"Shattered Surrender" Author Jennifer Sager Blankenship From Betrayal to Healing: a Journey of Faith

What do you do when the life you thought you knew is turned upside down?

In this deeply personal conversation, Jennifer Blankenship shares her journey through betrayal, discovering her husband’s long-term affair and hidden family, and navigating the emotional aftermath as a retired, divorced military spouse. She opens up about the complexities of narcissistic abuse, the trauma bonds that kept her tied to a painful situation, and the challenge of reclaiming her identity while protecting her family.

Faith became her anchor during this season of life, guiding her healing, helping her process grief, and giving her strength to step into her next chapter. Jennifer also talks about the courage it took to self-publish her memoir, the transformative power of sharing her story, and her desire to support others facing similar struggles.

If you’ve ever faced betrayal, loss, or the challenge of rediscovering yourself, Jennifer’s story will meet you where you are and show how her own journey of pain has become a ministry of hope, resilience, and faith for others.

Takeaways from our conversation: 

• Faith played a crucial role in Jennifer's healing journey.
• Jennifer's journey emphasizes the power of resilience and hope. Jennifer discovered a DFAS form that revealed her entitlement to her ex-husband's military retirement.
• The Ex-Military Spouse Protection Act was crucial in securing her financial rights post-divorce.
• Jennifer's faith remained strong throughout her struggles, providing her with comfort and guidance.
• Jennifer aims to help others who have experienced betrayal by sharing her story.
• She believes that sharing her story can lead others to find hope and healing. 

📖  You can purchase Jennifer's book on Amazon: https://a.co/d/7KWQQmB

🔗  Reflecting His Heart Ministries: https://reflectinghisheartministries.com/
📬  You can send Jennifer a message at: reflectinghisheartministries@gmail.com 

Transcript

Genevieve : 0:38

Hi there. Thank you for taking some time out of your busy day to listen to Hidden Chapters with me, Genevieve. This conversation today is a little heavy and really human. I have to be honest, when I first heard Jennifer Blankenship's story, I was blown away. Imagine being in a marriage for 34 years, thinking it's built on love and trust, only to find out your husband had a girlfriend in an entirely separate family in Japan. The truth he kept hidden from her, her grown kids, and even her grandkids. It's unimaginable. Jennifer is a mom, Nana, former army spouse, and co-founder of Reflecting His Heart Ministries, which is an online space supporting people who've walked through divorce, abuse, manipulation, and betrayal. Her newly published book, Shattered Surrender, takes us behind the closed doors to show the truly hidden chapters of her life. It's a story of heartbreak, deception, and loss, but it's also one of courage, faith, and reclaiming life on our own terms. I first came across Jennifer when she posted about her book on our neighborhood Facebook page. I was so intrigued by her story that I had to reach out and meet her. I got to meet my neighbor right here in my own neighborhood, and I'm so grateful she could also share her story with this Hidden Chapters community. Hi, Jennifer. I'm honored to be your first podcast interview. Thank you for taking time to share your life story with me.

Jennifer: 2:23

Well, thank you for having me. I'm very honored to be on your podcast.

Genevieve : 2:29

Alright, so I'm gonna jump right into your story. You wrote your life story and you had compared it in your book to a lifetime movie network movie. Yet this was your real life. So you were married 34 years, only to discover that your now ex-husband had a girlfriend and entire family in Japan, and that truth was kept from you and your grown children. It was crazy. Yeah. So when you first learned the truth about your ex-husband's affair in other family, what was your immediate reaction?

Jennifer: 3:04

I think my first reaction was just like utter disbelief. Um, because the way I found out about it, I had gone to bed. He actually was not there, he was on TDY, he had left, you know, to go on some kind of trip for work. And I was in my bedroom and I was sitting on my bed, and I just felt the Holy Spirit tell me to check his email. And I'm like, well, that's kind of odd. You know, why would you tell me to check his email? But I did, and I actually logged in right away, and I and I thought, well, if if he didn't want me to see something, he you know would have changed his password. But but now that I think about it, that even if he had changed his password and the Holy Spirit wanted me to discover what was going on, the Holy Spirit would have allowed me to log into that, even if the password was different. I believe the Holy Spirit logged me in to see his chat room. And that's where I found it. When I first read it, it was I saw it was their um their chat, their Google Hangout chat room. Um and I and I actually put this part in the book of how I actually found out. And when I when I read it, I'm just like, because I I'm just like, he's he's doing what? I mean, he's cheating on me. I'm like, I cannot believe this. And so when I clicked on her picture down in the corner, that's when their chat room opened and I started reading it. And it I had couldn't read very far because it was it was horrible. Um decided I was gonna bait her into talking to me, and where that came from, maybe that was just anger or jealousy or something. I had to find out who this woman was, and so I got her to talk to me on in their chat room. I got her to talk to me for a little while.

Genevieve : 4:52

But yeah. I know finding that out first of all is that disbelief, but then as things start sinking in, what emotion stayed with you the longest?

Jennifer: 5:08

I was angry. I mean, I was really angry, and I guess I didn't realize it because one of my son-in-laws told me, Jenny, you were really angry. You were just super angry, and um, and then I guess after the anger um was just grief. Grief that I could not wrap my mind around. It was tangible physical pain. Um, and I still remember, I mean, I don't I don't really remember what it felt like because God has healed me, you know, for the most part. But um yeah, I'm very thankful for that. Um but I just remember feeling that ache every single waking moment. So I slept a lot because when I was asleep I didn't hurt, so I slept a lot.

Genevieve : 5:58

I can imagine that. Well, this kind of betrayal obviously doesn't just affect you, it uh it affects your entire family, and you have three grown children. So, how did you navigate your relationship with your children and grandchildren? Because you have grandchildren too, that after all of this came out, how did you navigate your relationship in the aftermath?

Jennifer: 6:25

Um, well, when my my girls, you know, we were all initially in shock. Um, my son was instantly angry, um, was just angry. And my grandkids were fairly young when this happened. My oldest grandson was like nine. I mean, he kind of realized what was going on. But I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning because I didn't know how to filter the grief I was feeling. And so whenever, you know, we would talk about it or it would something would come up, um, I would say hurtful mean things that I really didn't mean. You know, later on when I thought about them, I know that I didn't really mean them, but they came out as an attack. And I streamed my relationship with um with one of my kids during that time and didn't see, didn't see, you know, didn't see her or my grandkids for quite a quite a while. But since then, you know, time, you know, time has a way of just time and thought and prayer and spending time in God's word. Our relationship, you know, we're we're reconciled and it didn't last long. But, you know, I think after we realized that we were all grieving and we were all gonna say things that we probably didn't mean, we just didn't know how to navigate the thing, all of the emotions we were feeling because it didn't feel real. And yet it was our reality. The grandkids right now don't have any relationship with him at all. Yeah. Um, but my middle um daughter's kids have seen him on FaceTime and stuff like that, but up to and that's just been, you know, since the the eight years that he's been gone, but now that they don't um they don't talk to him, uh they don't talk to him when he calls on FaceTime or WhatsApp or whatever, they don't talk to him at all. So, and and my kids don't have a my daughter does a little bit, has a slight, you know, relationship with him, but even that's even starting to wane because he's not returning her ticks or her phone calls or anything like that. So right now, in the beginning, they tried to stay, you know, the same and have a relationship with him. But and I told him when he before he left that it would happen. I told him I told him I said you are going to lose your kids and your grandkids, and he told me that just because he was overseas, that that wouldn't re affect his relationship with any of them. And I said, Yes, it will, because I know my kids and he doesn't.

Genevieve : 8:56

So then the fact that he has an entirely different family with the girlfriend and her children.

Jennifer: 9:04

Yeah, those are her kids, yeah. And she has four kids and a grandkid, so you know, so he's just got a whole new life.

Genevieve : 9:15

Right. I know I've read it, I've spoken to you in person about it, and I'm still just shaking my head going, This is unreal.

Jennifer: 9:23

It is. It really is.

Genevieve : 9:27

While I wrote down this quote, there was a line in your book that stuck out to me amongst many. I thought my audience needs to know that I read Jennifer's book on a Kindle, and I highlighted everything from her scriptures to her just life things and things I was intrigued to ask her. So I wrote a lot in in her margins of her of her book. It is an incredible story of faith and overcoming. But I wrote this one quote down how did you how do you spend 34 years with the same man and never see this side of him? He has been with this woman for over two years. So when you started to unravel that past, your best friend Tammy and family all were giving you clues of things that they had seen from the past, signs and moments where things in your marriage make sense now that didn't make sense to you at the time. So what things did he do that you found out later were cover-ups and lies?

Jennifer: 10:35

So many. Um but I think the main the main ones um were um when he would go to um Lowe's every every Saturday and Sunday morning without fail. Uh I mean for two years. I'm not kidding. Every Saturday and Sunday morning, he would get up at like five, five o'clock in the morning and would try to sneak out without me hearing him leave. But then if I did happen to wake up, he would say, I'm going to Lowe's. I'm like, going again? You know, why do you have to go to Lowe's?

Genevieve : 11:09

You know, what every Saturday.

Jennifer: 11:10

Every Saturday. I mean, you know, how what kind of things do you need to buy every Saturday? You know, that's what I would think to be like, what are you going to Lowe's for? Yeah, what are you buying? And um, but that was that was um something that really stuck out in my mind. My even my oldest sister told me I should follow him, but I think I was afraid to. I think I was afraid to find out, you know, to catch him doing something that he shouldn't have been doing, or I don't know. That was just um I learned later though that that that is that he went so early because it's the time difference between here and Japan. Because when it's daylight, you know, when it's morning here, it's nighttime over there. So he was getting up early so he could tell her goodnight, you know, and talk to her for a little while. So and I didn't know that at the time. And he never invited me to go with him. I mean, never asked me to go. And so I just I just never did. Um, there was another thing, it was really strange because he was our cook, because he he was just an incredible cook. And when he would cook things for our family, like make dinner and stuff, he would start taking pictures of his dishes. Like he would put his phone up there, and I'm like going, who in the why in the world are you taking pictures? I mean, you don't have a Facebook page. Like they all do on Instagram. This is what I'm eating. Yes, on Instagram or on Facebook. I'm like, you don't have either one of those. What are you doing? And he said he just he told he told me he wanted to take it and show the guys at work or something. I'm like going, okay. Most guys don't want to know what you're eating. Yeah, most guys don't want to. Well, guys, the guys I don't know that they do that. I don't know. It's weird. It was just, it just was it was strange. And then he he came home one time from Japan and told me that he and some guys had adopted an orphanage, you know, like you're not not, you know, not legally adopted, but just kind of took on these these orphan kids. And so he was starting to take things out of our pantry and put things in in the pantry and even things out of my bathroom, personal items out of my bathroom. And he would, you know, put those in a box, and then when he would go to work the next day, he would take them to the post office and mail them off because he told me that they had, you know, he was mailing all these things to these, to these poor little orphan kids, and found out later that he was mailing them directly to his girlfriend, and they showed up on her Facebook page, things in my house, dishes from my kitchen, personal things from my bathroom in pictures on on her Facebook page, and like she was living my life. And then then the other weird thing that he that was really strange is that he had to have cash all the time. Whenever he would get, you know, we'd get the money would be direct deposited and he'd go, I'm gonna go to the ATM and take out $500. And I'm like, why do you need that much money? And he goes, I just don't want to use debit cards or credit cards or whatever. I just want to have cash if I want to go buy something. Well, if he had, you know, debit cards um, or if he had cash, um, I wouldn't there I wouldn't know it'd be in the wiser of what he was, you know, if he was shipping boxes to Japan or if he was buying cigarettes or if he was buying lingerie or whatever he was doing because you know it wouldn't show up on the credit card because I took care of all the credit card receipts and the debit cards, and there'd be no trail. There's no trail, exactly. Um you know, checking accounts and you know, I would I see everything and and he knew I was meticulous. And I mean, when your bank account, you know, balances to the penny every single month, I was meticulous. I wanted receipts, and got he got, you know, conveniently started losing receipts, so he couldn't give them to me. You know, he they they oh they must have fallen out of my pocket or whatever. But I mean, just lie after lie after lie. And just and those are just a few things that I in my gut I knew something was going on, but I think I was afraid to find to really know the truth because once you know the truth, you're accountable and you have to face it. And I wasn't, I don't think in my heart I was ready to admit that the person I love most in the whole world was doing things like this behind my back and deceiving me.

Genevieve : 15:24

Right. Well, I think even 34 years, you don't think that your husband would would do that. I know. I know. So your book in your life explores not just that betrayal but that hidden emotional chapter. So those private moments that you had of grief, doubt, and fear. You wrote about them in your book. But what parts of your story did you have to leave out?

Jennifer: 15:54

Wow. Um well I don't I don't think I put in there that every single night that um I would come home from work. Um this was like pre-COVID, and you know, now so now everybody's remote now, but I was actually in an office for the first two years in my at my job, and um I would come home and I would come through the door and I would go to my room and I would fall on my face and in just just in tears and in grief, and there were times when I couldn't even pray, but I know that God knows my heart, and but scripture tells us that um when we cannot pray as we ought, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. So I knew that the Holy Spirit was taking my groanings of my heart to the throne room because I could feel him all around me. I just I just couldn't verbalize what I needed because it would pain like that just doesn't sometimes there aren't words to describe it. And I did that almost every night. I mean, because I was so exhausted from putting a smile on my face and happened to be happy and you know, get through the mo the day the day and through my work day that um it was exhausting. It was just absolutely exhausting.

Genevieve : 17:18

Um that's also why I know you and I talked about this just the other night, but that's why hidden chapters was so perfect because you know I was smiling through some of my own difficulties and people looking at me like, oh well, you have it all together. You have no idea.

Jennifer: 17:33

Yeah.

Genevieve : 17:34

You have no idea that I was on the floor crying my eyes out just uh 24 hours ago. Yeah. You don't know that I was going through what I was going through. You're looking at a smile, you're looking at me put together because I've had to take the next step forward because I still have to live.

Jennifer: 17:51

Yes. Yeah, I had to work. I mean, because I mean it was just it was just me. I had to work to pay for my house and my bills, and you know, so I had to get through the work day. Another thing that I left out is that um, well, with when if you know, who if you've read my book or when you do read my book, you will find out that um I have been in church my entire life. I mean, from the time I was just an infant, and I'm I'm almost 62, so I have been in church my entire life, but I did not go to church for like three years, which was very strange for me. But I stayed home because we were members of um our church in Huntsville, and um we had gone, you know, we had gone to Sunday school together, we had gone to church together, um, and you know, to worship in church and to see him raise his hands while he's singing praises and you know, and then to go to the altar during the altar call and to pray and um and then come back, you know, the next day tell me, you know, tell me that he had surrendered his heart again to the Lord and and he was gonna do better and things were gonna be better. And they were for a couple of days, but you know, it didn't last very long because he was doing it for the all the wrong reasons. He wasn't doing it for himself and his the surrender was fake, it wasn't real because he was doing it for looks, or he was doing it for me, or he was doing it for the kids, or whatever, but it wasn't real, and so knowing that I could not go back into that church and sit there and see people, you know, married, happy, married couples sitting together, praising the Lord, worshiping the Lord, knowing that I had lost everything, that that part of me had been torn away. And um, from the time I was a little girl, and I just thought of this, all I ever wanted was a godly man to get married and have children. That that was my that was what I had always wanted to do. Yeah, and when I met him, I thought he was, and to live 34 years and to realize that it was all fake, that he was always pretending, he always pretended. And he told me when we when we actually decided to get divorced because I'm tired of pretending. And that was hard going back to church, but I have since gone back, so I'm very happy, and I'm and I don't get triggered there anymore. And God has done a real work in my heart and has healed me a lot in that way.

Genevieve : 20:28

Just even hearing you say those words that I've been pretending that that's painful coming from your your spouse. Yeah. No, no spouse wants to hear that, hey, this has been fake for me this entire time.

Jennifer: 20:42

34 years. I haven't loved you, or you know, I haven't loved you. I haven't, you know. Just it was hard.

Genevieve : 20:52

Well, I read your book, we talked, but I actually don't remember asking you what made you decide to write your book. And then during this writing process, was this a way for you to process some of this? Was it therapeutic for you to to process and write it out?

Jennifer: 21:11

Uh it really was. I think it all started when my best friend Tammy and I um started our our um our ministry. We have a website with a ministry, and we started right-I started writing. I just started writing just different stories about things that God had shown me. Um, they were just like little blog posts. It's actually what it is. It's like a blog. And and then the more I thought about it, and I decided that you know what, I think people could benefit and be encouraged by some of the stories and some of the things that I have seen God do over the last seven years. And it just, it was just like I just woke up one day and it was like, I'm gonna write a book. And it was like, people have told me, you know, for years, you know, just different people that I've met, you need to write a book, you know, because of all of the adventures that you know that you've gone through, I'm like, well, yeah, maybe someday I'll do that, you know. But it were it really was just like that. It was, I woke up one day and it was like, yeah, it's time. I'm gonna write a book. And I I had I feel like I had healed enough to where to where I could, you know, write, you know, write about what happened, but and share it in a way that I could tell people, yes, it was horrible, yes, it was horrific, but this is what God did because I couldn't have made it without him. And there were times during those days I would come home from work and be on the floor on my face, and I asked God to let me die several times. Um He never let me die.

Genevieve : 22:57

I'm thankful for that now. He said he had more to do, he needed you to be here for something more.

Jennifer: 23:01

That's right. And it's like I didn't want to live in a world without him in it, because he was my whole life. I followed him all over the world, I took care of him, I ironed uniforms and moved all over the United States and even overseas, pregnant and having babies because you were a military wife too, and you understand that no matter and no matter how long you're in a place. I mean, there were times we were only one in a place for like six months for him to go to school. Every box was opened, everything was hung on the wall, because your kids need to know that this is home, even though they're trying basically transient people. Yeah.

Genevieve : 23:50

Nomads, that's what we call ourselves. Yeah. For a while we called ourselves nomads.

Jennifer: 23:54

Yeah, that's and that's exactly what a military family is, because you know, you mark time by you know which post you live at or which where which baby was born here or whatever. And and you know that, you know, and you have to make your kids' lives as normal as possible when you do when you do that. So I just I just felt like people don't really see, they see the soldiers come home, you know, they see them come home and all the fanfare and all the amazing things, which and it is, it's wonderful. It is so wonderful, but they don't see what happens when the cameras go away, and you have a soldier, husband, officer, whatever, your best friend with PTSD from things they have seen, and you don't know what they're dealing with, and you've been left at home for a year, and you're both mom and dad, and and it's it's hard. So I thought that people would not only military families could relate, but I thought even people that aren't in the military could gain a little bit of understanding of what the spouse goes through, you know, and what we go through when our guys are gone. And and I even wrote about it when we were at Fort Irwin, wrote about that every night, all night long, I would sit up and look out the window and then lay back down, and then 30 seconds later, sit back up and look out the window again, and then didn't see a car in the driveway, so I laid back down all night long for three years. Um, all because he was gone every every four weeks, he was out in the field. So it's like we had to live with that. But yeah, and and yes, writing that book was cathartic. It helped me process. It also um helped me to remember things, which which I found very surprising because I'd be writing about something that had happened, and then the Holy Spirit would remind me of this happened and this is why this happened, or I'd be sitting there writing, and I have tears just running down my face, and I'm like going, I can't, I can't see my keyboard, so I can't write anymore. But the Holy Spirit revealed things to me while I was writing to bring comfort and peace to my heart while I I mean while I was actually writing. So that it was it it helped me so much to process the things that happened to me.

Genevieve : 26:35

And what I told you too is what I really loved about reading your story is that you would go chronologically through your life, but you had so much scripture that you leaned on, and those were the scriptures that I even pulled that resonated with it. Those scriptures were such great reminders that God's gonna get you through those hard times when you think you don't have any bit left in you, that there were so many beautiful sections of your your book that I can go back through them again and pull out those scriptures because even in the season that I'm in, there's so many more things I've right now I need to lead on God's word, and I just loved that you inserted it in just the perfect spot where you go, I'm mad, but this is what God said to me.

Jennifer: 27:24

Yeah. Loved it. Yeah. I mean there were times when it was almost like I was it was almost like um, I'm really mad, I'm angry, I don't want to, this is not fair, I don't want to do this. But then, but then the Holy Spirit would remind me of a scripture. It's like but it wasn't fair for Jesus to go to the cross for me either. You know, some things that he asks us to do, even though they may seem hard for us to comprehend, but his grace is sufficient to get us through. Like those nights I would lay on the floor and ask God to let me die. I just want to die, I just want to come home to see you. I'm just done. And yet I woke up the next morning and it was like his mercies were new. You know, great is thy faithfulness, his mercies are new every morning because they are. And I had reason to get up and get out of bed and go to work, and you know, but I I I live by God's word because he cannot lie. Right, he is not a man that he should lie. So I know that his promises in his word are true because he can't lie, and so I just believe that he's going to keep his word to me. And you know, when he says, I love you with an everlasting love, I believe that. Um, when he says, You're engraved on my hand in the palm of my hand, I believe that. You know, and when he says he is he is my strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe. I knew and I know today, I know today that he's got me and I'm safe. I'm so safe within his hand. So I don't worry, I don't think about things, I don't worry about things anymore. I just, yeah, scripture is my life. And I wanted to share it.

Genevieve : 29:17

So you went into a deep research for help on this abuse that you were experiencing. So not the physical, but the mental and the emotional. And I was I found it really interesting because you did a deep dive for a moment and you said it led you to Kim Said's website. And Kim is a narcissistic abuse recovery expert, transformative educator, renowned speaker, best-selling author. So she's done a lot of research on this, and you discovered it. And in that research, you said you had developed what is known as trauma bond. So I was so curious to ask you about that study that you had talked about at Stockholm Syndrome and all that you had learned from that, and how you mentioned that your ex-husband was that classic textbook case. Tell me about that, because that was really interesting for me.

Jennifer: 30:16

Yeah. Um when I found Kim's website, um, everything that I had gone through finally made sense to me. It I realized that the things that I had gone through were real and that I wasn't crazy, because that's how I felt most of the time. That I was crazy, that I was like, what? Because he could he could twist things in a second and then make it make me blame. Myself or make me feel like it was my fault. Wow. So what I found out about that, the um trauma bond that I had, and in some ways still have, um, because I'm still working on that, because it takes a while. I recalled um aspects of his character um that seemed contradictory because one minute he would be sweet and loving and be the man, you know, the man that I knew him to be. And you know, and then the next time the next in the next breath, he would say something really cruel and just cut me down and really hurt me. And there were times when I actually deserved, I felt I deserved to be treated that way. And that's what a trauma bond does. You actually feel, um, even though you're being abused by this person, you mistake, you mistake the the mistreatment and the abuse and the ridicule as love. That he acts that way because I've done something to make him angry or I've done something to make him abuse me or make him be mad at me. So in my mind, I equated the way he was acting towards me as love, which is really, it's really kind of a sick thing. You know, it's really, it really is when you think about it. And it because as in a in Stockholm Syndrome, I think I explained it in the book that um you're with them because you're afraid you're gonna die. Stockholm Syndrome compared to being trauma bonded, you become attached to your captor because you're in fear for your life. But for me, for somebody who's trauma bonded, is that that became my normal, and I equated his his treatment of me that way as love. And that's that was the the cognitive dissonance that I had in my mind. And it it's it's it's very frustrating because one minute, you know, you love him, the next minute you hate them, you know. You know, I mean it is, and it's and it's hard because he would be, you know, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in the same the same day, and not and not and not even bat an eyelash. I mean, I'm over I'm devastated and he's acting like nothing happened. So her website really helped me see the difference. And when I first found her, it was like she had been reading my journals or had a camera in my house. That's how similar my my existence in my life she wrote exactly what was going on in my life, and because she knew, you know, because she studied it and she actually had been married to two two narcissistic men as well. So she'd been through it, you know, a couple of times herself.

Genevieve : 33:16

She knows everything about it.

Jennifer: 33:17

So she knows, yeah. So that's why she actually, you know, she started this website, and it it really helped me a lot because it helped me understand that that I really wasn't crazy, that I really was experiencing the things I was experiencing.

Genevieve : 33:31

Yeah. Well, I hadn't r her read this that narcissistic abuse can be invisible to the outsiders. So, what did normal look like on the outside compared to what was actually happening behind closed doors? And I know you talked a little bit about his Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. But what were some of maybe some other things that people couldn't see, even family you said couldn't see from the outside, but what was that like behind the closed doors?

Jennifer: 33:57

Um well, like um to look to be normal, you know, like to the outside world, whenever we went somewhere, like we would hold hands and we would talk, and he would be so sweet. He would introduce me to people as his bride, and he would say, I can't believe I talked her into marrying me, and just I made me feel like I was just the most wonderful thing in his life. But then he could he could just out of nowhere just look at me and say, Wow, you look like you gained 10 pant sizes since I left you and I came home. I mean, just just cutting things that just cut me to the quick. And so normal for me was was getting up and walking on eggshells every day because I never knew I I held my tongue a lot because I never knew what version of him I was gonna get. I didn't know if he was gonna come home and be angry or if I could talk to him or if I was if I just needed to be quiet. So it just my normal to me was living in fight or flight mode, one I mean 24-7, and and walking on eggshells around him and being afraid to say things that would set him off. Um but to the outside world, I mean, like at church, uh I mean at church he would sit with his arm around me and we I mean we went to Sunday school together. We would go to the grocery store, and my kids didn't even know that anything was wrong. I mean, they didn't like because I I never, I never ever talked badly about their dad to them. I never I never wanted him to be any different in their eyes than that's just my daddy. That's my dad. And I never anything that he said to me, I never told my kids because I just didn't want to ruin that for them. Yeah, I didn't want to ruin that for them. I did I wanted them to keep their relationship with him. Um, but it wasn't in it wasn't until they got older that they actually started seeing it for themselves as they got older.

Genevieve : 36:00

Yeah, and I think it it is hard because when they're young, it's one thing, but when they start to become teenage age, like my kiddos are, or they get older, they start seeing and they can process a lot more things than than we think they've picked up on.

Jennifer: 36:14

They they really can.

Genevieve : 36:16

Yeah. Well, another deception that I wanted to highlight, and for those that get to read the book, so we being fellow military spouses, we understand the sacrifices that you go through in your husband's career, taking care of the home front and going through all the deployments in his career, and you've dedicated a lot of your life to that. When you divorced him, as part of your divorce settlement, you were entitled to half of your ex-husband's military retirement. And in the book, you expressed that before he moved to Japan, he had set up a monthly allotment. Your portion would be transferred directly from his account to yours. But here was the crazy thing that I remember reading in here. When you were reviewing loan paperwork at work for a woman who had recently divorced her retired army husband, you discovered DFAS, the DFAS form that you were actually unfamiliar with. You had no idea what this DFAS form was. And in DFAS, for those that aren't military, it's a defense, finance, and accounting service and the agency that handles all the military pay in the retirement. So talk to me about discovering that and then how that was a whole new deception that got uncovered. The emotions that you instantly went through, and then what steps you had to go through to get that document approved because you were owed that.

Jennifer: 37:48

Yeah, I was.

Genevieve : 37:49

That was incredible to read, so you've got to share that craziness.

Jennifer: 37:54

It was crazy. Um like you said, I was um I was processing for a mortgage loan we were doing for a um a young lady, and she, I mean, she had her divorce decree and all the paperwork there, but I'm the one that goes through and just kind of puts everything together. And I noticed there was a document that had her name on it and his name and how much her monthly, you know, how much her monthly um income was gonna be from his retirement. And I remember picking that piece of paper up and I went into the loan officer's office and I said, What is this? And she looked at me and she said, Oh, that's the paper that DFAS sent me that says that I get half of my ex-husband's retirement, you know, until he dies, you know, or I get remarried. And I'm like, and I was dumbfounded. I said, I don't have one of these. I said, I didn't get one of these. And she looked at me, her eyes just got super wide. She goes, You go to your phone right now and you call DFAS now because you're entitled to this and you need to go talk to them. So I did. I immediately went to my desk, I found the phone, I went online, found the phone number, and I got in touch with them and talked to a um a young lady there, and I told her what had happened. I told her that we had been divorced for a year and a half, and I'm I was just completely honest with her because I was so I was panicked. I was panic stricken because I knew that if he found out that I knew that he hadn't sent the divorce decree to DFAS, that he would, he would go in there and cut off the aluminum or he would, I was afraid he was gonna do something to stop it. So I was like really, I mean, I was doing this very quickly. So um I I talked to them and I told the girl on the phone that I that I could send them my divorce decree. She told me to do that. She went through all of the all the records. She says, we don't have a copy of that. He was supposed to send that to them and he did not. So she gave me, told me everything to gather together. She gave me my, she gave me the fax number. And then I found out that it's actually the act is called the ex the ex-military spouse protection act. And I'm like, oh wow. Uh yeah. I mean, it's like it's called the Protection Act for a reason. And I didn't, and I didn't realize that's what they called it. And so anyway, so that was the form that I filled out, and I sent it to, I faxed it to them, and then I just, I guess I just prayed because I'm like, Lord, I can't do anything about this. I can't stop this. I can't do I can't do anything.

Genevieve : 40:34

It's a year and a half, right?

Jennifer: 40:35

You said a year and a half. It was a year and a half, and that is supposed that form is supposed to be filed within 90 days of your divorce becoming final. That was in 2017. This was May of 2019. And I'm like, okay, this is I just I didn't, I wasn't afraid. I would I didn't really doubt. I just faced the stuff. And a couple, I guess it was a couple of weeks later, I think I got an email that told me that it had it had been approved. And I'm just like, wow, and that should that shouldn't have happened. That was a total God thing. That that should not have happened. That that was completely out of my hands. And when he found out the day that I called DFAST, because when I when I call or log in, or they log into his account, he gets an email. And so he called um our daughter and was mad because he he thought I was in there messing with his retirement. And it's like, no, um, actually, in there just taking care of what something you should have taken care of a year and a half ago that's legally mine, that they call it a protection act to protect me from the ex mil, you know, from the ex-spouse so that I get what's entitled to me, um, which entitled to you know, which is entitled to come to me. And he had actually set up an allotment, but it went through his employer, and he could have cut that off at any time. All he had to do was go to his HR and say, stop sending this to her. And even though it was, even though he said it was, you know, half of his retirement, now it's legal and he can't change it. Um, and I have been receiving it since 2019, and he can't change it. And now I will lose it when he dies. I mean, that's you know, but and I realize that, but at least I have it for now. But that that was really scary because I have I had a new house, I had a mortgage, and and yeah, and and right, and this was May. In March, he actually cut off my alimony. So, I mean, it was in our divorce decree. And so March, he had already cut off my alimony because he told me he lost his job, and which, and I write about that, that's in the book too. So I had already been cut off from alimony, and I knew it was just a matter of time before he cut off my allotment, which was supposed to be half of his retirement, and God saw that, God knew that, and God went before me like he always does and took care of that because I had no idea. It wasn't a coincidence that that woman was in our office and we were doing a loan for her, because God wanted me to find that form so I could call DFS and and take care of that. And it made him angry when he found out about it. He was mad.

Genevieve : 43:34

Yeah, I couldn't believe that when I read it.

Jennifer: 43:36

That was that was that was that was like wow.

Genevieve : 43:40

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I I know I've I might have mentioned this, but I don't know if there would have been anybody else that could go through this without relying on God. Because I don't think so. That's a lot for somebody.

Jennifer: 43:56

Yeah.

Genevieve : 43:57

And so like I had said before, is that I loved that you had clung to God's word all over your book. That even though you were going through some of the toughest parts of your life, you were clinging on to God. And I know that we as Christians in our flesh we have those moments where we want to wrestle with God and ask him those things. So what were some of the wrestlings with God other than just down on your knees praying?

Jennifer: 44:21

Well, my my faith never felt shaky. I knew from the time um that the Holy Spirit met me in the house on that Sunday morning after I listened to that sermon. Um, and when he asked me that question, I surrendered my heart, I knew that God had me and my faith never faltered after that. Never. Um the things, the things I did um wrestle with were the why. I couldn't, I could not get that question out of my mind. Why? Why after 34 years? Why was I married to him for 34 years? And uh for him to treat me the way that he treated me after I I mean I absolutely adored him. He he was my life. Yeah, he he was the love of my life. I might not have been his, but he definitely was the love of my life. And I could not believe that he that he would treat me the way that he treated me, that he would choose somebody else over me. Because that was one thing he always promised me, I'll never, you know, I'll never cheat on you, I'll never, I'll never do that. And for him, and I'm like, I couldn't understand, you know, what goes through your mind when you make that choice. I mean, do you think of your do you think, did you think about me? Did you did you think about your kids? Did you think about our five grandkids and the life that we had lived? And and it's like that was hard. Why? I could not understand why God would allow my marriage to end like it did. And you know, I still I don't know that God has answered that question yet. I still ask it, but it's getting easier because I have actually come to a point in my life where I am content with whatever whatever happens. If I mean I'm I'm content in my life to be alone if that's what God wants me to be. Because I've been alone so long, because even when we were married, I was alone because he was never home, or he was outside, he avoided me, he would not talk to me. So I just those I think that's the biggest thing that I wrestled with God was the why. Yeah, because I because that's a question that is, I mean, I think with grief, I think people who just any grief, you know, it doesn't matter if it's divorce or if it's a death or a sickness or an illness. Grief in and of itself is a very volatile emotion because it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows, it hits you out of nowhere. You could be, I mean, I could be standing in the grocery line and just start crying for no reason. And it's like, what are you crying for? You know, people are looking at you like you're crazy. But yeah, but it's just that I think that is the biggest thing that I wrestled with was just the why. Because God knew that, I mean, that's all I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mom. And I wanted to grow old. I wanted to grow old with this man and sit in front of the fireplace and you know, and watch our grandkids play in the yard and and go for walks and hold hands and stuff like that. But it wasn't. I don't, I really don't believe that when I was married to him, when we got married, that I knew God knew it would end in divorce, but I don't really feel like that was God's original plan for me. Now God doesn't change his mind, but he does give us a free will. He gives us as his created beings, we have a free will, whether we can choose to do the things that he wants us to do, or we can choose to go our own way. And he chose to go his own way, and God wasn't gonna force him to stay because that's just not in God's character. Because, and then I thought, you know what? Why do I why would I want to stay with somebody who doesn't love me or who doesn't want me? I would rather be alone, knowing that my heavenly father loves me with an everlasting love. And yeah, and so I think that the biggest thing was why. That was that was my biggest wrestling. But my faith, my faith never wavered. I never and even to this day, my faith isn't shaky, and I tell people I can't not trust him because I because I have seen him do so many things in my life that should not have happened. They were actual actually miracles that should not have happened, and yet they did. You know?

Genevieve : 49:24

So to include the beginnings of how you were even created. So I'll leave that for people to read your story. But even Jennifer's beginnings of how she was born and her early years of growing up are just incredible. God has been with you from the very beginning. Yes, it has been. Well, I also love that you had included in the back of your book a reader discussion guide with deeper reflection questions to look over after reading your memoir. So has your book been able to be used in a small group lesson in your church or uh in any any church groups? And then what uh reflection questions do you still find that you can go back and is helpful for you to work through?

Jennifer: 50:15

Now my my book hasn't been used in my own church, and if anyone else has used it, I don't know. But I put those in the back just because I thought they would be maybe just thought-provoking if somebody could, you know, if somebody related to my story or you know, if it resonated with them, just to kind of give them some thought thoughts about their own journey, you know, and their own if something like that had happened to them. I just thought that would be some way to help them kind of navigate their own emotions and their own feelings. And I think the one that sticks out for me that I that I still have to work on is my um knowing who, you know, new knowing who I actually am, my identity, my identity in the restoration that was there. Yeah, because I think and I think that might resonate with a lot of people, you know, not even just you know, not not military people, but just people in general, because I think we struggle, I think the world today just struggles with who they are. And that that was the biggest thing because it was like for years I was like in his shadow because he was the officer, and it was like I was either his wife or I was my kid's mom, or you know, so I really didn't have my own, my my whole identity was my family, was my husband and my kids. Um and then, but from the time that we were engaged, and this was this was when it started, from the time we were engaged, um, because I grew up in the country, and you know, when you read my book, you'll know that I was a barefoot, you know, little girl and played in mud puddles and played with salamanders in the creek, and you know, I mean, I lived in the country and I mean snapped beans and chilled peas with my grandma on her front porch. You know, I mean, I lived in the country and I was a little country girl. So when I met the officer, his mom and dad told me that I had to become a proper officer's wife. And I'm like, what does that even mean? Why can't I be who I am? Yeah, what does it mean? I mean, why can't I just be who I am? Don't you think that a colonel's wife is going to like me for who I am, other rather than being somebody or trying to pretend to be somebody that I'm not? So from the very beginning, I was told I was 19 and didn't know anything. I I mean lived in a mill town all my entire life. And it's like to be told that you have to be some, you have to act and be something that you're not. I didn't even know how to do that. I mean, it was it was so hard. Um, think about Pippi Longstocking, if you know who she is. I mean, if anybody I know that that dates my that dates me, but I mean me too.

Genevieve : 53:07

I know I know Pippi Longing.

Jennifer: 53:08

You know who she is. Think of think of putting Pippi Longstocking in a ball gown and sending her into a ballroom with a bunch of high-ranking, you know, officers and their wives, and and you have to be proper and you have to, you know, you just can't make any mistakes. I was always afraid I was gonna say something stupid or squirt, you know, take the you know, the tomatoes. They always, those little round tomatoes they always put in your salad. So when you cut into them, they squirt everywhere.

Genevieve : 53:38

If I stick that fork in there, I'm afraid it's gonna roll right off my plate.

Jennifer: 53:41

I know. And it's like and then get on your nice gown. Yes, and then you get on the gown or you squirt the major or the lieutenant curl across the table, you know, or something like that, but then you're and you're mortified, and then you embarrass your husband, and oh my gosh, it was so, it was so much. And I'm like, I just wanna be me. You know, like why can't I just be who I am? And I wasn't allowed to be who I am. And another thing that really hurt me is we were first, we were newly married, and um we joined a church, and most of the people that went to my church um were enlisted, and I made a lot of friends at church because they were young like me. You know, they were they, you know, they had babies and stuff, but they were young like I was, and I'm like, this is really cool. Yeah, they were they were young like me, and we were young military, you know, army wives, and it was so cool. But then to be told that I couldn't associate with them um because of the fraternization between the officers and the enlisted. I mean, I understand, I understand it to a certain degree because I I get it. I was an army wife for years. I understand the separation, okay? But when it comes down to being friends with these young girls who I went to church with, I'm like, these are my church friends. I there were a lot of people that I had to, I couldn't even, I couldn't associate with because I was an officer's wife, and that hurt. That was something I in the beginning I did not understand. So learning how to be an officer's wife and trying to navigate all of the changes, I felt like I could not share my heart with my husband at that time because I was afraid I would embarrass him, so I just didn't say anything. I just kind of stuck everything down. I didn't say anything. Um but yeah, it is.

Genevieve : 55:41

Well, I'm gonna shift gears as uh we kind of start finishing out, but I was curious so about your book. So I have had a lot of uh friends come on the podcast who are also new authors like you, so a lot of the authors that I've had the honor of sharing their story, the everybody's uh published their books kind of around the same time. So we've had kind of a a May or March and you were June, and then Chris was August. So you all were right around the same time launching your book. But yours is unique. So uh everyone that I had interviewed so far has chosen to work with an editor and a publisher, so I got to hear about that experience. But you got to self-publish, so you didn't have to wait for someone else's permission to share your story, you took ownership. So, what made you choose that route and how did that journey teach you about yourself? Because that's interesting.

Jennifer: 56:37

That that was a lot. Um I knew nothing, I had absolutely didn't know anything about doing it. So, but number one, the biggest thing is I started researching publishers and they're very expensive, and I just didn't have the money. That that is really the biggest motivator to publish my you know, my my own on my own, because I just didn't have the money to put in now. I would have pro I would have loved that, you know, if I could have afforded it, but yeah, because they do they do all the editing and all of those things.

Genevieve : 57:05

It can be very pricey, I've heard, and and it is a lot.

Jennifer: 57:08

It is a lot.

Genevieve : 57:08

It's a lot to do.

Jennifer: 57:09

Um and and I just I mean, I just I have just my salary and you know, half of the half of my ex-husband's retirement, so it's not a lot, but I mean, it's God provides for me. It's what I you know, I have what I need. So um I found out that Amazon lets you, you know, lets you self-publish. And so I went there and got the template that they have online. And so when I started writing, the writing part was super easy. I mean, to me, because I've been writing f since I was a kid, but the writing part wasn't hard. But um the the editing part is what took, I think it took longer to edit the book than it did to actually write it. I hear that often. Yeah. Because and I when you're editing on Amazon in that in that template, if you change one sentence, like if you're in chapter nine and you change one sentence, it skews everything all the way to chapter one. So I had to start back at chapter one and work my way back down and get the margins right again if you change one line. So that was very frustrating. There were nights I was up until like one or two in the morning and my son would have to come, Mom, it's two o'clock, you need to go to bed. I'm like, but I'm ending my book, you know. But but yeah, it it took a long time. But in some ways, I enjoyed that because there were times when I would write whole, I would, I deleted like whole sections and rewrote like whole sections even after I finished the book. I was like, no, this doesn't sound right. And so I just I'll just go back and fix it later, but I've got to edit this part. And it did, it helped me, it helped me to edit some things out that didn't quite make sense or didn't didn't really flow with the whole overall story. So it was a great experience, and I will do it again because I'm actually writing my second book already. I'm writing a second book already. Yeah. Are you? Yes, okay, yeah. So hopefully the second one will be a lot better than the first one. But it was good.

Genevieve : 59:08

Yeah, I'd love to a big shout out to your friend who designed your cover.

Jennifer: 59:12

Oh, Teresa. Yeah, my sweet Teresa.

Genevieve : 59:16

I was gonna say make sure I wanted to make sure we gave her credit for that too.

Jennifer: 59:19

So and you know what was so funny, what was so funny about her, um, about the cover is that she hadn't read my book. She didn't, she didn't, she just knew it was about my. I had just met her. I mean, she had just come joined my Sunday school class, and I just said, I want you to design the cover of my book. And I told her she hadn't read it, she had not read it. I know because when I saw she and she just looked at me and she goes, but I haven't read it. And I said, I don't care. I said, it's okay. I told her what it was about, and I said, Yeah, I trust that you and Jesus will put will it will come up with the right cover. And and when I saw it, yeah, I'm just like, I just cried and I didn't notice it. But she said, Well, did you notice, did you notice that the the mirror on the front is cracked, but that the girl looking into the mirror is not?

Genevieve : 1:00:10

Because and I'm like, Oh, and I'm like, no, I didn't notice that either.

Jennifer: 1:00:15

I didn't see it. I might have to go back and look at your book again. Yeah, she told me that. I'm like, she goes, the mirror's cracked because it's shattered, but the girl looking into the mirror is not shattered because Jesus has made her a whole. And I was just like going, oh my gosh, that is so amazing. And it's like she is she is an amazing person.

Genevieve : 1:00:37

That gave me chills, and I just I didn't know that either. Thanks for telling me that because I am.

Jennifer: 1:00:41

I'm gonna go back and pull your book off the it was it was it was it that see that was a God thing too the from the cover to to what what's inside from the cover to everything and it's just it's just been a work of God in my life and it's it's been such a blessing.

Genevieve : 1:00:59

So yeah. Okay, so sharing your story publicly is definitely that act of courage from hearing so many of my author friends, it you really are putting yourself out there. So how do you hope it impacts readers who might be facing this betrayal themselves?

Jennifer: 1:01:23

When my life crumbled down around me in like gosh, it was like 10 seconds. I had no idea what to do or where to go. I had I had the strength of the Lord and I knew that, but I also knew I needed to have, I needed to find answers. I wanted answers to what I had experienced and what I had gone through. And and it was like I knew there had to be somebody out there that could help me or like on even online. I even look went online and tried to find people who had experienced what I experienced, and I couldn't find anybody. And I'd never even heard the word narcissist until after my divorce, way after my divorce. So I wanted to share my story because if someone has goes through, I mean, what I went through, and I I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't want anybody to ever have to experience what I did. But if something like that ever happens in their life, I want them to be able to go to the internet and Google divorce betrayal or narcissistic abuse or something like that and have my book pop up in their search because I don't think narcissism gets enough airtime, or what would you want to call it? I mean, yeah, recognition.

Genevieve : 1:02:37

We know of it, but I don't know that there's many stories like this, where you really identify it and you can see it clearly.

Jennifer: 1:02:44

Yeah. And what really surprised me is when I went to divorce care, I mean, I realized that it was more common than what I knew. People I knew that, I mean, I met people that had been through the same exact thing that I had, and it's so common, and I'm like, wow, I'd never even heard of it. So that was the main, that's the main motivation. And I and because just because I am who I am, and because I feel like truth is so important, um, and where people, you know, sometimes in today's world they don't, they get angry at the truth or whatever. I I wanted, I shared um very personal, very deep things that I went through because I think there are people out there that experience the same thing or have the same struggles. And I just want people to know that there's somebody out there who understands, who understands what they're going through, how they feel. They, I mean, they don't even have to say anything to me. And I would know exactly, I would know exactly, you know, how they feel, the emotions they felt, the betrayal, the the disconnect, the grief, the everything.

Genevieve : 1:04:02

Yeah.

Jennifer: 1:04:02

So I just wanted, even if it helps one person, even if it's just one person, it's worth all the grief, it's worth all of the years of the abuse I took, it's worth all of the years of being, you know, manipulated and all the things. If one person can come to know Jesus or find a relationship with Jesus or renew their relationship with Jesus and get into God's word, that's what I want. And that was the whole motivation behind writing my story and being brutally honest because I don't know how to be any other way. I don't know how to not be who I am because I am who God made me to be, and I'm gonna share my so story. And if it, you know, it's raw and it's real, and I live with lies too long, and that's the reason why it's out.

Genevieve : 1:04:56

Well, I was excited to hear when we talked the other day that you said uh was it a friend had recommended your book. So you have one lady that is going through what you're going through, and she's currently reading your book right now. So she is. I'm excited. Well, not excited, that's not the word I mean, but I am hopeful to hear what her review will be helping her.

Jennifer: 1:05:17

Me too. I hope it does. I hope it does help her.

Genevieve : 1:05:20

I hope so too. All right, Jennifer, I want the listeners to hear a little piece of your book. Did you pick out a section of the book that you'd like to share?

Jennifer: 1:05:33

I did. It was hard. I didn't know which one I really wanted to share.

Genevieve : 1:05:37

There's a lot of really good stuff that was.

Jennifer: 1:05:39

There was a lot of good things that God did, you know.

Genevieve : 1:05:42

Yeah.

Jennifer: 1:05:43

Um but I think this part of the book that I'm gonna read is towards the end. I didn't realize that this was this was the answer to everything that I had experienced until I got to the end of the book. I believe it's in chapter nine, but um, okay. Beyond healing from divorce, I had been craving one thing, closure. It felt like a mission, one last piece of the puzzle I couldn't quite place. I had come so far, but something was missing. I had known it all along, but never in the full context. Once I saw it clearly, everything else started to make sense. Although clarity is essential to finding closure, it didn't come gently. It arrived like a piercing blade, swift and precise, striking a part of me I didn't even know was still vulnerable. This one cut deep. It wasn't just another wound, it was the wound, the one aimed directly at the most sacred part of my soul, that hidden place that no one else sees, the place only God and I know intimately. It's the part of me that holds my essence, the part that still believes something could have been different. It's where my deepest longings, identity, and hope had been quietly stored, even after everything fell apart. When I finally saw what had been there all along, it nearly destroyed me. It shattered the last remnants of the illusion I had clung to, the belief that maybe, just maybe, love could have outweighed the lies. That realization, it wrecked me. I could hardly breathe under the weight of it. I felt like I was reliving every painful moment only now through the lens of this new and painful truth. It took days for my mind to begin processing it, just to begin. But in that unraveling, God didn't leave me. He sat with me in the silence, in the ache, in the weeping, and eventually clarity made room for peace. The missing piece in my story, the one I could never quite place, was a role I never chose. One I never would have chosen. It was placed on me without knowledge, and yet I carried its weight through most of my adult life, and I didn't even realize it. You've probably heard the phrase, children are to be seen and not heard. I was born in 1963, and that idea was common when I was growing up. I understood my role as a child. My parents were the authority and I respected them. I followed their rules, understood that actions had consequences. But when you're 19 and newly married, you don't expect to be treated like a child anymore. You expect to be a partner, to build a life together, side by side, raising children in unity and mutual respect. So what happens when that's not the reality you married into? What happens when without your knowledge you're cast into a childlike role and your husband becomes your the parent, the one making the rules, enforcing consequences, and expecting your submission? What happens when he tells you and others that he married you young so he could train you? That realization, uncovered in a quiet counseling session, hit me harder than the affair ever did. It was the missing piece that finally made everything make sense, why he always had to be right, why he was never why I was never allowed to be, why he constantly corrected me even when I wasn't wrong, why my thoughts were dismissed, my ideas brushed aside, why he never truly listened to me, supported me, or defended me, why I felt like a failure no matter how hard I tried, why nothing I ever did was good enough. It wasn't about my shortcomings, it wasn't about what I lacked, it was about the role he had assigned me, and in that role I was never meant to measure up. I wasn't supposed to. I wasn't meant to be his equal. I was meant to obey like a child obeys a parent. And once I understood that, once I saw the truth behind the manipulation, it shattered something deep inside me. The affair was heartbreaking, yes, but this was soul crushing. This was the route, the silent, hidden route of control and spiritual distortion disguised as leadership, and it nearly destroyed me.

Genevieve : 1:09:59

He didn't look at you as your equal.

Jennifer: 1:10:03

I was his child. I was nine years younger than him. And when I found my voice, that's when he pulled away from me. When I found my voice. So yeah.

Genevieve : 1:10:19

Well, thank you for sharing that. I really do hope that this discussion, this conversation that we're having will really resonate with more people. So it needed to be heard.

Jennifer: 1:10:30

Yeah, I hope so too.

Genevieve : 1:10:33

Well, to end our talk, I want to highlight this. I think it's great to share this, but you said in 2018, you and your best friend Tammy founded Reflecting His Heart Ministry, which is an online outreach dedicated to those who walked through divorce, abuse, manipulation, and betrayal. Where can they find that?

Jennifer: 1:10:56

Um they can go um to uh go to the internet and just type in um reflecting his heart ministries dot com and it will pop up. And we've been writing on it together since 2018. And we take I mean, we've there's stories uh she's written, and there's stories I've written, and um so it's just and there's other things, there's scripture, there's um there's an encouragement section. There's just a whole bunch of stuff on there. Just have to you'll have to log on and go see and just pop through all the pages and stuff.

Genevieve : 1:11:29

And I'll definitely post that link in the show notes for everybody to find as well. But I think that's great that you and Tammy are doing that. It's not just uh exclusive to women, but men and women who are going through those betrayal, divorce, manipulative relationships. There's far more than we know. Yeah. So that's true. Well, Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing your heart, your faith, and your story. Your incredible lifetime movie network story.

Jennifer: 1:11:58

Well, thank you for having me. I've enjoyed it.

Genevieve : 1:12:01

Absolutely.

Jennifer: 1:12:02

Thank you.

Genevieve : 1:12:04

Listening to Jennifer's story reminds me how powerful it is to share our hidden chapters. Her journey is heartbreaking, yet inspiring, and full of faith. She told me that if her story reaches even just one person who needs hope and strength, then it's all worth it. And I think that's such a beautiful way to look at it. If you want to keep walking through these stories with me and get a little extra reflection and encouragement each week, I'd love for you to join me over on Substack. That's where I share the next chapter notes newsletter, and also have a space to go deeper with the stories that we get to explore here. You can find the link in the show notes. I'll also provide links where you can purchase Jennifer's book, Shattered Surrender, learn more about her online ministry, reflecting his heart, and contact her to speak to Jennifer directly. I know she would be happy to hear from you. Jennifer's courage and faith are a reminder that even the hardest chapters can bring light and healing, sometimes in ways we never imagined. Thank you again for listening to Hidden Chapters.