Wedding Hive Podcast

035 - Pick People Who Lift You Up And Keep The Peace

• Wedding Hive • Episode 35

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We share a clear plan to choose a bridal party without guilt, set expectations that prevent drama, and handle hurt feelings with grace. From mixed gender roles to budget talks and heartfelt asks, we focus on building a team that lifts you up for the long haul.

• defining size, style, and symmetry preferences
• choosing mixed gender roles that reflect real life
• setting clear support and financial expectations
• deciding who truly earns a spot
• avoiding obligation picks and guilt
• handling disappointment with honest, short talks
• offering meaningful alternative roles
• asking the right way and celebrating the yes

Be sure to follow us on Instagram, TikTok, check out our YouTube channel, subscribe, and we'll see you guys next week for our next episode


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SPEAKER_01:

Hey queens, welcome back to another episode of the Wedding Have Podcast. Today we're going to be talking about something that is very tricky, and that is how to pick your bridal party without hurting feelings or losing your mind. Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. Obviously, this is a hot topic when it comes to weddings if you are having a bridal party. So we are going to take you step by step on how to choose your bridal party, ways to avoid hurt feelings, and all that fun stuff. So before you start thinking about anyone else's reactions, get clear on exactly what you want to envision for your bridal party. Ask yourself how big do you want your bridal party to be? This decides really everything if you think about it. Do you want, do you prefer a big, fun, hype squad group or something that you maybe want more intimate, maybe just one or two people? I myself only had four bridesmaids because I did not want the big elaborate party. And remember too, also that if you aren't paying for all of your bridesmaids and or groomsmen stuff, this is a big commitment to another person. So keep that in mind. Another thing, do you want mixed gender roles? Um, you know, if you think about it nowadays when bridal parties um used to be only just a single gender, now a lot of people are having a man of honor, best woman, flower grandmas. I love those.

SPEAKER_00:

I love the flower grandmas.

SPEAKER_01:

If you don't maybe have um a niece or someone who's important to in your life that you want to do a flower girl, I think that's a fun way to incorporate um grandmas. Um, all of those of which, of course, are totally valid. Um, a big thing I think that a lot of brides don't think of are what level of support are you expecting from these people in your bridal party? Um, I think that's a lot of times where feelings can get hurt or there's misunderstandings during the planning process. So just make sure you have a straight up idea of what you're expecting from your bridal party, whether that's a lot or a little. Um, you know, some bridal parties are hands-on, the showers, bachelorettes, DIY nights. Um, and some people maybe you want relaxed and low maintenance. Um, another one too is how important is symmetry to you? Um, this was a big thing for us. My husband had more groomsmen than he wanted, or more people than I had on my side. So we came to a compromise and we had the number that I wanted. So um, but you know, talk to your fiance, whoever, you know, and decide are you guys wanting it symmetrical? Is that important to you? Do you not care? Um, you know, just like I I said, my husband, I think, wanted like six or seven grows men, and I was like, I want four. So um, and that way you can still make sure the ceremony looks beautiful no matter what the numbers are. So um I feel like once you have clarity on all these few points that we just hit, um, it's gonna make the choices become way easier.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. Yep. And next is you are gonna have to think through who deserves a spot. Yes, choosing your bridal party is emotional, but here are some helpful guidelines as you navigate who is going to be in your bridal party and who is going to be a guest. So pick people who genuinely make your life better. People who support you, cheer you on, lift you up, and bring calm instead of chaos is huge. Um, you also want to pick somebody who will show up. It's not just about the wedding day, but also through the planning process. Like Grace said, there are some parties, gathering, bachelorette parties. Um, if you're DIYing any of anything, if it is um decor or it's signs, you want a team of people who are gonna show up and be available. You also want to pick people you are not going to regret having in those photos forever. Yes. In 20 years, do you still want this person standing next to you in the big framed photo hanging over your mantle? That is a real question.

SPEAKER_01:

And this is something we actually just had a bride send us a DM about kind of having a situation like this, um, you know, needing help with where to go from where she was at, a point with, you know, this bridesmaid and not feeling like she was getting the job done or being helpful. So make sure that this is someone you can count on. Um, and not only that, I did tell her that is this someone you're gonna want to have your photos in for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00:

So exactly. And you do not need to feel obligated, you do not owe anyone a spot. Um, just because you were in their wedding, your mother said they need to be, they expect to, or you were childhood friends. This is your wedding, it is not a diplomatic committee, so do not feel obligated to bring anybody in that you do not want in. And lastly, you do not want to choose your bridal party out of guilt or any pressure. Yes, kindness matters, but guilt shouldn't make the decision.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a big one.

SPEAKER_00:

I know.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like, yeah, so many brides and I mean, even probably grooms too, feel guilty because of how long they've known people, or you know, your mom's like, you should have them. Remember, said it and we'll beat this dead horse forever. It's your wedding day, not theirs. So just be mindful when you are choosing the bridal party. Um, next thing we're gonna talk about is what if someone gets their feelings hurt? Um, I think just as we said, people have them and their bridal party out of guilt and pressure and feeling bad. Um, it's I think a fear everyone has. There's, you know, disappointment, there can be awkwardness, tension. Um, so we're gonna talk about how to kind of handle it gracefully. Um, one, just have an honest um and gentle conversation. Um, you know, the worst thing you want is to come off standoff ish, or because tensions might feel weird. Um, you know, just always try to keep it lighthearted, you know, like I love you so much. Um, you know, while we're keeping the bridal party small, you're still an important part of our celebration. Um, we've talked about this too. You can offer a special role, um, guest book attendant, maybe having them read, you know, a passage from the Bible. A lot of people do this during the ceremony. You can do ushers, honorary bridesmaids. Um, I think at the end of the day, small roles can mean a lot just as much as the bridesmaids and groomsmen. And just like I talked about, I don't think the title sounds fun, but a lot of people don't understand how much goes into it actually being a committed bridesmaid to groomsman. The money aspect, if you're needing, you know, help for decorations, the bachelorette parties, there's honestly a lot to go into it. Um, of course, just make sure to be firm but kind. Um, I think too, also, you really don't need to defend your decision like you're on a jury trial. Um, I think if anything, just short loving explanations can just go a long way. Um, don't over-explain it. Keep it short and simple. Um, because I think a lot of times overexplaining can just cause more hurt than less you think that you're like, oh, if I overexplain it or this and that. Um, but it just I think it makes people's minds just keep going. So keep her short and sweet. Um and remember, some people might be disappointed, and that's okay. Um, their feelings belong to them and not you. So um, this is your wedding day. And you know, feelings are gonna get hurt along the way during the wedding planning process, I promise, whether they're big or small. So um just be prepared for that.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. Everybody is entitled to their feelings. Um, we cannot tell people how to feel, and 100% they are allowed to feel the way they feel, and you are allowed to have your feelings. So let's talk about the fun part. How to ask your bridal party the right way. Yes. So decide whether whether you want to do a proposal gift, cute boxes, personalized items, a simple heartfelt note are all valid. Do not feel pressured to spend money if you do not want to. You can ask the person um in person, if possible. Um, adding the sweetest, um, just message, think through what you're gonna say um in emotions. You you can't get through texts. So, really just having a one-on-one conversation with somebody, um, kindly asking them goes a long way. That will forever be a core memory in their memory bank. So um make sure that you're being clear with your expectations, let them know up front if you are planning a destination, bachelorette party, multiple pre-wedding events, some of those DI night DIY nights, um, or if there's any requirements, um, if they're minimal requirements or major requirements, even that financial side, if you're gonna be asking them to purchase um their bridesmaid's dress, uh, the suits, hair and makeup, things like that, um, it can help them decide if they can commit. And you want to make sure you're having those conversations in the beginning because that will help you long term. And then you will definitely want to celebrate with them. Make it a moment, even if it's small, um, hugs, cheering, a glass of wine, pop a bottle of champagne, have some good mock tails, whatever it is. Make sure that you celebrate that you have officially chosen your bridal party. Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

I love that. That moment's like so special and it's so fun. I did um proposal boxes, and honestly, I get where people are coming with. I feel like there's social media and it's like, oh, we have to do this big elaborate proposal and this and that. I got my boxes custom made off Etsy with all the stuff inside for like 20 bucks a person. So go to Etsy too. Um, I mean, of course, you can always DIY something at home. Um, we kind of did that more for the guys' boxes. We made the boxes ourselves. Um, and then we bought all the stuff to go inside because, you know, the guys are a little bit more simpler. Um, so but yeah, even if it's just like she, you know, Kelsey said, um, heartfelt no, or even just like a letter, whatever it is, just make sure you make that moment special because um it really is not only a special moment for you, but for whoever you're asking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. So, all in all, um, your bridal party should feel like a soft place to land, not a source of tension or obligation. Um, so just remember that when you pick the people who genuinely are gonna love and support you in your relationship, uh, your wedding planning experience should become lighter, happier, and so much more fun. Um, and the right people want you to choose what's best for you in your heart, not what fits their expectations. So thank you guys for listening to another episode of the Wedding High Podcast. Be sure to follow us on Instagram, TikTok, check out our YouTube channel, subscribe, and we'll see you guys next week for our next episode. Bye.