The Rise of Emotionally Unavailable Women | Avoidant Attachment Style

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WHAT TO WATCH NEXT:

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Transcript

0:32

If you were to ask most women these days whether or not they believe that men like commitment, most of them would tell you no. But what if I told you that there's this new relationship trend of emotionally unavailable women? There's an article for media making its rounds around the internet, talking about how this is a dangerous rise and how more and more women are becoming emotionally unavailable, and if you have followed this channel for any amount of time, you know that I've oftentimes told the women who follow this channel, many women will say that they're ready for partnership. Many women say they want a provider. Many women say they want a husband, but when I start digging and asking questions, I start to find out, well. Actually, girl, you're not because you are emotionally unavailable. So what we're gonna be doing in this video today is we're gonna be going through this article that's making its rounds on medium right now because it is a perfect description of what an emotionally unavailable woman looks like. So to the women who watch this channel, I want you to take a look at this so you could see if you might be, be behaving in this. Way and to the men, um, just hold the space for the women. This is a co-ed channel. We're like literally split down the middle 50 50 between men and women. So just hold the space.'cause a lot of women just. A lot of women don't know this. The other thing that I want the women to understand from this article is that this is your competition in the world. And I've oftentimes said most women these days are quite basic. Um, and if you, you have to learn to become rare. So if you can. Work through your own stuff. Do the inner work, really understand masculine psychology. Really do your own work in healing your own feminine energy. You'll avoid becoming the type of women that this article talks about. Hi, my name is Amanda. Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life with all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to. Lately we've been talking a lot about relationship dynamics. Feminine energy, masculine energy. We've been doing, uh, more cultural deep dives, like what we're going to be doing today, and we've also been doing a lot of live streams where both men and women are learning from each other. So if that's something that you're interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video that we have coming out on this channel. Share it with a friend who may need to hear this. And as always, if I have any extra resources or trainings available. For those of you who want to go deeper into the content that we're going to be talking about today, you can find them all in the description. I will have a QR code here somewhere, and I will also make mention of them throughout the video itself. So let's, let's get into it. Let's see this article. Let's see what's going on with this dangerous rise of emotionally unavailable women.

Justin Keltner-3 3:24

All right, here we go. The dangerous rise of emotionally unavailable women. Let's get into it. They say men are the ones who run from intimacy. It's true. Most women are taught that men don't want intimacy. They're commitment phobic. They don't. They just wanna sleep around with everybody. Ladies, I need you to understand it's bs. Men love commitment. I've said it multiple times on this channel, and it is very well documented in a lot of research. So anyway, they say men are the ones who run from intimacy. Intimacy. But look around modern women are just as broken. Just as guarded. Just as unavailable. Only prettier. And while men are blamed for abandoning love, she's just healing, finding herself and protecting her peace. Yeah, the whole eat, pray, love thing, which I didn't like the movie and I didn't like the book either. Unpopular opinion. Let's tell the truth before we all burn in silence. She's not a soft girl. She's a heartened. Heartened, lip gloss. I see this a lot on the internet. I see it a lot on YouTube. A lot of chicks talking about a lot of women, I should say, talking about soft life this, soft life that, but really they're very hyper independent and they're very hard. Um, and IM warn women against watching that because I'm like, they might be talking about soft life and leveling up and living your best life, but a lot of these women are hard. The ones who are talking about that, not all of them. There are some that are excellent, but there are some that are very hard, hyper independent and hate men. Period. End of story. She calls it independence, but it's just unhealed trauma with good lashes. She claims she doesn't need a man. But scroll her TikTok at 2:00 AM and you'll find 400 reposts of where are the good men. True. Um, you'll also see some interesting dms from those 2:00 AM dms. Modern women aren't loving less because they're strong. They're loving less because they're scared. Yes. Hyper independence is a trauma response. She is scared of intimacy. I, how do I know this? Because I did it. I lived it when I was hyper independent. It's'cause I was terrified. Not because I was strong. They've mistaken numbness for wisdom, guardedness for power, and now they call detachment uh, maturity. Okay? So there is a spiritual concept of detachment, and I think this is where a lot of times these things get really screwed up in the world is they will. Spiritual concepts like detachment, and they will distort it to mean something that it doesn't mean. Um, when you're detaching, it's good to detach from outcomes. Doesn't mean you become cold, like detachment doesn't mean that you are cold or don't care or cut people off, or any of that. Detachment simply means that you are detached from the outcome and that you are enjoying. The process and you're enjoying the moment. That's every spiritual tradition talks about that. That's what it's supposed to be. It, it just gets distorted on the internet. Okay. She's addicted to options, not connection. She won't return your calls, but she'll flirt with her bestie. Her bestia dude, is that, is that what it's implying here? Um, she'll ghost you, but repost relationship quotes, like she's the one who got hurt. Her love life isn't broken because men failed her. It's broken because she never chose one. Uh, no. Plenty of men have failed women. I'm going to have to disagree with that one. Whether it was their fathers, their uncles, um, boy, you know, adolescents and things that happened there. No men have. Failed women. They have a lot. Um, their fathers failed their mothers. I mean, it's, it's a thing. Okay. So I don't totally agree with that. Um, it's broken because she never chose one. I believe there are some women who. Never choose a man. Maybe it's like the more promiscuous ones, but, but the ones who have come out the other side of it and start talking about why they went down that road. Like for example, kind of an extreme example, but I'll say it. A lot of the women who have gotten out of sex work, and I know women who've worked in sex work by the way, and have gotten out, they will eventually realize, oh, wait a minute. I had. Some sort of trauma with my father. And a lot of times the father was weak. The father was abusive, the father was dangerous. Uh, so yes, no men have failed. Women, they have, uh, modern women collect men like shoes. Uh, try one on, wear it out. Then blame the cobbler when their feet still hurt. Um. Modern women also dunno how to choose men, though. Um, casual sex has made her cold. I have said that casual sex is not good for men or women. Uh, for women. You start, uh, getting your brain flooded with oxytocin and you start making bad decisions, and then you get bonded and then you're upset when he doesn't want to commit with you. And then you're just like, um. Your brain's like not functioning correctly. Um, it's not that your brain isn't functioning correctly, it's doing what it's supposed to do. Uh, when you orgasm, it's just, um, it clouds your judgment. That's what I was saying, men, uh, you just become addicted to dopamine when you do it. So you just start looking for the next hit the next hit the next hit. The next hit, the next hit. That's what happens to men. She sells thirst traps. Now she sells thirst traps for dopamine. I don't know what that means. Can somebody explain that in the comment? Do you mean like thought posts? Thought photos? Is that the same thing? I'm not sure. Please someone explain it in the comment she tells herself, body count doesn't matter. It does, uh, but every hookup buried her innocence Deeper. Sex was supposed to be sacred. Now it's content. Yeah, I would have to agree with that. She laughs at virgins. She mocks wives. Uh, I have to say the women on this channel don't do that, and they don't mock wives. So to the men who are watching know that half the people who watch this channel are women and they don't act like this at all. Um, and they're waking up to a lot of this behavior and a lot of these things. So not all women are like this, but those women are rare, uh, and calls commitment control. Yes, she does. Do that, but every time she gives herself to a man who doesn't stay, she loses her piece of her ability to bond with the one who will. Um, yes, because if a woman's experience is all men leave, all men cheat. They all abandon me and a lot of times. S playing. I've seen it with women. I've been coaching for 15 years. A lot of times it's just playing out things that they saw as children. Um, and then they play it out in their lives until they realize what's going on and what the pattern is. Um, but basically if her experience has been like, all men abandon me, or All men are trash, then when a good one comes around, uh, her nervous system is gonna freak out because stability is not familiar. To her. So that's really what's going on there. Uh, therapy talk has become her shield. She doesn't talk anymore. She diagnosis, you're not hurt, you're narcissistic, you're not leading, you're controlling, you're not tired, you're emotionally unavailable. She hides behind trauma language like a fortress. So no man can get in. And the moment you try, she'll weaponize your efforts to prove she was, um. Right to shut down. So to the women who are married, right? To single women. I'm gonna tell you something. As a married woman, when you get married, one of the things that you have to learn how to do, and both men and women have to learn how to do this right, but, but the wives need to learn how to read their husbands right? So sometimes I'm like, my husband just needs to go to sleep. He's tired, right? Right. It does so mean he's a narciss. Maybe he's hungry. Maybe Let me make him a sandwich. Oh, God. Right? Let me make him a sandwich and then he'll be less cranky. Right? Like sometimes it's really just those, my mom actually taught me something that I've never forgotten. It's like, um, a hungry man, angry man. My mom taught me that, and I'm like, sometimes it really is that simple. Sometimes it really is. It's not that complicated. It's not that deep. And you know, men need to learn how to do that with their wives too, right? So it's not just one or the other. It actually goes both ways. But yeah, you have to learn how to read your partner because sometimes it is something simple like they're tired. I don't know why that section made me chuckle so much. Okay. Okay. She doesn't want a partner. She wants a fan club. A man can't correct her. He can only compliment her. I said this, that one of the ways in which men provide provision is by correct. You. And when men are correcting, they're usually trying to find a more efficient way of doing things, a safer way of doing things. They're trying to get to the result faster. Uh, something along those lines. The problem that we women have, and I will admit to this, is, um, we take it as criticism Now, men need to understand that women are hypersensitive to criticism. So the same way that women have to understand that men are hypersensitive to. Respect and the way, and we have to learn how to speak to a man in a way that is respectful to him.'cause men are sensitive about it. Men also need to realize that women are sensitive to criticism and they need to, um, learn how to communicate with a woman, uh, in because of that. Okay? Uh, she doesn't want leadership. She wants applause. Um, I want lead. I don't know why. That is the case.'cause I want leadership. Like by the time I met my husband, I was like, I've run businesses. I've had an almost seven figure business. I've had employees, like I'm tired of leading everybody. Somebody just go lead me. So I don't really, um, under somebody just go make decisions. Like, please. Um, and the moment you say, let's grow, she hears. You don't accept me. Okay. This is important. When my husband and I got together, one of our values, um. Is growth, so I believe it's in the high value woman transformation program to the ladies who are listening, where I talk about, actually it's in two places. It's in the Magnetic Commitment program and the high Value Woman transformation program. I go a lot into values. Uh, because you have to know what your those values are. When you are in the dating stage, especially if you wanna get married, you gotta know what these values are and you gotta be on the same page. So with my husband and I, for both of us, one of our core values is growth. So this is not an issue because it's about growth. At the end of the day, growth is the enemy of ego. Uh, and she'd rather be praised for who she is, than evolve, than evolve into who she could, uh, become. And that's the other thing, like men will see a lot of potential in women. And I think I learned this from a wom uh, Cody Sanchez, who talks a lot about business, but she's a woman and she's like, I never had an issue with men in the workplace because I knew it was one of three categories. They either wanna friend you, father you, or you, uh, if they wanna friend, and when they friend you and father you like, they all wanna help you. Like men just want to help you. That's. And men will see a lot of potential in women. Uh, but women will, modern women I should say, will take it as criticism because they don't understand what is going on and why men are doing that. Love feels unsafe to her because it demands vulnerability. Yep. And vulnerability is weakness. That's what a lot of women were taught. Yes. As she wasn't taught that love is work. Well, here's the thing, love is not work. Um. Let me rephrase that. Love is not hard. Love is not hard work. Uh, love is actually very simple. Human beings just like to overcomplicate the hell out of it. So when a woman hears love is work, she, she's thinking, no, man, I've already done the struggle, love thing. I'm not doing it again. That's what a woman is thinking in her mind. So I think men just maybe need to be a little bit mindful of that. Um, when they say that. Now, um, does it mean that there's no effort in love? No. Right? Like, again, each person has to grow. You go through seasons of life, things change. You're ing together, you're managing households together, you're managing families together. Maybe you've got businesses together depending on what. Stage you're in. Uh, but this idea that love is complicated and that love is work. I mean, my experience has been that love is actually quite simple once a woman understands feminine energy and what it truly is. And once a man understands masculine energy and what it truly is and they do a union from that place, love is actually quite simple. Um, she was taught that love is supposed to feel like euphoria 24 7. Yeah. Chemicals, feelings. All that stuff. So the moment it gets hard, she runs, uh, she says, I'm protecting my peace, but she's really protecting her patterns. No one gets close because if someone does, they might see this scared little girl behind the filters. Yeah, a lot of these, A lot. Yeah. Most women are scared. A lot of women are scared. Um, some of it is with very good reason, and men need to understand that. Many of the women in the comment section here and in the chat have shared experiences where, for example, their fathers were dangerous men, and that was their first, um, experience of a man. Women have been through things, men have failed, women they have, so it's not. Unusual for women to be scared little girls. That being said, uh, when a woman matures, she starts, she has to heal the little girl inside. Same thing with a man. When he matures, he needs to heal the little boy inside. Okay. You can't heal a woman who's proud of her wounds. She's not trying to heal, she's trying to be right. Yes, there's a lot of women out here who would rather be right than happy. Uh, she's looking for, she's not looking for love. She's collecting flowers. She's not building a future. She's recycling chaos. So this would be the woman. If you saw my training on archetypes, I would say that this woman is probably a wounded maiden woman. So a lot of men will make the mistake and be like, this woman is in her wounded masculine energy. No, no, no, no. This woman is in her wounded feminine. Energy, if she's chaotic, she's wounded, she's, uh, wounded feminine energy and she's taken on some like masculine traits. Basically, when a woman is too much in her masculine energy, she actually has structure in her life. Um, she just may have gone. Overboard with the masculine energy and it's controlling. But she does have structure and she does have discipline, and she is doing things to take care of herself. If a woman is chaotic, that's what I call wounded maiden and, uh, wounded feminine, there's a difference. And if you try to love her deeply, she'll leave you before you see too much, because healing means admitting the damage and that would ruin the brand. Final word, emotionally unavailable. Women are the new dangerous men. You used to fear men who would break hearts. Now it's women who don't have one. Ooh, cold, right? She smiles. She posts, she dances. But inside, she's cold, closed, checked out. Uh, and women need to understand that, right? Like when you start getting more into feminine energy, you start becoming warm. You are open, you are in tune with your emotions. You know what's going on, right? She's the reason so many good men are walking away, not because they're weak, but because they're tired of trying to love stone. And here's the irony of the same woman who mocks commitment will one day cry at 40 wishing she gave herself fully when someone finally asked. But by then the warmth she rejected will be lying in the arms of a woman who still knew how to feel. Okay. This is the most important thing here, actually probably outta this whole thing. The warmth she rejected will be lying in the arms of a woman who still knew how to feel the feminine is feeling. The man, the masculine is logic. A lot of the women, most women out in the world these days are operating from a place of logic. So you could have all these women, well, I don't think these women are being very logical. I think they're actually being hyper emotional and don't have a good relationship with their feelings and don't do any work on their feelings at all. They're actually, so again, it's a little bit more nuanced than that. He did say something really important that a healthy feminine woman is in touch with her feelings. She makes a man feel things, okay? She gets him in touch, uh, with his emotions because he cannot do it without her. And that is what makes men fall in love.

21:25

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the rise of the emotionally unavailable woman. I hope this was really insightful for you guys. Again, for the women watching this, I need you to understand what a lot of the men out here are dealing with. Um, and it, so some of you, it might sound a little bit shocking. I know for me, when I first started learning, I remember I was around high performing men for six or seven years. Because of my last business, I had a lot of male mentors and I would ask them about their dating situations and they would tell me stuff like this, and I'm like, you've gotta be kidding me, right? Like, is this actually happening out here? I almost didn't believe it. So there might be some women out here. We don't believe it, right? But this is actually what's happening and it is what a lot of men, um, are dealing with these days. And the other thing I want you to realize is maybe look at in some of the areas where you might be acting emotionally unavailable, because I have this conversation with women all the time that their mouth says one thing, but their nervous system is saying something else. Entirely something else entirely. And you could see that through her behaviors and how she responds to the things going on around her, how she responds to men or the beliefs or ideas that she truly holds about men, which a lot of women do not hold men in very high esteem right now for a lot of reasons. And to the men watching this, I want you to know that the women who watch this channel,'cause we're almost split down the middle 50 50 on this channel, which is. Shocking. I was not expecting that. Um, basically a lot of these women, at least the ones that I've spoken to, are not like the women in the article. Now do they still have hyper independence? Yes. Have they gone a little bit overboard in the masculine energy? Yes. But the women who watch this channel basically are just confused because they've gotten a lot of confusing messaging, uh, throughout the years about being a woman and what she can do and, uh, roles of men and women and all those kinds of things. They're not all. Running based on trauma. Um, and I don't know if that was a Red pill author, I think it was. I went to go looking and I saw his other things. I'm like, oh, this sounds like Red Pill narrative. And I tell the men this, be careful with the red pill content because there is a point where the red pill content is useful, but then it gets distorted. And I've had a lot of men agree with me on this, that eventually what happens with the red pill content is a lot of the stuff that men are told about the red pill and how to date women. All it does is attract emotionally insecure, uh, women, or it attracts women. Like what you read in this article, it doesn't actually help you attract healthy women. Same thing goes for the women when it comes to the level up content and the, and the, uh, a lot of the femininity content also on the internet does also have a tendency of keeping you single, because deep down inside, a lot of these women hate. Men, and because I can read energy and I'm very sensitive, I can kind of see it where I'm like, okay, her mouth is saying this thing, but her energy is saying this thing. Right? A lot of these women who are about leveling up hate men. They hate men. Uh, so a lot of the women have to be careful, um, with that as well. And that's why on this channel we're trying to kind of make sense of it all because the reality is it's not one extreme or the other. That's, that's not what. Emotionally intelligent people do. That's not what, um, you know, intelligent people do at all. They know that the truth is kind of somewhere in the middle. And what's happening in the age of social media is everybody just talks about the extremes. So I hope you guys found this helpful, if you like it that I do more of these kind of, um. Thoughts, you know, and opinions on some of the articles and things coming out about relationships and sharing my opinion. Then please give it a thumbs up. Share it with someone who you think may need it, and I'll catch you guys on the next one.