047 - How To Plan A Wedding When The World Feels Heavy

We share how to protect joy while planning a wedding in a heavy news cycle, from limiting doomscrolling to setting smart boundaries with family and budget. Practical tips cover seating charts, pre-approved speeches, and focusing on what you can control so the day stays about love.

• limiting news and social media to protect mental health
• defining your why and setting non-negotiables
• budgeting with priorities and stop rules
• releasing perfectionism and embracing a 90–10 mindset
• managing family dynamics and political tension
• designing strategic seating charts for smoother flow
• pre-approving toasts and controlling the mic
• empowering planners, DJs, and point people to handle issues
• focusing on guest experience and moments that matter

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Transcript

Welcomes, Warm-Up, Weekend Life

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey queens, welcome to this week's episode of the Wedding Hive Podcast. Today we are talking about protecting your joy. This is about planning a wedding when the world feels a little heavy. So, how you how's your week going, Miss Grace? My week's going pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

It's warm here in Arizona. Um, but I had a good weekend. I filmed a wedding and then on Sunday it was my mother-in-law's birthday. So we went to dinner and had a good weekend. So what about you?

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Um, yeah, a good weekend. If one thing that I've learned uh marrying into the Hispanic culture, yes, is that there's always so many like kids that are born. Um the You got a birthday party every weekend. We have a birthday party or a baby shower like every weekend. And so um, not that we want to be like Scrooge, but is it appropriate to just like Amazon gifts to their address and like if it's pre-wrapped?

SPEAKER_00 0:52

I feel like that's what a lot of people do now though. Like baby showers. I feel like the last two ones I've gone to or like even my own bridal shower. I did like the Amazon, and I would just like had it sent to the house, and then you know, because it tells you who buys the gift. So, like if someone comes, you know, not that people have to get you a gift, but you know, it tells you who sent the gift, so I'm here for it. Why not?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Yeah, I just save the paper. I feel like my weekends are full of like, oh, here's so-and-so's birthday, and now this. And now I'm like, oh my gosh.

Why Protecting Joy Matters Now

SPEAKER_00 1:23

I know today's my nephew's first birthday, too. So we're doing a celebration tonight. Yeah. My brother-in-law, that's my husband's brother. Okay. It's our first kid, and he's turning one today. So we're gonna celebrate that too. That'll be a good one. Lots of birthdays. So okay, we're gonna get into today's episode. So we're talking about um just how it can be stressful during wedding planning time and with what's going on in the world, whether that's you know, so much that we can unpack, but we're gonna talk about why couples can tend to feel stressed right now. Um, think about it, 24-7, a news cycle and social media overwhelm is like insane. I don't even watch the news anymore because I feel like every time I turn it on, it's just like not positive. Yeah. So I feel like protecting your peace by like don't listen to news, things, outlets, social media. Um, a lot of times, too, right now, financial uncertainty, you know, it's been a little bit of ebb and flow with finances, and it can feel stressful, um, potential like inflation concerns as the years go by, um, political tension that can affect guest dynamics, which can be tough. Comparison culture amplified by Instagram. Um, but just remember the world always has uncertainty, but weddings always exist. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

So I think that there's something really cool about social media that the algorithm can, you know, it fluctuates. And so we talk about weddings. I don't know about your Instagram and your social medias, but mine are constantly convinced I'm a bride because I'm always in the wedding world. And then um, like I said, if somebody has a baby, so I'm on Amazon looking at baby outfits, and all of a sudden babies are hitting up my algorithm. So news outlets can also fly into your algorithm. So be really careful about what you're searching, looking through, because you don't want your social media to then be overloaded with all of the news pieces.

Algorithms, News Fatigue, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 3:19

I know. I feel like this story is like so sad, but the whole Nancy got through like Savannah's mom. Yes, fact she's still not found. I'm just like, I'm heartbroken for them. But I'm just like, what is going on? This case is like crazy to me.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

My entire February TikTok feed was like, find Nana Nancy.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Yes. I want, I'm like, I'm like, I feel like the girl they investigate, the girls, like we could find her. I'm just like, this is so crazy to me that they still haven't found her, but hopefully she'll come home safe. But I'm just like, this whole story is very interesting to me.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Well, and it's kind of in our backyard because we our location, we're not very far from Tucson. No, we're close. We're still in like the Metro Phoenix area, but Tucson's really not that far. So it feels a little close to home. I know. And this is like a grandma. I know. Who steals a grandma?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

I don't know. I'm just that that's what I'm saying. This like story is like so crazy to me because I'm like, who does this? Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

And the fact that the case is now like getting closed.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

I think so. I mean, they I saw something that they haven't determined it as like a cold case yet, because it's not like that far along, but it's been a month, I think. And they've had like the rewards up to a million dollars now. So I'm surprised like nothing's come through or anything.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Can somebody please find Nana because like can we just like breaking my whoever has her like breaking? Return her immediately because we're we're done. The anxiety for I know for the month has been a lot with Nana Nancy missing it. So um historically, weddings have happened during wars, recessions, pandemics, because the truth is love can't be paused. So um, weddings are an anchor of hope, they are a celebration of joy, and weddings become the bright spot people didn't realize they needed. So even during the pandemic that we experienced six years ago, uh, people kind of switched it up and did micro weddings. Yeah, you know, larger events had to pause, but there is something so joyful about those gatherings, the day of celebration to be able to come together with your loved ones. So I think you don't have to freeze because everything is I know.

Weddings As Hope In Hard Times

SPEAKER_00 5:31

I can't imagine though. I feel like though technically, like COVID brides like had to, like you weren't allowed to do stuff. Or if you do, I feel like a lot of couples just ended up eloping by themselves or having to push their weddings like months back. But I think too, it's like I can't speak on it because I wasn't a COVID bride, but I feel like it's tough to get through, but then it's like you still have something to look forward to, even if it's not when you thought it was gonna happen. So just and I think I'm I know whenever I get invited to a wedding, I'm like, I'm excited. I look forward to it and it's something fun, and I I just love love. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

My husband and I were invited to a wedding two not this past weekend, but the weekend before with like a 20-minute notice. Oh, there were two people pull up. That's exactly what happened. Two people dropped out, and so my brother-in-law texted my husband and was like, Hey, you guys want to come to a wedding? And my husband's like, uh, yeah, what when and where?

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Wait, is it open bar?

SPEAKER_01 6:28

He goes, uh, 20 minutes. It was open bar. Yeah, he goes, and wear black tie. So ran to the closet, threw on a dress, and out the door we went.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Maybe I just need to have like a black tie dress on hand because I know. You need to have every event on hand. So every style, everything. I need to just have like one outfit.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Like, yes, you just need to be prepared.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Okay. So I'm down for that. I love that. Honestly, that would make me excited. I'd be like, 20 minutes in 20 minutes, so we're gonna go to a wedding. Cool. I'm here for it. So um, okay, we're gonna get back into how sometimes fear can creep into planning and how to kind of navigate that. I know sometimes it can be what if the economy gets worse? Should we even spend the money? I'm sure lots of couples, brides feel this. Um, I know I felt it planning my own wedding. I think there's a certain point where you're just like, uh, this is a lot of money. But then you get to the very end and then it's like a thousand dollars is like five dollars. Like I'm being so for real. Yeah. It's like once you get to that end, it's like you're already there and you're just like, fuck it, like what's another$500? What's that$1,000? Which maybe isn't the best mindset to have, but I kind of was at the point where I was like, you know what, it's our wedding day, it's the one day that we have, just who cares? So um, what if family arguments ruin the day? And what if something bad happens? Which I feel like not something bad always happens, but there's always something that like goes askew on a wedding day. So don't let that put a damper on your day or put fears into your mind of, oh no, what if this happens, or what if the caterer short, you know, you never you never know, stuff is gonna happen, but that's why you have, as we've talked a lot of times, if you have a planner, obviously they're designated to figure those situations out. If you don't, either a wedding coordinator or someone who can, you know, de-escalate situations so that way you can enjoy your day.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Yeah, and I think that also goes into that mindset of perfectionism. Yes, it's so important not to expect everything to go absolutely perfect on wedding day. You know, 100% is nothing ever really there is no such thing as like perfect, perfect, you know? Oh no, yeah. So not to lower your expectations, but you know, like in 90 10, 90% of it's gonna go great. There's gonna be a few hiccups that will be that 10%.

Money Fears And Perfection Traps

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Yeah, I know. Cause I think if you get too high of expectations, like you've talked about, then it's just if something bad does happen or something goes wrong, then it's just gonna damper your mood when it's like it's your wedding day, everything's gonna be fine. Yeah, you're marrying love of your life. That's so what matters most. You have your friends' family, so don't let that stress you out. Yep. And also too, sorry to interrupt you, uh the family arguments, too. I feel like that's definitely a possibility. And I feel like we've all seen disagreements on wedding days, but I think it's too about just like who are you inviting to your weddings to avoid these kind of situations.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Yep. Nope, I agree. Um, a few things that you can do to help your mental health is limit news and social media. So we've talked about this a ton. Maybe take one day off of social media, limit, put the timer on your iPhone. I know iPhones have it, and you can, you know, decide I'm only gonna spend two hours a day or one hour a day or 30 minutes a day on social media. And then once my timer is up, I'm done. Um, that will help your mental health. Another thing is to define your why early. We've talked about this so many times is early on, you and your fiance sit down and decide those non-negotiables. What are two or three things that are the most important pieces of your day? Focus on that, the rest of it will flow, but then you have the why of the focus. Um, the other thing you can do is focus on what you can control.

unknown 10:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

So you can control the tone, you can control your gratitude for your fiance, the situation, even if it is as little as your cup of coffee in the morning, you know, you can control your gratitude and then the guest experience. Some things, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but things that you do not have any control over. Um, global events, the economy, and people's opinion.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

So the dreaded of people's opinion.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

People's opinion you do not have control over, and you are not required to carry it. You're not required to care to see your day. Yep.

Control What You Can, Release The Rest

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Yeah, I know. I think that's like I feel like that's probably a lot of brides and couple struggles is worrying about what other people are gonna think about their day or comparison of like going to someone else's wedding, and then they have this, and like you have your wedding coming up, but you don't have that. And I think you just need to remember again your why and what's most important to you guys. It's not all about the flashy and this and that, and having every, you know, bell and whistle that you that defines you having the best wedding day. It's just about your friends' family and enjoying yourself. So, um, something too that can come along with the uh wedding planning, of course, is navigating divided families and potential political tension. Um, so in the beginning, setting expectations with guests. So, as we've said, today is about love and not debate. We are here to enjoy the union of me and my partner. Um, we don't need to be talking about any of that stuff. Um, also, it can help too seating arrangements, um, making those strategically.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Yes. I feel like that's so much time on seating arrangements. Yes. Because you want everybody to be comfortable and you want everybody to have a good time, and you are not going to put two cousins next to each other. But they have liquid courage and are always if they're bickering at Thanksgiving and Christmas, yeah, don't sit them together at your wedding. Absolutely not. So, same with separated parents. So there's a lot of I didn't think about that. Parents who are not together and have significant others.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

If they get along, fantastic. If they don't, do not sit them at the same table.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Don't try to force it, I feel like, because I'm sure they're like, it's my wedding day. Like, I want, and it's just, I think it's better to just separate, you know, keep them close, but maybe at a separate table. That way there's no awkward tension because I don't feel like that's the last thing you want on your wedding day, is like tension between guests or family members because it just makes the day like feel awkward.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Brides ask quite often, did you have a seating chart? I did. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

I was actually was anti-seating chart in the beginning.

Handling Politics, Seating, And Family Tension

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Okay, so that's what I was gonna say. A lot of brides ask, is it worth it? Do I really need to spend the time to make the seating chart? It gives me a headache. I have to think way too much about it, but it really is worth it in the end because then that is one thing you can control the environment because you are strategically placing guests where you want to. The other thing with open seating is sometimes friends think that they have the right to sit closest to the sweetheart table or the couple, and really that needs to be designated for immediate family or the bridal party. So spend that extra time on your seating chart and it will it'll be a headache.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Yes, you'll be able to spend the money on that damn acrylic seating chart. Yes, and those table numbers are worth it. It is worth it. I'm like, I only had 55 guests and I still did it because at first I, like I said, I was thinking the same thing. Why do I need to have a seating chart? You know, I don't have the big of a party, but it just also to the flow of the night too, when it's nice when the DJ's like, hey, your seating chart, everyone files in accordingly, finds their seat. If you kind of just have an open seating, it makes it hard for people to be like, it could be like that. Oh, I want to sit close, but like I'm not really immediate family, so like I should probably be at like the second table, but I want to see the brat, you know.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

And I think that it takes longer than you think. For open seating, it takes longer for people to find their seats. Especially if you have a big guest count, correct, because people kind of start to spread out at first, and then you have like two open chairs at one table and three at the other, and one at the other, and then you have a family of five, and there's nowhere for this family of five to sit. Yeah, because you have to sit, yeah. Everybody's kind of spread out, so that's very true.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Make the seating chart. Yes, just do it, just do it, promise. Um, oh, and last thing, make sure to keep speeches pre-approved. Um, we have said this many times. There's nothing more worse or awkward than a speech that is overdrawn, like way too long, or bring up weird past stuff that you shouldn't bring up. I just just do the do the pre-approved. Have select people that you can trust. I don't think I looked over the speeches, but like it was my sister and you know, my husband's brother, so like we felt safe and confident. But, you know, I would definitely have speeches pre-approved if there's someone that's a little iffy.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

And if speeches are pre-approved and they are denied, you can kindly ask them not to do a speech, and your DJ will be just fine changing that, making that adjustment on wedding day. Yeah. I very often gone up to the DJ and said, here's our new lineup for toasts. Um, this one's out and this one is stepping in in their place. And DJs are always really good about switching the name really quick and inviting the right person up because not everybody should have the microphone.

Make The Seating Chart, Save The Night

SPEAKER_00 15:46

And I think don't I like that you're bringing that up because um don't feel nervous, embarrassed, or like to go up to the DJ and be like, hey, because then you're just gonna end up avoiding a situation that can just potentially be very awkward if they ended up coming up and then the speech is bad and it just doesn't work out. So if you feel like you need to switch things up, obviously most DJs they have the timeline ready, songs this, but if you have a switch up, feel confident enough to go up in and ask for it. It's your wedding, it's your day.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

So and ideally, any of those switch ups is where you tell your coordinator, your planner, or your point person so they can relay the message and you can just continue on enjoying your day.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Yeah. And that was my last point, empowering your planner to handle the conflict. So that way you don't have to deal with it. I didn't know that was your last point. I'm so sorry, girl. No, that's happening. No, that's fine. It's we were going hand in hand. So, but I agree. Yeah, make sure always have that designate designated person to deal with stuff.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Yep. Because this is your one day to focus on love and protect your peace. So, some things you can do is plan with attention, create memories that outlive headlines. And at the end of the day, it is all about you and your fiance. Yes. So I agree. So that is all for today. Thank you so much. If you would like to check us out, we are on TikTok and Instagram. We love chatting with our listeners, and we will see you next time. Bye.