Be Magnetic, Not Manipulative | The Feminine Energy Secret That Changes Everything

Were you ever accused of manipulating men to get what you want? In this video, I clarify the crucial difference between manipulation and healthy influence, especially within the context of feminine energy and relationships. Learn what true manipulation looks like so you can avoid it and instead cultivate authentic connections.

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WHAT TO WATCH NEXT:

Why Women Need Provider Men

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4HtxELsQlg&list=PL2RZXKe4KrQI0pQN4CQhyfgFhMQj0gaC0&index=2

How I Manifested My Husband By Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsyS86ZefQg&list=PL2RZXKe4KrQI0pQN4CQhyfgFhMQj0gaC0&index=4

What Masculine Energy Looks Like In a Woman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ern54mBnm2w&list=PL2RZXKe4KrQI0pQN4CQhyfgFhMQj0gaC0&index=8


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#lawofassumption #divinemasculineenergy #howimanifestedmyhusband #divinefeminineenergy #lawofassumptionsuccessstories #lawofassumptiontips #manifestationsuccessstories #polarityinrelationships


Disclaimer: Moneta Solutions and its agents are not a mental/medical health practitioner or mental/medical health provider and is not holding itself out to be in any capacity. Moneta Solutions and its agents are not providing counseling or therapy services or attempting to diagnose, treat or cure in any manner whatsoever any physical or mental ailment. Moneta Solutions and its agents provide coaching/mentoring to help you reach your own goals through personal accountability.  Please Note: Moneta Solutions and Amanda Abella are not financial professionals. Please consult professionals.

Transcript

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I was recently accused of teaching women how to manipulate men in order to get men to provide for them. Now, if you watch most of my videos, you know that I have said, "Hey, healthy men are never going to fall for manipulation," so that's not what we're doing here. However, I know that to the untrained eye, that what I teach could look like manipulation, and the reason why is because I used to think the same thing. 10 years ago, when I first came into polarity teachings, and a few years ago, when I was coming into nervous system regulation and actually taking care of our own internal world as it related to dating and relationships, it looked like manipulation to me, too. So I completely understand that perspective. And in this video, I'm gonna be teaching you, uh, what to do with men rather than manipulating them. I'm gonna show you what manipulation actually is so you don't do it, and I'm gonna teach you what to do instead. Hi, my name is Amanda. Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to. On this channel, I teach women to stop chasing what they want and become magnetic to what they want instead. If that's something that you are interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video that we have coming out on this channel. And if you are new here or returning and you haven't done this yet, then I highly recommend taking our Divine Feminine Archetypes quiz because oftentimes in my videos, and you'll hear it in today's video, I will mention the archetypes that I teach. So I teach the Wounded Maiden, the Awakening Warrior, the Conscious Queen, and the Magnetic Empress. So you'll hear me saying those words a lot. And if you take our quiz, which is only about three minutes, it will let you know which of the archetypes is most dominant in your life and how it's showing up for you. And then you can go deeper and learn how it shows up for you in relationships, how it shows up with you when it comes to money, how you view yourself, how you view the world, et cetera. We've had over 200 women take this so far, and it's helped them get a ton of clarity on themselves and the patterns that they've got playing out in their lives when it comes to relationships. So make sure to take that free quiz if you haven't done so already. There will be a QR code here. It will be in the description. It will be in the first comment. So let's get into it. Let's talk about, um, manipulation and why what I teach is not manipulation, and instead of manipulation, we're looking for regulation of yourself. So one of the things that's really interesting is a lot of people do not know the difference between manipulation and a regulated person. Now, I kind of picked up on this in my last business because I taught sales for a long time. So I taught business. I taught women how to put offers together. I taught them how to market. And I was known specifically for teaching sales, because a lot of people would teach online business just in terms of like, "Use social media and make money," but I was actually teaching people how to have conversations, how to negotiate, and that was one of the differentiating factors between me and every other female business coach out here, is I was actually teaching like a solid skill, uh, that you need to understand. You need to understand other humans. You need to understand how to talk to humans. Oh my gosh, what a concept, right? So what I realized is, for example, when it comes to money and sales in particular, or marketing, this happens a lot, right? Where a lot of people will confuse good marketing and good sales for manipulation. Now, here's the crazy part. Good marketing and good sales is a person who is direct. Good marketing and good sales is a person who is okay with themselves and detached from the outcome and just doing their damn job. That's all they're doing. But what's so interesting is that a lot of people will say that that's manipulation because a lot of... Well, number one, a lot of people don't know the difference between manipulation and influence, which is something that happens a lot, um, in business. But the other reason why that happens is because most people themselves are very manipulative. Now hear me out. I used to teach this to my women who, when I, when they wanted to learn sales, and they're like, "What are you talking about?" And I would be like, "Listen, most people are very manipulative." So when they see someone who is direct, they project onto that person that they are being manipulative. And the thing is, that oftentimes we will see people who are direct in their communication or who own who they are in their communication or, or just in themselves or the requests that they're making, so on and so forth, and they will project onto that person that they're being manipulative. Now, the reason why is because the person doing the projecting, the person accusing the other person of being manipulative, is usually the first one to manipulate you. But the difference is that in that person, instead of being direct in their asks, the way that they manipulate is by being a people pleaser. The way that they manipulate is by holding the ball or hiding the ball, I should say, as they call it. The way that they manipulate is by being nice to your face, but then doing something else. The way that they manipulate is by trying to seem like a really good person. That's how most people manipulate. The way that they manipulate is not giving you a straight answer. So you could ask them a yes or a no question, and they're not gonna be like, "I don't know. I need to think about it. I need to do this. I need to research. I need to do more. I need to understand more." Because most people are not taught to be direct. Most people, since they're very, very young, um, actually learn to manipulate their way out of situations, and usually it's for a good reason, right? I'm not... And most people are not even consciously aware that they're doing this. So what happens a lot of the time is you start becoming a more regulated person. You start becoming a person who is more direct in their communication. You start just owning yourself more and being more okay with you, and other people are gonna think you're manipulating them. The irony being that the person accusing you will be the first one to manipulate you. Again, most times they don't know that they are doing this, but I saw that happening in business all the time. So I wanted to, um, put that in there as an example. So let's go into what manipulation actually is, especially when it comes to relationships. So manipulation tries to control his choices. So if you're using guilt, if you are using affection, if you're using silence, if you're using sex, if you're using intimacy, and you're using those things as leverage to control his behavior, then yes, you are being, uh, manipulative. And by the way, when I say sex, I don't mean restricting someone's access that you're dating when they, when they treat you poorly, right? Like, I don't mean, like, not sleeping with someone on the first date. I don't mean cutting off access when someone shows up they're not a good person when, when, um, you're dating. I mean, like, you're married to your spouse and you got in an argument, and now you're withholding sex. That's what I mean, right? It's more like that manipulation and control of behavior. Taking care of yourself and, and taking care of who has access to you when you're out here dating, that is not manipulation. So another way in which women will manipulate men is by comparing him to other men. "Oh, so and so makes more money," or what, or, "You know, my ex-boyfriend did this," or the, "That man that I was with paid for all my bills." That's manipulation. Okay? That is manipulation because you are, using past experiences as leverage You know what else is manipulative? When women out here say, "Well, you know a real man would provide," that is manipulative. And I don't mean like that in the sense of like we're in a teaching moment and like, "Hey, healthy masculine men, they're providers. They provide, and here are all the ways in which they provide." I mean more like you're in a conversation with a man, he doesn't wanna provide for you, and then you say, "Well, a real man would provide." That is manipulation. Um, becoming cold when he doesn't do what is expected. And again, like you can have boundaries, but it doesn't mean you're cold. You can have boundaries and be kind. And I cover this in a ton of my training programs. You can find them below, particularly the ones having to do with feminine communication, um, are really good places to start. So, um, Feminine Magnetism Mastery talks about this. High-Value Woman Transformation talks about this. Magnetic Commitment Program talks about this. And of course, um, Magnetic Woman Transformation talks about this. So you can find the information for all of those below because I've done lots and lots of trainings on how to communicate boundaries in a way where you are, um, kind. Performing feminine energy is also a form of manipulation. So performing it looks like, um, knowing exactly what to say, how to dress, um, what to say to twist a knife, in other words, or push a button, um, in order for you to extract resources from another person. When a woman is performing femininity, and I've told you a million times you have to be careful who you follow on the internet because a lot of these women are wounded maidens and awakening warriors trying to extract a man for everything that he's got, and then they will use femininity or things that look and seem like femininity, but in reality it's just a costume. So when femininity is a costume and a performance, then yes, you are manipulating. And a lot of women, you know, wear it as a costume. They just do. They haven't embodied it. Once we get into embodying feminine energy, regulating your nervous system, and this is your new identity, then you're n- you don't even have to manipulate anyone, right? It's just not even necessary to have to manipulate. And on top of that, manipulation is a lotta hard work. It's very exhausting. It's just too much work to manipulate people, so you're better off just learning how to heal yourself, and then you don't have to manipulate people. And then not only do you not have to manipulate people, you can better spot when people are trying to manipulate you. That's the other benefit of healing yourself. So The alternative is this, right? The alternative is when a woman starts to tell the truth about what it is that she actually desires. Oh my gosh, what a concept, right? Um, the, the alternative is observing how a man naturally responds and then making a decision accordingly, rather than trying to manipulate and twist a situation to get a result that you want from this particular man. An alternative is to let a man reveal who he is over time. An alternative is to decide whether or not a man's values align with yours. That's the alternative to actually manipulating someone. And like I said, manipulation is just exhausting. It's exhausting. And ask any woman who has been with a man. We ha- recently had a comment come in. I did a video on, uh, Shakira and Piqué, which performed pretty well on this channel. Some of you found this channel because of that video. Hi, hello. Um, welcome back. And someone commented, and they said, "I did this." Right? "I, I played small for an insecure man. I would even hide purchases that I would buy with my own money to not trigger him." That's actually manipulation, right? Now, it's not manipulation in terms of hurting somebody necessarily. In this case, it was manipulation to not trigger somebody. Um, but maybe, and I don't know this person, but I'm just guessing based on when I've, when, how I've heard this play out before, they r- probably really wanted to keep the relationship. They probably cared about this person, so then they would manipulate, uh, the situation to not upset this person so that they would stay in a relationship. And I said, "Oh my gosh, that must have been exhausting." And she was like, "It was, and I'm never going to make that mistake again." So manipulation, whether you're doing it to hurt somebody and extract resources, or you're doing it to stay in a relationship, like it's just exhausting. It's just exhausting. It's not even worth, um, the time and effort and all the brain power it takes to manipulate someone. It, it's just ugh. Ugh. That's what it is. It's ugh. So- Another alternative is you wanna learn how to regulate yourself, right? You wanna learn how to regulate your internal world. And that's a big part of a woman embodying feminine energy so that she doesn't have to perform feminine energy. So a woman can consciously choose that she wants a provider. Why not, right? But if underneath that desire she has limiting beliefs, then that's where we start running into problems. So these beliefs could be, "If I depend on a man, he will control me," very common. I had that one for a long time. "If he pays, I owe him something. Um, men always use money against women." I was afraid of that for a long time too. "I have to do everything myself." Hello, battle cry of the awakening warriors. Uh, "Receiving makes me weak," um, or, "No one gives without wanting something back," right? So if you're like, "I want a provider," but what's running the show internally is those beliefs, you're not gonna get what you want, and then you might find yourself in a situation where you feel like you have to manipulate and control and twist yourself into a pretzel and be a people pleaser in order to get what you want, which is actually when you go into manipulation, where if you just own your desire and you're okay with your desire and you've regulated yourself, again, you're just being direct with people and there's no need to manipulate them. What you see is what you get And how this shows up, right, in terms of women shutting down the provision because internally they're incongruent is, for example, if he offers help, you immediately reject it. If he pays, then you become suspicious or, like, you whip out your wallet on a date to pay half. Um, if you- if he gives you something, you immediately wanna rush to repay him. Um, if you say that you desire support, but then you leave no room for someone to support you. Hi. Hello, me when I was an awakening warrior. Um, if you want generosity, but then your body treats generosity like danger. These are all blocks to provision. So, and, and these blocks are what cause women to manipulate. It just... It's manipulation in ways that, again, to an untrained eye, um, may seem like just normal, basic human behavior. But what do I say all the time? Most people are wounded maidens and awakening warriors. Most people are not that conscious, so they're manipulating you all the time for different things. So the reframe here is that these beliefs may have protected you before, and they had a reason, but they're no longer necessary. They no longer have to run your life. And when you clear that and you work through that, which in our temple offering where I do group coaching, we do somatic practices to clear a lot of these things. Well, now you're clean, right? Now you're clean in your ask. Now you're, you're making an ask where you have a preference or you have a request, but you're being honest and upfront with someone. I don't know what's manipulating about that. Um, and you're clean in your energy when you are making the ask 'cause most people are out here... Most people pick up on energy and your body language more than they pick up on what you say Now here's another thing that's really important to note. So unregulated fear can sound like manipulation. So sometimes, as with the example that I gave, um, a couple minutes ago, sometimes a woman is not consciously trying to manipulate anyone. Sometimes she's activated, and then she ends up manipulating. So she's afraid of being abandoned, unsupported, or left carrying everything alone. So then instead of naming the fear and working through those internal fears, she'll pressure him, she'll manipulate him, um, she'll, you know, in the case of the example that I gave, maybe hide herself to make the other one feel better. That, that is a form of manipulation And it may sound like, you know, "If you loved me, you would do this. Other women do not have to ask. You're making me feel masculine. A provider would already know," as if he's a mind reader. Uh, "You clearly do not value me," or again, changing your behavior in order to maintain the relationship or trying to take control. Control is another one. So when you have a controlling woman, oh, that is a manipulative woman. So that, that's an example of that. And what might be underneath this is actually, "I'm afraid I will have to do everything alone. I'm afraid to choose another man who cannot meet me. I'm afraid of being abandoned like I've been abandoned before. I'm afraid I'm not valuable unless I do X, Y, and Z. I do not trust myself to leave this relationship that is not aligned." These are all the internal stories that could be running that then would cause a woman to start manipulate. So sometimes we'll try to control someone else because we do not trust ourselves. Sometimes we do not trust ourselves to speak clearly. Sometimes we don't trust ourselves to choose well. Sometimes we don't trust ourselves to walk away. And some... So what we default to is to manage someone else's behavior, which is therefore manipulation. So the key here, right, is you wanna learn to regulate first, and then once you're regulated, then you communicate. Then your communication is clean. Then your communication is clear. Now, their response to it is their response to it. And, and again, to an untrained person, they might accuse you of being manipulative, but the reality is that they've probably manipulating you the whole freaking time. Again, a lot of people not knowing that they're doing that, but that's probably what they've been doing, so then of course they just... Or they mirror back a fear to you, because a lot of women also have a fear where they're like, "Well, if I ask a man to provide, he's gonna call me a gold digger or that I'm trying to manipulate him." So if you have that fear, guess what? He's gonna mirror right back to you. That is some of the things that happen as well. So before speaking, before making a request, before, uh, being in a conflict of some kind, before opening your mouth in other words, you wanna ask yourself certain things. What am I actually feeling? What am I actually feeling? What story is creating this behavior? What story is creating this reaction in me? Another lesson of A Course in Miracles, I'm a, I'm a student and a teacher of A Course in Miracles, one of my favorite lessons, Justin got this one, um, this morning, is, "I am not upset for the reason I think." And another lesson is, "I'm upset because I see something that's not there." Right? So you're probably upset for something that has nothing to do with what's going on in that moment. Something's been activated, and it's your job to figure out what that is. You also wanna ask, you know, am I asking for support from a man, or am I demanding proof that he values me or that he likes me? The two are not the same. Is this about what is happening now or what happened before? Like I said. Am I sharing a desire or am I try, or am I trying to control an outcome? Again, the two are not the same. So you have to be clear on what it is that you're trying to do, and that requires us to slow down and do some self-inquiry and see what's actually going on inside of us. And again, when you learn to do this, right, then you can learn to work through your stuff, and when you learn to work through your stuff, now you can get to a place where you can communicate with someone honestly. Communicating honestly, not manipulating them. So honest communication can sound like, "Generosity is important to me in a relationship. I feel supported when a man takes initiative." That's what I told my husband, right? "This is the kind of partnership I desire That's also what I told my husband. I appreciate when you contribute in this way. I say that all the time, right? If you want a little life hack, for those of you who are already married, just say thank you and appreciate your husband, even if it's for, like, tiny little things because again, these men wanna be your hero, and then they're gonna wanna keep doing things for you but also because you genuinely appreciate it. I genuinely appreciate it when my husband takes out the trash. I know it seems like a little basic thing, but I do genuinely appreciate it, and a lot of women just, um, they, they take men for granted, I'm just gonna be honest. Like, a lot of women do take their husbands, uh, for granted, and then they wonder why there's a little bit of wonkiness, and a simple, like, "Thank you, I really appreciate that. That made me feel really good," or X, Y, and Z can solve a whole lot of problems in, uh, long-term relationships. So why is this different? Why is this different than manipulation? You are not shaming him. You're not threatening him. You're not using emotions against him. You're not using sex against him. Um, you're not using femininity against him. You're simply just telling the truth, and then both people get to choose what the next step is. So the key here is to regulate first and then communicate and then observe, And, and here's the thing. You have to be detached, right? So people who are trying to manipulate, they're very much attached to an outcome. They're trying to make something happen, and then it just... It's either exhausting or it doesn't happen. Whereas a person who is not manipulating, they're just kinda like, "Let the dominoes fall where they may," right? "And I'm gonna be good either way." And then they're more likely to get what they want or at least not be exhausted all the time. Now, one thing that's really important to note here, and this has to do with the character of a man, and this has to do with who you choose as a partner is choose a generous man instead of trying to create a generous man. A man is either generous or he is not, so don't try and take a- Don't try and create one. He either is or he isn't from the beginning, and that has nothing to do with money, by the way, right? He could have, like, very little money and still be generous with what he has. This is a character thing. So you wanna observe certain things. So, you know, does he follow through? Does he enjoy contributing or does he resent contributing? Is he generous only when he wants something? This is all manipulative on the part of men, by the way. Does he use money as control? Does he take responsibility? Do his values match the relationship that you desire? Now here's what this looks like. Here's the connection with all those archetypes that I teach, which again, if you have not taken our Divine Feminine Archetypes quiz, make sure to do that, mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz, and we'll have the QR code here as well. So here's what this looks like through the different archetypes that I teach. The awakening warrior who's in survival mode, she may try to create safety in her life through control and also con- controlling other people, which is manipulative. So her practice is regulating the fear that is beneath her reaction. Now a conscious queen, she clearly communicates her standards, okay? And she lets incompatibility with another person be information. And I don't know, this might sound like a shocker, but like you and your man don't have to agree on everything. I know that's like crazy. I'm saying like generally speaking, um, through life. Obviously on the big things, yes, make sure you're on the same page, but you don't have to like agree on every single little thing. You're two different humans. Now the magnetic empress, uh, she does not pressure or extract. She just receives, observes, and chooses, and that's it. And then the wounded maiden- her usual form of manipulation is she doesn't feel safe unless she's being picked and chosen, so she usually defaults to people pleasing. Which is also extremely manipulative, um, and it's one of the things that people are taught to do from a very young age. So, lo and behold, I do not teach women how to manipulate men for money. I teach women how to examine the beliefs that make receiving from a man feel dangerous or vulnerable. I teach women to regulate the fear that causes them to test pressure, control, and manipulate a man. I teach women to communicate honestly with themselves and also with others, and I teach women to choose men whose values already align with hers. That's it. That's all we do here. Very simple, but easier said than done. So here's the final reframe for you. Healing your hidden blocks does not guarantee that a man will provide for you. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, okay? But it helps you stop rejecting healthy support. It helps you recognize real generosity. It helps you tell the difference between provision and a man honoring you versus control. And it helps you leave a relationship when it is no longer aligned. That's what it helps you do. And if the relationship that you're in is not aligned, it'll help you find the next one. That's the whole point, right? Because if we stay in relationships that are not aligned for us, then that's when we are actually liable to manipulate and control in order to stay in the relationship. And if you wanna know how your patterns are playing out right now, then again, I invite you to take our Divine Feminine Archetypes quiz. It's three minutes. It'll let you know which of the archetypes is most dominant for you and how it's showing up. So darling, you do not need to manipulate a man into becoming a generous person. You regulate yourself. You handle yourself and your internal state. You tell the truth. You communicate honestly and cleanly, and you choose a man who already knows how to give. If you liked this video, give it a thumbs up, share it with a girlfriend, and make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss another video that we have coming out on this channel, and I will catch you on the next one.