When Strength Meant Silence. How Early Loss Shaped Identity, Relationships, and Healing

Episode Summary: 

This conversation with Alex explores how early, unspoken family trauma shaped her identity, coping patterns, and relationships. A sudden financial collapse during her late teens created instability, emotional suppression, and a belief that strength meant independence and silence. In her twenties, that unprocessed grief showed up as self-sabotage, addiction, unstable relationships, and repeated rock bottoms. Healing began when Alex stopped looking for external fixes and instead faced her internal patterns, especially in romantic relationships. Through therapy, community, and a secure partnership, she learned boundaries, emotional honesty, and the power of connection. Today, she channels her lived experience into advocacy and leadership within military and foreign-born spouse communities, helping others navigate transitions, identity, and belonging.

What We Talked About in This Episode: 

• Unspoken family trauma and emotional suppression
• Repeating cycles of self-sabotage
• Healing through boundaries and relationships
• Why asking for help changes everything
• Finding identity through community
 

Alex’s Core Hidden Chapter Moment: 

The hidden chapter moment was not the financial collapse itself. It was the belief she formed afterward. That she had to be emotionally self-sufficient, unbreakable, and worthy only through achievement. This belief quietly shaped her addictions, relationships, and self-worth for years until she faced it directly.

Resources and Mentions: 

FMSN Foreign Born Military Spouse Network: FMSN Linktree

🔗 Alex's FMSN email address is atomaso@fbmnetwork.org.

🔗 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexandra-pop-apt/

📩 Email: alexxandra.pop@gmail.com

Resources: Military Spouse Advocacy Network: https://www.militaryspouseadvocacynetwork.org/

 Who This Episode Is For

This episode is for anyone navigating unprocessed tra

Transcript

Genevieve 0:00

Welcome to Hidden chapters. I'm your host, Genevieve, and this is a space where we slow down and honor the stories we don't always see. Today I'm talking with Alex, whose story takes us into what happens when life changes suddenly and you're forced to grow up faster than you were ready for. In her late teens, Alex experienced a major family financial collapse that reshaped her sense of safety and responsibility. What looked like strength on the outside often meant silence on the inside. She learned early that independence meant safety, and that asking for help felt like failure. From the outside, Alex kept going. She showed up capable and composed, but internally, those beliefs followed her into adulthood, shaping her identity, her relationships, and the patterns she couldn't quite break. In this conversation, Alex shares what it looked like to finally question those beliefs and recognize that healing doesn't happen in isolation. We talk about emotional honesty, vulnerability, and the courage it takes to ask for help even when it feels uncomfortable. This is Alex's second chapter. So thank you, Alex, for spending time with me this morning. I know that uh you've been a very busy lady as well and having some personal things going on, so I hope all is going well for you. Alex and I, we first got connected through LinkedIn and a mutual friend. So this felt like a great natural fit. So what made you feel like hidden chapters was the right place to finally share your story with everyone?

Alex 1:41

I think your past your platform does that. Exactly as many interviews as I listened. There was a small piece of what some guests had said, already including yourself, that made me realize how much I understand that, you know, I've been there, maybe not, but I understand that that was a very difficult moment and it's how I felt, or it was similar.

Genevieve 2:01

Yeah.

Alex 2:01

It helped me understand that that's exactly what I needed a long time ago. Someone to relate to me. So I think overall it's a place where people can resonate and relate, and that offers connection and the beginning of you know, a healing journey. And then, as I told you, I think other times, it's you have that good balance of asking deep questions, but not too intrusive or too personal. And that helps the guest know how to be at ease and comfortable enough to talk about the discomfort that you know we all have in our lives.

Genevieve 2:48

I appreciate that. I I that is what the heart of was behind hidden chapters. We all have these things that we've been through. And just to be able to hear someone else articulate something that maybe you are at the time not able to really just gives you that sense of of you're not alone. So I love that. I appreciate that so much. So I love that you also described your story when we spoke as with the word becoming. And I heard that when you were mentioning uh the podcast of why you wanted to share it now. So when you think about that word today, what does that word becoming mean for you?

Alex 3:29

For the longest time, I I thought that any type of healing or transformation or outcome can somehow mean that I need to be someone else uh than who I am. But what actual for me becoming means is every day being the person that I want to be. And most of the time those answers are not on the outside, like I said before, outsourced. But what I'm understanding also that is that the skills of learning how to manage parts of yourself and in your life are actually helping you to become the person that you want to be. So it is good to reach outside to learn those skills, but knowing how to integrate them is always an inside job, so to speak. So technically it's I guess a life in motion. You don't really have a clear destination, but you are trusting enough that the unfoldings, the next steps are gonna offer space for growth.

Genevieve 4:32

If we can go back just a little bit to give a little history of how you've come to this point. So you mentioned in your late teens that there was a major economic shift in your life. So, what was life like for you at that time, and how did that start shaping the person you have become?

Alex 4:52

Yes. So uh that is actually that is the sort of the foundation, that period of my life, uh, the foundation of some uh maladaptative uh periods uh like of my life. So um I grew up in an East European country in the mid-80s to 90s, obviously post-communism, during communism, post-communism. So um for any of your listeners that comes with a lot of you know uh baggage and hardship. Um I grew up in a mid-sized town, uh knowing very well that image is a very important part of who you are. My parents built a successful business and that comes with image, status, holding all of that, keeping all of that, keeping appearances. So part of it was uh embedded in our family life. My father came from extreme poverty, my mom came from a wealthy family, very dysfunctional, uh, which carried through in our family. So I was raised with a fair amount of dysfunction, volatile environment, instability. I do know that they absolutely did the best they could because I see now and in hindsight, I know what they you know what they brought into their relationship, but they work hard, they work hard to build something uh good, successful, but that always came with um with other other types of strings attached. And ultimately, during my last two years of high school, I felt like things were not going very well. Uh I couldn't really tell because I wasn't told about you know what was appalling, what was happening. Um but things started to to change, you know. We had to move houses, we had to downsize to, I guess, a few properties. So overall, uh the understanding that something is happening uh was present. I just wasn't told clearly what was happening, but then my mom had to move abroad um somehow under the disguise of a business opportunity. My dad followed. Um and long story short, what happened was a huge financial collapse. Uh they had lost everything, you know, properties, cars, uh business, houses, everything. It was a lot. And you know it's not something that happens in a month or two. Like I said, it was the tensions, the growing tensions in our family house that something is happening. But I was raised as uh a child that is independent. As my mom said, I never had to worry about you, you know. You know, that now we know that what that actually means. So I uh she trusted that I I knew how to to handle that, like you know, how to handle something that you're not really being told uh explicitly what uh what it is, but she, you know, she again she did the best she could, but with that loss came um the loss of everything, you know, and the loss of belonging, loss of identity, um, safety. There was no more sense of stability. So that was the beginning of shaping something that I call my own personal betrayal, and the fact that I somehow said, okay, I need to have and acquire things that no one can take away from me. And you know, that is usually school, that's knowledge, skills, and emotional stability, because that was a huge thing. I did not want to be perceived as emotionally stable, which happened during, you know, my some so to speak, it what I've noticed around me when people were going through really hardship. I in my house, I wasn't allowed to do that. I had to, you know, be strong. So when you're you know 18, 19, 20, that that that's a lot to carry. Those are formative years, absolutely. And I think what I told myself at that point is that I will not allow my emotions to somehow dictate what I do. When that was, I think, the biggest lie I was telling myself because the all of those bad behaviors, the cycle of you know, alcohol addiction, I started smoking just little normal cigarettes. I had never smoked during my you know teenage years when people try also. I was just I just wasn't interested. At 19 and a half, 20, I started smoking just so I can have an outlet for coping with all of that. Um, you know, alcohol, all of that. And during your I lost my scholarship for my first during my first year of um of university because there was a lot to handle, like wow.

Genevieve 10:27

So as you were moving from teen to your early adulthood, those things started to manifest because you had no outlet.

Alex 10:34

Absolutely, and I knew that it's important to me to keep carry on uh studying, yeah. I wanted that, but that meant I had to pay for those studies. And we're not talking about the same, you know, uh, I guess uh because of what was everything was happening, to add an additional layer of you know, payment to your pay for your education to all of that was you know um even adding more to your hardship. So and I again I tied that to my unlovability, unworthiness. I wasn't uh smart enough and all of that, because I was taught to uh trust the idea that if you don't have this image, if you don't have what others perceive as successful, good, or lovable, you you're not worthy. So uh that was hard, but I pushed through because I knew the only thing that will eventually help me get past this will be the knowledge and the skills, and I will get better at uh other things. So I would I think it was a lot of facade, and that just um rippled throughout my uh twenties and a lot of unhealthy behaviors and um unhealthy patterns for sure.

Genevieve 11:56

Yeah. Because that was the other thing I wanted to ask was as you started to go through those things, what were those experiences in your 20s that maybe helped you grow in ways that you didn't expect since you had to tackle a lot of these things on your own and and figure out these feelings?

Alex 12:16

My my 20s were for sure the big decade of every two years a rock bottom that I will somehow orchestrate myself or sabotage myself enough to to get to were a lot of unprocessed grief, rage, a continuous search for survival, searching, something from the outside that will make me understand why this pain exists and why uh what I need to do to fix it. It was always an external thing that I that I was looking for, a reinvention that I was looking for to offer an explanation for why was everything happening, why were people leaving, why I I got to I engage in extreme behaviors that I made people leave, and I wasn't even aware that that's the pain that is coming out in ways that it needs to be addressed, but I I didn't want to to recognize that because I was like, I'm emotionally stable enough to know how to deal with this, and I will not I'm strong enough, right? I will not let my emotions dictate what I do when in fact they were absolutely owning me. And uh I think what I suppressed is also what surprised me in terms of the silent awareness and understanding that until I actually make peace inside with who I am and what has happened and how I can move forward, there's nothing that is gonna help me externally to to be a better human because for me that was that was it. I was not a good enough human because of everything that has happened, and to carry that weight with you is heavy. Uh and it's as I know now, and it I absolutely when you think that about yourself, you attract environment and people that think that too. Like, right? They they somehow you're looking for validation, you're gonna get it. When you are in an unhealed yes, when you are in an unhealed place, you're gonna find the people that are gonna validate your your experiences, and validation is not that, but when that valid validation offers a containment, only a containment for what you know, and it does not allow outside perspective, or it you're not ready enough to allow the pain to be transformed, you just want to carry it as a badge of honor. That that's how I was looking at it, right?

Genevieve 15:14

It's like right. It's almost like validating the excuse that you can continue to do this. I understand that.

Alex 15:21

You know, the the chaotic, the the very brutal moments of my uh of what has happened, uh had happened to my family taught me was that okay, start you know how to start over, and that's good because that's a strength. So that's what I considered as um as a strength. Like that, I I held so much blame and guilt and unlovability from that breakup to myself, like, I'm not gonna allow this, I'm gonna know how to you know to exit this. Um because I just wanted someone to validate it that was very, very painful for me at that time, and I also did not deserve it. And I wasn't allowing myself to say that out loud. So what I did is I took it out in other relationships, but I allowed those relationships, those future relationships to destabilize me enough to like it's not, it's not the other person. It's something that I do and I hold the dynamic that I can change. And that was all absolutely possible with a more holistic approach.

Genevieve 16:31

So going back a little bit then to why you started to recognize you needed to have this uh different way of looking at things or different cycle, breaking that cycle of things that you've already been through. Uh, I remember you had mentioned to me that it was during your international, your third international move that you talked about, was around that time that you had met your husband.

Alex 16:57

Yeah.

Genevieve 16:58

And also after all the work that you had done and everything, you weren't even sure that this relationship was going to work out. So, what was it about this particular relationship and him that started to help you see things a little differently and that maybe taught you from this point something new about love and trust?

Alex 17:19

So um I was like 32 when I met my husband. Um and I was like I mentioned, I was just at the beginning of touching the pattern, the emotional pattern that I had in terms of romantic relationships, some someone that I was looking at, the type of person that will uh will emotionally validate everything I knew about love and trust and uh belonging. I need to fix the other person and not myself because that's what I was, you know, that's how my previous relationship had been. And for better or worse, like I said, those men were men that were now ready to look at their own internal world, and they're you know, they're definitely emotionally unavailable. Uh but with that move was the the space that I needed to understand that that's the deep work that I now have to do. I know now how to be be stable from other, you know, perspectives. I needed to touch the the intimate romantic relationship uh part. And I knew that that's gonna be the key to how I move forward in life. Uh and I knew enough that so I knew enough that whoever else enters in my life needs to be a person that is ready to work through that with me. And I knew that it's very hard because I hadn't done enough work in in that particular you know um section of my life to to sustain a relationship with that type of person. And the circumstances of that time is that I was only supposed to be in Germany for one year, and when I met my husband, my now husband, um I wasn't actually looking for maybe a serious relationship, and I don't want that to sound like very um I guess flow. No, not at all. It it wasn't it didn't even start like a relationship. Uh it started more of a um to like he was obviously in the military and had moved to to Germany just a few months before, just like me. So there were a lot of other, I guess, similarities. That we shared in like a new culture and everything, uh, which wasn't difficult for me to navigate. So I was like, I'm gonna teach you, I'm gonna give you a few uh tips and tools and how to you know navigate all of this. But I was also uh honest with him that I am there for uh for a year because you know, professionally that's where I was at. Fortunately, you know, after a year you come back and we, you know, you look over the position. Um so the way it started was that he from the moment that we met, he was able to enter the the dynamic that was in even a relationship that was the potential of that, already knowing how to speak with me, how to honestly meet me where I was. Like that question you asked, the the curiosity, also the the transparency and the honesty is like look, I I have to be honest with you. Uh like I I want to be part of your life and I want to get to know you you better. I'm not really looking into just something uh like a fleeting relationship. And I wasn't honest with him at that point. I have to, and he knows that I was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, I can I can do that, right? I I know how to do that. Um I was like, no, no, I'm totally uh that's what I'm looking for when I wasn't honest, so that was the not being honest part, and it's like, yeah, I don't think you're there yet. And he was so right. I was like, how can he see that? Like, right? Um, so shortly, he was the type of person he's still here that had done enough work on himself at that time to know what he's looking for, to uh understand that everyone comes with a baggage, but it has to be examined in order to enter uh a trustful, loving relationship. And he knew how to steer the relationship in that way to listen to the needs that I was expressing, but not explicitly, I was just telling stories. Uh, and that was the beginning of for me of like, I think I want to work at this more deeply. It was a very safe environment for me to want to work on that relationship. And I I remember when my therapist uh one of my therapists said that it is your internal work and you're gonna do it. But the healthy part of a relationship is gonna be the moment you find someone that wants to do that with you. So um I could not even like the first six months. I was like, Am I really real? Is this really happening to me? Like, you know, uh and it did. He had so much patience, so much calm, so much grace. Um, and he he knew how to to hold that, to be that, I guess, safe emotional container. But my husband is a very boundary person, also. I think that's what I liked. I I did not come from a place of boundaries at all, and I did not know how to hold them properly or uh respect them properly. And I that that was the the disconnect with within myself because I I'm I like that and I like that, but I I was never modeled. And that and it was very hard, and my husband knew how to do that with a lot of love um and kindness. The real that was the realization that I hold my part and I have to help myself first, you know, before anyone else can help me, and know when to ask for help and offer help because they're very important.

Genevieve 24:07

Which is interesting you say that because being military spouse, you have that kind of community where you need to ask for help and you will have that when when you need it. So now that you are an active military spouse in that community, how would you say you you started to find your voice there and what drew you now into the role that you are doing as a military spouse in leadership and advocacy?

Alex 24:33

I don't know really what I can bring to whatever military's life is all about. And I wasn't super uh estranged from the military life in a way, so to speak. Like I I had enough understanding, and even in the UK, I was uh active in the military community there through some extensions of my work. So I I had some understanding of what what it means, not what it means to be a US military spouse for sure, because that's that's a bit different. But then I was like, oh, I think I can actually um bring some good skills and understanding, and I can give back. Uh that's a huge part of what I do, and this phase of life as a parent, because I'm navigating being a military spouse at I guess, you know, in my midlife, uh as a parent. And with this lifestyle comes a lot of flexibility from one partner. We have to be honest, because that's what it is, and I am actually someone that's happy to do that right now, because it also allows me to work on other more creative parts of my life that uh somehow come together more harmoniously in our family unit, and it's needed. So either I advocate for the foreign worm community or any military spouse because it's hard. Being a military spouse is just hard. The the constant pivot that you have to to make, which I'm thankfully, I came equipped enough in this world to know how to do those.

Genevieve 26:26

But it still never prepares you because I've been told people tell me all the time they go, Oh, but you were a military kid. You know, you're used to this. No, it's not how that works.

Alex 26:35

You have to model it now. That's that's my response. I have to model it for my daughter, knowing that well, there are some things that you're gonna have to learn how to like you have you will have to adapt faster than probably you know regular individuals that don't have to go through so many moves and you know other challenges. And I think it's the fact that I have a little bit more of a roadmap to certain aspects of being in constant transitions. Uh and I would like to share those for anyone that can take a little bit of uh, you know, that that knowledge and that information that would be the answer to someone that something that you know they're uh going through. And uh it's just somehow yeah, that's right now it's where I need to be and what I can, you know, what I can offer uh and give back to the the large community uh that I have the white community around here, not just the military community, but the bridge between that military and civilian community that sometimes I'm very good at facilitating. And I and I I actually like that.

Genevieve 28:16

So um well, I wanted to make sure I mentioned the programs that you are involved in so that anyone that is listening gets uh a resource that they could also use if they are in your season and time. So I know you said programs like the Emerging Leaders Course and the Military Spouse Advocacy Network and the Foreign Born Military Spouse Network. I know those all have been umes that you have been a part of. And can you explain a little bit about those and how those experiences have been helpful for you? Or programmed experiences?

Alex 28:50

So the foreign-born military spouses community uh one of the most, or at least has been until recently, one of the most underrepresented communities with military background. But they've existed for as long as the military has existed, right? And um this is a community that comes with an extra set of challenges, and that's not just in the immigration challenges, but is the cultural integration of all of those challenges that it's a process, it's a process to learn for the foreign-born spouse and for the American spouse. Um, and those necessary challenges don't really they might fade away, but don't really disappear once you naturalize and you get your citizenship, they're still part of you. And I raise a bilingual child, I raise a multicultural child, and I have to be honest, being multicultural is exactly at the heart of who I am. Because growing up on a border city where I grew up, it's a border city, right? And there were three, four languages that were spoken that I was very normal to me, right? That was the norm. I'm enough to know that this is how life is a very important part of life, right? Uh being multicultural. So I feel like the foreign born military spouses community is one of those organizations that I'm right now gonna dedicate a time to represent and the board, because they come in with a lot of tailored support for the foreign born military spouse entering this world. And until now, that wasn't clearly defined for the the foreign born military spouse. There wasn't the resources weren't exactly tailored to them. Uh, they weren't maybe cultural sensitive, but now it exists. And it's so important to just know that you can find someone that will laugh at the same jokes that you you you do because they understand like I can I've been gone from my home country for 17 years, and at this location where I am right now, I found I have a very, very dear friend of mine that uh shares my my culture, and we you know, we we she's in our wider group of friends, and just knowing that she understands some sarcasm that I might use that is not with ill intent at all, it absolutely nourishes your entire being. Like it's just something that until you have it and you've missed it for so long, you can't necessarily pain point, but it brings so much um an extra layer of protect uh uh not protection, extra layer of connection that you get with somebody. I I think that knowing that such an organization exists, like the poor and born military community, to the very least, in addition to the the actual resources that help you navigate the military world, that you will find at some location where you're gonna be either ice or an iconus, you were fine gonna find someone that can share that cultural similarity and that health. And the emerging leader programs that I went through, the military spouse advocacy uh network was what I needed in terms of deciding that I'm gonna follow a more creative path going forward. I'm gonna use my skills uh for continuing to advocate and help communities that I can help. And I'm talking about, you know, where my actual skills come in through in crisis and intervention and um uh building classic responses and frameworks for uh what I do as a volunteer and work, but through the leadership program that they there are a few leadership programs that they are uh you know they have. I realize that I'm you know I'm gonna start working on my creative part, and that is what's gonna most likely carry me through this military world, the next decade of military world that we have. And it offers a place for for spouses to both work on the skills that they you know, their leadership skills, and that can be self-leadership or in your communities or in your classroom. It's a place where you can gain more than just a like not just a course. You're not gonna just have a course, you're gonna gain uh in addition to knowledge connections, important connections that are gonna align with uh what whatever you're trying to build. And uh it was very important because it was also my way of uh of giving back and and receiving, it's part of the the same pro process that I'm you know going through. And to the very least, for me, is knowing that if people want to reach out to these two uh organizations and unless you're gonna find a person that very likely is gonna have similar questions, but most importantly, it's gonna help you untangle this web of resources that exist because there are so many resources that is overwhelming sometimes, and equally people feel left behind fair alone, unsupported because of the constant uh transitions, and that's where perhaps associating or affiliating yourself with two, three organizations that really uh, you know, not necessarily the matter that they can support you and you can support them is the beginning of untangling the military world itself, either professionally, personally, logistically, all of that, and even emotionally, you're gonna find someone that's gonna help you navigate a difficult season of your life. And they're there, and they're there, and I really hope people will start using them more often, particularly the world war community, because now there's finally a more um fat yet complex place where you can reach out and find answers and connection more than anything. I I know that you're gonna, you know, anyone is gonna find connection.

Genevieve 36:19

Yeah, I love that because yeah, there's a ton of resources out there in the military space, they just need to be utilized well.

Alex 36:26

And there are many. Yeah, there are many old in a way. I I can it seems easy, but it's not as much, and that's I think where people start to give off the no, this sounds a bit complicated. So I know I'm gonna look for something else. Probably you're just gonna have to ask a different question or ask someone to help, you know, understand can this resource be the or facilitate you know, a connection to another resource that I actually need? Because those are the type of questions that can be also answered when you reach out to organizations like when you can't maybe accurately uh uh articulate your need, right? Because that that's likely sometimes what happens.

Genevieve 37:14

Well, these communities are so good to be part of. So, how has that focus on the community actually helped you navigate through some of your own hidden chapters?

Alex 37:25

Um so this is what I know and this is what I'm building right now, and the reason I'm navigating hidden chapters the way I am is because I am a very firm believer in any type of healing that happens in connection with connection, and we know that I resisted that space for a very long time, and it only showed me every each and every time that I had to listen to it more than I resisted it, otherwise it just cut keeps coming back louder and louder until there's you know no more. Uh there's there's uh now room to to process what's happening. So um navigating communities and hidden chapters, hard chapters that we now know that discomfort actually is an opportunity for growth at any time. You just have to learn how to navigate it. I think it's very healthy to know the boundaries that you need to set in place to have, and also it's very important to know when to walk away because when you're at different stages of healing, it's not gonna bring clarity for you or the other person if you're not taking the time and space to walk away and understand what why there is this huge disconnect.

Genevieve 39:08

So there also has to be a willingness to want to understand people as well.

Alex 39:12

Because so technically that's what it is. If that person is not at the stage, and I was there at the to have the willingness to accept different perspectives, and it's that's exactly what it is. It it's you my inability to meet the person or the group and the community to meet them where they are, like right, where they're at, and uh vice versa. And that creates disconnect, and sometimes the disconnect results in a lot, a lot more um even toxicity sometimes, and I think that that's true. So knowing that when I build that and I I actively work on my list. My listening skills, my empathy skills, my self-judgment, my compassionate skills is the communities that I need to build that are small right now, that carry me through this life to the next chapter, in order for those communities to be able to flourish into something bigger. Because that's ultimately what I'm, you know, what I'm thinking, what I'm designing, and what I have in mind is I can do this here, this location, I can find those people. And it takes a long time. I want to I think I really need to emphasize that that the really difficult part of the military life to navigate is that relationships take time to build and to go through all of this. And by the time you're finally at that point where you build a strong enough support, you have to move to the That's how it always works.

Genevieve 40:50

Like a two and a half year sweet spot. Well, for us, because we moved every three, but you know, get that two and a half year sweet spot where you just find your community, your people, your tribe. And then it's time, unfortunately, to start over. Well, I want to go ahead and just end this uh with this question because I think it's it you there's so many chapters to your story that were great to just understand uh your process of of how you've navigated through your life and those experiences. So I know you said you weren't sure if now was the right time to share your story, but you hope it might give someone else hope. So what do you who do you picture listening and what do you hope that they can take away from your story?

Alex 41:33

Most of the answers come from the inside, and it's such a hard process to know how to trust that voice when you don't even know how to cultivate it. You didn't have it, you don't know what tools or techniques you need to s or skills to even start to trust that. But my firm belief is that they do come from the from the inside, and that hardship and whatever difficult season you are in right now is part of the journey, and there's nothing that is gonna offer an an like the outcome is not to come out at the other end uh unshakable and unbreakable and all of that is to know that all of those pieces that you allow to right now to be, you know, break you are part of what's gonna make you know how to handle the next the next uh the next chapter. It doesn't have to be necessarily the same, you know, with the same uh weight or gravity or anything, but it's gonna help you become I think that's how it is. It's gonna help you actually become more the person you wanna be. And you have to allow it for meeting. And yes, it it does mean that you need um connection, always connection, but growth and healing and always happens in a space that you need to take, and it's not it's not in like I said before, it's not in isolation, it happens in connection. And I I I guess I would just want to people to to know that it does feel like when you're there, like right there, when you're in your rock bottom, it does absolutely feel crushing. It feels like you are never gonna get back up again and this is gonna be your life. But what actually happens is the small everyday small habit of talking to yourself. This is what helps me. Learning how to talk to myself is what gets me out of whatever I'm in. How I talk to myself now is the most important, important thing that I do because that helps me know how to talk to others and how to ask for help. And I'll say this if nothing else, ask for help, no matter how small or big. There's ask for help because when you start asking for help, it's the moment that things change, and when you feel like that help is not what you need, because you're gonna know either you know you're in a deep under the water or a little bit just above the water, you're gonna know that that might not be for you. Keep going because that means that you already know something that is not good for you, and you're informing your next choice, your next ask for help from a much better and wiser place. And asking for help is the best next thing you can do to get out of a difficult situation.

Genevieve 44:36

Such great advice, Alex. And I can't thank you enough for really being vulnerable and sharing all of your story with us today because I just know that there's a lot of people out there, and myself included, there's little nuggets of of things that you have been through in your life that we all can relate to. And we are doing the work to do better, be better, and get the help that we need for those things. So thank you for sharing your story and allowing me to be your first podcast interview. Thank you.

Alex 45:05

Because I forgot to say that, of course. Maybe I should also mention then for uh for everyone listening, if anyone will ever want to reach out, I'm in the process of launching soon my own creative project that's called APT Personal Development Village, and I am building communities of in-person communities at each location that I'm at. Like I'm gonna have chapters of people that want to something different in their lives in terms of personal love growth.

Genevieve 45:40

Well, thank you, Alex. I can't uh express enough how much I have appreciated you taking the time and and just sharing all the wonderful things that you are doing now and using the experiences of your life to do some real wonderful changes in the community.

Alex 45:56

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to speak about this and hold that space for myself and others and might find myself themselves in a piece of my story. And I am looking forward to listening to more of your stories on the podcast.

Genevieve 46:12

Thank you. Alright, thanks so much. Before we close, I want to pause for what I call a hidden chapter moment. This is the part of the story that may not have been obvious at the time, but looking back changed everything. Alex's hidden chapter wasn't just the loss her family experienced. It was the belief she carried afterward, that strength meant silence, that independence meant safety, and that asking for help meant failure. What shifted everything was learning that healing does not happen alone. It happens in connection, in honesty, and in asking for help, even when it feels uncomfortable. If you'd like to continue these conversations off the podcast, I share deeper reflections, behind the scenes thoughts, and other hidden chapter moments on Substack. You can find the link in the show notes. And if this episode resonated, I'd love for you to follow or share it with someone who might need it. Because hidden chapters exist to honor the stories we don't always see.