originally from here, so I'm in a rural part of Nebraska and in the Panhandle. Um and at that time I just had two sons. Um now I have a daughter, she's six. Um, but my middle child, my youngest son, is on the spectrum. He is what they would classify as um moderate, uh nonverbal, autistic. Um, and it has presented some challenges, but some great blessings as well. Um, I don't think that any of us who do have children on the spectrum would say, you know, it's it's an unexpected blessing because you learned so much and you're actually teaching us, you know, by just them being themselves, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Exactly. I like that. I like that, the unexpected blessing. I like that. All right. Well, we're gonna um dive on in and ask you some questions and get to know a little bit more about your journey with him and as a family and as yourself.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Yeah. Let me start with your son Noah. Uh, when was Noah diagnosed, and what led you to start like seeking the answers for that?

SPEAKER_02 2:24

So um, I call him Mr. Noah because essentially he is a grouchy little old man stuck inside a little boy's body. Um, his personality, I mean, he loves fishing, he loves reading, uh, he loves books, and he does not like um loud, obnoxious kids. He will actually run them off of our lawn. That is that's just you're kidding!

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Oh my god, that's so cute!

SPEAKER_02 2:51

So I'm it fits him. So I've called him Mr. Noah ever since he was about maybe two, two or three years old.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Oh my gosh, that's so cute.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Oh but um, anyways, to answer um the question, he was four years old when he was diagnosed officially. Um, so what happened was um when he was about six months to about a year old, I noticed he wasn't babbling, he wasn't crawling, um, he would avoid eye contact. Um, and I noticed that certain environments made him very cranky. But, you know, being a mom, I thought, well, okay, maybe he's just teething, you know, he's just hungry, you know, I did all the basic things that a mom would think, you know. Um, and then um he got chronic ear infections. So then our pediatrician said, well, once we um put the tubes in his ear, um his hearing will improve and maybe speech will follow and he'll become more coordinated and all that stuff. Um, so I left it at that. Um and then I started noticing shortly after his first birthday, there was more distinct developmental delays. Um, I mentioned he was avoiding eye contact even more. Um instead of interacting with his toys, interactive play, he would line up his toys, um, he would categorize them, you know. Um he really didn't want to be with other children. I mean, he would play next to them, but he would never interact with them. Um, and then he was always very um intently focused, um, so much to the point where I told my husband, I think maybe we have a deaf child.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Oh, right. Yeah, that's kind of what your first pops in your head, right? You think, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:59

Yeah. So I was like, I don't know. Um, and then we took him to an audiologist um just to see if sound was registering, and it was. And um, the audiologist he said, you know, I have a child that has similar traits, um, and he's autistic. Um, I'm pretty sure that this is what this is, but I'm not a doctor, I'm just an audiologist.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

So how did he do with did when they did that test? Did they have to put the thing like the probes in his ears?

SPEAKER_02 5:30

Thankfully, no. Um, they put him in like um a sound booth.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Um yeah, that's what they did with Jackson too. He probably wouldn't have let them do it, huh?

SPEAKER_02 5:42

No, they they tried.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Yeah, it's a no-go, huh?

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Yeah, he was moved. So I said try the sound booth.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

So it had to be sedated. Yeah, I was like not having it.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Yeah, when when I heard about the sound, was that Marissa? Did you have that done here in Arizona when you were here?

SPEAKER_02 6:06

Uh no, we we moved to Nebraska. Um, Michael was a year and a half. Okay, I thought so. I couldn't remember when that was.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Yeah. I'm glad to hear they had that sound booth option too, because that really helps because it's a great way to you know indicate because they uh MJ, I don't know if you know what we're talking about, but they have like a booth and they have different things around the room that make sound and movement, and they look for the kid to like hear it and look at what's going on. Is that what they did? Yep, that's exactly what they did. That's what Jackson has to do every two years for his audiology test because there's there's no way those probes, uh-uh, not gonna happen. Anywho, continue.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

So then um, I was already working with an agency called the ESU 13 for Michael because he um I could tell he was trying to form words and I could tell that he was trying to make sentences, but it was kind of um for for a better example, um, it it kind of sounded like Snoopy, you know, just kind of I could kind of make out what he was saying, but um, one of the ladies at our church um she said, you know, you should have him um evaluated. Um, so he had um a very successful time there. Uh within six months, he was forming small sentences and words. So he transitioned out of um the agency and he was fine. So naturally, I assumed initially that was going to be the case with Noah, um, but that was not the case. So then they said, well, we'll try some more um early intervention, we'll do um speech therapy, obviously, um, some occupational therapy. Um, they did kind of like a version of ABA therapy um war tears, but it wasn't quite ABA therapy. If I could categorize it, it was like a ABA pre-ABA therapy.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Wow, okay. Because he was like two, two and a half at that time. So he wasn't quite preschool age, but he was there. Um, so then um I enrolled him in preschool um along with Michael because they're only 16 months apart. So um we continued working with the agency. Um, their approach was to provide support and observe over time rather than just immediately diagnose him as being on the spectrum. Um, so even before receiving the formal diagnosis um at the end of preschool, he was already receiving those services, um, speech, ABA therapy, occupational therapy, ABA therapy.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

So um when he was in um the preschool, was it regular preschool or like a developmental preschool?

SPEAKER_02 9:09

It was regular preschool, but um, I had both of my boys in Head Start.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Um yeah. Okay, that's good. And they were together in the same class or no? Oh no, no, no, because they're 16 months apart, so they were just like a grade, a grade apart. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

So um, yeah, um, at the end of the year he was diagnosed um through their through the team, um moderate, nonverbal autistic. And I was devastated. I really was. I thought this is the beginning of the end. How's he gonna do anything?

SPEAKER_00 9:49

Yeah, um so much goes through your mind when you hear that diagnosis, huh?

SPEAKER_02 9:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

You know, um so especially when your kiddos non-verbal, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Right, exactly. So yeah. Um I came home, I told my husband, I said, okay, um I got back from the meeting and he's autistic. And I cried. I said, I said, what are we gonna do? I mean, you know, and my husband was like, well, there's nothing else we can do, we just gotta do a learning curve and be patient with him, be patient with us, you know. But my husband believed, well, with enough training, he'll he'll outgrow it. But I had done enough research because I'm just such a book nerd. I said, no, this is something that he's gonna outgrow. It's not something that, you know, I mean, it might be more manageable over time, but this is a lifelong thing.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I know I remember hearing that. I think it was my father-in-law who passed away, and maybe a few other people. They're like, Oh, he'll outgrow it, he'll outgrow it. And I'm like, I don't think autism is something you outgrow. You just they just learn how to uh you know grow and develop with these struggles and how to handle them. It's not really a thing you outgrow.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Right.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

So yeah, but um looking back though, that process required a lot of patience and trust and you know, researching. Um, obviously it wasn't immediate, but um, that agency allowed us to build a strong support system for him even early on. So that that helped a lot.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

That's good. That's good that you had that agency there, um, you know, to be a good support for you and you know, be like through that process of getting diagnosed. And do you feel like they um after the after you heard the words like they gave you the diagnosis, did they just leave you empty-handed, or do you feel like they gave you some good resources like for your next steps?

SPEAKER_02 12:06

They gave us excellent resources, awesome. They continued, they actually advocated for us with our insurance, and Noah has additional services through the hospital here, so yeah, he's been he's had great support from the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Wow, that's a blessing, man. Wow, yeah. I know they'll talk about the way, you know, and I feel the same way. Like Jackson had some good resources, but also I was familiar with autism and ABA through working through it. So I already kind of knew, like God already set me up with those. But you know, sometimes it's not like that for every mom or dad. It's like you hear it and then they just feed you to the wolves, like, okay, go. So, you know, you just it's it's so hard. But I think some places are starting to get better at like, okay, we're giving you this diagnosis, not just here's a bunch of paperwork, be on your way. You know, luckily I'm starting to feel and hear that that's a little bit, you know, getting better at that, right? That's the hardest thing.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

And did you get the diagnosis out there or in Arizona?

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Nope, um, out here. Up here.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Because he was six months old when we moved here to Nebraska.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

Okay, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

And then you so your older son, Michael, wasn't diagnosed, but he was just a little delayed and then got some services and he progressed.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Yeah, he bounced back perfectly.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Oh, that's good. Okay. Um, well, let's see. Um, you answered some of our questions already. Look at the baby.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

Like a little one.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

I like it. Um, Andrey, we'll just go into like the services and and like school. So I'll let you start with that first question. I think she even answered that. A little bit, yeah. So here, I'll kind of elaborate on this. So once you got that diagnosis, uh, what did you do next for him? Did you um know, like, okay, he needs to get this done, or like what were your next steps that you were taking after you got the diagnosis for him?

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Well, the next step was um because he was transitioning from preschool to kindergarten. So the team did their best before the school year to start with an IEP, work with him during the summer, saying, okay, this is our next step. This is what we're gonna do. We're gonna make sure that the teachers know this is the accommodations that are needed. I mean, they really do their homework. And things that I didn't know because, you know, this was new to me. I'm like, what is this? What is that? You know, and they answered our questions. Um, well, they answered my questions because Chris was working.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

But you know, they gave me good feedback and they actually gave me emotional support because um as a mom, I thought, oh gosh, you know, was it something that I did in the womb?

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Was it oh yes, we always have that mom guilt.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

You know, was I um because with my son Michael, when I was pregnant with him, um, I craved nothing but mashed potatoes and vegetables. Okay. And then with Noah, I had burgers, french fries, and milkshakes. That's what I crave. So I thought, well, maybe if I would have just forced myself to be healthier, maybe if I did this better, if I did that better, you know, and they're like, no, no, no. And then um, they're saying, well, maybe it's genetic. And I thought, well, there's nobody on my family, you know, that that's on the spectrum or even close.

SPEAKER_05 15:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

Um, but the more I did research and the more I started observing, I noticed there's some traits that my husband has because he's a computer IT by trade. So I started noticing some similarities between those two. And I'm just like, hmm, you know, yep.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Same process over here. And when I worked in ABA uh in Wisconsin, um, I did a lot of learning and all that stuff, and it was a lot of things were coming up that was more of a genetic kind of thing, and not really this causation of things. It's just really a a trait from someone in the family, you know?

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, yeah. And it's just it's so crazy, like, you know, um, you never know, like your firstborn isn't, but then your middle child is, and your daughter isn't, right? No, she's not. So you just yeah, you just never, you just never know. And it's not what you did one thing during your pregnancy versus another. Um it's a lot of misconceptions, but that's what us moms always think, right? When we're we hear that, like, oh my god, did I not uh teach him enough when he was one or two? You know, those things just pop in your head. And I'm sure if you had a child already, you're probably like, did I pay too much attention to my other child and not this one? And that's what like I can't imagine him being your second and all those things going through your head as well, because MJ and I both I know my first, my only child, Jackson, and Kai's her firstborn, so we don't have someone, a child older than them to really kind of be like, oh no, what did I do different?

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Right. To and then with Noah um being so laid back, even as a baby, like you know, those bouncers that she put in the doorway, um, he would never bounce, he would never engage. We always had to kind of like be like a little bell hop and be like, okay, jump, jump, jump, you know, yeah, yeah. You know, but I thought, okay, well, maybe he's just a layback person. Okay, Michael's the social butterfly and he's the introvert. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Yeah. And that could be a little bit of it too, you know, like some autistic kids, like my son, he Jackson, he craves the like craziness, the jumping and all that. And then some don't. They're a little bit more like into technology, you know, like it we all have our own personalities too. So it's hard when they're little like that. You just you don't know, right? You're like, it could be the personality, it could be a mixture of both. Yeah. Um, let's see here. So you already talked about early intervention services. That's awesome that you had. You said he had speech, O D P T and ABA. Oh, yeah, PT. So what I was always curious with that, like what did they do for him for physical therapy? Do they you feel like he didn't like move his legs and arms like the right way? What was that for?

SPEAKER_02 19:19

Well, so with him, balance was very tricky. He could not balance, he was not very well coordinated. Okay, and we have stairs um, because we have basements um in Nebraska. And for the tornadoes, huh? Yep. So now they don't usually when you go down the steps, you alternate feet, right? Right. He would not, he would go one step and then down, one step and then down, and it was always the same foot. He would always lead with the same foot. So that's what they helped him with OT. And um, even to this day, like the way he holds a pencil, it's like he goes like this sometimes, and they're trying to get him to go like that, yeah. Coordination, you know. Yeah, and just to be more intentional, like with coloring or writing, you know, take your time, don't just go like, you know, and then you're done with it.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Right. Yeah, I was wondering, you know, I think looking back, I noticed Jackson did that too with stairs. Um, luckily, my mother-in-law uh lived in an apartment upstairs. So uh I think after time he just finally picked it up like watching us. Um but I I remember them always asking me, Do you feel like he needs PT? Do you feel like he needs PT? And me thinking like from like working with the seniors, I'm like, no, he's fine. But looking back, I'm like, oh, maybe I should have done a little bit of it, but like he's okay now. Do you is he still getting it or um PT or just OT? Um, no, he is.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

He is. Now that he's older, he's nine now. So they're doing more like, okay, let's kick the soccer ball, you know, with different feet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

See, I think Jackson needs that because he doesn't know how to play with, you know, like football's any type of like you know, sports equipment. Can I wonder they so they do that for PT? They like work with him on hand-eye coordination and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Uh-huh. Yeah. And they even do that um this that thing with him, you know. Yeah, then the PT, they call it Officer Ug.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

So like, uh, uh wow, you just made me kind of think, okay, because you know, um our you know, we have out here D D. Um, do you guys have? Something equivalent to that, like uh where the state covers and pays for like speech OT and PT?

SPEAKER_02 22:06

Yes, we definitely do. In fact, um I don't remember where I read it, but I think in like early 2000s when autism was becoming like a real like concern, more of a concern. Um, the state of Nebraska actually mandated that all autism therapy be covered. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Wow. That is awesome.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

And that's which was the agency we went through. So yeah, they have their own team, they have their own professionals that they hire. And you know, it's it's a wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

I wish Arizona would do that because you know, I don't know if you've heard in the news out here that there's been all kinds of stuff going on. And I wonder if it's just because Arizona's so big and there's so many kids here. I feel like that are on the spectrum. But I mean, it shouldn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

It shouldn't. Not at all. No, not at all.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

And if it weren't for tornadoes in the cold, I'd be kind of yeah, I will pass.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

You do get used to it after a while.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

That's true. I did live in Wisconsin for a little bit, and that was cold.

SPEAKER_03 23:30

Like I would be walking around looking like the Michelin man, like I get cold so easy. You would just say like this of MJ. Exactly. It's like I should just stay where I'm at.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Fair enough. Well, um, yeah, completely for other parents uh navigating the system, what would you want them to know?

SPEAKER_02 23:59

Hmm. Like um the autism spectrum, or like or just in general?

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Like navigating the whole getting your son or your child diagnosed and that whole process. Um what would you yeah, what would you uh give them encouragement? Like what some words of encouragement you would give to other parents going through this diagnosis?

SPEAKER_02 24:29

You know, that's that's actually really good. I think one of the biggest things I think is um just seeing a deeper understanding of the flexibility that you um are going to need. Um like uh there's a deeper understanding of like flexibility and stuff like that, um, especially for new families, especially when we get the diagnosis, um, navigating the everyday environments. Um, I will say this, you're never bored. It's an adventure with no roadmap. You kind of build as you go.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

So true. So true.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Not every journey is the same. So what I experienced is um it doesn't show up the same every every day um for Mr. Noah. Um, which well, even those of us that aren't on the spectrum, I mean we have our good days, we have our bad days, we have our tiny days, we we have our days when everything's great and all is good. So um I also think um sometimes people on the outside who don't navigate this, um, they have unrealistic expectations of parents perspective because they're not in the day-to-day. Um so get yourself support and don't worry about um you know what other people think because they don't know, they're not in your shoes. If they were, um, they would probably have more understanding. Um, but definitely talk to somebody, you know, get resources, even form your own support group, um, you know, and read, read, read, read what you can that's out there. Uh Temple Grandin, she's a great resource that I use. Um, in fact, my old social worker friend, she introduced me when I when I went on Facebook and I'm like, he got diagnosed with autism. What are you gonna do? She goes, Oh, she's an advocate, she does this, she does that, and so our goals to try and get her on someday.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Yeah, I got maybe one day, maybe one day that'd be amazing, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:01

And also be patient with yourself because you know, at the end of the day, um, being a parent, regardless, autism, not autism, we just do the best we can with what we have. Um, you know, a little bit of grace for ourselves um and understanding is it it goes a long way. So, you know, just be kind to yourself, you know, it's like that. It's okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

It's very important, very important. Oh, I did want to ask you. So um he's in public school now, still, right?

SPEAKER_04 27:35

Yes, he is.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

How's that going for him? Do you feel like there's any struggles with uh him still having that like speech delay and the other kids and the teachers? How's that all going for you?

SPEAKER_02 27:51

Well, honestly, um, because we've had that support early on, and I I live in a rural town. Um, my my town is 6,000 people. Okay, that's you guys. Classrooms are small, right? And I got 6,000. So so um not having that city stimulation helps him by far. Um, and also we've been here about 10 years, so people know, okay, that's Noah, you know, he's a little different, it's okay, you know. Um, but also um I admire this about Noah. He's actually taught me this um a lot because I tend to be a people pleaser. I want to get along with everybody, you know. Um, but you know, so I don't always take rejection well, but him, he could care less. I mean, he really could. In fact, um one time um we were at the park and he's building speech a little bit, and I said, Noah, you know, he was he was doing something and he was making some of the other kids uncomfortable um because of the stimulation, they were you know playing tag or something. And I said, Noah, you're you're making, you know, you're kind of making them uncomfortable. Just give them space, please. And he goes, and he looked at them, he looked at me, and he looked at them, and then he was like, their choice.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

So Noah, touche, that's awesome! Look at him, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

So, I mean, you know, and you know, you I couldn't argue with him, you know. Yeah, that is their choice to be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

I mean they could go somewhere else, you know, go play somewhere else. That's one thing with like individuals on the spectrum is just like they're just like, but whatever, like they tell it like it is, that's for sure, huh? Yeah, so um I love it. That's good. So he's uh school, like the teachers, everything like is going good, no, like no concerns because you know, out here I hear so many horror stories of kids going to public school, and that's why we decided not to go that route with Jackson. But you know, you hear those like challenges of them not understanding their the teachers understanding their meltdowns, the other kids understanding. And so you feel like everyone's pretty understanding and he's he's doing well there.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

Yes, and um, I have a friend of mine, she just finished um certification for substitute teaching, and she said part of the curriculum is understanding special needs children. So um, yeah, I would say Nebraska is really ahead of the game in in that in that more in Arizona. Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

I mean, they're just I feel like it's just there's so many schools, so many teachers, so many kids, but it's like they just take the time, and even our special needs classrooms, it's like, how well are they really educated? You know, or I say this a lot that some of them are in it but really don't have the heart, so they don't go above and beyond and learn a little bit more on their own. Because their basic learning is not enough.

SPEAKER_02 31:17

Well, and thankfully, uh, this year, Noah's um third grade teacher, she was a special ed teacher before she was a regular teacher. So when they did that by design, so I was like, okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Thank goodness so many blessings, so many blessings for you guys. That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

Yes, yes, God gave us what we needed when we when we needed it, so for sure.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

That's right. Well, we'll dip into talking more about your family. Okay, okay, I'll let you take it away.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Yes, you said you also have two other kids. Did you want to tell us a little bit more about your family?

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Absolutely. I love talking about my kids. I do. So overall, um they love Noah and he loves them in their own in his own way, and they love him. Um, they've always had a very strong loving relationship. Um, because like I said, uh Michael and Noah, they're they're 16 months apart. So it was like having twins, really.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Yeah. What do they call it Irish twins? Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

And they're always very intentional about including each other. Um, like if Michael and Mary get to have a treat somewhere, they make sure to bring something for their brother Noah. Or if Noah gets like a sticker or a candy from someplace, he'll grab extras for them and he'll say, Full Michael and Mayui. So I'm like, Oh, that is so sweet of you, you know.

SPEAKER_04 32:59

I love it.

SPEAKER_02 33:00

Um we praise them. We're like, Oh, it's so good that you guys think of each other because a lot of siblings they don't, they just go, Oh, you know. You're adolescent, sorry. Oh, you know, but like, you know, but like any other um siblings, you know, they have their moments. Um, sometimes they get on each other's nerves, and um Chris and we have to step in occasionally and kind of help Noah navigate um the social interactions and just remind all of them, okay. Well, everybody responds differently. It's okay, you know, Noah's different. We all know that, you know, but it's okay. Um, one thing that's one memory that stood out to me was um we were driving um just to go to another town for the day. Uh we go to another town for fun.

SPEAKER_01 33:50

That's that's how rule we are. You gotta explore, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Exactly. So um Mr. Noah brought um his book, Curious George, that's like one of his favorite characters, and Mary asked him innocently in the back seat. She said, Is that a good book? And Noah responded, Mary, you nosy. And I I felt I I wanted to laugh, but I could see in her face, you know, that her feelings were really hurt, you know, because she didn't understand what she did wrong. So um it took it took us quite a few minutes to just reassure her, you know, she didn't say anything wrong. It's just sometimes Noah prefers his space and he doesn't want to be bothered. So, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

So yeah, it's hard when she's younger to understand that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:47

Yeah. And then, you know, to understand um each other's differences, um, and still showing love and respect towards each other. Um, and um I was remembering um a book called The Birth Order. Oh gosh, I forget who the author you've heard of it, MJ?

SPEAKER_00 35:10

Kevin Lehman. Yeah, yeah, I'm not a book creator, not you two are, not me.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

It's by Kevin Lehman. He talks about how the middle child is often left out, but in my case, I mean, no prefers to be left out. He could, as I said, he really could care less. He likes his space, so um, Mary and Michael have a unique um relationship. So, and they all look out for each other. Um, and I love that.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

Yeah, oh, that's wonderful. Um what are some things that they like to do together, like for fun? Do they like to uh like you said, Noah likes to go fishing? Do they like to go fishing with him, or what are some things they do together for fun?

SPEAKER_02 35:57

Um, well, we do like to go camping um as a family because I uh, you know, there's too much information out there and there's too much temptation to just go do do do do do. So on the video game. So we we try to get out and explore as much as we can. Um, there's a lot of trails out here that we can walk. Um, they ride their bikes together. And another thing that they really like to do, I don't, but they do. Um, they love arts, arts and crafts. That's all thing, all of them.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

Like what do they do? Draw or do they like put like cut things out and put things together? What do they like to do?

SPEAKER_02 36:37

Cutting, painting, anything messy art, that is what they love. I I do not. I that's funny, that's cute.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

I'm like, can't you guys just read a book? It's less messy.

SPEAKER_03 36:54

Yeah, I like these science experiments and anything that makes a mess. Yeah, yeah. Or noise.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Or noise. There you go. Hey, I have a question for you, Marissa. So no one knows how to ride a bike. You said they like to ride a bike together.

SPEAKER_03 37:12

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

How is that important? I know because I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna get Jackson to learn how to ride a bike. How was that challenging?

SPEAKER_02 37:23

It was, it was in the beginning. Um, but we um we accommodate him with training wheels. Um, even though he has a big boy bike, right? Um, we we put training wheels on him because that's just how he's gonna ride a bike.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

I mean, he's never did he understand the concept of like because like I can't get Jackson to understand that concept.

SPEAKER_02 37:46

Yes, yes, he did. Um, and I think um kind of like with Jackson watching you walk up and down the stairs, I think he saw Michael and Mary go like this on the bike, so he just kind of put two and two together his online because how old was he when he learned? Oh gosh, he was about five, five or six years old. Okay, but he's kind of like a big boy version of a tricycle.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

I see I think that's what we want to try with Jackson first, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:19

Struggles with the but still do the pushing, that yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

Yeah, and then you know, um, and that's something, you know, if I get Jackson into physical therapy, that would probably help him with that process. And um, I don't know if you saw we had a gentleman on our podcast um who does adaptive exercise. Um I'm looking into that too to you know see if that can help him with coordination of those types of movements because it's people don't realize how much more challenging it is for kiddos on the spectrum to learn those kinds of things.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

Yes, it is. It can be a challenge, and they've been working with him, like I said, since he was two.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Wow, things and so now he rides a bike like a pro, or he does, like I said, with training wheels, but yeah, he's he's still with the trailing wheel.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

Heck, hey, as long as he can get going, right? That's what we said.

SPEAKER_02 39:17

We're like, hey, he's doing it, but he does it his way, and hey, that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

That's right. I love it. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 39:26

And what does a typical family day look like for you guys?

SPEAKER_02 39:32

Oh, it can be anything. Um, sometimes we like to stay at home because uh Nebraska weather is very unpredictable, as I said. It's it'll be rainy and windy, and then sometimes it's sunny. So we do a lot of indoor stuff. Um, we watch movies sometime together. Um reading is definitely in our family. Um, Noah will even look at a book by himself. I mean, he likes reading and pointing at the words, you know, what they mean. So um art for sure.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

Um do your kiddos have a do your kiddos have like a favorite movie that they like to watch together?

SPEAKER_02 40:19

No, they're they're all over the place.

SPEAKER_00 40:20

All over. There's so many good ones, huh?

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Yeah, but we try to make it to where everybody gets to have something that they enjoy. Like we tell Mary, okay, well, you're the only girl here, so we gotta limit the princess movies and let's give something everybody likes, like Yogi Bear or you know, like that.

SPEAKER_00 40:45

Yeah. Do you and do you and Mary like do some girly stuff together when she wants that girly girly interactions?

SPEAKER_02 40:53

Sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 40:53

Yeah. Let's say she's got a mom, right? It's hard when we have two boy, two brothers.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

Um but also too, I have to say, well, you know, because she if I let her, she would be attached to my hips. So I'm I'm in that stage with her where she has to learn to be uh independent, you know, and not need mommy all the time. But we'll we'll get there.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

Yeah, that's that's kind of where we're at with Jackson now, because he depended on us for so long for you know during treatment. So it's like now we're like, okay, you know, he's starting to, but that's hard, especially when you just want to love them so much. But you're like, no, you're getting older, you're growing up.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

Yeah, not with Kai. He's just like, bye.

SPEAKER_01 41:42

Peace, mom.

SPEAKER_03 41:43

It's like I'll call you when I need something. Like, just love me.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

Like I feel like that's how it is with boys after a while, though, huh? They're like, I don't want those kisses anymore. And you're like, no.

SPEAKER_02 42:05

And he's like, Mom, like, sorry. Mr. Cool, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Oh, that's too funny. Gosh, man, these boys, they're gonna grow up and not want our kisses and hugs anymore.

SPEAKER_03 42:23

I know it's like we go from mommy to dude. Like, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

All right. Well, let's I love that the three of us are both are all um really, you know, strong in our faith, and uh, we trust in the Lord for guidance on our journeys. And so I love that you're on here and we can talk about that. Um, me too. Yeah, MJ, I'll let you ask the next question.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

Yes, yes. Um, have you ever experienced any challenges attending church with Noah when it comes to taking our kids places? There's just certain places that are more tough than others to navigate.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

Yeah. Well, I thankfully, like I said, I'm in a rural place, so our churches are pretty small, anyways.

SPEAKER_04 43:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

Um, but if Noah is going through a bad day at church, um, our congregation is pretty small. It's like about maybe 20, 25 people at the most.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

Yeah. Uh little small family group, right?

SPEAKER_02 43:45

And we've been in our church for so long that everybody they know Mr. Noah. They know how he is. They even call him Mr. Noah.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

They call him. I was just gonna ask. I love him.

SPEAKER_02 43:56

And Chris and I, we've always um Taught him if for any reason he feels overstimulated or overwhelmed, you know, he can always um go downstairs to the basement to one of the kids' classrooms, um where he can just have a quiet moment, regroup, or um if he tells us, um, he will go out to our van and just kind of decompress in there, get himself together, and then when he's ready, he usually comes back in. Um, but we also I also give him my smartphone so he can watch TV or play a video game um during the service, and he knows to keep it quiet too.

SPEAKER_04 44:37

So that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 44:39

He usually just hangs out in the back of the church or he goes in the basement.

SPEAKER_00 44:42

That's those are just too much. So do do they not have like a special needs like uh because it's so small, they probably don't have like a special needs classroom. And he doesn't participate like in the kids' classes, or is that just too much for him?

SPEAKER_02 44:59

No, it's too much for him. Yeah, it's too much, and um yeah, it's just um I think it's because also of the colors. The thing the classroom is very colorful, it's got those primary, you know, the yellows and the red.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

That can be a little too much for kids on the spectrum, yeah. Either they like it or they don't, you know.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

Yeah, he took one look in there. I remember and he was like, ah, and then he walked away. I was like, You is something wrong? And he goes, Too much. I'm like, Oh much, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:35

Yeah, and that just shows like how different why it's a spectrum because some kids on the spectrum could be like you know, amazed and and and and fixated on it, and some are like, oh my god, no, that's just too I can't handle it, you know. Yeah, and we praised him for you know, at least trying, you know, and knowing his he advocated for himself in that moment, you know, exactly. He realized it. That's awesome. Does he like the word like worship? Does he like the music when they sing and stuff like that? Or uh sometimes he'll sway, you know.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

Yeah, that no, he would prefer that there'd be no singing.

unknown 46:15

Right.

SPEAKER_00 46:16

Does he wear does he wear any noise-canceling headphones like when you guys are out and about at all?

SPEAKER_02 46:22

Um, no, at school he does. Um with us, for some reason, he's just like, nah, we even got him those same kind that they use at the school, and he was just like, no, like at school, there's all the different commotions.

SPEAKER_00 46:37

It probably helps uh drown drown that out. But with you guys, he probably is just so used to, you know, you guys as a family that he doesn't really need it.

SPEAKER_04 46:47

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

Yeah. Jackson uses them sometimes at home, not so much either. But if like we have um like my parents over and all of us are like talking and you know, like laughing and doing stuff, he'll go and put them on because we're like being too loud for him. We're like, oh, sorry, bud, we're getting a little too crazy. Well, that's good that you know you feel like it's a good safe space for him that he doesn't try to, you know, leave. Um, he can just go regroup and then come back. That's wonderful to have, you know, for sure. And you is the same church that you've been at since you moved there.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

Uh no, we went to um a bigger one, the what they call the big church. But um no, um it just became not a good fit for us. And then our church um came to town. Um, it was fairly new. Um, they were meeting at the shelter house at the park um at first, and then they got a building um on the north side of town.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

So yeah. Yeah, you know, and those, you know, it all depends. Like MJ goes to a bigger church and it's perfect for Kai, and then we go, you know, still go to reunion, which is a little bit smaller and it's perfect for Jackson. And yours is probably even smaller than reunion, which is probably perfect for you guys. So all three sizes, probably this just goes to show you can find find the right fit for your family, right?

SPEAKER_03 48:23

For sure. Yeah, you don't have to say even though it is a big church, the special needs classrooms are still so small, and there's like one aid for every child, like it's amazing. Yeah, it's so amazing. Like, yeah, it doesn't feel as big as it actually is, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:50

Yeah. All right, MJ, I'll let you ask uh the next one.

SPEAKER_03 48:58

Let's see. Uh, how has your faith supported you personally through this journey?

SPEAKER_02 49:04

Oh goodness. How much time do we have? Um put it, I guess, simply and shortly as I can. Um, faith has really been my anchor. Um, it gives helps keep me grounded and it gives me wisdom, discernment, and situations that can change very rapidly and sometimes in unpredictable ways. You know what I mean? Because it can change literally, like you know, one minute to the next. Um, but one scripture that has stayed with me um is Proverbs 15:1, which it says, um, a soft answer turns away wrath, but the harsh words stir up anger. So that verse has definitely shaped how I communicate, um, especially with my family and in my household. Uh over time, um I've had to really become very intentional with my words and my tone, my approach, my demeanor, my the types of conversations that I have, um, whether it's with my son Noah, um, who's on the spectrum, of course, um, and my husband, um, gosh, 25 years ago before we ever met, he had a traumatic brain injury. So that's right. Navigate that because even though it's a different way the brain functions because of the damage that was done, yeah. I still have to be careful with that. Well, not be careful, but more intentional about how I raise things. And then I have my father who has um dementia, and we're navigating that and it's progressed to Alzheimer's. So um, yeah, I often say I'm interacting with three different kinds of minds. Yes. And learn um how to navigate that, and also to realize um it wouldn't be fair or realistic of me to expect them to process things the same way that I do. So that shift in perspective was very big for me um in my faith. And um instead of interpreting certain actions as intentional or personal, I've had to um rely on the Lord with wisdom and strength to understand them better in the context of where each of them are at cognitively and emotionally sometimes. And now that doesn't mean everything that they do is okay, but it does give me that ability and that strength to respond more patiently, and it gives me that clarity and that grace that that I need to give them because yeah, it's not always easy.

SPEAKER_00 51:57

Yeah. I I worked in uh memory care and specializing in dementia Alzheimer's, and I feel like I use a lot of those redirecting techniques and everything I learned there, and I'm like, I can apply that when it comes to autism as well, because it's like you get once you have the understanding of their brain is working differently and it's something they can't control, you have this different respect and empathy and understanding, and God teaches us that.

SPEAKER_02 52:30

Yeah, faith didn't remove the complexity, but it gave me the lens to navigate it with grace and and with mercy.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

So yeah, yeah, we are all given, so why not give it out?

SPEAKER_00 52:44

Yeah, exactly. Beautifully said, I love it.

SPEAKER_03 52:50

Thank you. Yeah, with it being a smaller church, do you guys still have like groups, like meetup groups, like parent groups, or like special needs groups to like community outside of the church?

SPEAKER_02 53:07

Um, unfortunately, because I live in a rural area, there aren't a whole lot of special needs children. Um there's another family, the um the little boy has Down syndrome.

SPEAKER_04 53:20

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:22

And there's maybe a few others that are on the spectrum, but of course, um they're different variations. Um, but it's very hard to get together because it's a farming community mostly because they're so far apart, huh?

unknown 53:40

Right.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

Yeah, yeah. And a work schedule for a farmer looks different than somebody who's in the city and in corporate America. I mean, so it's very hard to get together, but we we do like um potlucks, um, you know, meetups like that. Um yeah, fun.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

So yeah, yeah. Do you guys do like Bible study groups and stuff or no?

SPEAKER_02 54:04

Um, we tried, um, but it's so hard. It is, and I had now so yeah, it's it's hard to get everybody together in one place. And um, last year we were in scouts like that. Um, but this year it was um I said at the beginning of the year we had scouts on Tuesday. Uh, there was a Bible study um meetup at the church with just everybody on Wednesday nights, and then there was little kids' Bible study on Thursday nights. And um it get to it got to where we were doing something almost every night. So I told we're all gonna sit down one activity a week. Yeah, I'm not doing you're not gonna turn me into one of these mothers that's gonna drive all over the all over the county, so you're not bored, no.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

Right. Yeah, when you're when things when you're in a city and things are all so close, it's a little bit different. But when you have to, I've learned now that I live out of out of the city, it's an hour drive to get anywhere, so it's like oof, yeah. So if you have three kids, I can't imagine to try to accommodate it all. It's not easy to I ain't doing it now. And um, in what ways do you feel like your faith has shaped you to become the the mom you are for Noah?

SPEAKER_02 55:37

Well, it's a combination um of things, actually. Um I've had to unlearn a lot of things that yeah, that's a hard one. And same thing with my husband. Um, he's a farm kid through and through. My father-in-law had um livestock too, and very old school, you know.

SPEAKER_03 55:59

You're you're gonna do what it is I tell you to do, kind of kind of yeah, old school for sure.

SPEAKER_02 56:08

And I'm from inner city. My my cross streets were 51st and camelback growing up.

SPEAKER_01 56:13

So yeah, so you're right, right in the city, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

Completely different.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

And it's a rough area, so you know, you're you've got to be tough. And me being small, um, you know, you learn to have a thick skin, and you also learned how to word things in a sarcastic way, but you know, yeah, ways where people don't beat you up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:38

Yes, you have to think before you speak.

unknown 56:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:43

That's right. Yeah, I've had we've had to unlearn a lot of it um with what was done to us because like um traditional uh old school, you know, spanking, you can't do that with an autistic child. It it escalates things.

SPEAKER_00 57:04

Yeah, people don't understand that.

SPEAKER_03 57:06

Yeah, yeah, like it's it's different, it's not the same thing as like what we went through. Like they're actually going through things, and that's only gonna traumatize them.

SPEAKER_00 57:20

They're disciplining an understandos so so different and harder to navigate. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 57:29

You definitely have to have the patience, that's that's for sure. And I love how you said like the unlearning because the way that we even learned the things, it's like instilled in us to where it almost the guilt comes back, yeah. Right, right when you're having to try to do something a different way to bother.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

Oh no, MJ's a tough topic because being black is kind of different in a in a way, so it's like because like you you guys have a different culture of style of yes, teaching your kids and stuff, and I bet yeah, and even in the Hispanic, you know, and the Latin community, I mean, we it's very different from how we raise our children from the Anglos or the Lacks or even the Asians, you know, it's just different. And we've also had to not necessarily accommodate all the kids, but we've had to like say, okay, well, Noah, yeah, he has a little bit more leniency, but there are still some behaviors that are unacceptable, like no hitting, you know, we don't we don't when we're angry, we don't when we're angry. That that those are non-negotiables, yeah. Um, but yeah, we don't we try not to repeat those mistakes, and that's where being intentional comes in, um, and praying together, reading the word together, um, and just really making God the center of our home. Yeah, it wasn't. Um, Amy, you might remember there was a time when I I thought my marriage was over. I was like, I'm I'm I'm out of here. See how it's marriage. Yeah, but we had to realize, you know what, um, let's put God back in the center of our marriage, our home. And then we'll work everything else out.

SPEAKER_00 59:43

Yeah, and I remember our woman's group here just praying for Marissa and her husband, and just like God will help you, and you know, just to see God work in that way uh is amazing to see, you know, you guys are have such a beautiful family, and um, you know, love seeing you the updates, and that's one good thing about Facebook is like you lived in the we could just still see each other's life grow, their kids grow, and you were in Nebraska when Jackson had cancer, and you were still, you know, cut contacting me, praying, and it's just it's amazing that like when you have God in your life and you have these people that you meet throughout your journeys of life that also share the same um relationship with the Lord and how you guys can support each other, and it's beautiful to see.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:41

Okay, you mentioned that you're you're writing a book, which is amazing. So fitting. Yes, so fitting if you're such a writer.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:55

So tell us a little bit about it. What inspired you to decide to write a book?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:01

Well, I believe that every I don't think um anything that we go through should be just for us. You know what I'm saying? I think we should be bold enough to tell our stories because you never know who might benefit from your journey, you know. I mean, you just never know. Yeah. Um, the book I'm writing is a memoir rooted on my personal experiences um as a wife and as a mom. Um, and it centers around raising my son um on the spectrum, but also navigating my life with my husband uh with his traumatic brain injury. Um, and like I said, even though it happened like 20 plus years ago, um I didn't realize it had lasting effects um going through our hard time. Um, but as I began learning more about autism and the brain and um working with Noah, I started to notice similarities um on how he and my husband kind of process and navigate the world, you know. Um and then I realized that many of the tools and approaches that I was learning, kind of like what you were saying, Amy, you know, that you use, like communication, patience, um, understanding the cognitive differences that they have, and they're not mean, they're not trying to be difficult. Um, it's just their brain is not capable of navigating the world at large, like someone who doesn't have those difficulties.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:48

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:49

So all those things um could be applied in my relationship with my husband. Um, and even like I said, my dad, um, as we watch him decline mentally, um, going through uh him not remembering yesterday, but he'll remember way back in the day, um, you know, the good times there. So um, and how that journey uh with the Lord's help, that shift in perspective for me, it it changed everything. So um essentially it's about my personal journey um of that understanding someone else's mind can completely transform how you love them. And like Christ, he meets us where we're at, right? And we need, I think, as wives and as moms, um we can be better stewards of how to do that with our own husbands and our own children.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:54

So yeah, I love it. Well, you kind of answered our other questions. Yeah, let's see. Uh who do you hope it reaches and helps the most?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:13

Well, um obviously um people who have children that are on the spectrum. Um, but initially, I don't think um, like what we've been saying, I don't think those principles and some of those techniques um just apply to on the spectrum um children. Uh it can apply to like TBI or even stroke. Um because the stroke does affect the brain. Um and um just somebody trying to navigate how to love them, meet them where they're at, but also don't lose yourself, because also as a as a caregiver, I like to solve oh yeah, but then you pour out of an empty cup, then you're not benefiting anybody.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:13

No, no, and you know, that's you're gonna resonate with so many other moms or caregivers that feel the exact same way, especially with all that you have on your plate, um, and navigating each person, you know. Um, yeah, I definitely feel like your book is gonna resonate with a lot of people. So proud of you. That's it's not easy. So, where are you at on this journey with your book? Are you just a thought? Are you started writing? I've already written four chapters. Yay! How exciting! Can't wait to hear more about when it's completed and all of that fun stuff. Do you have a name for it yet?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:00

Well, um, I'm kind of tossed between two titles, but the one that's really resonating with me was he helped me through it because we're nothing without ice.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:11

Ooh, I love it. Yeah, that's it. I like it. He, yeah. Yeah. Are you gonna have someone like uh do like pick someone to like an artist to do some artwork in the book? Or what's your vision?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:27

My vision actually is to go through a graphic designer to help me with the um with the cover and the font and all that. Okay. I'm I'm I can kind of be creative, but I just don't have that talent. That is not my talent. My talent is you're like you're like, I can see it, but to put it together, yeah. Exactly. I know what I want to communicate through the picture, but to put it to put it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:59

Um I'm well if you need a graphic designer, uh the girl who's done our logo and everything, she's fantastic. I can always connect you to um she has her own company. So if you're in need of somebody, just let us know.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:12

She's one of our sponsors, so and also there's um, am I gonna go through a Christian publishing company that's like a hybrid company? Or if we'll publish on Amazon?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:26

So that's yeah, there's a lot to think about, huh?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:30

I didn't know how to even think about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:32

Yeah, well, we'll be praying for you know God to answer those questions and lead you the way that it's supposed to happen, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:40

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:43

Do you see yourself uh creating any more like resources or anything?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:49

Uh resources like uh like your book or any anything else, blog, anything like how we see our inspiration was a podcast, some are books, some are blogs, who knows, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:03

Well, ultimately, my goal is hopefully maybe to be an established author. Um, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:11

Oh, that'd be wonderful. This is just the first installation.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

I could see that for you. That would be wonderful. Uh you gotta start somewhere, right? Exactly. So you mentioned, you know, this the book uh and talking, you know, about like advocating for autism and families. Are you involved in any other um aspects of like advocating for autism within your community or outside of your community? Anything like that?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:45

Well, um, right now my primary focus has been writing my book and caring for my family. Um, as I said, I live in a very rural farming community. Um, so there aren't very many formal opportunities um to um advocate for autism or anything really. Um and the season in my life, it's just um not doable right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:13

But your book, your book will definitely create some great awareness and uh advocacy for autism along with other, you know, with Alzheimer's and TBIs and all kinds of stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:28

Yeah, well, and also I I advocate in my own way. Like I meet people who um at the park, you know, they say, Oh, well, my son has special needs or my daughter's special needs, what about this? What about that? And try to take it more on a personal level versus uh advocacy level. But yeah, yeah, I don't know. Uh I'm just letting God guide me through that, and you know, if there's a different way that He leads me to, well then I'll I'll do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:57

That's right. Well, and and just you talking to other people that you meet, you know, like you said, at the park and and just telling them about your son, and you know, that's advocacy right there, you know, because some people, you know, may not feel comfortable with talking to people they don't know about their kid and be like, yeah, he's on the spectrum, and then they just don't want to talk about it. So being able to talk about that's just that's wonderful advocacy right there. You're making someone a little bit more aware of um how to interact with someone on the spectrum.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:33

Yeah, you know, they're not alone, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:38

Yeah, I guess that's what I'm so there's so many ways in our lives that we're advocating for our kid kiddos that we don't probably think that we are, and we are exactly yeah, so all right. Well, we are gonna wrap up here. Um, we just got a few more questions for you. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:01

Uh what are some changes you would love to see in the autism community that we haven't talked about yet?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:09

I think I think one of the biggest challenges that I'd love to see really is a deeper level of understanding. Um and also flexibility and grace, um, especially for families who navigate that challenge every day in everyday environments, whether it's the store, Walmart, you know, at the park, uh wherever, because um, like I was saying earlier, um autism doesn't show up the same way every day, you know, just like uh my dad with his dementia. Some days he has his good days, some days he has his bad days, and some days he just you know sleeps most of the day. Um so um I think the public at large uh ignorance, and in their ignorance, there's an unrealistic expectation of um, especially as parents, you know, we know better we should be more have a handle on these kids, you know. Well, um like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:21

Like I gotta tell you, the other day we were at Disney on ice, and Jackson being Jackson during intermission, he was luckily we were at the end where like the where the stage was at, they don't have anybody sitting behind there, so the sections to the left of us were all empty. So I let him kind of run down the hall. Well, he starts stimming, lays on the ground, starts throwing like doing all his like stimming stuff. And one of the workers there, I I was like biting my tongue so hard for not snapping at her because she just kept saying stuff like, Oh, get up off the floor and blah blah blah, like, and I was just like, he's okay, he's okay, he's fine. Like, I'm like, he's on the spectrum, he's okay. And she just kept being nosy and like kept and I just wanted to tell her back off, like he's not bothering anybody. Right, right. So it's just like I wish more people would just understand, like just let him lay on the floor and like be like this, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:13:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:34

And see other kids, some some other kids that will do that. And I'm like, oh, is your son on the spectrum? She's like, Yeah, I'm like, oh, my son loves to do that too. So, you know, like I try, if I see that out and about, I try to give them that, like, oh my gosh, like, is he on this, you know, like in a joyful way, and just be like, I love that he's stemming like that, because we hear so much of that negative judgment, like you said, of control your kid and blah blah blah. And it's like he's fine, he's not hurting anybody, he's not, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:07

Yeah, yeah. It's almost like you want to say, I I know my methods look a little odd to you, but trust me, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:18

Yeah, it's like a mind your business or ask how you can help type situation. There's no one between, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:27

Simple. It's that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:31

Precisely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:34

All right. Um, let's see. Well, that kind of answered my next question, but you can elaborate more on it. What is one uh one thing you wish more people understood about raising a child on the spectrum?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:51

Um it's a different way of parenting entirely. You're not parenting somebody who a child that's strong-willed, you're not disciplining or raising a child um that has self-esteem issues. It's it's a different way of parenting, it's a different way for the family to interact with each other. It's it's different. Yeah. So I I wish more people would be less judgmental towards us. Um because in the good moments or even the bad moments, you're really just getting a snapshot of the whole story. Um, and I think we all just do everything that we can. Um, and a lot of times that grace and that understanding, it means more to us than than people realize. And and that bad moment that our children have, um, please don't define them by that moment. Um doesn't it shouldn't define them and it shouldn't define us as as parents, you know. I mean, true.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:10

Yeah. Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. That's so true. You know, just just be kind, please. If ever if everyone could just be so kind, like kind to each other, the world would just be a better, peaceful place.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:26

But you know, and also too, the um, I would also say our parents, we also have to um remember that as well, you know. This bad moment doesn't child, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:39

Oh, yeah, because we do that, we think, oh my gosh, like you know, you start getting embarrassed, and and you're like, oh my gosh, what are they thinking? And sometimes that happens to me, but most of the time I'm just like, whatever, I don't care anymore.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:53

Yeah, and that bad moment doesn't define us as parents.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:59

No, I'll probably never see that person again, like whatever.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:05

Exactly.

unknown 1:17:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:09

And if you could speak directly to a parent who is just starting this journey, what would you want them to hear?

SPEAKER_02 1:17:18

First of all, deep breath, it's gonna be okay. Uh, I know it doesn't feel like that right now at the start, um, but it'll be okay. Um, I would also say, um, I don't think we always talk about it, but there's a grieving process that the parent goes. Um, I know we did. I I went through a grieving process of uh my two boys. I thought, oh, well, this is what it's gonna look like. Well, now there's autism in the mix. Um, so the way my boys interact with each other is not what I envisioned. You grieved the future that you that you thought for them, right? Precisely. And it's it's a very real process. Um, but as you process your grief, um you're gonna find a place of acceptance. And then through that acceptance, you're gonna be able to move forward with more clarity, more grace, more, more strength. Um, especially if you um plug into those resources, those communities where people can relate to you and they're like, Yeah, I get it, you know. Um, and I would also encourage parents also believe in your child, become their advocate because they are going to expect nothing from them, they will expect even less because ability. Okay, but you're gonna have to be your child's biggest cheerleader, their biggest fan, their biggest advocate because nobody else is gonna do it. And if they know, I know Noah knows even though we kind of clash with him sometimes because of the way he's wired and very rigid sometimes. Uh without a doubt, he knows that um Chris and I, my husband, we love him to pieces. Uh, there's nothing that he could do to undo that, and I think that gives him a security in his own way.

unknown 1:19:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:27

So beautifully put.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:30

Beautifully put.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:32

Yeah. And it's a problem. Give yourself grace. It's a learning curve.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:37

And forever. As our kids grow, it's we have to learn new curves, right? And then, like, I mean, you're kidding, Noah's nine, right? So then you're thinking about, oh my gosh, like, he's gonna become a teenager, you know. And we had another uh lady on our podcast who her son is a teenager, and so we're thinking about, oh shoot, no, we like we gotta think about those things and the forever changings of life. What we did for a kid our on the spectrum when he was three, four, five looks different now when they're seven, eight, nine, ten, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:20:12

Yeah, and you know, you're learning too. You're you don't have to have all the answers right away. I mean, nobody does, really. Right. One day at a time, both you and your child. I mean, and that's really that's really all you can do. Just that's right, be kind to yourself, be kind to yourself, also. So important, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:43

All righty, that's it. Do you have anything? Did we cover everything? Is there anything that you want to uh say more or elaborate more on that we didn't touch?

SPEAKER_02 1:20:55

Um, well, I want to thank you guys for having me. Uh, this has been such fun, and uh you guys are doing an amazing job. I love I love the name. I love what you guys are doing um through the airwaves to help us come together because it is a very unique journey.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:15

It is. Well, thank you so much because you know, uh we all we are all in this together. We gotta support each other, right? And give give a voice for everybody to share their journeys and um what you're going through could resonate with another listener. Um, you know, so I love being able to talk to so many different uh individuals that are impacted by autism and how it's just gonna, you know, continue to help and grow. So I just hope that this podcast can keep growing and uh thank you for coming on and you know share with all your friends, family. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you on this wonderful episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:00

Thanks. Um I look hopefully I can come back.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:05

For sure. Never know. We'll be when that book is done, we'll be ready to have you back on and you can share more about your book.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:14

Sounds like a date.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:19

Oh yes, thank you so much, so much. Like so many people are gonna be, I guess, one step closer to not feeling alone.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:32

Yeah, yeah, indeed. And hopefully, someone that's struggling with their faith, maybe you resonate with someone and they just deepen stronger to God and help them, you know, use that to help them through their challenges with their loved one being on the spectrum.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:50

Yeah, and it's it's okay to question God and be like, why?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:55

Yeah, why her? Why why us? Yeah. But he's got a plan and purpose, right? Yeah. Well, look at like me and me and MJ would have never met if our kiddos weren't on the spectrum, or we wouldn't be doing what we're doing right now if our kiddos weren't on the spectrum. So he's just sometimes they don't always see it, but he's got a plan and purpose.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:20

Yeah, literally, we've like been in each other's lives, but not in each other's lives until yeah, that like I don't know if you heard in other episodes, but we went to the same high school.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:33

I think I was a senior and she was a freshman. Speaking of, I gotta I gotta look at my yearbook because I'm planning my I'm planning my 20-year reunion and I've got my senior yearbook out. Reminds me, I gotta look for you and see if that's true. I think it was so it's just crazy how God puts people in our lives for a reason, right? For sure. All right, well, thank you so much. We're gonna wrap it up, and we appreciate you coming on and sharing your journey, your family, and um your inspirations. Yes. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:10

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:11

Glad to be here. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:13

All right, bye everyone. Thank you. Bye. We would like to give a shout out to our graphic design sponsor, MySpot Design. Do you need a standout graphic design or seamless website solutions for your brand? MySpot specializes in custom logos, promo materials, plus professional website design and ongoing maintenance. Elevate your online presence today. Reach out at contact at myspot.design or go to myspot.design for more info. Thank you so much, owner Lindsay, for helping us out. We appreciate you.