Gray Divorce: Why Divorce Over 50 On The Rise (And How to Avoid It)

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Transcript

0:32

There is a new relationship trend making headlines in the United States, and that is gray divorce. Couples are getting divorced after the age of 50 in record numbers, and if you're over the age of 65, divorce has. Tripled. Now, what's really interesting is on this channel we do get people who have been divorced and on my husband's channel where he helps people move to other countries. We actually work with a lot of, uh, people who are retirees or about to retire. And we also noticed, wow, a lot of these guys are getting divorced. So I was like, you know what? We gotta go do a reaction video to talk about what is going on and what causes some of these issues in what that lead to divorce after the age of 50. I have an article that just came out recently'cause this is. Blowing up the internet in the United States. And then I will also give some of my thoughts based on coaching women for 15 years in different areas of their lives, on some of the things we could do to maybe. Avoid some of the issues that lead to great divorce because I was going through the list and I was like, a lot of this stuff can be avoided. So that is what we are going to do. Hi, my name is Amanda. Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to. So if that's something that you're interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell. So you don't want me to say single video. That we have coming out on this channel. Lately, we've been talking a lot about relationship issues, cultural issues, masculine energy, feminine energy, how women can find healthy men, uh, to marry lots of really good juicy things, so make sure to subscribe and hit that notification bell. We've also been doing more reaction videos like this on things going on in society. We are also gonna be doing live streams where we'll be doing live q and as answering your relationship or life coaching questions. As always, if you like this, give it a, like, there's a lot of confusion out here with both men and women, especially in Western countries in terms of what. Healthy relationships even look like. So you can help solve the relationship crisis by giving this a thumbs up because it helps the algorithm get it in front of more people. And as always, if I have trainings or courses or ways to work with me that go deeper into some of the concepts that will come up on this video, then I will make mention of it. But you can find everything in the description and there will be a QR code. Around here somewhere, you just snap a photo and it'll take you to all the trainings that we have. Okay, let's get into it. Gray divorce, the new phenomenon that is all over the news in the United States, and I was looking at some news from other countries. Now, other countries are starting to report on the gray divorce phenomenon going on in the United States. So let's, let's get into it. Let's see the reasons why divorce over the age of 50 is skyrocketing.

Justin Keltner-1 3:29

The gray divorce phenomenon, this has been all over the internet in the last week. Oprah just did an interview about this. It's, there's a bunch of news articles coming out about this recently, so let's get into it. Why so many older couples are falling victim to the gray divorce phenomenon. And as I said. Uh, one of my husband's businesses is a relocation company. He helps people move to other countries. A lot of times it's people who are over the age of 50 who are looking to retire in other countries, and we have noticed a trend with a lot of them getting divorced. So we can just, I can see this happening, right? Just in my husband's business. So divorce lawyers are making a pretty penny, uh, now a day. Okay, so here are the key takeaways and we'll get into it and then I'll share my commentary. Great divorce happens when couples over 50 decide to divorce after long marriages. Common reasons for great divorce include empty nest syndrome. I will get to that. And financial disagreements. I will get to that too, because I spent eight years as a financial educator and a lot of this financial stuff can be avoided. So that's what we're going to be talking about. Great divorce can be financially hard, uh, especially on women who may face a bigger drop in living standards. At which point why do it? Right. I a lot in the Oprah interview, they were talking to a researcher and an attorney. And part of what they were talking about in the Oprah interview is women being like, well, I've got another 15 years on me, so why don't I just go get divorced and live my best life? Because you're not gonna live your best life. Right. Because you are starting over. Uh, essentially. So that's why I'm like, why? And also when I read a lot of the reasons, like I said, a lot of these things can be avoided, uh, or talked through. Some cannot. Right. But a lot of them can. So that's what I wanted to, uh. Get to today. So Bill and Melinda Gates, Hugh Jackman, and Deborah Lee Jackman, r Ray Pearlman and Danny DeVito. What do any of these couples have in common? They're all divorced after decades. Long marriages. See, there's this growing trend of older couples calling it quits, and the research backs this up too. A 2021 report by the US Census Bureau. So again, this is particular to the United States, found that more and more couples over the age of 65 are divorcing. After being married four years, if not decades, why are older couples after spending nearly half their lives together, ending their relationship? This phenomenon, dubbed grade divorce is one explanation for the growing number of single person US households. Okay. Um, so the reasons behind it are complex and varied. Uh, statistics suggest that baby movers are more prone to divorce. Uh, and there's actually interesting studies done on this by Adam Lane Smith, uh, baby boomers, a lot of them did not grow up with healthy attachment styles at all in the household. He's talked about this on his channels, so I. I would not be surprised if that is a contributing factor because the United States is dealing with like a hundred years of attachment trauma in families, and we're seeing, you know, society fall apart. As a result, uh, factors like empty nest syndrome, shifting priorities, financial problem problems, reduced stigma around divorcing, can all play a role, uh, keep reading to learn, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. What is great divorce? It's often defined as divorce that occurs as through the age of 50, following a long-term marriage. These individuals have often been married for many years or decades, but ultimately decide to split. How common is it? 1 20 22 study looking at historical trends in gray divorce found that divorce rates among middle aged and older adults have increased since 1970. Gray divorce was relatively uncommon in 1970 and grew only modestly until 1990. In 1990 8.7% of marriages among people over the age of 50 ended in divorce. By 2019, that number had grown to 36. Percent. The researchers also noted that people over the age of 65 are the only age group with growing divorce rates. In contrast, the divorce rate among young adults in their twenties and thirties has actually declined in recent years. Yay. I think people are. Going to therapy and coaching, um, and trying to work through their stuff because they certainly did not see older generations doing that, which obviously is part of what we're seeing. So generational influences. Uh, one explanation for growing div great divorce rates is that baby boomers adults born between 1946 and 1964, make up the bulk of the age group over 50. And this generation is more likely to divorce than older and younger generations. Boomers were more likely to divorce during their younger adult years, and their divorce rates have also continued. To rise, um, as they age. I would be curious to see, um, the difference between, um, like a multi-generational Americans versus first generation Americans, like my parents. I would be interested to see that. I don't know if it would make a difference, but I would be interested to see kind of how that plays out between immigrant households, uh, versus. Non-immigrant households in the United States. Okay. Other factors that increase the risk for great divorce include the number of previous marriages. We know that and the number of years a person has been married, remarriages are less likely to last. Again, we also know that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um. While the length of marriage is a risk factor for grade divorce, many couples who split after the age of 50 have been in marriages lasting decades. According to statistics by the Pew Research Center, 34% of grade divorces are between couples married for at least 30 years, and 12% are between couples married 40 years or longer. So here's some of the contributing factors, and again, some of these can be avoided. Okay. That's why I wanna talk about this. And this is based on my 15 years of experience coaching women in different areas of their lives. So empty nest syndrome, that's when kids leave the home. If you saw the interview that my husband, where I interviewed my husband, uh, recently, he brought up this very interesting point that a lot of you liked. Uh, and it's very practical, which is the fact that couples need to find something other than their kids to keep the marriage together, uh, because we know. We now know this, that now more divorces are happening because of empty nest syndrome. When you've made your entire life, your kids, and now the kids are not in the home anymore, you have nothing in common'cause the kids are not there. So one thing that's interesting is couples who run businesses together, you don't have to run a business together, but at least have hobbies, have projects. Like my, my parents have been married for 40 some odd years, right? They're both, uh, my none of us are in the house anymore. None of the kids. They exercise, they have hobbies, they have all kinds of projects to keep them busy and keep them, uh, together. My parents were also religious, so obviously that plays a, a part in it as well.'cause they're like, we ain't getting divorced. Okay. Because that's their, their value system. Um, and I would also venture to say that in the United States we have less and less religion, which I'm sure is probably a contributing factor, uh, to this as well. I don't know if that's gonna come up. In this article, I do not think it does. Um, so basically, you know, if you, if you've made your whole marriage about your kids and then your kids are not there anymore. Yeah, you're gonna be at each other's throats. Now, one of the things that you can do is you can find things other than the kids. Maybe it's running businesses together. Uh, couples who run businesses together actually only have a 10% divorce rate. They have some of the lowest divorce rates, uh, of any group, uh, of people because there's something bigger keeping you guys together, uh, that needs, that needs to run. Right? And you learn. Um, you learn how not to be immature because businesses need to run regardless of how you feel, right? So that's maybe a contributing factor, uh, as to. Why, and as I was talking about my last reaction, video, American Society is very immature right now. Now, if you have a business, it's going to mature you. Uh, it has to, or your business is not going to survive. It's not going to make money, like it's not going to be successful. So have some sort of other projects, uh, other than your kids or some of the things that you can do right, is let's say your kids are out and you're realizing you don't know each other again, go date. Each other again, pretend you're like together for the first time again because you basically have a, you have like a new life that you are now building financial issues. Arguments over money can become more pronounced as couples near retirement age, it becomes harder to find common ground and maintain the peace. So here's the thing about money. And I say this because I spent from 2010 to like 17, 18 in the financial education space. You can go Google it. I have a Amazon bestselling book in the category. I, you know, I've been on the news for things like, uh, TransUnion. You can go Google it. I spent like seven, eight years in the financial education space. And one of the things that you really had to learn how to do, and one of the things you had to learn how to talk about, uh, as a couple. Is money, and I'm gonna tell you the truth. Most couples do not talk about money. They don't, most couples have no idea what is going on in the financial life, right? Most couples don't have financial goals together. Most couples don't even know how much debt they're in. So one of the things that couples need to start learning how to do, and they need to start doing this early on, and then you could avoid this issue after the age of 50, is you better learn how to have some conversations about money. And sometimes those conversations are hard. And again, this is where maturity needs to come into play. But yeah. You know how many people out here get married without? Under ever having talked about money? I think, um, one of the, the things that we should have in premarital counseling if it doesn't exist yet, is teaching couples how to talk about money. Because money is an area of life that could be very emotionally charged. There can be a lot of trauma around money, depending on how somebody grew up. Financial opposites tend to attract each other. That is something I saw a lot when I was in the financial education space and doing a lot of coaching, um, in that area. Of life. Uh, but you have to learn how to talk about money, right? So have those weekly money dates, don't wait until the age of 50, right? Have those weekly money dates. Uh, know what is going on. A lot of women out here will come to this channel and they'll be like, well, if a man is a provider, then he has control over me. Girl, you know where the accounts are. If you're with a healthy. Right. He's got your name on the accounts. If you are a healthy man, he's sitting down with you and telling you what is going on. If he's a, he is not leaving you in the dark. Right? And what happens with a lot of couples, so I'm not surprised to see this of all ages, is that they, they don't talk about money. They don't talk about it at all. They avoid the conversation like the plague actually. So one of the things couples need to learn how to do is learn how to talk about money and financial goals. And you know, my husband and I talk about money all the time, right? Because we wanna know like where we're going and what's going on and what are we doing and what are we building toward and all that kind of stuff, right? Infidelity, um. Are there things that can avoid infidelity? Maybe. But infidelity is one of those things that can happen to good people who did everything right. So. It can happen to anybody. It is what it is. Okay. Health problems, right? Health challenges like a serious chronic condition can major majorly strain a relationship. Some couples find that they're unable to handle health issues that emerge as they age. Notably, research indicates there's a gender disparity in how health problems affect couples. Studies reported a higher divorce risk that the wife develops. I've seen this, a chronic illness, whereas men who become disabled or Ill do not face the same level of risk again, emotional immaturity. That's what I'm going to put that down to because, um, and this may be a cultural thing'cause I'm Latina, you take good care of people, the whole family is gonna come in and take care of people. But that is something that is different in the United States because again, in the United States, it's all about your feelings and your personal happiness in the United States, here in Latin America, it's all about the family. So I have heard this right? I know it happens. It doesn't make sense to me as a Latina, like we were caregivers for all of my grandparents. You know, it's expected that, you know, if something hap when my hu my dad was sick of a few years ago, which is part of what led to my spiritual awakening that I've talked about on this channel. Like my mom was right, right by his side. I was there right by his side. Like it just doesn't compute for me. It doesn't make sense. Or with my grandparents, we were dealing with some very serious health problems and we were caregivers again, doesn't compute, doesn't make sense, but it could be a cultural thing. Um, growing apart, one of the most significant causes of great divorce is the changes people experience as they age. Growing apart is the most frequently cited reason for divorce at any age. For other adults, specifically, aging represents a big change, and people's priorities, interests and needs may shift as they grow older. I don't think it's growing apart. I think it's that people don't know how to maintain polarity in a relationship. People don't know how to keep the sexy. That's what growing apart means, right? Uh, changing expectations. Our expectation, because here's the thing, right? No one ever stays the same, ever. Right. Like I'm a different person from in like six months than I was six months ago. So again, this whole growing apart thing doesn't make any sense to me because this is a given that people are going to change. And again, I think a lot of this has to go back to those personal feelings. Right where everything in the United States is based off of people's personal feelings, and that's how they're all making decisions right now. And of course, you're gonna cite growing Apart as a problem because you have no idea how to talk about this. No one's got relationship skills, barely anybody. In the United States, uh, you made your whole life, your kids, as we already mentioned, that that's one of the the things, right? And again, it's like, oh, well we're growing apart. I wanna do this over here because this makes me happy. And if you're, you don't wanna do that, then I'm gonna divorce you. You know, like that's the mentality, which is we've done other videos, um, about that, right? So for older adults, positioning priorities, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Again, it just doesn't make sense to me.'cause isn't it a given that people are going to change? Wow. Like I'm totally different person than I was a year ago. Right? So again, that one doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I think that has to do with, um, emotional immaturity, which we know is an issue in the United States. Uh, personal happiness above everything else, which again, is a cultural thing in the United States. Um, and not knowing how to keep a relationship spicy. Okay, uh, change the expectations. Our expectations for what we consider a healthy, satisfying marriage have also changed over time. Today, couples are more likely to place a greater emphasis on how the relationship makes them feel, including whether it contributes to their overall happiness and fulfillment. What did I just say? The United States is emotionally immature. It is emotionally stunted. That is where we have gotten, um, as a society, uh, societal changes, society change. Societal changes have also influenced this relationship of people. Older adults were often raised with the expectation that they would marry, have children, and go old together. Today, many not recognize that there is no one side fits all path to a happy life again, personal happiness above everything else, and women have more freedom and financial independence than past generations. And again, I've said this before, this is a huge difference between the united. States and other countries and other cultures is that the United States has an overemphasis on personal feelings and personal happiness, and there's, and because of that, we have like a level of immaturity that is now running the show in the United States, which is leading to. All these freaking problems and all these trends that we see on social media, the majority of all divorces are initiated by women. We know that, and this is true for great divorce as well. Um, in the last 50 years, women have gained greater economic independence that have held and maintained their own careers. This has created more options for women on many fronts. I think there also is something going on here, which again, has to do with not understanding polarity and mass. Feeling energy and feminine energy and how they're supposed to work together, that there are women out here who are exhausted. So I think that has a lot to do with it as well. I will be doing other videos specifically about that because I do believe that is a contributing factor. But again, it could be managed. It could be mitigated. It could be avoided altogether. We can fix it if we need to fix it. Um, and then it goes into the financial considerations as a great divorce.'cause you're dividing assets, the retirement savings, healthcare costs, like you're asking for a harder life because of your feelings, is what I'm getting from this. Um, a lot of the time. And again, it could just be a cultural thing because I am Latina and I totally understand that my cultural understanding of this may just be different. Um, but this is a huge difference, as I've said over and over and over again between the United States and the rest of the world. Is that Americans will find a way for their lives to be harder based on their own personal feelings and their own personal happiness. Then, then, then they make massive life altering decisions based on their feelings. And then. What happens is they find out a few years down the road that that was a mistake and they shouldn't have done it because now their life is harder. This is why I talk so much about emotional regulation on this channel and making decisions from an emotionally regulated state and learning how to become a healthy, mature person. Because when you become a healthy, mature person, you can avoid a lot of this. You can avoid so much of it, right? Because you'll have other interests besides your kids and other forms of connection. You would've been talking about money the whole time. Um, you would have the maturity that when things get difficult, you stay with it. And again, it could just be a cultural thing. Um, yeah. The only thing I've gotten from this is that it all comes down to feelings. Which is the, um, it's the general idea that I've gotten from the message that men and women are getting in the United States, which is then causing a lot of issues, uh, in the society. We've gone way overboard with the concept of personal happiness and feelings, and we need to learn how to be mature again, because in other countries it's more about values, uh, and it's not necessarily your feelings, but it's kind of. Your feelings. We need to be mature adults here. So that's what's going on with great divorce. That is what's going on. That is my opinion, again, based on coaching women and. For 15 years in different areas of their lives, having to change my own mindset about a lot of the stuff, uh, in my marriage, having literally coached people on finances for seven, eight years, I can tell you a lot about how much people don't talk about money and how that will absolutely, uh, lead to a divorce. Let me know if you want me to do more videos on money and how to talk about that and how to bring more in and all that. Let me know in the comments'cause I spent a lot of time in that space. Um, but yeah. We are, we're seeing divorce skyrocket over the age of 50. Good news being that divorce in other age groups. Uh, so under the age of 50 we're seeing less divorce rates there. I think that's a good thing. I think people are working on themselves. I think people are going to therapy. I think people are watching YouTube channels like this. I think people don't wanna make the mistakes that other generations have made. So that gives me a lot of hope and it should give you a lot of hope as well.

23:57

So as you can see, this gray divorce phenomenon is quite interesting. I think it's interesting to see things that are going on, but main conclusion that I got from this based on my 15 years of experience, coaching women in different areas of their lives, traveling around multiple countries, living in multiple countries. There's just emotional immaturity running the show, and we know that because a lot of things in the United States have been based off of people's feelings for a long time, which is a very huge difference from what you see in other cultures and other countries that, uh, don't have such high, uh. Divorce rates and don't have as much of a collapse of the society that is going on. Good news being that younger generations in the United States are now getting divorced less. I think it's at a 50 year low from what I saw. This is fantastic because it means that people are starting to take. Responsibility for relationships. I mean, I see it here growing this YouTube channel. I see it on my, you know, husband's business, uh, and things like that with people starting to make different decisions for their lives and trying to heal a lot of the things that caused a lot of issues for previous generations. So that does give me a lot of hope. Thank you so much for giving me your time today. If you liked it. Give it a, like, it helps us get it in front of more people.. In addition to that, if you want any trainings on male psychology, how the psychology of commitment works, feminine energy, which a lot of these women probably did not have, is part of what I'm seeing as a common denominator on all these reaction videos. And you can check out everything in the description below. Uh, there's also gonna be a QR code around here somewhere. Where you can check that out as well. Make sure to subscribe and hit the notification, but also you don't miss any of these videos, whether it's a reaction video, a training video, or a live. We're going to be coming out more to talk more about, uh, these relationship issues that are coming out in the United States, these cultural issues that are happening all over the world, and how we can do our part in making the world a better place. So thanks for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.