Raising Hope: Christin’s Story of Grief, Adoption, and Life’s Hardest Chapters

Episode Summary 

Some stories look easy from the outside… until you hear the pages turn. Christin opens up about losing both her parents in high school, dealing with her brother’s addiction and time in jail, setting hard boundaries, and still building a life full of faith, service, and hope. Grief became her roadmap: keeping busy enough to process it, seeking wise counsel, and letting God hold the pieces she couldn’t.

We follow her through military life at Fort Rucker and Colorado, where a rough command season collided with family challenges and early signs of her daughter’s special needs. Christin became the guide she wished she had helping new Army spouses learn the real language of aviation and how clear expectations can protect a marriage. She also reflects on her time as a military spouses, sharing the challenges, joys, and the supportive power of community, especially through her volunteer work with Operation Deploy Your Dress, a program that uplifts military spouses.

At the heart of this episode is motherhood and advocacy. Christin shares her daughter’s adoption story, the moment ADHD changed everything, and how early intervention, speech therapy, and occupational therapy made a real difference. She’s honest about public meltdowns, the courage it takes to medicate when needed, and helping her daughter find independence through sports and routines. Now in education, she keeps her library as a safe space for students who need a reset—a reminder that empathy can be taught, practiced, and passed on.

If you’re carrying loss, parenting through uncertainty, or supporting someone with special needs, Christin’s story is full of hope and gentle challenges: believe in tomorrow, set boundaries that protect your home, and trust that beauty can grow from ashes. Listen, share it with a friend who needs courage, and subscribe for more hidden chapters worth hearing.

❤️ Connect with Christin:
📬  Email: ecco77700@yahoo.com

👗 Operation Deploy Your Dress information: https://operationdeployyourdress.org/

Transcript

Genevieve: 0:41

You know, one of the things I love about this podcast is that even with people we've known for years, there are always hidden chapters we've never heard. Today's guest is a perfect example of that. I've known Kristen since our first days at Fort Rucker. She was my army family team building facilitator back when I was a brand new mom. And we've been friends ever since. Kristen's life story is filled with challenges, resilience, and faith. From losing both her parents in high school, navigating her brother's time in prison, walking through raising an adopted daughter with special needs, and living the life of a military spouse before retiring last year. There's so much in her story that most people wouldn't know just by looking at her life from the outside. Today, we get to hear those hidden chapters, what she's learned, how her faith has carried her, and the hope she wants to pass on to others. So hi Kristen, welcome to Hidden Chapters. Hi. It's nice to be here. Thank you. Well, Kristen, we've known each other for years, but one of the things I do love about this podcast is that even with my close friends, I actually get to hear parts of stories I've never even heard before. So I want to start from the beginning, actually. What's something about your story people don't really know? And where do you even begin?

Christin: 2:10

So I would think back to being a teenager. Um I lost my parents when I was in high school, both of them. And that's something that I'm not, I don't hide from people, but it's also not like something that I just blatantly share with anybody. And also like at this stage of our lives, when we're in our 40s, that's when a lot of our friends and we start losing our parents anyway. So kind of the the trauma of losing your parent as a child, um, when you also have friends that are going through it currently, it's just not something that, you know, I kind of bring up. If it's necessary, I'll say, oh, I understand because I do understand. But I feel like at this point in our lives, a lot of us are going through losing people close to us. So so for me, like I could see the biggest turning point in my life being when um I lost both of my parents in high school for sure. And then and the way I handled it.

Genevieve: 3:12

What happened to your parents?

Christin: 3:14

Um, so my dad died of a heart attack in his sleep. Um, and my mom found him. And then exactly two years and three days later, my mom died. She was hit by a car crossing the road, and she died on impact.

Genevieve: 3:31

Wow. Yeah. So that was heavy at a teenage age. It was a lot. Yeah. And then I know you had mentioned about your sibling. So it was you and your brother then. And how was that relationship with your brother?

Christin: 3:45

Uh, so he is two and a half years younger than I am, and we never had a good relationship. We're very different personalities. I've always been someone who is a people pleaser. I don't want to make anybody upset. I want to follow the rules. It was always instilled in me that God sees everything we're doing, and I really take that very literally. Um, so I was always like, I don't want to do anything that's gonna upset God or make my mom disappointed in me. So I really was like, you're not perfect, but you know, just completely straight laced, didn't get into trouble, didn't make any noises or anything, like quiet kid. And my brother's the complete opposite of that. He was always running around, he was always making friends, he was always going out and doing stuff and getting into trouble. When you're a kid, it's kind of like, oh, you know, he's just being a boy or he's just a little randy a little bit. But as he got older, it progressed more into criminal activity, drinking, drugs. And I could see as a kid, he was very close to kind of going down that path. Once our dad died, because they were really, really close, he completely went off the rails. And I don't think he had been arrested by the time our mom died, but he had been getting into trouble. It's a small town that we grew up in in East Texas, and the police department always kind of was very lenient with him because, oh, his dad died, or you know, he's gone through all this. So once our mom died, it really just went through the roof exponentially. Right. He was drinking, driving, doing drugs, um, staying out all night, disappearing. I I was already married at this point. I should, I should mention.

Genevieve: 5:36

Okay.

Christin: 5:36

Um, I got married a month after my mom died. So I was out of the house and he it just started becoming a huge, huge issue. Um, as a teenager, he went to rehab a couple of times and then he dropped out of high school. I was married in college, doing my thing, living in Louisiana. They were in East Texas. We were about two hours away. I would come home on weekends to visit him and hardly ever see him because he was out doing whatever. He'd just disappear.

Genevieve: 6:09

Yeah.

Christin: 6:10

Like he would say he'd be there, but he'd disappear. And uh as we got older, the relationship was always very strained. He was in and out of jail. He was um in prison at one point, and then he got married, had a kid, and he committed a very heinous act against a child and uh went to prison for that for eight years. And it was at that point that I was like, I'm done. I can't be part of this. I have children, I can't be part of this anymore. And I cut off the relationship with him uh three years ago or so. I haven't spoken to him, I haven't talked to him, nothing. I haven't seen him, nothing. So I don't I don't want that in my life. Um, but he we definitely took two different paths in life for sure.

Genevieve: 7:06

Yeah. So um just so that I can kind of think about how your your life chronologically, your parents passed, and then you growing up really didn't have that relationship with your brother. Who was with you around that time frame after your mom passed? Were you already out of school by that time?

Christin: 7:25

What was the So my mom died on May 6th of 2000? I graduated high school that May, like the end of May. And then in June, Jason and I got married. Okay, so it was a succession of things. That's yeah, it was very boom, boom, boom. Um the last time we were all together as a family was on my dad's two-year anniversary. We had all gone out to the graveside together. Yeah. And that's the last time my mom, my brother, and I were all together. And then she died just three days later. I was already the plan, the wedding was already planned. It was already, everything was already set in stone.

Genevieve: 8:01

Yeah.

Christin: 8:01

Moved to Louisiana. My brother ended up living with my mom and dad's best friends.

Genevieve: 8:06

Okay.

Christin: 8:06

And that's who that's who had him after that happened because he was still a minor. He was 16.

Genevieve: 8:13

Yeah. So it was a lot of just compounded circumstances and how he chose to cope with that.

Christin: 8:20

Yeah, he he chose to cope with it in a in a very different way. And it's hard for me to understand that because I I've always looked back, and I know it it's probably something I shouldn't do, but I've always looked back thinking, we were raised by the same people, we were raised in the same household. How in the world did we turn out so differently? Yeah it's it's crazy to think about that we were raised in a very loving, healthy Christian home. My dad did not drink. Um, there were there were no none of those kinds of influences in our lives. And he just went just out. And he's been in and out of prison so many times now because he every time he gets out, he goes right back to doing drugs or he fails to register because he is a registered sex offender now. And that's another reason I don't have any sort of relationship with him. But he just keeps getting himself into trouble. It's like he doesn't know how to function in society at this point because he's spent half his life in prison.

Genevieve: 9:17

Wow. Yeah. Well, to comment on, you know, how siblings can be so very different, it's very similar to my siblings. I and you know, we all grew up in the same household, yet all three of us are very different. That I actually don't have a relationship with my sister right now. But that was her choosing. Yeah, that's a whole nother story for another chapter.

Christin: 9:39

I'll I'll get on and interview you about that.

Genevieve: 9:42

Totally, we can totally do that one. But yeah, yeah, I so I get you. It's just very different. You grew up the same, same values, same parents, and it's just uh interesting the personalities and where you go. Yeah. Well, that's a lot already to absorb and and learn. No, no, not at all. That's a lot of chapters to hold for sure. Um, and I know there's so much more that we are gonna get into, but just that formidable years, when you think back on those years, which parts of your story feel like it has shaped you the most?

Christin: 10:17

Um, so like I mentioned, I was raised in a very um supporting Christian home. My mother and I were very, very close. And she always gave me these little Christian wisdom nuggets, right?

Genevieve: 10:31

Yeah.

Christin: 10:32

Of we might not know why God does things. It's not for us to know, it's for God to know. Um she even gave me the everything happens for a reason. And I know that's so cliche. It's so, so cliche. Yeah, I got it. But um, you know, she told us, she told me that all the time. And she told me that when God's ready to take you, he's gonna take you. And it's not for you to know why. It's it's just gonna happen. And to not be, we can be upset with God, we can be angry, but not to lose your faith in God when something goes wrong in your life. Like she instilled so much wisdom in me at a young age. And because of the my personality, that I'm a I'm a I want to please everybody and I want to do right and I want to follow the rules. I absorbed everything she told me for the 18 years that I had her. And so when my dad died, it was kind of one of those things where okay, it was his time to go. And I just kind of accepted it. It was hard. I mean, it was hard. It was, it wasn't easy. No, but I was just kind of like, well, it was his time. God, God decided to take him. I'm gonna grieve. I'm going to be sad. But it was his time. And then when our mom died, that was harder because my mom didn't die of natural causes. My dad was a smoker. He died at 44. He was very young, had a heart attack and sleep. Yeah. Very young. But also he was a smoker. So you can kind of say, okay, well, you know, he smoked his whole life. So that's kind of what contributed to that.

Genevieve: 12:07

Yeah.

Christin: 12:07

My mom, on the other hand, was walking across the street and a a police officer hit her. It was a police officer. Um, and he was going very fast and killed her on impact. And so for that was it's that's a lot harder to kind of grasp because it's like that was so preventable.

Genevieve: 12:28

Yeah.

Christin: 12:28

And I was there when it happened. I was with her, and so was my husband. I didn't know you witnessed it. My goodness.

Genevieve: 12:35

Yeah, that's a whole minute later.

Christin: 12:37

I know, I know. It's a sub chapter. Um, yeah. I had so my mom and I had met after work. We had both worked. We met together to go shopping and have dinner because my senior trip was coming up like a week and a half later. So we went shopping together. We were driving home. I was in my car in front of her. We were going through an intersection. A car had stalled out, and there was a gas station right there on the corner. Well, he was turning, trying to turn into this gas station, and I had a green arrow. So I was turning and I didn't notice him. He hit me, flung my car across the highway and uh totaled my car. I was completely fine. I was completely fine. My mom turned into that gas station. So she was in this gas station, four lanes of traffic over. I was in this uh trailer park uh parking lot.

Genevieve: 13:33

Yeah.

Christin: 13:34

And when the tow truck was coming to get my car, she was like, Well, I'm gonna go get my vehicle so we can move all your stuff out of it. And it was when she was walking back across the road that she was hit. Um, it was there was a lot of people around. There were a lot of witnesses. It was a whole court thing, too. Um, there was a lot of debris in the road. There was a police officer responding to another call, and he didn't have his lights on or anything. It was at night. He didn't have his siren lights on, I should clarify. And he was going 20 to 30 miles over the speed limit through that accident scene. There were cops everywhere. There was debris everywhere, there were people everywhere. He hit her, she came up, landed on her head. Um, he hit her on her left arm and it tore her arm off. That's how fast he was going, that it completely tore her arm off. And she died on impact. So that's what happened there.

Genevieve: 14:38

How does that how did that affect you not only having lost your mom, but actually get to see and witness your mom die this way?

Christin: 14:47

Yeah, so there is some grace there in that I actually had turned because I was putting something in my car. Uh, Jason was there. Jason had gotten off work too, and he had met us there. So I had turned and I was doing something, and I heard the impact. I heard it all happen. And then I looked over and I just saw this crumbled pile, and I thought it was car pieces. I thought it was just something off a car. And it wasn't until everybody started screaming that I realized what happened. So um I didn't have to see her die, but I saw it afterwards and I heard everything.

Genevieve: 15:27

Yeah.

Christin: 15:28

So yeah, that was that was rough. And Jason also had to witness that as well.

Genevieve: 15:37

Yeah. Oh, that breaks my heart just to hear it, just to understand what you've been through.

Christin: 15:43

Yeah, I don't get into those details with a lot of people. Because it's like, oh my gosh, what?

Genevieve: 15:49

Yeah, well, my goodness, it's it's like your life. Um and how you have managed to still I don't even know what the words I'm trying to say. You have managed to still continue on with life, still have love, still have grace for people and for things, and just be able to move on not being bitter.

Christin: 16:15

Yeah. I've never been um, it's never it's never shaken my faith. Yeah. Everything that's happened because of those little nuggets of wisdom that my mom always instilled in me. I just kind of was like, I don't understand. Like, this is nuts. What could be the purpose of this? But then I also think if my mom were still alive and my brother had gone down the path he he did go down, yeah, that would have just destroyed her. And she would have done everything she could to support him. And it probably would have affected our relationship because I was very much like, I don't want a part of all that messiness and nastiness.

Genevieve: 16:55

Yeah.

Christin: 16:55

So I don't, I don't know what that would have done to her. So I almost feel like it's a blessing that my parents weren't around to see my brother do the things he's done. Yeah. Because what he's done is vile. He's done some very vile things in his life. So I almost feel like it was God's grace that he took them so that they didn't have to deal with all that.

Genevieve: 17:16

Yeah. Well, I do love that you said, you know, your faith never wavered. And I know that that can be really hard to sit there and question God in those whys. Um but what did survival look like for you during that time? Because I know that was a process. I can only imagine that that that's a process that you have to go through. Now you thankfully had your husband at the time to lean on, but what did that really look like for you healing and going just through that?

Christin: 17:49

So I was very busy. I I my mom died. I went on my senior class trip. Well, had her funeral, went on my senior class trip, graduated high school, got married, moved, started college off from May to August.

Genevieve: 18:02

Yeah, without them.

Christin: 18:03

Yeah. Um so living with somebody for the first time, going to college, leaving everything I knew in Texas. I grew up in the same house, same people, same small town. Our town has maybe 2,000 people in it, max. Um, and and just jumping right into school and just doing all the school things. Like I said, I would go home on the weekends. I feel like going home um made things probably harder than it needed to be. There's a whole nother chapter dealing with the people who um had my brother that I don't have a relationship with him either anymore. I mean, it was healing in a way to have pseudo-parents and a pseudo-family there.

Genevieve: 18:48

Yeah.

Christin: 18:49

People that we went on vacations with and spent holidays with, and um, I looked at as like a mother-father figure. That was very healing to have that.

Genevieve: 18:58

Okay.

Christin: 18:59

So I didn't go straight from being like having parents to being an orphan with no adult presence around me. Because you know, I was still, you're always gonna feel like you're a kid when you have your parents around. You're always like, oh, I'm a kid, uh, even when you're an adult. But that that I can honestly say now, looking back, that that was it was good to have them in my life and to have that whole new family around me. But being married and having Jason, and I've known Jason since I was 11 years old. So we know each other, we know each other's families, we know everything. And we've always known that we grew up in the same church together. That was also very supportive during that time and kept me at nights that I would cry, you know, he would just hug me and hold me, and he'd cry with me a lot of the time. It was very healing to have that support around me, to stay busy, to always have something that I was focused on and doing. Because it seems like during those downtimes are when you start really thinking. And I feel like I still sometimes when I have a lot of downtime, I start thinking about all the things that have happened in my life, and I start having kind of a pity party, and I'm like, okay, I gotta get up and figure something, do something. Like I jump into a project around my house or somewhere else at work or whatever, just to keep my mind off those things.

Genevieve: 20:22

Yeah.

Christin: 20:22

Um, I have processed everything, so I don't want you to think I've run away from it, not processed it. I've processed it. It's been a long, long time. So I I feel like I've processed everything in a good way. But for me, staying busy is key to having um a healthy mind.

Genevieve: 20:42

No, and I I can agree with that too, is like certain times in my life where it's the nights that are the worst. So if I don't focus on something, get into God's word, do something you know, specifically, uh those are the times that I will get attacked with the well, what about this, or what about that, or what you know, and and all the all the things. So yeah, keeping busy I think is is a good way to kind of process and and grieve and get through those things. So well, I loved that you mentioned a song by Mercy Me that uh kept you up because I I love the band Mercy Me. But you said that the song The Hurt and the Healer. I actually had to listen to that one because I'd listen to most of their music, but that was one particular song I didn't hear. So what does this song or why does this song mean so much to you? And what it is, what is it about that song that had maybe carried you through the seasons that you were going through?

Christin: 21:37

Yeah, so that song is is really important to me now. I can only imagine came out right after my mom died. And so that song was really important to me for that like first bit of life. And so then uh The Hurt and the Healer came out, and I was just blown away because I was that was kind of during the time that all this stuff was happening with uh my former pseudo family and my brother, and my husband. We were stationed in Colorado, and my husband was working for a very, very toxic leader, and we were starting to learn all the things with Ariana and her having special needs. So that song was kind of out during all that part of my life, and it's one that I listen to still very often, and it just brings tears every time I hear it. Because oh my gosh, I think everybody should just listen or read the lyrics because it is just so profound and it's so healing to hear that that no matter how hard we're hurting, that we still have God and He is our healer.

Genevieve: 22:43

Absolutely.

Christin: 22:45

No, I seek him.

Genevieve: 22:47

That was the one of the ones because I was like, I I've never heard this one. How come I've never heard this one from Mercy? Because I love them. And so when I was listening to it yesterday and actually took the time to go through all the lyrics, I even wrote down when the hurt and the healer collide. Collide because I've got my own things going on in my season right now that I go I put this right in my library and I go, This will be one I want to listen to when I'm driving around or just in need of that. But yeah, thanks for sharing that one. So um the kind of move into the rest of your life you and Jason got married, and then he did he already have plans to join the military by that time, or was he in the military once you guys got married? So how how did that timeline go?

Christin: 23:31

Jason did two years in the army reserves in Arkansas. We got married, we moved to Louisiana, and he did two years in the National Guard in Louisiana.

Genevieve: 23:39

Okay.

Christin: 23:39

While he was a ROTC cadet.

Genevieve: 23:41

Okay.

Christin: 23:42

So he was um two years ahead of me in college and he commissioned and then went to flight school.

Genevieve: 23:48

Okay, okay.

Christin: 23:49

So it was always a plan of his. Yeah.

Genevieve: 23:51

Well, no, that's great. Cause because then that was making me think about your timeline of when you went through that chapter of being a military family. So I don't know if you remember this, but so when we finally got to meet was what at Fort Rucker. So Chris had already been in, he had done infantry nine years, we were stationed at Fort Bragg. And then when he switched um positions, uh MOSs, for those that might not know, he went to aviation. And so that was where we got stationed at Rucker. And so that was the first little season where we were first time parents, first time away from family, first time staying at home, having worked all those years. And so I was also dealing with a very colicky child who did not want to sleep. So I remember being very zombie-like. And so same with the you're talking about being busy at CBS.

Christin: 24:40

I remember at CBS, you were just like, oh, you were like, I'm just somebody want to take my child.

Genevieve: 24:45

Anybody want a kid? You did.

Christin: 24:46

I remember you saying that to me. And I was like, oh, she's so cute though.

Genevieve: 24:51

Oh, she was so cute for everyone. But yeah, I remember, I remember signing up for what was this? AFTB. So for those that don't know Army family team building. And so Kristen was my facilitator because I grew up Air Force, my dad was Air Force, and then still trying to learn Army lingo, and then now switching to aviation, there were all of these other things. So I was like, okay, you know what? An AFTB class might actually help me a little bit. And so that's how we had met. It's great to have our careers and have our friendship all these years, and then now we're both post-military, so we'll talk about that in a second. But um, what do you remember about some of those early days of helping the new army spouses like myself?

Christin: 25:30

My gosh, it was so much fun. So I didn't even know AFTB was a thing until Jason was a captain already.

Genevieve: 25:36

Yeah.

Christin: 25:37

And we made friends. He was a small group instructor for the captain's career course. And some friends of ours that we had met were going through flight school. And the wife is the one who told me. So her husband's a lieutenant, and she's like, You've never heard of this and you haven't done this? You should do this. Because I was still like, I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. I was still like, la la. Um, so I went and I took these AFTB classes, and Meredith Hummel, um, she was one of my instructors, and she was so dynamic. And I was like, I want to be like her. And so I went through all the classes. I took the instructor training, I became an instructor, and then um even went further with it and became for a little bit, they had a program uh that was called ACS Master Trainer, where you can teach other people how to be facilitators and instructors and all this other stuff. So I went like as far as I could with it. But I love, love, loved being at Fort Rucker and helping other military spouses learn the linguo because aviation is a completely different language than any other thing, MOS out there, um, and not feel confused and outside of the loop like I did at that same time. Um, I wanted them to be confident. I wanted them to understand everything that was happening. I also, in the back of my mind, I was really trying to help them strengthen their relationship with their spouse and knowing, like having those expectations and explaining to them like this might be your expectation, but this is the reality of it. And you need to understand that. Like if you go into a marriage and you're like, I love this person, yes, I'm gonna be this army wife, and you grow up watching like army wives on TV or whatever, so nice you think it's gonna be this like, yes, like this amazing life, and you're gonna go to all these amazing locations. So I was it was really important to me that I gave them a very realistic expectation of what they're gonna see in this life. And then to hopefully help them meet those expectations in a realistic way.

Genevieve: 27:58

Yeah.

Christin: 27:58

Maybe hopefully help some relationships. That was kind of my goal with it.

Genevieve: 28:03

No, and I really loved that program. I think that was really great too, because I wanted to keep going with it too, but I think life took its turn and we had some other things happen in life. But and then they did away with it, unfortunately. Yeah, they did away. And I was like, oh, that was a really good program. But we both know how military life is not always easy. What would you say in your challenges with that experience? Uh, what was maybe the hardest part for you as a military spouse?

Christin: 28:30

It was definitely when we were stationed in Colorado, we lived off base, like 40 minutes, like on the other side of Colorado Springs from where the base is. And everyone we were with was either just Colorado native or Air Force, because there's we were closer to the Air Force bases. And um I mentioned earlier Jason's boss was very toxic. Like she made it into the Army times with how toxic toxic of a leader she was. And it was very, very stressful in our relationship. Um, he was never home. He was her exo. And you know, those Katie times are just very, very stressful anyway. But um, she had all these expectations of him, and he would try to meet those expectations, but it was never good enough. And so that was causing a lot of stress at work. It was causing a lot of stress at home. At a at a point, I even was like, look, I'm just gonna take the kids and go to Texas. You let me know when you're done with this, and then we'll come back. Because it was just like, I'm parenting three children. I'm have a special needs child that we're just learning is special needs. I can't go anywhere with her because of her behavior. And and then I'm dealing with my husband who's so stressed out. He's never home. All the stuff with my brother, with the um sexual assault was happening right then.

Genevieve: 29:54

Yeah.

Christin: 29:54

And um, he was still going back and forth with me about, oh, I didn't do it, I didn't do it. And I was gonna have to go testify at his trial. So all this stuff was happening at one time in Colorado. And it was so stressful that first year we lived there. So he worked for her for a year and then he moved over and was somebody else's exo. And everything got so much better. Ariana was getting services she needed. I was making friends. Yeah, my brother pledg guilty and went to prison. I didn't have to go down there and deal with that anymore.

Genevieve: 30:28

Yeah.

Christin: 30:28

Um, I joined a Bible study at my church. It was just everything got better that second year, but man, that first year was rough.

Genevieve: 30:36

Yeah.

Christin: 30:37

Yeah. Very good. Rough.

Genevieve: 30:39

And I think the reason I bring all that up is because it's just again another one of those hidden layers of things that you know we're going through life and people don't necessarily see all of the struggles that you were going through. And I'm sure that wasn't a well-known thing. If you were like, hey, by the way, I've got this going on and this going on. So yeah, uh navigating that. But I want to also share that I got our cross, our paths got to cross one more time. I can't get that out. Um during towards the end of our career where we were stationed at Fort Drum and you all were at Fort Hood. And we got to be the program managers opening up Operation Deployer Dress shops. So uh for those that listen, Operation Deploy Your Dress is a wonderful nonprofit organization that was started in 2015 uh with the idea that we have a lot of the spouses have ball gowns that we wear once, like prom, and then we PCS to different places and we move with these dresses, and most times we don't wear them again. So it was the idea to swap these gently used dresses and be able to share them with other spouses who may not have a chance to get a ball gown or get a chance to even go to a ball. And so it had grown from its inception from 2015 to at the time when Kristen and I both opened these shops uh right during the crazy COVID time. So um it was great to have Kristen start in two thousand in right 2019 or right was it right before like COVID? Because you were right before me.

Christin: 32:18

Yeah, it was 2019.

Genevieve: 32:19

And then I started 2020, and then we were able to lean on each other during that time frame. Um, so what did that experience teach you about community and resilience during that time for you?

Christin: 32:32

Oh my gosh, I had so much fun with ODYD. I had so much fun bringing it back to Meredith Hummel and being friends with her on Facebook all these years. I knew she was super involved with ODYD. And I had joined our spouses club board as a uh ways and means person.

Genevieve: 32:51

Yeah.

Christin: 32:51

And we were having a board meeting, and somebody said, Hey, we've been approached by this organization and this person, Yvonne, to do this ODYD thing. And I was like, oh my gosh, I know all about ODYD. I was like, I was so excited. I was like, I know, I know what it is. None of them had ever heard of it. And so I explained it to them and kind of what the mission was. And I was like, this is such an incredible opportunity. And um, you know, I told the president of this fastest club later, I was like, hey, I would love to be part of this in in any way, shape, or form. And she told me, and she was like, well, we have somebody else in mind. And I was like, dang, I dress really great. Like I'd be the perfect person for this. Like I'm gonna live and breathe, Odie Whitey. Come on. And uh that ended up falling through. And they were like, hey, we want you to do it. And I was like, yes. Um, so we, yeah, we had a this storage room in this random extra part of the commissary, is like where we had all of our spouse club meetings and where we had our storage spaces. And we had this big room in the back that we cleared out, we painted, we um had dressing rooms built, we had all the racks built for us, and we had incredible donations. Lucky for us, we were so close to Austin. So we had incredible organizations that weren't even military affiliated in Austin who gave us so many beautiful, very expensive ball gowns. It was such an incredible opportunity. And I love that Odie Whitey, um, it's all about like, hey, we understand that not everybody can afford to go out and get their hair done, their nails done, buy a dress, get a babysitter, get the shoes and the accessories and all this. Like, I love that. And that we were able to promote that through Fort Hood because Fort Hood has such a huge population and it's all the ranks. And we were able to service those people who let's give you a dress. That way you can go get your hair done or get your nails done or pay for a babysitter. Let's give you an accessory. So they got to choose either a piece of jewelry, a purse, or a pair of shoes. Yeah, they got to choose a nice accessory and kind of ease that burden a little bit to make the ball a more enjoyable event for them. And then, hey, if you want to donate it back, you can keep it if you want to. We don't care, but we're we're happy to help you. We're happy to be here to help you. And the community really loved it. Like we were always pretty much booked on our open days. And because of COVID, we had to do um like a sign-up genius and had to have people sign up for appointments, and we were pretty much always booked. And we did a couple of sidewalk sales, and they were huge successes where everybody got to come in and get two dresses.

Genevieve: 35:50

Right.

Christin: 35:50

So, and that was so much, it was so much fun. I love just being part of the community that way.

Genevieve: 35:56

I did too. No, and to kind of add to your experience too, with the parts that I think I loved was the stories, which is so funny now that I do the podcast because I still love the stories, but I the part about the generosity of the community, the mission, of course, that we had behind it, but the generosity of even worse so where I was at at Fort Drum, I would have people come from different areas of uh the city to donate, or I would have people that would find out about it and go, Well, I'm not near you, can I just mail it to you? So it was kind of funny that the girls at the time were eight and ten. And so I would get boxes mailed to me to the house and they would open it up, and it was like Christmas. We're opening up boxes of dresses and shoes and accessories that all came from generous donations from all over people from all over the states. And I just I loved being able to trace these uh donations where they come from and the stories that were behind them. That one specifically uh that I love sharing was an older veteran who lost his spouse years ago, but he had had all of her jewelry. And I I don't know if I remember telling you about this one. No, I haven't heard of this. Oh, so I I kept a like a little um three-ring binder of all the stories so that a lot of people when they you know re-donated stuff, they could see, whoa, where did this come from or who donated this? And so it was really neat. This one particular uh veteran, army veteran, he had sent uh all of this real jewelry from his spouse. It was everything from David Yeerman. Uh I had a Pandora bracelet, I had a gold, uh, 14 karat gold watch, I believe he had given, 14 karat gold necklace, some earring pearl earrings, um, and a couple of other things. And it was right around the Christmas time, so he is giving it as just a Merry Christmas. And he said, I know that if my wife were still alive, she would love that another military spouse would be able to wear these things. And so I had put his card and some of the pictures of the the pieces of jewelry and put that in the binder. And then I remember as we were having um one of our uh open shop days, I remember one young spouse never been to a ball before. She had picked out the earrings and the necklace. And so when she came up and we were processing her out and giving her her stuff, I remember I said, Oh, well, by the way, this stuff came from, and then I gave her that, and it was just such a neat thing for her to get a little piece of history. So she's not just wearing jewelry, she's wearing something of someone else's that was a fellow military spouse. So things like that, stories like that. I just loved tracing where the dress came from, who uh owned the dress before, and just watching that secession of things. So that was a a great thing for me even back then, which I think I even carry now, is the stories and the history and the things that we carry that have connected that connect us, especially in the military community community and space that I miss so much. But yeah, it was really good.

Christin: 39:09

Yeah, I mean I miss that too. It was such a fun time. So much fun.

Genevieve: 39:13

That's a great program, but I will definitely be adding that one to our show notes in case anybody else who's listening wants to partake in Operation Deployer Dress, because it is a definitely wonderful program. And um, as long as the military child has an ID, I think they uh they can get one for homecoming and prom. It's homecoming season right now, so yeah.

Christin: 39:35

Absolutely. Yeah. Did you do wedding dresses too? We had wedding dresses. We did have a couple of wedding dresses. That was really fun.

Genevieve: 39:42

Yeah. Yeah.

Christin: 39:43

Getting to we had some people come in and get their wedding dresses from us, and I thought that was really special.

Genevieve: 39:48

Yeah, we had some really antique ones that just came in the box that they were originally in, and yeah, amazing. So cool. Oh, we couldn't. I miss it so much. Oh we could talk about that forever. We could. But it it was uh a military uh community that really I think really helped with that. So okay, so we talked about your military life and experiences and you you spoke a little bit about your kids. I'm really interested to hear how you're managing because I've learned you've got three kiddos in three different stages right now. So you have one that's about to graduate college, one that's about to graduate high school, and then you have a daughter still at home with you who you you mentioned has uh some things that some special needs challenges that you have been able to navigate through. So tell me how motherhood has taught you about yourself through all these different chapters, and then how's that life going for you?

Christin: 40:47

Oh my goodness. So it's a lot. Um so yeah, I was a fairly young mom. I had Thomas when I was a month after I turned 22. Yeah. And he is a senior at uh University of Missouri, Kansas City, UMKC. And he will graduate in December. So um, I'm really excited for him. He still lives at home. He's he's your typical basement dwelling uh college student kid still living at home. But he has great goals for he is either thinking of enlisting, yeah. He's talked to a recruiter, or he um maybe wants to go to grad school or he wants to go into the trades. He's got a lot of things he's thinking about and trying to figure out.

Genevieve: 41:27

His world's his moster right now.

Christin: 41:29

It really is. And he's such a smart kid and he's so sweet and tenderhearted. And I know God has great things for him in store. And my middle son, Nate, has he's a senior at Leavenworth High School in Leavenworth, Kansas. And he is already accepted to K-State and to the business school. He wants to be an accountant. Yeah. Um it is important. I don't have to ever pay to have my taxes done again. So um he wants to join the Air Force, so he is going to do Air Force ROTC with the goal of being a pilot. Oh, yeah. So kind of come for full circle there. Um yeah, he's involved in so much stuff at school. Like, so he stays pretty busy, yeah. And then Ariana, uh, we adopted her. We were blessed with her when she was two months old. And we were stationed at Fort Rucker, Alabama at the time.

Genevieve: 42:25

Yeah.

Christin: 42:26

Um, we knew she was premature. We knew she was 10 weeks early when we um got her. We did a foster to adoption thing when she was about one and a half-ish, is when her adoption was finalized, and we moved from Alabama to Colorado.

Genevieve: 42:44

Yeah.

Christin: 42:44

And it's then that when I would take her to the doctor there, uh, it was the Air Force doctor, I'll never forget it. And he was like, Well, she was pre premature, right? And I said, Yeah, she was 10 weeks early. And he goes, Well, what kind of early intervention services has she received? And I said, Nothing.

Genevieve: 42:59

Yeah.

Christin: 43:00

And he goes, Well, every premature child should receive services. And I was just like, I okay, I didn't, I didn't know that. Um, nobody told me that. So I didn't know that was a thing. I I didn't know it was a thing either. And so we immediately started her in services, and we quickly discovered that she was behind in a lot of stuff. I had always thought, well, she's behind because she was so premature.

Genevieve: 43:26

Yeah.

Christin: 43:26

And they were like, no, usually by a year old, they catch up to where they should be. And so we noticed she wasn't walking yet, she wasn't talking yet. Um, they told us that she had some developmental delays. And then um, when she was three years old, she qualified because of how delayed she was in things for preschool. For like if you have a special needs child, they automatically can get placed priority into a preschool program the day they turn three years old. So the day she turned three, she was in preschool. She wasn't talking, she wasn't potty trained, she was three.

Genevieve: 44:05

Yeah.

Christin: 44:05

And um, they were so great with her. She started talking when she was about three and a half, four, and she was potty trained at about the same age, four and four years old, is when she kind of started really developing. But even then, we used a lot of sign language. We couldn't um understand what she was saying. And a lot of that caused these incredible behaviors from her. She would bang her head, she would scratch her face bloody, she would kick walls because she couldn't communicate, she couldn't voice things. And because of that, I couldn't leave the house with her because it was just too much.

Genevieve: 44:43

Yeah.

Christin: 44:43

And you're already kind of Ariana's black and we're a white family, and so we're already bringing a lot of attention to ourselves when we're out and about that with the behaviors on top of that. I was just like, it's easier just to stay at home. But when we moved to Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, um, I took her to a uh psychologist, child psychologist, and she let Ariana completely destroy her office. And I was just like, oh my gosh, she goes, nope, just let her do it. Just let her do it, just let her do it. And she's throwing trash cans and flipping papers and calm as can be, just destroying this lady's office. And she said, Well, Ariana has severe ADHD. She needs to be medicated. And I was like, Oh, I don't want to medicate my child. He goes, She goes, Look, this will help her tremendously. And I tell you, Genevieve, the minute we started her on Adderall.

Genevieve: 45:42

Night and day.

Christin: 45:44

Night and day. Behaviors completely changed. Now, it wasn't perfect. She still had a lot of outbursts. Um, we still had communication problems, uh, but it definitely helps. It definitely helps. And then just continuing services for her speech therapy, occupational therapy. Um, she also has her left eye isn't fully developed. So she has really, really poor vision in her left eye and has to wear glasses and has had surgery and stuff. But um, just doing all the things, getting her all the help we can. She's always been in a special ed classroom, but now you would not know. Like you could talk to her and tell she has a speech delay. Um, she has been her formal diagnosis is ADHD, speech delay, and intellectual disability. So intellectual disability means that she is a very low IQ, low cog child. Um, so she'll always need services and she'll always need support. But she is very independent. She gets up, gets herself ready for school every day. She's doing um a program called Unified Cheerleading and Basketball, where she has peer mentors come in and help them with basketball and cheerleading and all the things. Um, but she's doing so, so well. And it's just been such a joy being the mom to all these kids doing all these different things in all these different places and um all their different stages of life. And one that's almost 22, one that's 18, she's 13. So not only am I dealing with her special needs, which are manageable, but it's also the teenage years.

Genevieve: 47:24

I'm with you.

Christin: 47:25

And it is, oh my goodness, it is a lot. I thought having boys was one thing, but having a teenage girl, I don't think anything can can prepare you for that in life. No, whatsoever. There's no book. There's no book. Oh my goodness. Like what happened to our baby? Right. But it's it's been so much fun. I love being their mom and um I love having them here. And and we're pretty sure that both will move out this summer, both of our boys. And I'm just already heartbroken about that because I love having my kids here with me.

Genevieve: 47:59

Yeah.

Christin: 48:00

But I know I need to let them fly and do their thing and spread their wings.

Genevieve: 48:04

Yeah.

Christin: 48:04

So pray for me for that. Cause come this summer, I'm gonna be a mess.

Genevieve: 48:11

So if I can go back and ask you real quick. So, what um did you always know you wanted to adopt?

Christin: 48:18

Yeah. Oh, that's a good question. Um, yes. So when I was young, really young, I remember watching the 700 Club. If you remember what that is, yeah. I was watching the 700 Club and it was an episode about the lost girls in China. And it was when China still had the one child policy, and a lot of girls were being abandoned or killed or um whatever, because everybody wanted boys. And I remember right then and there going, I want to adopt. I want to adopt a baby from China. And uh, of course, you can't just plan an adoption by yourself. Your spouse has to be on board as well, of course. And and so it's something that I'd always talked about. Um, we got pregnant with Thomas while Jason was in flight school and we were very blessed. And then about two years later, we were trying to get pregnant again and it wasn't happening. And I found out then that I had endometriosis. So it was gonna be very difficult for me to get pregnant again. I had to have a uh procedure in order to get pregnant. And luckily, uh, it was almost they're almost four years apart. The boys are, they're almost exactly four years apart. But I was blessed to have another child night. And then um after that, I was like, I don't want to go through this again, um, but I still really want to adopt. And we had talked about it. We started thinking about adopting internationally, like, what do we want to do? And just everything, we kind of hit roadblocks with everything.

Genevieve: 49:50

Yeah.

Christin: 49:51

With China, you both have to be 30 years old, and we were still in our 20s. And I was like, I don't want to wait till I'm 30. That's old.

Genevieve: 49:58

Really? I didn't know there was an age limit on that. There is.

Christin: 50:01

Well, there was when we were doing all that, and but I thought 30 was so old to be a parent, like to get a brand new baby. Little did I know we got Ariana when I was 30 years old. So um I was driving from Fort Rucker, or we lived in Ozark down to Dothan.

Genevieve: 50:21

Uh-huh.

Christin: 50:21

And I saw these signs on the side of the road, and it said adopt us kids, uskids.org. Become a foster to adoptive parent. And I was like, oh my gosh, Jason, we should do this. We should foster a child that we can adopt. And it'll be an older kid. We don't have to go through the baby stage again.

Genevieve: 50:40

Yeah.

Christin: 50:41

And uh, so we went through the classes, we did the whole thing. We were like, yes, give us an older child. Like, this is perfect, this is great. And then um, we had a failed placement.

Genevieve: 50:52

Yeah.

Christin: 50:53

And I know I mentioned that to you. We had a flip failed placement. And after that, we were like, God, like, I know you want me to do this. You've placed this on my heart when I was like five or six years old. Like, I know this is what you want from us. When she had to be removed from our home, uh, we were just like, What now? A month later, we got a phone call from our social worker, and she said, Are you guys still wanting to adopt? And I said, Yes. She goes, Well, I have a baby. Would you want a baby? And I went, Yeah, like, yeah. And this never happens, Genevieve. This never happens. The birth mom went to the local um child protective where the social workers were, their offices, uh, CPS office, but it wasn't quite CPS. Um, went to her office and said, Hey, I had this baby. I can't take care of her. She's being released from the hospital tomorrow. I want to put her up for adoption. And that afternoon we got the phone call saying, Do you want this baby? And that was like 3:30 in the afternoon. I was at the hospital in Montgomery, Alabama by eight o'clock the next morning.

Genevieve: 52:13

Yeah.

Christin: 52:13

I didn't know her ethnicity. I didn't know anything about her. I just knew this is it. This is it. I wanted her. Um, I went in there, I saw her. She was just this tiny little six, she was six pounds.

Genevieve: 52:26

Wow.

Christin: 52:27

When we picked her up, and she was already eight weeks old.

Genevieve: 52:30

Wow.

Christin: 52:30

So she had been born at two pounds, very premature. She's just this little gremlin-looking thing. And I was just like, I have a baby. We didn't tell anybody. Well, we actually did tell because Jason was the um commander for the flight school at that time. Yeah. So my lovely spouses, who were kind of the FRG leaders for each of the classes, they found out about it through a friend of mine and they rallied. And I got home that day and I had a mountain of donated baby things for me because we had nothing. We had nothing for a baby. And so we brought her home and we kind of put on Facebook. We were like, look what we got today. And it was just this little face in this little car seat. She was so tiny in this little in this car seat. And everybody was just like, oh my God, you got a baby. And I was like, Yeah, that does not happen when you do foster to adopt. Those children have to go through a process of reunification. And usually they're eight years old, median or older. Sometimes you can get like a five-year-old, but those kids have been through a lot. And they're it's finally at the stage where it's like, okay, reunification is not an option. We still had to go through some of that process because her parental rights had been terminated. I got to meet her birth mother. She was very lovely. She just had a really hard life. She was homeless. She didn't have a supportive family. She was also special needs.

Genevieve: 54:04

Yeah.

Christin: 54:04

And um, there was no drug or alcohol abuse. So it was, it was nothing like that. Um, she just had it rough. She had it really, really rough. And she had already had a few kids at this point. And she she didn't have any of them because she knew she couldn't take care of them. So even with her being special needs, uh, she she understood that she couldn't take care of her children and she didn't really have any other options and she wanted to do what was best for them. And at the termination hearing, I told her that. I said, I really respect you for what you've done for doing what's best for Ariana, and we will take care of her. We will take care of her for you.

Genevieve: 54:40

Yeah.

Christin: 54:41

And we are very open about the adoption. We we talk about her birth mom and we talk about what we know and we talk about things very openly. And so that that was that was a fun time. It was a hard time because we were like, we didn't want, we we thought we didn't want a a baby. Yeah, and we were 30 and 32. And I was like, oh man, I exactly what I said I didn't want, God gave me.

Genevieve: 55:07

Right.

Christin: 55:07

And that also just shows like God, God knows what he's doing. He's like, You said you didn't want a baby, you're gonna get a baby.

Genevieve: 55:15

Yeah, yeah.

Christin: 55:16

And we even had put on our adoption paperwork, like we didn't want a child with special needs because we were like, oh, we're not equipped to deal with that. Like we don't like how do we handle that? Well, we got a child with special needs and we've dealt with it just fine.

Genevieve: 55:30

Yeah.

Christin: 55:31

So it's it's um, it's been a journey, and I I would not change anything about it. I really wouldn't. It's just been wonderful. It has, even on the hardest days, it's been great.

Genevieve: 55:41

Yeah, and I think it's great to hear that her mom knew that, but her mom wanted to give her a chance and that you were you were meant to be her mom. And that is that is so heartwarming that I know that there are kids out there that yes, uh they have it hard, but it's a life and giving them that chance because you never know who they're gonna become. You never know what what they're gonna do in the world and what God's plans are for them. So I love that for her. How was that dynamic, real quick, of now having a baby? You have your sons, and tell me real quick, just like how did that um life shift work for you?

Christin: 56:22

Mm-hmm with all so Thomas and Ariana are very close. Thomas is my oldest one. He was eight when we when we got her, so he's eight years older than her, and they are very close, and he's always been so, so good to her. Her and Nate, they they tend to fight a little bit, um, especially when they were younger, because Nate was the baby, and now he's not the baby anymore. Um, so there was a little frustration there.

Genevieve: 56:48

Uh sibling rivalry.

Christin: 56:49

Yes, exactly. So sibling rivalry. That's perfect. Um, but they're great with each other. They they really always have been. He's always been really good. Both of the boys have been really good about playing with her, and they're very patient with her. And um, they learned her language, like Ariana language, because she would say things that the average person wouldn't understand what she was saying, but they could understand and they would help interpret things and they would help. Um, Ariana, is this what you want? And try to mitigate her having these meltdowns. And so they were they were really good brothers with her. I mean, it's just been it's a natural fit. Everything has just kind of naturally come together. So it's definitely meant to be. Oh.

Genevieve: 57:33

Well, I love seeing pictures of them too. Just it does look like they just really take care of her as big brothers. Yeah. Well, to kind of close everything out, I just want to I thank you, by the way. There's so much more I didn't know. So much more from you. So out of everything that you've walked through, what do you think has left maybe the biggest mark on who you are today with all that you've experienced?

Christin: 57:58

Oh man. Um, I would say the first half part of my life, it was definitely losing my parents, but now it's being being a special needs parent. Um, I work in education now, and I see how these kids that have these special needs, that have these needs, either educationally, developmentally, whatever it is, I can relate to them. And I feel like as someone who is in education, I can empathize. Those kids, though those kids at my school are just very near and dear to my heart. And I always make sure that they know that they can always come into my library if they need a break or um if they need some some time away, that I'm a safe place for them to come to to kind of calm down. And the paras use my library a lot because of that.

Genevieve: 59:02

Yeah.

Christin: 59:03

So I think before having a special needs child, I did not really understand, like, well, you should be able to control your kid. Well, that just because your kid has da-da-da doesn't mean that they should act this way. And some of that is still, I think sometimes parents do use their kids having ADHD for them to be wild animals and just run amok and do whatever. But I it's definitely humbled me, especially when uh I remember one time, I don't remember where we were living, I think it was here. I went to Walmart and there was an autistic boy and his mom in the very back of the store, and he was having a meltdown, one of his meltdowns. And he was a big boy. He was he was bigger than his mom. He was probably 12, 13, but he was a big boy.

Genevieve: 59:50

Yeah.

Christin: 59:50

And she was just trying to comfort him. And I and she was crying, and people were like staring at her.

Genevieve: 59:56

Yeah.

Christin: 59:57

And it was just this whole thing. And I just stood there with her and I put my arm on her shoulder and I was like, I understand. Like, I understand. What can I do to help you? Can I go get your car and pull it around? Can I like what? And I prayed with her.

Genevieve: 1:00:08

Yeah.

Christin: 1:00:08

And that was the only comfort at that time that I could give her. But me, the old me, probably would have been one of the ones going, like, geez, like, what's his deal? And that's that's terrible to say and terrible to admit.

Genevieve: 1:00:21

Right.

Christin: 1:00:22

But I I probably would have just cut moved on. I probably, I probably wouldn't just move on and just ignored that it was happening. Yeah. But being a special needs parent and knowing that when my daughter was in the throes of a meltdown in the middle of Hobby Lobby or Target or Walmart or wherever we were, I would have to. Pick her up off the ground like a sack of potatoes, abandon my cart and get to the car.

Genevieve: 1:00:43

Right.

Christin: 1:00:43

It would have been so nice to have somebody stop and just say, Hey, you're doing a great job, or hey, how can I help you? Or can I pray with you or something? So it's really um opened my eyes and made my heart a little bit more tender, a lot more tender towards um kids and families who are dealing with things like that. I try to really advocate for kids with special needs to get the help that they need and to also the parents get the help that they need and being that parent to that special needs child. Yeah.

Genevieve: 1:01:16

Yeah. What was that reaction of that mom when you were able to give her that little bit of comfort in the middle of the chaos?

Christin: 1:01:22

She was really thankful. She was really embarrassed. Um, her son had picked up a toy out of someone else's cart, like it was very, very innocent. But she said, the looks that they gave me, like the looks that they gave me, she was just so embarrassed about that. And I was like, you just stay back here and you take as much time as you need. Don't worry about them. And um she she had a handle on it. Her husband was coming up to help her get him in the car because he was very big. Something else about special needs children, they seem to have superhuman strength. And so I guess maybe an old one. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is, but it's like when Ariana was little and she'd have one of her fits, it was like wrestling a full-grown man sometimes. It was like, what is going on here? But um, she was really thankful. I don't think anybody had ever done that for her.

Genevieve: 1:02:09

Yeah.

Christin: 1:02:10

And it was very outside of my comfort zone because I'm a very introverted person.

Genevieve: 1:02:14

Yeah.

Christin: 1:02:15

And I'm kind of one of those, like, oh, I don't want to get involved. But I just I could just feel, I could feel exactly what she was feeling. Yeah. And I was crying with her. And it was just, it was a it was a moment that we had together, and it was um something that was definitely life-altering for me in a good way.

Genevieve: 1:02:33

Yeah. I think if we all can just do that too, is just have a little bit more understanding of what everybody else is going through. Cause just like with the hidden chapters, we are all going through something. But if we just have a little bit more of a a kindness and a grace that we can give each other that maybe there was just a bad day, maybe there was, you know, whatever it is that we are uh a little kinder to each other for those situations. Absolutely. So um so what encouragement has carried you through some of your hardest chapters that you would want to share with somebody who's listening today? Because this you said was the first time you've gotten to really share your story.

Christin: 1:03:18

Yeah, so when I was having to deal with the things that I went through in Colorado, so the beginning of my when my parents died, it was definitely my pseudo-family situation. That was that was helpful in getting helping me um deal with that. In the uh the other situations when we lived in Colorado that first year, just the first year. We were there for four years, just that first year was terrible. Um, I joined a Bible study group at my church, a women's Bible study. Yeah, and there were older women in that group. And oh my gosh, the wisdom that they gave me just in how to deal with the stuff with my brother and and losing that other family that I had had, coming from a biblical standpoint and things, and they were just like, God puts people in your life, but he removes people from your life for a reason too. And um, just because somebody is a family member, what you would consider a family member, doesn't mean that they're healthy for you, and you don't have to force that relationship if it's not good for you. I mean, it was just so encouraging. And uh I remember the very first day I went to this Bible study, the nursery worker actually came up and got me and said that you need to take your daughter because she's rustling all the children. Like she was running at kids and pushing them down on the ground. That's how she plays with her brothers.

Genevieve: 1:04:42

Right.

Christin: 1:04:42

And um, I was so embarrassed and I was like, Well, I can't bring her up here. She won't, she wouldn't stay up, like it would be a nightmare. So I just left. And I remember being so embarrassed about that. But then the nursery worker that Sunday when we went to church, she was like, Look, yeah, I understand Ariane has special needs. We will never do that again. We want you to come. We want you to bring her. We will, we will handle it. And so I was able to go to that Bible study and thank God I did, because I I don't know if I would have been able to handle the things going on with my brother, the things deal I was dealing with with my daughter and my husband's job, losing my second family. I don't know if I would be able to handle that without them giving me these little nuggets of wisdom. I just always getting these little nuggets of wisdom. Yeah, I don't think I would have been able to handle it as well as I did. And thank God it was only a year. Thank thank God. Thank you, God, that it was only a year. And things got a lot better after that. Once I was able to let go of my brother, let go of that family, uh, things got exponentially better.

Genevieve: 1:05:44

Like it was night and day. But don't know if we got to really talk about that separation with the family.

Christin: 1:05:52

Um, it's it's kind of short, it's not okay. Um, so with my brother, when he was arrested for sexual assault, um, I had had my my sister-in-law had been on my mind that day. And my mother always taught me that if anybody's on your mind, you need to call them and pray for them.

Genevieve: 1:06:10

Okay.

Christin: 1:06:10

So I called her. She didn't answer a phone. And a little while later, I called her again and she was like, Um, so I guess you heard. And I went, No, I haven't heard anything. What's up? Like, I just you've been on my mind all day, and I thought I would call you. And she's like, Well, your brother's been arrested, and this is what happened. And they were already um kind of having a really rocky marriage at that point. There was a lot of infidelity on my brother's point part. Um, I should mention his sexual assault. Well, I think I did mention it was against a minor.

Genevieve: 1:06:41

Yeah.

Christin: 1:06:42

And uh, so she kind of told me what happened. I was like, oh my gosh, like, oh my gosh. The only thing that I had been told by my pseudo mom was that my brother and my sister-in-law were going to get divorced. Okay. She never mentioned to me that he had been arrested. She never mentioned to me the accusations, nothing. So I found that out from my sister-in-law.

Genevieve: 1:07:05

So the things were being kept from you.

Christin: 1:07:07

Things were being kept from me a lot. Yeah. Um, and looking back, I can see where there was a lot of stuff. Like it was a very, I feel like one-sided relationship where I was giving all of myself to them as a daughter. My kids were calling them their grandparents, but I think it was more for show for them that, oh, we took in these orphans.

Genevieve: 1:07:26

And they were friends of your parents.

Christin: 1:07:28

They were my parents' best friends. Yeah.

Genevieve: 1:07:29

Okay. So you didn't.

Christin: 1:07:30

Yeah.

Genevieve: 1:07:31

Okay.

Christin: 1:07:31

Mm-hmm. Um, when all that happened with my brother, the conversations with my pseudo-mom became less and less, they became very strained. My brother would call me and tell me things that she was saying. And one of the things he told me that she said was, Well, if she, meaning me, is not for you, then she's against you. And we don't want her to be part of this, part of our lives. The stance that I had already always taken with my brother, it was very important for him that I said, I believe you. I believe you didn't do this. It was very important for me to say that to him. I never did. I told him, I'm going to stand on the side of truth. I'm praying that the truth will reveal itself. And if you're guilty, you'll be found guilty. And if you're innocent, you'll be found innocent. But in this, I have to stay neutral because I have a niece that I want to be part of her life.

Genevieve: 1:08:30

Yeah.

Christin: 1:08:31

And if I go all in with you, I'm not going to be able to be part of her life. That's not going to be good for her. So I stayed neutral through the whole thing. Part of me, deep down, I knew he did it. I knew he did it. Just based on the things that my sister-in-law had told me that he had been doing during their marriage.

Genevieve: 1:08:50

Yeah.

Christin: 1:08:51

And he didn't know I knew this. Nobody knew I knew this. So because I took that stance, she stopped having anything to do with me. She didn't want to communicate with me. She told me that I was basically an enemy of the family. And um I remember that last Christmas she sent one of my kids Christmas gifts. And I was like, okay, this is a very, very clear ending of the relationship. Um, that she only sent my middle son because he was cute and little. She only sent him gifts. And uh after that, I just stopped, I just stopped talking to her. I just stopped. I was like, this is a very one-sided conversation. It's very tense, it's very stressful. I don't, I don't want to have anything to do with this. And it was really sad because they were my parents' best friends. Right. And they had made all these excuses for my brother his whole life and all the things he was doing. And I was just like, hold this boy accountable.

Genevieve: 1:09:56

Yeah.

Christin: 1:09:57

And it never happens because they they thought they were doing right by my parents. I don't know what they thought they were doing, but it was, it was almost like mourning a second set of parents dying. Like I had my mom and dad.

Genevieve: 1:10:08

Yeah.

Christin: 1:10:08

And then I had this other family. They had two boys that I considered my brothers. I considered their wives, my sister-in-laws. I considered their children, my nieces and nephews. I considered the grandparents, my grandparents, the aunts and uncles, my aunts and uncles, the cousins, my cousins. Like I had this huge family that I was able to be part of. And it was just all just taken from me with no real reason. Because it's like, why can't we disagree on something and still have a relationship? But it's then that it became very clear to me that it was all show for her, and it was about control. She wanted to be able to control me and control what I believed and thought as far as my brother went. And I couldn't do that. I couldn't be on my brother's side. I just couldn't.

Genevieve: 1:10:59

So you even had to grieve all of that when you were going through your own life and military stuff.

Christin: 1:11:06

And so all that was happening that first year in Colorado, all of that. Yeah. And then um when I got the phone call, and I don't remember if it was her that called me. I think it was her. She called me and told me, Well, I just want to let you know your brother pled guilty. And I was just like, Okay, thank you. So you don't have to come testify. Okay, thank you. And that was about it. And that was the last time we ever spoke. And I have had no communication with them. Um, there's been nothing. This all happened like so many years ago. Uh, I can look back and I see these little things that happened through those years, those 10 years that we were a family. And I can see, oh, hmm, that that was a red flag. Oh, that's a red flag. Like I can see it now. I couldn't see it then. All I wanted was parents. And there's still a part of me that when an older woman gives me a hug or something, I kind of almost have this like maternal feeling, like I need that maternal thing. Yeah. Cause I've never really had that person to call and say, Hey, how do you make a boiled egg? You know, I've never had that. I mean, I have my mother-in-law, but she's never cooked either, but so she wouldn't know. Um, so I never, I've never had that. I've never had that as an adult woman after I lost them, yeah. My pseudo family. I never I haven't had that. And I still sometimes seek that. And it's yeah, it's kind of weird because I'm in my 40s and I have adult children now that I'm still like, I want a mom.

Genevieve: 1:12:46

Yeah.

Christin: 1:12:46

And I've my kids don't have grandparents, and that's really sad.

Genevieve: 1:12:50

And that is sad.

Christin: 1:12:50

That is sad to think that too. Yeah. My husband's parents have died, so and then his sisters died. So my kids don't have any aunts or uncles, and they don't have any grandparents. And they have one cousin. That's it. And it's it was hard. I went from this massive family to the people in my house. And that also kind of circles back to I've learned, and this is how I've coped with it. Yeah, I've learned that the people who are in my home are my family, yeah, and they are the ones that matter the most.

Genevieve: 1:13:21

Right.

Christin: 1:13:21

At the end of the day, my husband and my children are what matter the most to me. And that's the relationships that I need to focus on.

Genevieve: 1:13:29

So to kind of give a last reflection, so what do you hope that your story leaves behind for your kids, your friends, or even someone listening today who may never get to meet you in person?

Christin: 1:13:42

I hope that people can listen to my story and uh the chapters that I've shared and know that no matter what is going on in your life, you can rise from the ashes. That's kind of how that I've always kind of thought in my head the beauty from ashes thing is like you have just these terrible, terrible things happening in your life. But if you've ever looked at like a tree that's been struck by lightning and it's dead and it's all gnarled and stuff, really look at that and it's beautiful. Like it's a really beautiful thing. Um you look at these broken down barns in the middle of a field and you're like, oh, that's sad that it's broken down. But if you really look at it, it's beautiful. Like it's just a beautiful scene. And that's what I've kind of looked at through my life is that if these things hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I hope that I am a good person. I tend to be a little sarcastic sometimes, and that's not the best character trait to have. But um, I hope that people and my kids can see resilience in me. Let's use a big army word, resilience. It used to be still right, that I've been resilient. And no matter how in the dumps I felt, I've always known tomorrow can be better, tomorrow can be better, tomorrow can be better. It will get better. You're going to have things happen to you in life. That is life. We're not perfect. Um, but tomorrow is going to be better. And that tomorrow might be a year from now, that tomorrow might be a month from now, it might actually be tomorrow. But no matter what happens, things will get better for you. And um, you've got to let God have control over that. You can't have control, you have to give it to God because if you try to have control, it's not gonna get better. You have to lean on God for those things to get better in your life.

Genevieve: 1:15:34

That's great advice. I need that too. It's just giving him more of that trust.

Christin: 1:15:39

Oh yeah. It's hard. We want to have control, but we can't.

Genevieve: 1:15:46

Well, Kristen, I want to say thank you again for just sharing more. I get to got to learn more about just some of the things of your life and how you went through that. If anybody wanted to talk to you about or reach out to you about anything special needs that you have resources for or just anything else that maybe they've resonated with your story specifically, where would be the best place to reach you? And I'll still put it in the show notes.

Christin: 1:16:11

Yeah, so um I I I have an email address at um at my email address or through Facebook Messenger, Instagram, whatever. Um Yeah.

Genevieve: 1:16:22

All right, I'll go ahead and put those in the show notes too, because I I hope that you know, people listening to all of these stories that I know that it'll hit just that right person that they'll feel that pull to go, oh my gosh, this is me right now, or this is what I need, and to hopefully find comfort in what you've shared.

Christin: 1:16:37

So yeah, thank you. I'll send you my email address. Or you have my email address, don't you? I have it.

Genevieve: 1:16:42

Yeah, I'll just put that in the show notes for everyone.

Christin: 1:16:44

Awesome.

Genevieve: 1:16:45

Okay, well, thank you again for for coming on.

Christin: 1:16:48

Thank you for having me.

Genevieve: 1:16:52

Kristen's story is such a beautiful reminder that even through loss, challenges, and seasons we never expect, God can bring beauty from ashes. Her faith, resilience, and the lessons she's learned along the way are inspiring, not just for me, but for anyone navigating hard chapters in life. If you were moved by Kristen's story, the conversation doesn't have to end here. You can join me over on Substack, where I share more reflections and open the space for us to keep talking about this episode or other hidden life chapters. You can sign up for my newsletter, The Next Chapter Notes, at hiddenchapters.substack.com. I'll also leave it in the show notes. Until next time, thank you for listening to Hidden Chapters with me, Genevieve.