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Two sisters with Trials, Tribulations and a bit of Rediculousness! We’ve survived and succeeded with so much going against us. Living with multiple family suicide and more loss than living. Our mission is to talk about the hard stuff! Say the words no one wants to say! Let you know your feelings are valid and real!
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God's Plan Saved Me On My Darkest Night
The moment when everything you've built your life around suddenly disappears can feel like standing at the edge of an abyss. For Isaiah Gilmore, that moment came when three knee surgeries ended his basketball career and a long-term relationship simultaneously crumbled. Basketball wasn't just something he did—it was who he was.
In this raw, powerful conversation, Isaiah takes us to that dark night in his car when suicide seemed like the only escape. What makes his testimony so valuable is the window it provides into the suicidal mindset: "It felt like that day was the only day. I was literally living in that moment. There were no thoughts about the past, present, or future." This crucial insight helps loved ones understand why someone contemplating suicide might not be thinking about the people they'd leave behind—they're trapped in a singular moment of pain.
But Isaiah's story doesn't end there. He shares the spiritual encounter that changed everything on July 24th, 2023, when he believes God stood before him with the message that a greater purpose awaited him. His journey from basketball dreams to finding new meaning as an educator and mentor demonstrates the remarkable human capacity for transformation. Now pursuing a teaching career and developing a clothing brand, Isaiah uses his experience to connect with others facing their own identity crises.
Whether you're struggling with your own mental health challenges or trying to support someone who is, Isaiah's testimony offers practical wisdom: don't isolate yourself, shift your focus toward something greater than yourself, and remember that identity can be rebuilt. Check on your friends—even the seemingly happy ones—because you never know who might be fighting a silent battle. Have you reached out to someone today just to see how they're really doing?
Hey guys, this is Heather and we have Isaiah Gilmore and he is with us today.
:if you want to tell us a little bit about yourself and share your story, yeah, so I am Isaiah Gilmore and I grew up in a little bitty town named Otterville with two loving parents that instilled great things in me all the way growing up, all the way growing up, and I loved basketball, still love basketball, still love watching basketball, still love talking basketball.
:I just can't do it at the same level as I wished to anymore because of my three knee surgeries. So my story is beginning with sadness and then it ends with the greatness of God. So I went to a Christian college for basketball and I ended up hurting my knee and I had to sit out two years, which ultimately led to me not playing basketball anymore, and during that time I one couldn't play basketball, which took out many hours of my day and that was making me sad. And then I had a long time relationship end at that time too, and so it all kind of felt like the world was coming down on me at once and the only way out, it felt like, was to end my own life, although, um, all glory to God, the night that I planned to make that happen, um, he stood in front of me and said that he had a plan for me, and so I accepted him into my life in my own car, sobbing the night of July 24th 2023.
:Oh, wow, okay. So did you think past that night, once you were in your mind frame that you wanted to end your life? Or was it just like a brick wall and you didn't think past that night once you were in your mind frame that you wanted to end your life? Or was it just like a brick wall and you didn't think past tomorrow?
:it felt like it was like you mean at that time, yeah, it felt like it was like that day was the only day I was like literally living in that moment, like there was no thoughts, you know the past, or the present, or even the future, like it was all just one moment at that time, right there, that was the only spot that I could even think of.
:Yeah, it's hard to fathom that you don't think about like your mom, like what's my mom going to do without me or my brother? Um? So when you decided that you can do it, what was your next step?
:Um, honestly, um honestly, um sitting in the car and just I mean it was, it was like I want to call it a prayer, but it was like a talk with god.
:You know, at life point, church where we go to church, at um, the two girls that get up to speak always do something really unique. And that is when, usually when you're praying, you say dear God or dear Lord, but when those girls get up there, it's always like you're just talking to God and they've said it before, that's what a prayer is. It's not. You know, he wants to have a relationship with you, and so they got up there and you know they're always like, hey, god, or how are you doing today, god? And then they'll continue with their prayer.
:And that's kind of what it was for that hour where I sat in my car is. It was just like a real talk with the Lord and I got to have everything. You know, I put everything out on the table for him, and not only for him, but myself too. I felt like I had to have that talk with him and someone to get it out of my own mind and chest. And so then I went home and kind of fought sleep for an hour and then ended up going to bed.
:Okay. Did you ever have feelings like that in the past? Or was it just your first time.
:It was, it's. It's crazy. Like, growing up I always thought like man who would want to do that to themselves, you know, like it doesn't make any sense. My parents did such a great job at making my life all the way up until that point feel like no one could break any kind of shell I had on the outside of me. You know, they made everything, every moment, every, you know I mean just everything. Great, you know. And so, uh, I never, I mean it never even crossed my mind. I always thought like man who would want to do that to themselves, like life is awesome. So.
:Okay, well, that's interesting. I've never really thought about it, not like basically, just uh, not thinking past Cause. In my instance, I'm like how could my dad not want to see his grandkids, not see his kids? But, um, I've heard it described as almost like a brain attack and it's just they don't think of anything in the outside world. So yes, that's very interesting so had you always been religious or is it something newer in your life or?
:actually growing up, we uh, I remember the uh early morning church services in otterville where, uh, my parents would drag us out of bed and me and my brother would be like, oh, we don't want to, you know you don't want to dress nice?
:yes, yes, oh, it was the same sweater, that it was a brown sweater with with white and blue diamonds on it. And, um, and my dad would get his hands warm and this hot water and then get the grease and wipe it on our head and I thought, oh, I can't stand doing this, you know. But, um, and then when my parents split, honestly that's when I stopped putting my focus on any kind of church or anything. And then, when my mom got back into it, I started to go with her after my moment with him, in that time where I really felt like my whole life, my whole, everything after this is going to go towards the Lord. So no, I wasn't religious, you know, all the way growing up, and but now I am in a comfortable spot where I'm happy about yeah, and Didi with your history.
:Did you notice any changes or and Didi, with your history, did you notice any changes? Or, uh, to be honest, no, I mean I knew he was probably down and I felt, you know, we felt really bad about the prognosis with the knee and, honestly, with the relationship ending, I kind of thought that's what he wanted. So I mean, I knew he'd be sad, but I didn't think it was probably going to be that big of a deal for him and I feel like probably to a fault. I'd try to make him talk about it, but he just acted like you know. Yeah, I got this under control.
:Yeah, it's sad, but I'll get through it.
:I'm like okay, fine, you know. So yeah, I mean, I was like overly shocked whenever he came and actually confided in us that he had had those feelings.
:So afterwards did you like run your mind through everything?
:Absolutely yeah like how did I miss that? You know it's technically my job to assess people and know if they're okay. And yeah, I mean I knew he was upset but I thought, well, he'll get through it, you just need some time and have to work through things. But yeah, I had no idea it was that in-depth for sure?
:So do you think your friends or family treat you differently Because you're open about it?
:I don't think that they do. I think that they all saw a change in me whenever I accepted god into my life and um so um. But I, I don't. I don't think they would they treat me any differently or avoid talking about certain things or anything.
:No, we might go harder instead actually yeah yeah, just like blatantly honest, like okay, I know that really was hard, so how do you feel about that?
:yeah, and do you feel like you'd be honest?
:with you. Um, I don't know, but at least if I'm laying it out there, you know there's more of an opportunity to bring it up. Maybe just selfish on my part, like I feel better about, you know, holding up my end of the deal by asking okay.
:And so to get past your struggles, did you have to resort to like prescribed medications or did you just use God in the setting? Or because some people are against, say, the medication route? Yeah, whereas, like I, have to take them daily or else I probably don't function. But how do you work or believe on that end? Yeah.
:So our pastor, rusty.
:I remember I went in one time and I told him I was struggling with a sin, and he told me that, instead of focusing on stopping a sin, we need to worry about getting closer to God, because the more time you're worried about getting closer to God, the less time you know it starts to get for you to be able to even think about that sin.
:And so, um, ultimately, committing suicide is a full on attack from the devil trying to pull you down and, um, make you feel the worst about yourself. And so, um, I, after that, I really took Rusty's advice to heart and, uh, you know, I tried my hardest to never be alone in a room and I, uh, always, you know, if I was, I was either meditating or praying or diving into my Bible, even if I wasn't all the way there in reading my Bible. Sometimes it's hard to read it and really understand everything that's going on. But, um, I just tried to keep my mind on God instead of you know, the overbearing things that were still over my head, because it's not like, you know, that day happened and I wasn't still thinking about those things, you know but, um, yeah, just really putting my focus towards the Lord and um, I had some friends there that were, uh, at the college that were very helpful in that time as well.
:So so maybe your acknowledgement, you're willing to acknowledge the issues you were having Correct. So when hearing about like suicide and the mental health we have, what do you think? What steps can people take to change it, or what's your take on it?
:It's so hard because everyone's situation is so different. Because everyone's situation is so different, and I think that's why it's so hard to get across to people that are going through something like that, because a lot of times you want to feel like, oh, you don't know what I'm going through. You know and you know. Ultimately, no one knows what anyone's going through, because everyone's taking a different step in life every day and there's not one person me and my brother come the closest to it, you know taking the same steps every day and we're still completely different people. And so, um, I think, just making sure everyone knows that they have someone there for them, you know obviously Really believe it.
:Really believe it, yes, and honestly, my step or my best advice is to you know, get closer to God. But I also know that you know people. Some people don't want to hear that you know. But that's my biggest step. But outside of that is just make sure you're checking up on everyone the funny friend, the happy friend, the sad friend, the friend that doesn't talk much, or because I mean, just as I said, you know, no one knows what anyone's really going through, unless they're willing to pour their heart out to you.
:So yes, the biggest thing I've learned is you can't really care about stepping on toes or hurting feelings Like cause. If you wait and it's too late, you're just going to kick yourself Correct. So what do you see in your future, or do you have, did it change your future, or what do?
:you strive to achieve. I mean it, it. I feel like it changed my future a lot originally.
:Before then it was, like I said, all basketball yeah, he really thought his whole life was wrapped around that without basketball he was no one correct and that's where the identity and your brother continued to play basketball or no or he came in for a little bit, but he stopped playing.
:But I so, originally I thought I'm going to cause in high school we never had a gym to really work out in. It was always like practice and that was it. And I swore up and down, if I got a gym to go in, it wasn't like you're not going to see me out of it, and that's, honestly, exactly what it was. My first year not my first year in college, I went to St Louis and it was kind of the same problem Couldn't get in the gym. But my second year in Moberly, um, I mean, they I would. I would have people ask me, you know, like, why are you always in the gym? And it's because it was my life, you know. And so, um, I ultimately wanted to go play basketball overseas, and so I wanted to go see the world and play basketball at the same time. That was my, my big dream. And then ultimately settled down when I come back to the States and be a coach somewhere, um, and then when this happened, you know, uh, when, when my knee went down, you know, I had, like she said, an identity crisis, like I really didn't know who I was outside of a basketball, and so, uh, yeah, now I am looking towards teaching and giving back to students and kids, and I've had some teaching figures in the past that I think have really molded me as the person I am. So that's kind of the steps that I want to take. Is, you know, I want to be there for more than just the teaching part. But especially in high school, kids are kind of moving their way to what path they're going to take, and so that, and I hope to kind of start a. So I want to start a clothing brand as well, and so those two things are really what I'm focusing on right now. But, um, you know, always, always have God in my life and wherever he pushes me towards that's where I'm going to go.
:So what is the biggest thing that you want people to take from your story, Like if you could say anything to?
:I guess I mean almost what you pointed out. You know, like I wasn't thinking about what anyone else was going to do when I was gone, or how someone else might feel, you know. I mean, if that's not the biggest thing that shows you, if you were to just say something to someone you know I like yeah, Change that trajectory just a little Exactly, even if it puts a little bump in the plan.
:You know anything.
:Exactly Because, you know, even if in that moment I had something in the back of my brain telling me, but you told this person, they said they needed you. Yeah, Like I mean, it could have changed it completely, and you know my biggest advice is if you're going through something, just don't be alone.
:Even if you aren't going to tell someone.
:I mean truly, you know even even at that time, right, like I'm not, you know, necessarily a big party or guy or I want you know. But if, if I would have that night, you know, gone somewhere where there were people, I think for sure I couldn't even think about doing something like that to myself because I'm worried about what I'm doing at that moment.
:It's just that lonely time. Yes, yeah, isolation that leads to all the that just gives the devil the opportune time to.
:Absolutely. That's the time, too, when, when you're alone, yeah.
:Yeah, okay, well, thank you, I appreciate it Absolutely. It's not too often that you hear people's story on this side of it. Yeah, it's usually the survivors talking about the loss. Yeah, so I mean it's pretty amazing.
:It literally. You just can't tell people enough Like. You just can't tell people enough Like just have to dig in there, butt in, ask questions, you know.
:Like you said.
:If you have a friend or family member that gets mad at you because you care too much, well then yes.
:So be it yes.
:Correct.
:All right. Well, thank you guys, and let's say, if you have a friend who is needing support and needs somebody to check on them or talk, to be that person. You know, like you said, being alone is hard and sometimes that's when we make the worst decisions. And I want to thank, thank, thank them both for talking about it. Isaiah, you know, a lot of times people's not available on the other end and it's nice and refreshing to hear a story where somebody can change their life and take a bad situation and turn it into something positive. And now, with him willing to talk, he is making changes and letting other people know there is hope.
:So I think the biggest eye opener in this for me is at the time of his darkest place, he wasn't thinking about other people, or even tomorrow. So that you know, a lot of people say, well, how can people do that and leave their family? And, just like he said, he wasn't thinking about his family, he wasn't thinking about anything other than that dark moment. And I don't think I have really ever thought about it or realized, because in the big picture, I'm like how can my dad not want to see me grow up? How could he not want to know if he had grandkids and at the end of the day, who knows if he was even thinking that. I mean, I think you're in such a dark place at that time you don't think about anything else. So that was really an eye opener for me.
:But please listen, like and share and call and check on somebody today and let them know that they're not alone. Sometimes just that simple check in makes a big difference. So if you need help, call, reach out and ask for help. Simple thing Just help me. Or listen, or don't even tell them what's going on, but just talk to them so you know you're out of that situation and you're not alone. So if you need help, again, call 911. Call the crisis line 988. You can text or call 24-7 and share with a friend. Let's make
