Wedding Hive Podcast
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Wedding Hive Podcast
Navigating Family Expectations: From In-Law Boundaries to Wedding Traditions
We tackle two listener questions about navigating difficult family dynamics around weddings and marriage. From in-laws who want to change you to parents who cling to wedding traditions, we share personal experiences and practical advice for setting healthy boundaries.
• Establishing boundaries with in-laws who want you to change requires evaluating what changes they're suggesting
• Consider whether the suggested changes are constructive feedback or harmful criticism
• Your partner should back you up when dealing with difficult family dynamics
• Sometimes temporary distance from family members is necessary to establish healthy relationships
• Research wedding traditions to understand their origins before deciding which to include
• The tradition of not seeing each other before the ceremony stems from arranged marriages
• Consider which traditions hold personal meaning versus which ones you can compromise on
• Walking down the aisle traditions can be particularly emotional and significant
• Remember that while family relationships matter, your marriage comes first
• Finding the balance between respecting family wishes and staying true to yourselves
We'll see you next week for another episode of Wedding High!
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Hey queens, welcome back to another episode of the Wedding High podcast. So, as you know, it is June and we are on summertime and on vacation, so we're just going to be doing a long episode answering two questions that you listeners have sent in. So, kelsey, these are a little bit juicy today. So we'll start with the first question that a listener sent in how do you establish boundaries with your future in-laws who want you to change?
Speaker 2:Ooh, that is an absolute loaded question. I think that there are many directions that we can go with this question. First off is you have found your partner and your partner has obviously chosen you in life. Have found your partner and your partner has obviously chosen you in life, and so, you know, establishing that relationship and then between the two of you is so important. Also, what changes are they asking you to make? These in-laws? Because sometimes, you know, life is always changing. You know we're always evolving, we're always growing, we're always becoming a better version of ourselves, and so I think that this can be looked at in a negative and a positive light.
Speaker 2:If they're wanting you to change, maybe this is a terrible example, but if they're like you can lose weight or you can do this better, you can you know. If they're, if it's a constant nagging, that is difficult. If it's pieces of, maybe change some of your communication styles or be more open, I don't think those are necessarily negative. I think it's important that boundaries are set in what those changes might need to be. They have to work for you and your partner, work for you and your partner. But sometimes I think asking people to change or challenging people to change might be a good look in the mirror, so yeah, I agree, I think it's hard to.
Speaker 1:A lot of parents are old school and have different ways of thinking and life and how you should. I mean, it could be the way that you're living your life or, you know, some people are like you need to have this job and you need to be doing this and you need to be, you know. You know, sometimes I feel like parents can be very gender role associated. You know as the male should be, you know working and then you should be at home cleaning and cooking. That's not going to happen. I can tell you that, first of all because, um, you know it's. It's different now, when we're in 2025. And I think again, setting healthy boundaries and, um, really communicating with your partner. If these things that they're saying is really hurting you, at the end of the day, your partner should back you up.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of times, um, even John and I have talked about that. We love our family and we love you know. We don't mind them giving opinions, as long as they're positive, and sometimes it does come along with negative ones, unfortunately, but we're our own family now and we're going to do things how we want to do them and if you know they can't accept that, then it's just maybe an agree to disagree in my opinion, and you just have to. You only got one life to live. You have your marriage, do what's best for your marriage and sometimes, as hard as it might, say it could be cutting off this family member, even if it's a mom or it's a dad or it's someone that you don't want to necessarily have to do that. But I feel like you should keep your sanity and just stick to what's going to make you and your husband most happy.
Speaker 2:I absolutely love that you brought up that piece of your family and a little bit of your story, grace, because we that exact situation happened with us. My mother-in-law is a very, very, very traditional Hispanic mother and she thinks I should be home cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children. And sure enough, when she went to my husband and said why is your wife out of the home and why is she working, he said this is what she enjoys and she loves what she does. And she made some comments at a family gathering once to me about it and he said then you probably aren't gonna be part of our family for a while. And they didn't talk for months, months, almost up to a year.
Speaker 1:So but that's good, though, that Tomas had your back and that's how it should be. Correct, even if it's those hard conversations too. And, just like you said, is their relationship better now With the mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we have a very healthy relationship now because he stood his ground of this is what works for me and my wife and this is how we have established our home and our family, and either you can be for it or you don't have to be a part of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sometimes it takes that step back for your family or you know, just to help mend the relationship, and it doesn't always have to be a negative thing, it could just be so much, as you know, maybe we should just take a break for a little bit, figure it out, cool off, and then now you guys have a great relationship, correct? So I think that's beautiful, I think that's awesome.
Speaker 2:And again looping back to the original comment, if you are making choices that are hurting your partner, you know, and if there is a lack of maturity and communication, then maybe it is something that you need to consider. Or if it's a communication style, it's okay to do a little evaluation and see if that is something that you do need to work on or if it's something that does not need to be. And so all righty. What's the next question?
Speaker 1:Okay, next question is how to work with parents, family members who prefer to stick to wedding traditions. Oh, this is so fun.
Speaker 2:I know, oh man, oh geez. So I understand like the intention behind the traditions. I would encourage you to first off look into those traditions. Where did those traditions come from and why are they established the way that they are, or why do they want these things done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, it could be that they had that at their wedding and that's something special.
Speaker 2:And I would say even going further back. Do you remember, grace? We talked about it. We've talked about it in the last few months. I'm trying to remember if we did it on a podcast that was recorded or if we were just talking like hanging out, talking um. But even the tradition with first looks and how those go back to the arranged marriages, and so the first look was established because that was the first time that the bride and groom were seeing each other, because the parents arranged the marriage, um, and that was up at the altar right. So there's this nuance that, oh my gosh, it's bad luck to see the other person before the wedding. Well, not sure when that rumor was decided.
Speaker 1:I know I'm sorry. Who decided that or who even like, said? That is what I'm curious about.
Speaker 2:Somewhere in the last hundred plus years, sometime back in the 19th, in the 1700s, a rumor got started and we decided to pick up on it. So with that, that's why I would challenge like, really do some research on those traditions. What things, why are certain traditions in place? And then really taking a look at those and saying which ones are meaningful to me in our marriage and what ones are super silly and not necessary. And then is there some traditions that we can. Are there some traditions that we can incorporate because they're not that big of a deal but they're important to our parents? Yeah, like, compromise.
Speaker 1:You know, maybe Because I didn't know this was a thing apparently, but I feel like you've talked about it, saying that the cake cutting is not really a thing anymore, which I thought was kind of crazy because I feel as if that's one of the big timeline points in every wedding. So I was kind of shocked to hear that. And of course, a lot of people have opinions on the bouquet toss, the garter toss.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think what other traditions there are so like some traditions that, as I'm running through timelines in my head, I think one that might be very significant is who walks you down the aisle. Yeah, so that's one like. That's true, I know my husband and I did things very untraditionally, but my father walking me down the aisle, my parents walking me down the aisle, would be very, very significant to me having both parents I would have.
Speaker 2:I would have both my parents walk me down the aisle. They both played a very significant role in my upbringing. So for my parents to walk me down the aisle because they are giving me to my husband and there is that symbolic pass-off of she is now yours means something to me. Now, those are very sensitive conversations and I've sat in many of those conversations in who's?
Speaker 1:walking down aisles.
Speaker 2:Those are heartbreaking and hard conversations to have. That I've had to witness. But again, other than that, I can't figure out what other tradition would be an absolute must that would tick parents off to the level of being correct. Yeah, if you didn't do it.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, this is your wedding. So, like we've said many times before, do whatever is going to make you happy. Or if you're feeling like you want to compromise and maybe do one tradition or don't do another one, then I think that's a healthy boundary area to stick with, to make sure everyone's happy, because you want everyone, even though it is your wedding day too. I think that would make your parents happy. So well, that is our daily buzz.
Speaker 2:Have a great week, guys. We'll see you next week for another episode.