S1 Episode 23 - Mark Wilson: Part One

*A FATHER'S PERSPECTIVE* 

Part one of our episode with Mark Wilson  

Mark — Amy’s husband and Jaxon’s father — opens up about their family’s journey through Jaxon’s autism and leukemia diagnoses. He shares the ups and downs that come with parenting a child on the spectrum, the grief that can come from the things Jaxon may not be able to do, and the emotional challenges fathers face along the way. Mark talks about his own personal understanding of what Jaxon is going through. 

But most importantly, Mark shares motivation, hope, and positive advice for other autism dads walking a similar path.

This is a raw, honest, and heartfelt conversation you won’t want to miss.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Welcome back to Mom's Raising the Spectrum. Today we're excited to bring you a unique perspective as we sit down with a father raising a son on the spectrum. Our guest today is someone who knows the autism journey firsthand as a dad, advocate, and supporter. Please help us welcome Mark Wilson to the podcast. Yay!

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Today's guest is extra special. This is my handsome husband and Jackson's father. And we're so excited for listeners to hear uh from a father's perspective and the experience of going through what we've been through uh through the years with Jackson on the spectrum and challenges and ups and downs along the way.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

For sure. Mark, thank you so much for joining us. I'd we'd love to start by having you introduce yourself to our listeners.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Um so yeah, I'm Mark. I'm Jackson's dad. Um grew up in Ohio and then in Arizona almost 15 years now.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

And you lived in Vegas for a little for a hot minute, huh? Yeah. And then uh most of you don't know, but he is heavily involved in jujitsu. That's his passion. And uh we met 10 years ago, right? Yeah, about 10 years ago, and got married in 2021 um during the pandemic, and Jackson's just a little guy at that time.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Okay, awesome. So, what would you say are some things that define who you are outside of being a dad?

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Uh I'm a jiu-jitsu black belt for one. Most people don't know that. Um, I'm a and then I'm a pretty like hands-on person when it comes to like work and things like that. Um, I do all kinds of different things, um, whether it's pools, window cleaning, um, things like that.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

You take pride in work, I would say. For sure. As most men do, I think. Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

How did you get started? Uh in in Judith, oh my god, if I could say it.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Yeah, no, it's Brazilian, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:39

I want to throw the D in there that's not in there.

unknown 2:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Um, so I come from a pretty well diverse sports background growing up. Um, so I started wrestling when I was sixth grade or so, wrestled all the way through high school. Um, then right out of high school, I actually was working uh at GNC, and I really wanted to get back in like my wrestling shape. And so I joined an MMA gym. So I started like boxing and wrestling, doing all the MMA stuff, and uh I became infatuated to like trying to be in the UFC.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

So uh glad I didn't know him back then.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

I started a professional fight career for a while between my amateur and pro career. I have 18 fights. Um, and I was trickling to the end of my fight career and was like, what martial arts can I train full time without having to get punched in the head and things like that? And I was starting to really get into jujitsu. Uh jujitsu, I saw that there was a lot of older people on the mats, and I figure it was something that I could do for a long time, and so I've been on my jiu-jitsu journeying for probably about 16 or 17 years now, um, full-time, committed for probably 10. Um, and just got your black belt. Just got my black belt this year, and uh so yeah, it just keeps going and get to do it.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

So and Jackson's been uh a part of along the ride for his jiu-jitsu journey, been watching him compete since he was what three months old. You did your first fight to win. Yeah, and a picture just came up on Facebook the other day, and he was just this little baby and about three months old, and in this loud venue, where they're having all kinds of jujitsu matches, and Jackson was there to watch him get his black belt. And so, yeah, you he's watched you compete. The last one you did um uh when you had your brown belt, he really was paying attention that time. It was really cool to watch him like really just kind of look and be, you know, kind of realize that that's dad down there doing his thing. So that's really cool to watch.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Precious moments. What do you enjoy the most about it?

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Um, it's not like uh it's not like working out. Uh you it becomes a lifestyle and it becomes uh like a big family. Um there's people from all walks of life um in jujitsu, so it's really cool to be able to communicate with all those people. And uh, we're all there for one purpose, is like to get better, to be healthier, to uh it's like it's it's just a really good outlet because for that hour or two hours you can't think of anything else besides jujitsu. And then when you get done, you got a map full of people that you can bounce up ideas off of and and talk to. So it's not just uh you know working out, it becomes a big family in the long run.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

And a lot of his jujitsu friends have been there for us throughout the years with all the stuff that we've gone through, which accents uh they're amazing. He wants me to do it, and I can't seem to get the courage to do it because the the thought of being like choked and this and that is not my cup of tea, but I do need to learn some for self-defense, huh?

SPEAKER_02 6:11

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Yeah. So you can't be that bad, but yeah, like he'll like pretend to like pull me and like do this, and like, but I do need to learn some self-defense moves, which maybe we can get you to like teach a class or people or something.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

I'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

I'll do it. Yeah, after you're done having your baby and it's grown a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Yeah, I could I could use the exercise.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Yeah. All right, let's get into Jackson's diagnosis. So when Jackson was diagnosed with autism, what were some emotions that you felt?

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Um I I I think the uh for a lot of people it's like why us. Um but growing up around it, um, because I've dealt with my own struggles um when I was a child, um, it was like, how can we make sure Jackson gets like everything he needs? Um because I know this is gonna be a difficult time. Um when it's obviously when he was first diagnosed, we don't know the extent of it um and things like that. So it's just what what resources can we give him? And uh it's you know different building blocks.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yeah, I feel like you you really helped me stay grounded in that process because it helped me like understand and like not work, you know, not worry so much. So it's so nice to that we got to go through that together and be a good support for each other because I'm sure we were both feeling two different kinds of emotions and then some the same too.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

Of course, of course. And what was your thought process process like during those early days after receiving the diagnosis?

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Um, you know, it's hard, it's like, all right, is he what it's um voidable at the time, yeah. So you don't, you know, when it first happens, you just don't quite know and you don't know how they're gonna develop. Um, so we just all we can do is like vote each day one at a time, one at a time, one at a time, um, and just see where everything goes from there.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Yeah, so true. Was there a moment um where like everything started to make sense? Like where you're like, oh, his autism diagnosis made sense, but like the his development, like looking back, yeah, to a degree, but it's hard to tell, I think, in the in the beginning. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Um when it's diagnosed early. Um, it it's just hard to tell because you're just quite not sure.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Yeah, yeah. And it's hard to know, like, okay, if he's three non-verbal, is he gonna grow out of it and you know, start talking soon? We were like, yeah, I remember your dad was saying, he'll talk, he'll talk soon, he'll soon, he'll talk soon. So we just kept hoping that. And then obviously we got adults another hand months later.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

We'll get into that.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

So what advice would you give another dad who's hearing those words for the first time?

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Um don't be frustrated. Um like I think our goal as dads should be like no matter what is to give our like our kids as as much as possible. Um and and and just keep like pushing forward no matter like what their what their struggles are. Um we just try to give them a hundred percent. Like you you I feel like we can't show them like our struggles, right? So true.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Um they sense it, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Yeah, I I think definitely they can feel and sense it. So I feel like you just you know, for other dads is um don't be discouraged, talk to other dads, um, and you know, just be a positive figure. That's that's the best thing you can do.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Is there anything else you want to talk about? His um him getting diagnosed um at that time before we move on to talk about his chemo.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Um no, I think that's about it.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Speaking of chemo, has definitely faced some something incredibly difficult with Jackson's leukemia diagnosis and treatment. Can you tell us about that journey?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Yeah, so not much long after uh Jackson was diagnosed with autism, um we got a diagnosis for um leukemia. And uh that is one thing you really want to hear as a parent, and it can be an extremely difficult idea to go through with even having a child that is verbal. Um so for us, like the challenges were him not being able to tell us why or what hurts or how we can make him feel better. Um and that's a like that's was just an everyday challenge. Um no matter what what, because you want to be able to comfort your ch children. And uh it's hard to when he can express like how he needs his comfort.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Yeah. Yeah. And you were actually, he was the one that took him to the doctor because we were at Jackson was at his first day of ABA. Did you go? I think you went to go pick him up and take him to the doctor. Yeah, because I couldn't get out of work. Um and they called me that he was just not feeling good. Um, and so he didn't tell me until later that night that the doctor already told you that it could be, huh?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Because he didn't want to freak me out. So when he heard the the news, it wasn't a complete shock to him. But uh that that must have been hard to keep in from me, huh?

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Yeah. Oh yeah, it's just he like the we we knew something was up because he was looking pale, he was sluggish. The when he really got pales and we really were like, something's going on. But you it's not like a regular kid where you can go to the doctor and get blood work done. We're like dreading that because it's an autistic kiddo to get their blood work done is extra challenging. So yeah, then we rush into the hospital and we were there for a long time. I remember another mom, no, maybe one or two moms, like told the front desk, like their kid can go before us because they saw how how lethargic he was. And oh yeah, it was it was something we'll not we'll never forget. Um, what was some of the hardest uh points during his treatment that um you've to see him go through when he was nonverbal due to him being non-verbal?

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Definitely like uh anytime steroids, steroid rounds were rough. Yeah, it was not non-stop eating.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Um devoured it on steroids, like he was like traumatized from it, huh?

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Um that was, and then definitely watching your chick child lose like their hair and going through that whole development. Um, those are those are two hard stages because your child doesn't look like your child during those stages. They blow up like balloons, um, got the hair loss. Um, and for him not to be able to understand what's going on, um, why the why those things are happening to him um is pretty difficult.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Yeah. And a lot and this was during the pandemic. So when he was inpatient for I want to say just about a month, it was just you and I at the hospital and grandparents couldn't come. And then after that, when we had to go in every week for appointments, he couldn't come because it was uh during the pandemic, right? And they were like, it could only be one adult. And I can't imagine how hard that was for you not to be able to come when you want to be there to support.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

And it's like at that point, how do you how do you choose like who gets to go, you know?

SPEAKER_00 15:03

It's yeah, yeah. Well, at that we kind of know like Jackson's definitely he's he cling's a mama for sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Well, you know how kids are, they want mama when they don't feel good and being on the spectrum.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yeah, so that was like that the choice of that was like we knew Amy would do it, but it was also the uh the burden of like knowing that like what she has to go through to be there by herself.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

So that only lasted about a month, and then we were I talked to some people and then we were able to yeah, because I for me to be there because I we needed him to help hold him down to access his board because you know it's hard when you have uh I hear other kids that are on the spectrum when they're there you get upset, you know, but him it's even more challenging because you could tell him what you they need to do, but he doesn't understand that. Why are you poking me with this? Like it makes no sense to him.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

So what would you say was like the biggest struggle for you personally during that time?

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Um it always just goes back to like the communication thing, um him not just being able to uh tell us how he's feeling, and then definitely the the hospital at first, not not understanding um like he wanted to he's just not a normal normal kid, yeah. And it them telling us like we can't have both parents there and things like that. Um that was like a real challenge in in itself. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

And uh what do you think helped us go through that difficult time?

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Um luckily, like we have a really good support system between um our parents, um, our friends um at the time the gym I was at. Like, so we had meal trains coming in, we knew people um were able to talk to people that maybe have gone through the same situation that uh we have, just not on the inst uh instant of Jackson being able not being able to communicate, but like their children going through the the same things. Yeah, so it was just nice to have that comfort and things like that and having people we could rely on, not having a good good support system, I I think could be really difficult in that situation. Um it's a village, huh? Yeah, that it it it for sure takes uh a bunch of people helping and being being willing to help and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

Yeah, we had a lot of people not only donate but like food and support and pray, but like raised money for us for you know, because we were both out of work for a little while. And yeah, so it was a lot of support, which we were really grateful for.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

And how's Jackson doing today?

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Jackson's good today. Um no, no, Jackson's uh he he's he's good and well when it comes to anything cancer-wise. Yeah, um, so now we just really focus on his autism things, yeah, and uh his his development that way.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Yeah, he's hit his two-year mark of being done with treatment, and then um he goes every three months now for checkup, and he's gotten better. I feel like he's gotten a lot better. Um, now he just gets it done through his arm and yeah, it's still extra challenging, but it's not as bad as it used to be because the port it had I think that was the toughest is that when they sanitize it, we have to hold him, we had to hold him down and let it dry. Otherwise, if something touches it, they start all over again. I think that was probably the hardest. Yeah. He was pretty tough on human stroke. Yeah, that's what I that's something like Mark's like, oh, I can't wait for him to be able to do jujitsu because he's strong. Right. Uh so let's talk about some ups and downs with his autism. Is there anything else you want to talk about? Treatment? No, no, not like so. Um, so one thing I gotta share that I love watching and it just makes my heart just melt is when these two they play, and Jackson's favorite thing with him is giddy up. He goes, he'll jump on dad and just like gide up, giddy up. You taught him how to say giddy up, I think it was. Yeah. And he likes to, you know, climb on Mark's back and they run around the house. So tell me what that feels like personally for you to bond with him in that way.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah, I mean, the the ups are really good um lately, especially like when he wants to come and do some type of play activity. Um, so yeah, it's like giddy up is our like biggy back ride um thing that we do. So it's really cool to be see him like come grab me and say, Giddy up, giddy up, like riding a horse.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Um too bad he can't learn how to hang on.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Um it's nice to be able to do those activities and then sometimes he likes the rough house a little bit, like get thrown on the bed or thrown over your shoulder, like wrestling style and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

So I can't do anymore now. He's big and heavy.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yeah, it's nice to have those moments with him because as a kid that's not able to understand things, um, don't necessarily get to do the same activities as like a as a normal eight-year-old um would be able to do.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

So what are your some of the f of your favorite things to do together?

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Um, so me and Jackson, we like we definitely share our same common uh need for speed.

unknown 21:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Anything motor, dirt, or offer related. Yeah, um, the kid loves it. So it's it's really it's it's really nice to be able to uh see him enjoy things that I really enjoyed as I was a kid. Um, even though he doesn't get to express it uh verbally, um you can definitely see it like emotionally and uh in his mannerisms and things like that. Um so that's one thing we get to really enjoy is any type of motor or outdoor like off roading activity. And then we we get to do that. So um yeah, it's fun, it's fun.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Yeah. So we're part of like this group called Driven Project. And um it's uh an event that gets put together by a gentleman for kids with like life-threatening conditions. And um the first time we went, we were at Jackson with them. Yeah. And so that was really cool. We got to drive around Westworld a little bit in a Lamborghini. And it was so nice as soon as we told them that he's autistic and can't be by himself in like a two-seater fast car, they were quick and made accommodations and got the four-seater um SUV for us. And so they come twice a year and we uh partake in that. And that's his favorite event to do with Jackson because they both just love the need for speed. And uh they've made such wonderful accommodations with Jackson now, like every event they we have two vehicles that are four seaters for families that the kiddos can't go by themselves. So it's really cool to see them um understand autism and other di, you know, other diagnosis that they can't be by themselves, but you got to ride them, you got to drive a fast car.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

We have to do some cool stuff.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Yeah, yeah. So we've been blessed and able to do some some cool things. Um let's talk a little bit about jujitsu and sports, and you know, it's hard, you know, he's we see other we see other kiddos his age able to do like baseball, t-ball, jujitsu especially. Um talk about that and kind of like yeah, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

So I would say like the the downs, not necessarily the downs of him, but the uh mental aspect of like being a dad, um, especially being a dad that maybe was like an athlete growing up or things like that. I think like we envision like our child like kind of like a prodigy, like well, can we build him like I was this, I could probably make my kid this, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:13

And better.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Um so I I think with uh dads that have kids with uh disabilities and things like that, it it could be extremely difficult for us to um connect with our our kid because we don't get to do normal kid things. I don't get to take him to baseball practice, I don't get to take him to football practice, I don't get to take him to jujitsu, like a lot of dads that I know, like they're they're out with their kids two hours before jujitsu class, and then they go to jujitsu class. Um and it it's uh it can be really difficult. But again, I think we have to take a step back and be like, all right, what can I do for our our our child and what how can we connect and and things like that. But I think it's also really important that like we are able to talk with other dads about that or have somebody to talk to about like our emotions, because uh I think it's really hard to um talk to anybody about that that doesn't understand. Um so yeah, it can be uh really difficult, but again, I think we just gotta put our best foot forward um and and try to do what's what's best for um our children.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Yeah, and we've talked to other moms and have talked about like that too, like how we envision this journey for our kids, and it's a sense of grief that people don't understand that it's a grieving process, that we didn't get to, you know, have those special moments like other families do with their kids, or um, like you said, you can't go fishing with them because they don't know how, or their elopement risk, or I feel like too, like being around family for me sometimes is hard because I see the like Jackson's cousins doing things that he can't do because he you just can't do it. But oh, I'll tell you a funny thing, it was so cute. We were just at a birthday party and got a video of them too, like running and jumping in the pool together, and that's something that he would he couldn't do last year. Huh.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

He was getting there, he was getting there, but it was really nice to see him uh develop into a you know a frog for sure. Yeah, loves his swimming. Um so that's another thing, is like, right? We um connect in different ways and swimming's big. Like I was a big swimmer uh when I was a kid, I love water, so that's where he gets it from.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Um again, it's like it may not be the sport or may not be this, but let's make what he's enjoying this. I I can enjoy it too.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Right. And we're hoping that we can get like a side-by-side, and and you can take him out in our desert right across the street from us and have a blast. My parents have got like this little scooter, and they take him around their little senior community, and he just loves it. He loves riding in the wind. And then we were part of this Batcave experience, right? And he doesn't know who Batman is, but it was so cool. And at the end, we got to go around with like the Batmobile and the motorcycle, and there's a cute video of them too in the motorcycle, and he's just loving it. That's for sure.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

I wonder if he would like the exceptional stars sports at CCV. We started that with Kai when he was non-verbal at like three and everything. They just go over fundamentals, kind of let them do what they want to do.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Yeah, I think that's I think Jackson working with Ted a little bit will probably help learning catching because he's now starting to finally understand the concept of catching the beach ball or a ball or hitting a balloon back and forth. And those are I think I hand-eye coordination is something that is key to develop for any sport, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Yeah, but the biggest thing is being able to understand what's going on, follow directions.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Follow directions, yeah. That's the thing. He's starting to like we can tell him go do something, and he's starting to understand that concept, but it's taken a while. But he's getting there.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

And how do you balance uh the grief while also celebrating who Jackson is?

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Um again, being able to have an outlet to discuss the grief with people. Um I think that's been uh key lately. Um is being able to have that. And then yeah, starting to enjoy the things that we can do together and and and start to do those things more and more and more. And uh, you know, instead of being like, why this or why that, let's just try to make the best of what we can make the best of it, whether it's swimming or it's running around or bouncing on the trampoline, um, you know, just anything like that. Just enjoy what you can enjoy and make the best of it.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Yeah. And the first time this year in March, we took him to NASCAR.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

So that and that's so funny because I want to say, like, maybe a month, not maybe not even a month of us dating, Mark join showed up. And we my dad had plans to go to NASCAR already, and he loved NASCAR, and he's like, is it okay if I tag along? So NASCAR is really special to us. So to have Jackson come this past March, did what was that like for you emotionally to see him there and that he loves NASCAR too?

SPEAKER_00 30:08

It was nice, uh, one for how accommodating NASCAR was. Um, yeah, because when you go places and sporting events, it can be uh a little nerve-wracking or with the unknown that's out there, but all these organizations are doing a really good job to accommodate um kids that uh with disabilities and things like that. So it's nice to see that. Um, that takes a relief off the knowing that like he's gonna be able to use his wagon and they're gonna be able to accommodate things. So it makes it a lot easier to be able to take him places.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Yeah, probably we took him to his son's game.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

Yeah, so baseball game. It was nice. Uh it it it's nice to be able to do those things with him without having to worry about all can we take this, or is he gonna be able to have good seats or um things like that?

SPEAKER_01 30:59

Yeah, it was I think it was really cool to see his reaction to being on the track because we went to the in we went in the infield, that was a must. And they had like this cool kids VIP thing. And we were the only ones that got to go in the pits, the pit lane. So for him to be so obsessed with the movie Cars and then see them in real life, I feel like watching him run around on the track was I think that was really cool. And then this couple, this older couple was just like, I think they knew he was on the spectrum, and they're like, we just love that he's just so happy. I was like, oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Some of your favorite memories involving your shared interests that you have together.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Um like Amy said before, the uh some of the organizations we belong to, we can do some really cool things. So definitely the Driven project, um, with being able to ride around in million-dollar supercars, uh, one of one cars, one of ten cars, um, just being able to experience that on a real live racetrack, um, and being surrounded with uh awesome people, uh, the baseball games, all the sporting events lately, um, again, with them being accommodating and being able to take that burden, being able to enjoy the time being there. Um, I think those have been the most enjoyable things uh lately, definitely, is uh is that being able to do the sporting is sporting stuff.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

And last year, the Driven Project asked us to speak at one of their at their golf events. So Mark and I both got to stand up in front of like their uh their guest and and just uh give our testimony of like what Driven Project has done for us. So it was really cool to do that together as a family, you know. Jackson can't speak, but we just spoke on his behalf and uh I feel like that was a cool memory that we got chosen to to talk about that. And then we've also done the airplanes, which those those give you a little nerve-wracking a little bit, but we've gone in uh with above and beyond USA and done some private little uh what do they call Cessnas or prop planes or whatever? Proplanes, um, and done some of those events. So which I think Khanai might be old enough now to participate. And so before, when I first heard about above and beyond USA, it was mainly just for like critical illnesses. But after Jackson's gone a couple of times, they really have broadened it to autism. Yeah, yeah, it's really cool to see. And I like to say that we've kind of helped change a lot of those um events to be more accommodating for kiddos with autism. I think that both of us agree, like we let as you say, we like to take him out and do things because otherwise he needs to learn life, he needs to experience life.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Yeah, for sure. I'll have to check that out for Kai.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Yeah, yeah, I I think you have to be five. And he's five now, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Yeah, September.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

So in November, um, it's gonna be in good year. So we'll have to team up. Yeah, so it'll be in a good year airport. Um so I know one of the hardest things for us is with Jackson and his the downsides of autism is his self-harming. Um I know physically it's it's challenging for us. We have to stop and intervene, but I feel like emotionally it's hard to see him do that. What are your feelings about when he does his like hitting his head?

SPEAKER_00 34:50

Um Yeah, it's pretty uh it's extremely frustrating because um one, generally they happen out of nowhere. Um and then not again, like reiterating, not being able to know why he's doing that, or sometimes you have to get a little stern with him and Jackson, and then he can get frustrated. So you have to find the balance of like trying to comfort him, but also trying to figure out what's wrong. Yeah, um, so yeah, it's it can be uh pretty challenging because he does hawk smash his head on a lot of things, and it's not necessarily good.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

Um he gets a big old bruise, uh bruising and things like that.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

So yeah, pretty pretty hard on both aspects of you know emotional and things like that, trying to deal with that.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Yeah, it's it's not easy. It's what you said, we don't know why. And I feel like it happens a lot with non-verbal kiddos, but I mean, MJ, you say Kai, you know, has some behaviors like that too, but no, he's verbal. So it's just I feel like they get so oh they don't know how to regulate their emotions, right? And I think that's their outlet is either self-harm, hitting others, or throwing things. You said Kai likes to throw things, right?

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Yeah, he he throws things or he'll like bang and he's slowly getting back into biting.

SPEAKER_01 36:23

That's just Jackson bit my boob the other day and your mom's boob the other day because he was so upset. And it's yeah, and it's but I I it's just gotta be their emotions. They can't regulate it, and it comes out aggressive, huh?

SPEAKER_02 36:37

Yeah, for sure. Um, how do you navigate those moments?

SPEAKER_00 36:42

Uh just try to calm and soothe and uh figure out, try to figure out why it's happening.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Yeah, it's like first we were it's like you said it's hard because we want to be like Jackson, no, and like don't do that, and then but you want to come for him too at the same time. So it's like the line of fire, like yeah, we have to dive right in sometimes and catch him.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

What do you want more people understood about behaviors like self-harm and autism?

SPEAKER_00 37:15

Um, no, I wish people would do a little bit more research and there would be more education on certain diagnosis, more extreme diagnosis, things that are in between. Um I I think that the word autism is just too broad now. It's it's in there's so much that fits into the category. Um, but there are so many different challenges when it when it when it comes to it. So I just wish people had a little bit more education of not assuming it's just this one spec of thing and having an understanding of um the whole, you know, the whole spectrum.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Yeah. And it's just weird because like now they're adding this level, level one, level two, level three. I get the concept, like that they're trying to like, you know, kind of put someone in a category, like, okay, this is where they're at on the spectrum, but I just don't know if being in a level is the right way to go. Do you feel like I feel like saying like moderate, like it uh, you know, advanced autism, or people don't like the word high functioning either. So it's just so hard because how do you categorize the way that our kiddos are, but without making it sound like they're segregated? It's it's a hard challenge, huh? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

Just you know, more research, more talking. Um, you know, that's the challenges of all this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:49

Um that's for sure. But I'm sure they've told me what level level Kai is, but I don't know. Yeah, I when Jackson was diagnosing part, but he has his challenges as well, right? It's plain and plain and simple. Yeah, I complicate things that are already complicated.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Yeah, and it's like we have, you know, I I do agree, like we have the non-verbal and the non-speaking, and that way it kind of just tells people like, oh hey, like he's not gonna respond, right? But when you do have a kiddo that is verbal, they may not look or sound autistic all the time, right? So those are some extra challenges that you face that we don't face because are they autistic enough? Is another one that I've heard people say.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

You know, it's like Jackson's clearly you can tell, but not that's not always the case.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

So no, like depends on like the situation. It's like, oh, well, you just could you caught them at a good day and a good moment, but it's not always like that.

unknown 39:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Autism is definitely not black or white, that's for sure. For sure. We would like to give a shout out to our graphic design sponsor, MySpot Design. Do you need a standout graphic design or seamless website solutions for your brand? MySpot specializes in custom logos, promo materials, plus professional website design and ongoing maintenance. Elevate your online presence today. Reach out at contact at myspot.design or go to myspot.design for more info. Thank you so much, owner Lindsay, for helping us out. We appreciate you.