Wedding Hive Podcast
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Wedding Hive Podcast
017 - Get To Know Us More Here At The Wedding Hive!
Grace and Kelsey share their contrasting marriage experiences, comparing Grace's first year of marriage with Kelsey's twelve years of marital wisdom, cultural adjustments, and surprise additions to their family.
• Moving in together before marriage and navigating finances as newlyweds
• Kelsey's whirlwind romance: meeting in October, moving in together in November, and marrying in December
• Cultural differences in marriage and gaining acceptance from in-laws
• The challenges of raising children together versus the "easy" part of marriage itself
• Three surprise pregnancies when they thought they were done having children
• The importance of communication, forgiveness, and treating your spouse as your best friend
• Wedding planning stress and breaking out in hives before the big day
• Post-wedding blues and the value of taking a mini-moon right after the wedding
• Couples counseling benefits and applying lessons to strengthen relationships
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Hey queens, Welcome back to another episode of the Wedding Hive podcast. It's your co-host, Grace and Kelsey, and today we are going to be talking a little bit about Kelsey and I. As you guys may or may not know, Kelsey has been married for 12 years and I am just under a year of marriage, so we're going to kind of dive into that and what we've learned. But before we get into that, Kelsey, do you have something you'd like to talk about?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so today's episode is sponsored by Four Carat Vodka. Four Carat Vodka is a delicious Rocky Mountain based vodka company. They have a collector's edition with five different diamond cut tops, so be sure to check them out at fourcaratcom.
Speaker 1:You guys, it's super good. You need to try it.
Speaker 2:We are slowing, we are not not trying it. We are just also in our healthy girl phase and we decided that we are not not trying it. We are just also in our healthy girl phase and we decided that we are not going to drink every single episode.
Speaker 1:Yes, we decided that we need to chill. It's summer I mean, I don't know about you, but summer I'd be drinking too much, but the sun's out by the pool, you know, yes, I, I have to, so we're just taking it. We're taking it chill, we're trying to do a dry July, dry July.
Speaker 2:Dry July. Well see, actually wait when did July start. The first.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, I meant it like that. But I meant like what day of the week? Oh, on last.
Speaker 2:Monday.
Speaker 1:So I should have been more specific.
Speaker 2:You're like. So how the calendar works, how the yearly calendar works. The month starts with one and it ends in 28, 30 or 31 it depends on the month I know it's hard to follow.
Speaker 1:I swear we need to do an episode like are we sorry, the fifth grade? Uh, fifth grader, because I would be so bad I can plan your wedding in my sleep.
Speaker 2:Can I name all 50 states?
Speaker 1:there's no god right I never learned that one song that, like everyone learned as a kid that alabama, arkansas like I never learned that song have you did, you no, but I do know my geography, but math I'm actually not good at any I'm good at history. I like how good you are at sending emails I know, oh god, you guys don't even want to see my emails. I hate grammar. I hate emails.
Speaker 2:This isn't about roasting Grace though.
Speaker 1:Can we get to the episode before I start crying yeah, let's talk about marriage.
Speaker 2:How's your first year of marriage been? Tell me all the tea.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, it's been good. It's been, I think, a lot of ups and downs. We moved in together about a month before we got married. We had lived previously together for, I want to say, three-ish years, so I know a lot of people were shocked. They said you guys are just going to move in right before you get married. So we'd experienced living together before, but it was definitely still a transition and it's been good. We've enjoyed a lot of like little mini vacations and just learning um, being an adult and finances and living on our own again, which is you?
Speaker 1:say that was fun. No, I was saying, I mean the trips were fun, but then you know, learning finances learning finances is not fun for sure.
Speaker 1:Um, and I think just navigating like life together and we both kind of have opposite work schedules right now, so that's been kind of hard and it sucks. But you know, we're just trying to grind right now while we're young and, you know, save up money and get it to where we want to be, buy a house. Eventually we bought a dog, which you guys, if you do not have a dog, his name's Allison. He's a menace to society, but he's made a little baby and eventually real babies. So, you know, just trying to like get to where we want to be. So it's been really good.
Speaker 1:But yeah but with me I only have guys. I don't even have a full year, september, so we're almost there under my belt, but, kelsey, you have 12 years under your belt. What she said she's like do you want to talk about this?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what do you want to know I?
Speaker 1:don't know how have you made 12 years last? What's your biggest piece of advice to anyone? Communication, okay.
Speaker 2:We met in October, we moved in together in November, we got married in December. We met each other's family right after we got married, two weeks after we got married at Christmas. So we showed up at each other's Christmas celebrations and we're like this is my husband and this is my wife.
Speaker 1:How did that go over with your family?
Speaker 2:My family was. They just rolled their eyes and they're like all right, whatever, it's Kelsey.
Speaker 1:They said it's Kelsey, we're used to this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she does crazy things. His family, they smiled at Christmas and it took many years to get accepted into the family. There was a lot. It was very hard Because of the quick timeline, you think the quick timeline, the cultural differences. I don't want to say I had to prove myself but they did not accept me right away. I was not accepted into the family and there were a lot of very tough moments, conversations. There were months that we didn't talk to his side of the family. But now, now even the last maybe eight years, we've had an amazing relationship. I'm really close to his family. We're very tight knit. You're sort of like this now baby.
Speaker 2:Just take some time. Yes, it's a time learning and again, the cultural differences, and I'm very stubborn, so there's a few things that I was like I am not doing that you said the list goes on. Yes, I was like you're out of your mind, if you think, do you?
Speaker 1:think you had a lot of issues with the cultural differences, like in your own marriage, not technically like with his family.
Speaker 2:Marriage, no, but raising kids, yes. There were a lot of things that we wanted to handle different in the early years or even pregnancy postpartum, because there were cultural differences in how we handle certain things. The discipline has been a lot of conversations. The marriage piece has been the easy that's so crazy to say, but the marriage piece has been the easy that's so crazy to say, but the marriage piece has been easy. We love each other, we're best friends. We are best friends before we're husband and wife, and so it makes it like life is fun. I get excited when he comes home, he's excited when I come home. We can hang out, we go out together like we're genuinely each other's best friend, and that comes through like lots of communication, lots of forgiveness, lots of just trying to understand one another and being for one another. So the marriage piece of it has been so much easier than raising kids.
Speaker 2:Raising kids is hard. Raising children is so hard.
Speaker 1:Did you guys have? Obviously you're like very short timeline. Did you discuss any of this stuff before you got married?
Speaker 2:So we came in in a blended family. So I had my two sons and he had a daughter and we I had full custody of the two boys, he had full custody of his daughter. So when we got married we said we were never having kids. If we want to adopt one day we can, but we're not we're. We're essentially a built-in family.
Speaker 1:We have, you already have three we have three kids.
Speaker 2:That's the american status quo. Why would we have more? Well then, we figured out what caused?
Speaker 2:what caused children to be born? Yeah, and we ended up with three. Yeah, so, uh, the first one, like I said, or like our first togetherien, he was an oops. I actually like when we tracked it. This is so funny and I feel I'm sorry for any of the men that are listening, but the first day of my last period was actually my wedding night. Like, I started my period on my wedding day and that is the cycle that tracked his pregnancy.
Speaker 2:So, like my wedding date was like the launching of that baby, so he was a surprise. Our next babe, roman, was a surprise. And our last baby was such a surprise that we were getting ready to go to we were going to attend a wedding. Roman was a year old and we were getting ready to attend a wedding and I was still nursing and I hadn't started my cycle yet, and so I was like I should take a pregnancy test. We're going to a wedding. I had pumped enough to be able to have milk for the baby and again he was one, so he wasn't nursing that much. And I took a pregnancy test, like two hours before walking out the door to this wedding, and it came out positive and I was like oh, three surprises.
Speaker 1:Kelsey, did you forget how children are made? Well, at this point I'm like what is?
Speaker 2:happening. So like wait, we attended this wedding and you know they do champagne and I was like I guess I'm pregnant and like that's how casual and crazy. This was like I had to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I found out like two hours ago.
Speaker 2:I'm pregnant, so that's okay, we're I guess we're doing it turn for the night and then go into the doctor doctor's office for, like, my first prenatal appointment. And you know how far along are you? I have no idea. And they we did an ultrasound and confirmed it was a boy because I was already into my second trimester. So I've been pregnant for months and had no idea. So boy because I was already into my second trimester, so I had been pregnant for months and had no idea.
Speaker 1:What that actually happened to one of my girlfriends. She just the same thing, I would say, maybe about to be in her second trimester, and she's like, oh, I guess I'm pregnant and I'm just like what, how did you not know? Yeah, I'm just like that's crazy to me.
Speaker 2:No idea, but they're like well, it's a boy and I'm like I wouldn't expect it to be anything else I've only produced five boys. So, um, but it was funny because Tomas lost it. My husband was like are you kidding? We're pregnant again. And I'm like why is this shock you? Why are we having this argument? You said you know what we did.
Speaker 1:Yes, like you were there too.
Speaker 2:But so the youngest is eight and he is the. He is like the light of our life, he is the baby to a T. But my whole point in sharing all of that is raising kids has been the hardest part of marriage, um, and it doesn't get easier as they get older, because like right now we're navigating the teen years, our oldest is driving and so he wants to have a little more freedom for him.
Speaker 2:I want to hold the rope in tighter. We're looking at colleges for our oldest. All of these parenting things are still the hardest part of marriage. Oh yeah, wow, and don't get me wrong. We've had, we've had major bumps, and we've had, we've had issues, and you know, finances are not always easy. And do we get a dog or do we not get a dog? I would like to keep my Nala. I know he would like Nala to run away.
Speaker 1:So, you know, but yeah, I love that you're in your, your guys's relationship, so sweet and like, uh, you know where you guys were to. Where you are now is just like crazy. I like what you said. I totally think to the first year of marriage, just really, um, communication, you know, you would think I feel like there's always you can always improve on communication, no matter what you know. And then to, um, like you said, forgiveness, like you're always learning your partner, like there's things that are going to happen that it's just you know it's. You're going to have to learn to forgive your partner whether they do something that might hurt you or maybe something you didn't like. You know it's just having that open communication and that ability to forgive your partner.
Speaker 2:So and if it's an ongoing issue yeah, there's a difference.
Speaker 1:If it's like yeah. If it's like okay, time and time again, 100 I totally agree.
Speaker 2:But you know, do some counseling, have those conversations, don't get walked all over. Oh, that's not what we're saying. But don't holding a grudge and resentment is forever. It's not gonna make a healthy relationship, yeah it just, yeah, all it does is build resentment.
Speaker 1:And then it's just you know, you at least in my opinion, and me and john it's always been we're together forever. You're not leaving me. So, whatever it is we have to do to figure this out and, you know, be there for each other and make it work. That's what we're gonna do. And, um, how do you feel about like couples counseling and like or like couples therapy? Did you ever do that? Or how do you feel about couples counseling or couples therapy? Did you ever do that, or how do you feel about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did couples counseling. With my first relationship, my field engagement, we did couples counseling and that was fantastic. There's actually a lot of things that I learned in that that I was able to apply to my marriage.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're like the one that's successful, yeah it's so weird to say, but we learned so much good stuff in that counseling session that it like, went into my current marriage. So, um and Tomas and I have done counseling. We've done it together and we've done it separate. Um, it's been a lot of years since we did it, but the timing that we did it was so necessary, um, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Speaker 1:Me either. I think everyone has like their own separate you know I mean issue sounds bad, but you know issues, traumas, and you know. Then you're coming together with someone and sometimes you just don't see eye to eye on certain things and you know we've never done anything like that, you know, but always kind of what you said almost where when you did do it it was just that necessary point of like, okay, we need to do this. So we've always talked about like, if we ever get to that point, you know, if that's something we have to do, I wouldn't be against it and I also don't think anyone should be ashamed. If you go to counseling.
Speaker 1:I think you, you and your partner, grow up different. I know me and John have had many disagreements just because he grew up so much different than I did. You know he grew up with a big family with siblings close in age. I didn't. My oldest brother was out by the time I was a junior in high school. So we've definitely had to try to like learn to navigate that and how that works.
Speaker 1:But I love him, so that's all that matters at the end of the day.
Speaker 2:Yes, Talk to me about wedding planning it. The emotions yes, oh my gosh Post wedding blues.
Speaker 1:I know they're real, they really are. Wedding planning was honestly good for me up until like two months before the wedding. I I've talked to him a little bit on this before but yeah, I was like breaking out in hives like every day for like two months leading up and I think it's just a genuine stress of this big day that you've like spent so much time and you know money on planning and um. But I wouldn't have done any differently. I'm happy we had the wedding. I know a lot of people don't think you should spend money on weddings, but I'm glad we did it. Planning process was pretty easy in the sense that we took almost two years to plan our wedding, so we had like so much time to make decisions. You know, chop up money, payments for stuff. So that's what I would suggest. If you're, you know, stressed about the money aspect of it, just book your wedding out further. I mean, at the end of the day it's just going to make it easier for you and not as stressful, I think, but yeah, it was a great planning process. Stressful I think, but yeah, it was a great planning process. I did do it myself or being my mom, and I am going to bring on my binder that my mom made one day. I want to bring that on because she definitely helped me a lot.
Speaker 1:If you're planning your wedding and don't have a planner, love John, but I mean he did help plan a little bit, but it was, you know, and I think that's how most weddings are. It's you know, the guys are just, you know it's not their thing. The girls plan the wedding and they, you know they'll help make decisions where they need to. But definitely have another person that's there with you, whether that's your mom, a close friend, maybe someone who's in the wedding industry that you trust to help make the planning process easier, because it's a lot.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I definitely the post wedding blues are so real. If you're a bride and groom and you feel them, it's so real. Again, all this amped up time to finally have the day and then it's over. So it is one day. But and I would also suggest too, if you, one of my favorite things about our wedding and it wasn't even part of our wedding was me and John decided for our honeymoon. We were going to wait a year and do a big year of honeymoon, which I'm going on in two months and I can't wait.
Speaker 1:So if you're wanting to do a big honeymoon, just like, if it's, you know the like I just said with the wedding planning, you know, take a year or two years, plan it. If you want to do it and you want to go all out, I say, do it. So for his wedding gift he had no idea I planned a mini moon after our wedding and I surprised him on our rehearsal day, so the day before our wedding, and he had no idea. And we went to San Diego for three days and then did a day at Disney and came home and, um, it was so fun.
Speaker 1:So I, if you, I just knew in my heart I was like, if we get married and don't go do anything, I'm going to just be sad about it, because you really do have that high energy feel for like probably a week or two after the wedding and then I mean it does fade away.
Speaker 1:You know the wedding's over, you go back to normal life, you go to work. So I just was like I don't want to miss out on that moment after the marital bliss and you know, enjoy, just us two. So I definitely would suggest, if you can afford it, to do a mini moon, yep, even if it's, even if it's like one night at a nice hotel or something I'm not saying, you know, we went for four days, so that's a little bit longer but even if you can do a night at a nice hotel or go for just a friday, saturday trip, I think you should do that or even if you lock yourself at home and take time off work or not even go back to work spend time together and decompress and share all the moments and not jump back into normal life yeah, I remember that was the best part.
Speaker 1:The next day, we're just laying on the couch looking all the photos and pictures and just, you know, reminiscing, and be like, oh my gosh, it's the best night ever. So, um, and yeah, if you want to do, I'm doing a big honeymoon to europe. We're going to london, italy and, uh, spain.
Speaker 2:So I'm very excited about that and I think it's going to be worth it and I cannot wait that'll be so fun and I'm excited all righty well now you guys know a little bit more about us yeah, it was fun chatting, I know, and be sure to follow us on all of our social media platforms TikTok, instagram, wedding Hive and we will see you next week. Bye.