Dating Tips for Women: Stop Being the “Cool Girl” and Start Being Chosen

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Transcript

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If you've been playing it chill, low maintenance, unfazed, and always agreeable in order to be more desirable to a man, you are not actually empowered. You're actually abandoning yourself, and most healthy men are not actually attracted to this kind of behavior. It is time to stop performing and actually start owning your worth as a woman. If you want commitment from a healthy man, we need to talk about how you need to give up being the cool girl. Hi, my name is Amanda. Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to. Lately we've been talking a lot about relationship dynamics. I've been giving my take on cultural phenomenons, like great divorce as an example. We've been talking about. Communication styles, healthy relationship dynamics, manifestation, nervous system regulation, and so much more. So if that's something that you're interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video that we have coming out on this channel. And make sure to give it a thumbs up because it helps us get it in front of more women who are struggling with dating and trying to figure out how on earth do I make sense of this mess in 2025 and beyond. And as always, if I have any extra resources. That are available for those of you who wanna go deeper into either male psychology or dating, or the psychology of commitment, then you can find everything I have available in the description. Or I will have a QR code here somewhere. So let's talk about it. Who is the cool girl? The cool girl is the chick who is chill. She's low drama. She's a no needs woman. She's hot. She's fun, and she's convenient, which is why it doesn't work with healthy men. She doesn't complain. She doesn't ask for too much. She doesn't need anything. And what's going on here is that a lot of women think that. If they behave this way, which basically you are an emotionally convenient boundaryless woman in the eyes of a healthy masculine man. So you are not attractive, uh, to him. Essentially, what you think you're doing as a cool girl is that you're. Playing it cool, right? You're easygoing and if you're the cool girl and don't complain too much, then what will happen is that he will magically fall in love with you and choose you because you're so laid back. That's what most women unfortunately end up falling into. And then what ends up happening more often than not is that the healthy men do not choose them, but the men who will continue pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing their boundaries and their values will absolutely. Choose them. So for example, uh, the way that this comes up a lot is that a lot of women want to get married and they will start dating and they will not tell their suitors that they are dating for marriage because they don't wanna scare'em off. They wanna be the cool girl. They wanna be laid back. Now what ends up happening, is if you tell a man that you wanna get married and he gets scared off good, you just saved yourself a lot of headaches. But most men, most, most healthy men and men who also, believe it or not, there's lots of men out here who wanna get married and commit. They're not commitment phobic like you've been told. They will respond to that and they will respond accordingly. My husband knew that I was ready to get married before we were even dating. He just knew there was no hiding it, there was no, uh, controlling. There was just like, it is what it is. Basically, you know, this is what I want, this is what I desire. And the reality is that healthy masculine men are attracted to women who know what they desire and know how to communicate what they desire. If you're being the cool girl, you're doing the exact opposite. You're not communicating anything at all and then you're just there kind of flapping in the wind and you're like, I'll go wherever the wind goes. And that's not, it's not attractive to healthy masculine men. The other reason why it doesn't work is because it means you don't have any boundaries. And the thing is that men will test you and they will push your boundaries, especially unhealthy men. And if you don't have any boundaries, then you're not very attractive to a healthy man. So again, being the cool girl kind of backfires. Now, one of the, the. Characters of tv, for example. There's a few that I think about when it comes to this cool girl archetype. One of them is Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. Now. Now we all know that she was actually just really emotionally stunted and immature and insecure. But at the time, at the time, she was like, I'm cool, you know? So that would be an example. Another example that comes to mind is Grace Adler from Will and Grace again. We know now that she's actually kind of insufferable and insecure, but at the time she's like, I'm cool. I'm laid back. So those are some of the ones that come to mind. Neither of those two characters ended up in good relationships. Neither of them. Absolutely none of them. But what happens is that we have been conditioned by TV and society that if you don't wanna scare a man away, then you have to be cool and then he'll like you. It's actually the exact. Opposite. This is one of the things that you have to unlearn if you don't wanna end up single. Now, here's why this identity is so damaging. It disconnects you from your truth, so it disconnects you from your emotions and your desires. Two things that healthy masculine men love about women is the fact that we can connect to our emotion. And the fact that we can connect to our desires. Our desires, give them direction. But if you're disconnected from your emotions, you cannot relate to a man on an emotional level, which is part of what makes him fall in love. And you cannot express your desires to a man. Therefore, he's gonna have no direction. It doesn't work with healthy men. The other reason why this is problematic is you attract dynamics where your depth is unseen and your soul is starved again. They will keep pushing these damn boundaries and you will keep twisting yourself into a pretzel, trying to be the cool girl and not getting your needs met, and then wondering why it's not working. And over time, you're going to become resent. Full. You're gonna get burned out and you're going to feel emotionally numb. Deep down inside, there's absolutely nothing empowering about this whatsoever. TV lied to you, society lied to you. The culture at large lied to you. What this really is is a fear of rejection, dressed up as confidence. It's not real. Now what's underneath it is, uh, probably a wounding around abandonment or being too much, or not being enough. It's a nervous system pattern. So for example, it's a fond response, meaning it's people pleasing as protection. If I please him and I'm the cool girl and I don't have. Boundaries and I don't cause problems, then he's gonna like me, basically. And if he likes me, then I'm protected from rejection. Well, it doesn't usually work out that way. And the other thing that it, it is underneath it, is a lack of feminine embodiment. Because what happens is you're not connected to your emotions and you're not connected to your desires, which is two things that you need in order to be embodied in your feminine energy. And when you're embodied in your feminine energy, you start attracting healthier men. You start attracting the kind of men you say you want. So here's how to actually start reclaiming your real self. You wanna learn to get back in your body because that's where your truth actually lives. That's where your desires live. And you wanna start with daily embodiment practices. Um, there's a few places where I talk about this, the Feminine Magnetism Mastery Program. We talk a lot about embodiment practices. So that's a really good place to start if you're completely new to this whole conversation. That's probably the best place to start. The next thing you wanna do is you wanna start practicing, naming, and honoring your needs and your desires. Even if your voice is shaking, I am telling you the way that male psychology works is if a woman is connected to her desires, he thinks it's hot. Masculine men, provider men, protector men, men who will cherish you and devote to you, they think it's hot. When a woman is connected to her desires, what's going on is most women out here are only connected from the neck up. But from the neck down, everything is dead and this is one of the behaviors that cause you to be dead from the neck down. Now you also wanna let go of being likable and instead commit to being honest. What kind of a world would we live in if people were just honest when they were dating from the beginning? What kind of a world would we live in if people were just honest? Period. One of the things that you learn when you get on a spiritual journey is that most people are not honest about most things. You also learn this when you are in sales jobs. If you're ever in sales, if you're a therapist, you learn that if you're a doctor or a lawyer, uh, you learn that. Um, if you start going on a spiritual journey and you start becoming more conscious, you start to realize that most people are unconscious. And most people are not telling the truth about most things in their life, not because they're bad people, they're just disconnected, is really what's going on. And most people are more concerned with being liked than they are with just telling the truth. Um, and this happens a lot. Perhaps more in some cultures than others. There are other cultures that are a lot more direct where this doesn't happen as much, but there are plenty of cultures in the world where everything is like whether or not someone else likes you. And the other thing, is that when you learn to express your emotions, it's not drama. Right, because you're right, men don't like drama. So if you're the cool girl, you have a a clear understanding that men do not like drama, and you are correct. Men do not like drama. Healthy men, however you expressing your emotions is not drama. There are healthy ways to express your emotions and desires as a feminine woman. And again, in feminine magnetism mastery, I go into that and the other place where I go more deeper into it, for those of you who are more concerned about. Commitment and getting married is the magnetic commitment program. I'll go a lot into having those types of conversations there. And then also in high value woman transformation, there's a whole module just on boundaries and how to express those as a feminine woman. So those are three places where you can learn about these, um, emotional expression, and you can learn the difference between drama versus expressing your emotions, and you can learn the difference between being demanding and expressing your desires. And you can learn to date. From a place of feminine energy, from a place of your actual values, from a place of becoming rare in a man's eyes, which I will be doing another video on how to become rare. In a man's eyes because that's actually one of the commitment triggers that will make him swoop you up real quick. So make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss that one if you haven't already. So here's the quick recap you don't need to perform to be worthy. You don't need to be the cool girl. The most magnetic thing that you can do is be attuned with your emotions. Know how to. Express them in a healthy way and learn how to express your desires in a healthy way. This is what makes men fall in love. This is how their psychology actually works. And once you understand that as a woman, you're gonna realize, oh my God, I've been lied to about men probably my entire life, which welcome the club. Right. Welcome. We're happy to have you here. So if you like this video, go ahead. Give it a thumbs up because it helps us get it in front of more women.'cause again, there's a lot of confusion out here. We had a whole lot of people raised by extreme feminism by a society that's been falling apart for a while by tv. Like this is how people were raised in a lot of countries and society right now. So. You can share this with a girlfriend or give it a thumbs up and it'll help us get it in front of more people. All our trainings, all our resources, free and paid are all in the description below. Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I will catch you on the next one.