Becoming Unstoppable - Rise, Thrive and Lead with Impact
Becoming Unstoppable is the go-to podcast for fierce female entrepreneurs ready to expand their empires with unapologetic growth, energy mastery, and bold, soul-aligned strategy. Hosted by mindset coach and manifesting queen Rachel Jackson, each episode delivers big energy, real talk, and magnetic tools to help you scale with purpose and become truly unstoppable.
Becoming Unstoppable - Rise, Thrive and Lead with Impact
Reclaiming the Sacred Feminine: Shadow Work, Sensuality & Sovereignty with Elizabeth Marth
What if the parts of you you’ve been taught to hide are the very keys to your liberation?
In this raw and deeply resonant episode, I’m joined by the powerful Elizabeth Marth—transformational coach, shadow alchemist, and host of The Illicit Feminine podcast. Elizabeth is a guide for women ready to reclaim their sacred truth, confront what’s been suppressed in the shadows, and rise rooted in their sensual, sovereign power.
Together, we dive into the depths of shadow work and the dark feminine—the parts of womanhood that society has labelled as too much, too emotional, too angry, too sexual… and therefore, not enough. Elizabeth shares her potent personal journey: from feeling like merely an extension of her mother, disconnected from self, to reclaiming her identity as a powerful, embodied woman. Her story is one of awakening, releasing resentment and people-pleasing, and embracing the full spectrum of feminine truth.
We explore:
- How channelled anger can be a sacred fire for transformation
- The link between sexual self-awareness and true self-ownership
- Why evolution in relationships (with others and ourselves) is not optional—it's essential
- The terrifying, liberating question: “Who am I if I’m no longer this version of me?”
Elizabeth's work opens a courageous portal for women to reconnect with the parts of themselves they’ve been told to deny—desire, voice, power, pleasure—and remember who they truly are beneath the conditioning.
This conversation is an invitation to honour your own becoming, to walk boldly through the shadows, and to reclaim every facet of your femininity with pride.
You are not broken. You are becoming whole.
About Elizabeth Marth:
Elizabeth Marth is a transformational coach, shadow alchemist, and the powerful voice behind The Illicit Femininepodcast. Through deep embodiment work and unfiltered storytelling, she empowers women to reclaim the sacred aspects of themselves they’ve been taught to silence. Her work guides women through shadow integration, spiritual remembrance, and sensual reclamation—so they can release shame, embrace their wholeness, and live rooted in feminine sovereignty.
Follow Elizabeth on Instagram @sacredfreedomforher
Subscribe to the Illicit Feminine Podcast
Elizabeth's Website to find out more: https://sacredfreedom.life/
Thank you for listening.
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For more from me go to https://www.racheljackson.uk/
Also if you want to learn more about manifestation listen to my other podcast Soulful Badass on all listening platforms or click below.
Remember, it is your time to become unstoppable 💫
Rachel xxx
Hi everyone, welcome to today's episode. I am super excited to announce that I have a special guest on. I am welcoming Elizabeth Marth. Elizabeth is a transformational coach specializing in shadow work and the dark feminine, and I am so excited because I've worked with Elizabeth for a while now and she's just amazing, so thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you so much for having me, Rachel. I'm excited You're welcome.
Speaker 1:Before we dive in, we did have a conversation that people maybe don't know what shadow work and the dark feminine is, so do you want to explain what that is and why you specialize in?
Speaker 2:it?
Speaker 2:Yes, of course. So shadow work, because probably for close to a decade now was really my first step into transformational work. That went past like therapy, like I had been doing therapy and different things like that for a lot of my life. And when I began seeing a coach locally where I live, her specialty was shadow work. And when I stepped into this work of exploring the sides of ourselves that we keep in shadow or that we disassociate from, that we actually can pretend that we don't have, then they get repressed and they show up sideways. And so when I started getting into this work, I loved it and I decided that was something that I really wanted to begin training with.
Speaker 2:So shadow work, because of that I had a lot of shadow sides to me that I didn't realize. And then really, as I began to dive into the different archetypes which people have, all sorts of different archetypes, even though there's some core ones, but they that I think get repressed. I repress them my anger, my wildness, my fierceness, these parts that aren't even necessarily things that everyone keeps in shadow. I describe them as kind of the darker side of the feminine, because our pleasure, our desire, our passion, because I think a lot of times there's this light side of the feminine that can be mothering and nurturing and kind and healing, and all of those are amazing, and so are the darker pieces. So that's where, that's where that all comes from.
Speaker 1:And I love that because I know we've had the conversation so many times about how you bring all of you to the table, and that includes the light and the dark, and manifestation and tools like spirituality often focus on bringing more of that light out, but not actually focusing on facing the dark and allowing it to enhance you. So I am a big supporter of what you do. Let's dive into a little bit of the history what got you on this path and what made you start to go down that route of wanting to coach and help other people as well?
Speaker 2:So I actually my background's in interior design, so I went to school for an interior design and loved design. But what I really also appreciated within that line of work were my clients. I loved working with people. I loved working with people who had a vision, a transformation, and I would help them to achieve it. And so at some point, um, personally, there was a lot going on for me and and a lot that I had wanted to transform personally, and design wasn't I. I wanted something, I guess, deeper and Like. I wanted something that was I felt the design work wasn't meeting that yearning, that I really found a place, that I was like I want to do this, I want to help people.
Speaker 2:I didn't completely understand where my journey was going or even what was happening necessarily in my journey, but I knew that I wanted to do this and so I began training in shadow work and then, um, that was a few, that was a few years, that the training that I had, you know, was a few years. And then COVID hit and I was just I had done all the training that I could do up to that point, to that point, and the modality that I'm trained in the people Cliff Berry is the developer of it and he's based in Colorado and everything was really in person. Then there wasn't a whole lot going on with Zoom, like before that, especially in, you know, with the people that I was working with, and so everything stopped and I was like, what am I going to do? Like I'm on this trajectory, I can't get certified, like, and at this point I'm like, well, I can't coach without being certified, I have to be certified, right?
Speaker 2:So I actually was at a crossroads and had a reading done with a woman and she was, you know, long story short. She was point. I was really looking at it more into what that process was because I was trying to figure out things in my marriage. But once I started getting into that process, I had fallen in love with it and was like, oh my gosh, I want to go further into this. Like I actually want to get certified in this. So I did, and then that led to getting certified and calling the one this. So I did, and then that led to getting certified and calling the one. And then that led to stepping into some energetic work. And then kind of came across you and stepped even deeper into energetic work and then everything's kind of evolved from there, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I love the bits around I often talk about. Your biggest struggle becomes the thing that you end up helping others with, and I love that each part of your journey. You didn't actually know it was going to become a business aspect, but you fell into it and it was something that helped you heal and then you've able to show that you could come through the other side and then use that to help others, that you could come through the other side and then use that to help others. So what real revelations or learnings did you take from your own journey, through the coaching and the shadow work and then conscious and coupling?
Speaker 2:it's so interesting. Um, I think I every piece has had learning to it and I'm still learning. As you well know, the shadow work piece really helped teach me about archetypes and the different parts of selves.
Speaker 2:I had always had this feeling like I had multiple personalities, but not necessarily actually not like in the soap operas where, like you know, one day you're Karen and one day you're Alice, right, I just knew I had these different parts of myself that I like I felt and I didn't. I didn't know anything about really archetypal work at that point, so shadow work really helped me to understand oh, you're not crazy. Like there are different parts, facets, archetypes that are within us individually as well as like collectively, and so that was really helpful for me to understand myself. Just a side note I really didn't have a sense of myself most of my life. I had a very complicated relationship with my mother, a very enmeshed relationship with my mother, and so I felt I didn't even understand this until later, but like I was just an extension of her. So like I didn't know, I'm still on this path to actually like what do I want or what do I desire. Like I never had like dreams for myself really. Like I didn't dream about, like what I was going to do when I was older I didn't dream like, or what I was, like I was going to get married or have kids. Like I couldn't picture that in my mind. Um, I think I shared with you I'd wanted to be like um flight attendant, and that was something that was not um, you know, my, my parents told me no, and I was like, oh okay, like, like there, there just wasn't a real strong sense of self, Like, like there, there just wasn't a real strong sense of self. So shadow work really helped me to understand again in a way, though what other people were telling me were parts of myself, but it was help. At that point it was, it was helpful to me because I, I was understanding, you know some more.
Speaker 2:So then, as I continued in in the conscious uncoupling, then I started to understand, like continued in in the conscious uncoupling, then I started to understand like, oh, like I, I have some of these wounds that are patterns that are showing up in other parts of my life, and that, again, was more information, and I really like understood that I had feelings of my own and that I had needs of my own and that those mattered and that I was showing up with myself and in relationship with people not thinking that those mattered. And so that was a huge piece for me, especially within my marriage, because at that point my husband and I were at a really low point. My mom had died and we ended things on really bad terms when at her passing and so there was a lot of healing. So conscious uncoupling actually helped me to heal a lot with my mom and then a lot on my side of my relationship within my marriage. This wasn't something my husband and I did together, but it helped me very much to see how I was showing up because I had very much been living in to me consciousness and the victim mode of blaming him, um, blaming it, I mean him, my mom, any like just life for everything.
Speaker 2:I didn't understand my self, responsibility, um, and then calling in the one was just fun, like calling in the one like introduced me to some manifestations and really it's about calling in yourself. So that was when I was understanding oh, like I can show up for me it's not about another person, like I actually am a self and like I can like what do I can create a life, and so those pieces really um showed up and then just through coaching it it. Then there was the energetic piece that came in um through a coach and I loved it and really at that point I found you and went even deeper. Oh, I can't say I found you, I think you actually like came into my world and then the energetics piece came in and that shifted everything for me. So that's kind of the long story around that.
Speaker 1:But that's amazing and when you think of the way that you describe it and you talk about yourself back then, where you didn't really have that strong form of self, there's going to be a lot of people listening and it's thinking what are the triggers or the signs that they might be able to detect to realize that they're in that state and they're not actually being true to their authentic self? Is there things that you could point them in the direction of?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. For me it showed up as I was pissed off all the time, I was resentful I don't know that there was a like. That was my set point, that was my vibrational set point, was pissed off and resentful, bordered on um. Later that turned into deep depression and like suicidal ideation oh wow, so um. But the you know red flags along the way, like the resentment and the pissed offness is definitely it's the sign you like I. I wasn't happy and I thought it was everybody else's fault.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I can resonate with that completely. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was everyone else's fault that I wasn't doing what I wanted, because if I did what I wanted, they'd be mad. It upset them. So I was making everything external, I was making everything outside of myself and then blaming them for me not being happy, but then also allowing them to be my limitations, yeah, yeah. So that was a huge because that was honestly and it's not here's the thing I was happy. Like you wouldn't have met me and been like, oh, she's a bitch, I mean I would. I was like beyond, like what can I do for you? Hi, how are you like you know? So it was that.
Speaker 1:But like inside, like inside, I was pissed off all the time yeah, and those two sides are kind of what I met when we first started working together, wasn't it the people pleasing Elizabeth? And then we would tap into this energy and this power will come through and that power, that anger, that fieriness is really part of who you are and seeing that is a privilege when it comes out of who you are and seeing that is a privilege.
Speaker 2:When, when it comes up and you really helped me to connect with that, you really helped me to connect with that personally as well as professionally, yeah, um, and that's been huge because I think one of the things for me with my mom, my, my mom, my mom had a lot that went on and happened to her and when she found her anger right Like anger on our emotional scale feels a lot better than helplessness, and so she found her anger.
Speaker 2:She never really moved beyond that and so I saw anger as bad because it was really destructive in the ways and my mother also suffered from mental health. So there was a lot that was going on there. But to say, like I developed a negative viewpoint of anger or boundaries or firmness, or just say no and when you and I, you know I had had glimpses of those, that, that version of myself, that that woman throughout my life, but when that I was able to step in and I'm still learning to step into her more, you know, but that was really, that is my essence, that is, and that felt really, really good and it feels good.
Speaker 1:And that fire really is your essence and I love that. But you touched on something there and it's really key that there's a difference. We often grow up seeing anger and we see people become angry, so we're often taught the negative, because we see somebody actually become the emotion that they're feeling, whereas the difference is when you dive into the shadow, work and you start to accept that you have these feelings and they can fuel you, but you don't have to let them become you. So there's a difference in feeling anger or being angry, and that's where we get so hung up on trying to avoid it, whereas once you feel it, that's where you can move through and release it.
Speaker 2:And that was such a huge learning for me that I'm not my emotions. Like my emotions are energy and they're there to show me something and help me and like like, teach me and grow me, like they're there for a reason but I'm not them and they don't have like that's not who. I don't have to stay in that. Yeah, and I think that even like I had, I just learned, I picked up to be very afraid of my emotions, especially getting stuck in grief or sadness or anger, and so then I think I just always had to pretend that I was happy because I didn't want to get stuck in anything else.
Speaker 2:And, yes, learning the difference, that just exactly what you said. I can have the emotion of anger, yeah, and I don't have to. I can let that flip through me and I can release that in a safe space, yeah, and that, like I don't have to stay in that forever. But it also has such good information for me. You know that something needs to change or I need to set a boundary so like I can learn from them more now than see them, than fear them, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's always been something for me where anger was something that would take over. So I've talked a lot on the podcast about having rage and those old emotions where I would feel it, but once I learned to harness that, that is one of my superpowers the way that I can go from naught to 100, because it's passion and if if I'm angry, it's because I'm passionate about something that's happening. So I'm really able to see that I can then use that to go right. Well, if I don't like that and that's making me angry, where's the passion leading me to? So it's a really powerful tool, especially in my business, to spark my creativity and help me go. Well, there's something good coming off the other side of it. So what is that? And that's helped me a lot and I use it a lot in business, once I know how to harness it and I love that.
Speaker 2:I think that's such a good visual. Um, like the anger that's there. The other side of that is the passion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, like what is that like leading us towards right, and I, I, just, I love, I love that yeah, and one thing we recorded a podcast episode yesterday where I'm going to be on Elizabeth's podcast, which is the illicit feminine, and that interview kind of touched on things like that. But what I love about the illicit feminine and that interview kind of touched on things like that but what I love about the illicit feminine is how you're bringing this dark and light together and showcasing it in the people that you are interviewing. So explain more around how that creation come about, because I love the. If you see Elizabeth's Instagram, it's all the black and the white and the shadow and the light and the light and it's just beautiful, but it brings this to life. So please tell us more around your podcast and how that come about and what it's all about oh, thank you for your words there.
Speaker 2:Um, so I had started a podcast called the Sacred Journey, about probably a year and a half ago now, and it was wonderful and exactly where I was. It was, you know, about the beginning of my work with you and getting to this darker side and getting to this more um, the desire, the pleasure, the sexual, the sensual um part of it. I I knew that my brand, if you want to call it that, was going in a different direction and I had really stepped away from shadow work for a minute as I was learning these different things and I felt such a drawback to it, but in a different way than what I had been taught. Even when I was learning the modality that I was learning, I knew that that wasn't what I was going to stay in, because there was something else and that's still developing for me, and it came about. The illicit feminine came about.
Speaker 2:Really, the last five years since my mom has passed have been so transformational for me and there's been a lot of things in my life that could be called illicit in what I've been learning or what I've been experiencing or what I have been wanting for my life, and so this, when I started stepping into this darker part of me and exploring the parts that I judged as dark, right Like passion, right Like passion sexuality I come from I was a product of an affair. I have some generational infidelity in my line that I had always felt so much shame around. And so, looking at that and being like I'm not going to feel shame around this anymore, actually like these, like I'm not going to feel shame around this anymore, actually like these, because and I won't get into it now but I had always felt because I was a product of an affair and, listen, there was a lot of hurt that came about from that on both sides of the family, and that's not the piece that I'm really um endorsing, but the part of it is that, like I I thought that I shouldn't be here, that I was a mistake, that there was a lot of shame, that I was bad and saying, no, you know what, like I'm not and and my parents were actually in love and and, despite like, however dysfunctional their relationship was like, they actually had the audacity, like to go after each other and to try something and to create a life together, and so it was able to shift, as I began doing like this work that I'm also, you know, sharing with you and looking like in my, in my family, there was sexual abuse and physical abuse and all these different things, and it it started to be like these aren't things that people are having conversations about in in there are, like, on the extreme ends of of things. But I was like I want to make these conversations, things that we're talking about like, more more regularly, with just ordinary people, right Like? And I want to talk about the things.
Speaker 2:I want to have these conversations and hear the stories of people that may not be sharing their stories in ordinary, in ordinary life, because I also think the other part of the illicit feminine is really looking at our shadow sides, the parts that we're hiding in shadows, like what I've named, you know. Like you know whether it's not choosing what we really desire because we're afraid we're going to stay there, like you know, ignoring our sexuality, ignoring our, our, first of all, our own personal sexuality, like our sexuality doesn't have to have anything to do with anybody else, right Like? I think that that's such something that's so forgotten and that's like a platform that I want to expand on in my own work. But then there's also sexuality in relationships, there's sexuality in menopause, there's all these like different things that I just want to get into these conversations that are could be deemed illicit and make them not so much, you know, and so that's kind of where that all comes from.
Speaker 1:And there's so many facets to go down and I think I'm an energetic business coach, but there is absolutely none of my clients that we have not dove into the idea of relationships or sexuality or whatever has come up, because it's all linked to however you're reflecting or projecting out into the world. So when people are holding parts of themselves back and then wondering why they're not getting the business results they want, often it's just that where are you holding yourself back or not speaking your truth or not being completely honest with yourself, because these factors and these things that we hide that have a big impact in so many areas of your life without you realizing, and we need to normalize it you know we need to normalize the level of trauma people go through, whether that's big trauma, little trauma, because there won't be someone that you speak to that hasn't had some form of it.
Speaker 1:So why do we shut it away like it's some dirty little secret, when really we should own it as our power and our story and what we're here to help others overcome? Often I don't know, where you're feeling on that.
Speaker 2:No, I agree with it so much. You know, as I was rebranding, it was a really interesting time because I had chosen to do some elective plastic surgery and enhance my body in ways that felt really good to me. You know, it's wherever anybody stands is their own opinion, but for me, I had really wanted to do some things, to feel more in in my like feminine, sexual, like energy. And when I started my rebrand and I was doing different pictures and I was stepping into a different energy, there was a, there was kickback, there was, there was, there was kickback and and these conversations, the things that then I was posting about, which aren't, I mean in my mind I'm like, oh my gosh, we could go so much more controversial than anything that I'm doing, but like there started to be questions and the reason I'm sharing that I'm doing, but like there started to be questions. And the reason I'm sharing that is because when you're saying why do these conversations need to be hush hushed or not need to be what? Why are they hush hush?
Speaker 2:I think people are so intimidated by actually having conversations that could change things. I think that being confronted with topics that people are uncomfortable with because they're scared of change themselves. And I get that there's not a judgment statement, like I understand that. But I think that's why we're not people I think, myself included and in still in some ways like the familiar, like the, like the easy, like the don't ruffle the feathers, just keep it. Just keep it status quo, because that's what's accepted, that's what we're told is good, that's when we get validation. You know the person that's fully in her essence and fully expressing herself and fully making a shit ton of money and being successful and not censoring herself, but with discernment and wisdom, like she's not totally like being given props right, like she's kind of looked like and I think women are scared of their own power.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because sometimes, once you step into that power, it means that you have to confront those relationships and those dynamics that you thought were a comfort blanket and then you find they weren't the comfort that was there for you. And I think that can be the most scary thing of feeling alone on the journey absolutely.
Speaker 2:I think that and I mean obviously that's been part of my story and that's part of your and my work together but I also think women have so self-abandoned themselves, so it's relationships with others, but I think they've so abandoned themselves. They've abandoned themselves physically, they've abandoned themselves sexually, they've abandoned themselves spiritually and emotionally ourselves spiritually and emotionally that when they are faced with something could be different and they could make a change within them. I think it can be paralyzing, because what does that mean? Does like, does that mean that I'm gonna lose relationships? Does that mean that I have to leave my comfort zone of of I?
Speaker 2:I mean I've had it like as I'm like, growing and like, but I want to do carpool and I want to go to basketball practice and I want to be the mom and I do want those things. But there's also a level of safety in those things and stepping out and being seen and stepping out as a little racy and stepping out, as you know, the wife, the mother, the, you know the one who helps out at the Catholic school and I, you know, got a boob job and I'm wearing like black lace. There's like these parts that are, it's like this duality and I think that that can be intimidating and overwhelming, and so I think that sometimes that's why all of this isn't always being talked about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's a whole relearning and accepting that there's a new identity out there for you. The identity that you formed doesn't fit anymore, but you don't know the new one yet, and that's the scary bit. So it's, I think people are faced with. Well, who am I then, if I am not this?
Speaker 2:That's so it, Rachel. I mean, I think that's so much it. Who am I if I'm not this? And because I think there's been a conditioning that you need to be content and you need to be. If you change, what's wrong with you. You're in a crisis. Are you going crazy? Like what's? You're in a crisis, you're. Are you going crazy? Like what's what's wrong? Like what's wrong, instead of your new identity holds like the essence of you.
Speaker 2:But what is the next level that you're stepping into? Like just because you are at a certain age or at a certain level socially, or at a certain age or at a certain level socially, or at a certain point in your life, like I, I see, and I and I felt like that that should be good enough, yeah, Like you should be happy. You don't, but you don't want more. It's like. Like it should stop, Like you're growing should stop at a certain point, or you're evolving and that's the opposite, right? So, as you're talking about this next level, like actually you should always be evolving and you should not should. But evolving is a natural process and it's great to embrace that and it's great to step into your next level.
Speaker 2:And you know, when my kids started growing up and I was like I like my role changed. That was who am I? Yeah, Like oh. And then my mom. You know my mom's, you know not here, Well, who am I? And, yeah, it could have been a lot easier just to stay in the roles that I knew, even though even those weren't what I knew. Yeah, but I knew there was that next level, even if I couldn't have put into it or said or even thought the things that that you teach and that I, that I'm learning, yeah, and I think women are so much better choosing their identity when it's a natural involvement.
Speaker 1:So, like you say, your kids grow up so you have to change it's. It's something that's natural and is done to you, so we're aware that you have to change at that point, or you lose a parent and then you, you have to change, but we're not very good at being okay with it when we choose it, yeah, and that's the thing that we've got to normalize and really it, yeah, and that's the thing that we've got to normalize and really start to show that that's what we're meant to be doing. We're meant to be constantly choosing that new identity and not settling for the old one, because the old one is always meant to be outgrown. It's just natural.
Speaker 2:And I think that's the teaching, I think that's the changing the mindset around that that you know you're meant to desire more, you're meant to desire a new identity, like you're meant to not be like content in the way of, like you're excited and you're feeling called forward and you're feeling like led to the next thing, and I love. Yeah, it doesn't need to take a catastrophe to allow yourself to step into that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's sexually too. You know you think of sexual partners, yeah, Something that you enjoyed 30 years ago. It doesn't mean that you're just going to want to do it every day for the rest of your life. So how do you start to spice up that energy and know that that's normal to spice it up? And I think that's where people do start to crave that extra energy or crave something outside of the marriage and bring that in and then feel that guilt and shame. But why are we normalizing? And then feel that guilt and shame? But why are we normalizing? You're not meant to just want the same. For instance, if you started off in missionary position 20 years ago, it doesn't mean you're going to want that all your life. So why do we guilt ourself and shame ourself into only wanting that one thing or not wanting it to evolve and grow it? And I think that's somewhere relationships struggle, that it is meant to be continuous work and continuous involvement in all areas.
Speaker 2:but we're allowed to talk about it as well a hundred percent, and I think that's something that's not talked about enough. When I started stepping into um more groups that talked about enough. When I started stepping into more groups that talked about this, I mean Catherine Woodward Thomas, the developer of Conscious Uncoupling and calling the one. You know, one of the things of her book, conscious Uncoupling, is like marriage isn't what it once was, like everything has changed around marriage, and now, with women earning incomes and being self-sufficient and doing that, you do have many more divorces and I'm not here to debate marriage or divorce or anything like that but there is a satisfaction factor that is now in marriage that may not have been before. And so, a to your point, you can absolutely spice up your marriage sexually, and it begins by spicing up yourself. Your sexuality begins with yourself, but then you can absolutely, like you know there's there's so many classes, there's so many different things, like where you can learn so much about your own sexuality, about creating a different sexual experience with your partner. But then it goes to saying like we don't always have to want the same thing forever either.
Speaker 2:People change, people evolve, and that is not something that is a conversation that people like to have.
Speaker 2:It scares the shit out of people because then they're afraid that they're and I and I get it, believe me, and I'm I'm on my own journey of some of this but they're afraid of being alone, or they're afraid of of the, you know, not having that person, or what does it mean for change?
Speaker 2:But then we're surprised when affairs happen, but people aren't having sex for like 20 years. How? Because someone decided at some point that you have to stay with one person for the rest of your life, and then that means that even if you're unhappy, you still have to like endure it, and that's like noble, I mean. And again, those are really controversial things to say and I'm not, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. I just think that they're conversations that are worth having, because I think there can be some outdated ways of thinking and and I do think just to your point sexuality is a huge piece that we do not talk about, we shove it under the covers, we repress it, because I think it is a topic that people would rather avoid than actually look at, and I hold a belief that our sexuality is the basis of who we are.
Speaker 1:Well, I am 100% with you on that and it's something that I end up talking with with a lot of women, and maybe it's due to my own trauma when I was younger, or whether it's just my own relationship with sex and how I feel about it. I'm very sexually charged and always have been, but as well, that's been a journey in its own right, but I think so women open up to me around it. But I think there's that element of a relationship with your spouse is really about that connection and that you know we can have the best of friends. But then it's how do you connect to a different level as well? And I think sometimes there's different elements to that. But the big thing is that you change throughout your life. You know women coming out their menopause have this fire inside of them. They have this new rebirth going on. The woman in their 20s is going to feel different and sometimes is a little bit swayed in those relationships to what the man wants. So even though they may be at the most peak physical state, mentally they're not in the space to really claim those desires. So you do change and evolve right throughout your journey.
Speaker 1:Were talking about before on voice note, which was really interesting was that idea of people do tend to try and make a situation better, by not necessarily leaving a situation, but but trying to focus on how do they change their thoughts to make it better. And that's, I think, a trap that a lot of women get into, because where they think they're feeding better thoughts into a situation, often they miss the fact that they're settling in a situation and, instead of changing the situation, they're lowering their vibration and and making themselves fit into a smaller box without moving on, moving forward. That's something I definitely did in my marriage and luckily, I spotted it and and did the actions and took the action to move out of that, because I dulled my sparkle, I dulled everything down. But can you, how do you want to explain that? Because I know we were talking that through in voice note, but you've experienced that and had that taught in different ways as well, so it's interesting to see different aspects, how it gets put across.
Speaker 2:Absolutely that's been so, that that's been so huge, was that I had to change my mindset. And Well, I did right. Growing up, I learned in order to survive emotionally I wasn't in a physically dangerous situation is to to make it okay. Yeah, but what happens is when we form these coping mechanisms in in childhood and we don't, you know, understand, you know, we get to a point where we're still living them even in adulthood and they're no longer serving us. But I didn't know, like I didn't know that Right, so I didn't see that until I, until you know that that had become part of my learning. And then, when I, when, even when I knew that it was too scary to actually like embody that, like I could do it in certain areas, and it was so, it was really interesting because when I formed my business and I had had an interior design business for 20 years but it wasn't, it wasn't um, I didn't have to be the main bread winner, um, and I'm still not in that at that, in that position right now, but I I did it more as just having something of my own to do and I enjoyed it there.
Speaker 2:There was a completely different difference. When I started sacred freedom as like my purpose, like as my. This is like my, my, my life, like this is who I am, it's an extension of who I am. So there was like this different thing, and so I was able to step into that energy more and like not so much, I mean, I still have ways and and, and obviously there's coaching around that, um, but I could fully step into my essence around that in a way that I'm still learning how to do that in other areas that were really rooted in the old way of thinking of like making myself small, making myself into a box, and you know, that was part of what I had been doing in my, in my marriage. Yeah, so much.
Speaker 2:And my, you know, my husband and I are still walking this journey. We're we're, you know not quite sure where where we're headed. This journey we're we're, you know not quite sure where, where we're headed. And part of that on my, my part, to be fully transparent, is like I don't ever want to feel like I'm in a box again and I don't know what I'm. I'm still walking. You know there's a difference. I have my coaching side, but I also have my woman side of this life that I'm like living in real time and I'm and I'm learning, I'm an experiencing and I'm walking and it is my journey, and so it's learning how to live, first of all, what I teach, to live, what I'm learning and to recognize when I'm not. And and in my marriage, this has been a huge like. This is a huge learning piece for me in that because I don't ever want to go back to the woman that hid or didn't, isn't living in her full essence and her full truth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's so powerful and just that honesty. Everybody's learning. So if you've got a coach that is telling you she's not learning or she's learned it all, run a mile, because the self-awareness just isn't there. Everybody's on a journey of evolving and when your desires are growing, you never. The thing is, we're never going to be there, we're never going to be the place that we want to be, because we're going to be growing and evolving at each stage.
Speaker 1:So if, yeah, if you ever come across someone who isn't in that stage, then yeah, please do run a mile, because they, they have settled if that's the case. So I love how you can be honest around. You're going through this journey and you're so far ahead now that you're helping others come through it as well, while still uncovering what it's like at the next stage, and then the next stage, and then the next stage. And that's perfectly normal, and the fact that you're saying you don't want to be put back in that box or kept small any longer is the message that people need to take, because they're not here to play small no, and I think that the important piece of that was it was it was also no.
Speaker 2:Granted, there was conditioning and there was trauma and everything, but it was really me keeping myself small and that was the huge piece Like it wasn't even I mean, it was my old way of thinking, but it wasn't any. It wasn't anybody necessarily doing it to me. It was like me doing that and and just to go back really quick, and just to go back really quick, the sexuality piece was so huge and you had shared that with you. That was that's never been a focus, but what I do know is that I repressed it and I denied it, even though I had a very healthy sexuality. Like there was this under, there was this underneath knowing of that, but I never.
Speaker 2:It's so much shame around it and I had so much shame around having any needs, and so that showed up within my marriage so much. And so the piece was for me also, I wasn't comfortable with another person learning about my sexuality, and this is why I'm just sharing this, like I had to do that on my own, like I didn't want another person involved in me learning about my sexuality. And when I began to learn about it, I like learned to know myself and so that's why I really feel really strongly for women who have shame and everybody's journey is different but like your sexuality because I have clients who are like, oh no, no, I don't, I don't want to get into that, and I'm like, no, your sexuality doesn't have to be about anybody else. Like your sexuality begins with you and it can end with you. Like it doesn't have to go further. But like when we start really looking into our sexuality, I think that changes a lot for us, um, empowerment wise and relationship wise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it should only start with you. Really, we should figure that out on our own. The problem is we don't, and we think we need we're taught to need someone else to help us figure that out, and that's where we muddy the water. It's about what do you like? What makes you feel good? What clothing makes you feel good? What level of touch makes you feel good?
Speaker 1:And even I was digging we could talk for ages on this, but I was digging in recently to your love language and knowing how important your love language is, and also, how are you experiencing that with someone else? So, for instance, my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation, as my second one. So for me, I give Mike lots of words of affirmation and I'm probably flooding him. That makes him feel a little bit uncomfortable, whereas actually it's because I need that. I need that back, I need that level of touch and then the affirmations. So it's starting to understand.
Speaker 1:Well, are you given? You know, once you start to only explore it with someone else, you could be taking on what they need rather than what you need yourself, and you've really got to explore that, especially sexually, on your own. In my eyes, anyway. That might make some people cringe, but that's the most important thing. People cringe, but that's the most important thing. You know as well. If you're highly sexually charged and your partner isn't, why do you need to go without? And I'm not meaning going to sleep with a lot of people, but there's ways to enhance your own pleasure and get what you need without, without having someone there absolutely, and as you're saying this, and I have a 15 year old and a almost 13 year old and I'm I'm watching as we're having this conversation.
Speaker 2:I'm 46. I, rachel, I don't know how old you are, but we're women that are are. When I say older, I mean like we're in, we're in midlife, right, and I want to say like and we're, we're discovering this, we're learning this, we're doing this now, and I think that these conversations need to be had so much younger. Like you know, I'm watching as as teenagers do, and they may have relationships and they like this boy or they like this girl, and there's room for that. But there's this other part of me that's screaming like who are you Like? What do you like? Like you get to know you and your body and like what is your love language, and it's all learning.
Speaker 2:It's not that anybody's going to have the answers right now, but it's teaching. Hey, ask yourself these questions Like what are your needs? Because people get you know we then, you know, have this idea that people are supposed to like get married when they're 18 and 20. And like they're supposed to like, then like none of these answers. You know they don't have any of these answers and then like then we're confused about why our divorce rate is what it is and we're confused at why people are having you know affairs or there's abuse, and I just that's the other thing. I think we need to actually start educating our younger people on these topics while they're still young.
Speaker 1:We do we do? I could literally talk all day, Elizabeth, but let's finish. What message do you want to leave on? What message do you want to leave on? What message do you want to leave the audience on today?
Speaker 2:It's been such a great conversation and there's been so many things. I think, really it's it all begins with ourselves and I think, when we can, whether we're doing emotional you know, trauma healing, whether we're doing growth work, whether we're doing growth work, whether we're doing sexual work, mindset, it all comes back to ourselves and understanding that we are our, our source, and like we don't have to look outside of our for anything like it, like it, it's here. I guess that's the, because that's been my journey and that is my biggest message with the whether it's coaching clients or being on the podcast is like like, who are you Like? What do you desire? Like like the questions all begin with you, the journey all begins with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. What an amazing way to finish, and thank you so much for joining me. It's been the best conversation and I will put all of the links to how to work with Elizabeth, how to find her Instagram, how to follow her and all the things, and I will put all of that in the show notes. But, thank you so much. I'm definitely going to be having you back on because this was just an incredible conversation that people are going to get so much out of. So thank you very much.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Rachel. So much, it's an honor. I'll catch you all next week, bye you.
