Wedding Hive Podcast
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Wedding Hive Podcast
The Marry-Me-Or-Else Dilemma: Romantic Gesture or Toxic Demand?
We tackle the controversial topic of marriage ultimatums and whether the "marry me or it's over" approach is romantic or toxic in relationships.
• Personal experiences with setting marriage expectations after five years in a relationship
• The significance of marriage as a next step versus just being in a committed relationship
• Comparison of title progressions from dating to exclusive to engaged to married
• Marriage expectations influenced by seeing parents in long-lasting marriages
• The potential toxicity of ultimatums in already unhealthy relationships
• How ultimatums can lead to reluctant proposals and unchanged problematic behaviors
• The distinction between harsh ultimatums and setting healthy boundaries
• Alternative approaches to timeline discussions without using the word "ultimatum"
• Valid reasons for delaying marriage including career goals and financial considerations
• The importance of communication and compromise regarding relationship progression
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Hey Queens, welcome back to another episode of the Daily Buzz. Today we are talking about a controversial topic. We're going to talk about the ultimatum the marry me or it's over. Is that romantic or is it toxic?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a tough one. I think that one is so big on situation-wise and how long you've been together or your circumstances on situation wise and how long you've been together or your circumstances like me and my husband. I was definitely not an ultimatum spot, but it was kind of like, okay, like we talked about it and, you know, went ring, shopping and stuff. But I was kind of like you better hurry up, because it's been five years, like, and we've talked about it and we did get engaged so and married now. But I think I don't know when it's like so long and you still haven't gotten a ring, I just like I would be like ultimatum, like either we're getting married or like I'm out what's okay.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to play devil's advocate, but but what is the? If you're in a committed relationship, the two of you, what is why? And you are committed to one another. What does marriage? Is it the verbiage? Is it you calling them your husband? I don't think it's them and your wife Like why is marriage so important if you're in this committed relationship?
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's just like anyone's opinion. Like what's the point of like being together and then like making someone your girlfriend? Like why is that? It's just like a title. Now You're still in a committed relationship, so it's just like, okay, let's take the next step, which is being a fiance and then being husband and wife. I just don't see the point in being together with someone and like not getting married. And maybe that's just like me. Like I grew up with parents who've been together for 35 plus years and I was like I want the marriage and that's what's important to me. So I was kind of like you know, in my opinion, I think I don't know, I don't know the sweet spot Like if I was with someone like more than five plus years and I still don't have a ring, I would definitely get them an ultimatum okay a hundred percent um, I'm watching Love Island UK right now and it's almost done.
Speaker 1:And when you made the comment about like boyfriend, girlfriend to marriage, yeah, like they go exclusive and then they're like they're like can I believe for a chat, will you be my, can we go exclusive? And then will you be my boyfriend and we're like sitting there kind of laughing because I'm like man. They've been together for five seconds, yeah, but also I'm like maybe it's because I've been married so long, I don't even know.
Speaker 2:How do you ask to be your?
Speaker 1:boyfriend. So back to it. I agree with marriage. I think marriage is important. I don't feel like the relationship change. It should change much from the we are dating and then a committed relationship to we are married and in a committed relationship. I think there's this like this smoky mirror when you get married and now all of a sudden you're my husband and I expect this from you, and you're my wife and I expect this from you. Like I think healthy relationships with being married or being together, like they kind of, should trend the same that I see in early marriage lots of issues because now you slap a name on it, you know a title, and the expectation changes. I would absolutely hate to be in a situation where I had to give an ultimatum. I do think ultimatums are kind of toxic, maybe because the ultimatums that I've dealt with in the industry have been in very toxic situations.
Speaker 2:Like what toxic? Like the relationship toxic, or like the.
Speaker 1:The relationship is unhealthy. She gave the ultimatum. He said, fine, we'll get married. His, his lifestyle has not changed. She is in planning mode, so everything is rainbows and butterflies and he still is not good to her. And then they get married, and then they get pregnant. And now they're getting a divorce Because his behaviors didn't change, because she gave this ultimatum. So he was forced into this ultimatum of fine, I'll marry you. Because she is feeling like you're not taking the next steps.
Speaker 2:I feel like you should just walk away. Then she yes, if they should have never.
Speaker 2:The ones that I've seen should have walked away well, there's like a certain ultimate, like yes, I agree with ultimatum, like to a certain extent, but like also like gross and balls. Like if you're not, like cannot change, and like you're not going to be able to give her what you want then or what she wants then. It should have been a see you later. Like I think there's non-toxic ultimatums that are understandable. Or I think sometimes ultimatums like a little too intensive a word.
Speaker 2:I think there's a healthy boundary and a time where you should be able to come and be like okay, like we're at this certain point we've been together for four or five plus years. Like is it going to be marriage? If not, then like maybe we should reconsider and like walk away or do you actually want to get married? I think is a better way to go about it than because once you say ultimatum, then it's just like fuck. You know, yeah, I can't see the pressures of being like okay, like now I'm going to lose this person. Like now I'm pressured to like do it and make it happen. Like so quickly.
Speaker 1:So I don't know what the next steps are. Yeah, like there should be some ebb and flow, I I do think if they're like healthy relationships in those conversations, hey, we're going to stay together, but we both have a very big career dream which is going to require years of schooling. You know different programs. So we're going to like we're working together to go take those next steps into the future and marriage is going to wait until we've made those. You know, we've achieved those goals with school or um our careers and then get married. But there's that open communication, yeah, and that's not toxic.
Speaker 2:I'm also down for, like, like you said, if it's oh, we're doing a career or you know we don't really have the time to plan, or, like you know, pay for a wedding or something, even just like a ring, it doesn't have to be like anything crazy, like that would just, in my in that situation, would make me happy in my end, if that makes sense, you know, like a promise ring yeah, like a promise ring or something like you know what the ultimate goal is, like that we're gonna get there to marriage, but right now that's just not in the cards for us.
Speaker 2:Instead of pulling like the ultimatum card, I think that can work really good too all right, that is your daily buzz.