The Other Half Podcast
The other half can be many things. Most of all it is your perspective, your narrative, your side of the story. We are here to hear the other half of the story.
The Other Half Podcast
Navigating Loss Together: When Grief Hits Close to Home
The hardest conversation we've ever shared publicly pulls back the curtain on our journey through unexpected grief. When grief happens in the family it changes everyone.
We talk candidly about the unique challenges of losing someone to violence rather than natural causes. The details haunt you differently. The questions linger longer. The what-ifs play on repeat. And when you're trying to maintain normalcy for children while processing your own grief, the burden doubles. Some days, we'd take turns being strong while the other fell apart. Other days, we both struggled to function.
This episode isn't about answers – it's about acknowledging the messy, non-linear path of grief when experienced as a couple. Sometimes you have to be there for your partner even when you're not okay yourself. And sometimes you need to create space for private moments of remembrance. Whatever you're facing, know you're not alone in feeling lost, angry, or forever changed by loss.
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It is honestly so hard sometimes to live with this man Like everything has to be his way. He doesn't want something on, it stays off. If he wants the windows open, the windows stay open, Just anything. Anything he wants it his way.
Speaker 2:All right, welcome to the Other Half Podcast.
Speaker 1:Ooh, ooh, ooh, uh good, had a good weekend oh yeah, what'd you do this weekend? We just spent time together, so that was good you hear that Erica wanna spend time with me yeah, I enjoyed Sunday. I enjoy every Sunday, except we missed church this Sunday yeah, you need to be on that bro and then we had to take a break from the podcast, so that's why we didn't make one last Sunday.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I'm getting all you know what's the word.
Speaker 1:Comfy, yeah, whatever, yeah, I'm getting situated.
Speaker 2:So what's our icebreakers for today? Shout out to Hella Aw yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So today's card is ask each person what about me? Annoys you the most?
Speaker 2:all right. What annoys me about you the most? Uh, you want to hear that for sure.
Speaker 1:Yes, this is about honesty. We're transparent. That's why people want to listen. Okay, don't go too hard on me. I already know what it is.
Speaker 2:What is it?
Speaker 1:My moods.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, you know, I might be a slight bipolar I agree, I'm not going to lie to you, but so are you. No, I'm not. I have a great day all the time. I wake up happy every day.
Speaker 1:But you know what they say about the happiest people, right?
Speaker 2:What, Erica?
Speaker 1:I mean, let's look at Robin Williams.
Speaker 2:What do they say, Erica?
Speaker 1:uh, what do they say? Erica, the people like you have, like you, want to be happy all the time because you weren't happy when you were younger I mean, so it's like it's either real, genuine, or it's a mask oh and see, I'm just like I'm fine, super authentic. I am what I am, wow, okay. No, it's just, I wear all my emotions on my sleeves that's all it is.
Speaker 2:I don't know authentic. I am what I am.
Speaker 1:Wow, Like you know, it's just I wear all my emotions on my sleeves, that's all it is. I don't know how to fix that.
Speaker 2:I don't do that. Well, I do do that, but I guess I don't. I don't get mad or anything anymore. I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think you're just happy where you are. That's all it is. We've talked about that. Maybe you, you're just happy where you are. That's all it is. We've talked about that maybe you need to be happy where you are but give me grace, because I'm not in the the same pathway or whatever. It is the same, on the same wavelength as you right now. But y'all, I'm not. It's. Don't make me look like I'm a depressed person on here. I'm still, I'm good, I just have my days.
Speaker 2:You're a woman.
Speaker 1:I have very high expectations. That's my other issue.
Speaker 2:High expectations in what?
Speaker 1:Yes In just like my day, Like if something doesn't go my way ruins my whole day.
Speaker 2:See, you got to stop. You got to stop letting stuff ruin your day, man.
Speaker 1:I know so yeah, so that's what annoys you.
Speaker 2:What annoys me I don't know, like if I had to pick one thing I don't know. You know what. What annoys the hell out of me when you say, oh, you're the reason she's like that, when april's acting bad okay, no, no, no, no, okay.
Speaker 1:If anybody knows april and any, please, I am begging you, I will give you each a dollar if you leave a comment being on my side, because you know it's true, if you know it's not about size and you know avery that's not the point if you know april and you know avery, come on all of you. I know you guys know his family, his friends, anybody close to us.
Speaker 1:April is literally a miniature avery well why you gotta say that when she's being bad because you are bad too, y'all, because I'm I don't know many 10-year-olds that just roast people on the spot. I don't do that. Come on, dre, kenny, maja, everybody knows, wow, everybody knows. She's just like you.
Speaker 2:No, when she's acting bad, mm-mm.
Speaker 1:That's not me.
Speaker 2:This is the difference between our parenting. Okay, let me go I can raise my voice and she knows right, you'll be like. You better stop before I do this 10 minutes later. You better stop before I do this. We're waiting for you to do that. Okay, we're waiting for it.
Speaker 1:That has nothing to do with how she, yeah, why she acts how she acts.
Speaker 2:She don't be like that when you're not around, and she don't be like that when I go in there, because I ain't going to warn her.
Speaker 1:That's the Okay Discipline, and how they actually react is not the same as how their personality is. Her personality is literally you. I wish you could see, you could y'all hear this, see it everybody says it. Everybody says it the way she's so goofy, the way she's just wild and like has no filter, the way she just comes back with like responses and yeah, I hear this talking trash like that's all she does and it irritates me. I don't do none of that, me and her Like that's all she does and it irritates me.
Speaker 2:I don't do none of that Me and her clash.
Speaker 1:That's why y'all are so like. You guys get along more Me and her clash, because I don't do all that, so that's what annoys you. I thought you would say like my disorganization. I mean my mood, my moods I expect that from you At this point.
Speaker 2:I expect that Every time you get dressed, makeup, every single piece of makeup you use, is on your desk.
Speaker 1:That is every woman? No, it's not. But then I pick a day and I clean and organize my stuff. They don't stay like that every day.
Speaker 2:But that's fine, that doesn't really bother me.
Speaker 1:I think that's a part of my ADHD. No, that's every woman, anyways.
Speaker 2:You know what else annoys me about you? You'll be like oh, I got to go here, here and here, but you don't do them in order. You'll go here. Come home, go back to the area you were just at come. You'll go here, come home, go back to the area you were just at come back home, go somewhere else, come back home.
Speaker 1:You could have just did all that in one trip. Yes, okay, y'all see you're doing the most because I know him. I don't. I don't like dragging people around with me that don't want to go somewhere, that I'm going just because I'm going.
Speaker 1:So what he's talking about is sometimes I'm coming home from work. Avery will ask me every day what we want for dinner. Then he says, go to the store to go get it Right, like to go get it to cook. Then he'll ask me if I can if he's not able to to pick up the kids. Then I pick up the kids, asia and April. I don't care, they're my kids, they're going to go wherever I go. Tubby is my little brother-in-law. He does not like to go anywhere.
Speaker 2:That's facts.
Speaker 1:He will literally sit in the car. I like to take my time, so it gives me anxiety to take him with me when I know he doesn't want. He's going to be moping around. I'd rather just bring him home and then go to the store.
Speaker 2:Erica, make him sit in the car. It's fine, don't?
Speaker 1:rush. You take forever in the store too, exactly, so why would I want him to sit in the car?
Speaker 2:Erica will buy the same thing every day and it'll still take her a long time to buy it. That's how long she takes in the store, every single package. She has to look at the ingredients, like she ain't used it before. Oh, is this? The one puts it back picks up another one. It's the same thing I'll be looking at expiration dates it don't take that long to look at expiration dates no, it's because I'm really actually shopping around.
Speaker 1:I love shopping for food. If I could bring everything home, I would y'all hear this. That's why I always go in there for five things and I come out with 10 to no store facts.
Speaker 2:That's terrible. What annoys me? What annoys you about me?
Speaker 1:I've been waiting for this I don't care anyway, come on joy, because I know you know what I'm about to say. Hey let me talk about it Honestly. There's a couple things A couple times. No, I'm just kidding, Okay.
Speaker 2:Maja, see what you started.
Speaker 1:I think my number one thing is that you're just very anal.
Speaker 2:About what.
Speaker 1:Like, everything has to be your way y'all. If he does not want the living room light on, he will leave it off Every day, like.
Speaker 2:You know what we need a lamp.
Speaker 1:Whatever, it's the same thing. It's a light.
Speaker 2:No it's not. I like it to be lightly lit, not super bright but then you complain that I sit in the dark.
Speaker 1:You don't make any sense. So because you'll be in the dark, you're just very I don't know who'll be in there. Y'all. Everything has to be avery's way. It is honestly so hard sometimes to live with this man, like everything has to be his way. He doesn't want something on, it stays off. If he wants the windows open, the windows stay open, just anything. Anything he wants it his way. It's like, I don't know, I just there's a reason.
Speaker 2:Why are you like that, though, even your?
Speaker 1:mom knows it Like if you don't want the toilet seat lit up, which I agree, but still.
Speaker 2:No, you agree? No, but still, I'm just saying like you'll be like put that lid down Like I don't know.
Speaker 1:You're just very anal.
Speaker 2:There's a reason for everything I do.
Speaker 1:Why are you like that?
Speaker 2:Because a reason for everything I do. Why are you like that? Because I'm very routine.
Speaker 1:I'm very routine you hear me my other thing you're, I'm very routine can that annoys you, that's crazy, y'all hear this okay, it's good and bad. Yes, I do. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. But y'all, it's good and bad because routine can get old. You can get bored. Yeah, you can get bored, you don't get bored.
Speaker 2:But change your routine a little bit. You ain't got to change the whole thing.
Speaker 1:You don't like to change anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I change stuff up a little bit. You just don't be noticing me.
Speaker 1:She don't be noticing me, y'all. She don't be noticing me. Huh, she don't be noticing me. Yeah, I don't know, just that you're very.
Speaker 2:You know I'm very routine. What's wrong with being a routine? Honestly, that's really it that's just me, that's all of me I know that's a big chunk of you that's messed up is that funny? I mean be honest.
Speaker 1:We have to be transparent.
Speaker 2:You want to be transparent. Now that's crazy, but your mom said you've always been that way, like if she was supposed to take you to school and she wasn't being quick enough for you, you would just leave and walk to school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you don't like to wait around.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, that's what made me routine my mom, because I seen how unorganized she was at times and that's when you got to take matters into your own hands.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. Well, you know do you ever feel like you need to like work on that? Nope See, I don't get that.
Speaker 2:That I love being a routine. You know what no like like work on, like not having everything your way it doesn't have to be my way, as you know what going places, if we were on time, it wouldn't have to be my way doing stuff if it was you know. I like to be on time. I like to be. I don't know you don't like my way no, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:It's good and bad. I feel like, yeah, you keep you, keep me on track because, if it, wasn't for you, I'd be late or I would be not on time with something come on man sometimes it's like dang the way I do things is what I think is the most efficient way.
Speaker 2:It's efficient so when I open the windows, saving me some money on my light bill, my electric bill, but also I like the natural that's just roasting us to death. I like the fresh air.
Speaker 1:But it's 80 degrees inside the house, it's fine right.
Speaker 2:No, that ain't. When it's like that, you can close the windows.
Speaker 1:You don't.
Speaker 2:No, it be 74 degrees in here. It's hot.
Speaker 1:It's hot. You be standing over the stove yeah, you're standing over the stove.
Speaker 2:No one else in the house is hot exactly. It's even hotter across with the let me tell y'all a story oh my gosh there's one time I was playing the game right erica standing over the stove. It's so hot, so she turned the ac on. I couldn't feel my toes by the end of the night, it was so cold. I had a blanket on me playing video games because it was so cold. And you know what she didn't do Turn the AC back down.
Speaker 1:Okay, do you even know what I?
Speaker 2:had it on.
Speaker 1:Do you even know what I had it on that? You're so cold. It was freezing Like 72.
Speaker 2:That's cold.
Speaker 1:Went from 80 degrees in the apartment to 72 because, bro, you be like it is so hot and I come home sometimes and it's so stuffy and hot. That's what I mean by you. Just, you're very like that if I wouldn't have said anything, you would leave it like that. You don't ask anybody else that they're comfortable but I left it at 72 but are you standing over the stove?
Speaker 2:no, sure ain't anyways what's wrong with standing over the stove?
Speaker 1:anyways, that's what just that's crazy about you that's mean.
Speaker 2:That is mean be your own people y'all.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that until I started living with you for sure, Back in 2016.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Is that right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I didn't know this about you dating you.
Speaker 2:Wow, that would have changed something.
Speaker 1:No, because we lived together before we got married.
Speaker 2:So that would have changed something. You would have left me if you didn't know. No, because we got, we lived together before we got married and then we got married, so I already knew.
Speaker 2:Anyways, all right, let's get to today's topic. Since you're bashing me, let me find it again. Today's topic is dealing with grief and how the perspective is different from the one holding the grief and the partner trying to help navigate. But this is, this is shout out my boy bradley. He gave me this topic. He said y'all should talk about this being here anyways, um, this is, it's a weird topic because grief is. I feel like at one point I was the one handling grief and you were trying to help me, but then later it was reversed.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, so I was dealing with grief for you.
Speaker 1:Give me a minute. Stop. Why, my God, give me a minute. Stop. Why, oh my god, I don't know why every single time I think about him. That's why I can't think about him. I can't think about him at all.
Speaker 1:It's so weird because, even at church, if I I don't know what it is if I hear like the drums playing, like the music, for some reason it just reminds me of him.
Speaker 1:I think it's because I just think of him as such a regal person or like that's what I just remember about him, that I don't know, like, if he was to just show up, like he's just to me, just so, just a really, really good person, like I've never met someone that like, first of all, we're talking about Mike.
Speaker 1:So Avery's brother that was like brutally murdered, um, on the day of my graduation, actually for esthetician school, um, and he was murdered by somebody that he was, that was basically like a friend to him, um, and so, yeah, we went through that in 2023. And then I just feel like after that was it 2023, yeah, um, october 2023, and I just feel like after that it's just been. It's been so different ever since and like, mind you, I didn't get to be around Mike like for a long time, but he did live with us at one point, um, you know, we lived in Iowa for like six months, so he was um at the time going through some stuff then. So I wasn't I didn't get to see him a lot then either, but anytime you met him or anytime you were around him or you spoke to him and like we would communicate. So I still feel like I had a relationship with him and there was not ever one time that I ever heard Mike talk about somebody ever at least not with me.
Speaker 1:Um, never like said a bad thing about somebody. Like even if I would say something, you know he'd be like trying to, i't know like he just wouldn't feed into it basically. But yeah, he was like my brother and it's just hard. It's so hard to I just try not to think about it, cause I think it was really, really rough. When he first passed, obviously, like I remember when you were in the room sitting literally in a dark room, and that was that's when I knew I was like like you're really down bad because you never sit in the dark Like you talk about that now with me. So yeah, that was rough.
Speaker 1:I almost felt like I didn't know how to help you and I I really don't think that there is anything that anyone can do. When someone's going through grieving, you have to kind of just let them grieve, but you also don't want to leave them alone. You know what I mean. So it's a hard balance, like, especially as a wife, I feel like that was hard on me because it changed our whole like household dynamic. I feel like the kids were affected. I feel like we didn't really you didn't really want to do anything. It was really really, really dark, yeah so how was?
Speaker 2:how was dealing with it versus helping with it?
Speaker 1:I don't. That's why I don't think it really hit me. It didn't get to really hit me because I was trying to help you, like I just remember, trying to make sure that you were okay, and like I would reach out to like Stephanie and Joe, and I remember that night that's when I asked them. I said I like I don't know what to do. He's in the room, he won't come out. I tried to turn on the light. He asked me to turn it off. It was a part of you that I never saw and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I had to reach out to help because I just didn't know what to do. It was hard, that was the hardest thing I think we've ever gone through Like screw, like evictions and financial issues. I think that was by far the hardest thing ever to watch you go through and not be able to like fix your pain or like help. You feel that you can't, like there's nothing you can do, you can't fix it, like it's just yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:It was really tough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it was. It was something else. So I feel like just trying to help you get through it, just being there. Honestly, I feel like that's all you can do is just be there for them, let them know that you're there. I think even I didn't want it to seem like I was like what is it like emotionless or have like no reaction. But I remember one time when you were like trying to tell me what actually happened and we were sitting on the couch and I just feel like I had no, like I couldn't even cry. I had like no emotions. But it's kind of like the reverse of it, because I think like sometimes men try to be so strong for the woman and in this case I was trying to be so strong for you because you know I can cry easily when I think about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're a cry baby, for sure yeah.
Speaker 1:So and then, like I think, once you started to kind of deal with your um, like the grieving, a little bit more than we started going to church, I think that really helped a lot. Um, then I feel like it, it hit me cause then you know there's there's so much more to it. I don't even know if you want to talk about that, but like, obviously, like me seeing him, my dreams and stuff and stuff happening around the house, like I just feel like he never actually left. So then I feel like that's when it really started to affect me.
Speaker 2:That makes sense.
Speaker 1:What about you? I mean grief is something that I've always dealt with but it's never.
Speaker 2:Over the years it's hit closer and closer, and this is the closest it can possibly hit. So I lost, I lost friends, I lost my grandma, lost a lot of people. I mean we've I've lost a lot of people since we've been together but this is the first person you've lost. So for me it was like like it was bad at first. It was so bad, but then it got to a point where I had to realize like you were going through it as well as me so then, I had to not only like deal with mine.
Speaker 2:I started to hide mine a little bit and try to be there for you, but it's it's tough because everyone handles it different and everyone is like you don't. There's no right or wrong way to handle it, but there's no easy way to handle it either yeah so especially when it's not just the two of you grieving.
Speaker 1:You have kids that you have to still be present for yep you know. So yeah, I don't know that was, that was tough. That's all I can say, I know.
Speaker 1:I just feel like I mean it still is, but it's yeah, it is it's not as fresh I know I actually been thinking about it a lot recently because I'm like like I have a big picture frame of him in our living room and anytime somebody moves it like it was moved yesterday I'm like who the heck moved him? Like I want him right there where we could see him. And I know that's like weird to some people, but like I said, yeah, like Avery said, that was my first loss. That was my brother, you know, and I never like had a brother growing up and I just remember all of our conversations and so, of course, like that hit me really, really hard. And it's not only that, it's like the way that he went and I think the hardest part for me going through that grieving process was that we never got to say goodbye, and I think that's what really just upsets me the most. Um, but yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1:I've been thinking about that lately. I'm like, hmm, like I don't. There's not a day that goes by I don't think about him, but it doesn't mean that we're not hurting anymore. Like I just went actually recently, a couple days ago, and posted on his Facebook and I know that like he's gone, but I just don't ever want it's I know I'm weird. Like I don't want him to think that we just forgot, yeah, because I hate when people do that. Like people show up, you hear from people you've never heard from before. Like I remember when people would just reach out to to Avery that he hadn't even heard from in years, and it's like everyone wants to come together and then over time people just forget.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, it was.
Speaker 1:I don't wish it on anybody.
Speaker 2:It's crazy still. It's a crazy situation. I could've dealt with Car crash. I could've dealt with Sickness. I could've dealt with a lot.
Speaker 1:It's the way it happened, I know.
Speaker 2:But I could have dealt with a lot, but this one was hard. I have friends. I have friends overdose. I've had my grandma die naturally, I've had people die from cancer, but this one is different and it's it's a lot more harsh and even like dealing with the case. It's a lot more harsh and even like dealing with the case. It's a lot more it's a lot more brutal and intense.
Speaker 1:It's hard well, yeah, especially if you, like you, know the details. Yeah, that's what I remember you telling me, that's what you didn't want me to know. But, yeah, I feel like the details. You're right, I remember you telling me that's what you didn't want me to know. But, yeah, I feel like the details, you're right. It does make it worse Because then it's like that's all you remember. But what I can say is I think a lot of times, what really got me through was remembering one of the conversations that I had with him because, uh, mike was just one of those people that would get in front of a bullet for you and he did that for somebody.
Speaker 1:And I remember telling him, like like a sister, like why the heck would you do that? And he was just like, because I knew that he would do that for me, like that's just the kind of person that he was. He thought he could be there for everybody and and save everybody, because he thought they would do that for him. And I just remember him being like you know, everybody's got to die at some point. Basically, yeah, like he just I don't know, I really don't feel like he was afraid of of going, yeah, cause I knew he knew that that was always a possibility. So for me it's like, yeah, I don't know, I think he just looked at things so differently, like he, even when when I, even when he was shot and almost paralyzed for getting in front of a bullet for his friend, he still said God is great. Like you see what I mean? It's just stuff that he would say.
Speaker 1:That made me look at things so differently too and yeah, yeah, I think uh but how do you feel like you're, how do you feel like you've dealt with it now, like now, do you just feel like you deal with it in private?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I deal with it in private, for sure it's, I think it's, I don't know. I feel like he, I don't, I don't like to deal with it, not in private anymore. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like it's because every time it hits it's in private, like even the other day I teared up at church for a second and I just, you know, shook it off. But that's the only way I really can deal with it, because when I'm not in private there's other things going on, so you can't really think about stuff like that, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is it something that like comes up though in church? Because I feel like that's when it seems to affect you.
Speaker 2:No, it just comes up randomly. It'll be something super random.
Speaker 1:That you think of? Yeah.
Speaker 2:All the time. But yeah, I don't know. It's just one of those things, I guess, something you have to learn to live with. And it sucks to say that I was when it first happened. My cousin made a post on facebook and she passed away and she was supposed to be at that funeral. So her sister, ivory, was the one that I was like. Whenever I had a rough day I would message her like I can't sleep tonight and she wouldn't do the same with me.
Speaker 2:And we were like going through that together, and her sister's funeral was like a week after my brother's. And we couldn't be there for that, because it was so expensive, trying to go in the first place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know. I feel like since I've been with you, it's been so many people and I think we've only been able to go to one Together. I think you've gone without me now.
Speaker 2:A couple times. No, we've done two because we went to Gail's.
Speaker 1:It was Gail's and then Mike's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but no, those are the only two that I've been to.
Speaker 1:I didn't get a chance to go to the other ones, so yeah, it is not easy, Like I said, especially if you've never lost anybody. But I think, even for you, you've lost so many people. But it's like we're talking about your brother, like your, your, your other half you know what I mean Like um and Like your other half. You know what I mean. And then, like ever since then, so much has changed, like you know. Now we have his youngest sibling with us that we have mentioned a couple times, and there's like little things about him that you say no, but reminds me of Mike, and I think it gives me comfort, like to have him here. Um, then you have to think about that too. It's like now, yeah, not only are you grieving, but then you have to.
Speaker 1:It's like other people are grieving too, and but yeah, I think, for me. I just didn't want to be selfish, I didn't want it to be about me, I just wanted to try to be there for you. But it's something I don't wish on anybody, and and I remember saying for the longest time, I've never lost anybody, I've never lost anybody close to me. I don't even know what that would feel like, and so I think that's why it just hit me for so long and I would have dreams for so long, because I just never, never felt that kind of grief before. So but I feel like now you kind of look at life a little bit differently.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Whereas for me as crazy as it sounds I feel like I should be more grateful about life. I should be more grateful, but yeah, I don't know. I think, to answer Bradley's question, I think that is the greatest part about having your best friend and being married to your best friend is because sometimes you do have to switch the roles, sometimes you have to be there for them even when you're not okay yourself, and then sometimes the roles switch and it's the reverse.
Speaker 2:So yes, grief is something that I feel like it's always been around, like I seen my, my aunt, pass away from cancer and she passed away. My grandma was the one taking care of her, so she passed away in our house. I don't know. I've dealt with a lot, but it's all a different. Deal with a lot, but it's all a different the feeling is different every time because it's a different person.
Speaker 2:Their relationship with that person is different. A lot of the times, like with gail, I worked with her. She was a great person. I worked with her at the ymca taking care of kids and she was like everybody's auntie, and then with Dijon, it's like, yeah, I was playing video games with him. Yeah, I remember being there then you look up and it's like, oh he, he passed away this morning.
Speaker 1:Like it's crazy yeah, and because I remember you picking him up and us taking him somewhere too. Yeah, I never, I don't, I never even knew who that was until then.
Speaker 2:Yep, we took him to another city for work. He had to find a ride there, mm-hmm, so yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's rough.
Speaker 1:And then we know it's not over because, like he said, there's still a case going. But it's scary y'all. It's scary because I feel like where it happened, I just feel like it's almost inevitable that you're going to lose somebody. It's hard, honestly, for me, if you want to know the real, raw truth. It's like I just, every day, I prepare myself, I feel like because I just feel like somebody else is next.
Speaker 1:That's how it feels, and I mean we're talking about just Iowa, cedar Rapids, iowa and it just sucks because you just don't know who's next and you shouldn't have to think that way or feel that way and live your life that way. That is what brings on depression, because you just feel like like I constantly think about it's. You shouldn't have to think that way or feel that way and live your life that way. That is what brings on depression, cause you just feel like like I constantly think about it all the time, like man, okay, then if somebody else close to us and it's like we're going to go through it again. You know, and I think that's why we're just trying so hard to be there and to be helpful with, like his other siblings, because we don't want this to happen to them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, it would just be worse.
Speaker 2:I think the whole thing was harder for me because I'm a visual person, so the whole. I mean he got killed in his car and I put myself in the back of that car because, that is the only way I can experience it in a way to where I have all the answers and it's easier for me to deal with the grief. Like I still have a picture of him in the car.
Speaker 1:I know, I've never seen it.
Speaker 2:And I'm not going to show you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've never seen it.
Speaker 2:I mean, I have everything and I know everything, I have everything and I know everything. And with that, the hardest part is the more you know, the worse it gets. But then, the more you know, the more you feel like okay, I understand what happened and I can be at peace with it. When it's all said and done, yeah, instead of wondering what happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but see, imagine how I feel because I don't know I mean, you know, I mean I know the story, but I don't know every little detail.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know everything you know, you, I'm pretty sure you know everything. But it's just you didn't see the pictures you didn't see the pictures, you didn't see the you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:No, but I can envision it. Yeah, it's crazy, y'all, because I've had dreams of Mike showing up in my dreams. And the craziest part about it is there's and this is just for anybody that actually knows us and knows him but there's like literally a picture, I think, on his mom's, on your mom's Facebook Facebook, of him wearing a blue coat, a long blue coat. And when he first passed, that's when I started to have dreams and, if you guys don't know, I've I've always had like visual, prophetic dreams or like they just always mean something. And I remember one day I told Avery, I said, well, I woke up in the middle of my dream just crying, like I felt like I just experienced something, and then, all of a sudden, I was like it's almost like gasping for air and I just started crying, crying Cause I realized what I just saw.
Speaker 1:And basically, like he showed up in my dream and that same coat, and he was just smiling, like just like standing like this and just smiling, um, and I remember him. I don't remember exactly what he said, but I just remember him saying like I'm all right, that's what it was. He was like I'm all right and tell a that I'm all right, like tell Avery I'm, I'm fine. And then I remember telling Avery about the dream and, mind you, I hadn't even seen the picture of him in this coat. And then Avery was like, oh, I know what picture you're talking about. So I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like you can't tell me that dreams don't like, they aren't real. It was too real and I know everybody has their own opinions on it and it's fine, but for me it gives me peace and I really. Everybody has their own opinions on it and it's fine, but for me it gives me peace and I really do feel like it was him.
Speaker 2:so yeah, we gotta have a talk on Bradley he got me up here shedding tears yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:I hope that answered the question no, it wasn't no question.
Speaker 2:We gotta have a talk now. I like that. Yeah, yeah, it's been not ever been the same, since this feels like a long episode.
Speaker 1:Really yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker 2:Feels like a long episode. It doesn't feel long, but it feels like I don't know. I can't explain.
Speaker 1:I mean it wasn the the vibes that we went to bring to you guys, but uh, we did get asked that, so I mean, I'm sure somebody, somebody is dealing with this. So I'm sure it'll help somebody as long as it helps somebody, you know I mean, I hope so if you guys are still like dealing with the grief and you don't have anyone to talk to yeah, reach out to erica because she I was just gonna say she thinks I give bad advice no, I just don't think that it's hard to go to somebody, somebody that, like it's home based, like I don't think a lot of people would come to you about it because they probably don't want to bring it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I mean like like we know someone that we don't think a lot of people would come to you about it because they probably don't want to bring it up. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like we know someone that we don't really talk about it with because we don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's like they don't really have anybody to talk to. It's hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we don't. I mean that's one thing, like if somebody came to me and was like you know, I'd talk about it.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I'm not against, I would always talk about it but there's certain details that I keep for the family, because those details don't need to be out there For one.
Speaker 1:For two. It's like if I give this person this information it could make it worse. Well, before we go like with that being said, what kind of advice would you give to your kids based off how that happened? Because, like we said, we can't go into detail, but it's somebody that he thought was like a friend.
Speaker 2:I mean, all we can do is make sure they're the type of person that would help someone that needed help and, I guess, just be smart.
Speaker 1:I mean, we raised our kids to make the right decision and we gotta have faith in that yeah, do you feel like like it affected you at all how you view people around you or who you trust?
Speaker 2:I mean not really, because Mike was the type of person to where, if you know, him. You knew what was going on in his life and stuff like that. The way he carried himself versus the way I carry myself is two different things, but I understood. You know what I mean. Like, the way he is may come from how he grew up. It may come from who he was around for a certain part of his time.
Speaker 2:his life or it could be from you know. However, whatever happened with any situation, so the way we, the way we grow up, kind of it, it determines like you feel like that people were around?
Speaker 1:do you feel like that wouldn't happen to you? Is that what you're trying to say?
Speaker 2:I don't think it would to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I mean.
Speaker 2:But when you're in the streets, in the street life is different, and I'm not in a street life.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I think you're very selective about who you have around you. Yeah, you know, I like I just I see I've seen it before Like that's why I'm so crazy about who the girls have. When I feel a vibe from somebody and it feels not right, my mind instantly goes. See, I think I'm just I'm I'm like traumatized by it, because I feel like my mind goes there. If I feel like the girls have a friend that's a little envious or doing things they shouldn't be doing, I'm immediately like I do not like your friend and I don't care. I don't care.
Speaker 1:It's like I don't want them to not have friends, but that situation affected me so much that, like, I guess that's what I mean. I want them to have good discernment. I want them to really know when something doesn't feel right, to really know when something doesn't feel right or when somebody is envious of you or they. You know they don't really like you, but they're pretending to, because, I've seen it, the girls are only 10 and 12 and some of their friends is very questionable. It's like I tell them all the time you need to be more cautious about who you choose to pick as a friend and don't throw the word friend around so lightly yeah and that's the thing.
Speaker 2:Like my brother he was he just loved everybody there's things he's seen when he was a kid or when he was older or things that he went through in life and some of those things he went through by himself. Some of those things I know about. But there's certain things he said before he died. He said this is something I'm gonna take to the grave. But there's certain things he said before he died. He said this is something I'm going to take to the grave.
Speaker 2:And there's certain things that he's seen in his life which determine how he handled situations or how he did this.
Speaker 2:But also you got to realize there's there's certain things that are in your genes that you can't not deal with or you cannot be. You know what I what I mean like for me, my dad likes women. I, I like women, but I have to be disciplined to where okay, instead of me being that, I know I want a family. I know I want a wife and kids. So that's I have to be disciplined enough to not do that. But naturally that's just in the genetics. So there's certain things in his genetics that are you just feel like it was like.
Speaker 1:You basically feel like it was inevitable, that it was going to happen at some point um, I don't think that not the way that it happened.
Speaker 2:I think that he was going to make decisions that he wanted to make in general, and no one would be able to stop him from making those decisions and he was going to do what he wanted to do, because that's what he wanted to do. You can tell someone not to do something so many times, he can deal with the results of his actions so many times, but eventually the outcome is not going to be as great or as easy as the previous outcome.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So no yeah.
Speaker 1:I know what you mean.
Speaker 2:You have to deal with it. Karma whether it's karma or whatever the case may be, it's just something you got to deal with. You know karma doesn't miss.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just sucks, because I know he was trying to do better, though. Yeah, I mean, there were still little things, obviously, yeah, but um, I feel like he was trying to do better, yeah, but I feel like he was trying to reach his perfection, and then that's when he went. Yeah, it's just crazy. So, yeah, but all.
Speaker 2:We will catch you guys in the next episode. Like. Follow the podcast. Subscribe to the channel. Follow us on our Spotify and Apple podcast.
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Speaker 1:Let us know what you guys want us to talk about. Next, let us know what you guys want us to talk about next.
Speaker 2:Let us know what you guys want us to talk about next. What else, hey?
Speaker 1:don't forget my question about avery and april, though y'all better leave.
Speaker 2:Leave a comment, tell him now that you ain't gotta do all right, but all right, we'll see you guys the next one bye.
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