Wedding Hive Podcast
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Wedding Hive Podcast
030 - Protecting Your Peace: Mental Health, Boundaries, And Joy During Holiday Wedding Planning
We explore how holiday stress collides with wedding planning and share practical ways to protect your mental health. Boundaries, rest days, partner check-ins, and smart family dynamics keep the joy while trimming the chaos.
• holiday pressure, engagement expectations, budget shocks
• setting boundaries and using a one-line response
• choosing rest days and simple movement for mental health
• avoiding social media comparison and curate your feed
• therapy and premarital counseling as communication tools
• delegating tasks to friends, family, and planners
• creating a small decision circle to reduce conflict
• de-escalation tactics and secret signals at gatherings
• year-end reflection, gratitude, and putting marriage first
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Hey Queens, welcome back to the Wedding Hive Podcast. I'm Kelsey, your co-host, wedding planner, logistic queen, and your friendly reminder to hydrate before every vendor meeting.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm your co-host, Grace, wedding content creator and digital storyteller.
SPEAKER_00:Today we are talking about something that doesn't get enough attention: mental health during the holidays and how it plays into your wedding planning.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, Kelsey, the holidays are already, I feel like, very emotional, and then add wedding planning on top. And suddenly I feel like the joy and stress are holding hands right under the mistletoe.
SPEAKER_00:That is the perfect way to describe it. Um, so today we will be unpacking why this time of year can feel so heavy, how to protect your peace, and some practical tips to keep your head and heart steady while planning.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and if you're sipping cocoa under half-finished DIY projects and open Pinterest tabs, this episode is gonna be perfect for you.
SPEAKER_00:Grace, I would love to be sipping cocoa, but the high is 95 degrees.
SPEAKER_01:You guys, Arizona is killing us. I'm such a summer girl, but oh my gosh, I cannot believe it is November 1st on Saturday. And like Kelsey just said, the high is 95 today.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, there's no hot cocoa for us. We're still drinking iced cocoa.
SPEAKER_01:We're still drinking iced coffee year round, and even probably in November and December, I'll still be drinking iced coffee.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I do not see my flip-flops taking um a bathroom. We don't take a break in the closet to pull out the tennis shoes because it is just how it is.
SPEAKER_01:It's how it is here, but that's okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so let's get started with the holidays themselves. They're marketed as the perfect, joyful time, but they can also stir up a lot of family tension, financial stress, or grief.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. Um, I feel like I see it time again online. Couples feel like pressured to be happy, you know, 24-7, even when you're overwhelmed. And if you're newly engaged, the spotlight just is it's right on you. Especially actually, I want to ask you a question. Do you think it's cringe to get engaged on a holiday?
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Do you?
SPEAKER_01:I I wouldn't say I would use the word cringe. I think I would just say I wouldn't want it to take away from my spotlight of getting engaged. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. I don't love the birthday proposals or I don't know. I just feel like that's that day, and then I'd want my own day.
SPEAKER_00:So I love that families are able to come together and having everybody there, and I think it saves money on an engagement party because you're everybody's like there for Christmas. A little two for one special. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Honestly, that's kind of smart though, low-key. I don't even think about that. Yeah, but then you already have everyone there.
SPEAKER_00:And everyone's there and all of your loved ones are there, and they get to experience the proposal with you. I'm here for it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, I think it's cute. I wouldn't say cringe, I just don't know if it's my favorite.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but I will agree with you. Um, the spotlight is on couples around the holidays because the big questions come when is the date? Who is invited? It's like a pop quiz for your wedding planning when you're still just trying to grasp the fact that you got your floral quotes and their$5,000 over budget.
SPEAKER_01:Oh god. I know now that I think about it, that was me because we got engaged November 12th, and then right after was Thanksgiving, Christmas. So it was when's the wedding? When's this? When's that? And you know, it's all in good, I think, good company, good faith, or what how would you say that? Um it's not malicious. I think everyone just excited, but it does get overwhelming when it's again and again and again. So if you're around a couple or family member who's recently engaged, maybe keep the questions to a minimum. Yeah. So you don't have to go into full planning mode already. Um, but uh just like you said, um, and it's okay if you're not in the full holiday magic mode, you can be grateful and still be exhausted.
SPEAKER_00:So um preach literally because we are getting ready to start our Halloween. I mean, Halloween's in three days um from the time of filming this, and my kids, I still need to go get them costumes.
SPEAKER_01:But I need to get my kid a costume.
SPEAKER_00:I know. Dallas is gonna be so. I'm gonna dress Nala up as a dragon. Stop.
SPEAKER_01:I love that. And then we're thinking T-Rex because he still doesn't stop biting. No, nice. He needs to just be a dinosaur because I'm like, that's what you are. Sure.
SPEAKER_00:He is. But going back to holidays and the wedding, just FYI, you do not owe anyone your consistent availability. You do not owe anyone your calendar, your energy, or your answers. It's okay to say, um, we're still working through it. We don't haven't finalized details, or we are it is okay to say, um, I don't have an answer for you right now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, or that you're not that step yet. Or a lot of people, I feel like nowadays really want that long engagement and to enjoy that stage. Yes. Cause then it's it's literally as soon as you book that day, then you are in full-fledged wedding planning. And I feel like then that's when the real stress comes on. So I feel like a lot of people are trying to like enjoy that engagement period, and then that way they're mentally prepared to take this beast on, which is wedding planning. Yes. So remember too, you can always just create small moments that fill you up, your couple, you know, whether it's you and your, you know, fiance doing date night, baking cookies, maybe it's just skipping the party and just staying home and enjoying quality time with your fiance.
SPEAKER_00:I love that. Yes, make time for the two of you.
SPEAKER_01:Um, I think we let's segue into our next spot. Um, colliding with holidays and wedding planning. Um I think I just can't imagine like full-fledged planning or getting married during the holiday time, you know, around the holidays. I think it would be a lot to take on and travel and stuff. So, Kelsey, you want to get into it?
SPEAKER_00:Um, yes, it is a beautiful idea in theory. Um, you think I have extra time off work, I'm gonna get things done. Um, the reality is the holidays are already full. And not to go on a side tangent, my husband and I's anniversary is December 14th. And so we are a wedding, we are a Christmas wedding couple, however you want to word it. We always thought I I love Christmas weddings, and we'll get into that into our Christmas episode in a few weeks. Um, but we did not know when we got married that we would also be having a child in the month of December, a few years down the road. So um, our youngest son, his birthday is December 18th, and so our anniversary is the 14th, his birthday is the 18th, and Christmas is the 25th, and the month of December is absolute chaos for us um because we celebrate our, we honestly celebrate our anniversary usually like in July, because you're like six months later. Yes, we uh don't really go above and beyond for our anniversary because that is just a crazy time, but that was my random tangent.
SPEAKER_01:No, but I feel that because it's my birthday, and then John's is two weeks later, and we're both in November, and then it's Christmas, and then now our dog's birthday, Dallas's birthday is two days before mine. Oh man. So I have Thanksgiving, and it's it can be a lot. And John always jokes, Oh, let's have a November baby. And I said, Hell to the no.
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_01:I said, We already got enough going on, exactly. Just our two birthdays alone, and now our dog. I'm like, no, it's gonna be way too much. I agree. So, you know, and just like you were talking about, it's a beautiful idea in theory. Um, but then sometimes those holidays turn into a QA session, you know, can I bring my boyfriend to the wedding? I don't like your color palette that you're picking. So, what would you suggest for our couples?
SPEAKER_00:Um, my advice is set boundaries early. You and your partner can decide together what is up for discussion and what is off limits. As long as you two go in on the same page, you will be able to rally together and away from all of the questions.
SPEAKER_01:And just like we talked about, you know, you could create, you know, that one answer question if anyone's trying to get information about the wedding planning, you know, like we're just enjoying the season of life right now. And, you know, we'll talk about it in January after the beginning of the year.
SPEAKER_00:So yes, boundaries are kindness to yourself and to others. And if you're trying to knock out planning tasks during the season, block off intentional rest days.
SPEAKER_01:No, literally. Um, I would say too, um, you know, just focus on, you know, not worrying about the Pinterest worthy and you know, worrying about your fairy tale and how everything's gonna go and just like enjoy every, you know, moment that you have. And I think too, like the holidays are supposed to be fun and you know, you want to enjoy family time. So just leave the wedding planning till after the holidays. It's too much.
SPEAKER_00:It's such a good reminder. Sometimes peace looks like unplugging and and not posting. I know. So take a break from those things. But let's get practical. What are some tangible ways couples can take care of their mental health right now?
SPEAKER_01:Um, I think the biggest thing, in my opinion, would be just having that open communication with your partner. I mean, at the end of the day, they're your sidekick, your go-to, the person that's gonna be there to, you know, advocate for each other. Um, maybe just do even like a weekly check-in um about things that are on the to-do list, you know, and ask to like how you're feeling about everything, because the wedding planning process can be a lot and very stressful. And it's if you're not on the same page and don't communicate, I feel like that's when a lot of arguments or maybe you know disagreements might come up during the wedding planning process, is if you don't communicate your feelings and how everything's going. And a lot of the times the brides are pretty much the one who plan the wedding, so which is fine. So, grooms, if you're listening, you know, just be there to help support and um be that, you know, listening ear for your bride to be.
SPEAKER_00:I love that. And honestly, um, dedicate one planning free day a week with no spread sheets, no vendor calls. Just live your life to be able to enjoy the holidays.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And then, you know, just also think about um to make sure, obviously, in the holidays, it is the fun time to eat all the treats and the desserts. I don't know about you. I love a sugar cookie. I love it.
SPEAKER_00:And you calling me out for the four bags of cookies I'm gonna do. I wasn't gonna say anything.
SPEAKER_01:I was keeping my mouth shut. No, we were talking about you had a like, okay, so Kelsey had like four different bags open, but it was all different stuff. Like there was cookies and then there was like chips, and I'm the same way.
SPEAKER_00:I need fruit snacks.
SPEAKER_01:I like I need a little bit of everything.
SPEAKER_00:It was it was a good planning meeting, and my my tummy said, I needed food.
SPEAKER_01:No, literally, you're like, my food um intake, I need that now. Correct. Um, so yeah, just make sure you're also eating healthy meals and not just the sugar because we forget sometimes.
SPEAKER_00:And public service announcement the science does not lie. Moving your body, even if it's just a 10-minute walk together, can reset your brain chemistry. Um, this is it's so nice to just step away, take a walk, just get some movement to help refocus and not be overly stressed.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I like that too. I've been trying to get better with making sure, like, even if I don't go to the gym walking my dog every morning, so you just have that like 10, 15 minutes of you know, peace and moving your body is always good. Sometimes it can just be hard to forget and it's good for your mental health. So 100 and the sunshine too. Obviously, we're lucky, we live in Arizona. It's still, I don't know about lucky, but we always have sunshine. It's nice to get outside, get that vitamin D, and just like soak it up. Um, and then two, also I want to talk about on the, you know, on the content side. Um, you know, don't ever compare your wedding journey to someone else's highlighted reel or maybe what you see on social media. Um, because don't get me wrong, it can look beautiful, but you know, you're only seeing so many minutes or snippet clips of what's actually going on. And what they want you to see. Oh, yeah, a hundred percent. It's always, you know, and I think too, and we've talked about this, it's hard also with seeing celebrities get married and stuff, and it's just this big elaborate event, and they're getting married in Italy and yada yada, and it's you get that feeling of I think like pressure, maybe kind of too, of just thinking, oh wow, well, their wedding's so extravagant. And it's like you don't know the back end too. They could be going into credit card debt, they could be doing so much more that you're not seeing. So don't let a curated social media post or what people are also posting, I think dim your light or enjoyment during the wedding planning process.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. I feel like I rambled.
SPEAKER_01:I hope that made sense.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, because real weddings and real relationships have messy moments too.
SPEAKER_01:Mm-hmm. And if you're really struggling, um, I think too, and we've talked about this, and we're actually, should I let them know what we're potentially wanting to do in the beginning?
SPEAKER_00:It's gonna come.
SPEAKER_01:So, should I like talk about it then?
SPEAKER_00:No, not yet.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, okay. We decided to keep it a secret. Um, but also just something that is good for your mental health. And if you are able to, um, I think therapy is great. Um, it's not a weakness. Um, it can also help maintain your relationship with your partner, or I know a lot of people do like couples premarital counseling. And I actually really love that. I wish John and I might have done that. I mean, like we've been together for so long, but I think it's I think it could be a good, like, strong building block in the beginning before you get married.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. Many couples who go through through premarital counseling say it was the best investment they made. They have even said that it was not the venue or the dress, but it was learning how to communicate under stress with one another is one of the best parts of their engagement.
SPEAKER_01:I love that. Um, and also, too, a big thing don't be afraid to ask for help. It is not a weakness, let people help you. Um, it's a big undertaking. I already know if I didn't even if I didn't even have my mom, I know my wedding would not have been planned. She had a binder, everything organized, and she was just the best to help me keep everything together. So I would say have that close person to you, a wedding planner, ask for help because it's a lot.
SPEAKER_00:Let your maid of honor chase those RSVPs. A family member handle transportation, it because you cannot pour from an empty cup.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, I totally agree. Um, let's hop into our next segment talking about family and social dynamics during wedding planning. Ooh, our favorite. Yeah, so let's address the family factor. Um, because I feel like for a lot of couples, that's where the stress really lives during wedding planning.
SPEAKER_00:So true. Every family has an opinion about the guest list, the ceremony, the color scheme. My biggest advice is decide as a couple who actually gets to put their input in and which ones can go to the side.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I agree. I think making almost what I guess you could get like call a decision circle of only those inside that circle get to vote or help make decisions because what is it? What is it saying? Why am I so bad at these? When you have too many chefs in the kitchen or something, too many cooks in the kitchen. Too many cooks in the kitchen. Yeah. I took it like to the little world. I'm like, the chefs in the kitchen. When you have too many cooks in the kitchen, it's always leads to disaster. Correct. So just have that small circle of who's helping to make inputs and decide what goes forward, essentially.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. And remember, boundaries are not rejection. You can love your family deeply and still say, we've got it covered.
SPEAKER_01:Mm-hmm. Yeah. Cause I think people or like couples, brides, grooms, sometimes they let the guilt of saying no get to them. And it just don't let it. It's worth protecting your peace, even if you might feel a little bit guilty. Um, I've talked about this when I did my wedding planning and almost, I guess, like a decision circle, but having certain people be part of certain aspects of the wedding, you know, and helping them make decisions or, you know, bringing my in-laws and my parents both to the food tasting. So like they got to be a part of stuff. Don't feel like you have to have everyone a part of every single decision because it's just not going to end well.
SPEAKER_00:Yep. I I love that. And if a conversation gets too tense during the holidays, make sure that you tag team it, have one partner change a subject, or you both can step out for fresh air.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Another thing that I think is a good idea is maybe have a secret word, emoji that's kind of symbol, a symbol, something saying, like, hey, this conversation needs to like stop, or we need to change a subject that way. You don't want that awkward, you know, out face saying we don't want to talk about this. So it could be a good little tip.
SPEAKER_00:I would tell you what my emoji is, but I can't tell you what my emoji is. No, it's not bad, but then you would know it.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, T.
SPEAKER_00:I'm gonna tell John when I get trying to get away from you.
SPEAKER_01:You said so there's one for you, getting away from you. It's all specific from you, work, um, the kids. Exactly. Honestly, I think mine would just be a glass of wine, emoji. I'd be like, that's just like the I need to go relax. I need the wine.
SPEAKER_00:I think I would be handed a glass of wine.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, or that works too. I'll be like, either I'll send the emoji of wine if there's no wine around. And then if I say I need a glass of wine, that means go get me wine and change the subjects. I love it. Perfect teamwork. Okay. Um, let's go to the next um topic: year and reflection and self-compassion. Um, just remember as the year wraps up, it's easy to focus on what's not done. But be sure to give yourself that that little gold star and pause and celebrate what you've accomplished so far.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. Planning a wedding while balancing work, life, and the holidays is no smart thing, small thing. So give yourself some grace and some credit.
SPEAKER_01:You know. Um, just remember like your worth is not measured and how productive you are. But at the end of the day, although this is your wedding and it's all about enjoying it and having a party, um, you're really building a marriage. So that always needs to come first.
SPEAKER_00:Beautifully said, Grace. Stop it. So sweet. Take some time to slow down, rest, and reconnect. The spreadsheet can wait for you. Your peace cannot.
SPEAKER_01:And that's on period.
SPEAKER_00:So