When Your Life Looks Perfect But Feels Wrong w/ Jen Gutfriend

You can build a life that looks perfect on paper and still feel completely miserable.

In this episode, Jen Gutfriend shares the moment everything changed for her, from working 50 to 60 hour weeks and pushing through burnout to a wake up call that forced her to walk away after her body completely shut down. What came next was realizing how much of her life had been driven by beliefs she didn’t even know she had, and how discovering hypnotherapy helped her start changing them.

This conversation goes way deeper than burnout. We get into why you can be doing everything right and still feel off, how people pleasing shows up in business, and what actually starts to change when you stop building your life around what everyone else expects. We also talk about what manifestation actually looks like and why it is not just thinking positively or waiting for things to happen. 

Jen shares what it really looked like to walk away from a business that was working on the outside but wasn’t working for her, and how that led her into the work she does now. 

And the biggest shift is this, when you actually start making decisions based on what you want, things start to fall into place.

So, if you’ve ever felt like your life looks right but feels wrong, this will make you rethink what success actually looks like for you.

Connect with Jen:

Instagram: @hypnotherapist_jen

Website: https://pages.hypnotherapistjen.com/links

Chapters:

00:40 Why her burnout became a breaking point

01:40 The moment her body forced her to stop

03:40 The belief that changed everything

05:40 Why manifestation wasn’t working before

08:40 What manifestation actually looks like

12:40 Why mindset alone is not enough

15:40 Her life before entrepreneurship

17:40 How success started to fall apart

19:40 The cycle of self sabotage in business

21:40 Building a life that looked perfect but wasn’t

24:40 The pressure of expectations and people pleasing

27:40 Navigating identity in your 20s and 30s

30:40 How environment shapes your growth

33:40 What actually creates long term success

37:40 The reality of up levels and growth

41:40 Why things get harder before they work 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hey there, and welcome to Business Over Cocktails. I'm Laura Najar, your host and hype woman, bringing you real talk about entrepreneurship. This is the podcast where we dive into the bold whys, the messy middles, and the game-changing aha moments that lead to success. You'll hear unfiltered stories from entrepreneurs plus bite-sized solo episodes inside the Business Chaser series, where we cut through the noise and get straight to what actually drives sales, visibility, and growth. So whether you're here to get fired up or finally feel seen in your business journey, pull up a seat, pour your favorite drink, and let's have a real conversation. Hi everyone. Welcome back to Business Over Cocktails. I'm here with Jen, and she is a hypnotherapist and manifestation coach. She specifically went from burnout to freedom-based entrepreneur and uses her own framework and her own background and her story to help other female business owners do the same. So welcome, Jen. I'm so excited for you to be here. Thanks so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

I've been so excited about this.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Yeah, yeah. So I have questions to ask, but we'll just have, you know, a conversation and get to know more about your story and why you do what you do, right? So I want to start with the big why. Why the path of hypnotherapy? That is not a common path people go down.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

No, it's not. And it's because of that that my life truly changed. So over 10 years ago, my life was completely different. I was a completely burnt-out entrepreneur. I was working 50, 60 hours a week, stuck at 75k per year, did that for three whole years until my body shut down and said no. I was actually at the hospital getting some x-rays done due to some pain that was, again, caused by the burnout. And I remember standing against the wall and my head started spinning. And I just thought to myself, I'll just close my eyes for a second, it'll all go away. Well, I closed my eyes, I passed out, hit my head on the floor, got a concussion, and that was my wake-up call. It's like, wow, this is not why I created my business. I created my business for freedom, that time freedom, financial freedom. And it was the exact opposite. So I had to make the hard decision to walk away from my business at the time. As much as I loved it, I loved my clients, I couldn't do this anymore. And the doctors pretty much told me if you keep this up, you're not gonna live to see your 30th birthday. And so I walked away, spent a couple of years, figured out this personal development thing, never even heard of that before. Like this is back in like 2010, 2011, when it was still relatively new. But I was like, okay, I'm willing to try anything. So I dove into all these personal development books, I was learning about the law of attraction, doing all these different things. But I found myself still making these same fundamental mistakes over and over again. Even though I was putting in all the effort, I was reading the books, I was doing the affirmations, I was doing all the things that you're supposed to be doing to improve, but it wasn't. And then I like to say Divine Timing stepped in and I actually won three free hypnosis sessions. And I was like, okay, this like, no clue what this is. I only experience with hypnosis was in college doing one of those stage shows where they made me cluck like a chicken and do crazy things and it was all fun. But I was like, I have no clue what this is about. But that first session transformed my life. So in my very first session, a belief came up at three days old. I created a belief that I wasn't worthy and deserving of success or good things. So my entire life, anytime something good happened to me, anytime I started having success, I actually sabotaged it. And the same thing in my business. I didn't believe I was worthy of that, of good relationships, of making lots of money, of wealth, of freedom, any of those things. And in that first session, by uncovering that, I was able to remove that belief and my life just drastically improved. And with each session afterwards, I discovered things like I believed work had to be hard. Like you could have success, you could make a ton of money, but you had to really work hard and sacrifice everything else in order to do that. And there was all these other beliefs that kept coming up. And the more I cleared them, the better my life got. It was just like everything started to get to be easy. It was like that easy button they talk about at staples, like just pressing the easy button. And after my first few sessions, I just had this light bulb moment that said, Jen, this is what you're going to do for the rest of your life. And within a couple of years, I got certified. I did all the training. I went back to school and got my psychology degree. And it's just such a passion to me now. Yeah, I couldn't imagine myself doing anything differently.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

That's such a good story to tell. And maybe people didn't have that extreme case with burnout. I know that I didn't, but I had moments where I'm just like, my chest is tight. Like, am I having breathing problems? And then not knowing that's anxiety and then stress and burnout that has been creeping up in the background for a really long time. But you definitely had something that's like, hello, like smacked you in the face, essentially. So, like that just goes to show you like we probably have been experiencing burnout like that for a really long time. And we ignore the signals and we ignore the signs, and we're just like, we keep, you know, whatever it is, taking Tylenol or ibuprofen or drinking coffee or just ignoring all the things and trying to fix it. But like the core thing of that is stress management. The other thing that you talk a lot about is manifestation. So why manifestation?

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah. So once I started working through these mindset blocks, and the biggest one being that self-worth, that I'm not enough piece, all this manifestation work I had been trying before that, all of a sudden started working. So I'd been doing all the manifestation stuff. I was like everyone. I watched the secret, I read the books, and I was doing all the things, but none of it was actually working. But then when I removed those limiting beliefs through the hypnotherapy, all of a sudden manifestation became easy. Along with business success, along with all these other things, it was like random amounts of money. Like last year alone, I manifested over $50,000 of just random, unexpected cash, just out of the blue. And then our home we live in right now, I live in a multi-million dollar property, 21 acres out in the country. It's beautiful, it's an old farmhouse. And we have this property for free. It was given to us to live here for as long as we wanted to. And these things just became easy. And I want other women to see that they can have those things. Like they don't have to look at the dream house, the vacations, the time off, the things that they want to do. I don't want them to see that as a out of their realm or oh, I'll just work hard. That's what I hear a lot of women. Oh, I'll just work really hard in my business and then I can make that happen. When really, if you really want it, you don't have to work hard. You can do the manifestation work. You can change your belief systems around being worthy and deserving of that, because that's my belief with manifestation. Yes, there's the law of attraction and all these other laws that you need like on your side, because it's about like attracting like. But in my belief system, and what I've discovered with manifestation is it's about who you believe you are and what you believe you're worthy and deserving of. So if you, like me, don't believe you're worthy and deserving of good things, your energy is putting that back out to the universe, saying she doesn't believe it. So send that back to her. Show her, prove to her. Because even our brain is on board with that. Our brain is wired to give us what it thinks we want. And what it thinks we want are based off of the things we say and the thoughts we think. So if you have a limiting belief like myself that says I'm not good enough, you're saying things like, oh, I could never do that. Oh, that's not available to me. Oh, that's too expensive, oh, that person wouldn't, you know what, work with me. And you're saying those things and thinking those things. So that you're not just putting it out to the universe, you're putting it out to your brain, and they're both going, oh, you don't want these things. There must be a reason. And they're going to work against you to make sure that you don't get those things because they think you don't want them. So when you remove those limiting beliefs, like I did, that says you're not worthy and deserving, all of a sudden your thinking shifts and your actions shift and your voice shift and you go, wow, like that is available to me. I can have that. That is so easy. And what happens? Poof. The universe starts sending these things to you so easily. Nowadays, all I have to do is think, oh, I would love to have XYZ, and the universe sends it to me. And it can be that easy when you combine the mindset and the hypnotherapy and the manifestation together, you all of a sudden become this master manifester because you're in that energy of I can have anything, I can do anything, and the universe just gives you whatever it is you want.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

You mentioned about like, I want to come back to manifestation. I have a question first. Well, maybe, maybe I'll say the manifestation thing first, and I have a comment about it. I want to stress what manifestation is and truly what people think it is versus like what it actually is, right? Like I think when I started my business, so seven years ago now, I didn't know what manifestation was. Being online, being a business owner, being a business coach, being in all the Facebook groups seven years ago, running into some of the more popular coaches out there who believed in manifestation. And all of that seemed to me very woo-woo. We hear that all the time, right? And it that was just not me at all. And what I understood it to be, and what I people still do this, but people think that you just have to wish for it and I don't know, get crystals or do like meditation or whatever it is, and it's just going to like be mailed to you. But what I then realize is I actually am a very good manifester because there are things that I have gone through in my life and obtained and been successful at and accomplished that I basically it's it's like kind of what you said, right? It's like I have a thought of something that I want to do. It's actually in the back of my head, but it comes up to the surface, right? Because I'm like, I want this, I want that. I know I'm gonna work towards that. I just don't have a timeline, I don't have a due date. I just know that whatever I'm doing is going to get me closer to this thing. And so, like, you're not thinking about it consciously a hundred percent of the time. It's just as you continue to think about it and you remind yourself of what you want, and then you start to subconsciously go through those motions to become the person you need to be to then receive it or then to accomplish that thing. And so when someone explained that to me years ago, I'm like, oh, I guess I've been manifesting for a really long time. I just never knew that's what that was. And so manifesting is like exactly that, right? Like we have a goal, we want something, then how do we it's like releasing the timeline and releasing like the the hard steps towards it and like forcing it. You're just like, okay, like so it is. It has already happened for me. It's just a matter of me, myself getting to that end goal as well. And so I wanted to just mention that because I know that maybe the people that are listening, manifestation is new. Manifestation is not common. And I love manifesting. I think that I could even talk about myself as a powerful manifester. I just don't really ever talk about that because I think it's still such a term maybe people associate negatively because it doesn't just mean sitting and doing nothing. It's you have to also align yourself to what you truly want to.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

I agree. And I'm so glad you brought that up because there's a lot of bad advice out there that just says, oh, think about what you want, like put it out there and think positive all the time and it'll come to you. But that's not the truth. For one, I'm totally against that toxic posity because we can't all be positive 24-7. It's how do you shift that positive or that negativity? Why are you feeling that negativity? And a lot of times that negativity comes from those limiting beliefs. So it's about shifting those negative beliefs and then stepping into that version of yourself who is an energetic match for what you want. So currently, whatever you want is not an energetic match for you. So you have to ask yourself, okay, well, then who do I have to become in order to step into that version of myself? And then it's not about, because a lot of people think, oh, I have to wait till I'm successful to act successful. It's no, you have to act like you're successful before you are successful so that you can call that in. So how would that successful version of yourself? If you want a 10K month, okay, how would the version of you making 10K a month show up this month? How would you act? How would you show up? What would you put out there? What offers would you put out there? Whatever those are, you have to act like that person now, show up like that person now, and put in the effort like that person and bring it to you that way. It's not just that sitting back and going, okay, I'm gonna win the lottery, but I'm not gonna buy a lotto ticket because it's just gonna happen and that's just the way it is. It's that's wishful thinking. That's not manifestation.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

Yeah, exactly that. Wishful thinking for sure. And then yeah, like I love, because that reminds me of like visualization exercises. And that helps to visualize of like who do you actually need to become? So if you like you just mentioned, like, okay, like who do you need to become? And then if you answer that question of like, well, I don't know who I need to become, do a visualization exercise of like, okay, if you want like the 10K months or you want to make $100,000 a year in your business or whatever that next thing, million dollars, whatever that is, what does that person look like? And do a visualization exercise. What is that 2.0 version of yourself, the 3.0 version? I do this all of the time. And I articulate this in such a way where it's like, it's not about like doing more in your business necessarily. It's just like, who are you as a person? And it can be something as simple as like, I don't know why I always come back to this, but I think of it always comes back to me taking care of myself better. And I'm like, okay, if I was making a million dollars plus a year, what am I doing every day? I'm probably doing a face mask every day before I go to bed and like doing like a bedtime ritual. And in that moment, then I immediately go into the millions of face masks I have in my bathroom and I will do, I will start doing face masks because I'm like, oh, like this is who I'm envisioning myself to be. I also think about that person eating better or working out or treating themselves better, getting better sleep, showing up as a better mom and a wife. And so, like, all of those things are part of the business success that I want. Because if I'm envisioning this person, this is who I think I need to become in order to be that energetic match. So, yeah, I I love, I love this. And I love, like, for me, this is what took me to understand of like, it's so crazy to me that I'm saying these things, first of all, because I think I remember how I was so anti all of this, even just anti-mindset. Like, even anti-like, no, I know what I need to do, I just need to do it. But like, obviously, if everyone had that same mindset, then we'd all be rich and we'd all be successful. And that's just like simply not the case. So we have to, you know, there's a reason why you're not being consistent every day. There's a reason why you can't show up every day. There's a reason why you're not having the success that you want. And that comes down to the mindset part of it all as well. I wanted to ask you though, because you mentioned like being burnt out before you found hypnotherapy manifestation. What was life like then? Like what jobs were you doing?

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Oh, my life sucked back then. So, because I had this belief of not being enough, I spent my whole life as that people pleaser, that person who literally spent their whole life trying to make everybody else happy and putting their own wants and needs on the back burner. So for the first 30 years of my life, it was I went to school for something I thought my parents wanted. I went to school because I wanted to go to school. Like if it was up to my parents, I would have just, you know what, got a job till I found a husband, got married, popped out babies, stayed home, been a stay-at-home mom, taking care of kids, and that should have been my life. But I really knew I was meant for more and I always loved to learn. So I finally was like, okay, no, I am going to school. So I did something that I thought my parents would agree with, which was business, was got my business degree, went into corporate, hated it as what I'm understanding now is a manny gen and some other things about myself. I'm not made to be stuck in a box. And so I would stay at a job for about two to three years, and then I would just get this like major itch, like, oh, I can't be here anymore. This is driving me crazy. And I worked in a very male-dominated industry of you're just a little woman, you don't know what you're talking about. So I moved around in a few different corporate jobs, hated it. And then finally I was like, you know what? I'm gonna start my own business because I'm really good at, you know, at consulting. I'm really good at what I do. I'm gonna start my own business. Then I don't have to deal with all these macho men who keep trying to tell me I'm just a little girl and I don't know what I'm talking about. And so I did. And right away I got success. I leveraged some of my past clients. I had a bunch of referral partners. And right away I got like six clients within my first few months. And it was so easy. And I remember thinking that because I remember my whole life, business is hard. My dad had a business when I was growing up and we made lots of money, but he was never home. Like he was gone to work before I got up in the morning. There was most nights he wasn't home by the time I went to bed. So in my brain, I was thinking, wow, like this is actually easy. Like I didn't know it could be that way. And my brain right away latched onto that. My limiting beliefs go, uh-uh, that's not true because you don't believe success is easy. That this isn't right. So all of a sudden it started getting harder and harder and harder to the point where I was working those 50, 60 hour weeks. Every time I got a client, I'd lose a client for some reason. Like it was just this constant cycle of my mind saying, no, you can't have that. And it's crazy because at first it was that way. And that's the way our brain works is it gives us again what it thinks we want. So here I am wanting success, wanting my own business, wanting to do these things, wanting to get out of corporate, but then sabotaging the very thing that I was wanting because I didn't believe I was worthy and deserving of it. And then that's where I ended up in my burnout journey and then moving on. So I did many, many years of corporate. And that also led to really bad relationships. When I walked away from my business, I was in a very toxic marriage because I got married because I was getting older and I kept hearing, you need to be married, you need to be having kids. And so I was doing all these things for everyone else. And then I remember it was just before my burnout. Someone said to me one day, Oh my God, you have the picture perfect life. I wish I had your life. And all I could think of in my head was, is there something wrong with me? Because I'm miserable. Like, I am so miserable. Like my business is burning me out. My marriage is toxic. I don't want to be in this marriage. He treats me like garbage. I hate my friends because they all treat me like garbage. They all use me like I just was so miserable. And for someone to say that to me, I was just like thinking it was something wrong with me. And it's funny because I ended up doing a lot of therapy after all of this because I seriously thought I was broken. When really it wasn't that I was broken, it was that I was trying to build a life that everyone else like approved of and wanted for me rather than the life I wanted for myself. And now I'm actually living that life that brings me true joy. People say to me now, oh my God, you're living the dream life. And I'm like, yeah, actually I am. This is my dream life. And it feels so much better than that life I used to have that always made me miserable and upset and sad. Like even in my teens, I dealt with depression. I dealt with all these other issues because I just was not myself. I wasn't thinking of myself. I wasn't doing what I wanted. I was just too worried about everybody else and their opinions.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Yeah. Yeah. It's it's hard. That's hard to leave a situation like that. And it's hard to recognize it, especially when you're in the thick of it. But good for you to have that self-awareness that you knew how unhappy you were. And I think that a lot of times, like entrepreneurs or people who are multi-passionate or just want to do things differently. I know that I constantly have moments where I'm just like, is there something wrong with me? Because I don't think like the normal person. And I specifically had that, I think around that age as well, like my late 20s, my early 30s, because it's about when I started my business, was even in my 20s, like I was experimenting with like Beach Body and all the MLMs that were popular around that time. And I just kept wanting to make more money. And I really can't put my finger on it as to why. I just knew that I didn't want to have a traditional job. There were always moments where like my job would treat me okay. And then they sent me to like training and like a management track. And like I felt important. And then I would always switch. And I'm like, okay, like maybe this is for me. But then very quickly after that, like something would happen at work that was toxic again. And the same thing, like I battled with that a lot. Like I had a lot of people judge myself and my husband for doing the things we wanted to do. Like, you know, our goal, we had a lot of goals our first few years when we were together, and even before we were married. And, you know, we got married the time that we did because it was either get married or sell our house, move to Chicago, then get married. So we decided to get married first, fixed up the house that we were living in, sold that house because it, and people thought we were nuts because it's like, what are you supposed to do? You're supposed to go to college, get a degree, get a job, have really great jobs, find your partner, get married, have kids, and have a house. For us, we got married. We well, we date, we started dating, we moved in together, got married, sold that house, moved to Chicago. We went from a four-bedroom house to a one-bedroom apartment. And our house was probably, I don't know, say 1800 square feet. And then our apartment, our one-bedroom apartment was 700 square feet. But that was a dream that we had. We wanted to live in the city. We wanted to do that. And every we just had so many judge, like judgy people around us that are like, why are you doing that? And especially because we lived in a very great neighborhood. It's a very coveted neighborhood. It's good schools. It's where I grew up. It's still a very good area. But it's just like, that's not what I wanted. I didn't want to live in that town, did not want to have a house. Like I wanted to live in Chicago, didn't even know if I wanted kids at that point. And so it's just, it's so hard when you and you feel alone a lot of times, like when you feel like this. So it's really hard when people want to have these opinions and especially think at that involved. It's still a vulnerable age in your 20s as you're becoming an adult, even going into 30, like early 30s as well. Like you're trying to find your way. And I I truly think it is very difficult to navigate all of that still. Like 30 is still so young to me. Like I now that I, you know, I'm 38 now, but I think that it's very it's a very lonely journey. And it's hard to just kind of stand up for yourself. And then you naturally will have those people pleasing tendencies, which that's something that I struggled with too.

SPEAKER_00 24:46

Yeah, I found the 20s, you're all about everyone around you and trying to fit in. And then in your 30s, you're kind of trying to break out, figure out who you are. And then by 40s, you're like, okay, I figured it out. Now it's creating that life around those belief systems. And I I see this so many times. But if you don't know who you are at the core or what you want, it's really hard to create a life. And at the same time, if what you want is different than everyone else around you, it's also very hard because the people that surround you are a big part of your energy. And this is a big part of manifestation and mindset because they are influencing you. So in my family, I've had to put strong boundaries and even cut certain family members out because they were affecting my mindset and my ability to manifest what I wanted, because they didn't believe I should have a business. I still have family members that are like, I can't believe you're doing this. Like, this is stupid. Just get a job, just get a steady paycheck. Don't worry about, you know, a business. And I have to cut those people out because the things they say, even if I'm in the back of my mind saying, screw you, I don't believe you, my brain is still taking that in. So if there's always people around me saying the same thing over and over and over again, my brain starts to wonder, is this true? So that's why it's really important. Jim Rohn always said, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And it is very true. So you need to elevate yourself and surround yourself with people who are going to bring you up, who are going to make you feel better about yourself, who are going to show you what's possible. And that's where even having a coach like Lauren, like a business coach that can show you that way, someone that is better than you, someone who's achieved more than you. You want to have those people around you that are showing you, yes, it's possible, yes, you can do it, and like your cheerleaders. Because if you don't have those people, we can get stuck in our mind and go, can I really do this? I don't know. And it just you get in that stuck mentality. Whereas if you have people saying, You've got this, you can do it, this is available to you. Look what I've done, you can do it too. And it's not a this is a big thing too, is the jealousy piece. So I have to bring this up because this is really important. People think jealousy is a bad thing. I actually think it's the opposite. So if you're jealous about somebody and what they have or what they're doing, that's just telling your brain that you want that. Jealousy is just opening your mind and awareness to something that's not currently available to you that you want. So instead of thinking of it and going, oh my God, this is horrible. I shouldn't be jealous, go, why am I jealous? Like, what is it about that specific person or what they're talking about or what they're doing that is making me jealous? And maybe it's something about their life, oh, well, they've got this brand new car and that's my dream car. Okay, that's great. So if they can have it, so can you. And that's what I always say when I get jealous. Well, if they can have it, so can I. And I just keep telling myself that. And then I think to myself, okay, how do I make it happen? Who do I need to be? Like, who is she being? Who is the version of her that manifested that? And then how can I be my own version of her that then manifests that? So it's just using these things that can be negative and turning them into positives and helping you to actually get what you want through something that used to be considered negative.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

I love all of this and I have so many thoughts. Because I will say, okay, so there's a few things here with like I want to go back to the age thing. And I remember being, I was uh 30 or 31 when I I was 31 when I started my business. I just turned 31. And I have a hard, I I'm not like one to like think of ages. And I think because of just everything that I've also experienced in life, that I've done a lot of work around that because, you know, having cancer in my mid to younger 20s, like I feel like life was stolen from me in a way. But like I've done a lot of work around that to be like, I'm not behind, like it's okay. And now being 38 and looking back at someone who's 31, that's so young to me. And the fact that myself at that age, or anyone who wants to start a business, even in their 20s, and you are so self-aware already of what you want to do and what you don't want, that is astounding. And one of the stats that goes around a lot is like the average person who starts a business is 41 years old, which is that's also very surprising to me, right? Like we we see online all of these entrepreneurs and YouTube stars and TikTok influencers and things like that that are making millions of dollars, but we don't realize how few and far between that is, that the normal person isn't doing that. The other thing about the jealous piece is I really, and I will say, let me go back to then surrounding yourself with people. Surrounding yourself with people, I think me moving to Chicago was the best thing I ever did. For me, and in case you don't like, if people are listening and then they're like, where do you even live? I don't live very far from Chicago. For me to drive now to Chicago takes 45 minutes to an hour, an hour being like the longer end of the stick, sometimes an hour and a half if there's traffic, but I can go there. And back in the day, I'm actually going there later today for a doctor's appointment. All of my doctors are there. So it is something, and I was there yesterday too. So like I go there all of the time. It's not a very far place for me. So for me to then move there, it's obviously a city and not the suburbs, but for me to be surrounded by people, I didn't have any friends in the city other than my husband. We didn't know anyone living in the city at the time. But just to be around that energy and to be around knowing that there are entrepreneurs around us, there are high-rise buildings around us. We were living in a high-rise building. There are people that spend 4,000 a month, 5,000 a month on rent. Like it's wild to me, right? But I was around that energy that made that so and that made it that okay. Where me living in Northwest Indiana where I'm from, and I'm living here now, that was not anything anyone ever did around me. There weren't people that were judging me for doing that. There are people that hate the city. There are people that are like, no, we need to do this, this, this in order and like gotta do what everyone else is doing. I remember like everyone was like, it just we, you know, for our group of friends, it was just so common for everyone to like go to college and then get married right out of college. And we went to like so many weddings around like our younger to mid-20s. Everyone then like had kids, and it's just like then you start to like in I feel like your 20s are weird, your 30s are weird because you start to like distance yourself, not like purposely, but it's just like you guys don't have anything in common anymore. Like, I definitely don't want that, and I never wanted that. And for me to like follow the rules of society, and I'm like, I just don't like I remember it was very, it was it's a very real thing. I remember my sister and I, we were at a party and we were sitting at in someone's house, and we were sitting with like all of the girls, and all the guys were off somewhere doing something. And there were a few girls who were like a like a couple years older than us, but we were all in our 20s. They were talking about like what kind of like washer and dryer they have. And and my sister and I, like, I remember us talking about it like on the way home. We're like, this is just we're not even thinking of this stuff yet. Like we lived in our like, I think we still lived together, my sister and I, but we lived in like our parents' house. Like we inherited our parents' house after they passed away. Like, I'm not thinking about like what washer and dryer I like want, like, oh, this brand and this. I'm like, this is not the level that I'm at. I'm still partying. I'm still figuring out who I am. I'm still trying to like get through cancer and stuff like that. But like I just remember that visceral reaction of like, I'm so uncomfortable. Like, this is just like, or then, like, I remember like, oh, I gotta cook my boyfriend dinner when he gets home from work. I'm like, huh? Like, that is just like not a real thing that I I don't even think about that now. Like, yeah, okay, maybe I think about like for my daughter, but like, I don't, that's just such a weird conversation. But, anyways, full circle is like for you to know who you want to be in your 20s and even your 30s is exceptional. And I do now looking back, I do give myself credit, but I do think moving to Chicago really benefited me because I was surrounded by better energy. Now, I do want to ask you something about this, though, because I was devastated, even though I full on made this decision along with my husband. We made the decision to move back to the suburbs because we were trying to have a baby. We knew that having a baby in the city was not what we actually wanted, and we knew we would need more space. However, I was devastated when we made that decision. And I was like, my business is gonna fail. I'm gonna be around small-minded people. I don't like Northwest Indiana. I don't want to go to the suburbs, I'm going to lose all of the energy that I have in my business. Obviously, that hasn't happened. My business is way more successful. I think becoming a mom has helped with that. It just unlocked a new confidence. But my question then to you, and maybe like advice that you would have given me a few years ago, is yes, it's so important with who you spend time with and who you surround yourself and the energy you surround yourself with. But how do we unlock that within ourselves?

SPEAKER_00 34:19

Yeah. So it's about being confident in yourself. Like you were worried about that move from Chicago because, oh, I'm not going to be surrounded. But you forgot to mention or forgot to think that I'm still only an hour away because you just said that I go to Chicago all the time. I go to my doctors during Chicago. So you weren't completely taking yourself out of there. You were making a compromise for something else you wanted. So at the time, having more space, having a child was a dominating thought in your mind. And in your mind, Chicago was not the place. So as much as you love Chicago, Indiana was a better place. And yes, maybe the people weren't there specifically for you, but it doesn't mean that you're not surrounding yourself with those people because you have an online business. So you're surrounding yourself with people online. You don't have to have someone next door to feel supported. You don't have to have those people. There's a lot of truly successful people that live in small little communities all around the world that maybe don't have their biggest support network in person, but they are biz besties. Their friends are online. They can make a Zoom call. That's the power of 2025. We can call anyone, anywhere around the world, anytime we want. So if we need our biz besti, we can make that call to them. We can pop into Chicago, make that our drive, and just take off and go there, do the things we need to do, get in that energy, and then come home. But at the same time, you were elevating yourself to a new level. Chicago wasn't the right one, but you wanted to be a mom. You were at that mom energy. I want to be a mom. I want to have more space. I want to have a bigger place for my child. So that's going to take precedence at the time. But it doesn't mean you're losing out on the other things just because you're not around those people all the time. Look at you now. You love connection so much. You're doing these in-person events in Chicago. So it's not like you pulled yourself away from it. That was just a thought in your mind of, oh my God, I'm going to miss out. I'm going to be around small-minded people. No, you're not unless you actually self-fulfill that prophecy in your mind and you start surrounding yourself with small-minded people. You still have access to all these amazing wealth and money and abundance that's around you. You just have to look a little bit harder to see it or look in different spots for it.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

Yeah, it's it's never the easy answer, right? It's never like, oh, I have to be in Chicago to build my business. Like, right? Like the actual realness is that people build businesses and they live all over the country. Like I have clients that are in like the Dakotas. You live in Canada, like in the middle of nowhere. Like there are so many people that build businesses that are not near a major city, nor do they live in a major city. And just like you said, the first six years at least of my business, all of that was online. I never met people in person unless like my online friends met me in person. But yeah, like I, you know, as the last few years, we moved back, what is it, 2025? So we moved back three years ago. So I've been in Indiana these last three years, had my daughter two years ago. So I just I feel like I definitely have changed and shifted into like truly owning who I am and finding myself. And again, I think being a mom has had a lot to do with that. But again, like realizing that no, it's within me, the energies within me, I just had to take some time to finally figure that out.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Exactly. And we all have these moments of where we're unsure. It's called that up level. So as we achieve new levels in our business, new levels in our life, changes in our life, like you, you know what, from you get new levels in your business, everything's great. But then you're in this new era of, well, I want to be a mom. So that comes with new unknown things. And we have to take those times to work through those things that are getting in our way or shifting into that energy, finding people that we can, you know what, emulate ourselves after or see that what is possible. So we're always shifting and we're always changing. If we're not, then we're staying stagnant and we're not growing and we're not manifesting more. So every time we go through these, I call them up levels, we need to take that time to work through things. We're gonna get some stagnant energy. We're gonna have some time where things are gonna feel a little tougher, we're gonna feel a little down, we're gonna feel a little more negative because it's new, it's unknown, and we have to figure ourselves out at that level and figure out who is this new version of ourselves? What does it look like without losing who we want to be? So you going through that transition is completely normal. And because you were optimistic about it and you're like, well, this is what I want because of XYZ, you've made the rest work. You figured the rest out because the first part of it was so important to you that the rest of it just comes along if you stick with it and you go, I know it's gonna work out.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that's almost like what we were talking about earlier about like if you think, if you think it, it's gonna happen. So, like for me, it's like, oh, I'm I was so worried about losing the energy. And you know, maybe I don't know if I've I didn't like lose my business or anything, but like I definitely felt depressed and like sad and because I was so focused on not being in Chicago and how much I hated moving back. But also too, like you said, I like how you put like becoming a different version of myself, aka becoming a mom was an up level in a way, because also too, it's very easy to think about that being not an up level about being a downfall, right? Because again, as women, we are conditioned that we're going to lose everything if we become a mom and have a baby and all the things, which I definitely felt as well. So I want to probably like that first, you know. I left my nine to five March of 2022, and then we moved back to Indiana in April of 2022. And so I only had like a month there where I was like in Chicago working on my business solely. Like I achieved that dream, but then we moved back, and then I got pregnant maybe like a couple months after that, had a miscarriage, got pregnant two months after that. So, like there's just like these tumultuous six months there where I know I was not in the right headspace and just not, and my business felt hard. And so it goes to your point of before you up level, before you have this massive undertaking, you are gonna feel uncomfortable and just it's gonna feel blah. And I do feel like in my when I was pregnant, it was slowly creeping up, right? But like I was pregnant and like that was obviously on my brain. But man, like coming back after maternity leave and like my official return to work was August, like late August 2023. Man, has it been fun? Like, has it been amazing? Has it been so cool? And just like looking at all the things that we've been doing, it's it's so exciting. And and I like how you kind of switch that up. And I think that there are so many people that are going to hear this and be feeling so many different things around the different situations in life. We all have to move, we all have to, there's life is never the same. You're right. There can't, you know, it's change is what's constant. And whenever we are going through difficult changes or life events and trauma, like how do we navigate that? And and and whatever we believe about a situation, it is what it's going to be. So, like, if we believe the fact of like everything's always working out for me, then guess what? Everything's gonna always work out for you. I actually had to think about that when I was in New York this past weekend because I was really worried about like getting to my flight, and I'm like, everything's gonna work out for me. I'm the security checkline's gonna be easy. I'm gonna get some food, my flight's gonna be on time, I'm gonna get home, and then everything's gonna be smooth. And sure it was, right? Like even if there was a hiccup, if I'm believing all of that stuff, I'm like, okay, everything's working out for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

And I want to make a note too, because you said about things being difficult. And one thing people don't realize about manifestation is sometimes things get really difficult before we get what we want. And it's your brain in the universe testing you. They want to know, is this truly what you want? Are you really sure you want this? So sometimes they'll throw shit at you to see if you're still on board. Because if shit gets hard and you're like, maybe I don't want this business, they're just testing you. Whereas if they're throwing shit at you and you're like, no, I'm determined to make this happen no matter what. I'm gonna manifest this business, I'm gonna manifest this relationship, this car, whatever it is. If you can work through those tough times, just know that's a bit of a test from your brain and the universe to make sure that's what you want and just take it as that, going, no, I understand you're testing me, but this is what I really want. And I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get there. And then the universe goes, okay, sure. And then all of a sudden it's just like it happens. Like you feel like you're pushing, pushing, pushing. It's like a bubble popping. You're pushing against the bubble, pushing, and all of a sudden it pops and it's right there. And you're like, oh, okay, I've got it. This is great, wonderful. Now what's next? So just know that you can get through those hard times and it's just something that's there, but it doesn't mean it's not available. It just means you got to do a little bit of work to push through it to get what you want. So it's not always sunshines and rainbows. And that's one thing about manifestation that drives me crazy is everyone's like, think positive. Oh, it's sunshines and rainbows, and everything is wonderful when you get into the manifestation and everything works out and perfect and wonderful. And it's not, we have ups and downs. It's life, even in manifestation. We can have good days, we can have bad days. We can have things come really quickly. We can have some things come a little bit slower, but it doesn't mean it's not working. It's just the way it is.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

Yeah. Oh, this conversation's so good. But it has to end at some point. No, so many good takeaways. This was at least this was a good conversation for me to have. Like it was so good. But I want to let everyone know how they can find you, follow you, and connect with you. Yeah. If you could share that. Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 44:27

So the best spot is Instagram. You can find me there at hypnotherapist underscore gen. You can also find my website. I don't really use it much, but it's hypnotherapistgen. But I love to DM on Instagram. So if you have any questions that came up during this, you're just wondering about something, send me a DM over on Instagram, and I'd love to have a chat.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

Thank you so much for this conversation. It was so good. And we will chat with you later and all of your links will be in the show notes. Thanks. Thanks for having me. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Business Over Cocktails, where real stories and bold business moves come to life. If this episode lit something up in you, share it with a friend, tag me at Laurenajar or the podcast page at Business Over Cocktails. Make sure to leave a quick review as well. It helps more than you know. Until next time, keep chasing what matters and building the business that feels like you. Cheers.