S1 Episode 22 - Kirsten Acklin: Part Two

*Shine In your Spectrum Part Two* 

Please enjoy our final episode celebrating autism moms during the month of May — and what a beautiful way to close out the month. This conversation is heartfelt, inspiring, emotional, and full of love for the autism community.

Kirsten shares more about her motherhood journey, advocacy, family life, and the passion behind using her voice to uplift neurodivergent individuals and families everywhere. 💙

Thank you for celebrating autism moms with us all month long. We are so grateful for every story shared and every family represented.

#AutismMoms #NeurodivergentCommunity
 #AutismAdvocacy #AutismPodcast #PageantryWithPurpose

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

So um after ABA, when he's done with ABA, do you depending on how well he prog progresses there, do you envision him going to public school and autism private school?

SPEAKER_03 0:23

See, that's the hard part. I haven't even like necessarily like thought about it to that point because you know I just I get so nervous with Huddy in the outside world without mom and dad. I have so much faith in his ABA because he's safe there. And you know, the rapport that we've built with him. Like honestly, I'm I'm scared to send him to school. Um, specifically public school. Yes. Um, I I don't know. It's gonna take a lot.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Well, do they kind of like he'll probably be there? I mean, he's been there for a year, so you know, he may be there for what another two years. I mean, some places, some centers allow them to be there till eight. Um, Jackson just phased out from ABA because he turned eight. Um, but he also missed two years of ABA because of his chemo. So it all depends, you know. That's the great thing is that they can be at ABA, you know, most places till eight.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

So yeah, from my understanding, that's his school as well. And I see some older kiddos, so yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

But it's it's a lot when you know, um and MJ's going through that right now, she's going through changes, you know. Um, one school that he was in, he now has to go to a different public school. And there's that fear, and because the public school he was in was great. Yeah, but it's just so hard, you know. The public schools are just very challenging for our kiddos, and especially if they're non-verbal, it's even harder.

SPEAKER_03 1:54

Um, and that's that's exactly it, you know, the non-verbal aspect of it, like not knowing if something happened to my kiddo, or ask him how his day was, or if he likes his teacher, or if he feels safe.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

It's like have you thought about getting an AAC device for him?

SPEAKER_03 2:09

So yeah, so I was just actually talking to DDD about that. Um and they, you know, told me how to do it and all that. So he I think that would benefit him greatly.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Jackson hates using it, so it's like I feel like that's his motivator though, because he's like he doesn't want to use it. So I'm like, because I know he can say words, yeah. So it's like almost like he gets so annoyed with using it that he would rather say the words. So I'm like, okay, well, it's doing something, you know what I mean? Oh, that's so sweet. Yeah, yeah. My friend's son.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

What was that, MJ?

SPEAKER_00 2:46

I have had one with Kai, but then he started like trying to use it like it was a game, and we're like, that's one thing with like picking one out is a hard thing because it's like I had to make sure it would be one that Jackson wasn't trying to find like YouTube on it or something.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Yes, the famous YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

He was just in the grocery store today. Um, Kai had like seen the symbol and he's like, Oh, that's my favorite show.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

I'm like, that's that's not a show, but yeah, yeah, no, it's my friend's son, she has one for her son, and he he's not too interested. What he does is he has um an iPad and he talks to his mom in movie credits. So wow, yeah, he'll go back and she was just telling me about it a couple weeks ago. He'll go back and like replay the movie credits, and there's a movie credit that he found that says I love you, and he played that for his mom. She likes Yeah, so like isn't that so special? Like, that's so smart.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Wow, it's it's amazing how their brain works to figure certain things out, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Stuff out, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

And what do you wish schools better understood about children on the spectrum?

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Honestly, so I haven't like experienced firsthand, you know, an experience with HUD being at school yet, right? Besides outside of ABA. Um, but just like talking to friends and things like that who have their kiddos in elementary or have started like the public school system and just some things that they've shared with me. Um one thing that I think is super, super important is that people getting into the field that are caring for our kiddos or getting into it for the right reasons, right? So if they're in those, you know, special education classes or they're in those classes, I mean, patience is a virtue, literally, when you're dealing with our our kiddos, right? And I think sometimes, you know, people forget, especially from some stories that I've heard from my friends, um, that this is this kiddle, their their first experience at school. This is their job, right? Like this might be your job, yeah. But I've I've noticed a lot of that. Like, so I'm just we'll we'll see how it goes with my experience. But yeah, you know, from talking to some of my friends and seeing like the reports that are filled out and stuff, like some of them don't really resonate well with me, you know.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

It's like I felt the same way, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Yeah, reading some of the things.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

I knew I was like, there's I was just like, there's no way, there's just no way I don't want to, you know. So if you decide to go, you know, not the public school route. I'm sure you've heard there's the ESA funding you can get, and you can try and get them into like an autism private school. Um, so when that time comes, you know, both of us are, you know, Kai goes to public school, but MJ might be considering the autism charter school. Um and Jackson's going to private autism school. So you got tons of resources when that time comes to that's it's a blessing.

SPEAKER_03 6:03

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

But with that mom gut, that mom gut of yours will tell you the right thing to do, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Amy.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, we talked a little bit about pageantry, but let's dive in a little bit deeper. Um like you said, you're getting ready to prepare for a pageant. Yeah. And uh you are competing for National American Miss now. Yeah, yeah. And uh they just started the elite division, what, a couple of years ago?

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Yes, yeah. So last year was actually the first year. Um, that was the inaugural year last year. Yeah. Um, so I competed last year, and that it was unexpected how large our division was. So most states um had anywhere from like, you know, three to ten at most, somewhere a little bit larger. Um, but our division had just about 40 girls alone in the Arizona division. So it was a pretty big division, yeah. Um, you know, I've been in And's a big pageant already.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

It is, yeah, yeah. Especially so MJ, I've you heard there's so many different pageant systems, but National American Mist has been around for quite a while, and they have from like littles now to elite, and the Arizona pageant is along with other states, and it's quite a few, so it's it's a it's a pretty pretty, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and there's um talk about the competition. What areas of competition are there? I know there's um like a like electives that you could choose to compete in.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Yeah, yeah. So there's three required competitions, technically four, but three are in person. So it's weighted 30-30, and then the remainder is I think 10, and it's your volunteer required hours and stuff like that. Yeah, so um your first required competition is interview. Um, interview is around Robin, you sit there, you know, you meet with your judges a minute apiece, and there's usually between like four to seven, depending on the panel they have that year. Um, and then there's personal introduction. I love personal introduction because I'm a huge public speaker.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Um I that's what I like about that system is the personal introduction.

SPEAKER_03 8:35

Yeah, I love that. And then everyone's favorite formal wear. Um, so those are the required. And then the last one, that 10%, is you're required to turn in either, you know, supplies for their drive or volunteer in the community. Um, so this year I am really, really excited about it. I have 672 volunteer hours that I established over a two and a half year time frame, which is a lot of work and a lot of things. Yeah. Um, so I'm really, really excited about that. But yeah, they have optionals, so they have multiple optionals. I actually kind of outdid myself and decided to enter every single one this year. Um the only one that I'm not doing is talent. So I'm doing there's so many. There's runway, casualware, top model, photogenic, you know, there's yeah, there's a lot. Um this year, you know, so last year I got first runner up. Um I was so close, you know. So this year I'm going back for it. Good for you. Um a hundred and ninety percent, you know, like good for you, girl. I have been literally prepping since last year when I got first runner up.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Um, which, you know, having kiddos, it's not easy to to pageant prep. It's not like I have videos that especially when you have a kiddo on the spectrum. Literally, yeah. I shared this really, really cute video and I'll have to send it to you guys where I was practicing in Hudson just, you know, I was recording myself. I saw that and I was like, just like looked at it, and it was just you know, it's things like that that I'm gonna hold, you know, very close when you know I eventually win, which is the hope and the goal.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Um, you know, when you competed last year, um, was he there with uh in the audience watching you, or did you decide to keep him home?

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Yeah, I kept him home. Honestly, just it's mindset when you're at a pageant, as you know, is extremely, extremely important. Um, and you know, it while I want to share that moment with him so deeply, it's just it's it's difficult, you know. So he has a routine at home. He has, you know, his area that he wants to be in. Taking him to a hotel for three or four days, it's it's not gonna work out.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Or even just him coming to the final show day, it's like a lot of people don't understand that our kids can't be there to watch mommy on stage because they can't, they can't sit in a theater, you know, even with their tablet, they still can't sit in a theater, you know.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Yeah, and yeah, you know, when you're at the show and someone's kiddo is crying or whatever, everyone kind of looks and is like uh Hudson will be stimming, you know, and he'll do it a majority of it.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Jackson will be I don't say Jackson will be like wanting to run around the theater, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

So, you know, eventually, absolutely, but just right now, you know, it just yeah, it doesn't work. Right, yeah, a hundred percent. And this year, you know, I have a platform like we talked about that I'm so passionate about now because I'm literally living it. Um, so that's a change for sure in my competition and it shows. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Well, talk a little bit more about your um platform. So, like, is it your the the talent uh shine what is it called?

SPEAKER_03 12:03

Shine Yeah, so it's called Shine in your spectrum.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Is that your platform?

SPEAKER_03 12:08

Yeah, so I base everything off of that. Um, and I do a lot of you know, speaking about the highlights of our neurodivergent kiddos and assuring that we, you know, instead of leading with all, you know, poor kiddos, poor this, poor that, we leave with all the things that they're capable of and all the things that they can achieve and all the things that they do, you know. Um, because there's there's so many things, so it's super, super important. Um, so I kind of focus on that a lot. And my platform is sharing, you know, all the positive things about our kiddos.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Yeah. So do you like envision, like you said, having like a talent show or um like what's your uh go you know what I've always wanted to do. So um you you'll totally understand this. Being Jackson being a part of like not only the autism community, but the children's cancer community. There's a lot of organizations that will host like fashion show fundraisers or whatever for like those or for like cancer research and stuff, and Jackson never really gets to participate in those things because of his autism. So it's unfortunate that he can't. And I maybe it's something that we could do together. I want to do a fashion show for autistic kids, literally, yeah, right? Yeah, like where they can walk on stage and the parent can be there with them if they need to, or they can be independent and do what they do best on stage, right? That would be something cool that you could do for your platform, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:47

Yeah, so that's the whole goal of it, kind of like a showcase, right? Of like their talents and all those things, like they can go up and do whatever they want, they can sing, they can, you know, whatever is them and they want to do. Um, I love like the whole pageant concept. I love that, but mine I kind of want to focus on, you know, confidence building and highlighting talents and all those things, and just you know, making them feel like they're included, which is exactly so important. Cause like you just talked about, like your kiddo, you know, might not be able to participate in a fashion show or this or that because of their neurodiversity. And it's like you they should still be able to, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So that's the whole goal of it is just making sure that you know that there's things there that make them feel included, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Yeah, well, we will make sure that we uh because I believe you have an Instagram for that, right? Yeah, so we'll make sure we tag it in our social media on this episode so people can go check it out.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, the whole goal is just to continue to grow a community with that, and what a better way to do it than with you know the autism mom community. Um, I tried it out a little bit too. I went in one of the mom groups and I asked the ladies, like, you know, would you guys be interested in involving one of your kiddos in this, you know, event if I were to establish this? And I had like an overwhelming response. So I was like, this is amazing. So I'm trying to brainstorm and come up with some ideas to do that, but that'd be awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Well, we're here for you if you need any, you know, you know, need help with that. And uh the next, so I don't know if you know this, the autism society has like mom dinners, like every other month they'll have like a mom get togethers, and we've been to a few, so I'll let you know the next time they have one. So and they start saying if you go, you know, uh go a few times, you start seeing like familiar faces, and it's a great networking time where us moms have networked, and then you could talk to other moms about having I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Someone who I went to school with that yeah, I was like, What crazy?

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Yeah, yeah, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

How did page tree even be like first become a part of your life? Because I know you were doing like the whole criminal justice thing, like how did that come about?

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Yeah, so I I was a little girl, I had to have been like you know, junior preteens to like nine or ten. Um, and NAM is pretty known for you know marketing and sending out letters and things like that to let people know about their system. And so I it was like nine or ten, and my parents had gotten a letter. And when they got that letter for me, you know, someone had to refer me, like maybe like a teacher or something, somebody, you know. Um, so when they got that letter, they actually, you know, put it away um for a couple reasons. You know, pageantry can be pretty pricey, right? And it was just, you know, my dad working at that time providing for us. Um, so they kind of put it away, you know, for that reason. And then in addition, you know, they weren't educated on pageantry yet or understood the positivity that pageantry can bring. Yeah. So I ended up finding that letter. Um, it was put away in like a drawer or something, right? And so I told my mom, I was like, you know, what is this? It's addressed to me. Why are you like taking my mail as a nine-year-old little girl? I was like, you know, that's illegal, mom. Something like that. Something something funny. You got her. Literally, something funny. And you know, she's like, I mean, you know, I don't I don't know what this is, but you know, we can find out. Uh so yeah, I went to an open call that ma'am had. So when you're new to the system, you go to an open call, learn about the system, and then you kind of do like a short little interview to kind of qualify per se to be able to be involved. Yeah. Um, so I did that. And um, we just, you know, me and my mom worked really, really hard. She was, you know, very involved in the community. So at that time it was easy to get businesses to sponsor you. It's not now. No, but uh they don't really do that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

They don't, they don't.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

Yeah, we would literally, you know, walk into businesses daily and just you know talk about why I want to do it. We made like a little printout. My mom got me in like the Peoria Sun City newspaper. Oh that's so cute. Yeah, and we started there, and so you know, in the beginning I started, I had not a single clue of what I was doing, nothing. Um, so I didn't ban the first time, didn't place it all, was heartbroken. Yeah, and then I tried another pageant, it was called Gold Coast, and actually I was on a toddlers and tiara's episode, not as like a star for it or anything, but like they interviewed my parents. It was funny, and I won that pageant. And when I won that pageant, I got like that feeling of adrenaline and I felt involved with it, which which is funny because like I'm an anxiety-ridden girl, like I naturally have anxiety, so the fact that I do pageantry, it's kind of interesting, right? Yeah, yeah, I get anxiety so bad during pageants, but yeah, I keep doing it.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

Literally, just the feeling, yeah. So that's how I initially got involved, and then I just fell in love with pageantry for so many different reasons. Um, I actually started, you know, recently within the past couple of years, too, mentoring girls that haven't been involved in pageantry but are interested in maybe joining. And yeah, yeah, you know, highlighting all the positivity of pageantry and what it brings. And a lot of girls, you know, they were just like me, you know, they're signed up for NAM for the first time or another system and are you know terrified. Like they don't, you know, they're excited, but because I've been involved for so long, I know it like the back of my hand, right? And so yeah, that's a that's another thing that I really, really like doing is like the mentoring aspect of paths. I can see that. I can see that. Yeah, yeah, it's great, but yeah, that's how I started getting that letter. And then, you know, since I've just always been involved, rather it be, you know, judging. I love judging, that's great. Um, competing and then like mentoring and you know, coaching here and there for some girls.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

So have you just done NAM all like most of your life, or did you branch out to other systems?

SPEAKER_03 20:13

So I branched out to a couple other systems, you know, some smaller scale ones. Um, NAM's definitely the one that's kind of always had my heart. Um, and I've always, you know, just wanted it so bad. Um, it got to a point, you know, where I aged out, of course, and had kiddos. So I didn't I no longer qualified. Right. Yeah. Um, so then when they, you know, and and at that point, I finally think I understood exactly what I was doing and was, you know, an avid pageant girl where, you know, if I was able to enter, I would have done well. So like these past couple years, I've you know judged or watched Nam and like have just wished so bad that like I could go back and compete. Yeah. So last year when they introduced the elite division, I was like, yeah, absolutely. You're like, this is a sign. Yeah. I'm like, yeah. So I have from now until 39 to to get that crown and hopefully it happens this year.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

So I don't know if I I don't know if I could go into the NAM world. Like I I don't know. I don't know. I've seen it a couple times and I know a few people have done it, but I was like, oh well, I'm glad to know that that's another option, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

Is there something holding you back from NAM or is it just is there something holding you back from NAM that you feel that would be?

SPEAKER_00 21:32

I just I'm you know, I think I just I don't care for all the optionals. I think that might just be too much for me. But then you think so. I did modeling, I was with an agency when I was in like 20. So you would think that I would want to do that. Yeah. So I don't know. I've I need to, I think I need to go watch the page of I think I was just so overwhelmed. Mountains, yeah, watching the pageant because there was so much going on. Yeah, yes, yeah. And I think I don't want to put family and friends through that whole thing of sitting there and going through all of that. But I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

Yeah, so what yeah. So what I usually do is just let my friends, you know, have a copy of the schedule, and then if they can make it to optionals, they do. Yeah. Um, but they'll just come watch the final show, you know. And yeah, this is honestly kind of the first year that I really, really outdid myself because last year I really didn't enter a lot of optionals. Um, and honestly, like I have a lot of confidence, but just like envisioning and like it, the fact that I got first runner-up, like I would have never expected it. Um, just give you that drive to do again and do it work a little harder, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

I was kind of in disbelief for a little bit. Like, you know, the first runner-up feeling, it's a different feeling because it's like you were so close, but it's also such an achievement. So that was something I was definitely struggling with last year. Um, and mindset, like I've worked on a lot this year. Yeah, as you know, in pageantry, you kind of start to compare, right? Like that's common.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Always, always, and no matter, no matter what you do, you can sit there and tell yourself, don't compare yourself, don't compare. And then it's natural, it it happens, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

It's literally so natural. But you know, last year, um, I was talking to one of my friends, and I spent a lot of time like trying to figure out I was competing, this and that. This year I don't care. I don't, you know, I'm focusing so much on you know, self-growth and like preparing myself.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

That's that's probably gonna shine through. I think I can't wait to watch you. I'm gonna come, I'm gonna try and come. When is it July? What?

SPEAKER_03 23:46

So the final show will be July 12th. Um just reminding me. I'm funny. I check in days in advance, so I'm gonna check in on the 9th. I like to be there and ready, like every parking spot and not be stressed out because as you know, all the states come. Areas Colorado, there's a whole bunch, yeah. Yeah, so I like to be settled in.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

Yeah, that's good for you. Well, MJ, I'm sure you heard her earlier talk about Mama T. So you've heard us talk about Mama T with Diane. She did the sparkles. We've had a few Sparkles Queen on the podcast, and so it's just it's so wonderful to meet another pageant queen who just love and adored her so much. And she just it just goes, so she just impacted so many of our lives, right?

SPEAKER_03 24:32

Well, and apart for me, that like really, really hit home. So a couple years ago, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Um, and one of the main people that were there for me during that time was her.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

Same when Jackson was diagnosed, same thing. She was right there, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:47

Yeah, and so once, like, you know, I talked to her and I just it just was it was just a shock. Um so yeah, I I loved her a lot. I did a lot of work with her through the Ultimate Elite pageant. So yeah, yeah, are really, really close friends of mine. Um I've been involved with them for years. Um as they've done their system, they're amazing. She does so much work for the community.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

They do they go to the um the zoo walk every year. Have you done that yet? I haven't, no. No, oh, you gotta come with us. It's so much fun, Hama MJ. Yeah. So February, it's always in February. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, definitely come join us in February. It's so much fun.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

I'd love to, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's kind of where I did a lot of stuff with Mama T. She was heavily involved in that system. Um, because they did a lot, you know, coincided with her sister.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

And I'm just so glad that she got her own crown. And you know, she got her own title and was crowned, and she deserved that, yeah, so much.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

Our crownings um were the same year, so I actually have you know videos and pictures. Um, and then she got you know the forever title. Yeah. Um, so we literally I have a video and I'll have to send it to you, you know, when I was doing my farewell because I was a queen for them a couple years ago. Um, I thought so.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Okay. So it's just so crazy. Like, I see, like I never really met you, but I've like seen you be a part of that. And then now it's like get to know you, and I'm like, I remember seeing and wondering who is that girl? Like, she looks amazing, like you know, and it's just it's so great to finally get to meet you and get to know you. Yeah, yeah, you too. I've seen your face around, right? And that's the crazy thing, is like we do, we start, you know, um we see our faces around and other through social media or at events, and it's so great to like when you see people, um, then you finally get to know each other, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:54

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

So what do you hope people take away from your story and visibility within pageantry?

SPEAKER_03 27:05

A couple things. So the main main thing that's really, really important for me, especially, you know, being in the elite category, which is 25 to 39, is finding yourself outside of motherhood, right? And you know, doing exactly what I'm doing, kind of going back to what we were talking about, you know, being moms, especially moms of neurodivergent kiddos, we're always pouring into everybody else, and there's not much for us to have left at the end of that, right? You know, burnt out and I feel like I'm always in flight or fight mode if that makes sense, you know. So that's a huge, huge thing. Um, just for women of my age or just even, you know, remotely close moms in general to pour back into themselves. Um, and you know, that's a prime example that I hope to set too is it's never too late to do that, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:59

That's right. Um, I love that with pageantry, it's like in so like my the system, I'm in women of achievement. We have um uh elite and classic. Yeah. So like women in their 60s can still compete. Like, yes, I just love that you can go from little girl to you know your more mature years of life. It's it's amazing. And there's there's a division for everybody, yeah, exactly. No matter what stage of life you were in, right?

SPEAKER_03 28:28

Yeah, I love that a lot of pageants too have opened up their you know rules in regards to you know being married, mom, stuff like that. Um it's huge. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

I realized it was so like it used to be so strict, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Uh-huh. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Well, because think about it. Years ago, it was like, you know, you're you're a miss, you're like a teen, you're a miss, then you're a missus, and that's just this. And it's like that's not the way the world works anymore. Yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's shift and talk a little bit more about your family. We want to get to know a little bit more about them. So tell us a little bit about your family dynamic. You have three kids. Is that all three of them with your fiance or blended family?

SPEAKER_03 29:20

Yeah, so it's a little bit of a diverse dynamic, I guess. So my oldest daughter, um, you know, without providing context details, when I was younger, something happened to me, but I just, you know, I decided to keep her, and she's my little best friend. Oh, how old is she? She's 13. Oh, yeah. So it's her, yeah. And then I have my middle kiddo, uh, she's nine, and um, I was with her dad for you know a decent amount of time. But you know, when I had her, honestly, I was a I was a kid myself, right? We were both kids, and we were kids having kids, right? Let's let's be honest. So there was a lot of that. Um, but we since now are friends, which is amazing. Um and I'm with my current fiance. I couldn't, and I say this all the time, I couldn't have asked for a better dad, stepdad for my girls, and then for Hudson. Hudson, he uh he's so patient, he's so understanding and loving, and just uh I I I literally couldn't ask for a better best friend partner. Um, like I said, especially for Hudson. That's that's huge.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

So yeah, that's amazing. Oh, I'm so I'm so glad that you know, um, you've been blessed with that in your life because you deserve it, and you know, it's wonderful to see. And so um, did you meet your fiance um like in uh in a special way and kind of like how did that happen when you already had kids? And tell us a little bit about you know that process.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

Yeah, so it's actually really funny. So I guess we had had each other on social media for years, and I didn't realize that I had them on social media, you know, had had no idea, you know, I was in a previous relationship. I didn't, I I could care, you know, like yeah. Um, but when he found out that I was single, um, he messaged me um and said something along the lines of you're really cute, let's hang out. And I was like, Oh my gosh, seriously. He's like, okay, that's what you have to say, you're really cute, let's hang out. Okay. Um, but um, I started to realize we actually had a lot of mutual friends as we like talked a little bit. Um, and I was like looking at his pictures, I was like, you know, okay, whatever. Um, and I was like the type of girl that I didn't like guys picking me up. Like if I was going on a date, I'd go and pick him up and just because if I want to go home, I'm going home, you know.

unknown 32:03

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

So I just remember I went to go pick him up and I looked at him. I was like, okay, he is cute. Like he looked, you know, nothing like his pictures, 10 times cuter, right? Looked so much better in person. Um, so we were just inseparable literally ever since. And that was kind of like a surprising time for me, right? Because I was like kind of like numb after you know my last daughter's dad. And I didn't want to date, I won't I wanted to do my own thing. I was just not interested. But something just like shifted immediately the moment I met him. And you know, at the time my mom was living with me, so to to have sleepovers, I would like leave when the kids were asleep because my mom was, you know, home. And then I'd come back before they woke up, so they never knew I was gone. Um, and so yeah, you know, strategic about it.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Oh, I love it. Good for you.

SPEAKER_03 33:01

Um, so you know, we did that, we had a little sleepovers, and then um about a year, not even a year in, um, we found out we were pregnant with HUD.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

And so um, yeah, oh well he was brought into your life for a reason, right?

SPEAKER_03 33:19

Literally, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

Yeah. And so um, how was it with your your daughters um, you know, adjusting to um, you know, a half-brother and then a half brother on the spectrum?

SPEAKER_03 33:34

Yeah, so that's something we kind of are working through with them, right? And and there's two sides of that, right? Like, you know, for Huddy, it's I I try and teach them patience. Like that's that's huge right now. Because honestly, at times, you know, with his stimming or things like that, you know, they get a little impatient or they get, you know, a little worked up, you know, because on the school rides, you know, taking my daughter to school and stuff, Huddy's yelling and he's stimming and you know, things like that. And they're so loving with him, like they love their baby brother. Oh, but I'm working with them on that aspect of it, the patience and it's hard for kids. It's hard, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Oh, that's so sweet. I love seeing pictures that you post with all of them together. It's so cute. They're they're so funny, they crack me out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

What are some things you guys like to do together?

SPEAKER_03 34:29

There's a lot of different things. So, one thing that honestly is kind of a little bit of a struggle, I would say, is just finding activities where like we can include HUDI comfortably, right? Because, you know, the girls they want to go to like, you know, the zoo, aquariums, this and that. But is that gonna work out for HUD? You know, probably not. Um, one thing that we like to really do together is dirt biking. So we'll take Huddy out, so we'll go to like the tracks or whatever. And he sits on like the mini little bike with his daddy. He loves that.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

That's so cool. Have you met China that was on our podcast? I don't think so. You two need to meet because her her um husband or her fiance is uh a blended family, and her uh fiance's two boys ride dirt bikes and stuff, and so does her two boys that are on the spectrum. So y'all can go dirt bike, dirt bike, you know you ride dirt bikes together. Yeah, yeah, you guys need to connect. She lives out here by me in surprise and Whitman. What area of the valley are you in?

SPEAKER_03 35:35

So happy valley, like I-17, like Northterra area.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Okay, well, let's have we're gonna have like an autism like family day, and we're just gonna have tell everybody to come out to our property with our dirt bikes, quads, whatever, and we're just gonna have some fun.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

Yeah, maybe I'm wanting to see if Kai would be interested in something like because he already loves the outdoors, yeah. But I think he might actually like that because he's really into like cars and trucks and like multiple stuff. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

Yeah, and we have the electric ones, so they're like they're really slow. Like you can put it in fast mode, obviously, or slow mode. Um, and they're super, super slow.

SPEAKER_00 36:18

So, like it's it's we're gonna um we're thinking about selling our uh toy hauler and just getting a uh side by side because we don't use our we don't use our camper, you know, because the AC needs fixed, even it's just like you know, sometimes it's a pain in the butt to haul it places and clean it out. So we're like sometimes it's just easier just to camp, you know. And so we're like, yeah, we're gonna get a side by side, especially when they drive by our house every day. We're like, yeah, we need one of those. Yeah. Um, what are some challenges your family faces that people don't always see?

SPEAKER_03 37:04

I feel like there's there's quite a few.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Um like you said, like you kind of said, just like going into enjoy certain things together is hard when you have a kiddo on the spectrum, huh?

SPEAKER_03 37:17

Yeah, and you know, a lot of times, like, you know, friends or family or whatever, they'll invite us to events or like to hang out to do this or do that. And you know, prime example, my husband got this new hobby. It's it's funny, he's like into RC cars, so like we'll go to this RC like indoor track. Yeah. Um, and we, you know, we obviously always try and like see what we can do and see how Huddy likes it. Um, it just it didn't work out, so that's that's kind of something, you know, being invited to things a lot of times family and friends don't really realize the struggle.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

So yeah, so true. I think we all we all face that, right, MJ? For sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

And how has autism shaped your family in a positive way?

SPEAKER_03 38:04

Yeah, so that kind of goes back to like my pageant platform. Um so not in direct family, um, but my second daughter's what would that be? Her brother, no, yeah, no, her uncle. Um, he's autistic, and I was really, really close to my ex-mother-in-law. Um, I still call her mother-in-law, she's awesome and really involved. Um, yeah, her and um Kai was his name, and he's autistic. So I kind of like, you know, I watched him grow up and he was just so intelligent and an amazing artist. Like, wow, that kid could take just a piece of paper and like draw something, and it looks like he printed it out, is how good he was, right? And so, you know, seeing him grow up and then having a son of my own, I just I I started to look at the positive in autism and just neurodiversity in general. Um, instead of you know, bringing up all the negatives, right? There's so many positives. There literally is, there's so many, but you just have to you have to look for them and highlight them and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

So true. Uh, what has helped your relationship with your fiance uh stay so strong during the challenges of having a kiddo being on the spectrum?

SPEAKER_03 39:30

Yeah, it's you know, that's something that's not easy, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

It's not your relationship so much, right?

SPEAKER_03 39:37

In transparency, you know, let alone we already have three kids, right? And then, you know, our kiddo on the spectrum, I say sometimes it's like having, you know, an additional two or three kids, right? Like we got six, right? Just because you never know who you're gonna get. Like, yeah, yeah, just because of the needs that you know HUDY has. And so I think we've really, really learned to like balance out things, right? Like, so we have schedules, you know. So in the morning, for example, while I'm trying to get ready for work, you know, Anthony shower with Hudson to get him ready for ABA. So that gives me time to get ready for work. And then when I get home, I give him his relaxation time by you know letting him play his video games and taking over the night shift kind of for Hudson. Yeah, um, so I think just really working as a team um has been huge for us, and just realizing when the other ones burnt out, honestly, really, yeah, it's it's been huge. Um, I will say Anthony is just a huge blessing because, like a lot of times, you know, like I I don't even have to ask, you know, for him to to do something for one of our kiddos. He just he just does it, and so that's been a huge, huge blessing. Um, but yeah, it's it's not easy.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

It's not no, it can either make or break your relationship, right?

SPEAKER_03 41:00

Um, and I'm sorry, yeah, yeah, no, and I am an extremely like stubborn person too, just to be honest. Like, own it. Yeah, I'm not good at saying sorry, I'm not good at admitting my wrongs, I'm not good at that stuff, right? And that's just honesty. I'm I'm working. You're aware of it, that's great. And he's the opposite, he's really good at all that stuff, right? So, like, we are just a mix of you know, he's a really good communicator, I'm eh, and but we're you know putting that together, so you're just teaching each other and helping each other, right?

SPEAKER_00 41:37

Be better. That's great. Yeah, all right. Well, we're gonna wrap up with a closing question. This has been great conversation. So we just got a few more for you. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

So what changes would you like to uh still see happen within the autism community?

SPEAKER_03 42:01

A huge, huge thing that I would say is moms, I think, from what I've learned, get nervous to, you know, stand up for our kiddos, right? And so I've been doing, you know, kind of some advocating with that too, as I've joined like some of the mom groups and things like that. Um, just getting confidence, honestly, when you're talking to DDD or you're talking to all techs, like tell them exactly what your kiddo needs. Um, so that's that's a huge thing, just like the education aspect. Look at their voices, and that comes from supporting one another, right? And giving them the resources because when Huddy was diagnosed, I was like, where do I go? What do I say when they ask me these questions? What resource do I find? There's so many things out there. Where do I start? Um, so I think you know, the education aspect of it is huge, you know, instilling confidence in these moms to advocate what their kiddos need is a huge thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Um everyone feels confident enough to be like, uh, like, no, my son needs this, this, this. Some are like a little bit like, oh, I'll just listen to the professionals. And sometimes it's like they'll take advantage of you being passive, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:19

And then another, like on the flip side of that, I think it's really, really important too for honesty, honestly, because a lot of our resources, let's be honest, are being taken right now because some people have been dishonest. Dishonest. Yeah. A lot of it stems from the parent provider program, you know, when COVID started years ago and things like that. Obviously, I don't know the whole background of it. Um, but they're finding a lot of, you know, fraud within like the ESA funds or whatever. Um things like that.

SPEAKER_00 43:52

Some people are it's just crazy that, you know, unfortunate some people have ruined it for others.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

Literally, yeah. And that's that's a huge, huge thing. Um, so just the education and the honesty and advocating for our kiddos.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

Right. That's good. Well said. So, what's one thing that you wish more people understood about raising a child on the spectrum? There's a lot.

SPEAKER_03 44:15

There's a lot. Sometimes, you know, like when it comes to work or like friends or this or that, like sometimes I get this like, ugh, like I wish you understood what I was going through feeling, right? Um, because there's times where literally, like, for example, Hudson, he's goes through sleep regression all the time. So like he'll We've talked about that because we our boys don't the other night.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

Jackson was up at 2 30 in the morning and didn't go to sleep until 9 30 the next night. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

Last night it took had three hours to get to sleep. It this is just not a good thing. And then they struggled with controlling it late.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

Yeah. I don't know how they do it. It's crazy. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, you know, sometimes I just wish, you know, and obviously people aren't gonna understand unless they're they're living or they're going through it, right? So I always try and remind myself that. But like sometimes I'm starting my nine to five with an hour off of sleep. Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Because I that's one thing I'm like, uh girl, I don't know how you do it because thank god I work from home and I do medical billing and I'm like salary, so I can make up my time later and take a nap during the day. Yeah, but so I can't, you know, I hope that one day, you know, like you said, you get to have that ability to be more at home with your kids and you know, because you need that sleep. Like, yeah, and it's hard because companies that you work for don't under, you know, not all of them understand that. Like, luckily, I've worked in a field where I've done medical billing for like behavioral health or ABA. So it's like those type of work environments agree, you know, understand it, but when other comp companies don't get that, you know? Yeah, yeah, girl, oh and then that's a great thing about like so. Do you get attendant care? Like, so uh yeah, so the other good thing is like if you if you have to call off a work, you know, luckily you have that, but still you don't want to have to do that all the time. So she's consistently like our boys, yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear I I sometimes am like when I'm so sleep deprived like that from him. I I don't know how I do it, I don't know how I function.

SPEAKER_03 46:27

No, seriously, I don't know either. Honestly, it's just like fight or flight mode.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

It's just like and sometimes I'm like, I tell people stay away from me. I snapped at a McDonald's, uh a lady working at McDonald's yesterday. That's for another story. Yeah, no, but we um they it took forever to get someone in the drive-thru. Jackson's in the car having a meltdown because I already went to McDonald's earlier that day. Sometimes he'll eat a hamburger from there, sometimes he won't. And he was adamant on going back. And I'm waiting in the drive-thru, no one is there, and it's been like eight minutes. I go through, I'm at the window, no one's there. Go up to the next window, I see people there, I'm honking, trying to get their attention, nothing, and then I go back around, finally get somebody, and I laid into her. Yeah. And she was just like, you know, using the excuses, short staffed, and then when she like stopped talking to me to the drive-thru. Then the person that was on the other, you know, the second one, yeah, got their order, and so I were like came up and I was like, So you're just gonna ignore me? She goes, I'm sorry, I didn't want confrontation. And then I was like, What the heck? And I was like, my son is autistic, and he like you could hear him, he was clear, and she was just like, I see it in her face. She's like, I am so sorry, and I just see her stress because she didn't get a break, she had to go to the bathroom and no one covered her, and it was just like it's a certain McDonald's that's terrible service, and then her and I like through the drive-thru grab each other's hands, and we're just like, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_03 48:05

She's like, I'm so sorry. And so yeah, no, I've literally had those moments a hundred percent, and like you know, sometimes literally I resort to like my kid's autistic, like, what is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_00 48:15

Yeah, yeah, there's times yeah, because people just don't understand that our kids don't understand the concept of waiting, or you know, tell them to wait and and do yeah, the end of the world, nope, yeah, nope lines, no go. Yeah, no, no, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

What advice would you give uh to another mom who's just starting this journey?

SPEAKER_03 48:46

Give yourself grace, right? Um, one of the first things that I did was go into this rabbit hole, right? We go through a wave of emotions, especially from the diagnosis up until you know, trying to figure out the resources that we're gonna give our kiddos, things like that. Um, so giving yourself grace is huge. Um, one suggestion that I would thoroughly advise is stay off the stinking internet. Don't don't look at, you know, don't Google how did my kid get autism or the cause of autism, you know, that that was literally don't go down the rabbit hole. That was literally me. And then, you know, be honest, but but take advantage of the resources that we have to provide, right? Because here in Arizona, people literally move to Arizona because I've learned a lot of states don't provide a lot of the stuff that Arizona does for people are moving here for it, yeah, yeah, for our kiddos. So really, really like get involved, you know, in those programs, get involved in the autism on community, right? Because there's times where I just feel so alone, like you know, my friends that have their kiddos want to do play dates and stuff like that, and I just I I can't, right? And so feeling that you're not alone is huge, and getting involved in this is a prime example, right? Like, yeah, you know, a lot of times we feel alone or think that you know no one else could be experiencing this, but then when you get involved in the autism mom community, you're like, wow, a lot of people are so just building that community and you know, finding friends and things like that that are probably experiencing the same thing as you is huge.

SPEAKER_02 50:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 50:24

Um and then just one thing that really, really worked out for me and I was overwhelmed with was just all the different avenues I could go through for Hudson. Um, you know, from DDD to alt text to picking speech to doing this to doing that. Um, so just taking it little by little and not overwhelming yourself because I was just so overwhelmed with that, all the different stuff to get into. Yeah, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:54

Yeah, well said, yeah. All right, and lastly, what gives you hope uh for Hudson's future?

SPEAKER_03 51:06

Just him in general, right? Like literally just his little chunky little face. He's so cute. He's such a little stink. Um, you know, one thing that's that's huge for me is just seeing people around me and talking to people. Um, prime example here. Um that gives me hope, right? Because I'm like, you know, I just I think about all the time, you know, not hearing Hudson's voice, or he might not do this, he might not do that. And then guess what? You know, a couple weeks later he's doing it because of the resources that he has. Um, so that's that's huge. Just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I guess. Um, and there's gonna be some days that are harder than others, and then there's gonna be days where it's like, wow, you know, like huge milestones. Like, you know, Hudson started this new game that he loves where he takes all the pins off my desk out of the organizer and takes them out one by one and puts them in, right? Like, so it's like things like that that you know, to the to the average family per se wouldn't be a highlight, but to us it's like, oh my gosh, like that's that's awesome. So just remaining positive and just you know, taking everything as you know, a blessing, even the little things, right? Um so yeah, just taking it day by day.

SPEAKER_00 52:28

Yeah, that's all we can do, right? Sometimes it's hour by hour. Yeah, yeah, seriously, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Literally, yeah. Oh, right so much for spending time with us today and sharing your family's journey. It's it's been so amazing. Yeah, you are.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

Yeah, I really, really appreciate you guys. I really, really appreciate it. I've you know watched your podcast here and there, and I'm just like, I've just been amazed, you know, because not only are you like, you know, shedding light on our autism community, you're like a voice for all the other, you know, families that you know, you know, might not be able to speak up or say things or do those things. So you guys are huge advocates and I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Thank you so much. That was that was our vision for this was to give individuals like as you saw in April people on the spectrum. They got to we got to hear from them, and now you know we're hearing all moms, and like my husband's gonna be on next week, and so um, and then our goal for our future is to have more like professionals come on, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:40

You know, so a therapist that I'm going to get on. I feel like not a lot of people even know that there is music therapy out there, and he works on his fine motor skills, which I need to connect just.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Jackson could use a music therapist, so yeah, yeah, and like Ted, um, who was on our podcast who does adaptive exercise, he is now working with Jackson. And so it's just so great, you know, that this uh we're building so many connections and learning so many different things. I just met a travel person and you know they're gonna come on next season. So, you know, and if you have any resources or anyone, you know that please share, you know, that you think would be great to come on.

SPEAKER_03 54:31

And yeah, you guys will love um my friend. I'll totally get you in touch with her. So she's like huge into you know, finding um things with like in food that can help, or you know, things like that. And she's solely a parent provider, so she doesn't work a nine to five. Um, so she spends a lot of that time like really looking into foods and diets, and she has so you know, she's giving me shed so much light on so many things that I was like, I have no idea what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00 55:04

Um food and digestion go hand in hand with autism. Oh my gosh, you know, Jackson struggles with like you know, constipation and this and that, and that's common, you know, and it's because they are so particular with their food that they like and exactly, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so wonderful. Well, thank you so much. Of course again. I can't wait to watch your journey through pageantry. I can't wait to cheer you on, and I can't wait to watch Huddy's journey of growing and learning, and you know, hopefully we get to do some things together with our boys and yeah, um, you know, we all get it and understand each other, so yeah, let's totally, you know, do a split. Does your does he like splash pad? Does he like water?

SPEAKER_03 55:52

So he'll kind of just sit there, like he'll just sit there on like he doesn't he won't let the water really touch him, but he'll just kind of like sit in the puddles of like the splash pad. But yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:04

Well, we'll think of something, but yeah, for sure. Well, Kirsten, thank you so much. We appreciate it. And um, thank you for joining us and listeners. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks, guys. All right, bye. We would like to give a shout out to our graphic design sponsor, MySpot Design. Do you need a standout graphic design or seamless website solutions for your brand? MySpot specializes in custom logos, promo materials, plus professional website design and ongoing maintenance to elevate your online presence today. Reach out at contact at myspot.design or go to myspot.design for more info. Thank you so much, owner Lindsay, for helping us out. We appreciate you.