Exes at Weddings? A Brutally Honest Conversation About Wedding Guest Lists

We answer a Wedding Hive listener's burning questions about wedding etiquette, tackling everything from inviting exes to RSVP timelines with brutal honesty and practical advice.

• Never invite exes to your wedding - both hosts agree this creates awkward situations and raises questions about your readiness for marriage
• The devil's advocate perspective: even childhood friends who became exes or family friends with brief romantic history can create uncomfortable dynamics
• Traditional RSVP method: physical invitations with stamped return cards (Grace's approach)
• Modern RSVP solution: wedding websites that automatically track responses, meal choices and generate spreadsheets for planning
• It's acceptable to politely request monetary gifts instead of physical items - just be straightforward about what you prefer
• Recommended RSVP timeline: request responses 45 days before wedding, giving you time to follow up with non-responders before venue deadlines (typically 30 days)
• For guests unfamiliar with technology, be prepared to help them RSVP or have someone assist them

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Transcript

Wedding Hive Listener Question Introduction

Speaker 1 0:00

Hey queens, welcome back to another episode of the Daily Buzz. So Grace and I are here. Grace, we have received a Instagram question, so I'm going to read it to you. Okay, and yeah, let's just go from there. Okay, let's hear it. Okay, so this Wedding Hive listener has asked how many exes, what platform text message, et cetera, and when should we send a NRSVPp remind?

Speaker 2 0:27

like how many exes should you invite to your wedding?

Speaker 1 0:29

what do you mean? So let's break this question down, because the first part of the question is how many exes should you invite to your wedding?

Speaker 2 0:37

would you ever invite one?

Speaker 1 0:39

I would absolutely invite my exes to my wedding. Hell yeah, absolutely the fuck not. I would be like hey, just so you all know, I mean you could be like, this is what you could have had.

Speaker 2 0:50

Yeah, sorry, boo use out.

Speaker 1 0:53

Yeah, uh, no. But if my husband invited his exes to the wedding, oh, it's war we would. I would walk down the aisle and like beat each of them with my bouquet as we like walk down the aisle. I would just be like someone go spill a glass of wine on their dress?

Speaker 2 1:09

No, seriously, yeah, no, I would never invite. I'm sorry If you're inviting your ex to your wedding, like why are you getting married?

Speaker 1 1:15

That's so cringe? No, I do agree, I really do agree.

Speaker 2 1:18

Because is there still?

Speaker 1 1:19

a connection there.

Speaker 2 1:21

There's no like. If I literally went to someone's wedding and their ex was there, I would think I would be like what the actual F is going on? That's so weird. If you do, you shouldn't be getting married. I'm sorry. If you're inviting an ex, okay, let's play devil's advocate really quick.

Speaker 1 1:39

No, seriously, what if this ex was like a childhood best friend? You like went to prom one year together and it was like, yeah, it's not weird. Like this is weird because we're like friends and like that person. Like what if they're a family friend? I'm trying to look at every angle of this. What if it's a family friend? You like had like a quick fling. What if you didn't sleep together?

Speaker 2 2:02

I was gonna say I was like if you slept with them, then absolutely no. If you slept with somebody, they's not. But then if they're an ex, like there's, unless, like you, dated for like a month, like I'm just saying, yeah, I think this is how those? This is how, if you're an adult and you're dating, matthew mcconaughey got famous was with all of his movies.

Speaker 1 2:23

All these are like rom-com movies, oh, okay, well, yeah, I mean because, like an ex shows up, you realize you're in love and then you like run away, bride. But that's how they all work. So should a ex be invited to a wedding? Absolutely, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 2:35

Absolutely not. If that happens, I would die.

Speaker 1 2:38

I think you can post on social media. Somebody's going to get on. I promise this is probably gonna end up on tiktok again, where people didn't listen to my follow-up when I made, when I said something, because that's what happened last time I said something on tiktok do not invite your ex to your wedding. I would not invite my exes to my wedding. I think it'd be funny to throw it in their face, yeah, and be like you missed out, but then they'd bring the girlfriend, they'd bring their new girlfriend and and then you'd have that.

Speaker 2 3:03

And then it's super cringe, see, and then everyone, if you're close with your family, everyone would know that's your ex too. And then it's just weird.

Speaker 1 3:09

Well, and like I can already see it playing out, the ex is like really good friends with your parents and so they like are rubbing shoulders with your dad. And then somebody says, oh, I wish you would have been the one to marry him.

Speaker 2 3:21

Yeah, if you invite your ex to your wedding, jail time. I'm sorry, don't do it.

RSVP Methods and Timeline Discussion

Speaker 1 3:27

Just don't Yuck. Okay. So the second part of the question. What is the actual question? When should we send? Okay, I think this has to do with RSVPs, so let's just run through RSVPs. Perfect, how many ways did you tell your guests to RSVP for?

Speaker 2 3:47

your wedding. We did the save the date and then we did the invitation with the send back RSVP.

Speaker 1 3:54

In the mail. Yeah, snail mail, snail mail, and did you get them all back? Yeah.

Speaker 2 3:59

And then if I like didn't hear I don't think I heard from like four or five people and I just I just texted them.

Speaker 1 4:05

I said know, did you stamp their RSVPs?

Speaker 2 4:07

for them. Yeah, I mean, my sister did. Okay, my sister's really like your sister has funny money to be able to.

Speaker 1 4:13

Oh no, she's a teacher. No my. So you can afford all those stamps. No my mom.

Speaker 2 4:18

Okay, first of all my mom bought the stamps and then my sister wrote all of the invitations, because she has good penmanship, because she's a teacher, wow. So I did none of the work, I just made the guest list and got everyone's address and then she wrote them.

Speaker 1 4:32

Okay, so according to Grace, you can do snail mail for RSVPs.

Speaker 2 4:37

I did like a year in advance for the save the date, and then I think we sent the actual invitation to Six months prior. Okay, so I feel like plenty of time to send back.

Speaker 2 4:48

Okay, and on the RSVP. If you guys are worried about feeling awkward about, like, asking for money, we literally put on the RSVP. I can't remember verbatim the words, but you know, if you feel so inclined to bring a gift, we ask, you know, to bring cash or money to help pay for the honeymoon, because we'd already moved out, out, we'd already had all the home stuff and we're going to Europe, um, in September so if you want to go to have you contribute to her honeymoon fun, yeah, she's like, here's my Venmo, yeah if everyone Venmo's me one dollar, I can probably go to like seven more countries oh yeah, like I'm already

Speaker 1 5:26

going to three so I'm already squeezing too much. Is this where I come in and I'm like yeah, please feed kelsey's family I'm trying to feed my children yeah, no.

Speaker 2 5:39

So I said if you're wanting money, I don't think it's rude to ask for money instead of gifts okay, I'm gonna circle back to this. If all your guests are lame and like, if all your guests are lame and salty about that, then don't invite them.

Speaker 1 5:51

I don't know okay, don't invite them, don't invite the exes, whatever. Uh, okay, cute snail mail is cute. It's a traditional way of sitting I live under a rock.

Website RSVP System Benefits

Speaker 1 6:02

I mean, I don't know yeah, because it's the 21st century. Here is the best way that I am able to roll it out to help my couples is not by the snail mail version. It is through their wedding website. Have people RSVP through your wedding website. That way the website tracks it. It will tell you their meal choice, if they are bringing a plus one or not. You can edit all of that on your website to be able to say their names If it's a plus one, how many guests are they bringing? Blah, blah, blah. It will import it all into a sheet and so you're able to have it. That will also help you with your seating chart, because it is all written out for you easily. That is. My suggestion is to have it all done through the website. I wanted my wedding invites. I like the hard copy. I'm not saying don't send invites, grace. You send an invite and then you say RSVP on my website, ta-da.

Speaker 2 6:50

Grace and.

Speaker 1 6:51

John 2024. That's all it is. It's not hard, Okay. Okay Then when you do not get those RSVPs back because you have grandparents that don't know how to use your website or how to navigate the World Wide Web which is a real thing, because I have had super sweet people call me directly and ask me to help them RSVP, and then I do it myself as that person's planner, because I also want to know grandparents are going to be there. But that way you are able to then just make simple phone calls. You're able to track it all through your website. You don't have to worry about lost paper. I'm so surprised with how unorganized you are that you were able to keep track of all your hours.

Speaker 1 7:29

Okay, actually, the next episode no, I'm dead serious. No, no, no, no, no, you are not organized. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 7:35

The next episode I'm bringing in my mom's wedding binder that she made I'm sorry whose my mom?

Speaker 1 7:40

She literally so your mom is organized.

Speaker 2 7:45

Yeah, and she literally made me a wedding binder. It had all of their contracts in there, so that was on her and that's why my mom's a saint, so she's the reason my wedding didn't go up in flames.

Speaker 1 7:56

Grace had somebody to be organized for her. See exactly who's your mom.

Speaker 2 8:00

They know better. They know what they're doing. Plus, it was my mom's third wedding. She'd already been with my brother and sister. Oh dude, that could be twisted, because your mom and dad had been married for 35 years. They're the cutest couple ever. I have two older siblings. They already got married before me, so she had already twice been through the whole wedding process and so I was number three. Sorry.

Speaker 1 8:20

Yeah, thank you for that clarification. I know Shout out Okay RSVPs really quick to answer.

Final RSVP Timeline Recommendations

Speaker 1 8:28

I think the question that was actually asked Either sell mail or do the website. How soon should you get those RSVPs? It will all depend on your venue, because your venue, your caterers, your vendors are going to ask for that final guest count. It's going to be in the contract. For my clients it is four weeks prior to wedding, it's about a month out. We want to have it locked in. So I usually tell people have your RSVPs in 45 days prior to the wedding. That way we spend those 15 days between that 30 and 45 day mark calling and contacting those people, getting their yes or no, any details that we don't have. That is the answer, I think, to the question and we're going to wrap it up and that's your Daily Buzz.