Growing Through Broken Bonds

n this episode of The Other Half Podcast, hosts Cruze and Erika dive deep into a raw and reflective conversation: "What did you go through as a kid that still affects you today?"

We share personal stories from our childhoods, how those experiences shaped who we are today, and how we continue to grow and heal through open dialogue. Whether it’s trauma, tough love, or just the little moments that stuck with us — we unpack it all.

💬 Drop your thoughts in the comments: What did YOU go through as a kid that still affects you today?

🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and turn on notifications for more real conversations every few week.

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Transcript

Wanting What Others Have

Speaker 1 0:00

Like my other friends . My other friends always had a mom and a dad , so I always wanted that to . Just like you always wanted a father , I always wanted a mom and a dad . All the cartoons I watch had a mom and a dad everything . So it affected me still and I feel like I dealt with that in silence . I had no . I had no other way to deal with it . So I think it affects you both ways .

Speaker 2 0:32

All right , both ways all right . Welcome back to another episode of the other half podcast with me the biggest tino you know yes and uh , miss , miss erica favorite miss erica . She's all right , I guess . So how was your week ?

Speaker 1 0:44

pretty busy , productive can't complain you're in the uh .

Speaker 2 0:48

What do you call it ? You're in the uh self , not even self-employed , but pretty much field . Now , how's that ?

Speaker 1 0:57

um , I would just say that uncomfortability is good and I've learned that now I can truly say that I do love what I do .

Speaker 2 1:08

I'm glad I've stuck it out .

Speaker 1 1:10

I'm a full body waxer , by the way , you guys .

Speaker 2 1:13

Yeah , she waxes nasty stuff .

Speaker 1 1:16

Yeah , I don't mind it . Yeah , just busy . What were you asking me ?

Speaker 2 1:22

Busy ? No , I just said how was your week . It was busy . Are you tired , Busy ?

Speaker 1 1:25

What were you asking ?

Speaker 2 1:26

me Busy . No , I just said how was your week , your wonderful week . Dang , are you tired ?

Speaker 1 1:29

Yes .

Speaker 2 1:30

I'm always tired .

Speaker 1 1:31

I feel like I'm feeling Avery's every day .

Speaker 2 1:35

You hear that .

Speaker 1 1:36

Every day .

Speaker 2 1:38

Every day your boy be grinding .

Speaker 1 1:42

Yeah , I feel like I'm a step closer to self-employment . I mean , I can be in my suite when I don't have a guest , I can be on my phone watching Netflix . Whatever I want to do , I like it and I have a great , great manager .

Speaker 2 1:54

That's good , that's good . What about you ? My week was busy All the graduations .

Speaker 1 2:02

Oh yeah , We've had graduations to go to you had graduations , all my clients had graduations . Yeah , we've just been everywhere yeah so it's been busy yeah , but it's only been a couple months since we posted a podcast . I know we said every week , or I said every week , you guys , but y'all should have knew , but listen when we post a podcast . He not only has to . You know , you got to edit it . It takes time . So that's why you guys won't see it for a few weeks .

Speaker 2 2:34

Anyways .

Speaker 1 2:36

A couple weeks , yeah , you being consistent .

Speaker 2 2:38

Yeah , I feel you , I feel you . But yeah , we've had graduations . How does it feel to have one , two kids ?

Speaker 1 2:46

out of high school you have two grown children now yeah , I know I'm very proud to say that I have two graduated , three more to go , and I really have faith in all my kids . I know that all my kids are going to graduate , so I'm just really proud of them . I'm also really proud of my brother-in-law , guy . He just graduated today and Mia graduated yesterday . So shout out to Guy and Mia A diamond .

Speaker 2 3:16

Then we got April going to middle school , we got Robert going to high school . We got a full house .

Speaker 1 3:26

So we're going to be busy and stressed out and tired , okay .

Speaker 2 3:30

Eric will be stressed .

Speaker 1 3:31

I'll be chilling . Yeah .

Speaker 2 3:34

All right , so our icebreakers . For today , I picked a card this week . Are you ready for this ? Are you ready for this ? I need you to have extra respect on me when you answer this question . All right , like extra , extra what all right . Ask each person in the group when were you most proud of me ? That's , that's the card . When were you most proud of me ?

Speaker 1 4:08

most proud . That's hard , because I was really proud of you when you graduated barber school , I feel like , because that was like that was such a I feel now that I've gone through myself it is so stressful and like trying to work and go to school at the same time but I would say , probably when you got your suite , your first suite , and you weren't at a barbershop , that , like you know , you wanted your own kind of thing , but not necessarily a barbershop , but you got your own keys to your own suite . That was a moment , I think , for me . Yeah , I feel like .

Speaker 2 4:47

That's when I would say I was most proud of you . That's what's up . That's what's up . Yeah , for those of you who don't know barber school . I worked at Verizon full time and I went to school barber school so it was some long days .

Speaker 1 5:01

Yeah , and it was rough for our relationship too , I know that .

Speaker 2 5:04

Because you was mean . That's when you were in your real hispanic phase . Now you're all right , you're all bougie , because you live in arizona , but back then , yeah , she was walking around ross with one shoe on why are we going back to that ?

Speaker 1 5:17

that is not part of the question . I want to see the video .

Speaker 2 5:19

You just want to roast me today don't worry about it anyways yeah , that was back in the day .

Podcast Introduction and Check-in

Speaker 1 5:27

Well , that's good yeah how many years ago was that ? Was what when you got your suite , I would say three years ago um , I think it was january , not january .

Speaker 2 5:38

November 2022 , something like yeah something like 2022? . Something like that , something like that . So that's about three years , because I did two years at Sola , one year at Signature already . I'm a real business owner out here in these streets . One day you're going to be like me .

Speaker 1 5:59

I will .

Speaker 2 5:59

Then I can be a stay-at-home dad .

Speaker 1 6:01

No , I'm not doing that . I'm not a stay-at-home mom , so you're not going to be a stay-at-home dad .

Speaker 2 6:08

No , I'm not doing that .

Speaker 1 6:09

I'm not a stay-at-home mom , so you're not gonna be a stay-at-home dad . No respect bro , no respect just saying okay , okay what it says , ask each other so you don't have a moment when you're proud of me .

Speaker 2 6:19

You ain't asking me , okay , when it was what's the question ?

Speaker 1 6:22

let me see it .

Speaker 2 6:24

Here you go , Read the card ma'am .

Speaker 1 6:27

Okay , when were you most proud of me ? Yeah , you know , I've been around you for everything .

Speaker 2 6:35

You got your visa . Well , I wasn't there for the first time . You got your visa .

Speaker 1 6:39

I didn't have a visa , I had DACA Same thing .

Speaker 2 6:45

Anyways , you had that . Then you got your job at Macy's .

Speaker 1 6:51

You're proud of me working at Macy's .

Speaker 2 6:53

Yes , because you were no longer in the gas station .

Speaker 1 6:55

Man , yes , yeah , y'all , I worked at Circle K for three years . Oh , I love it here .

Speaker 2 7:00

Perfume . It's not perfume , it's whatever Perfume . Whatever it is bro no , the other one , yeah , yeah , I love that job you were working at uh long comb , I got manager you got manager at long comb in iowa so you're working in makeup and all that stuff . Then came here , got , got your citizenship Dang . And then what . Then what you graduated .

Speaker 1 7:34

Dang , and then what ? Then you ?

Speaker 2 7:37

went to school .

Speaker 1 7:38

And then what ?

Speaker 2 7:39

Then you graduated school . I was hurting one of them times . I want y'all to know this . So yeah , it was rough . While she was in school I was hurting one of them times . I want y'all to know this . Yeah , it was rough while she was in school . The income was down .

Speaker 2 7:51

Then you got your job finally . Now I was proud of you when you had the conversation with your kids about what happened to you and what you went through in life . Because I asked romeo , I said , do you know what happened to your mommy ? He had no idea and you could tell there was still something there . And then he was like I asked him do you blame her ? And she was like he was like I don't really care anymore yeah , it's like's , like you don't care , but you don't know , mm-hmm . So , yeah . I don't even know .

Speaker 2 8:30

Even though I had to push you hard .

Speaker 1 8:32

I don't even think they know what you're talking about . But Well Y'all , my life is a story , it's a book .

Speaker 2 8:39

Yeah , no .

Speaker 1 8:40

There's reasons why certain things have gone the way that they have Like yeah , it doesn't make sense to people . They're like oh , you just graduated or you just got . Yeah , there's a lot .

Speaker 2 8:49

She didn't graduate high school . She was skipping out , trying to be in the streets gangbanging and all that . She shot somebody you are lying right now .

Speaker 1 8:58

I definitely dropped out . I dropped out when I was 17 . Yep , then just made so many other bad decisions , but I had a lot of stuff I feel like too . That just held me back a lot . Made my what do you call it ? My journey difficult .

Speaker 2 9:11

Then she met me and you're just a pusher . That's a you know story for another time .

Speaker 1 9:17

Yeah , so you were most part of me when I had that conversation .

Speaker 2 9:21

Yeah , you know why ? No , Because you didn't want to do it and I could tell you didn't want to do it . That's probably . I mean everything you've been through is hard .

Speaker 1 9:31

Do you know why I didn't want to do it though ?

Speaker 2 9:32

Everything you've been through is hard , though .

Speaker 1 9:34

Yes , I know . Do you know ? Do you know why I didn't want to do it , Even though I know ? I should have . Don't want people to feel bad for me or for it to seem like an excuse . I felt like there was never an excuse or reason why things went the way that they did for them . They deserved so much more and I feel like my story is not their problem yeah so that's why I never wanted to have that conversation .

Speaker 1 9:56

but then obviously , after having the conversation , it makes more sense to them and they understand .

Speaker 2 10:02

they don't feel like it's their fault , yeah , but what you went through should also not have made someone resent you , so . Yeah , but you know , it is what it is .

Speaker 1 10:18

You feel like they should when you're in my situation .

Speaker 2 10:21

Why it's fine , cause you live in your learn .

Speaker 1 10:25

you make a lot of decisions that you could have did differently yeah , but you were young .

Speaker 2 10:28

I know when you're young you can't you can't have someone blame you for decisions you made when you were young .

Speaker 1 10:36

I made a lot of bad decisions yeah , but I also feel like I didn't have people like you in my life to like the go . No , I mean seriously like I don't think I had people in my life to really push me to do what's better for me or to like make me think , like to actually make me think and make better decisions . Everyone would always just be like you're hard-headed and that's it . No , like nothing , just no real conversations , nothing to really like . It's more like getting on my a** or my butt .

Speaker 3 11:08

Sorry , getting on my butt . We went to church today and she cussed no .

Speaker 1 11:12

I'm just saying a** is in the Bible . I'm saying like getting on my butt , like you know , I don't know you . Just you have to have people in your life that they're not going to , they're not going to make excuses for you and say , it's okay , but they're still going to tell you but you can do this , or you can still do this , or you'll figure it out . And yeah , I just don't feel like I had that . So it kind of goes into

Proud Moments and Graduation Season

Speaker 1 11:37

our topic for today .

Speaker 2 11:39

What's our topic for today ?

Speaker 1 11:41

Did you have it ?

Speaker 2 11:42

Yeah , I had the topic , so stop trying to tell my topic when I picked the topic to go true , all right , our topic today is what is something you went through as a child that still affects you today that boy's spitting boy , now you go first ladies first , gentlemen , no , you go first . Ladies first . Gentlemen , first no , ladies , first Go ahead .

Speaker 1 12:14

We want to hear this because you just that goes into our topic today , I know , but I cause mine's kind of I don't even know Mine's kind of a couple things .

Speaker 2 12:19

Well , we got time . Y'all got a little time right , the one .

Speaker 1 12:23

I'll say real quick , cause I don't really need to go into it . I also don't know if my mom watches these , and I don't need her to . We've had good conversations recently , though , where I'm like , okay , you don't remember this , but I do , and this is why I'm the way that I am . I would say seeing domestic violence at the age of eight . I never forgot it , I can still visually see it in my mind and I feel like that affected me . And because I got into relationships , that of domestic violence was there and I didn't know the difference , which is why I allowed it . So to me it was still love , because my mom still stayed with someone who she loved , or who loved her but still abused her . So I feel like that affected me growing up , and then I would say my whole , like adoption , immigration , stuff that has affected me completely as an adult for sure why has it affected you as an adult ?

Speaker 1 13:26

Because it's so much to explain I don't know how to Everything Sum it up . I mean I couldn't work when I was 16 like everybody else .

Speaker 2 13:35

Yeah , but now you're an adult and you can , so how does it affect you today ?

Speaker 1 13:41

Well , I don't take working for granted . You affect in a good way or like what Like you know at all .

Speaker 1 13:48

I feel like I don't take work for granted . I've always been a really good hard worker . I have really good at work , work ethic , um , because I didn't get to work until I was like 26 . So that , um , I do also think going in like with the , with the two things like seeing that with my mom and like just not really ever seeing a healthy relationship between two people , whether it's a relationship or friends or family , not being able to see that and having to figure it out on my own . I feel like that's affected me as I've gotten older , and especially especially like with you and how we communicate , and I feel like we communicate the best , even though you say I'm spicy , my relationship before you were not healthy at all , so that's like a big one .

Speaker 2 14:38

We communicate the best out of all your relationships .

Speaker 1 14:40

Yeah , because you don't call me out of my name or disrespect me in an argument , or what do you call it ?

When You Were Most Proud of Me

Speaker 1 14:47

Disagreement ?

Speaker 2 14:48

I be getting beat on , so that's why .

Speaker 1 14:51

No , you don't .

Speaker 2 14:52

I be getting .

Speaker 1 14:55

Also . I feel like not See . It's a lot of things Not having a dad .

Speaker 2 15:00

So you have father issues .

Speaker 1 15:00

It's a woes me .

Speaker 2 15:02

You have father issues .

Speaker 1 15:05

I don't think I have father issues , but I never saw a man treat a woman right . Never . My mom didn't really date when I was growing up , so I only got to see that one relationship and then they divorced when I was like 10 .

Speaker 2 15:22

Well , that makes sense . Yeah .

Speaker 2 15:32

Interesting . What about ? You was like 10 . Well , that makes sense , yeah , interesting . Interesting for me . Um , I'd say just the relationship with my dad affects me today because I felt like , like people don't know , my dad was around , but he wasn't around . You know what I mean ? So zero . Or when I was a baby . Of course , I don't remember . I've never seen my parents together in a relationship when I was a kid , like all I knew was my dad's in prison . I never remember him being out of prison when I was a kid . So he was in prison until I was like 11 , gets out of prison and I'm making the effort . And that made it worse . I'm making the effort , I see him around all the time , all that , but it's like he's not making effort . I'm making effort . So there's no real relationship there .

Speaker 2 16:22

And as a kid it's like my brother got his dad , my sister got their dad . What's what's for me , you know I mean yeah , and it got to like when I was a kid , my dad was in prison .

Speaker 2 16:32

I looked at it like if I like my brother , he'd give me my brother mike , he'd give me everything . If it was his last dollar , he'd give it to me . But I didn't do the same because I was more selfish . It was like , okay , this dollar is all I have . If I give this to you , I don't have anything left for me . So that's how I looked at everything . And then he gets out Like I said I was making effort , he wasn't . And then I stopped making effort to see if it would change and it didn't . So it's like it is what it is and I dealt with . There's times where it was . It was just so bad for me because I wanted that relationship a lot more than he wanted it . So now it's like I understand who you are . It is what it is . I accept you for who you are , but I don't allow that in my life like I'm not , I'm not mad at him at all .

Speaker 2 17:27

I don't have any ill will towards him . But that affects me because now it's like I have to understand that someone can love me you know what I mean , and that's the biggest issue yeah that's why I always ask you why do you love me ? You ask me that all the time , because it's like it's one of those things like you don't realize until you realize yeah , because you know what I always say .

Speaker 1 17:54

I feel like it's like , whether it's a friendship or a family member that you have a relationship with . That is a struggle . It's just like being in a relationship yeah like it could be very I get .

Speaker 1 18:04

I kind of get what you're saying because in a sense , it's like like being in a relationship . Yeah , like it could be very I get . I kind of get what you're saying because in a sense , it's like being with somebody that you love , like in a relationship , and they don't love you the same way like I've been there . Yeah , they don't love you the same way , they're not reciprocating the same thing . It hurts , it's very painful and you want it so bad until you like one day realize okay , I need to just stop begging , you know .

Speaker 2 18:26

And that's what affected like that's how all my relationships were . It's like I liked that person more a lot of times and sometimes it wasn't the same on the other end .

Speaker 1 18:37

Oh yeah , that's why you said that . Yeah , because I liked you more , you liked me more , so why would you do that to me ?

Speaker 2 18:46

But I was like maybe I should chill . But I was like , oh , she liked me more . Okay , it's different right now . Be like that sometimes . If you like me , you like me . What's wrong with ?

Speaker 1 18:55

that ? What was the day that you realized you were going to like stop trying to make so much effort .

Speaker 2 19:02

In .

Speaker 1 19:02

In trying to reach out to him or have like a relationship with him .

Speaker 2 19:06

Um , I think it took me until . I was like 20 . Like so that's what , eight , nine years ? And it was like nothing's changed . If I don't call you , you don't call me . Like I don't remember the last time he called me and was like hey , how you doing what you got going on Anything .

Speaker 1 19:29

So it's like Isn't the last time that he called you when Mike died .

Speaker 2 19:33

Yeah , and then , on top of that , it's like my brother's dad calls me on my birthday . My father doesn't know my birthday at all . Yeah . I know every one of my kids' birthdays . I don't know all my siblings' birthdays . I know my kids' birthdays for sure . Yeah .

Speaker 1 19:55

But Big Mike also calls you just to check in on you . Yeah , all the time , all the time , not every day , but it's consistent . He calls me his , his son , so it's like to me .

Speaker 2 20:06

No matter what he does , big mike , no matter what he does , he'll always be a good guy to me because he did that he didn't have to , he yeah he bought me shoes when I didn't have any for school .

Speaker 2 20:19

You know what I mean so but I don't know , and that's that can be good and that could be bad , because someone could like for my situation is fine . But there's situations where someone could be a bad guy and if you can't tell this is a bad person and you look at them like , oh , no matter what they do , they're a good person to me . Yes , yeah that can be an issue , but yeah , it just .

Speaker 1 20:43

It just depends on the situation yeah , so it probably affected you , as you were dating yeah all that did it affect your relationship with your mom um it , it did later .

Speaker 2 20:57

Why ? Because I felt like she feels like I have no reason to be mad and I told her I've forgiven , I'm not mad at all , but she looks at it like you should have a relationship with your father and it's like that's gone . There's no , I don't care to , there's no reason for us to have a relationship at this point Everything .

Speaker 2 21:22

when I moved to Washington , everything I learned from my brother , cedric , was everything I wanted my dad to show me . I was 22 when I went out there and it's like I already given up on all that , but everything Cedric showed me was like what I expected my dad to show me .

Speaker 2 21:41

And that's just what it is what I expected my dad to show me and that's just what it is . So moving out to Washington and then being with you has made me a different person . Obviously , like I'm grown now I have to be an adult now but , I , wouldn't have been that , had I not moved out of Iowa yeah , you always say that because it was .

Speaker 2 21:59

It got to a point where , like my dad used to cut my hair all the time but I had to call them . Hey , you got somebody . Right now I'm gonna come up there and it's like that's cool and all , but you gotta do more than that as a father . You can cut my hair cool , but I can also go somebody else yeah , I think later in my life I started getting a haircut by uh , someone else oh yeah , I know , yeah , shout out to james .

Speaker 2 22:25

No , shout out . Shout out , james , for sure shout out easy , eric , that's . I shot a music video . He gave me my first beard . I'll never remember that . I mean , I'll never forget that I don't remember that , as I remember james you know the one where I'm in the white car , that music video yeah , that was my first time having a beard .

Speaker 1 22:47

I remember a blue car .

Speaker 2 22:49

With your blue shirt , mike and Tay in it so wavy . Yeah .

Speaker 1 22:52

Yeah .

Speaker 2 22:53

That one .

Speaker 1 22:56

Yeah , I mean so . I mean it's like I get where your mom's coming from . To an extent , we talk about this in private . I think you know what I think it is . I think it's her delivery . I don't think it's what she's saying Like , for example . Let me just explain

Childhood Trauma Affecting Adulthood

Speaker 1 23:13

it really quick .

Speaker 2 23:14

Okay , go ahead .

Speaker 1 23:15

I think she's listen , she's thinking from a godly perspective .

Speaker 2 23:20

Yeah .

Speaker 1 23:20

Where we're taught to love everybody , you know , care for everybody no matter what , like don't hold any grudges , that kind of thing in her mind . She feels , like you have , because you say I don't care .

Speaker 1 23:34

I don't want to have that relationship anymore , where for you it's more of a growth thing yeah you just are at a point in your life where you don't need that anymore and you're not going to settle for inconsistency and you don't really need a father anymore . So actually to kind of like flip that from a godly perspective , which we get a lot at church , is like well , you already have a heavenly father , so you don't need an actual father , and it's already affected you in the ways that it has of you as you've grown up . Now you're 33 hold on .

Speaker 2 24:08

Now you're putting extra years on it . You're putting extra years on it . You're going to chill out . Now you're 32 , almost walked out of this interview you're 32 , you'll be 33 though in a couple months no , I ain't I got , I got time no .

Speaker 1 24:20

So I mean , I get what she's saying , but I also relate to that because , like I don't have a relationship with my biological mother or my biological father , I hear from him maybe like three times . What is it I hear ? I hear like from him every three years and it's just hi , how are you doing ? That's it well what more ? Am . What more am I going to do with that you ?

Speaker 2 24:42

know with my mom is she doesn't accept my answer . She doesn't understand that . I'm fine . I'm not mad at anyone , everything is just fine . So I don't understand .

Speaker 1 24:57

Well , because it doesn't change the fact that it does affect you .

Speaker 2 25:01

I mean it affects me , but I'm not mad at anyone . Now it's like , okay , I understand , this is an issue with me that I have to grow through , and that's it . I don't have like , literally . I have no anger towards anyone or anything like that . It is what it is , but I also think that I think she could have done better when I was a kid , if that makes sense it would have made sense it's not .

Speaker 2 25:29

It's more of a don't allow inconsistent people into your kid's life , because had we allowed certain people in our kid's life , that could have messed them up . There was so many times where I sat at the window he said oh yeah , I'm going to come get you right now . I fell asleep at the window . You know what I mean .

Speaker 1 25:46

He never showed up .

Speaker 2 25:48

There was times where there was one time I was walking home , I was supposed to get picked up after basketball practice and I tell you guys all this , I tell you this all the time . I don't know if y'all know , but erica knows I hear this all the time , so let me tell the story , and this ain't to get no like no , yeah , it is what it is . It happened in the past but this is part of the story , because maybe he doesn't realize and this is a definite like .

Speaker 2 26:14

This is something I remember very , very well . So I got out of basketball practice . You know someone's supposed to pick me up . You know who Didn't pick me up . I sat there . No one . Everyone got picked up at the school . I sat there . It's freezing outside . No one came . Move your cord . You're worried about the cord ?

Speaker 1 26:38

I'm trying to tell a story Because I can hear it in my thing .

Speaker 2 26:41

No one came right , so I walked all the way home and this is not a close walk at all . I walked all the way home with a coat on and I was angry as hell I was so mad and I got home and my mom said like hey , uh , I don't even know what she said . I just walked to my room Me and my brother shared a room in the basement and when I got to the room I just sat there and my sister started being a little sister .

Speaker 1 27:16

Oh , I remember this one and I hit her .

Speaker 2 27:18

I hit her and my mom . She went and told my mom she was crying . My mom came downstairs Either she came downstairs or I came upstairs and I got a whooping and my grandma was my great-grandma . They brought the phone to me and it was my great-grandma and I don't remember what she said , but I cried . All I did was cry and that was it . So there's things like that .

Speaker 1 27:43

Did they know that he forgot to get you or he just never came ?

Speaker 2 27:46

I'm pretty sure my mom knew and that's why she called my grandma , but it's one of those like I'm not going to allow my kids to go through . I'm not even going to allow my siblings to go through that , because that's that is one of the worst stories that I remember , Like it's just it's engraved in your memory . Yeah , I can't forget it if I tried . So that's just a story . I just , I don't know that . Well , you shouldn't have hit her .

Speaker 1 28:15

I know I shouldn't but you were angry , I understand .

Speaker 2 28:17

Yeah .

Speaker 1 28:18

Kids fight . Yeah , yeah , yeah .

Speaker 2 28:19

So , you were siblings . Yeah , I'm pretty sure that was me and Maja .

Speaker 1 28:21

But she also didn't realize how you were hurting at the moment too , and how angry you were , and why .

Speaker 2 28:27

She used to stand at the top of the steps . Our light was at the top of the steps . She'd turn it on and run Every time . Who , maja ? The whole basement turned on All the lights in the basement off that one light at the top of the stairs , shout out to Maja , because she's the one that holds it down . Okay , she's all right , I guess .

Speaker 1 28:48

I mean , I don't know . I feel like maybe he doesn't even know . I feel like when , honestly , he could be very selfish himself if all he's really done is taking care of himself and that's what I understand too , because everyone's like .

Speaker 2 29:06

They say when you go to prison , whatever age you went in at is the same age you come out of . So he's stuck in the same time and he said yep . So I mean , I'm not mad , it is what it is . I understand you know you can be institutionalized whatever'm not mad , it is what it is , I understand he's .

Speaker 2 29:22

You know you can be institutionalized whatever yeah it is what it is , but as a father , I just I know I would do things different , you know . But that's what made me want to be a father . Like , at the end of the day , all I wanted to be was a father .

Speaker 1 29:41

That's it so yeah , well , that kind of thing affects people differently . Some people it would make them just like their father and not be a good example , not be , you know but it's crazy because , like in our group chat , we have all everyone doesn't have their father in their life .

Speaker 2 29:59

Um , I mean , there's one , one person without his mother in his life and we all I feel like that made us better people , better , that made us better fathers , better everything . But I see a lot of people with two parents in their life and it's like yeah you're a wreck . I wonder why sometimes it's just like I don't . I feel like .

Speaker 1 30:22

I feel like they're too sheltered in a way , if that makes sense , like but sometimes we have two parents .

Speaker 2 30:29

One parent is like I'll do everything for you , the other parent's strict and a lot of times you don't get to do things for yourself yeah so that's true I don't know yeah whereas , like if you have a single parent , they're usually busy working and you just do whatever you want . That's how it was for me . You're doing whatever you want or you're trying to make their life easier . A lot of times . So yeah . Yeah . But it's crazy . Life is crazy . But I apologize to Maja . Oh no , we're grown . Good , why you ?

Speaker 1 31:02

say good like that Because you were wrong . For that I'm going to say it . No , I wasn't .

Speaker 2 31:07

As a kid .

Speaker 1 31:08

Yes , you were , you should not be putting your hands on no female , first of all For one Period .

Speaker 2 31:14

As a kid . Kids fight For two .

Speaker 1 31:20

I socked up every one of my siblings . Yeah , but I don't play about that . You know me with all my stuff . I don't like , girl . If anybody put their hands on my daughters , it would not be a good situation .

Speaker 2 31:30

What you gonna do and they're in my home . They will be out quick what you gonna do .

Speaker 1 31:35

They would be out . You're not allowed around me or my daughters . I don't care what it's about me or my daughters , I don't care what it's about I . I'm so dead serious . I hope everybody that comes in this house knows that I will not play about that . I don't care if she hits you first , I don't care . Nope , you know what I think .

Speaker 2 31:52

Sometimes too , it's like one day she go hit somebody first .

Speaker 1 31:56

But if it's playing around , that's different but if it's playing around and they're playing around , that's different . But if you know you're stronger than them and you're going to hurt them , hurt them . That's different . Like I feel like when I got beat down to the ground for the first time , I literally threw a pillow at a man . That does not hurt you .

Speaker 2 32:14

That's me being sassy , or whatever you know Me and Manja was the same size . You forgot she's 6'5" .

Speaker 1 32:23

It doesn't matter Anyways , yeah yeah . So that's your thing that affected you growing up , mainly your father's situation , see , and I feel like it's probably good . I didn't have any inconsistency at all Because my mom deaded that by the time I was 10 .

Speaker 2 32:45

Yeah .

Speaker 1 32:45

So I didn't ever have like a man . My mom didn't even start dating until I was already way in my 20s Like she really just gave her all to me .

Speaker 2 32:58

When I posted one of the reels that said would you rather have a parent that's completely absent ?

Speaker 1 33:04

or inconsistent .

Speaker 2 33:05

There's a lot of people I mean everybody agreed that an absent parent is easier to deal with because an inconsistent one causes more damage while they're there , you know what I mean .

Speaker 1 33:18

Yeah , that's why I cut that off for sure . Yeah , but then I still wonder sometimes which is conversations I need to just have with them as they get older , if that affects them , because I still feel like I see a lot of Asia in me where , like , because I didn't have a dad around , I always felt like something was wrong with me because we never had men that would stay .

Speaker 1 33:42

Well , you grew up way different than asia yeah , no , but like she's just like me , like wants to stay in the room , be by herself . She does say that she sometimes feels depressed . Like you have to wonder . You know what's going on in their minds , because when I was that age , I I went through . When I was 13 , I was already suicidal and my mom had no idea why . She never understood it , because in her mind she's like but I'm giving everything to you and I'm around . I lacked something , I didn't have , what was missing yeah like my other friends .

Speaker 1 34:16

My other friends always had a mom and a dad , so I always wanted that too . Just like you always wanted a father , I always wanted a mom and a dad . All the cartoons I watch had a mom and a dad everything . So it affected me still and I feel like I dealt with that in silence . I had no . I had no other way to to deal with it . So I think it affects you both ways , but , yeah , that makes sense , that makes sense .

Speaker 2 34:43

That makes sense yeah y'all let us know what's something that you as a child affected you to where it affects you now ? Is that right

Walking Home Alone: A Defining Memory

Speaker 2 34:55

Now , she want ? To talk to the chat . That's crazy , it's crazy .

Speaker 1 35:03

No , but I've always wondered that if you were , fully healed from that . Honestly , I'm always healed do you ever feel like you want to just like reach out though sometimes and just be like hey ? No you know , you don't have any feeling at all I have no feeling at all . Yeah , okay , I know what you mean . I relate to you .

Speaker 2 35:25

You know , the last time I actually seen him no , before the funeral was the last funeral I went to and he said can I talk to you ? Mm-hmm . And I stepped aside and I talked to him and I just heard what he said . I just said shook his hand , walked off . It is what it is do you have ?

Speaker 1 35:53

no relationship but do you have him like where he can actually contact you ?

Speaker 2 35:58

uh , yeah , he has my phone number .

Speaker 1 36:00

And have you heard from him since then .

Speaker 2 36:02

No .

Speaker 1 36:04

Not even one little anything .

Speaker 2 36:07

A comment that says love you son , love you son . Yeah , I see that too , mm-hmm . If you're a parent , it doesn't really matter . Love you son on a Facebook post , a TikTok post , it doesn't .

Speaker 1 36:22

Yeah .

Speaker 2 36:23

If you're not actually trying to upkeep a relationship , it doesn't matter , yeah and baby steps matter too .

Speaker 1 36:32

Yeah , but it's like no , I mean like in private though .

Speaker 1 36:35

Like if he would text you at least , even if it was like once every couple months , and just be like how's everything going ? That's how I feel , like with the , with the girl's grandfather . Like I don't hear from him every day , but he's so consistent in the sense of like every holiday , every , every , every , every month . At least I hear from him , even if it's just I'm checking on you and then trying to fly out just to come and see him . You know , that's what I will allow .

Speaker 2 37:06

I'm not going to allow another grandparent that I only hear from every couple years that there's a difference . Yeah , and I think for me , I think , like I talk to my aunt all the time , she reaches out all the time and I mean I guess the last few times , the last few times I seen him were at funerals and it's like , yeah , don't talk to me if it's just a funeral kind of situation .

Speaker 1 37:35

His family members do that .

Speaker 2 37:37

It's not even . I don't know , it's not even . It doesn't hold any weight . Yeah , whereas the first time I talked to . I mean , I don't remember when I met Jeanette , but she's never been , she's always treated me like family . And then , when my grandma died , you , yeah , you didn't go to that .

Speaker 1 38:01

I didn't get to go to her funeral , but I was there when she died .

Speaker 2 38:04

Yeah . So when she died I literally told my grandpa like I'm done with all y'all , like I don't want nothing to do with y'all . And my grandpa . I mean , he's passed away now , but even him like inconsistent .

Speaker 1 38:23

Yeah .

Speaker 2 38:23

But they always said that he was like that with his kids . So my grandpa , I told my grandpa that and chanette was one of the first like she's one of the only people who confronted me about it was like you said this don't write us off because we didn't do anything to you and that that was true , and ever since then she's made an effort .

Speaker 2 38:44

She proved why you shouldn't do that yeah but she wasn't around them her whole life either . Like you know , I'm saying like she had . I feel like she had a similar situation to me .

Speaker 1 38:56

So or like I think , of ashley too , like ashley's dealt with the same thing as you , but she's a great mother yeah and teaches them the same thing as as you try to our kids , and she only wants consistency . But I think it's harder for women because they always want that dad . So I'm sure every now and then they still reach out , whereas you don't at all .

Speaker 2 39:21

No , there's conversations I've had with some of my siblings and some of them were like I just want a dad in my life , so I'm going to allow this relationship and then later it's like it is what it is .

Speaker 1 39:35

And then also them accepting him for how he is , though .

Speaker 2 39:38

Yeah .

Speaker 1 39:40

I just would not want that at all .

Speaker 2 39:42

Yeah , because people are different . It was just like I accept you for who you are , but I can't allow you to continue to do this to me , in a sense , like I can't do it . You can only do so much . You can only tolerate so much . Especially at a young age , Like in my 30s . It's like I wouldn't have allowed it at all In my 20s . I gave it a chance . I wouldn't have allowed it at all In my 20s . I gave it a chance . It was like here's an idea .

Speaker 2 40:13

And it's crazy because there was a time where you know Big John , me and Big John . I was like it's my birthday , man , what are we doing ? Blah , blah , blah . I used to be with Big John every day . He said , man , we're going to go up here and see your pops man . I said he don't know it's my birthday . He thought I was playing . He went in there . He had to tell him it was my birthday and I was like I don't even want to be here , like I already knew what to expect but john is a is a family guy yeah john , john , shout out to john .

Speaker 1 40:42

He lost his pops at an early age , so I understand it tries to unite , but it's like because I could see that because your dad's still alive , so he sees potential , like he's , he thinks that there's still faith there . Yeah , but at the end of the day , like I said , it's it's everybody's different . I don't think that any of your other siblings are wrong necessarily , for so like , if they hear from him , great . If they don't , whatever it doesn't . If they're still , it's still healthy for them in a sense , because they know what to expect . They've already accepted how he is , but they're not going to completely write him off , if that makes sense , whereas you and I are like people at least for me , I just will write you off yeah I just don't , you know , I don't , I don't care for the inconsistency and , and yeah , you know , when it's inconsistent , when it's not , right

Speaker 2 41:34

so and it's crazy because , like I go , I go back home and there's a lot of . I can't even call it home no more . I go back to iowa and there's a lot of people hey , what's going on with you and you and your dad or you look just like your dad , bro . I don't want to hear that . I don't want to hear it .

Speaker 2 41:51

I don't want to hear , I look like my dad . I don't want to hear how you and your dad and what happened and what's wrong and what's up with y'all . It's like , bro , the person you know is not the person I know . He could be a cool friend , all this . That's cool . I don't know that person . I don't know any person .

Speaker 1 42:12

Yeah .

Speaker 2 42:13

It is what it is .

Speaker 1 42:14

Yeah , and I don't think it makes a difference that you're in a different state , because he may make an effort to go see other people every now and then when he wants to , but he doesn't contact you , and that's what they don't realize , and it's not your job to reach out to him just because you're an adult I remember we it was a conversation like oh , he only called me when he wants something , so then I started calling and I was like hey how you doing man ?

Speaker 2 42:35

I just called to check on you . Had a conversation hung up , cool . Didn't hear from him for years , didn't hear from him for years . So it's like I can't be the only one putting in effort .

Speaker 1 42:48

Yeah , yeah , that's what I'm saying . It's like a relationship too . Yeah . I'm like that with anybody friends , everything .

Speaker 2 42:59

I know you cut people off too fast sometimes how , I don't know , no , but I think but I also think you just like to pull the trigger .

Speaker 1 43:06

But I also think that I've had so much growth as a woman , a young adult and a mom that , like I , refuse to settle for you tired , you know

Healing vs. Holding On

Speaker 1 43:19

. I know , me too .

Speaker 1 43:20

No , I'm just saying I don't want to settle for anything Inconsistent . People give me anxiety . I don't want to deal with it and and and I don't expect you whether you're a friend or whoever like to reach out to me every week , but like there is , you can tell when someone's being a consistent friend or when they only reach out to you when they want something from you yeah I don't like that , and if you start to notice me , distance myself . That is why I want to feel like we're reciprocated yeah it's just like relationships .

Speaker 1 43:49

So like I think of my , my friendship with maribel . That is the one friend that I don't have to hear from all the time . We probably reach out to each other every few months or somewhere on social media . We don't talk on the phone , but I know that nothing has changed . We are still good , but it's because we there's a bond there and there's consistency and innocence where we know nothing's wrong . It's just you have to be able to have that there , and if you don't and you realize that somebody's only reaching out to you for their own benefit , that's when I will cut you off or I will slowly pull away . I'll stop reaching out . Then I'll probably cut you off . But I give people chances . I give them chances . Until I see a pattern and I'm not , I'm not gonna deal with that remember you gave me chances how many chances did I give you ?

Speaker 1 44:43

huh how many chances did I give you talk about ? It more than enough no , they want to know .

Speaker 2 44:49

Y'all want to know . They said no .

Speaker 1 44:50

What chances did I give you ? They said no .

Speaker 2 44:52

All right , wrap it up , wrap it up Expeditiously , wrap it up .

Speaker 1 44:57

I'll give you one shot . Why do you want it ? I gave you one shot . No , you didn't . You broke up with me .

Speaker 2 45:05

Exactly , that's a second shot , okay so .

Speaker 1 45:08

I gave you one more try .

Speaker 2 45:13

That's it . You be delusional .

Speaker 1 45:14

He broke up with me because he was stressed , no , and I was being a little crazy .

Speaker 2 45:19

Yeah , there we go , get to it .

Speaker 1 45:24

But that's another story for another time . Okay , because if you heard what I heard , you would have been crazy too , look here , all I know is like subscribe , like subscribe . Comment share this video and yeah , and I know y'all be coming at me in the comments and stuff about certain things I say we said we're gonna keep it transparent okay transparent and I have my own opinions , you don't have to agree own opinions yes that's exactly what you have anyways , um , yes , like subscribe , let us know what you guys want us to talk about .

Speaker 1 45:57

We need you guys to . You know reciprocate , leave a comment , let us know there's anything we haven't talked about . As you can see , we'll talk about anything . And yeah , send it , we'll see about anything . And yeah , it's the end of this episode .

Speaker 2 46:11

We'll see you next time . This is the Other Half Podcast . Adios amigos . Bye .