The Other Half Podcast
The other half can be many things. Most of all it is your perspective, your narrative, your side of the story. We are here to hear the other half of the story.
The Other Half Podcast
A Decade of Growing Together: How We First Connected
Have you ever wondered what those first tentative messages that spark a lifelong connection actually look like? In this deeply personal episode, we pull back the curtain on our relationship's origin story as we celebrate a decade together.
The year was 2015. A chance nightclub sighting at the Town Crier in Tri-Cities, Washington. A determined Facebook message the morning after. And just like that, our journey began. What makes this episode special is that we actually read our original Facebook messages from August 2, 2015—preserved exactly as they were written. You'll hear our authentic first impressions, the careful dance of getting to know someone new, and those moments of vulnerability that laid the foundation for everything that followed.
We go beyond just telling our "how we met" story to explore what's kept us together through ten years of growth, challenges, and change. From breaking down gender role expectations (yes, he does laundry and cooks!) to the years-long process of learning to communicate effectively with each other, we share the raw truth about building a partnership that works. As Tino reveals his journey to better emotional awareness through journaling, and Erika considers therapy for her communication challenges, we discuss how creating safe spaces for vulnerability has strengthened our bond.
Whether you're single, newly dating, or decades into a partnership, this conversation offers honest insights about what it means to truly grow together. Because sometimes the path to a solid relationship isn't finding someone perfect—it's finding someone willing to work through the imperfections alongside you. Have a question about relationships or a topic for a future episode? Drop it in the comments below and don't forget to subscribe to join us on this journey.
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hi guys hola been a minute since we've been back tell them where you've been I've just been busy with life and then now I'm sick, so I'm actually not that great today, but I showed up you're gonna want me to touch my mic, so let me touch my mic, right now.
Speaker 1:So the challenge for today's podcast is going to be, first of all, no touching of the mic my gosh.
Speaker 2:Okay, where's the love?
Speaker 1:where's the?
Speaker 2:love. Anyways, since she ain't bring us in, right, allow me. This is the other half podcast. I'm your boy, tino. You feel me big? Tino, that's what they call me in the streets. This is, um. Who are you? Erica okay, erica, what ledge?
Speaker 1:okay period the boss you tell them, girl, you tell them anyways, all right, so you can say what our video is going to be for today um, first of all, we're going to start with our icebreakers.
Speaker 2:I don't know why erica's trying to jump the gun and rush me into something I'm not ready for, but that's why I don't start it, because you try to correct me all the time anyways, all right.
Speaker 1:So I so well I pulled a few just because they're going to be kind of part of our relationship in our podcast today.
Speaker 2:Part of our topic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then they're also going to be. I can't think of the word, but it's like it keeps the conversation going. Okay, well, the first one is pretty much our podcast today. Hold on, let me get it. Let me get it right. Tell a story. How did you and your partner meet?
Speaker 2:Are you serious? I look Erica's stressing me out today I see what's going on here, you don't want to do that one. It says tell a story about how you and your partner met.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I told her before this, our topic for today was how we met.
Speaker 1:Hey, how you going to pull a card.
Speaker 2:Okay, fine, alright, okay, this is the one that's already the topic.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the first one that I found. It says what is something your partner wants you to be more thoughtful about?
Speaker 2:What? Why did you pick this card?
Speaker 1:Because I already know there's something.
Speaker 2:You got something on your mind? No, I was thinking that you would have something on your mind?
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:More thoughtful about. I don't know If I had to say I don't know right now. I need a couple seconds to think about that because I gotta get in my bag what's something that you always tell me. I tell you a lot that I could work on you know what's something you could work on.
Speaker 2:You could smile a little more. Sometimes you come in the house and you just be very unapproachable, like you're just about to beat the skin off one of us how, okay, wait, how, almost 10 years in, you want to tell me I should smile more.
Speaker 1:You sound like everybody else. I don't know you right now.
Speaker 2:Do it.
Speaker 1:That is my biggest pet peeve. I don't understand why my face bothers other people. I'm not Okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, if you wake up in the morning or you come home from work and I say, hey, how's it going? And you say, good, you see how that sounds Like. Don't bother me. I'm not in the mood for this right now.
Speaker 1:I probably don't want to be bothered, okay. That's the one thing. What did you think You've been making me look bad? People are already roasting me all the dang time. What did you think the one thing would be?
Speaker 2:What did you think the one thing would be?
Speaker 1:More affectionate.
Speaker 2:I already tell you that enough.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:I need to do something different.
Speaker 1:Anyways, it's fine, you guys, we just let you enter our whole relationship. It's cool. No, I don't know. Anyways, I don't know something that hold on, let me think. Actually, actually, you're where you're actually doing better at it. I think it's just being like thoughtful for me with you, like you're pretty much already perfect it, it's fine.
Speaker 2:But don't lie. I want to hear what you say about me. When you at work, are you talking to your friends? Y'all talking trash about y'all men.
Speaker 1:I do not talk trash, okay, is that what y'all do in the shop?
Speaker 2:Of course, Well, that's really rude. I'm just playing Dang.
Speaker 1:I would say this is going to go into another question, though, too. So I feel like I always this is my biggest thing Cause food. I don't know about you women, but food is the way to my heart. It really is. I'm like the man. I feel like I always make sure that he is fed. I feed everybody before me, I make sure he ate. You know what I mean. So we don't have gender roles. So he does cook food for me sometimes, when he knows I'm gonna have a long day and I come home and eat. But sometimes he doesn't. Okay, and sometimes he wants to cook, cook, but then he'll cook and it's like 10 o'clock at night and I literally said to him I want to try to eat before 8 pm because you know I probably need to. No, he still sometimes waits. What's a man do when he gets home? He gets on the game. Right, sure you know. Home, he gets on the game right Sure do.
Speaker 1:You know they don't stay on the game for an hour or two. They're on the game for at least five, six hours.
Speaker 2:And this man gets home early, he's on that game for about eight hours.
Speaker 1:Why are you lying? Because he started cooking.
Speaker 2:Erica, do you know the math of eight?
Speaker 1:hours, don't forget. We have a ring camera. I can see when you get home. If I get home at 6, 8 hours.
Speaker 2:It's 2 am. I be asleep by 2 am. That is a lie.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you're not in bed till 1 after the game. That's still not, I don't even care that he plays the game I'm just saying 6 hours. If you say you're going to make food make it in time.
Speaker 2:Be thoughtful, because I always make that you eat at a right at a good time. Okay, that's it all. Right, let me tell my story. Let me tell my side. Right, I gotta eat late. I'm gonna tell you why, why you think I gotta eat late, doesn't matter I gotta eat late because if it's a certain time and I'm hungry again, I don't want to feel hungry again.
Speaker 2:All right, if I eat too early, I get hungry by the end of the night, then I wake again. I don't want to feel hungry again. All right, if I eat too early, I get hungry by the end of the night, then I wake up and I don't always eat in the morning and I'm hungry again.
Speaker 1:I understand that, but that's about you See.
Speaker 2:Oh, you got to put your hand in my face.
Speaker 1:You're thinking about you again, all right, so that was the first one, so Can't believe this dog. What's today's video about? Go ahead?
Speaker 2:Today's video since she ruined the mood is about the first time we met. All right, so we're going to tell the story of the first time we met. I'm going to let you tell it why. Because I feel like you just know everything. I just want to know your perspective.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean the first time we met or the first time we saw each other, because I don't feel like we had a first time. I mean actually yeah.
Speaker 2:First time we saw each other. And then we met later, of course, but you know, first time, first time you laid eyes on the big fella.
Speaker 1:First time I met Avery was I had been single for six months. My friends dragged me out to Town Crier Shout out to Town Crier in Tri-Cities, washington. I did not want to go I'm not a clubber and anyway so I was sitting there. And then of course, I know his brother, cedric. So obviously, if I see Cedric, cedric was somebody that all my friends knew. He was a pretty popular guy, and then this guy was standing next to him.
Speaker 1:I think even like what rome, derome or whatever his name was there there's a couple of their friends, yeah so it was kind of one of those things where, like, I saw him, but honestly I wasn't looking, I didn't really pay attention and she seen me. You're that yeah, because I saw his brother and I was never ever interested in in his brother like everybody else, so kind of like one of those Look turn, that's funny. And then what happened?
Speaker 2:What happened, Erica?
Speaker 1:No. What's your version of when you no?
Speaker 2:you got to tell the rest, you got to tell your story. So then I can double back.
Speaker 1:OK, so well then after that. So we left early. I don't remember why. I think we just rest. You got to tell your story, so then I can double back. Okay, so well then after that. So we left early. I don't remember why, I think we just wanted to leave. We left early. Um, next morning I get a message on facebook from avery and basically he was, you know, trying to talk to me and at first I was like who's this guy? I honestly didn't know who you were. At first I was like who's this guy? I honestly didn't know who you were. At first I didn't piece the two together that you were the guy standing next to your brother.
Speaker 1:Then I looked at his Facebook page. Obviously I realized he had mutual friends with my friends. And then his brother, and then we ended up meeting back at the same place, I remember, because you were wearing a red long sleeve kind of hoodie shirt and then we just, yeah, we met there and we hung out with one of my other friends and just started talking and then we started dating all right, I'm gonna say this erica, don't got no friends, no more so old friends.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying. You know she had some friends that didn't like that she was dating me. Yeah, I said, girl, you better cut them off I don't have those friends anymore I ain't telling her to cut them off, but no, he didn't, it'd be like that.
Speaker 2:All right, this is what happened. Right, I'm out with my brother outside, outside, like like a little ratchet, you know, I'm saying out in these streets and uh, I had just moved to washington like a couple months before, right, I moved to washington in april. The day I seen erica was august 1st, see, I remember like it was yesterday. So I seen her august 1st it was. Uh, was that a saturday, I think? Yep, sound about right, sound about right then. Um, so we went out. I was like who is?
Speaker 2:that my brother got this lame friend. He's a a clown. All right, I'll tell you right now.
Speaker 1:Clown, he's a fan actually.
Speaker 2:So I'll tell him hey, who is that? Like you know her? No, but I'm going to go talk to her. What? All right, he goes, talks to her, gets shut down. Cool, I'm like, well, you ruined that for me. So then I'm like, well, you ruined that for me. So then I'm trying to build up my confidence to go holler, right, I'll turn around, she gone. But the first time I seen her it was like God was like hey, my boy, this for you, my boy, you feel me, I got you. I was like, for sure, you feel me. Who am I to be disobedient? Come on now, come on now.
Speaker 2:So yeah, you know, so, she was gone I was like dang. But I knew who she was with because my brother introduced me to one of her friends the couple weeks before. So I went to her friend's Facebook profile you know I was a Facebook detective, you feel me Went to her friend's profile I said that's her right there, click Add a friend Message. Come on, man. That was the next day.
Speaker 1:I was talking to her the whole day. You feel me Dang. You remember a lot.
Speaker 2:I asked her for her number when I was. What's that? It's a highway. George Washington Way turned into a highway to go by the mall. I was right there, past the exit of the mall, when she gave me her number. Come on, dog Dang. Come on, dog, come on. You know what I said to her. Hold on, let me pull up the message.
Speaker 1:You still have it. You're lying, you're lying. You literally still have our messages from. That's crazy. I'm gonna tell you what I said.
Speaker 2:I said, hey, I don't know you, but I think you're gorgeous. I was going to speak to you, but when I saw you last night my friend got into a little altercation and when I looked up you were gone. I just want to know if I can get to know you what?
Speaker 1:What did I?
Speaker 2:say what did the young people say, riz? What did the young people say Riz?
Speaker 1:What did I say back?
Speaker 2:This is what she said back Hello, dot dot dot. Lol, yeah, I think I remember seeing you a few times.
Speaker 1:Were you standing by, said and thank you, smiling face times were you standing by said and thank you, smiling face girl, you better quit it. That's crazy. I cannot how did you not tell me you had those this whole time? You're so annoying. I never knew that you had those messages.
Speaker 2:Yeah I say, yeah, that's my brother, she's there. Oh, I see. Okay, cool, cool. You want to read the rest?
Speaker 1:Yeah, here read the rest.
Speaker 2:That is so wild. That's how you slide on a young tenderoni that's older than you. You feel me? Fellas, take notes, all right. Guy, take notes, all right. I don't hear nothing.
Speaker 1:I don't hear nothing, okay, okay okay, I said well, I just moved back home, which is back to Washington. I said I was raised here, went to school here, family and friends here. I'm not really a club person. See, I've always been true to myself.
Speaker 2:See, and I knew it because she wasn't really drinking and I don't really drink. When I go out, I don't drink at all. I don't know why I said when I go out I don't drink.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I've never been drunk in my life yeah, and I've never been the fun friend because I just I don't like clubs, I don't dance, I don't really like to drink, so I mean I have drink, but I don't like, like drink like that.
Speaker 1:So then I said um, but I like having fun with my friends and I hang at bars and I'll hang at bars. The one, what, like that one, I guess. Um, I'm pretty chill, laid back, you won't really hear much about me or see me out often, cause, honestly, like yeah, I just I was already in a relationship previously and like just in that one in a relationship previously and like just in that one, so I wasn't around, like that, and then he goes it seems like he knows everybody out here, which he did, yeah, and then you said where did I move from? And you, you said yeah, I figure that honestly, that's why I messaged you.
Speaker 2:Hey, mind you, this is the morning after.
Speaker 1:This is so weird.
Speaker 2:Keep reading.
Speaker 1:Keep reading. You want me to read the whole thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Do you want?
Speaker 2:me to say his name.
Speaker 1:Who? I already said his name. So then I said ha ha, yeah, I don't know, said like that, but I've heard of him because, honestly, I didn't know cedric like that at all, I just knew about him. I said I moved from kansas and then he made a little face and said you heard good things or bad things as uh. He said why did you move here? And yeah, I moved here three months ago. I'm from iowa. My brother convinced me to move here.
Speaker 1:I said, honestly, I just know he does music or something because I can sing and that a lot of females want him, not including me, lol I repeat not I put in ot she tried to make that like a big thing because, because everybody did, lol, I moved here because my relationship of four years didn't work out, so I decided to move back home, here, where my support was. I said, oh, lol, yeah, tri-cities is pretty lame compared to other places, but that's because I'm a busy city woman. See, I'm still the same. And then you just say, yeah, I'm aware of that. Four years is a pretty long time. It's not that bad. It's definitely nothing like where I'm from, but it's not that bad, which you are so right about.
Speaker 1:Then he asked me the big question how old am I? I said yeah, it's not bad. If you're a real chill person, then you'll be fine. I said this is 2015. Yeah, no way. Yeah, you know it. What do you mean? I said I'll be 27 in october. I'm old, I know. He said it's all right, you're not that old. Everybody is older than me out here, though, I turned 23 this month I was 22 mackins.
Speaker 1:I don't keep going, you want me to read all my business, yeah read it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh my god, yeah, take notes so then I said oh, oh then he asked me the other question.
Speaker 1:He said do you have kids?
Speaker 2:and is that a?
Speaker 1:good or a bad one. You're always trying to like, read, like, get in my, my head what do you mean?
Speaker 2:because you're like, is that a?
Speaker 1:good one or a bad one. Is that a good one or a bad one? Is that?
Speaker 2:a good thing or a bad thing. We're trying to figure out if you're interested or if you're not.
Speaker 1:I really I don't know. Then I said yes, and that's usually what I tell guys that want to get to know me, to scare them away, even though I'm not lying. Lol. I have five kids. I said I was married for six years, right out of high school, and I had three kids with my marriage. Then, when I was 23, I got divorced and I took my three kids and he took my three kids from me and they live in arizona. So now I only have my two kids from my four-year relationship, which was right after my first relationship out of high school I said so no, they don't all have different baby daddies, just two different relationships usually works to scare most men away, though.
Speaker 1:So that's good, lol. And said I've been in long-term relationships, as you can see, and that was a good all. Like you, I don't know. Oh, like you're young, yeah. He laughed at me and he said you're terrible. That's so bogus. Hopefully you weren't trying to scare me away. Well, I don't have any kids. I have a lot of siblings and nieces and a nephew, but I want children someday. Do you ever see your other kids? Then I said, lol, well, it works with the ones I want. That I don't want to talk to me? Ha ha. I just don't think a lot of men can handle me or my life anyway, so why not scare them away? Which is so true.
Speaker 1:She thought I couldn't handle her Facts Then I said, oh well, that's nice, Family is everything. Smiley face yes, I just had them for the summer and now they went back for school. Then what was this? You didn't respond to me till the next day. That was august.
Speaker 1:Second no same day dang yeah what I say then you said why do you think you're hard to handle? I agree I miss my family a lot. Oh, that's good. This is embarrassing. I said because I'm dramatic, sensitive and feisty Hasn't changed, huh, I have a lot of responsibilities and kids, so I usually say you couldn't handle this anyways, and it has done well for now. Yeah, because I was single for six months and a lot of people back home that heard I was single were trying to date me. It was ridiculous.
Speaker 2:And you come for the. You fall for the new kid on the block. Come on.
Speaker 1:Crazy, come on. Well, I think I can handle you. He says I said SMH. He said don't doubt me, do you drink or smoke? Look, I'm trying to see.
Speaker 2:I said that's what they all say.
Speaker 1:I said I don't smoke, I drink socially which is true. He said, wow, just put me with everybody else. Thanks, SMH. And what do you mean socially?
Speaker 2:I do remember you asking me that.
Speaker 1:Like I would just drink when I want to with my friends. You want me to keep reading this.
Speaker 2:Is that right?
Speaker 1:You need to send this to me. Anyway, we're not going to keep reading, but that's how we started talking, and then we did that till when?
Speaker 2:Dang, I was macking boy.
Speaker 1:Honestly, you really weren't.
Speaker 2:I said what you got planned for today? Just working chilling.
Speaker 1:Same thing I still do we just having conversations.
Speaker 2:I live far. Oh, yeah, for now till I buy a car.
Speaker 1:Which I did.
Speaker 2:Yep, she did.
Speaker 1:I live 30 minutes away from him.
Speaker 2:We both didn't have a car. We was brokey broke.
Speaker 1:When we first met I lived in, so everybody that knows Tri-Cities. I lived in Clonnell, Small little town, one little road.
Speaker 2:Erica was trying to push me away. She said so. How many females did you message this morning after last night?
Speaker 1:X.
Speaker 2:And what did I say?
Speaker 1:The only reason I messaged you is because I thought I wouldn't. I said oh, that's. You said oh, that's not too bad. And I only messaged one person this morning. Smartass, that's rude. Then what did you say? I said LMAO you said, the only reason I messaged you is because I thought I wouldn't see you again and that's a problem.
Speaker 2:Come on gang come on gang. Is that the right one? Good job, I thought I wouldn't see you again, and that's a problem. Come on gang, come on gang.
Speaker 1:Is that the right one? Good job, come on Good job, that was so sweet.
Speaker 2:She said, that was so sweet, you know. Anyways, that's how we met guys I said if you didn't want to talk to me, you would have stopped talking to me earlier, shake my hand yeah and so then, what? I said uh dang. I said uh dang, she said something about you. I, like other guys, didn't get a reply. I said other guys, sound like everybody wants you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not going to you know you said they can want what. Yeah, I'm not going to you know, you said they can want what they want. Blow my bubble, but that's a small city.
Speaker 2:But hey, I'm about to go, so text me. Come on, man. She could have just kept messaging me, but I said I'm about to go.
Speaker 1:So text me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember. I remember texting you on my way to work and you said OK, I guess.
Speaker 1:I'm about to go, so text me. Yeah, I remember that's clever. I remember texting you On my way to work.
Speaker 2:And you said Okay, I guess I'll save your number. Text me.
Speaker 1:Anyways yeah.
Speaker 2:I am at work now. Come on, man.
Speaker 1:Oh dang, yeah, see, I was at work.
Speaker 2:I said you doing too much, so I'll text you If I got some spare time. Go on, you don't want to seem Too thirsty, fellas, you don't want to seem Too thirsty.
Speaker 1:I do remember you Saying that too, and I was like Mmm, I know you're tripping.
Speaker 2:She said ha ha ha. Spare time, okay, she said. I said I'm just playing, I'm going gonna text you, but have a good day at work, miss lady. She said thanks, same to you. Yeah, she said same to you here we are that was 10 years ago, right 10 years ago, um on august 2nd 2015 2015.
Speaker 1:That's crazy A decade. How do you feel you?
Speaker 2:didn't think I had the receipts, huh.
Speaker 1:No, I did not. Yeah, don't play with me. You're very good at keeping things on the low.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't play that.
Speaker 1:I don't even have those.
Speaker 2:Dang. So how's the last 10 years been for you?
Speaker 1:Honestly, I think we're at a good place. It's been like you know, just ups and downs, a lot of learning, growing. I just talked about this on facebook decade in, you definitely grow when you want to grow together, you definitely learn each other's ways. Um, I don't know. I just feel like we've been very, very transparent and open on here and you guys are like super open to listening and, you know, sometimes leaving your feedback, having your own assumptions and stuff. So that's why we like to talk about things. But honestly, I feel like we're probably at the best place we've ever been in our relationship and it's that I can't even believe it's been 10 years. Literally, that's crazy. Honestly, I feel like we're probably at the best place we've ever been in our relationship and it's that I can't even believe it's been 10 years. Literally, that's crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can know my boy.
Speaker 1:I know what do you feel like you've learned throughout the what advice can you get? Cause I feel like people are always asking us like how? Like? I get asked a lot of times in my with my services. Like I got a couple clients that literally just got married and they always ask me, like how was the first um year, the first few months after you got married? Because they're trying to like get used to like their own routines and like she's more like wants to get things done around the house and he wants to just chill things like that. So they're learning each other's ways and I always tell people honestly it really took like a good five, six years before we could like really Don't you think?
Speaker 1:Really what Like get each other's love, languages and things and understand each other's like way of communicating and what we need, our needs?
Speaker 2:Yeah, In order to make it work. I yeah, it takes a while. It takes a while because then you got to get out of the honeymoon stage and then you see the, the person for who they really are things happen. Yeah, sometimes you realize you married a monster, or you maybe not, but uh, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you see, he would not be here if I was not as great to him. Okay, this man would not be here still If I was not treating him as the King that he is. Okay, let's just make that very clear right now.
Speaker 2:What I tell you on the last episode get beat, he is lying anyways, one of the other uh thingies on here was talking about do you believe in gender roles?
Speaker 1:um and I really want to talk about this why do you want to talk about this? He could be sweet and short, because I feel like we only have, like one other couple, friend or married couple that are very similar to us, to where we don't have gender roles, and I say that because he does laundry willingly. I don't make him do it, he does cook.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, you know he doesn't clean, but he does. He does laundry, he folds, folds it, he puts it away, he cooks erica didn't know, I can cook until like I prefer him to cook than me probably two years ago yeah.
Speaker 1:So, um, I feel like sometimes people think that's crazy that you do laundry and he does dishes not all the time, but he does it. I think that that's the way it should be. I think you should meet each other halfway. I think that it shouldn't be all the woman's responsibility, unless she's like a stay-at-home mom. I get it, but we both work. So I feel like those kind of things should be kind of 50 50 in a way, or at least the husband or your man can help you sometimes with certain things, to kind of like lift the load. I feel like you try to just relieve the load off of my shoulders by doing those things because you want to I feel like gender roles.
Speaker 2:I don't know, they never really existed. For me, I feel like it was always. I don't know what do you mean? I don't. I don't think a woman has to cook, but I think it should be like, if I'm doing something you know, make sure you're playing your part to where we're helping each other. You know what I mean. Like it's about making your significant other an equal, not you know no.
Speaker 1:One's the dominant person in the relationship.
Speaker 2:You know no one's the dominant person in the relationship. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, so yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:I don't believe in gender roles, so I don't think every woman should cook. I don't think every guy should change the oil on the car.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think none of that. Yeah, because you think he changes the oil. Hold on, bro, don't do that. Come on, who changed the air filter? We call the people because we pay for it. I did it one time, though, like there's no gender roles. If I can do it, I can do it and that's fine.
Speaker 2:I don't care any other time I pay for role side assistance, I know, but I'm just saying like, yeah, I don't care, any other time I pay for roadside assistance.
Speaker 1:They coming All right, I know. But I'm just saying like, yeah, there's certain things that I'm fine with doing that a man would probably do, but it's cool. I feel like honestly and it is true, like you know, I've heard things also like you're so lucky to have him that he does that, and I think it's weird that people don't have that. I think it's weird that people don't have the kind of relationship where you both can meet each other halfway and help each other out.
Speaker 2:I don't think we know many people who have One good relationships to relationships where they're still growing, or you know what I mean I don't think anyone has the relationship that we have and I don't even try to compare it and I don't see our relationship in other people, because I feel like it's just different. You know what I mean. Like we were homeless together. You know what I mean. It's different. We were broke together, we were. We went through a lot that I mean we've never really talked about some of the stuff we have, some of the stuff we haven't, but we went through a lot together and I don't think people go through enough stuff together yeah I think they look at it like oh, it's me and I'm doing this for my family and it's like yeah you're doing this together.
Speaker 2:Everyone has their own opinion on it, or everyone's going through it a different way or the same way, and you don't realize it.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I feel like because, at the end of the day, if avery was like don't get me wrong, there's things that I want in life, and he knows that. But I'm also trying to, I'm trying to work there, I'm trying to work my way there. Like, at the end of the day, I think about things like what if he lost his arms? What if he couldn't? No, for real, like what if? I think about these things every day?
Speaker 2:you'll feed me jello.
Speaker 1:I joke about being a stay-at-home mom, honestly, because if I could be a stay-at-home mom, content creator, I would, but honestly I don't put the work in to get there. So that's, that's that, um, but like, if I could do that, of course I would love that. I. That's my dream and I do think I will get there one day. I'm still going to work. I just won't work as much, right, but right now I'm going through a journey because I want to be able to provide for my family and my kids, and I look at my kids and I know the things that they want. I want to be able to give that to them without his help. So I just feel like, if he lost his arms and we were I mean, we're not rich but if we were like, completely broke and we had to be on the streets again, would I still love this man, like, would I still want to be with him? And and of course, the answer is yes, we We've already been there.
Speaker 1:I know that it would never happen, because he would allow it if that makes sense, but you just never know what could happen. Like your significant other could literally go, get in the car and completely lose their legs and their arms and not be able to do the same things that they used to do for you. So that to me, is a real relationship and I think you know my heart and they used to do for you. So that to me is a real relationship and I think you know my heart and like, yeah, you have arms and limbs now, so I expect you to help with certain things, but if he couldn't, it wouldn't change. That would be a totally different kind of like love why you keep saying arms and legs I'm just saying because people don't think about things like that.
Speaker 1:Their love is very conditional. Women just want like I don't know, I think I'm different than other women. They want like a man with money and the man to just I will say you're not.
Speaker 2:I feel like all the women out here in Arizona are looking for. They're looking for like a sugar daddy and all that. And I want to be a stay-at-home mom and all that. You're like, uh, a small town, wholesome significant other and we're talking about that at the shop the other day we were like, man, you can go back to the midwest and find, find a wife or something like that. And they're not like as materialistic as people out here, because it's just different. They didn't grow up around plastic surgery and lip fillers and all that crazy stuff. So it's which sometimes what you want in life is based on what you come from.
Speaker 1:Is this recording?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought it was green when it records. See the number.
Speaker 2:Yeah, see, I should just interrupted me. Hey, one time we were recording a whole podcast and it wasn't recording. It was not recording, and it's erica's fault that would be so I would have just quit today.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna lie to you, it's erica's fault.
Speaker 2:I ain't gonna lie to you all right, I have another question.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, come on, it's about really okay.
Speaker 2:This one is I don't like this laugh, so skip the card you have the password to your partner's phone and y'all need to interact.
Speaker 1:I know y'all be watching these videos, so leave a comment below what do you think, girl? You tell me girl um you know so should you have your partner's password to their phone. Let me just say I know his password why? You know, I've known that his password's been the same since we got together no, it hasn't yes, it has no, it hasn't. Yes, it has what was it before? I didn't have a password before well, you got one now, and I've known it for a long time.
Speaker 2:So erica nosy yeah.
Speaker 1:So what do you think about that? Do you know mine? Yes, you act like you don't know mine sometimes because you hand me my phone sometimes you change stuff and I don't know what you be changing.
Speaker 2:but I I'd be like I know, because the kids I know, but that's why I'd be like I don't know what it is. So here you don't even remember your own passwords.
Speaker 1:I know, I lose, I forget.
Speaker 2:That's why I ask because it's like hey, did she change? Did she forget again? Did you change it? That's like but like my email password or my Apple ID or something.
Speaker 1:I change it ever so often, but yeah, we have each other's passcodes.
Speaker 2:What do you feel about that? I mean, I feel like I don't have nothing to hide.
Speaker 1:I don't feel like it's what it used to be.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like what do you mean?
Speaker 1:Obviously, we went through the beginning stages of me finding things I did not like to see, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, but that's like that's one of those things you kind of got to grow into. If you want to be in a relationship, you have to understand what that means, and I don't think a lot of guys actually understand what that means, and I didn't. I was 22, 23.
Speaker 1:He did not.
Speaker 2:And she was 27, 28.
Speaker 1:So I was looking for a whole husband.
Speaker 2:it's a lot to uh, I mean, you got to change your ways, but I don't think I had, like, I had real relationships, but they weren't like. The person I was with ended up moving away. You know what I mean. So, when it comes to being in a relationship where you're there with that person every, single day it's a whole different thing, so I had to get used to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what did you have to change?
Speaker 2:What did I have to change? I had to be thoughtful, I had to be. It's either you're all in it or you're not, and I had to figure that out and I had to be. I don't know, I feel like I had to. I went through bad relationships, so it was one of those. I have to trust this person and open up to this person in a way that I've never done before, and that was hard because I've. When you come up and you don't even have, like you have parents in your life, but you don't, you know what?
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, I don't have any, like you have parents in your life, but you don't you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I don't have my grandma. I lived with my grandma from 16 on, so I already didn't know how to communicate. I'm trying to be with an older woman and, uh, I don't know how to talk about how I feel. That's something that's hard to do, especially Like I was still figuring all that out. I got my first apartment with Erica.
Speaker 1:I didn't have none of that. We lost our first apartment together.
Speaker 2:We ain't going to go there.
Speaker 1:We ain't going to go there, but yeah, I mean like communication, I feel like is the biggest, biggest thing, and we just talked about this too under the comments on Facebook and I basically just just I stated and I don't want it to sound just I, so I can clarify basically I kind of said something like you, what was it? You made a post. Basically it was talking about how men can't communicate, or men don't want to communicate, or they feel like they can't communicate. I don't know.
Speaker 2:So my post was that a lot of us aren't taught to communicate and it's been a thing to where, like it's expected for men not to know how to communicate. I feel like there's a lot of posts out there that are coming from women specifically that say, oh, men don't communicate, and men don't know how to communicate, and come to me healed and all this, this and this yeah, they don't want a man that can't communicate. Basically, they don't want someone who is a project. Basically, right, I was a project.
Speaker 1:I'm married, y'all single so basically what I said I don't care somebody left a comment basically was kind of like I don't know how, like where it was coming from, basically. But I just want to make it clear. What I'm saying is that because I basically stated somebody was saying something like do they need to be in a relationship? I don't know how it got to that point. What was it Like do you need to be?
Speaker 2:in a relationship. Someone said you shouldn't wait until you're in a relationship to choose to learn how to communicate. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:And they basically said they didn't want someone that they have to wait to be basically good at communicating and better for the next person.
Speaker 2:But see, I didn't understand. I understand now, Like I get it, but I also didn't understand then because, like I didn't know, people felt that way. You know what I mean. I don't I don't necessarily agree or disagree, because that's how they feel, that's on them, but I don't necessarily. I didn't understand it at first because I'd never seen someone say that I've heard it it was something that I was like you should learn how to communicate on your own. What if you don't know how? You have that problem what if?
Speaker 2:what if you don't know that there's an issue right there? Right, because no guy is ever going to tell another guy you don't know how to communicate. No one, no guy, has ever said that about someone. I know people who I know, one person, one guy. When they come in a barbershop, I don't think their communication skills are the greatest right, but I'm not going to sit there and tell them you need to learn how to communicate. I'm not going to do that at all.
Speaker 1:It's going to be a woman that tells you that it's going to be a woman that tells you yeah, and I basically stated, like unfortunately, sometimes that is the way that it is.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's the case for us. If I think about it, if I hadn't been as graceful and as patient and willing to work both ways though, because we both obviously needed to learn how to communicate, or like we needed to learn how to communicate to each other not necessarily just communicate Like there's a way to get through to me and there's a way to get through to him. So for me, I basically stated sometimes, unfortunately, that's the way it is, though you're gonna get with somebody and they may not know how to communicate the best. You're either gonna give up right and let him go and then, or you're gonna work through it and try to figure it out if you want to be really long-term and solid. Obviously, if I had given up, he could have met somebody else. That person could have been just like me as I stayed with him, more graceful, more patient and had a great way of, like, I guess, learning how to communicate together, and then he would have been great for that person. So I'm just saying I understand, like women that maybe don't want to do that, don't whatever, but personally I feel like I got just saying I understand, like women, that maybe don't want to do that, don't whatever. But personally I feel like I got lucky because I last you know what I mean I stayed through it, I stuck it out and I wanted to grow.
Speaker 1:So basically, what I stated under somebody else's comment of maybe basically them saying something like like you should, so are you saying like you should train them, kind of thing, and I don't know what else, but my reply to that is that what I'm saying is what I just said. I'm just saying it's a wanting to grow together, it's a partnership, especially if you're married. You want to grow, you want to learn how to communicate. It's a one thing he has to want to learn to communicate. It has to go both ways. We have to meet each other both ways because if we don't, then it's a one thing he has to want to learn to communicate. It has to go both ways. We have to meet each other both ways, because if we don't then it's kind of a lost win, like, yeah, I probably would give up because I'm not going to keep trying and you're not trying to meet me halfway. But I also stated that I think sometimes women, us women- take accountability girl take accountability.
Speaker 1:We make it very difficult for a man to communicate, let alone a black man to communicate, because they're not raised to do that. They're not. They half the time don't have two parents to really look up to in a relationship nowadays, right and then they're expected to be this high and mighty, strong guy, tough all the time, don't show any weakness, no emotion. I mean, you can't have your cake and eat it too. So I feel like women want like that, and then they don't want a man with emotion, but then they get mad that a man's not communicating and it's just a lot.
Speaker 2:She's spinning.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying, take my haircut yeah. Yeah, I just feel like for us that's what's worked and don't get me wrong, we're not perfect Like it has been a long, long, long journey. I was never perfect. I think I sucked at communication Actually too, but you know it's a timing thing.
Speaker 2:Facts.
Speaker 1:That's just what I think.
Speaker 2:I I'm gonna tell y'all right now y'all homies in the streets, ain't gonna be there when you down.
Speaker 1:Bad my boy, you feel me the girl gonna be there when you down bad my boy, you'll know, it's the one when that person creates like a safe space for you to to communicate, because he knows I would rather him be open with me and talk to me about everything, even if I get upset, so that we can get over that and move past it and I don't know how to deal with it the next time around. Then for him to not tell me anything, which is still a working progress, because there's still things I know he feels like he can't tell me. But but I'm trying, I'm working on that internally, where I want to kind of take a moment to like sit and think before I respond, or I'm trying to see it from his perspective instead of just mine. So we're still working on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I communicate through text message. I ain't gonna lie.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Because I need time to register everything I hate it. Text message I ain't gonna lie. Exactly because I need time to register everything I hate, because I'm one of those people who I'd rather be quiet than say something I'm gonna have to apologize for later so you're quick to react.
Speaker 1:Exactly because why you have what? I have what what do you have?
Speaker 2:what do I have?
Speaker 1:what do you have? I don't know. What are you going with?
Speaker 2:this, what do I have?
Speaker 1:angry issues. Let's be real I have anger issues. But not physically.
Speaker 2:Emotionally. I've been told my family has bipolar disorder. Right, I have irrational anxiety. Those are all things that stem from. Whatever they stem from, what do you do? Do you control it or you don't? That's it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's your advice to men? What have you been doing to work on that?
Speaker 2:I ain't been doing nothing. Dog, yes you have.
Speaker 1:What have you been doing?
Speaker 2:almost every night you snitching. Today, dang, all right.
Speaker 1:Look, I got a journal. You need to help them. I got a journal and I've been writing every day, say you journal hold on, I'm talking now.
Speaker 2:I try. All right, I try. The one thing you got to do is make effort. That's all you can do yeah, you talk to a therapist, you can do that but. I ain't gonna lie. A lot of y'all ain't got health insurance. I'm calling you out yes, sir, a lot of y'all don't have health insurance. People who do y'all be scared to talk to somebody? Dog, ain't nothing wrong with talking to somebody oh, but I'll tell you why.
Speaker 1:I know someone in a marriage that will not go to a therapist because they said they don't feel that anybody else should be in their business. It should be between them and god you snitching? I'm just saying nobody knows who that is but there's really men that don't feel like they should talk to therapists or have marriage counseling or whatnot, because nobody should be in their business or whatever. Personally, I think it's healthy because they're biased.
Speaker 2:Honestly, even if you have a group of guys that you can talk to, like I go to the shop.
Speaker 2:I'll talk to my clients all the time. I'll talk to the guys at the shop that I work with. I'll talk to my friends all the time, because they should be able to tell me that I'm wrong. Right, when I'm cutting somebody's hair. I'm going to tell them okay, this is what I went through. I went through the same thing, but this is how I handled it. You can handle it different. There are other ways, there are different avenues you can go through, but the way you're going through it can lead to destruction. Right, Alcohol is going to lead to destruction. A lot of these other things are going to lead to destruction. If you're intoxicated and you just so happen to go out because you're stressed out, what happens? You're going to try to cheat.
Speaker 1:That's just what it is. You're not going to be in your right mind.
Speaker 2:You got to. I mean, you just got to figure it out. You got to talk to somebody. Somebody who's in your corner or somebody you look at, that's actually respectable enough to give you the right advice. Give you the right advice yeah, but that's me, I don't know. Yeah, I tried to journal.
Speaker 1:I'm married. I tried one. I'm not gonna. I tried one page of journaling and I don't know what it is, but I cannot get my thoughts on paper. I feel like I need to actually talk to somebody. Why, I don't know, I just can't. It's like it's like jumble, like it's too much. I feel like I would, I would benefit more from therapy like one-on-one. Yeah, like that actually be really great for me. I've been, I've actually been thinking about looking into that, especially right now with our insurance and stuff yeah, you know, we hey, we got insurance.
Speaker 2:You feel me, because I'm not a journaler, I'm not, I don't like writing honestly.
Speaker 1:It gives me anxiety and my hand starts hurting and I don't know how you do it.
Speaker 2:I can't I'm a writer. I'm an artist. I know I'm not. I'm a creator, I'm a creative person I'm not it just comes to me yeah, now slowly and I sort through it slowly.
Speaker 1:But I highly recommend it, so I'm proud of you for doing that.
Speaker 2:You need to sign up for a therapist.
Speaker 1:You know we got insurance. I've already been thinking about it Because I feel like there's progress individually, but I feel like obviously there could always be more. Why not Facts? Yeah, that's a little bit about us. Anything else you want to? I?
Speaker 2:don't know.
Speaker 1:Is there anything else that you want to talk about besides me?
Speaker 2:I don't have nothing to talk about. I ain't going to lie to you.
Speaker 1:Well, what made you want to make this video?
Speaker 2:Because I think you forgot that I had game Shut up. So I want you to realize that I think you forgot that I had game Shut up. So I want you to realize that I pulled you All right Mic dropped.
Speaker 1:Whatever?
Speaker 2:All right, that's probably the end of this video.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's the end of this podcast, the end of this episode. Whatever you want to say, you know like subscribe. Is there anything else you want to talk about before we go? You got one one, one chance no, not really.
Speaker 1:I think that's pretty much it. If you guys have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. If you guys have any questions that you want us to do, like another podcast on let us know. Um, I want to say thank you for watching even though a few of you that do watch, we really appreciate it. Share our video for us and we'll be back with another one and hopefully we won't take long to come back again.
Speaker 2:So this video will drop around august 2nd. What's that?
Speaker 1:day I met erica 10 years ago, august 2nd. What's that day?
Speaker 2:I met Erica 10 years ago, August 2nd.
Speaker 1:But we started dating August 2nd, I mean September 2nd.
Speaker 2:This video dropped August 2nd. I met Erica 10 years ago, on August 2nd. We started dating in September 2nd. Come on man, it only take a month to find your wife dog. All right. So y'all need to do better, y'all out there in them streets. God don't like that. I sound like an uncle right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're old anyways, guys, that'll be it for today's podcast. Thank you so much for watching and shout out to hella awkward for always having the best shout out hella, awkward, awkward, for you know the icebreaker, always powered by Hella, awkward. Yeah, there's some good ones in here. We're going to talk about next week, no we?
Speaker 2:ain't no, we not. Yes, we are. Anyways, if you like our new setup, let us know. Yeah, let us know If you want us to go back? Say no. Leave it in the comments, because this was Erica's idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and hopefully when we move we can have like a little light in the background.
Speaker 2:You, know she got all these ideas. She trying to tell y'all too much.
Speaker 1:But check it out.
Speaker 2:This is the other half podcast Peace.