The Opposite Ends Podcast
Opposite Ends is a podcast about life, love, and learning as we go. Hosted by Michael, a driven entrepreneur, and Leah, a dedicated special education teacher, this show dives into the realities of relationships, personal growth, and navigating life from two completely different backgrounds. We’re not here as experts—we’re here as two people figuring it out, just like you. Through candid conversations, humor, and real-life experiences, we explore what it means to build a strong, healthy relationship while balancing careers, personal development, and the occasional debate over who’s actually right. Join us as we navigate life from opposite ends and meet somewhere in the middle.
The Opposite Ends Podcast
When Life Forces You to Slow Down, You Discover What Really Matters
What happens when life abruptly forces you to slow down? Leah's torn ACL becomes the unexpected catalyst for profound self-reflection in this intimate conversation about finding purpose during life's unwanted pauses. After being dismissed as "dramatic" for months, Leah finally received validation through an MRI—but now faces the mental challenge of feeling unproductive during recovery.
The pair delves into "analysis by paralysis," that paralyzing overthinking that keeps us from pursuing new ventures. Michael and Leah explore how their contrasting personalities—his quick-start approach versus her fact-finding nature—create balance in both their relationship and individual growth. This natural tension becomes a strength as they push each other beyond comfort zones while providing the security needed to take risks.
Leadership emerges as a central theme, with Michael sharing his evolution as a business owner and the parallel lessons for relationships: "Business is simple, people are complicated." Both require understanding individual motivations and communication styles. The conversation reveals how intentionality transforms connections, from relationship repair after conflicts to the small gestures that demonstrate love more powerfully than grand displays.
Perhaps most powerfully, they discuss the foundation of strong partnerships—not just what you give to another person, but who you become alongside them. "Behind every great man is a great woman," Michael notes, but emphasizes the reciprocal nature of this truth. Security comes from knowing your partner is committed to becoming their best self while supporting your growth too. This episode offers both practical wisdom and emotional intelligence for anyone navigating relationships, personal development, or life's unexpected detours.
Welcome back to episode one of the Opposite Ends podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Leah Wolfe and I'm Michael that's going Um.
Speaker 1:I tore my ACL. Over Christmas break I was um skiing with my sister. She got new skis for Christmas and was super excited, and so I went with her. I went skiing and, um, I'm very novice skier, hadn't been skiing since I was like eight years old, and so we're just going. And then I crashed and didn't want to look like a weakling, so I kept on skiing, even though I was like trying not to barf, and then um from here or from then until march. Michael and my family was calling me dramatic and I was known to be the drama queen for the past three months because I always complained about my knee hurting. But lo and behold, the MRI said it's hard in the ACL and they will never live it down.
Speaker 2:It's like the boy who cried wolf, though.
Speaker 1:How could that ever?
Speaker 2:be, it's just consistent drama. It's like, no, you're not drama, just dramatic. About what? Just everything? There's a lot of things. I just, you know you gotta you've sometimes the slightest can overwhelm, you know.
Speaker 1:No, I just vocalize my stress, that's. That is not.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't consider that Walks up a flight of steps and it's like everyone knows you walked up a flight of steps with a torn ACL.
Speaker 1:Anyway, anyway, um, anyway, um, yeah. So I just had surgery, uh, last Wednesday, um, and now I was bedridden for a couple of days, um, and then now I can walk with one crutch and we're slowly getting better. I'm going a little bit insane, though. I was really hoping I'd be able to get back into work this week, but it's really not feasible for me, safety-wise, to probably do that. I'm going a little bit insane. I'm just going to try to focus some of my energy on different things I can drive now, thank God, I can walk bogey a couple.
Speaker 2:I feel like you're moving pretty fast, like you're. It's only been a week. Yeah, you know what I mean. So it's not like it's been six weeks and you've been out of commission. You were bedridden for a week, really, and now you're going into week two.
Speaker 1:Right, but, like in my, I'm a very active person.
Speaker 2:Yeah person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I have trouble sitting.
Speaker 2:Still, a lot of the time I always have to be doing something. I don't know it's funny, because it's like a lot of times all you want to actually lay around and not be doing something. So it's like now it's you get the opportunity to lay around and now you want to be doing something.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it depends on when when, that is, if it's like I come home from work.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Fuck, all I want to do is lay on the couch and nobody to talk to me. Yeah, you know, but like when I don't have necessarily like obligations or things I have to get done, then I want to be doing like. I want to be doing laundry, I want to clean the house I feel like that's my only opportunity to do those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's just been really hard for me and like the first week that I like was bedridden and even though I wasn't like a lot of pain, towards the end of the week I was starting to feel a lot better.
Speaker 1:And so I just like kind of went into this like mental spiral of like I feel so unproductive and like I'm wasting time. Yeah, because I always and I have this tick tock playing in the back of my brain at all times it's like I don't want to be laying on my deathbed, I don't want to be laying on my death. But I'm like, damn, when I was so hot when I was 20, I should have been, I should tried this and went there and done that, and you know like. So I feel like now like I have the time to do it and I'm like maybe this is the universe telling me like this is my time to be, maybe trying something else, or maybe that's a new skill, maybe that's exactly what it means, that's exactly what it's supposed to be, I know, but then I'm like okay, well then what?
Speaker 1:well, that's weird, I know, but I just it's like it makes me anxious.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, I mean, I think it's. You know, I think that the whole um experience has been a, you know it's not. Obviously it's not good and I wish that it wouldn't have happened to you, but you know, I think that there is good parts to it. I think that, uh, you know you and I have had a lot of conversations around. You know you trying different things or doing different things and you know, I think that you, being this happening and you kind of seeing the way that all of that went, you know it's kind of gone down with work and how that could be and what you know, what I mean. There's a lot of things that you've experienced that you know. I think it has shown you a lot, that you know that it nothing's guaranteed anymore. You know what I mean, and not that there's a specific event that's saying that, but just in general in life, right, it's like this happens to your knee and you know you never know when that could happen again you know or what could happen.
Speaker 2:So I think it's you know, I think it's good. A lot of times, you know, we get forced into a position that's uncomfortable, right, and it's like a lot of creativity happens out of necessity and despair, right. And so I think that you know you going through this has forced you to just think, think differently a little bit and consider different things and, like you said, you don't want to look back and be like did I waste time? Did I waste potential? Did I waste opportunity? You know, and maybe you did, maybe you didn't, but I think that it's good to at least you know a lot of people never ask themselves that question and they don't ask themselves that question until it's too late, you know, when they are on the deathbed, right? So the fact that you're aware enough and, you know, willing to remove ego and whatever it is, to just consider and think, hey you know, am I doing what I want to be doing, or is there things that I could be doing as well as what I'm doing?
Speaker 2:You? Know, I think that's been. That's a good experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's definitely like in terms of cause I love my job and I love what I do. I just think it's been like I, my brain, has been like I want to figure out what skills I can also attain like obtain a hundred percent you know, to add to my toolbox?
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, just for betterness of any other opportunity I might have, yeah, and you're also around a person that does a lot of consuming of things to build skill sets. You know what I mean. I mean you see me and I'm, I mean, I'm I. You have to pretty much force me to stop, to stop reading or stop learning. Or like you get in my truck. It's always a pod, it's always a, you know, a book plan or something like that. It's like you know, I think. But I have such a passion for knowledge that it just I just truly in love. You know learning and I'm also the kind of person that gets like psychotically obsessed with something new and I will literally take it till. It's like I learn everything that I can Like. I have a lot of knowledge or skillsets around a lot of different things. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:That it's like oh yeah, went and did a course on that, or I did, I went to a seminar on that, or I've read a book on that or I've studied it or bought like. There's a lot of things that when I come across and you know I like to if I find something I think is going to be valuable, I want to learn everything about it as fast as I admire that a lot about you, for sure. And sometimes I like in the beginning, I'm like well, should I like fuck, should I be doing this? I'm like what, but I just haven't found that passion yet Nothing to do with my job.
Speaker 1:I love that, is a passion of mine, but I think it's important to to also have other things that you know, because before I mean mean, my biggest passion was running yeah I mean, I was like this time last year, last oh my god two nights ago, the past two nights, three, yeah, I was.
Speaker 1:I would like lay in bed and my knee is throbbing. I'm like sobbing because I can't sleep. And I'm like looking at my snapchat and it's like a year ago today and it's like a picture of my apple watch. It's like 11 miles and I'm like, so I think, finding something. You know.
Speaker 2:Obviously I'll be able to get back to that, but I think it's also good to find passions that pay you yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:It's like I love people have a passion for golf, or they've got a passion for, you know, coloring, whatever it. You know what I mean Running, and it's like those are awesome passions, but there you've got to find passions that pay you as well, because nobody wants to be limited. Like you don't, I don't, I don't want to, ever want to be in a position in my life where, like I can't produce if I had to, right, whether it's through, like I mean I roof, and that's not a passion for me. You know what I mean, that's just the, that's my job. You know what I mean, or that's what I do, but it's not, it's not my passion, but there's a lot of things that being a business owner or in that you know, lane, that allows me to find passions and learn things. And see, you know what I mean. It's like I was, like I like I don't know, it's like learning a bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1:The other thing, too, that I think that has been really hard for me within like this process of just like my knee recovering is it's just feeling unproductive, like that's something that I struggle with, but I think a lot of the unproductive, unproductivity, unproductivity unproductivity, unproductiveness yeah, unproductiveness comes from analysis by paralysis.
Speaker 1:to be honest with you, like whether that's with work and I have like so much shit to do that I just like close my computer and put it away because it gives me, makes me have fight or flight, or it's I mean, or it's like the. I don't want to waste my potential, I need to be doing something. Well, I don't know what I should be doing. What should I focus on? What am I passionate about? I don't really know what's my skills. I don't really know that type of brain cycle that gives, then springboards me into the analysis by paralysis.
Speaker 1:That's why I think I've avoided my whole business idea that I you know have.
Speaker 2:It's overwhelming.
Speaker 1:Yep, and I literally won't even touch it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, why do you think that you've like? Why is it overwhelming?
Speaker 1:I think it's overwhelming because there's just so much I don't know, mm-hmm, and.
Speaker 1:I think it's overwhelming, because there's just so much I don't know and there's just so much of like. I'm just such a I have to know how everything works. I have to like be an expert of like how things run and how things work so that I know it will work 100%. And so with going, like trying to learn more about business and stuff like that, that is so not in my wheelhouse and so not anything. It's foreign to me. So like I have this great idea, it's a great idea, but like it's not going to mean shit unless I like try and I think I I don't know. There's just a lot of stuff that I don't understand and it frustrates me that I don't understand it, and so then I just if I stop.
Speaker 2:There's just a lot of stuff that I don't understand, and it frustrates me that I don't understand it, and so then I just stop. But there's probably been a lot of things in your life that you didn't understand, that you still did Yep Right, I would say, and not to NLP you.
Speaker 1:What does NLP?
Speaker 2:mean Neurolinguistic programming, right, so it's about human behavior, psychology, you know. So, not trying to NLP and I'm not going to, you know, not doing on the show here, but just to, to note, right, like everything you just said, I can't, I don't, I haven't. I like think about just the way that you're speaking about yourself. Like that there is, like that you shift, shift, that things start to shift. You know what I mean. Like just being conscious enough to be aware of how you saying, how you're saying things, or like how you think about yourself, because a lot of people say I can't do that, okay so you're telling me that you can't do that?
Speaker 2:yeah, you're like I just can't or I don't, I can't, like you said multiple different anything with ant.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Essentially, you're telling yourself, you're telling your subconscious that you don't have the ability. You're telling your subconscious that I'm not willing to try it, I'm not willing to shift, like so much of our ability to do things, or ability to procrastinate, or analysis by paralysis, or paralysis by analysis happens because of how we speak to ourselves. It starts with what we think we're actually capable of, because you know very well that you could, you are very capable and you could run a business and you can and you will do all of these things. But so much of it is like how we speak to ourselves, like and I think that's what creates so much analysis by paralysis, and we're also so exposed to the majority of the world, which is a, you know, average or below, that think those things right, they don't, they're not willing to you know, pull back the layers and and really pay attention to not only what they're putting their time into but the way they speak to themselves.
Speaker 2:Like I always say, be careful what you say, because you're always listening, right? You rarely ever hear me say I can't, I don't, I have like, because I just don't even allow myself. Like, if I hear someone saying those things, I'm like, hey, what do you say? Why are you saying that? You know what I mean? And it's true, right, and so it's like it's just being, and the thing is of just the acknowledgement, like I, what helped me? Because I used to do that, right, but what helped me was that I, I started to just listen for when other people do it, right. So if I'm sitting there having a conversation with somebody and they're like I can't do that, oh why? You know why why can't you? Oh well, because and it's one of the biggest ways to shift our ability to pursue things and do things and change is just by listening to other people in the way that they talk, because just by being aware of what others are saying, you're naturally going to start to pay attention to what you say.
Speaker 1:You know, it's just like affirmation.
Speaker 2:That's it. That's it. So much of everything is just awareness, you know, and um, you know. I think that I heard something the other day that they said there's you know two types of businesses. Right, they said there, there's are two types of leaders CEOs, whatever, business owners, whatever. And he said that you know, one side is the complacent side, one side is an urgent side. Right, you have owner.
Speaker 2:You have people that run businesses that they get comfortable, they get ahead, they get complacent, they kind of you know, and complacency, a complacency, business is going to go, someone's going to take you out, right. Then you have other owners that are urgent. There's a lot of urgency. They're urgent to find the next idea, they're urgent to pursue the next thing. It's, you know, when you are, when you can reframe yourself into more of an urgency lens, then you naturally will remove paralysis by analysis, because you know you, you don't allow in your I mean you're, we've had to take your coldy assessment, right, it's. You're a fact finder, right. So for you, in order to do anything, come and you're not a quick start, your quick start was like a two I.
Speaker 1:I think wasn't it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, super low. And then your fact finder was a seven or eight, whatever was super high. And so you know, I think that's what makes those indexes so valuable, because it's not saying that, like, that's how you are and you have to be like that and that can never change, right. But it's also saying that, if that is how you are understanding that and saying, is it, do I need to build a team around me or put myself around people that are quick starts or don't need as much facts, because you blended with somebody that is a very big, quick start and don't need the facts, you, you, you wouldn't now, you would be, it would be some, some struggle, right. But understanding that, you know you can find the ideas, you can dig deep, you can understand and learn everything, but at the same time, we can do that so much that we don't actually take the jump because it's like, oh well, what about this and what about that and what about it? It's like I mean there's so many what ifs that if you hang your hat up on a what if that you're never going to do it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:That for me personally, I now I'm the other extreme right, I'm, you know very quick start, not a fact finder, and that's not a. That's not a great skillset either, you know. But you know, I think that's where I've seen a lot of successful business people that weren't smart, like I wasn't smart when I got it, like when I first started all of this right, and like wasn't a school guy. You know, I that wasn't my background, but my ability to just jump in, that I jumping in and being such a quick start has allowed me to learn a lot too, because I've probably made more mistakes, wasted more money, done a lot of the the wrong things right, so that that's also a crutch at the same time. But if you can, you know, hold onto that and see things through and get through the storm.
Speaker 2:You've learned, you've accelerated your learning curve so much because it's like throw yourself in, go and I'm going to work this thing out if it works out or doesn't work out. You know what I mean. Find yourself as kind of the paralysis by analysis person. You know it doesn't. It's not saying jump all in on everything, but it's saying like, recognize your hesitation and then it's just about keeping to me. Any type of movement creates momentum, right. That's why, when you said I started it. I'm like call this person, do this, do that, cause eventually you'll find a rhythm. So it's like, hey man, every day I'm just going to do this one thing.
Speaker 1:I was just going to say one thing at a time, that's it.
Speaker 2:That's it. And it's so important because, I see, I mean, I think the majority are probably more of a, you know, paralysis by analysis needs to know more things before they want to get started, and that is a very good trait. But, just like we said right, like before you were a teacher, you didn't know all those things. Before you ran your first classroom, you didn't know all those things before you started. You know, being a marathon runner, you didn't know all those things Right. But you, you took that jump and you did it Right. So, just figuring out why did, why did I do it here and I'm struggling here.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think because for running, specifically for me, it was just like how hard can it be? It's for me, it was just like how hard can it be? It's fucking running. You're just running like you can do it anywhere. First of all, the big reason I started running was because I couldn't afford a gym membership and it was during covid. So I'm like you can run anywhere you can. You know it's good exercise, whatever. But but you were forced um, yeah, I mean, I know well, right, maybe a maybe a little no gym membership.
Speaker 2:Couldn't afford it. You wanted to get in shape. You had to do something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, necessity is creativity right, but I mean, I had other options. I was I don't. I don't know that I was necessarily forced, yeah, but um, I think the other thing too that could kind of contribute to analysis by or paralysis, by analysis, whatever, whatever the fuck. It's like you know you need to do all these things in order to get like the momentum going and like you, but it's like there's just so much that it can overwhelm and trigger your fight or flight. That's what happens with me too.
Speaker 2:I also think that another way to navigate, that is is that's why I'm always learning right Like that's why I'm so passionate about. I mean, every morning I'm up, do my sauna, I read for me. A lot of times when I'm stepping into the unknown, I try to consume as much knowledge and as much information that I can gather around that thing because it it forces me in Right, like all the stuff that I've been doing with direct response, marketing and all that like that scares me. I don't know anything about it. You know I am learning things, but I know myself and then I'm also the type of person that will jump into something, take it to 50% and then get tired and bored of it and be done. So what I have to do, knowing me and learning me, is that I know that I have to. If I'm going to, if I'm going in direction, I make the commitment I tell myself I'm going to do this by this time and then from there it's to say, all right, I'm going to consume as much information as every day. I want to wake up and read a book about this thing that I'm trying to do, because just the fact of me reading that book is continuing to push me in the direction. Like that's where it's like, yeah, there's so many things but you just can distill it down and say, hey, man, it doesn't. You know, rome wasn't built in a day, right, it's like just being able to take a gradual step in that direction and not putting so what happens?
Speaker 2:A lot of times we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect you know what I mean and we don't want to mess anything up, we don't want to do it wrong so we think that we can't go from zero to 100, so I'm not going to try to get to 50. But a lot of times, just in getting to that 50%, you learn a lot. You learn a lot about yourself. You have a commitment and you hold hold that commitment and you go that direction and that, to me, starts to create a lot of the momentum that we need, cause then, all of a sudden, I'm like, oh shit, this isn't, this isn't that hard. Right, and and business. There's a lot, but there's, there is and there isn't right. There. We overcomplicate business A lot of times, times like I always say business is simple, people are complicated. The hardest part about business is the people, it's not the business.
Speaker 1:So yeah, the other thing too is I'm a pretty strong control freak in some ways oh yeah and so like, diving into something that is completely foreign to me.
Speaker 2:There's so many uncontrollables that it gives me a lot of anxiety yeah and so like I mean not to say that I have control of where I'm at right now, but in terms of just like, behavior wise yeah yeah, and so then I would you know, I would advise, start to study stoicism, right, you get into, like the Stoics philosophy, is you know, to you know, they call it the uh, I think it's your circle of control, maybe, right, and, and what that is is basically the only things that you can control, are the things that you focus on. What can you control?
Speaker 2:your attitude how you show up. You know what I mean. So it's and that's why I'm always, you know, when we've talked about my psychedelic experiences, you know you're like, that gives me anxiety, I would lose, you know, I wouldn't have control, and it's like, well, that's the whole reason of it is that it forces you out of your comfort and out of the control that you have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I still could never do that no, no but I will say, though, it has helped me like teach, like I teach, the circle of control, and you know things that you can and can't control. Um, I think in doing that and I mean that's just kind of embedded in my day-to-day has helped me a lot but um, I mean it's very situation-based it's.
Speaker 2:It's based on the situations you can control exactly you know, but yeah, so yeah, well, and I mean that's why I love. You know, what I love about entrepreneurship is that it does. It's forced you, it forces you into. You know the uncomfortableness. You know it exposes you to your weaknesses. You know that's why I get, I get so passionate about what I do.
Speaker 2:It's because not only am I growing a business that's making you know it's growing wealth and money and people, but I'm growing because your business is always going to be a reflection of you. Right, when I look at the problems that we have in the business, they're my problems. Sometimes it's processes, it's systems, it's organization. It's you know what I mean. When I look at the problems that we have in the business, they're my problems. Sometimes it's processes, it's systems, it's organization. It's you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:It's hard conversations that you avoid A lot of the weaknesses. The weak weaknesses in the business are the weak points that I have as an individual, and so I'm able to look at that and say, all right, well, I want to grow this thing. I have. All right, well, I want to grow this thing. I have to go in, I have to go inwards and change these things and learn why I'm, why I'm like that. Right, I know that you know for me, if it's a hard conversation side, like I know that you know growing up, yeah, you didn't really want to push the buttons because there would be a repercussion. And you, you know, and I and I noticed that pattern that I have still where it's like I'd much rather just go the other direction than like face it head on and have that hard talk because it's like it's just, it is a, a pattern that that has.
Speaker 2:It still affects me from growing up, you know, and but I also I'm to the point now in my life where I'm aware and I recognize that and so I try to, you know, I try to take those hard things or those uncomfortable things and be like all right, what do I need to do today? What do I got to do this week? Like so often every week, I go into the week I'm like all right, what's the big thing this week? That's like I know needs to happen. I've been putting it off. It's uncomfortable, but uncomfortable, but like I'm gonna lean into it and jump into it because I just know I have to and by doing it I always come out better on the other side and I think that that reflects too in our relationship 100 a lot of the times, like, especially in the beginning, like our first, like couple arguments it was very clear to me that, like how your past arguments have gone, like it was very obvious, you know, yeah, and.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's not it. It just helped me understand. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like the, the quick, like defensive trigger defensive trigger immediately and whether that's like with you know ex-girlfriends, or how your parents were or whoever was, whatever you know could have been it was just very clear to me how your conversations of like tougher conversations were handled and so honestly, like I mean we really don't fight that much, but like in the times that, like we have had like little arguments or tiffs, I it has helped me so much understand more like how, why you respond to things different ways and and like it's like, why you um justify not justify just like why, why you might handle situations certain ways.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'll just need to keep pushing your buttons and keep us in you off. No, don't do that, Don't do that. Uh, but no, I mean I, I definitely agree with you.
Speaker 2:I mean, I definitely agree with you and you know, and I think that that's part of growth right. Is that you know, and that's where I think you and I. What I love about our relationship is that you know I have this. A pattern for me is that hard conversations turns to people leaving me. It's abandonment. That's why you get defensive 100% If you're afraid it stems from fear, 100 it stems.
Speaker 1:It stems from fear of something that you could lose 100, yeah, that's like what you know and that's like 100. And I actually, after one of our arguments I googled I'm like, why did? I was like why I literally went into chat gbt and I was like why does my boyfriend get so defensive when I ask him a question? Or, like you know, and it was like defensiveness rooted in fear of losing someone or fear, fear of causing something bigger. Potential for causes risk.
Speaker 2:Right and I'm like risk.
Speaker 1:I'm like he doesn't give a fuck about a risk.
Speaker 2:But I'm like.
Speaker 1:OK, different, but yeah, it was very, I don't know. It's interesting when you start peeling the layers back, Cause I remember when we had um an argument one time and it was like um, I, we were both kind of pouting and I texted you and I was like come, come here, like we need to talk about this, like I'm one that will never go to bed angry, I will die on that Hill. I don't think that that's good for anybody, um, and so you know we eventually talked about it.
Speaker 2:Whatever kiss make up, you're done, but like that, was something that I'm not sure that you have like had a pattern of experiencing before. Oh, no, no, no, I mean, if you know, I mean if I look back as to the childhood side, it would be big blow up.
Speaker 2:You know, everything would happen, and then I would just either stay in my room and be there until you know, and that was such an unhealthy thing Because, you know, I grew up in a family where it was like scream at you, put you down, demoralize you and then come back and want you to be best friends and act like nothing happened.
Speaker 1:So there was never it never, there was no relationship repair.
Speaker 2:There was no relationship repair, so it was just, it was so, it was, you know. So for me it was like okay, so now I just got to just and I did right, forget about the things that happened and like what you said, and you know how bad it hurt and because if I, if I don't for, if I bring it back up or I don't forget about it now, you're in for a rude awakening right. And so you know, there was it, so it's then that would stem into you know, the rest of my life a lot of those.
Speaker 2:A lot of times those things happen.
Speaker 1:So and that's, that's something that I do every single day with my kids.
Speaker 1:Like if I have a kid that's really having a hard day and it's just behaviorally, just like really going through it and not doing well and um, you know we have a, um, you know a big, a big behavioral challenge.
Speaker 1:Let's say, when that is like resolved and we, you know, do all the things that protocol aligns us to do, whatever. The number one thing that I do every single time is relationship repair. I don't care where I am in my schedule, like that is the number one thing and I will just go with that student and just engage with them with whatever the fuck they want to do, and like, even if we don't say a word to each other, just the time, and like the engagement, the eye contact that I'm making with them to just let them know that it's okay, you know, to like just let them know that, like these things happen, this is life I'm, this is life. I'm not going to leave you. You know what I mean. Like I don't love you any less because you know you just screamed at me and did all these things too you know what I mean, like that doesn't make me love you any less.
Speaker 1:I'm here for a reason every day, yeah so I think that that's literally like that is the number one most important thing, because it can be super, super damaging, especially with children. Yeah, you know, growing, growing up A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah that's. I mean, that's really good.
Speaker 2:And I think that's what you know, we, we, we do communicate.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So I think that's a like it's you know I mean for me. Obviously, you know, I feel like you were the person that I needed in my life to be able to, you know, get through a lot of these things because of the way that you can communicate and share and talk and you know, and if there is something like there is an argument or there's something like that, it's not going to turn into like we have an argument today and then it's just like continues and continue you know what I mean like there's a lot of resolution to, to the things that we disagree, or something happens like the fact that we can resolve it, that that it doesn't carry into everything else, Right, cause I think that's one of the hardest things is, and that's a lot of the stuff that you know. Relationships in my past were like you would, you know, have this argument and then you know this argument would go into the next day and the next day it's getting brought back up and it's like so, like petty stuff you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And stuff that's's like now you're going into your work day and you're thinking about it and it's like, and you're walking on eggshells and now you're scared to. You know, talk about it or bring it back up because it's going to create a bigger, you know more chaos.
Speaker 1:So yeah, well, and I think, yeah, 100 percent, I totally agree with you and I've definitely been in the same boat where it's like a key of one argument, no-transcript. I did this and it just like it's a fucking brain fire. Yeah, and I'm like it's horrible. But I in my childhood, growing up, complete fucking opposite, like complete fucking opposite, and I, since I was way young, like I really would get super anxious if I felt like I like disappointed my parents or like made them upset or made them mad and like that wasn't resolved, like they, like I was, I would just get really worried. I was a very worried child and so now, like I am still like that in a sense, where it's like, um, you know, obviously, if we have an argument, it's, you know, done, handled, whatever, move on, but, um, you know, I think I forget what I was going to say. I don't know where I was going with that.
Speaker 2:It's okay, you know, but I don't know Right. Either way, either way, yeah, no, I think. So. I think that's a, that's a, it's a. I mean, no matter what, everything comes down to communication. You know what I mean. You got to talk, you got to resolve things, you got to work through things.
Speaker 2:And I think that also comes down to commitment. You know what I mean. I think that you know, I think that that's such a powerful thing is that you know, when you establish that commitment with somebody and you're in a relationship, like you know, I see a lot of and I look at my past right A lot of the relationships that I had, you know I was in but I wasn't committed. You know what I mean Like it, it, it. It wasn't something. I'm like it was kind of a passer time or maybe you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But I've realized and again, that's where I think everything ties so much into business and shit. Right, I talked to our guys about that all the time. You know there'll be, you know, having a girlfriend and then they got another girlfriend and you know, and I'm like dude, you know, I'm just from my experience like when you don't commit to anything, then you don't commit to nothing. And if you can't be committed to either be by yourself or be with somebody and be committed or don't, you know, because you can't not be committed in the relationship and then think that you're going to turn around and just be super committed to your job and super committed to your success because you're not. You can't be half ass and things 100%.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I totally agree with that. I remember what I was going to say now. Um, just talking about, um, like how I would get anxious if problems weren't solved or if I felt like my parents were still mad at me.
Speaker 1:I bet, from when I was, you know, in high school or in college, having boy, you know, having boyfriends and stuff, like when I would get to that point of like are they still upset with me? They're gonna be mad if I do this. But then I had to really realize, like, are they fucking milking it? Because they're getting more attention from me right now you're right, that's fucked up.
Speaker 2:That's fucked up.
Speaker 1:But yes and so like that's just something I became very aware of, so now I'm not really so much.
Speaker 2:So I can't milk it anymore.
Speaker 1:No, you haven't really. It hasn't been much to milk Right Right.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, what else are we talking about?
Speaker 1:You had your agenda. I did have my agenda. Oh, oh, um, oh, um, just like knowing how to be in control, or at least feel in control, um, in our day to day, without specifically more to you in your role, without coming off as like an asshole or like not leading not, you know, doing the do as I say, not as I do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you not leading not, you know, doing the do as I say, not as I do. Yeah, yeah, you know. I mean, you know leadership is, it's one of those things that's, it's caught, it's not taught Right, and I think that's one of the most important things when it comes to running an organization, because you know you have to, you know, for, like for me, you know I'm I'm not the asshole boss the confrontation, like I think that I probably need more of that, to be honest, like I think that it'll make me like that's literally one of the things like I'm working on, like I'm reading a book called um uh by Dan Kennedy.
Speaker 2:It's like, um, uh, you know the no BS guide to ruthless. You know ruthless team management kind of deal right. So it's like being able to be more straightforward, be upfront, be those things. And you know, when you're just starting a business, you want to be more flexible and you let things go because you think people are going to leave and you need these things. You know what I mean. So it's like you try to hold on to people and you don't want to be super forceful because like, ah, man, if I push them too much they might leave. But then eventually, as you grow as an individual and the business evolves and things happen, you start to realize that it's like, wow, man, this is actually an asset, it's an entity.
Speaker 2:You know, it's not going anywhere, right and Right. And so then you start now. Now you can kind of start to lean into things more, hold people more accountable. And you know, for me a big thing that I've learned is that you know you've got to set, like KPIs, right Key performance indicators, like because you, you have to get yourself out of emotional decision-making is setting, you know, a clear expectation for what success looks like, cause people need that too, right. Cause, just as much as I need to know that they're doing their job, they need to know that they're doing their job because it gives them motivation. It gives them, you know, it encourages them. And so I think that you know, for the business owner size, like you've got to have, you've got to have some form of a, you know indicators that tell people if they're being successful or not being successful. And then, as a boss, like you don't have to be an asshole because you're like hey man, listen, you said you were going to do this, this and this and you're not doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're just kind of blaming it on something else.
Speaker 2:Right, right, and you're or you're not performing, you're not trying, or maybe it's like maybe there's, maybe you're trying really hard in one area. Hey, you know, if I look at a guy's, you know KPIs and you know they're, you know they close 70% of the people that they sit down with, but then they're not. You know they're not closing their. You know, on the lead gen side, maybe they're only getting 10% on appointments or something Right. Then it's to say like all right, well, you're a great closer. So what's happening on the front side? Now you can actually address that. Like so often, employees, they get you know when you tell them to track their things, like they don't want to track it because they almost feel like it's negative. Right, they feel like they're like letting, like, oh, man, I didn't hit this thing. It's like no, none of it is to punish you. It's literally to be able to say where do you need help at?
Speaker 1:You know how can I help you here? That literally correlates almost exactly parallel to what I do with my kids. It's just shaping human behavior.
Speaker 2:That's it 100%.
Speaker 1:I do the same exact things with my students.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:But the way that I approach it is, each one of my kids has a point sheet and I've read this book. I forget what the name of the book is, but every single one of my students has a sheet of paper and it's their daily schedule. It's like broken down. It depends on the kid, but let's say every 30 minutes and then, like you know, three times a day, and it has um points like zero, one to two, and if they follow what's on their schedule, two points. If they don't, refusal, nada, it's a zero. If they do something with you, you know doing something else, but it was planned and you know they functionally communicated what they wanted to do, it's a one, yeah, and so that is like black and white on paper, not necessarily coming from me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:To show them what their expectation is. And then I have a store in my classroom that has, you know, buy a soda, snacks, whatever, and I have like a menu of what they can choose and so like at the end of the each um, they can either save their points like and cash out at during at the end of the day, or they can save it for the end of the week to get like a lunch on friday. Yeah, so like they can kind of set their own standard, yeah that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah but like it's the same type of thing where it's like it takes the pressure off of you and removes the ability to be an asshole. Yeah, same with me. You know, I'm not the one that's telling them what they need to do. That's just the standard and they can choose how they want to meet it or if they don't. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's good. I mean and and you know I'm an empath, whatever, you know what I mean in a sense.
Speaker 2:so it's like I do have a lot of emotional tie to people and employees and and you know, and so it's hard for me to fire somebody you know, what I mean, like I never like to do that and and because, honestly in my head, like when someone comes in and works for me, like I want them to be there with me forever. You know what I mean. And and for most people that's not, it's not going, you know, it's just. It's just not the way that life is right. You got a couple of people that might come in and stay for a long time, extended period of time, but at the end of the day, like we all evolve, we grow so many seasons. You know, and so you know for me that that the emotional tie to employees is like something that you to employees is something that in the beginning it was very important because I had to be that pulse, I had to connect with everybody, because that was their motivation. They're showing up for me.
Speaker 2:As the business has grown, I've been able to do less of that emotional connection where it's like I don't have a lot of people in the business that I had a very, very personal relationship with. That's, you know, and that's the hard part. Because you want to have, you know, you want to be close to people and you want to. You know, take everybody with you and you want to, you know, get, get ahead and kind of help them grow. But there's that, you know, that fine line of like windy when you cut it. You know and and that's the another hard thing, as a business owner and you know especially someone that's progressing as fast as they can and learning as much as they can is that a lot of times you learn and absorb and see all these things and you know you get ahead of the business and then you try to get everybody to catch up to the business and they try to get them to see it and understand it and they can't and you know.
Speaker 2:And then you, you know how long do you hold on, you know how much, and then you know, so that that makes it hard a lot of times when you're trying to grow, uh, you know, an organization so fast that you know not everyone's going to be able to catch up to the speed that you're going, or be willing to do that or willing to to, you know, change the way that they do things. Um, you know, but you know from the initial question, the you know, I think, so much of it as from a leadership side, like I said, it's caught, it's not taught, and so it's you know. You just have to make sure that what standards you're setting for people, that you set those same standards for yourself. Because you know, I've been in, you know, I've seen a lot of people come out and lay the law down we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this and then not do it themselves, and that's the quickest way to lose trust, that's the quickest way to, you know, lose your buy-in, because and it's the quickest way to you know, to be questioned as a leader, right, you know, there might be some instances where I've made the wrong decision or do this or did that and it's cloudy, right. Or do this or do that and it's cloudy, right.
Speaker 2:But you know, I I think that, as a leader, people have a lot of trust in me, right? They know that if I'm like, hey, we're going to do this thing, they don't really need to know why. They're just like, all right, mike says we're going to do it, we're going to do it. We trust him and, as a leader, if you don't have that, it's, it's a hard, it's an uphill battle, battle, you know, and you know that that's where that takes you being able to be intentional and connect with people on an emotional level and understand them, because everybody is motivated differently, and so often I see a lot of leaders that try to motivate or lead people the way that they need led, whether they do things, the things that works for them. But you know, for the 95% of people, they don't learn that way and they don't. They don't understand things that works for them. But you know, for the 95% of people, they don't learn that way and they don't. They don't understand things that way and they don't. You know that doesn't make sense to them. And so, as a leader, it's not, you know, lead the way that you would be led. It's no lead the way that they need to be led. And so it's being able to understand those people.
Speaker 2:And you know, are they visual? You know, are they visual, kinesthetic, are they physical? Like, how do they learn things? How do they absorb things? That you know? You got to sit down and take them through it. You got to know so much about the things that you're asking them to do. When you're asking them to do it for the first time, because you know, if someone doesn't pick up the way that you pick it up now, you're going to get frustrated, like, why aren't you learning it? Why aren't you doing this? You know it's easy and it's not. That doesn't mean that they're not, they don't have the ability to do it, or that they can't learn it, or that they don't, you know, aren't excited and enthusiastic about it.
Speaker 1:They just don't you know you might access it the same way.
Speaker 2:Right, you know, and I think able to, you know, hold people accountable, but part of that is again holding yourself accountable. But but as well, knowing that, dude, you're going to have to exert energy being a leader is fucking exhausting.
Speaker 1:Setting a good example and differentiated instruction yeah, in teacher terms.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a hundred percent, you know, and like leader, like that's the, you know, that's the cross you bear, right? I hate when I see people be frustrated and irritated about the way that people are responding or what they're doing.
Speaker 1:And it's like you, you want a one size fits all Right.
Speaker 2:You want it to be, that you want to fucking lead an army? Well, guess what?
Speaker 1:You're going to have to go into battle, and people are going to have to see you be willing to do the thing that you're asking them to do for them and unfortunately, that's just the way that it is. Yeah, um, our last or my last question for you and I just thought of it actually, but with how? So for our listeners, mike is very committed to his company and his job and like rids all distraction possible, like doesn't even like to go on trips because he doesn't want to leave the office he would live here if he could.
Speaker 1:So when you met me, do you think that it was either I'm 32 years, it's probably time to settle down or was it more of a? She is the right person for me. Just because of now knowing how much that you invest and that you spend with your company and your job, that is so admirable. Why did you make that decision? Because because that brings in a lot of risk to hinder, like, your focus and your emotional well-being, had it not worked out the way it did yeah, it's a good question.
Speaker 2:Um, I think there's multiple things right. Um, I think you hit a couple of them, right, so I think you know. Yes, you were you know the right person. But for me, like in this season of my life, I know that you know. They always say behind every you know, every great man is a great woman, right?
Speaker 2:When you, when you look at the you know, the list of the 400 billionaires that exist, 56, 60% of them are married to their first wife. Still, 20, 30 years later. Majority of the way that my life has just been that, in order for me to get to the next level in my life, that I need a spouse that I can trust, that is home, that is, that has my back that you know throws the, you know jumps in the boat right.
Speaker 2:I? I know that, in order for me to get to where I want to be, I can't, I can't continue to to live the life that you know I'm here till 11 a better leader and have the capacity to become those things that you know I needed to find and wanted to find the person that would make me better, because I truly think that you make me better, like I think that just being with you I've become a better individual. I'm, you know, I I'm very committed to us, which allows me to turn around and be just, just, you know, committed to this thing and all of that and it, you know, whenever you don't have that in your corner, you have that person. You know that that's a lot of distraction outside. You know what I mean. Like you're, you're, you know, if you're trying to talk to a bunch of people and you're going out on a bunch of dates, like that takes a lot of capacity, a lot of energy, a lot of focus and it really takes you out of. You know, continue to be the best version of yourself, and you know so.
Speaker 2:I think that that's like the like that's where I was at in my life looking, but it wasn't like, oh, I'm just going to take whatever. You know what I mean. I've been through in enough relationships that it's like I knew the person that I wanted and you know, I have a, I literally have a book somewhere that like defined all of this, you know, and it was funny because I wrote down and like literally wrote out what my person was going to be like right, because so often we design business plans but we don't design a partner plan.
Speaker 2:It's a manifest right, you know what I mean. We don't actually sit down and think about, like what's the type of individual that I want to be with, I want to marry. We just take what comes to us. And when I sat down and started to like map it out and map out the traits and map out you know how they were, how they treated me, what they were like as a mom, what they were like, all of those things Like I literally went through that and it was funny because my stepmom is dark hair and my mom is blonde hair, and so I've always had this weird thing that you know, because I would be like I remember when I dated, I would date a blonde and my stepmom would be like, oh, what the heck?
Speaker 2:You know, girl, you need brunettes and I'll date a brunette. My mom would be like, well, I thought you liked blondes, right, and so I'm always like man, I need to like someone I don't know what they are, I don't know Like blonde or brown. And then, like you remember, and then you told me like, oh, yeah, well, I'm actually brown, but I have blonde hair. And I was like, well, that's fucking crazy, because it was like it was like that's how like detailed. I was being on it and I'm like I don't know, maybe they're like half blonde, half brown, I don't know. I think that that's so crucial because you know, no different than, again, business or an idea or something that you want to achieve, like you've got to put that shit down on paper and you've got to be able to be super intentioned about it and think about it and manifest it or whatever, to visualize it Right, because I truly believe that life happens by design. We, we, we are in control of everything. It's just whether we're thinking about it the right way.
Speaker 2:And you know, for me, sitting down and like going through that and mapping that out, like when I met you, I literally I mean we, I mean I think we talked about it on here last time but like there was literally texts that you know I talked to you for maybe 15, 20 seconds the night that we met and I literally texted my group chat and I'm like I met my wife tonight.
Speaker 2:So for me it was like I and I'm so in tune with aware, like who I am and my way, and like what I have going on that it's like I don't. It doesn't take me a long time to know if something's right or wrong, or, like you know, I don't isn't take me a long time to know if something's right or wrong, or, like you know, I don't sit on things a lot of times. It's like I knew that when I met you, that it was like I don't know what it was, but everything that's happening is telling me that, like this is literally the person that I need to be with so my question to follow that is what I'm hearing is like every strong man needs a strong woman.
Speaker 1:right, a hundred percent agree. But what I'm hearing is, like how I make you a better person, correct? So in what ways do you think that you retain that attached like connection between you and I? Do you know? Does that make sense? Because, like, what I'm hearing is, like you know, you knew what you were looking for and like you know, every successful person has a strong woman in their corner. So, like, okay, I'm the strong woman in your corner, but what behaviors and what actions have you learned from either previous relationships or books you've read, or just knowledge that you've gathered to then retain and kind of reaffirm me, or whoever their significant other is that then fills their bucket as much as I feel yours yeah, does that make sense?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, like reciprocating it right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, because, it's not like I'm even doing anything specifically yeah to like fill your bucket. It's just like the connection that we have, but, like for a lot of women, I think they will hear that and say, okay, well, yeah, I'm benefiting him by being here, but like, what do I get in return?
Speaker 2:Yeah, in simple terms. Yeah, that's good. I mean for one. I think that you're you.
Speaker 1:Or what should they expect in return?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I, you know, obviously I could say you know, designed it, all these things, you make me better, all of that like that. You know, designed it, all these things, you make me better, all of that like that. You know that there was more pieces to it. Right, that wasn't the only thing. You know what I mean. For me that it's, you know, we, I knew that you were right when just our communication and the ability to be like in, like having in-depth conversations, like you know, we first met and sat there and would talk for three hours.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. It was just like about all these different things. You know, we first met and sat there and we'd talk for three hours. You know what I mean. It was just like about all these different things. And you know, you're very like worldly and you're smart, and it was like I could have conversations with you. I'm like dude, I could literally talk to this girl forever Like I don't, I don't care if we don't do anything, but sit here and talk, and so you know and I so I think for me it's like the communication, even when we talk about, you know, having an argument, right, like you, you diffuse me, right, like it's all these little things. So it's like it wasn't like you just showed up and were all this stuff.
Speaker 2:It was like to me there's traits that you possess that blend well with me, or look for what I'm looking for Right, but on the same side, I think that you know know in retrospect, that there's a lot of things that I bring to the table that you need right.
Speaker 2:Like you said, you sit here and talk about the, you know, analysis by paralysis, by analysis and not jumping in right, it's like we are the complete opposites, which I need someone that is hold up, wait a second, let's make sure this makes sense. And you need someone that's like nah, fuck it, we're jumping to push you outside of your comfort zone, to make you become the best version of yourself, because if we just stay in that lane of what we are, then we don't ever grow, we don't actually expand and try new things. And like, just in the time that we've been together, whether you've thought about doing things or not thought about doing things, I guarantee that you have considered more on the latter side than you did before we met Right, and so it's like I think there's a lot of that and I and I think that you know, like they also. You know women should also. You know and expect somebody that treats them like a queen.
Speaker 1:Right Cause it's like. What does that look?
Speaker 2:like, what does that I mean? I think that it's think that it's, you know, being you know, committed to the person is obviously a big thing being able to, you know, reassure them of the commitment right, like there isn't a distraction, there is nothing else.
Speaker 2:I think, being intentional with those conversations, I think you know making sure that you voice, you know when you think something right, you know, if I see you in the kitchen and you're pretty in a dress, I'm like, oh baby, like, like, intentionally, I'm always looking for ways that I can, you know, help to affirm you of who you are and build you up and make you feel like that queen, right, like, so you don't ever have to think, am I not enough? Or, as you know, we. But that takes time, it takes you being intentional as a man. It's like, yeah, I might work a lot, I'm super focused on all these things, but when we go out and we get a dinner, you're my only focus. You know what I mean and I'm, and I want to, and I'm constantly thinking. I mean, while I'm on my way home, like I knew I was gone for a couple of days. You know, and I know that you're, you were going through some stuff too, and so I was like we need to get dinner tonight. I need to make sure, like I do something intentional so that she feels like she's getting something out of it too, that it's not like, all right, you've just been gone, you're going to come home and like, sit on the couch.
Speaker 2:It's like no, I want to come home. I want to take you out to dinner, I want to spend some time with you Intentional time. You know, let's dress up Like we went and freaking to Hy mean Cause. It's like, no, you want to wear that thing, cool, I don't. I don't care if you're wrapping up in a tree. I'll get up in a tree with you. You know what I mean. So I think that you know and it took me a lot of time to develop and get to that point. You know. It's like I know that. You know. Obviously you're younger than me, but you know your maturity level and the things that you deal with, like you need a man that's mature. You need a man that doesn't play games.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, that you don't have time for that, and so I think that you know that's where a lot of our uh, you know reciprocation comes from is that you know there's the things that I need, the security, and you know the the fact of knowing that you're committed and like cause to me.
Speaker 2:I've never had somebody that has made me feel so sure that they're not going anywhere, right, I've never had that, and you know, and you've always made me feel like that, and so I think that, um, you know that you, we, just we, um, it's a yin and a yang kind of thing, right, and I think that that's what, you know, a guy like me needs.
Speaker 2:But I also realize that I can't just be the only one that gets right, whereas I was like, oh yeah, I'm just going to do my thing and you know, I'm glad, thanks for being committed to me, you know, and but it's it takes me being intentional, it takes me, you know, going and sitting with your family and spending time when I could be working, I could be doing these things Right, or it's like, you know, I try to try my best to to make sure that I fill those cups. I know that if I'm gone or I'm working a lot and I and I in communicating it right, like I know, when you're not feeling like you're getting enough time, cause I would get home and I can tell and I'm like hey, listen, I know that I'm fucking busy right now and I'm working hard, but like how can I make it up?
Speaker 2:How can I? You know what I mean, rather than ignoring it and not saying anything or getting frustrated. If you bring it up to me, right, I'm like, yeah, you see me more and I'm like I try to beat you to it. You know what I mean and it's just me being aware of those things and really knowing what your counterpart needs. Um, I think a lot of guys is they. Sometimes they mistake time for being around.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, like a lot of times. You know most women don't and I don't. Obviously I'm not a woman, so I don't necessarily know. But from my perspective, what I've learned is that you know, you. You know if she wants more time with you, it's not always going and spending 10 hours together all day, sitting and next to each other. It's you setting the time aside to make a date plan, to schedule something, to prepare something, to do something intentional Right. I think that that's where a lot of times, we make mistakes, because it's like, oh, I'm spending time with you, but it's like it's not intentional time.
Speaker 1:Right, I think there's a big difference between you know you working from home and, yeah, we're home together all day, but also, like that's not 10 minutes of a conversation between you and I, where I can like look you in the eye and like we can have a really not even anything about anything deep, just like a conversation with you, that like you're locked in. That means more to me than us just being in the same household all day, right, well, that's why I don't even really work from home.
Speaker 2:Right, because if I'm home I know that I would just get into all that. You right, because if I'm home I know that I'll just get into all that. You know. I mean, here and there, if I gotta do something, I'll do it, but I would much rather come here and work and then be home. Right, it's like the it.
Speaker 1:Just it's hard to mix the two, um, you know, because we tell ourselves at all I'm home, but it's like that's not what she really wants and for the girls that might be listening to this, like if you're with a man or a woman that's or you know, for anybody who's listening to this if your significant other is, um, you know, has a similar type of job situation and you know their bucket is being filled by the security and the safety that you give but you're not receiving any of, you're not getting your bucket and your cup filled in the ways that you need, that.
Speaker 1:There's no justification for that. Yeah, especially if you've communicated that. Yeah, you know, yeah, and I think the biggest thing that I really admire about you that I haven't experienced is, like you listen to me, like when I tell you, like you know, I feel, like you know, we just haven't even working a lot, which is great. I will never tell you, you know you can't work whatever, but like, I just want, like can I just have 30 minutes of where you're? Just put your fucking computer away.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna throw it out the window you know what I mean and you will listen to me and you get it, and it's not like a resentment thing, it's not like. Oh my god, you know it turns into a whole argument like no, like that's, she's not asking for that much, and so then like and I can see like a pattern of that changing, you know, and so that's like very satisfying and it makes women feel, or anybody feel, really hurt. Yeah, you know, and that can fill a lot of other deeper buckets that you or them might know, not know it's there yeah, well, and I, and I think it it does.
Speaker 2:You know it is being it doesn't take much to satisfy a woman, right?
Speaker 2:What we think sometimes it takes. It usually doesn't actually Like it's, like it doesn't have to be this whole thing, like it could be as much as I know that if we're not communicating well, or I'm at the office till super late and I'm getting home and you're already in bed, like when I know that I've done that a few days or I have been, I'm like I will leave a note on the mirror, write you something or shoot you a big text Like it's that takes 15 seconds and you know I could definitely do it more. You know what I mean. But just in the fact of doesn't have to always be this big extravagant event, and you know, most of the time you don't even want that. You just want the connection with me, right, right, and the fact that I know that you exist and I'm intentional to like not just pass by it and keep going. It's like no, I know that I'm busy, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I got to make sure that she, she knows she's loved.
Speaker 1:Well and with the security that you feel in our relationship. You still know my boundaries and you still know my standards. You know what. I mean, so like that never goes without fail.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:So like, yes, you know I, our connection is super strong and like being able to provide that like safety and security. Um, you know feeling for you, but you also know that like what, I don't know what my boundaries are and like how far that can go, and same with you. You know what I mean. So like I think that that's, and, and the thing too is like the little things that you do, like the notes on the mirror, or like you know when lady take my car letting me take your car or like, um, when I, you know, with my knee surgery, filling up the thing with ice and like getting it ready for me.
Speaker 1:Like those are things, especially the notes on the mirror I just love that shit. But like those are the types of things that like I'm going to tell my daughters that you did yeah, not the dinner at hyde park right, you know what I mean. Love a dinner at hyde park, but like it really it doesn't take that much no, even getting your car detailed yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like that didn't take much more than me, any more than me just calling somebody and said hey, man, can you pick up Lee's car and get it done? Right? And there's obviously a cost to it, but at the same time it's like okay, a small investment to be able to have your car looking nice for you when you and I have to say and so much of it for men is is like you just gotta be aware, dude like, just don't be fucking ignorant.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. And with the car detail situation too was something I mentioned months ago yeah or like weeks ago, I was like damn, I really want to get my car detailed yeah and so when I got my acl surgery, it's like, oh, I took your car to get detailed, like we didn't even really talk about it until then, and I was like, oh, you remembered that. Yeah, you know what I mean. So it's like being thoughtful with you know, just being thoughtful and like listening to what she says and what she likes.
Speaker 1:Well, and it's the smallest thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's just it's.
Speaker 2:You know, like I said, it doesn't take a lot, it's it's looking, it's looking for the opportunities.
Speaker 2:That's one thing that I and you know, it's probably just my pattern because of life I'm just always looking for, you know, the next thing or the move that's got to be made. But at the same time, like I act like I get something nice for you, like it literally gets me, because to me it's like giving and filling somebody's cup is the closest thing to god, right, like when you can help somebody and you like nothing feels better than when you give to somebody, especially when you give to somebody that you know reciprocates it and is grateful for it. So I think that's a hard part. A lot of relationships, too, where, like, they just get stagnant and you know I could do all this for, and it's not like this um, it's not a game either to say like who can do more for the other one? Right, because I've seen a lot of been in those things too, where it's like, oh, what it is for you, so you should do this, and it's like no, I don't we don't keep score.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean of the things that we do for each other.
Speaker 1:It's just like I know that I feel really good when I do nice things for you, and so I'm looking for that opportunity and well, and I'm sorry, yeah, and but I do and I like to do nice things for you because I feel like very proud to be where I am, to like I, I feel very like, I feel very fulfilled and like fortunate and lucky to be your girlfriend and so like that's kind of what drives my same.
Speaker 2:Not to be my girlfriend, but to be your boyfriend, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that kind of like you know, drives my type of motivation to do some, just do little things. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'll. I'll end it with this. So probably it was. This is a few months ago. I had a friend of mine from back home and you know, he, he texted me one day.
Speaker 1:He's like hey man, how you doing, I'm like I'm doing good bro, how are you?
Speaker 2:And he's like oh man, I'm bad dude. Like me and my wife were getting divorced. You know all this stuff. Frank like sends me this big thing. He's like dude. I just don't understand, bro.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I gave her everything. You know I gave her, I gave her all of me, right? And you know he's on this victimizing terror and I was like, yeah, bro, I got. You know that makes sense, but did you ever consider maybe that it's not about you giving her everything as much as it's about, like you becoming everything, you becoming the best version of yourself.
Speaker 2:Like so often, we just try to give and give and give and, like I've seen guys that go through hoops and give all of themselves to a spouse and that that that's good, but at the same time, I'm like there's nothing more attractive than somebody that's trying to become the best version of themselves. You know what I mean and I think that that's that's a big thing that we've got to stay aware of is that, you know, even if you're, you know you're not the person that's an entrepreneur and you're doing all those things. It's like take care of your fitness, take care of yourself. You know, look good, do, do as much as you can to be a, be somebody that they would feel proud of. You know what I mean. It's like I'm avidly, yeah, trying to. I want to be the best version of myself and I want to help you become the best version of yourself. And I think that's such an important part of all of it, cause, like you can give and you can take and you can do all these things, but like, who do you help that person become and who are you becoming through that process too? And it's so important because you can't give from an empty glass and think that that's going to fill them up.
Speaker 2:It's like, no, you, you've got to. You've got to fill you up. You've got to become someone that they want to be with. You've got to be, you know, become that, that male there, that man that is, you know, a strong, powerful guy. You know what I mean. It's like you've got to be that, because if you don't, then you're going to end up like my buddy, you know, who just gave his, gave everything, but stopped filling himself up and stopped taking care of himself.
Speaker 2:And you know, eventually then it's like then they get into a pattern of like, then they just take, take, take, take, take. You know what I mean. And then now it's resentment and all the shit that comes from it. But like you, you've gotta, you've gotta be willing to. You know, do and, and you have to set that tone from the beginning, like that's another important thing, right? It's like you've one of the things with us why I feel like we do as good as we do is because I was very honest with you when I met you.
Speaker 2:I was very honest with what I wanted. I was very honest for what I was looking for. I was very honest for where I want to see my life, what it would be like with you in it. Like I didn't, I didn't try to play it off as I was something different or I was less of this, or I would overextend myself. Like I would be honest, like, oh, I can't do that tonight and you would too. You know what I mean. And it's like the communication and the honesty and the transparency you know, cause so often we tell somebody what they want to hear and then we resent them for the fact that we told them what they wanted to hear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause you don't want to do it.
Speaker 2:Right, you know what I mean and it's so. It's just, you know, I think that's a, that's a thing to to look at yourself and say, you know, my relationship isn't going as well as I thought it would be, or how it could be. Like, how are you showing up for you? Because, yeah, it might force a little tension if you're not doing everything you do, but at the same time, it's like the right person for you is going to want to see you be the best version of you, yeah, well.
Speaker 1:And also that just stems back to you've got to be okay with yourself first, before you even attempt to be in a relationship with anybody. You've got to be okay on your own, yeah. If not, okay, you've got to be fine. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, because then it it doesn't have much of a toll on you emotionally, mentally, which then you know, I've been in relationships before where you know we'll have the slightest bit of an argument and it'll ruin my whole fucking day, yeah, and I'll be on the verge of tears all day. Yeah, and it's horrible, and I never want to be that girl again. No, and so, like I had to do, we talked about this last podcast, but you've got to be okay with who you are before you even try to introduce somebody else, because you, it is not somebody else's responsibility to make you happy you preach.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's good okay, good pod, babe, good pod. That was a good one that was a good one.
Speaker 2:So we appreciate you guys. We're not done here, no. So thank you guys for tuning in. Um, you know we're excited to continue to do this. Leah had a little mishap with the knee and so it set us back a week or so, but we're getting back in the groove. We're going to continue to drop these every week. Hold us accountable to that. We've got to make that happen and we're working on getting some newsletter stuff and all that together as well to where you guys can get a little more involved if you want to hear certain things. You know. Another side of it, too is let us know if there's anything that you know we can touch on, talk about. You know we're not necessarily sitting here as experts. We're just sitting here and, you know, talking about what we have going on and what we're experiencing. So, you know, maybe we can shine some light on some things that you know you're going through. You can find me at at Michael McGovern, our CEO, and you are.
Speaker 1:Leah Harkness zero one. And then our Instagram podcast is or Instagram for our podcast is the opposite ends podcast.
Speaker 2:We'll keep you up to date on there and be dropping them. So we have a YouTube channel now and we have a YouTube channel, so we're going to get those rolling out as well, and so appreciate y'all listening in and we'll see you next week.
