S1 Episode 20- China Allen: part one

*LED BY THE CROWN AND THE CROSS*
Join us for Part One of our inspiring conversation with China Allen, Ms. International USA 💙✨👑
China Elizabeth opens up about:
🧩Raising her two sons on the autism spectrum
👑 Her journey in pageantry
🌟 Her platform and advocacy work
🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒Navigating life with a blended family
✝️How faith guides her through motherhood and life
This episode is full of heart, encouragement, and powerful conversations you won’t want to miss.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Hey everyone, welcome back to Mom's Raising the Spectrum. We are so excited you're here with us for another powerful conversation. Today's guest is not only a mom raising two boys on the spectrum, but also a pageant queen and advocate using her platform to bring awareness and encouragement to families navigating this journey.

SPEAKER_04 0:32

Yay, we're so excited to welcome Jaina to this episode. I'm so excited. Thank you so much for being here with us. Being a fellow pageant queen with a mom on the uh being a mom on the, you know, a kid with the diagnosis. It's it's powerful to see um another mom be a great advocate. So please introduce yourself. We're so excited.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited to be here. I feel like our paths have crossed like inadvertently so many times, and yet we've never like fully come together. So I'm so excited to be here. I am Chyna Allen. I am currently International Ms. USA 2026. Um, I'll be going on to compete at Internationals next February. So very excited about that. Um, my platform is uh fully autism advocacy, but also Crowned in Christ. It's a web series that we do where we talk about like our faith in the pageant world. And uh, you know, it's a somewhat controversial topic in such public platforms. And so I always try to advocate for women to be very loud in whatever their beliefs might be. Um, so we are, I have three boys total. Um, one is grown and out of the house, two are still very young and in the house. They're uh almost seven and eight years old, and then I'm a bonus mom to two boys that are 11 and 14. Um, they are totally typical uh and very uh energetic and all over the place. So we're constantly all over the world with them. You are outnumbered, girl. Oh my god. We just got a girl puppy, and that is um the only other female we have in our house right now. Her name is Bella, she's a golden noodle. I love her, and that's my that's my home girl because it's the only home girl I have in this world of boys. Um, my fiancee is a City of Phoenix fireman, and so we're just a very busy, we're a very active family, but that's also where like pageantry and being able to advocate for autism is so important to me because I see how easy it can be, like even in our own family, be overlooked, or like sometimes we forget that we have to, you know, work our schedules around individuals that might not be able to uh shift or cope as quickly, and especially because we have so many moving parts. Um, that's one of the reasons why I love working with other families as well as educating typical peers. That's actually most of my autism advocacy platform is actually working with typical peers on how to how they can actually be more inclusive to someone who might be different. And I I work with young, I would say elementary to middle school primarily, uh, on if you're at a playground, like and someone maybe a little different. You know, it's okay to still try and um go interact with them and they do have awareness of that. So that's a huge part of what I do through my platform. Um, and so many things. But that's a little bit about me. I'm I'm from Surprise, Arizona. I love it out here. Um we're neighbors. We are, we are. Um I have been in Arizona. Like, I should have just invited you over to my house. You can sit right here. I know. I didn't even think about that. I didn't even think about from Surprise Arizona. We've only been out here actually for about a year and a half, but I'm from Arizona. I've been out here for 25 years. So I consider myself semi-native, not fully native, but like semi. Yeah. And that's a little bit about me.

SPEAKER_04 4:08

After 20 years, I feel like you can say you're, you know, raised in Arizona. Maybe not born, but raised in Arizona, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

Absolutely. I and it's this is home. We're we're deeply rooted here. Um, my family's here now. My fiance's in time, my fiance actually is a native native. Um, and so we're we're deep rooted. We're not going anywhere. We love Arizona. This is home. And we'll take the three months of 120 degrees for our uh, you know, nine months of beautiful weather. Exactly. Exactly. What do you do for a living? So I actually um spent probably 15 years of my adult life in corporate America, and that got really, really hard with a son with severe nonverbal autism. And I actually am very open about this. It's kind of part of my story, even through my platform. Um, I was actually fired from my job for have needing flexibility. Um I worked a very high level. I was like a director level at a brokerage firm um based out of Iowa. And I just was not able to keep up with the demands of all the travel and having to be gone. And that was really at a time where my son was he was moving from ABA therapy to a public school environment. There were just so many shifts and and he needed me. So I actually was fired from my job. And I um this was around the time of my divorce, I sold my house, I moved into a fifth wheel RV with my two youngest kids, and I started a business. So now I own a staffing agency and we support financial services companies across the United States. That's what I did prior. I worked in recruiting for finance firms. Um, and I just said, you know, if no one's gonna be able to conform to my needs as an autism parent, I am going to create it myself and do it better and with a lot more heart and empathy for people who might be going through hard challenges. So I do have one employee that works for me. She's a mom too. I allow her the ability to have flexibility in her life because I know what it's like to miss out on so much. So that's what I that's what I do.

SPEAKER_04 6:24

That's for you. No, MJ has the same kind of struggle. And she worked for access.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yeah, for four years. I worked for the state for four years. And that's even worse.

SPEAKER_04 6:37

Yes, you didn't think they would understand, but wow.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Not at all. I'm like, I can't I can't do this. My son is more important than than this job and his needs were more demanding as it went by because um he like got the diagnosis and everything while I was uh still working there. And they wouldn't give me any more FMLA, and I had to work like a full 40 hours, and if I didn't, then I had to pay for my insurance, which is like 400 something dollars.

SPEAKER_04 7:17

So it's just and it wasn't worth the pay and all that, yeah. You think being with access that they would understand because you know, if you have a kiddo on DVD, it's a form of access, but absolutely that is wild to think.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

There's a lot of problems though with the corporate world and the parents of autism, which is why you see so many households end up struggling really badly because one parent always has to quit their job, it seems like. Um, that's just a paid parent provider program. Literally. When they were talking about taking hours away, I mean, honestly, that was one of the only ways we were even able to survive when I got fired from my job, was because I was at least able to go 40 hours um with Ryan's severity. I was able to go and be a 40-hour caregiver for him. Um, otherwise, I don't know if we could have even survived at all. I I mean that was before my fiance and I lived together and I had additional, so I mean, he was always a support, but you know, internal support. Right. And um, I was working weekends at a restaurant bartending while trying to build a business during the week when my kids were in school. Um, because I was like, I can't, and we're living in a fifth wheel. Like I still had to pay rent for the land that we were on and like the utilities that we were utilizing. But like I minimized all of our costs and I was still like, I can't survive, like I can't survive. So I don't know how single parents that are true, you know, providers with a child on the spectrum do it. Like I it feels impossible even with a partner sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 9:02

And that's like shows like some people don't understand that, you know, look, you know, outside looking in that are like, why are you getting paid to take care of your kid or this and that? They don't understand it's because of these reasons. Like not only do they take extra, you know, uh takes more initiative, more hard work to teach them the things because it takes them longer. But you know, not everyone's job is flexible and understanding, and you can lose your job. Or, you know, if you have to miss work and then you don't get paid for that, like say you don't have PTO, or it's it's just the list goes on and on, right?

SPEAKER_03 9:41

And being in a right-to-work state, you know, they can terminate you, it doesn't matter. They can terminate you and not give you any reason. And that was my situation. I knew exactly why I was being terminated, but of course it was just it's just over, it's just not working. And I was like, this is not happening to me right now. Like I can't even fathom how this is life. And and yeah, I I always it irks me so much when people talk about how we get paid to take care of our child. And even when our caseworker came to talk to us about the changes, because we were potentially one of the families that could have had our hours cut due to Ryan's age, and they were like, Well, you know, you because of his age, you shouldn't be being paid for general supervision. And I'm like, I don't understand that if I don't generally supervise him, he's gonna be down the street in the middle of the desert. Like, I don't, yes, he's eight years old, but if I don't have my I mean, we have cameras all over our house. I have doorbells that like if you open the door, it makes a noise because he's a he likes to wander. Like, I can't just it's not like a typical eight-year-old where I could be like, hey, you're good. I'm gonna go work for a little bit and you're fine. You've got your iPad, you got no, I have to have eyes on him at all times. And like, what are you talking about exactly?

SPEAKER_00 10:57

They can't make their own food, they can't like drive themselves.

SPEAKER_04 11:03

Like, we were just talking about this with the with another mom on the last episode. Like they were changing that assessment tool that scale, and it was like at eight years old, they were have it, it's like they had it backwards. Like, okay, yeah, if they can't do certain things, then we should get more hours because of their disability, not that you cut them. Like it makes more sense, like to say, for the younger ones to have less hours because they're still young, right? They're still in that learning mode. But when they get older and you've tried for three years to teach them these things and they're just not getting, and it takes that long, that makes more sense.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

But well, and then you think about individuals that are aging out of programs and now have to go into full-day programs and stuff. And it's like, there's a reason they have to do that. Yeah because someone has to watch them at all times. And and that is a full-time job. So you know, we we've mentally prepared that Ryan will be with us forever. I mean, not even mentally, financially, mentally, physically, we've we're prepared that he will be with us until the day that we die. And then at that point, you know, hopefully siblings and will be able to come in and help and support with obviously the resources that we've worked so hard to be able to provide them when we're no longer here. But I mean, it's just really scary. And people don't even realize like we have to plan so far ahead, like more. Yes, everybody wants to, you know, have uh, you know, wills and trusts and planning for their children. But this is different. This is totally different. This is a totally different ball.

SPEAKER_04 12:46

Yeah. Well, let's talk a little bit about your boys um and their diagnosis and the difference between the two. And um yeah, so let's dive in and get to know them a little bit more. Yeah, I'll let you lead, I'll let you lead the next section.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Yes, yes, you did mention that they're on two very different parts of the spectrum. So can you tell us a little more about them and what you go through?

SPEAKER_03 13:13

Absolutely. So Ryan is eight years old. Ryan is was diagnosed at 24 months, severe nonverbal. Um, obviously, at 24 months, like, okay, uh that's literally what I was like, whatever, you know, this I didn't honestly take the um diagnosis all too seriously because I'm like, he's two, you know, like uh how it's hard at two. Absolutely. My mom says I was talking coming out of the womb, but not everybody does. So um especially boys, it's a little different too. Especially boys. And so honestly, when he was first diagnosed, I don't know if I took it all that seriously until I started looking back at videos of him at like one, and I saw that there was actually a major regression from when he was like one till he was till to about 26 months.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

And when I started noticing that we had had, I mean, when he was one, he would say a few mama, dada, help up, you know, he would say like little things that we would uh, you know, echo for him. Um, he would respond to his name. I felt like there were a lot more of like a light in his eye, like almost like he knew we were communicating with him. And then shortly after his diagnosis, when I would like go, it actually it was like Facebook memories and stuff. Yes. Right. Um, it would kind of that was what helped me realize like, oh, maybe we do have a a pretty big challenge here. So we ended up enrolling him in ABA therapy um when he right after the diagnosis, because that was when I was like, okay, maybe there's just something going on here. And then I think putting him in ABA therapy at around 26, 27 months and hearing the therapists and their point of what they thought of him, I was like, okay. So then Cash was born, my youngest. Um, and he I was like, okay, I after having done so much independent research at this point, because I knew nothing about autism. Like my oldest son had ADHD and a couple of other challenges, and I felt like, okay, I'm I'm pretty knowledgeable on those things, but I knew nothing about autism. So through my research, I was like, okay, if one brother has it, it's likely that another brother could have it. And I knew my oldest son was, again, lots of other challenges, but not on the spectrum. I was like, okay, I'm really concerned about cash, my youngest. So when he turned about 20 months, I had him evaluated and he was also diagnosed severe nonverbal. Wow. But the wild part about that is as they grew, it went like this. You know, Ryan really took a turn for the worst as he grew up. And um, I say the worst, but more just from a he's an incredible boy, but from a developmental standpoint, we were clearly missing the mark. You know, he was not hitting milestones, he was um at four, still not talking at all, um, no longer responding to his name, would make no eye contact whatsoever, still in diapers. We could not get the potty training thing down. And even still at eight years old, we're struggling. Yeah, Jackson. And Cash, on the other hand, at about three and a half, almost four, all of a sudden was a chatterbox and like wanted to talk all the time. And it came out of like nowhere. It was we had put them in preschool and it was a developmental preschool through um Paradise Alley School District at the time. And I don't know if it was maybe just being around the other kids or like that academic um, you know, they were preparing kids with special needs on how to enter the school environment. And so I don't know if it was just that, but all of a sudden at around three and a half or he just wouldn't stop talking. And I was, I remember thinking, like, oh my gosh, it actually gave me, I would say, a false sense of hope for what could possibly happen for Ryan. Um, that at eight, we're still like really struggling to pull words from him. He has words when he wants to have words, but I would say more often than not, he does not want to have words. He's like really happy, just not talking. He's fine. He's like, cool. If I need something, I get it. That's and that's you know, I can just go get it myself. So he still doesn't chat all that much with us. But um, yeah, so they they just grew very, very uh separate directions. Um, Cash, after going through the developmental preschool process, they felt very strongly that he could go into a gen ed classroom with supports. Um, and so he does have like full IEP supports, but isn't in a general education classroom, whereas Ryan is going into third grade in a fully self-contained classroom. Um actually this next year we are moving him to uh Victory Autism Academy.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

So I know I know are you gonna go to the Sun City West?

SPEAKER_03 18:11

We are. Yeah, I am so excited. I'm really excited for him because this year we've had, I've heard incredible things. And this year has just been really, really rough for Ryan.

SPEAKER_04 18:26

I can't, I'm so excited for you. I just had Jackson's IEP meeting for next year, and like he's he's behind, anyways, just because of his cancer, it put him way behind.

unknown 18:37

Right.

SPEAKER_04 18:37

But so instead of going to third grade, he's going to second grade, but they are just uh amazing. The assistant principal is gonna be principal next year. They do so many wonderful like outings, events, and they just communicate so well with the family. Um Jackson now is interested in painting and he didn't even care before. So I'm just so excited for him. That it's gonna be great for him to go there.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

And I'm really excited. And I think one of the hardest things is like Ryan is very um aware, like he's very self-aware and he's very aware of his surroundings. And very so like we'd be walking up to school, and Ryan sees all the other kids going into the main gate, but he has to be dropped off at this like side door where all the special needs kids. But Ryan would look and he'd go there. Like he wanted to go. And I'm like, oh baby, like I'm so sorry. You know, we have we can't go there. And so then he was like, Well, I don't, you know, he hated going through the side door. So then we started going through the front office. They the front office knows us so well now. Oh yeah, but you know, it was just little things like that. It is I hate the fact that they just keep these kids so isolated, and you know, they eat lunch in their classroom, they don't get to eat lunch in a lunch room. And I understand it's because it can be loud and overwhelming, but it but Ryan doesn't have sensory from a noise standpoint, so like allow him to go, like have a pair of kids that don't have that noise sensory so that a typical kids can be exposed to what autism looks like, but also so that he isn't feeling like he's totally isolated. They, you know, PE by themselves, recess by themselves. And I'm like, their class is only eight kids big, no segreg. Yeah, it's so segregated. So that was where I was like, you know, I want him to be able to go to a lunchroom, I want him to be able to have recess with multiple people. And yeah, even if they're people like him, that's fine. At least it doesn't, he's not with the same seven kids all day long from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. You know, it's that's boring, you know. I felt bad for him. So um, but yeah, Cash is excelling, you know, he's behind. Um, he is gonna be going into second grade next year. And yes, he is behind educationally, and you know, but he's on the spectrum, so that is typical, but he has supports and he is doing really well. So I think just overall, and I even through all of their evaluations and everything, doctors, everybody feels very strongly that Cash will live a relatively normal life as he learns to um, you know, self-adjust. And, you know, his big challenge is managing feelings and emotions. There's very minimal ability to regulate um when it comes to like feelings and emotions. So we have very big feelings when he's mad, we have very big feelings when he's happy, and we have very big feelings when he's sad. Um and then he also has trouble um like understanding personal space. He just like is very all over everybody, friends at school, uh, teachers, which is like great. As a mom, I'm like, I love that. Come give me all the loves. But like I always have to remind him like, we need to give people space. You know, not everybody wants to be touched all the time. I do because I'm your mom. And I want to hold you and I'll you know carry you like a baby till you're 17 if you'll let me. But um you know, not everybody wants that. So, but but doctors and therapists feel that you know those are all things that as you get older, you can learn. So, you know, we plan to keep him in a gen ed environment for right now. Um, for right now, though, it could change. And we know at any moment with autism, things can change. You can have regression, you can have major progression. Um, and so you know, we're being very open. And I always say like every day is gonna be different. We'll just kind of see. I always say we're winging it a little bit. Like I know a lot, but also we're winging it. Yes. We have to, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

Nothing is broken stone.

SPEAKER_04 22:46

Exactly. Exactly. No. Tyna, since our boys are the same age, do you feel like, and I feel like this had a big effect on Jackson's development was the pandemic. Because think about it, they were like one and a half too when it started, and everything shut down. We weren't, we weren't seeing Jackson's cousins and he wasn't interacting with other kids. And you know, even if he did go to like uh daycare, those were shut down. So it's like, I feel like that hindered a lot. So hearing you talk about how, you know, Ryan went to uh ABA right away too, and Cash went to developmental preschool, it's like those were years apart. And that pandemic really, I think, hindered a lot of that too for our kiddos.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

We got very lucky. So Ryan was diagnosed right in the middle of the pandemic. Um, I would say it was shortly after everything closed down, and our therapy center was like, still come in for your email. Like, we'll just mask up and we'll we'll do it that way. Um, and so they did have us go in and then um because this was probably like summer of 2021. So this was like literally, we were smacked out in the middle.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

Jack got diagnosed in March of 2021, like right in the summer.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

I want to say this was probably July, August of 2021. Yeah, it was yeah. Yep, yep. And the only thing that saved us was that they wanted to continue with ABA therapy in our home.

SPEAKER_04 24:19

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

And I won't say saved us. So they so we did actually go through some some ABA therapy in our home um through that time. And then come the following spring when when restrictions were starting to be lifted, we moved him into an in-center uh you know environment. Um, but I will say, I was, you know, during COVID, I was working full-time from home um with both my boys home. My ex-husband at the time, um, we were going through our separation. So there was like a lot going on there where he was like semi-involved, semi-not involved. And so honestly, and I I say this very candidly, I had no choice but to like turn on movies and like plop my kids in front of a TV because I had to work. Like I had to literally work.

SPEAKER_04 25:07

I worked from home too, and MJ worked from home too. So it was like homes and we can't when you're yeah, we're home, but we're working, so it's like you can't, you know, you try to do you try to do what you can, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Guilt comes in.

SPEAKER_03 25:23

Yeah, oh for sure. And I blamed myself with his with him being non-verbal, I blamed myself for so long because I'm like, maybe if I had just read to him more or like narrated more, and quite transparently during COVID, like after a workday of sitting in front of a computer screen for eight hours and having to be on the phones, like I was tired. I didn't want to narrate to my two kids, like, oh, mommy's in the kitchen doing this, and mommy's, but all of his therapists were like, You have to narrate everything you do. And I'm like, I'm too tired to narrate. I don't even know if I can put together full sentences right now, let alone narrate what I'm doing. And this is when my oldest son was also still in the home. So I'm also trying to like homeschool him from you know, in high school, middle school, middle school, yeah, end of middle school.

SPEAKER_04 26:12

And that's a hard time for middle schoolers to, you know, they're pushing your boundaries as it is. Now they're working, they're doing school from home. And oh gosh, man.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Yeah, yeah. So at the end of the day, I was like, I don't have the energy to narrate everything I'm doing, nor do I really want to. And so I blamed myself for a long time on him being non-verbal, and then cash getting into school and becoming verbal, but Ryan still not. I was like, okay, maybe this was definitely more than just like a mom fail here. Um, you know, it it it really is just a lack of um ability to communicate appropriately. And so that made me feel I hate to say it, it made me feel a little better.

SPEAKER_04 26:57

Yeah, well, I could see that. And, you know, during the pandemic too, like even though we didn't uh we couldn't even have our PTOT speech come in the house, they weren't the company we were with weren't allowing it. So we would just do virtual stuff and they would just tell me what I needed to do. And like you said, after working, I was doing medical billing, so I'm yelling at insurance all day. We're juggling the pandemic, learning telehealth codes and all this stuff, and it's like I'm wiped out. You know, last thing you want to do is more homework, but you kind of have to. So then you know that mom guilt, I totally, totally understand. Um where did where did you go to get their diagnosis?

SPEAKER_03 27:39

So we went to Inbloom. Um, in Bloom, and we we had a really great experience. Okay. And um originally he was going to their location all the way down by the airport. And we lived in North Phoenix at the time, and I'd like to track them down there every day. But then they opened up a location in here off Deer Valley, like by the airport, the North Phoenix Airport. And that was like a game changer because I was like, I only live 10 minutes from here. This is great. Nice. Um, but yeah, in Bloom, and we really had a great experience through COVID. I we had a phenomenal our our RBT actually went to school to become a BCBA. So she went from being his RBT to his BCBA. So we got to like keep our team together for he was in ABA therapy with them until kindergarten. Um, and so he was with them for a very long time, three, three and a half years.

SPEAKER_04 28:33

It's so cool to see like both of you went to an ABA center to get a diagnosis, and we went a different route. We went through a developmental pediatrician. So it's so it's so cool to see so many different ways of um people getting that diagnosis journey.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Yeah, our developmental pediatrician was the one who recommended us to go and uh get yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:58

Were they not, were they maybe not licensed to get the diagnosis? I don't sound like pediatrici they could be a developmental pediatrician, but I think they have to be like certified or something to give get that get that diagnosis.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Yeah, yeah, it started off with um one pediatrician who was just like a regular pediatrician, and then um like uh two years into it, they like switched over to the um other pediatrician. So I don't think uh they really had much of the credentials because of like her schooling and everything, and she's been doing it. She noticed the signs at 18 months. And so she was like, I think we need to uh start some stuff.

SPEAKER_04 29:50

Yeah, trying to get you for your two boys, was it your pediatrician that was like their pediatrician kind of alerted you like their, you know, those those uh goal, not goals, but what do we call them? They're um mile markers or milestones. Yeah, like was it them that were kind of saying, hey, we're seeing some like delayment? How did that go for you?

SPEAKER_03 30:15

No, um actually our pediatrician for a long time was very like this is normal in boys, um, up until cat like when Ryan got diagnosed, then she was like, Okay, maybe with cash, like I would get ahead of it.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

Um, it was actually my ex-mother-in-law that really decided to like be very vocal. And I mean, I know people have mixed reviews about mother-in-laws being vocal, but this is probably the one area that I was grateful for. Um, she has her PhD in education and worked in early childhood development. And so she's got that knowledge, right? Yeah. Working in schools for many, many years from an elementary level all all the way to a university level. And I, but but when she mentioned it, and I was for sure like, no, you know, the doctor says they're he's fine. But also to be quite transparent, um, like we don't my kids only go to the doctor like maybe once a year. You know, like it we are not, I am not the mom that like runs my kids to the doctor for every little thing. Like we self-serve at home. I actually re- I'm not against medicine at all. Like I love doctor, I think they're great. Love it, like if we need to go, but I'm not gonna take my kid to the doctor for a cold. Yeah, exactly. I am like, I feel like the worst place to go when I think my kids might be sick is like into a doctor's office where they could get something else. Exactly. So I've always been like, we have the humidifiers, we have, you know, all the VIX vapor rub, like we'll we'll do bathtub, you know, we'll do it at home. So I will also say that my kids probably didn't see the doctor all that much for them to make those recommendations. And I feel like when we did go to the doctor, um, at a our last big doctor's appointment was around 18 to 19 months. My doctor didn't seem concerned that he wasn't talking.

SPEAKER_04 32:08

She kind of just felt like, you know, just some delay, but nothing too concerning.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

Maybe a speech delay, but you know, I'm not too worried about it. And um, yeah, so no, it wasn't, it was really my ex-mother-in-law that made me kind of sit back, and that's when I started paying more attention through like older videos versus today. And and then I was like, okay, well, we'll go get a diagnosis. But really, I thought we were gonna walk into the um to the ABA office and that we were gonna walk out with no diagnosis. Like I was pretty convinced um that he was gonna be fine. And then even with the diagnosis, like I shared, I really didn't take it all that seriously right away. I I was uh probably a bit of denial um more than anything, because you never want to believe that your kiddo is gonna have any challenges. You we want this world to be as easy for them as possible, not as hard as possible. So I definitely think in the beginning there was probably a little bit of denial on both me and my ex-husband's part, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 33:07

I feel like a lot of us go through that. I did too. You know, I remember hearing my cousin, who is a special education teacher, she was the one telling me those signs that I remember going my mom going, no, no, no, no. And then hearing the pediatrician start saying the same things, and then I just kind of was like, okay. And then, like you said, same thing. I saw some videos pop up on Facebook memories, and I'm like, oh, wait a minute. Yeah. And it's just it takes, I feel like it takes sometimes someone that you know and trust um to hit hit the hit the heart and go, oh, okay, maybe this is right, you know.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Yeah. That's exactly what it was. And it was devastating. I mean, once it finally hit, I think it really hit super hard as I was going through my divorce, too, because I think when you're solo parenting through it and you're so much more aware because I was home, and it was COVID, so I was home more. And um, I think that being alone and like solo parenting, that was when it really hit. And I was like, oh, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

Do you feel like um his dad was in complete denial, or do you feel like he was on board listening to his mom saying I think his dad is still in complete denial, to be honest.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

It's um, and I think that's one of the reasons why my younger son has no problem going to dad's house, like totally enjoys it, but they play football together, they play basketball together, they have all these things in common that they can do together. And um, Ryan just doesn't have that type of bond with his dad. And I think I I I won't even say it's like a denial anymore. I think it's just like a not he doesn't understand why Ryan is away, yeah, and doesn't know what to do. You know, they try Ryan uses a pacifier still as like a coping mechanism, really only in like stressful situations or uncomfortable situations. Does he bite? Like trying to do that. He bites, and then also he likes to like suck, like he's a he likes to like have that. And also sensory thing, right? It's a sensory thing, and if he doesn't have it, he'll put other objects up in his mouth that we don't want him putting in his mouth. So he better have that, right? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

Does he like the chewy, like the the sensory chewy thingy?

SPEAKER_03 35:27

Not really.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

No, Jackal destroys those things, man.

SPEAKER_03 35:31

I wish that we could get him, he just won't. He loves he'll say, My binky, my binky. And I'm like, I know, you're binky, you're beanky. Um, and then he's got like a comfort bear that is has been with him for years, and like dad takes those away, right? And he's like, he doesn't need that. And I'm like, he does. Okay, like whatever, you know. He's only there for two days a week, though. So if there's any, like it's I I feel like even Ryan can put up with something for a short period of time because he he knows that there's an end coming and that he'll get to go back to mom's house. Because he's at this point, we've been separated for five years, so he fully understands. Like, I go to my dad's for two days and then I come home to my mom for five. So I think he's finally understands the pattern. Um, but no, I think dad's still especially routine, right?

SPEAKER_04 36:21

Our kids, our boys, our autistic kiddos, that routine, they get it, right?

SPEAKER_03 36:27

So that repetition, yeah. Yep, yep. And that's why we hate summers sometimes because we get fully off of our repetition and our routine. It goes completely out the window. So uh summers are always hard in our home. People are like, oh yeah, summer, kids are home. I'm like, yeah, great, love that um for us because we don't know what to do with ourselves when we've got all these three hours of the day. Um, but yeah, so dad, dad loves his voice so much, but I think there's still definitely a level of misunderstanding and just not having a patience for it. And I get it, dad to son, like it's hard. It's a really hard thing to accept.

SPEAKER_04 37:02

Yeah, we were just me and my husband were just talking about that this morning. He was talking about how, you know, he wishes he could do fishing, go take his son, you know, do ju ju jitsu, throw a football. There's those things, and it's like this whole other grief that people don't understand and I can't imagine for the dads, you know. It's it's a whirlwind of emotions when you get that diagnosis, and then you know, going from there and just as they get older, there's just different levels of emotions that you go through each year.

SPEAKER_03 37:40

Yeah. And it's one of the things that we talk to about our the older boys, you know, their step siblings is, you know, just never take for granted the privilege that you have in everything. And this is where we talk to a lot of typical kids too. Like even the privilege to comprehend, you know, the the privilege to be able to go to the bathroom by yourself. Little things that people completely take for granted, um, you know, being able to vote, right? Like you have a privilege to vote. Ryan will probably never be able to vote because he can't comprehend that, yeah, you know, what the political aspects are. Ryan will never be able to drive a car. You know, there's all these things that as people we take so for granted. And we make really bad decisions around those things because we take them for granted. But there are people out there living that will never be able to do those things. And we really talk about that. Um, and it's one of the things I talk about through too with my platform with other children of like the gratitude level for the life that you get to live. And I don't even mean with the things that you have, but like the actions that you get to do. Yes, girl, you nailed it, right?

SPEAKER_04 38:48

Yeah. Um different worlds. Yeah, different worlds completely. Um, so we've we've talked about quite a bit already. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

We're crawling. Um I'm like, oh, okay. So where are we?

SPEAKER_04 39:05

Like so I let's talk a little bit about services.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

Um yeah, we haven't touched that yet.

SPEAKER_04 39:15

Yeah, we talked a little bit about the ABA um and that you're a paid parent provider. Yep. Um but do uh go ahead, MJ. Why don't you ask about like sure.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Do you do you have like a respite care provider, things like that? I'd like to talk about that.

SPEAKER_03 39:37

Yeah, I think that like the early intervention was sort of wrapped into our ABA just because both boys got into ABA and therapies at such a young age because their diagnosis were so young. I mean, Cash was formally diagnosed at like 20 months. Um, and then Ryan at around 24, I think with COVID and everything, started therapy officially at like 28 months. Um, and so early intervention intervention was wrapped into that. Um, I have yet to trust anybody, even from a respite care provider standpoint. Um, and although my fiance is technically our registered respite provider, the reality of it is if I want to take respite, I want to take it with him. Um, you know, and like get away. I mean, our lives are so chaotic that the thought of me going to like for a walk or on a hike without my best friend, like, I don't know. I just don't want to do that. But my fiance is technically our registered respite provider. Um, we've put a few feelers out like through our church to see our church has like a special needs program. So we put a couple feelers out through there to see if there would be anybody interested in going through like the article nine training and all of the things that you have to do to become like a registered respite provider. And then we've even said like we'll compensate you even a little bit, like on top of, you know, that. But they're just really, I mean, I think finding trusted care is super hard. Um, especially with someone like Ryan, where I do have to worry that he's gonna walk out the front door. I do have to worry that he could choke on something because he is so orally fixated. Um, I do have to worry, and we live out kind of, you know, in the middle of, I mean, we live on acreage, sort of out in the middle of no, we're like closer to Whitman area. You are my neighbor.

SPEAKER_04 41:21

I seriously, you should have just came on over. We'll help you back a little more. I live. I see the I see the White Take Mountains for my front door.

SPEAKER_03 41:31

Like, okay, we that's kind of like how we are too. And so I do have a lot to worry about, like with our environment and like where we live. And um yeah, I just, you know, I know this generation and how addicted everyone is to like technology and their cell phones scrolling, and I just don't trust anybody. Like, I'm gonna bring someone into my house that the state is paying $19 an hour to and trust that they're gonna have the same level of caring and understanding. And just because you go through a class um doesn't make you an expert. So, you know, I think I have a lot of fear about that. Ryan is still very young, and and I just, you know, if anything were to happen, I don't think I'd ever forgive myself. And I think that's part of like the selflessness as a as a caregiver of like it's not selfish to take time for myself, right? It's not selfish to go have a glass of wine with a friend, go on a hike, you know, for my own mental health.

SPEAKER_04 42:28

You can't take care of others unless if you fill your cup with your absolutely joy, right?

SPEAKER_03 42:34

And yet I just feel like if anything were to happen while I was trying to do something for myself, like I don't know if I'd ever be able to live that down. Right. Um, and so we've just chosen to not do respite care yet, although we're actively still looking for like a solid provider that's not my fiance. Um that can do that. Do you have anyone else in your family that no, but I don't. I really don't. I have no siblings. Um, and my mom is 80. So and my mom is just I my mom's a she's a wonderful woman, but it's just way too much for her. Um, and so you know, I uh and then my fiance's family, they all still work, you know. His his parents are relatively young, they're still in their 50s, and so they work, and you know, I can't necessarily and they live in in Cape Creek, so it's far, you know, for them to come out to us. So yeah, I'm hopeful. We do, we're very involved in our in our local church. So I'm hopeful that we'll eventually be able to find someone that is willing to come in and and help us. But as of now, uh it's just me.

SPEAKER_04 43:34

Well, just came to my mind. My mom is a caregiver and she's wanting to get out of um the senior population because she's getting older, she can't lift you know anymore, and she's wanting to do more with autistic individuals. Oh, and I started working, she started working um in the a DTA with the company that she. A pay parent or a respite care provider for Jack Center. But those are adults. And I'm like, mom, like you have to be careful because if they have a behavior, you're gonna get hurt. Like, oh yeah, I still want me to work with kids. So maybe we could have a little meet and greet. I would love that. I would love that. She's liking to do more stuff for like, you know, um kids and and being involved with the like autism because she's Jackson's respite care provider. She tried to do one with another kid, but um the family situation was a little uncomfortable. And so she had to remove herself from that.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

But you know, so we'll talk about that later. But I would love that. Absolutely. Yeah. It's not that I won't leave him with anybody, it's just I'm not gonna leave him with anybody, right? Or like it's gotta be someone that there's like a level of trust and understanding. And there's people they're not just doing it as a job, they have some connection or compassion or empathy, right? That is it exactly. That's it. Not somebody who's just like, I just need money, you know, like they're not gonna take this seriously. And even just like regular babysitters, um, you know, like I don't trust anybody. Really, with even if my kids were typical, I don't know if I'm exactly.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

Like, absolutely not. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:26

Even in our schools, I talk about it so frequently. Anytime I see another children from a you know structured classroom getting abused by a teacher or locked up or hit or a throw up when I see those.

SPEAKER_04 45:38

I get so sick to my stomach just seeing that situation. And it's it's the biggest scare for us, you know.

SPEAKER_03 45:45

And people don't realize, and that's again again, even as a parent, that's another privilege that you, as a parent of someone with no disabilities, you know your kids are gonna go to school and they're gonna be just fine. And even if they're not just fine, they have the voice they speak up to tell you to protect themselves. Our kids don't have that ability, and and they're the most vulnerable, right?

SPEAKER_04 46:06

Even if they're like, so like our boys are non-verbal, but you and your younger boy and uh Kai are verbal, but that doesn't mean they understand to physically say things. You know what I mean? People still, although they can speak, that doesn't mean they have the ability to understand I need to tell somebody that this happened, right? That's that was a misconception that you know I do too. And there was a situation that children's objective was um inpatient there for a while with this email that a volunteer was rubbed me the wrong way because they wanted me to go get like go take care of myself. I said, no, I cannot leave him alone. I'm not leaving him alone with you. I don't know who you are, I get your volunteer, I'm not leaving him alone with you. Like people aren't understanding that, like we didn't have that luxury, like I couldn't leave him in the hospital. Like if I want to go somewhere, like I can't leave him alone. Like it's just a hard thing that people don't always understand. But 100% right. Well, you brought up church, so let's talk, let's skip around a little bit, MJ. And let's talk about your church. You're saying that uh they have special needs. Uh tell us where you go and tell us a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

So there's some controversy around our church at the moment, or there was recently, but we're I'm still a big advocate. Stacey. You do go to the same church. So we might um we might go to the North Surprise campus. Oh and you know, I will say, I don't know, you know, there's uh if it doesn't, I hate to say it this way, but like I'm removed from that situation. We've had an incredible experience. Um, we feel extremely supported at our church, and we've made incredible friendships through our our church. And I am currently, you know, in the process of serving through our church community, and um I just I've loved it. And and I think it doesn't make what happened right, you know, through that controversy. I'm not saying that the things that happened were inexcusable, but I am saying that people make mistakes and like, come on, like we've got to move on. We've got to move on with our lives. You know, it's not like this man who did inappropriate things is still involved in the community. They've removed himself and we can move we need to move on, right? Like exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 48:40

Um they've moved on to the crop top now.

SPEAKER_03 48:44

So oh, yeah, absolutely. It's always something, but we're it's always something, and so that's just the devil trying to keep people away from the environment. And it's it's just to to the amount of people that I know through the CCV community that were like, I'm never going back there, I'm like, that's exactly what the devil wants. That you to say that. And at the end of the day, CCV has always been a biblically driven church, and they talk the Bible. And if you want to go to the church that's gonna tell you everything you want to hear, that's more um, you know, socially sugarcoated, social media driven. They're saying the things that everybody wants to hear. That's not the Bible. Like, I want to go to a church that's taught that's talking scripture, that's bringing real life truth through scripture. And even my fiance has said, you know, he never was really very um deep in his faith until we got together, but now he like loves it. And he said, one of the things that I love about CCV is I'm finally able to understand the Bible because they put it in a way that we can understand. I I grew up going to Catholic school, and so I read the Bible cover to cover probably twice because I had to. It was like shoved down my throat. Um but I remember like reading it, going, like, I don't understand any of this. Like it's so hard, and it's like, you know, in the NIV like version, it's very old school, like Latin, and it's hard to comprehend. And I love that CCV puts scripture in a way that is so understandable and it makes sense and it relates to everything that we're going through in our lives today. And so I very was very much was not deep in my faith up until really like my divorce and going through all of that. I feel like selling my house and moving into an RV. Like at that point, literally all I had was my faith. Like I had nothing else to my name. Um, yeah, quite literally. And so I I tell my fiance all the time, this was before we lived together, like, I'll never forget the night, you know, my boys were sleeping in my little tiny full-size bed in my master bedroom in our RV, and I would sleep on our like couch thing. Um, and I remember just like sobbing, you know, and being like, I don't know what to do. Like, I don't know what to do anymore. Like I've lost everything. And a friend of mine that I worked with that like knew my situation, knew Ryan, knew Cash, was like, I really think you should come to this. It was actually a CCV um like group program, but she was like, I really think you should come to this like women's um like Bible conference that we're doing. It was like one day, and the tickets were really expensive. They were like $150. And at that point, I'm like, I don't have $150. I'm building a business, I'm living in an RV. I mean, yeah, like I don't, and she said, I'm gonna talk to our group leader. And so they actually scholarship funded me to go. Um, and that after that, my entire life changed. Like I completely decided to, and you know, I'm not the perfect Christian, I say that all the time. I'm living in sin technically currently, but um exactly we're not perfect a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 52:06

No one ever.

SPEAKER_04 52:07

No one's perfect, but then Jesus was perfect, you know?

SPEAKER_03 52:11

Absolutely, and but Jesus died on the cross so that we could make mistakes and learn from them and and move forward. And so um after that, I completely like gave my life to to Jesus and my fiance and I are gonna be baptized before we get married. Um, I was kind of I wanted to get baptized so bad, um, like within CCD, but I was like, I want to ask him if he'll do it too. And I was like, oh, I don't know if he's gonna be open to that, but he has been so receptive and he goes to church with me every Sunday or Saturday, just depending on what day he's on shift. Right. Um, and uh he did agree that we would get baptized before we get married because he's like, we can't get baptized and then keep living in sin. So we need to get baptized right before we get married. That way it's like clean slate. Oh, yeah. Starting from scratch. So I'm super excited about that.

SPEAKER_04 52:59

Hey, make it part, I was gonna say you can make it part of your ceremony, but you don't want to get your wedding dress.

SPEAKER_00 53:05

Uh totally so like the very end.

SPEAKER_03 53:11

Exactly. Exactly. And I loved that, I love that CCD has the special needs program. Like I and that they have the special needs camps and that they don't like isolate those kids for having challenges. When I found out that they did a camp as well, you know, because I was like, oh, that's so cool. They do a camp, but like my son can't go to camp. And they were like, yeah, he can. A 1000% your son can go to camp. And I was like, What? They're like, Yeah, everybody, you know, we have a full-blown special needs camp and we do all different severity levels. We do medically fragile, we do it all. And that was where I was like, okay, wow, that's absolutely amazing. And they'll scholarship fund um your camp tuition if you can't afford it. They just have to go to the church and um they will figure out how to get your child there. So I just love that.

SPEAKER_04 54:00

Oh, are both in tune? I was gonna say, are both boys going? Are both of your boys going, China?

SPEAKER_03 54:06

This year they are not, um, just because we have to share summer with um dad and dad's side of the family, and they had something pre-planned um the week that camp is. So they are not going to camp this year. But I already asked our North Surprise pastor if he has the dates for camp in next summer. And he said that they do almost have them figured out for next summer and that they would get them to me so that I could make sure that my kids can go to camp next year. But next summer, I think all four of our boys are gonna do the camp. So awesome.

SPEAKER_04 54:39

I know MJ was just telling me about it. That's so cool. I'm really a cool I might uh have Jackson try and participate because he kind of participated in VBS last year at our church and he did pretty good. He did okay, but you know, he's with there was only him and one other autistic kiddo, and so it's a little challenging, but they're not doing VBS this year. So I was like, hmm, maybe maybe I'll bring him to CCV's summer camp.

SPEAKER_00 55:09

Yeah, I'm super excited. $49, I believe. Oh, yeah, that's not bad. That's not bad at all.

SPEAKER_03 55:17

Yeah, no, it's not that anymore. Yeah, it's so worth it.

SPEAKER_00 55:23

There are so many volunteers and coaches. I got myself a special needs coach, but you know, it's I don't have to worry. Yeah, that's I've been going since a baby. So yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:41

So let's talk a little bit more about um your faith. How has your faith helped you with pageantry, motherhood? Talk a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_03 55:54

Yeah, I would say that faith found me like right as I started, found me again, I should say, um, right as I was kind of starting my pageant journey, was really going through that divorce. And I joke all the time, I was going through divorce. I had just kind of started casually dating the net man that I'm now gonna marry. Um, and um, you know, was real I'm living in a very odd situation, like in an RV. I was working at a restaurant part-time, trying to build a business, doing way too many things, thinking every single day, like, why is this happening to me? Like, how did I lose? How did I go from like owning a home in North Phoenix to literally nothing? And, you know, had lost my lost my been fired from my job through that like my car got repossessed and my fiance, now fiance, like had to loan me a call, hit an extra car that I mean everything that you could possibly think. And I was just like, why is this happening? Like, why is all of this happening? And I remember seeing something come up on Instagram, and it was like so weird because I'd never followed anybody in pageantry before. Like pageantry had never been on my radar at all. And um, I just I don't know, I felt like inclined to dig a little bit deeper and like go look into it a little bit more. And so I found the first pageant that I had ever done through social media, and like I just remember thinking, like, China, you don't have the money for this, you don't have the time for this, you like who's gonna watch your kids? But and now knowing, like being much deeper in my face, like I knew that it was God telling me, like, this is a path I really need you to explore and I need you to go down. And I think in hindsight, it was because I needed, in order for me to do all of the things that I've been able to accomplish over the last three years, I needed to feel full. And I was in a place where I was completely depleted and I had nothing. Like I had nothing. I was going to a very sketchy laundromat, like wash my kids' clothes instead. Like I was just in such a low place that I needed pageantry to show me that I am so much more than just my belongings. And I also needed to be shown that pageantry can be done without having to have thousands of dollars and all this money, and you can win. And so I went as Miss Arizona to our national pageant, and I won Miss USA. And our director called me shortly after, and she was like, I knew, I knew it was you. Like from the moment I laid eyes on you, like I knew you were gonna be our Miss USA, and I'm so excited for you to go to internationals. And I was like, What are you talking about? She's like, Yeah, you're gonna come to internationals. And I was like, Again, I went through that, like, how am I gonna afford this? And I remember my boyfriend, now fiance, saying, We're gonna figure it out. Like, you're gonna go, we're gonna figure it out. And so I went and I won. And I was like, oh my gosh. But through that, I felt God with me like every step of the way, like every move that I made. And people think that, you know, women do pageantry out of being vain and like wanting to have all these accolades. I started this because I needed to feel full, but now I'm continuing because I've realized through this process that my voice is so loud for my son and other people like my son. And I had been quieted by corporate America his whole early years because I was too busy. I was too busy. And I tell people all the time that in the moment of being stripped from everything that you have, you feel like a victim. You feel like, why is this all happening to me? But at the end of the day, it is God's job to strip us of anything that was not his plan for us and show us where we're supposed to go. And I know now, like I thought I had everything working in corporate America, six-figure career, nice cars, beautiful home, uh, a husband that was able to stay home with our kids and not work because I did so well. Like, I thought I had it all, right? Like I was living the high life. And then bits and pieces started to fall apart slowly. And it's because that was never, yes, I needed to go through those things to help build the drive and character that I have today, but that was never God's plan for me. And so it got to a point where he was like, China, I've been trying to talk to you for a long time and you're not listening. So I'm gonna, you're gonna lose everything because it's going to be. He will make you listen, right? Yeah. And it was in that moment of having nothing and literally like being on my knees in my RV, bawling, sobbing my eyes out, going, What in the world am I doing? What is happening to my life right now? That he was like pageantry and a clear path. And yeah, pageantry again, like I said, it started out as a way to make me feel better. But through that, I learned you have a voice that people will listen to. And it was all those years, and I am grateful for all that time in corporate America and sales because I learned how to communicate and and public speak and do all these things, but now it's time to take it to a way bigger platform. And um I'm very big with our kids and my fiance's kids, my stepkids on my faith. I we we it's a little hard for us to get to like a group study, but we do our own group study at home. My fiance and I do devotionals at night as a couple. Um wonderful. It's just really become a very important part of our lives. And that's where my Crowned in Christ series, where I talk to beauty queens and models both about you know how to be bold in our faith through an industry that it has always been very frowned upon to be bold in your case. And it's always, you know, we're told to not get too political and to not talk about religion through this process.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:07

But yeah, politics come up all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

In our interviews, every single time. Um, and so I I've always said like I'm just gonna be authentically myself. And if that wins me a sash and a crown to continue to be vocal, like uh uh with a bigger platform, great. But also if it doesn't lead me to a sash and crown, that's fine, because that means that wasn't the platform for me. That was someone that didn't accept me for my faith, for my platform, you know, for all of the things. And whether I have a crown or not, I'm still gonna be loud and advocate. And now I feel more confident to do so because God showed me an area that helped me elevate myself so that I could continue to advocate louder for others.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:52

Yeah. Oh my gosh, you hit the nail right on the head. It's so true. Wow, he's really he's really blessed you and uh given you um a path that you know you're following that he's making for you. And it's so beautiful to see.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:11

Um how talk a little bit about your faith and how it helps you with uh being a mom of two boys on the spectrum. How how has he guided you and and helped you through this process?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:27

Well, I always say he brought my partner to me, um, for sure, because my I will always have the utmost respect for my partner for stepping into something very challenging as a step parent. Um, being a step parent is hard just in general, but stepping into a step parent role with children that have disabilities is even more. And so I say all the time, like, God, really, I figured I'd be single forever, to be honest, because I was like, no one is going to this is I'm their biological mother, and it's too much for me sometimes. Like, how can I expect another person to come into this and be so accepting? And he's been nothing but amazing and plays such an incredible role in both of their lives. But I will tell you, there are days where I am so exhausted and so burnt out, and just so like looking into the future so much of like, how am I gonna keep doing this? Like for so many more years. And I literally will ask God, like why? Like, why, why? Like, why did I I had a rough upbringing, like why, why? But then I just always remind myself, like there's such a bigger purpose to all of this that honestly I might on, I might not even see yet. I I think that there's so much more ahead for what I have been positioned here to do. And God knew exactly what he was doing when he made me Ryan and Cash's mom. And I don't even think I see the big picture of what that is yet.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:06

Right. There's so much more he has in store for you, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:10

So much more. Yeah, so much more. And I say all the time, like I God doesn't fix my problems immediately, you know, when Ryan is having a meltdown and I want as much as we want to want it to be that way. Absolutely, you know, but I always say it's in the little things, you know, like us hearing good reviews about victory, autism academy. Like it's those little things, and like that's God talking to me, making sure that he knows I am making the right decisions for for my kids. And um, but it's hard, you know, and it's very easy to fall into the trap of like, God, why did why me, you know, why? I feel like I catch myself asking that often, but then I just have to remember like there God knew what he was doing before I even was probably born. You know, he knew he had the plan for me far before I even stepped onto this earth. Everything that I Was going to accomplish all of the things that I was going to do. It was planned. It was planned. And so that's why every time things happen, whether they're good or bad, I'll even say, like, I don't know why you're doing this, but I'm just going to trust that you're doing it. We talked about that today in service, actually. It's like, obey even, even if, you know, like you have to be obedient, even if you don't quite understand why things are happening to you. Sometimes, right? Oh, and I get so mad. I mean, I am like, I'm fiery already, but I am like fired up. When I'm like, when I can't see the big picture, and I'm also instant gratification. Love, instant gratification. So when I can't see the big picture, I get so frustrated. But I'm like, whatever, God, I hear you, I see you. I'm like gonna do, I don't want you to take everything from me again. So I'm just gonna keep listening to what you're telling me to do here. Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:53

And you know what? I was just thinking, you two, MJ and Jenna, both have kind of a similar situation. Like MJ, uh your significant other is now like he came into a situation where you have a son on the spectrum. And so it's so amazing to see these men, you know, um, step into those roles and be in their lives. And that's incredible to see. I'm so glad that you both have um you found someone that, you know, is isn't seeing it as like a red flag or you know, it hindered anything. And now MJ is gonna have even more of a blended family.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:35

Yes, congratulations. That's so exciting. We're done having kids for sure, but I'm so happy. But we're done. That's why we got the puppy, honestly. And all and also not only just being the only girl, but I was like, I definitely don't want another baby, but I need something to care for. And so we got a dog. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:59

There you go. Definitely a surprise. I had no idea. Found out at like 17 weeks.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:05

So oh my gosh. I found out I was pregnant, Jackson at 13 weeks. Isn't that crazy? Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:13

I feel like I was ready at six weeks. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:17

Yeah. No looking back, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:21

What a blessing though. Everything happens for a reason. Even if you're like, okay, I wasn't ready for this, it all happens for a reason.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:28

I feel like I'm still trying to figure it out. Like it's still I don't know. There's a lot to work on and get him to the level of faith that I am. It's almost like do I give up? Or maybe I was put in this situation to lead someone to more of a overthink it type situation. And don't run from it either.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:04

Yeah. All we can do is focus on our own relationship with God and just pray that those that we want to have those relationships, it will come. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:15

I am still the spiritual leader of our household for sure. But as we've grown closer together as a couple, like I am slowly starting to see the role shift, or I won't even say shift, but just become more equal. Um, but with him being a fireman, you know, he's seen some awful things that I could clearly understand why someone would question God. Because when you see so many terrible things happen in your life and your career, you do start to wonder, like, well, why would God ever allow that to happen to someone? Or, you know, how could God let this happen? And so I totally value like that perspective of where that's come from. Because I've even felt that way about my own life. Like, God, why I've been a good person my whole life. Like I've never done, like, why would you allow these things to happen? But I think that it's okay to be the spiritual leader as the woman. I I do. I think sometimes that's our our job to lead them to that. But then once they finally get there and the roles can start to shift, and I would say we spent the majority of like moving in together in our first year of living together, really trying to figure that out. Because I was really starting to get very deep in my faith, and he felt very removed. And then we moved practically across the street from surprise CCV, North Surprise CCV. And I was like, Guess what we're gonna do on the weekends? Yeah. And so and you know, he because he's gone so often, he was like, Well, I'll go with you, you know, because he didn't want me. I was like, I'll go by myself. Like, I'm never gonna be the one to push faith on anybody. And so I was like, I'm happy to go alone. I'll totally go by myself, totally cool, not gonna pressure you or anyone else to go. And you know, he just he loves me, so he's like, No, I'll go with you. But then I started to see him being like, Do you want to go to church today? Like, do you let's let's go? And then I was like, Oh, okay. And now he, you know, he was the one, it was his idea actually to get kind of that uh like premarital, premarital, like um devotional type of book for us to do together at night. Um, he was he doesn't like counseling, so he didn't want to do premarital counseling through the church, but he did agree to do like a book, like study at home. So I think sometimes it just takes time. And you know, yeah, you just have to keep worrying about your own faith journey and they'll follow suit. If they love you, yeah, they will absolutely, you know, follow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:41

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