Recovery Deep Dish

9: The Grief Nobody Warns You About in Recovery (And You've Probably Experienced It)

• Season 1 • Episode 9

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Here's something I don't share often: even years into my own recovery and after helping hundreds of clients heal, I still grapple with decisions and experiences that are central to my recovery. Right now it’s whether or not to have kids. At other times it was feeling terrified of intimacy, jealousy about people reaching milestones I wasn’t ready for, or loneliness over friendships I had to lose to pursue healthy relationships and recovery. 

This is what we call ambiguous loss—the grief that comes without clear closure, the mourning of things that aren't traditionally recognized as losses. And if you're in eating disorder or trauma recovery, chances are you're experiencing this too, even if you don't have words for it yet.

In today's episode, I'm opening up about the hidden grief that lives alongside recovery that we need to talk about in order to heal. I'll name the thoughts, feelings and reactions that come up and how to deal with them. Content note: This episode discusses eating disorders, trauma, and grief. Please listen with care and reach out for support if you need it.


Key Points

  • [00:03:07] Setting the stage - the ambiguous loss I’m experiencing
  • [00:07:40] What is ambiguous loss? 
  • [00:12:30] Emotions, thoughts, or behaviors that come up with ambiguous loss and how this connects to complex trauma and eating disorders
  • [00:017:15] [00:24:55] Types of losses you might experience and their impacts on identity, relationships, and recovery
  • [00:22:02] Complex trauma reactions that arise from ambiguous losses 
  • [00:23:21] [00:27:02] Relationship losses that come up in recovery
  • [00:29:26] Strategies for dealing with loss


Resources Mentioned:

Psychology Today

Therapy Den


Episode Links: