Body Confidence Revolution

Body Confidence Revolution: What It Really Takes

We’re stripping away the myths about body confidence, because it has nothing to do with the number on a scale and everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

In this episode, we dive deep into:
• Why body confidence is lowest in women aged 34–44 and how to break free from that cycle
• How social media fuels insecurity (and how to protect your energy online)
• Simple daily practices to flip negative self-talk into self-empowerment
• Why moving your body with appreciation (not punishment) changes everything
• How to set boundaries that protect your confidence and help you thrive

Whether you’re struggling with self-image, chasing external validation, or just ready to finally feel at home in your skin, this conversation will give you the tools to start your own body confidence revolution.

She Creates Brunch is now LIVE to book on 28th September - You are invited to build confidence with us in PERSON! 

https://buy.stripe.com/14AdRa5IgfXK4Lu4nQ3ks02

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to the Sisterhood Circle
• 2:52 What Does Body Confidence Mean?
• 13:36 Body Confidence at Different Ages
• 29:26 Gloria's Powerful Barbie Quote
• 42:46 What Strips Your Confidence?
• 58:00 Practical Daily Confidence Principles
• 1:12:27 She Creates: Our First In-Person Event

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, I'm Shivsey and I'm Naz, and together we are the Sisterhood.

Speaker 2: 0:07

Circle podcast. Our vision is to create connections with our community and inspire change in the world, so be sure to subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to to find out more. So let's dive into today's episode. Today's episode. Hello everybody, and welcome back to episode two of season two. So this wee beauty that we are about to talk through is all about body confidence. We're absolutely buzzing for this one, eh?

Speaker 1: 0:40

Honestly, it's such an exciting one. We get the proper nitty gritty of what confidence actually is here, but I think we're really inspired by this by the day to day chat that we come across. Obviously, working in curves, you're surrounded by women and one of the most common phrases you hear is I just want to be confident and we're cutting about wanting to be confident. But to any of us know what it actually is, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:10

So today we're going to deep dive into that. Why is, unapologetically, me, while becoming her and I think that's such a great name for our confidence special? Because it's so important to get to know that the woman that you are is amazing and appreciate her while you're becoming this more confident version of yourself. So we're really, really excited to bring this to you. And I think that one of the things that we actually just chatted about, like what, 20 minutes? 20 minutes ago, I mean, nats popped for a wee bit of food because we were a wee bit hungry, weren't we? So we made some sense to her, so that we did. We come on and rabble maybe like episodes 20 minutes. But you said there, I know. So yeah, basically Nats was having a really good chat on our circuit and curves and everything this morning because you knew you were coming in and you knew this body confidence special. So talk me through what was happening in the gym.

Speaker 1: 2:08

I just happened to ask the question what does body confidence mean to you? And I was honestly so shocked by the response. I had such a varied age group of women in front of me, ranging from 30 to early 70s, so quite a vast variation and see, hearing that it meant something completely different to every single one of them was quite inspiring, for what does it mean at different stages in your life? But it also broke my heart because someone said to me I don't think I've ever been confident in myself, wow. And I was like, oh my goodness, like that's heavy duty.

Speaker 1: 2:51

And I asked the question of is that confidence in yourself or confidence within your physical appearance? Because we'll get into talking about this today. They're two very different things, truly, and I think as females we get quite muddled up a lot of the time by what being confident in yourself as a person actually is and being confident in your physical appearance and what you look like. And she was like, just don't ever think I've been confident. I was like, oh my goodness, now this member must have been early 30s, yes, and I think she's brilliant, honestly.

Speaker 2: 3:25

By the way, if you're listening and you know who you are, you are bloody amazing. I mean, if I want to go, to the nitty-gritty like absolute girl boss.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Yeah, kindest heart, real sunshine, would do anything for you so and kept a major ass on the circuit. Strong, I'm not going to say the other word, yeah, but yeah, you are a legend. Strong AF, that was that's been like down with the kids. Oh, she left me out anyway so.

Speaker 1: 3:52

I think that is what kid by the way, I don't believe I'm saying the word kids that's the one I'm gonna get you're better, not? That was probably cringy, was it? Oh cringe. Anyway, I thought we slayed, but sorry, we digress. So then another member who is early 70s, said to me Nats, I don't think I've ever been more confident in myself. She's like I know who I am, I love what I see in the mirror, I've got the right people round about me and, honestly, I've never felt more confident. And that was. I was like that is blooming. Amazing to be able to hear. But you go, oh, two different ends of the spectrum. How do you bridge the gap? Yes, and what actually is the difference? What impacts that at different stages in your life?

Speaker 2: 4:36

and that's what we're going to get into today definitely and see the thing like you'll probably get to know this, I am a bit of a researcher and I'm a wee bit of a bookworm, just in case none of you's got that and I was like, why is this? Why like, why is there different stages in women's lives where you feel at your absolute peak of confidence and when your confidence reduces? And some stats that I pulled up that girls aged between 11 and 16 52% of them are worrying about their physical appearance from the age of 11 to 16. It's absolutely crazy and I think that there's we'll go into it later on but the weight of social media, the weight it puts on our children and our young women as we're coming up, is huge.

Speaker 1: 5:21

I was actually really surprised when we were doing prep and you sent through everything that that was as high as it was in that age group and actually then going to girls 16 to 19 yeah, being 32 percent, and I naturally assumed that would be the higher percentage super, like aware of their body, confidence and stuff and you go it's even younger than maybe what we think that it starts, yeah, and you go, it's even younger than maybe what we think that it starts, yeah, and you go oh, how do we get ahead of that game of really empowering them, yeah, to know who they are and what their qualities are that make them who they are? Yeah, so yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:58

And then the next stat absolutely threw me and, to be honest, we chatted about this earlier on today. So women between the ages of 34 and 44 women and men actually between those ages this is where confidence starts to really diminish and it's in where it's at its lowest step, which is quite frightening, and myself and Nats were chatting about this today and maybe over the past like two months or something like that, I've been getting like a niggle in my knee and I'm like thinking to myself what is this? Is this me getting older? And I don't know that it affected my confidence massively, but it got me really thinking oh, my god, is this going to be something that is going to affect me down the line?

Speaker 2: 6:38

And I am surrounded by amazing young women all of the time and it can be very, very easy to get maybe hung up on thinking actually, my body looks slightly different to what it did then and it definitely looks different to what their bodies look like. And it got me really thinking if you are maybe not in the industry and you're seeing these changes in your body as a result, potentially, of things that we've spoken about in the past, maybe not looking after yourself just as best as you can because of lifestyle. And what's going on in your lifestyle is that when you're starting to look after everybody else male and female looking after everybody else you fall to the bottom of the pecking order, and then that's when your confidence starts to drop.

Speaker 1: 7:22

Yeah, well do you think that's a massive, massive part of it, because then you go when you look at the flip side of it, the age 55 plus is when the highest body confidence is reported and it's that whole stop caring mentality of I've got a limited number of years left. Yeah, like I am who I am, I'm going to own it. Yeah, I'm going to live my life to the absolute best of my abilities. And I found that one really interesting. Yeah, but it got me thinking there was maybe what was it? Uh, grassroots to full-blown bush.

Speaker 1: 7:54

Yeah, we chatted briefly about this and how your menstrual cycle going into perimenopause and menopause at what point you actually start to feel the most empowered to know who you are, once you brought up your family, and you go right, that age 55 plus is that got a lot to do with it. You've reignited your power again. Yeah, they're quite like right, I know what my purpose is here. I've got the vision of what I'm going to be able to do, so does your confidence then start to grow? That? Because you're like, I know the path I'm on and I'm going to do it and see if you're not in line with that. I'm absolutely okay and I don't care. Yeah, I think that's got a huge part to be able to do with that 55 plus age group for sure, nuts.

Speaker 2: 8:33

Now, one of the things that was quite um striking was about boys. Yes, so we're talking. We're talking about girls here because obviously sisterhood circle and all that kind of stuff but boys between the 11 ages, 11 and 19 only 25 percent of them are worrying about their appearance. That's like almost half. Yeah, what girls are. And you wonder what is that? They're the same age, yeah, but what could it be?

Speaker 1: 9:01

what do think? I think the social media pressures on a girl are substantially higher In terms of. If you were, probably and this would be something quite interesting to look at so if you were to look at the amount of influencers that are female in comparison to male, I would imagine that the percentage of females is a lot higher. So therefore, it's pushed a little bit more. But I think that girls potentially look for external validation a bit more than boys do, and I think this we were going to cover this a wee bit further on, but it comes in naturally.

Speaker 1: 9:34

Here we were chatting and we'd looked at something on social media that was about the algorithm. Oh my God, yes, and I think this is an amazing factor to do with young girls. So it is. The social media algorithm is designed that see, when a girl uploads a picture and she waits to see how it interacts we know that that generation are all about how many likes am I getting, how many comments am I getting? And if they don't get what is deemed enough I don't even know what enough is nowadays to be fair they'll then go on, they'll delete that picture, and if they delete that within a certain time frame, the social media algorithm is then designed to push a weight loss ad onto their social media stream. So that could be from like a detox tea to a skinny jab, to mad gummies that they can then take, and the aim of that is to strike them at their most insecure point. But they are going to then make that in turn to make a buying decision now that in itself is absolutely so corrupt.

Speaker 2: 10:34

Yes, and if you?

Speaker 1: 10:35

think about girls at that age. Are boys at that age taking a selfie in a mirror, putting it on their feed, looking for validation? Maybe not, there will be some, but a lot less if you think about the amount of girls at that age that are taking like pictures getting ready to go out, get themselves all looking beautiful, putting it on, looking for that external validation that's got to show the drive and the number being slightly higher.

Speaker 2: 11:00

I think that there's a couple of things um attached to that. Firstly, I think probably what boys and girls look at on social media are very different. I think about my nephew Con. By the way, we shout out to him because he was asking me to come on, so he was asking me if he could come on. So he was asking me. Him and Cain actually were asking me if they could come on the podcast To be fair.

Speaker 1: 11:22

they'd have made more sense in a new episode, I know.

Speaker 2: 11:25

So I think that what they look at is very different. Like Connie's all about football and sports and all of that kind of stuff, and is there maybe like a huge drive towards how you look at that point? What are our girls looking at? We're looking at beauty products and all of that kind of stuff, so maybe there's that kind of side of things as well. Um, but one of the things that I wanted to just touch on and it just came into my head there what you said about likes and validation online in comparison to where my head went.

Speaker 2: 11:57

As in real life, say, for instance, you got three people walking up to you in the street saying, oh my god, you look so gorgeous today. I love your hair, I love your makeup or I love your outfit. That day, you would feel incredible. Yeah, yep, like amazing. You'd be like oh my god, I must look so nice, and you get 10 online comments and you deem that that you're not good enough. What is that teaching our girls? It's terrifying, isn't it? And three comments of people saying you look gorgeous. In real life, you'd be like yes, I mean there's on instagram.

Speaker 1: 12:32

You can turn off seeing how many likes a post gets, so people can go on their instagram profile they can still see how many likes they're getting, but they can mute it so that if I was going to look at the picture I wouldn't be able to see how many lines and see if you go like why do we even need something like that in this world? Like what is that doing? That is like totally disempowering your power within.

Speaker 2: 12:53

Yeah, that is. I think it's, um, again, something that we maybe need to. We need to change and hopefully, with the sisterhood circle, we can embark on that and can get people feeling valid without needing validation from external points. So, while we were putting this episode together, I was really thinking, and it popped into my head. Now, do not judge me when I say this, right, nay, judge me. Here.

Speaker 2: 13:20

We were talking about the barbie movie, right and first up, I didn't love it, right? What's your rating out of five Minus five? No, I'll give it minus four because I really like this quote. I need this quote.

Speaker 2: 13:35

It wasn't for me, right, it wasn't for me, but there was this amazing point in it where Gloria, she comes on and she speaks this amazing truth, and I don't know if any of you guys have already listened to it, but I had written it down and me and Nats are going to talk through it just now, because I think it is like it is so, so, so powerful, um, and I do believe that this is maybe a lot of the time where women's confidence can be knocked, and it's something, again that we've got to change like as, like a nation, as a world. We've got to change it. We've got to change and the way we think about things. So Gloria says it is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart and it kills me that you don't think that you're good enough. Like we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

Speaker 1: 14:36

You have to be thin, but not too thin. You can't say you want to be thin because you have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.

Speaker 2: 14:58

You're supposed to be a loving mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behaviour, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining.

Speaker 1: 15:17

You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful.

Speaker 2: 15:31

But never forget that the system is rigged, so find a way to acknowledge that, but always be grateful you have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

Speaker 2: 15:49

It's too hard, it's too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you and it turns out, in fact, that you're not only doing everything wrong but everything is also your fault. Like see, even just reading that out, I feel emotional and I think that it's an amazing thing you have put in a kids like a kids film and a film that we girls get to go see. So, as much as I give it a minus four, take your kids to go and see it, because there's a very, very empowering message in that there really, really is, and I think, like, honestly, that really stood out to me. I was like that, all right, it was worth coming to see it for a tiny bit, but we'd be really looking to hear, like your comments on that and maybe even any experiences you've had within, like your own life that has you can relate back to this. Yeah, I think that's the thing.

Speaker 1: 16:50

It's so relatable you can understand, even when you feed that alone, why we here day in, day out. I just want to be confident like it's easy to forget in a world that is all about comparison and what's going on that every individual is just trying their best. Every small business owner is just trying to succeed, every mother or father is just trying to do the best for their family, and I think you can get so consumed on the bigger picture, in that external validation, that it's like if the single one of us are just doing the best that they can and if we stop letting all this consume us, it can only be easier oh my god, definitely.

Speaker 2: 17:29

Can you imagine that you just didn't focus on social media and you just focused on your own life and just being the best that you could be? Oh my god, how incredible, crazy. Definitely so. Body confidence, baby. Now you? Here's the question. Yeah, what actually is it? Well, it's definitely not stepping on a set of scales. Let me tell you that for free. That how many times that, as coaches, you hear I would be confident if I can get to this weight?

Speaker 1: 17:59

oh my god you hear it so, so much and do you know what? You never hear someone stepping on the scales at a check-in and going I'm confident it doesn't happen. And no, I think that's a really big point, because we hear it so much that it's like I want to be confident. When someone comes in and they sit down for a consultation, that is the first thing that you normally hear and it's like they think that it's attached to this number. But it's genuinely so much more than that.

Speaker 2: 18:26

It's a feeling yes, and you know where I've probably seen it rise massively in the past month is actually in the clubs. Um, we've been doing something called the strength matters challenge, which is all about members beating their personal best. Once a week they come in and challenge themselves on their smart workouts where they need to do better than the week before, and the amount of confidence women feel from actually having a physical goal that they're in control of. Right a number on a scale can, like it can vary from day to day, week to week, to how much salt you had the night before or if you didn't have a good sleep or if you train too hard, and it doesn't matter how much work that you put into that, but you know that you can come in and focus yourself on a workout and the confidence that that is given our women, knowing that they, like increased their reps by one or 20 or 30 or whatever they did how amazing is that.

Speaker 1: 19:22

And and it's that whole like progress. People feel confident when they're making progress. Yes, right, and that's huge. I think we spoke about this in one of the podcasts on season one. Like you never look at a picture of yourself on a family holiday and say what weight you were. No, you look at a picture of yourself and go, oh my God, I look great there. I felt good. You remember that feeling. But I think there's a little bit of diet culture has potentially caused a bit of the lack of confidence in the whole attachment to a scale. But I think when you know that you're making progress, yeah that's a massive sign that you're then becoming confident.

Speaker 1: 19:58

we'll get into that a little bit um later on, but I think there's so many people they probably don't know, like if you were to say how's your confidence, they probably just see it as one whole bracket. Yeah, and I think that body confidence is a huge part of it. I think there's like confident in who you are as a person, yeah, personality right. You've then got professional confidence, yes, yes, right where the job and the role that you do. And then you've probably got relationship confidence right of like either your other half or friends, family members, and I think, if you look at it, there's probably those four sections of how confident are you in all those areas. Yeah, I imagine from conversations that we have, there's a lot of people that tick a lot of the confidence boxes but don't tick the other ones, and it's that sign of where are they showing up in their life think are most confident are the ones that are saying actually like I need some help.

Speaker 2: 20:55

And I know from coaching over the years a lot of girls would say to me like I come in and I'm just so sick of being this person that everybody thinks is super confident and I hate myself and I would just really love to have real confidence.

Speaker 2: 21:21

And a question that I always ask is what is confident to you? And I think that confidence isn't a one-size-fits-all and I think it's so important that you get in touch with what it means for you and I would say that probably for me in the last five years I've became probably confident in the person that I am and what I'm willing to accept in my life, and what that potentially has done is maybe like distanced me from different groups and those types of things, which isn't anything in a negative way, but you're confident in your own self, in your own circle, what fills your cup and all of those kind of things. And I think asking yourself that question what is confidence to me? What's going to build my confidence, what's going to drain my confidence and getting real with that is so important oh, massive, because I think it means something totally different at different.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Oh yeah yeah, I think there's a really big one. Like as a kid, like if you look at younger age kids, they're cutting about, being wholeheartedly, unapologetically, mumself right, they have got zero filter. They'll say what they think, and I think that is honestly incredible. But then there's a point in life where they start to lose that so I was thinking about right, what does that roadmap of confidence look like?

Speaker 1: 22:41

you've got kids. You then come into that 11 to 13 yeah, we just looked at and hormones are starting to kick in. There's body changes coming in that they've previously not felt from younger years. They're maybe getting a little bit curvier, they're maybe getting a bit busted and they're a bit like oh, what's going on here? The boys are a wee bit squeakier. Right, that's a big kid he took, right.

Speaker 1: 23:01

You then get to like that 16 age group where there's a little bit of starting to look at what am I going to do with my life? I think there's a lot of pressure on young girls and boys, um, at that age group of are you going to go to uni, are you going to go to college? Are you not, you're going to do apprenticeships? But then there's whole like younger age relationships starting to kick in. At that point that, I think, massively impacts our confidence. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:25

Then you go into like early 20s. Now I think it goes one of two ways. There's quite a lot of people at that age group that are settled in quite lengthy relationships, yeah, for a certain number of years, that are quite comfortable. Yeah, maybe stop showing up for themselves a wee bit, yeah, when that starts to unravel to early 30s. There's the flip side of the group that are I'm behind schedule and not where my friends are or like they're getting married, they're having kids. I'm just cutting a bite. That then naturally impacts your confidence and you're going to like the 30s.

Speaker 1: 23:57

Some people are in a privileged position that they're maybe starting families at that point, if that's what they're wanting to and able to, and then that comes with the's what they're they're wanting to and able to, and then that comes with the neglect of you're not showing up for yourself and I think you can see quickly when you look at the stats, yeah, of how they increase as that goes on until you get to that 55 plus, you can see how that unravels, definitely until you get to that point where you get a wee bit of control of your life perk and it's like you're in control the full time.

Speaker 2: 24:26

Yeah, and I think it's known. Yeah, it is, and I think, being clear, getting clarity, oh, massive.

Speaker 1: 24:32

You've got to keep that power charged.

Speaker 2: 24:33

Definitely huge now there's something that I wanted to talk about. Um, it was a question again that we had asked, sorry, one of our members had asked us and it was actually a really, really, really interesting question, and they said how do you cope when you stop being seen? One day you're just walking along the road being well-fusseled up and the next thing is nothing, right, how do you cope with that shit? There we go, go. I just did it again. Anyway, at least it was just the F-bomb, that's right. That's so right. You know my mum Sorry, I'm just going off track my mum said to me I've got one thing that I think you should do in the podcast, because there might be people that are watching it that really don't like swearing Stop swearing. I was like mum, I don't feel like I'm swearing a lot, but she does stop them more than me I do. But that's carol andros now, right, anyway, maybe we should cut that and just cut it and we'll stay confident. No, we'll again, all right, because it's who we are, as it's whoever our person, right, anyway? Um, so, what do you do when you stop being seen?

Speaker 2: 25:45

And what I like, what it really got me thinking about was how, how we, how we're seen. Is that to do with how we feel about our physical body? Because being seen isn't all about what you look like, and I think that that's something that I really wanted to touch on, because, see, if the way you're viewing yourself is the only way that you're actually seen is by how you physically appear. Of course, you're going to feel like, when you get slightly older and things don't look the same way as they did before, that you're going to maybe feel like you're not being seen. But what if you actually empowered yourself and went like that? It's not so much about what people are seeing, but the person that I am.

Speaker 2: 26:33

I have never been around my group of girls in my life and thought, oh god, she looks older, right, or she doesn't look as perky as she did before, or any of those things. I love looking at them, laughing and smiling, and the energy they give and the beauty that they bring to the room and the chat and the memories, and I think that if we are thinking about being seen as just being what we look like visually instead of what we bring to the table as women, we're missing out on so much and I think that God, god see, if we could, like see ourselves through our best friend's eyes. Oh, what kind of power. Like, like I sit here, like I mean, we've had conversations before and you've been like that to me. Oh, I just don't feel this or I don't feel that and vice versa. Right, yeah, and I am looking at you and I'm like you are literally the funniest, most beautiful, amazing, incredible person. How can you think I'm like you are literally the funniest, most beautiful, amazing, incredible person? How can you think that about yourself?

Speaker 1: 27:27

Yeah, you would never like when you're sitting with your people, right, and this is where this is such an important one to surround yourself with people that are on your vibe, your level and your energy, because you would never sit here and be looking at what you look like. You'd be laughing at the words that's coming out of your mind, what your personality is, the daftness that comes with it. But, as a person, that's not what we always look at for ourselves. And the thing about do you stop being seen or do you stop showing up yeah, I think that's huge, because being seen is one thing. If you're looking at that personal, that physical appearance, sorry, but is it that you're looking at that personal, that physical appearance? Sorry, but is it that you're stopped being seen or are you just stopping showing up for yourself and that's then how you feel?

Speaker 1: 28:10

I think that's a big thing, because if you're not showing up for yourself, doing the things that you once said you were going to be able to do, or keeping yourself accountable to your purpose, your goals and your aspirations, is that when we start to feel like we're stopping being seen, that's really hard. Stopping being seen. It's like seashells on the seashore is it she-shells anyway? So me choking. Is it that you've stopped to show up, so you feel like you're starting to go back, because you're no longer feel like you're succeeding?

Speaker 2: 28:51

I think, um, like, I think we're going to touch on this later on, but see what you said about like you're not showing up for yourself anymore. See where you feel a bit rotten about yourself. What do you cut about looking like right? So let's be honest.

Speaker 1: 29:04

Baggy, top nothing on your kitten, hiya. I don't feel that way. I'm so confident. No, I think that's true. Like how you show up, and that's probably I'll carry on later on. But like if you're expecting not to put effort into you but show up feeling confident like. But show up feeling confident Like it's mad.

Speaker 1: 29:27

See, for example, I got about and worked this morning and I had no makeup on because my skin was a wee bit dry and I was like I'll just put some moisturiser on. I'm going to make myself look a wee bit more presentable for the podcast and you look beautiful. Thanks so much. This is presentable, by the way. And I went in and started getting ready and I was like putting a wee bit of makeup on and, honestly, like seeing her walk back, I I did feel like my shoulders were back, my head was up a wee bit more, because I was like, do you know what? Like that looks so much better than it did.

Speaker 1: 29:51

And you go see if we stop showing up for herself in the simple tasks of taking self-care. Self-care, by the way, doesn't need to be a fancy massage. It doesn't need to be going and spending hundreds of pounds. It can simply just be going for a nice shower, a nice bath and coming out and actually taking time to care for your body, putting moisturizer on, getting a wee bit of music on nice pajamas, nice I mean nice pajamas.

Speaker 2: 30:18

I mean I was in pre-market and I was like this year I think I'm gonna get myself a nice pair of pajamas for tonight. Now, I don't know if anybody can relate to this, but a nice pair of pyjamas changes everything. You don't want the ones that you've spilled your spaghetti bolognese down and they've got like a wee hole in them or something like that. You just don't feel great. If you're like right, I've just did my hair are we American? And my hair, son, you're here and you're like mate, I'm going to put them on. You put your pyjamas on and they've got a stain on them. You're just not feeling confident in your pyjamas.

Speaker 1: 30:49

By the way, I love new pyjamas. Remember, in lockdown I straightened them right. So digressing but funny. So see, if I made it round Asda to go back and buy myself pyjamas, Save any streggling in them. No, no jammies.

Speaker 2: 31:05

No, no Papa has one True story by the way.

Speaker 1: 31:10

Actually, what is so good? Really good. That's a way to bribe yourself, but anyway, that's why you shop on Aldi's because they don't sell jammies and you become a bit richer, they might in the middle lane from time to time.

Speaker 2: 31:21

Sorry, alfie, I'm jumping the bag, alfie, they are not pyjamas. That will make you feel confident, by the way, was that? Oh no, that was Gresh. Do you remember the Gresh Jaffee? What the hell Made swipers? Put your sausage rolls in here. Ha ha ha, right, right, goodbye people. What did they say?

Speaker 1: 31:58

What did they say? I just love it, so it's huge For noise.

Speaker 2: 32:06

Right, I'm going to do a spot. I just love a sausage roll For toys. Right, I'm going to do this. I'll put Natalie's name there, because that means she needs to be lashed together. Sausage roll, toys, sausage roll, toys. A roll of sausage. Right, we need to stop. This is ridiculous. Right, calm down, calm down, calm down. So, natalie, I'm going to get a tissue. One day I'll wear mascara, I know well. No, you've not actually made them anyways.

Speaker 1: 32:32

Anyway, that's great funny. I hope that was entertaining. Yeah, yeah, like you've got to be able to look after your body and, as you say, if you're putting your hammies on that I've got like your dinner spilt down them and expecting that was cue for sort yourself um, then of course you're not going to feel confident and if that's how you're looking after yourself and you're expecting to be seen, yeah, is that enough?

Speaker 2: 32:54

yeah, exactly, but also don't like put your value of yourself on someone else. Seeing you see yourself for who you are and we'll talk about that later on down the line, and we'll talk about a couple of things that we're going to help you with later on the line down the line. Be seen by yourself.

Speaker 2: 33:12

But one thing that we wanted to chat through is confidence like a mindset or is it a direct result of actions that you take, and one of the things that I teach in my Unwritten, the Female Master Plan is body confidence and how you get it, and we deep dive massively into for it, like where it comes from, and what we talk about, and what we're going to talk about today is the areas in your life where you feel the most confident, like is it like?

Speaker 2: 33:46

What would it be? Would it be being a mum? Would it be your job? Would it be your relationship? Would it be like your fitness? And usually what we find is it's the thing that you do most often, that you feel the most confident, and and that's because you practice it day in, day out, every single day and the areas that you feel the most confident in, and that's because you practice it day in, day out, every single day, and the areas that you feel least confident in are the areas that you tend to neglect, but they would make such a massive impact if you Huge.

Speaker 1: 34:15

Yeah, think about this. Imagine you were to start a new job. You would go into that new job. You'd be nervous, you wouldn't feel confident, you'd be like I don't really know what I'm doing. You keep turning up every day for enough days and enough weeks and all of a sudden you're a master at this new job. Your confidence feels great, you don't fear it and you're like, unapologetically yourself in that role.

Speaker 1: 34:41

Imagine we showed up for ourself that consistently in all other areas of our life. What would that then do? And we say all the time it's a direct impact of action. Yes, if you're not actioning something, your confidence is directly then being impacted from it. And I think we all chase this feeling of being confident, but we're not always willing to do the work to get there. Then it requires to be able to do it, and then that's when we start going for the external validation, because we're trying to get that quick, like dopamine hit of like I'm confident, but it's like wait a minute.

Speaker 1: 35:21

You've got to be willing to first of all know where the boxes are that need to be ticked near you as a person, right, if you don't know what your non-negotiables are, if you don't know what directly impacts how you feel, then you've got to get clear on that, definitely got to then be willing to put the work in and tick the box. Nobody else is going to do that for you. Whether that be like. This could be anything. It could be body confidence of showing up for yourself, health and fitness. It could be work confidence, relationship confidence as well, like you've got to be willing to show up and tick the box to be able to get the reward back in return?

Speaker 2: 35:57

definitely, and I think, something that you you say it really often and I'm surprised you didn't say it there no action is an action. Yeah, right, and that's the truth. Like when you don't take an action, that is an action in itself. So it's about if. Do you know what would be amazing if you guys could sit down for a wee minute and talk about the one action that you could actually take? That would change the trajectory even of your confidence, whether it be like when, that's it said, body life, relationships, whatever it is, because it would be a damn shame for us to not know where our power lies. Oh, hugely.

Speaker 2: 36:36

I think I did a wee post on that the other morning on on the instagram page. If you haven't already followed us on there, make sure you do go on and have a wee follow. But I know anyway, check me out. But I was out running and I actually this is brilliant. I don't know why I never thought about this. Never even thought about it anyway. So I've been out running with Stuart recently and Stuart is, oh my god, he's so, and it's amazing how fast he is, but it does make you feel like you are shit Right. So he's so fast. And when I say he's fast, like I'm talking, he's in zone two heart rate for anybody that knows when they're training. And you're in zone five and you're just like, and he's still 100 metres in front of you.

Speaker 2: 37:19

Yeah, honestly, this guy, it's unbelievable, unbelievable. So I would say that, like myself and Stuart did our first high rocks um back in March time, yeah, yeah, and we did amazing. But Stuart was just recovering from an operation and now I'm starting to think to myself how am I ever going to keep up with him in Geneva we're getting tickets, by the way, just haven't got them yet but how am I going to keep up with him? And every time I was going out with him, I felt like and no, no fault of Stuart's more than myself I felt like I was getting less confident in my runs. I think I said this to you. I'm like I'm not doing good here with my running. And I was like, right, okay, do you know what? I feel like I need to go out a couple of runs myself. You know, I'm a kind of need to warm up into a run, kind of girl, right, I can't just go and run for 30 kilometers. Do you know what I mean? Right off the horse, right that day we did that. I do like a warm-up, right. So if we can take us back to this, warm yourself up properly right before you try and be confident.

Speaker 2: 38:19

And but yeah, and I went and I warmed up properly, I ran about my back garden like a loony doing all the twists and all of that, all the stuff. And then I did a wee, like maybe a five minute run, before I even set my watch, and I absolutely bossed my run like I bossed it in my like vo2 max started doing season. I was, and I was like, yes, and I was pure buzzing with myself because I did it myself. But there was lots of like um wee points along the road where I was like my confidence is getting knocked, my confidence is getting knocked, my confidence is getting knocked. And sometimes you've got to say, well, do you know what? I'm not going to do that thing that's going to knock my confidence. I've got to take myself out of that and I'm going to do some stuff on myself, I'm going to do some work on myself and I'm just going to push myself to do that and the result is then your confidence starts to increase.

Speaker 1: 39:13

Yeah, yeah, see the thing, if you really think about it, your confidence is in the inaction. Yeah, like, if you just take the power, take the bull by the horns and start doing it, you're going to start to reap the reward, yeah, and then return. And I think it's important to look at right, okay, like, look at the areas that you feel like your confidence is lacking and like if I was sitting here myself, I'd be able to go right, okay, I know the areas where my confidence excels. I'm so, like, assuring myself strong-minded, that kind of stuff but you naturally know the areas where it's not. Yeah, oh, right, wait a minute. Like you can't keep shying away and expecting the different outcome to come from it. And I think, like, as a woman, we probably say, like our confidence lies in our body, yeah, and it's going.

Speaker 1: 39:57

When was the last time that you actually sat down and was honest with yourself and went right, okay, where is my body confidence? What's one action that I can do to make that better? Where is my relationship confidence, friends, family, all that kind of stuff and what's one action I can do to make that better? Yeah, do that for your professional life. I can't remember what the fourth one I said, but anyway, the fourth one, you don't know it is. And then go right. There's four simple actions that are going to in seven days for direct impact on my confidence.

Speaker 1: 40:27

Yeah, because it's immediate change, like it doesn't take four months for your confidence to increase. You know, one small thing to show up for yourself, and you're probably listening to this going. There's one thing that I just keep avoid doing every single day that I know I should be doing, and it's it's impacting funny, funny um voice and it's impacting how you then feel. So you've got to start to take action on it. So, yeah, moving swiftly on, anyway, I'm gonna get to talk about this date now. Moving on, by the way, can I say see, since we brought that up on a podcast, I have had absolute pelters off of a few people in terms of how's the dating chat and how is the dating. I've not got any updates because I'm not taking action.

Speaker 2: 41:17

So I can't expect a different outcome so what is one actionable thing that you could do this week? Nat, natalie, this was not meant to go this way. Right? I'll let you think about that.

Speaker 1: 41:28

No, to be fair, you've got to show up right, like I show up in all the things I'm great in right, or you do and you're great at so many. But it's easy to fill your cup with the stuff that you're like I can do that, that's easy. Good job makes yourself feel good, but he needs you up in the areas you're not. Yeah, I need to be better at online dating. I know, I just wish. Do you know what it's like? Honestly, it's judging people on appearance. Yeah, like like this. Is it right? Just in case you're listening on spotify, I've got a bit of paper in front of me and I'm kidding on, it's a phone ginormous phone.

Speaker 1: 42:02

Remember the big phones you used to get for like your gran, the big numbers. Remember that hello.

Speaker 2: 42:08

No, you still don't know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 42:10

No, you're too young anyway, so I do anyway and you go oh, not my type, not my type looks great, not like, and there's nothing personality about that. So you are judging someone on appearance, and see what we're. This is probably really relatable, actually. So see what we're chatting about on body confidence, right, like see, when I'm doing that, like I'm having to judge someone on how they look. Is that how you judge a person? No, no, it's not. You judge someone on like, right, okay, if they get good chat, like am I, I going to sit across the name of them, like when's this over? And are you going to feel that conversation flows? Are you judging someone on? Well, not judging, but are you looking for someone with personality, of course, someone that's ambitious, someone that's got common interests? I think that is a great example, for that's what you look at when you're chatting to your pals.

Speaker 2: 43:01

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:08

Right that when you're chatting to your pals, yeah right, you're not looking at here's a bit. Could I really do top could be nicer like you're not doing any of that. So I think that's where it's a bit with superficial. Yeah, superficial is exactly, it's like, it's very like that.

Speaker 2: 43:14

So you're just so a superficial person so do you know what could be quite a good ask for the listeners here? No, well, I mean, I potentially that could be good. But also, like in this day and age, right, yeah, where do you meet people when you like, I mean night, like when I was young, you would do it with your pals and you would go to the pub and you would go to a night club. Right, night clubs are obsolete now, yeah, do people even do nightclubs anymore? Unless you're like, yeah, because there's never been a nightclub I know wild, wild.

Speaker 2: 43:48

Um, so like, where do you actually meet people unless it is online? And is that why it is so, so challenging? And is that why people's confidence is being knocked because you're putting a picture on and like maybe you're not getting, whatever way you swipe or whatever you do, and by that time, sorry, we welcome back to the point. So hold that point for me, right? So this one time we were in the car and, um, I was like what is like tinder? And I was like let me have a look. And I was like I'll do it, I'll do it for you, and I did it the wrong way for everybody and I swiped, right.

Speaker 2: 44:31

I did whatever way was wrong, right, and I swiped. I don't even know what this occupation is, but it was an underwater pirate. It was an underwater pirate and I an underwater fight. That's just like yes, what have you done? And I was like I don't know.

Speaker 1: 44:48

I'm really sorry, I'm not behind schedule anyway. So on, yeah, and it is, and you go put what you're um, I do think it does. Where was our point there? I've lost track for people. If that is like dating, I think I said to you a few weeks back like it's not. You're always like just chat to people and I'm like I can chat to them. They're like love the sound of my own voice. But it's very different. Like if you went out and chatted with someone, that was with someone and you didn't know. Like we're in a day and age that like mi5 are on you, like girls are brutal, like they'll find you on instagram and it'll be like an instagram dm. You're chatting to my man like x, y and z, as, and I don't know if, like there was always no, that culture when it came to dating of just actually having a chat with.

Speaker 2: 45:40

Oh my god they appear good banter, yeah, and I think like and I think that's one of the hardest things like I met Stuart. One of the first times I met Stuart was outside a tailors and he came out with a pool cue and he was talking to my cousin Donna. And then the next time I met him I kind of fancied him a wee bit. I was down the stairs and the floor in the middle of the dance floor had buckled and I was up the stairs and I was just about to finish my shift. It was like half two in the morning and the manager at the time came down and she was like Ashvon, you're going to take one stand in the middle of that dance floor. Until the gloves closed I just stood and made sure people didn't get trapped. But I was then like looking, making sure people didn't get trapped, and then I was like it was almost like Prince Charming moment. I was like do you concede Lacoste, trainer? Because that's my man, and I felt so confident you know what I mean in my wee tailor's shirt and all that.

Speaker 2: 46:38

There was a clone at the time, let me tell you. I know anyway, but that doesn't happen very much and I think like it is definitely a wee bit harder. So, yeah, the question was, though the question was there was a question how can Nats meet somebody if it is not online, or how does a person do it if it's not online? What is out there that isn't a nightclub or a pub like? Are there places that you can go and meet people that want to go and climb a hill, that are single, see stuff like that? Do you know what? Why don't we just put that on our vision board for the sisterhood circle as well? What will we call it?

Speaker 1: 47:16

I think, honestly, the way this is going, there's going to be a full episode in online day and all that's his love life.

Speaker 2: 47:22

Part 1, 2 and 3 See life. Part one, two or three, see cool. No, anyway, listen, let's get back to this. So what strips your confidence? Yeah, I think that that's important to speak about that because, see, if you're not aware of something that's in your life that could potentially be pulling you or distracting you away from being confident, if you're not aware of some, if you're not aware of something, then you can't do anything about it. And you had said the big one for you was the victim mentality.

Speaker 1: 47:52

That's a stripper of confidence, massive like I think in life we actually bought something on instagram about this. Things either happen to you or by you. This mentality there's two types of people. This or everything happens to me. It's just the way that it's going to be.

Speaker 1: 48:09

Okay, I'd never get that job or I'd never be able to go on that holiday, and you hear this. And one it makes you sad that someone would talk to themselves that way. But two, I also make you want to go up, put a hand on its shoulder and give them a shake to say you have the power. Every single one of us have got it. Yeah, you've just got to understand that. See, 99% of things in this world happen by you. Yeah, there are a small few things that can genuinely happen to you, and that's just the cards that you've got in life. But so many things happen by you.

Speaker 1: 48:47

But you've got to be willing to take control and go. If I want this to change, I've got to be willing to take action. Yeah, right, and even when we joke about my dating life, right, I can't moan about it because I'm not willing to take the action at times. Put the time and the effort in for the reward to be different. So you just go. It is what it is, but it doesn't mean I'm then like a victim, like no, oh, you're moaning about it all the time, and it's the same for loads of things in your life, whether it is your job, that you're just like fuck, I'm just stuck in this job I'd never be able to take back. You know what change it? Yeah, like you've got the same opportunities as a person sitting next to you. You've just got to be able to go look for them?

Speaker 2: 49:24

yeah, definitely. That is therefore and I think that you speak about this quite a lot like hearing I'm just stuck in a rut and I'm unhappy. And there is like, don't get me wrong. Like I know that everybody's situations are challenging, like we all have challenging situations, we do but it's how you perceive them. Do you look for the challenge or do you look for the frigging solution? And like I don't know about you, but I speak to people all day long and I am like that solution, solution, solution, solution. I am your solution, woman.

Speaker 1: 49:52

There is no no in my vocabulary I think, when you've been practicing this for so long, though, you sat down with someone and they're having a really hard time, they're in this rock, or they're just maybe a more. It happens to me kind of person and see, within 10 minutes, there's three actionable solutions that are out there, and I sometimes don't even know where they come from, because it's just the way I feel like my brain is down wired in that way that, yeah, 90% of the time we all have our off days, right, 90% of the time, we are just like what's the solution? How do we fix it? Right, that can be better, that can be better, right, let's do that. And there you go. And that person is like, oh my God, that 10 minutes that we've given them, they're just like that's a game changer, and you go.

Speaker 2: 50:35

If the problem has a solution, you've just got to be willing to open your eyes to it and is if you're resisting the solutions, then you're always going to be stuck in the problem. Yeah, and as it's just being able to go like that, actually do you know what? Maybe what this person is telling me or what I'm telling myself is right or wrong, and I think that being open enough to take solutions is vitally important and here's the thing you've got to sometimes ask yourself the tough, closed questions.

Speaker 1: 51:05

I think, as people were more inclined from ask ourself a question. It's like, right, okay, an open question so that we can have this long winded answer that, in a roundabout way, is a pure excuse. Yeah, but see, if you ask yourself am I doing the things that need to do, that I need to do, to get the reward that I'm looking for? Yes or no, don't care if you're too busy, if you've've not got enough time, if life's getting in the way or things are really hard. Are you doing it or are you not? Yeah, right, and you've sometimes got. How much would you love to say that. There's some people you can say it you're supposed to have to right yes or no, yeah, I don't care if your cat said this or that or what right you didn't you know. And see if the answer is no, then there you go, like you've got, and then start to take the action.

Speaker 1: 51:46

I think it's also massive. Like your words right, are huge when it comes to this, and we actually spoke about this earlier. Like your words have got energy attached to them. If you are cutting about all the time and somebody's like, oh, how are you? And you're like, oh, I'm all right and I'm fine, but you're expected expecting to be this ball and beacon of confidence. But that's how you're cutting about, choosing to see how you're feeling and looking at how you're feeling, you go.

Speaker 2: 52:14

That's got to shift as well, to be able to have that energetic feel about yourself, to be able to take action for sure, and then as well, like on top of that, like expecting confidence to come from an external, like an external place, you're looking outwards for your confidence instead of inwards, and I think that it's wild to think that you could create something, an energetic, fierce field sorry within yourself, that is, this confident person from something external. So I'm waiting for this to happen, for to get this approval or whatever it is. It's not about looking externally, it's about looking internally and being like this is who I am and I think that that's that there's a huge, there's huge weight behind that.

Speaker 1: 53:02

Yeah, and I and I think everything ties in, like, if you think about, like, when we're talking about the law of attraction and vision, like you've got to get clear on what you want, right? So it starts with a clear understanding of who am I as a person? Where am I just now? What do I want to be as a person? Right, okay, bridge the gap of what actions to be required. What do I want to get out of my life? Like we get one shot at this, like you've got to know what it is that you want to, then be able to create the actions to do it that, in turn, are then going to impact the confidence that you're so seeking. So see, if we're chasing this confidence constantly and you're just like I just want to be confident, you're never going to get that without going back and doing the groundwork.

Speaker 1: 53:48

Yes, who am I? Who do I want to be? What's my vision? Where am I? What do I need to do to get there? These are the actions that they need to happen. This is how I'm going to do it. Let's act exactly right, and I think everyone thinks it's got to take three months. I've got a three month spell to know what I want to do and what my vision is okay. You need to sit down for 15 minutes and get real with yourself and be willing to put out there what it is that you want, no matter how scary it is, no matter how far fetched it might feel from where you're at right now. If you're not willing to say what it is that you want, you're never going to get there and you're never going to have that external, that internal confidence that you're so much seeking.

Speaker 2: 54:26

Do you think, see, like what you just said there about fear, right? Do you think fear stops people from getting confident? Like fear of, maybe what might happen if you were to get everything that you wanted, how could it change my whole like, how would it change my whole in life, whole entire life? People are scared to change. Yeah, oh, my like, we live in this like capsule of safety. If we're fortunate enough, we live in this capsule of safety and you think to yourself, I wonder and this is just coming out my head right now is, could stepping outside of this capsule and really going for you? What like you want? Yeah, taking that kind of action, that takes massive, massive confidence, like it takes. It takes a huge amount of confidence to step outside of that. But if we're comfortable, being comfortable, does that keep you confined? Like, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1: 55:27

No, I do get where you're going. Mike Goes is fear and I'll let it excuse.

Speaker 2: 55:32

Fear is something that definitely Is fear real Is fear real.

Speaker 1: 55:36

What is it? Because imagine, right, okay, this is a dream life that I want. What's your fear? I get there.

Speaker 2: 55:42

I get there and then things change, like maybe the people around me think differently about me or I lose people or I get everything that I want. Would I be happy it's all fear like. Is what is fear this?

Speaker 1: 55:54

is a whole different point. I think it's. I think it's a feeling and it's an emotion. Yeah, I think like fear is like we talk about happiness, like there's so many emotions that are going to come and go throughout an entire life and there's not one that I genuinely don't believe you can keep a state for no period of time. Like it's life, there's going to be ups and there's going to be downs, and I do think fear is like an emotion.

Speaker 1: 56:16

When you start to think I've taken that action right, you get clear on what it is you want and you're like, right, okay, I'm going to start to go, right, okay. And then there's not happiness yet because you're not there. There's not like I'm stuck in that rut, because you've now started to say what it is that you want, so you've admitted it, you've put it out there, and then there's this whole like oh, what's that next thing? I need to feel, I need something. But, right, fear is the ones. Yeah, is it just a feeling? I would probably say that was the thing about fear. Anytime that I've spoke about it, it's definitely been a feeling. It's been like I'm a feeling that I'm then looking for validation to pull me back on, not to go in that direction so what do we say?

Speaker 2: 56:56

if you're, if you're, if you're.

Speaker 1: 56:58

I just said I was crazy. Did you mind to say the actual word?

Speaker 2: 57:01

if you're my fear, right, that's it. Face your fear. What was that one that you said feel, no, feel the fear and do it anyway. That's definitely a book or something like that, but it's the one that you, anyway, you can say lots of things and again you can't remember them um any, let's pull back on both here. It was really off script, it was, but do you?

Speaker 1: 57:22

know what it's all. This is what it's about, though, and this is why you've got to have these conversations right, because these women see everything we've just chatted about there like it's stuff that comes up day to day, but maybe in your circle you don't chat about it, so it's easy to cut about and think right, you're the only person having to use an online dating app and feeling it when you're not really drawing, but? Or you could be like right, I'm the only person that's feeling not confident in my body, but this is exactly what the sister circle's all about. For us is to have those real conversations of who we are as women, what shapes us as women and how we come connected from that. Yeah, definitely so, yeah.

Speaker 2: 58:00

Sausage roll toes fun. Oh my god, you were laughing at that, weren't you?

Speaker 1: 58:04

that was good but then we've got to think right what is the action and what is the daily principles that we can bring in to make a change on that? Because it's one thing for us to sit here who practice a lot of this day in, day out, and, as we say, it's just our normal. To someone who's like, where would that even start? Yeah, with trying to make a change.

Speaker 2: 58:28

Yep, and I think the first one we spoke about very briefly, um, was get ready like you mean it. Get up in the morning, take time to show up. Yeah, put your hair in a way that you like. It doesn't need to be all waved and gorgeous, but make a wee effort instead of just slapping it in a bun, if it is something that makes you feel good. Put a wee bit of makeup on. Wear matching underwear. Squirt a wee bit of perfume if that makes you feel better. Wear the nice leggings. Show up the way you want to be seen for you, not for the outer world, because it's nice when you go to the loo at 12 o'clock and you look in the mirror and don't go whoa, what happened to her? I mean, we've all been there. Yeah, like we've all been there.

Speaker 2: 59:14

It's been a mental day. You've been taking a class like you're wow, because mirrors and work, by the way, are really close to your coop and something. They're very close to your cooping and very natural, like, let me just tell you just, all the council members know what we're talking about. So they're doing Irvine anyway, but see those days that you do, make that wee bit of extra effort, like for me at the moment, like I'm doing a lot of work from home just now and I know that if I get up and I put my gym leggings on and my top on and all of those kind of things and I make an effort, when I nip to the loo and I see myself in my bathroom, I go actually, I look good to you and it does.

Speaker 2: 59:48

There's something attached to that, whereas the days like the other night, I was like Stuart, don't judge me for these jammies. They were not matching pajamas, in fact, one wasn't even a pajama top and I think it had been in a ball and I was just knackered. And girls you know, sometimes you just need things to be loose, like I needed there to be no bra, I needed there to be no pants, I just needed to be a bit of a sloppy ball, right. And I looked at myself as I came down the stairs and I was like I have to shout to him not to judge me here, but if I was cutting about like that every day, would that be making me feel my best? Would it buggery? So get dressed like you, enjoy what you're looking like. I think that that makes a big difference, massive.

Speaker 1: 1:00:32

And see if you catch yourself being negative, flip it. Oh yes, this is a huge one. Like we all cut about often, saying what we don't want, yeah. Or saying how stressed, how under pressure. Where are these kind of things? See the moment you see yourself saying that, flip it because your energy attached. When you're like I don't have enough time, I just look like this this is just a life I'm going to have. Is that the woman that you want to be? Is that the language that you vision, the woman that you want to be? Is that the language that you vision, the woman that you want to be? Saying absolutely not. And see the power of your words and what that then does to your energy yeah, what it does to your outlook and, most importantly, what it does to your action is huge, yeah, and it's so simple to be able to do it.

Speaker 1: 1:01:19

I was chatting to someone the other day. I've noticed and she would absolutely not mind me, not mind me saying this say, for probably the last eight to twelve weeks, I don't have enough time. And I said what if you started saying I've all the time that I need but I don't? I was like how much time you spend on your phone screen time was scary. I went how much time are you watching something at night? And I was like you're validating yourself by saying you don't have time. Start to say I've all the time that I need and I guarantee you you're going to put your phone down a bit more. You're not going to sit and watch that last episode because you're starting to act and turn with your words yeah, definitely, and I think the energy one's a big one in that.

Speaker 2: 1:02:00

Like you hear, I'm just so tired and see the thing, like maybe you are tired, there is like there is weight to that, but see if you could say I'm working towards gaining more energy. What actions would you take if you were working to having more energy? It doesn't need to be. I'm so tired, I am so full of life. It's I'm working towards that and see if you could start saying those types of things. It doesn't need to be the complete polar opposite, but it can be like I'm working towards these things. And that leads us really nicely onto like your affirmations.

Speaker 2: 1:02:32

Now a lot of people think like affirmations are, um, like, are airy fairy, right, they are absolutely not. Whatever you affirm to yourself through your words every single day is what you become. I am I learned this years ago as two of the most powerful words in your vocabulary. Whatever you put after I am will shape your reality. I am ugly, I am tired, I am bored, I am depressed. Right, see, if you were to then flip those to, I am powerful. I am making a difference. I am love, god, my god, that one. I am love. I mean Jesus. You know what I'm like with that right. See, if we were to start seeing those types of affirmations in the morning, I am getting stronger, I am getting happier, I am getting more energetic.

Speaker 2: 1:03:24

It doesn't need to be the complete polar opposite. Get up in the morning and say your affirmations. You don't need to change them every day. In fact, I challenge you not to change them every day. I challenge you to keep those affirmations the exact same every single day, because the more you say them, the more you feel them, the more. The more you believe them, the more those things show up in your life. It's not about changing everything every day. It's about consistency. Like anything in the whole world is like consistency. Pick three affirmations and roll with them. You're doing for 30 days without failure.

Speaker 1: 1:03:59

Watch the stuff show up, yeah, huge. Then another one is like the power of three. Now we talk about this probably in a more like journaling sense. Now, for some people, if you were to mention journaling, it's like a dot of time. It's another thing to do. Journaling doesn't mean sitting down with a candle uninterrupted for 15 minutes. With a really fancy notepad, journaling can be literally done driving your car on the way home from work and going.

Speaker 1: 1:04:27

What's one thing that I did well today? All right. What's one compliment I either received or I gave to someone to make themselves feel good and can I just say see if you see it, see it right, it's huge. Like, see if you see someone looking great, be the person that's going to compliment them, because think how good you feel when you're giving that compliment. We've got to lift each other up to be able to build on that, but then also be able to go.

Speaker 1: 1:04:53

What's the one thing that I'm grateful for? We sometimes find ourselves in life chasing constant things that we want and reaching for the new job, the new handbag, new car, whatever, that we sometimes forget how grateful we've got to be for the simple things that we've got in life. Yeah, and I know like people are like, oh, that's maybe a bit extreme, but see, if you've got a roof over your head, that is something to be hugely grateful for. If you can turn a shower on and know that you're going to have hot water coming out of it, you can open your fridge and know that you've got food in there to be able to have a meal. That's something that so many people don't have and seem. Rather than spending your energy chasing those materialistic things, actually just look at what you do have and appreciate it, because your energy is going to be a lot better, you're going to stop chasing and your overall outlook is going to change massively. I agree Fabulous.

Speaker 2: 1:05:44

Thanks. Now one other thing is move your body right and moving your body brings so much confidence. But move it like, with purpose and don't do it as punishment. Right, like it's a privilege to move your body right and you don't need to be brilliant at it, right, as long as you're moving. It can be 10 minutes a day, but remember it's a privilege to move your body and the more you do something, the better you get at it. So don't think that you're going to be able to go out and run 10 miles in a day if you've never run bloody a kilometer, you know. Like, just be present with yourself when you're exercising and be appreciative of it and know that each time that you do it you're going to get a bit better at it and, as a discipline, if you're getting better at something and better in something, you're going to get more confident in it. So move your body with that like be present in what you're doing, when you're exercising, huge and be willing to stretch your boundaries ever so slightly, every day and every couple of days.

Speaker 1: 1:06:45

We talk about comfort zones and we talk about being quite resistant to change. Sometimes we're resistant to change in our comfort zone because we're here and what we're expecting is a way out there and we think that we're just going to be able to do a jump to get there. You've got to be willing to push that ever so slightly, day on day. Imagine that you just really, really want to be able to go in and do a cold water dip in open water one day. But you've never experienced it before and it terrifies. You see, when you're in the shower, see, before you stop the shower, put it cold for 10 seconds and see, the next day do it for 15, then do it for 20. It's not immediately going to reach that goal, but it's slowly stretching to one day. You're like do you know what? Let's go for a week, do that?

Speaker 2: 1:07:29

yeah, exactly fantastic consuming content that makes you feel empowered and cutting out the stuff that leaves you feeling drained. One of the things with social media is we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, but we're not actually feeling. And feeling and feeling, feeling, but are we feeling, but we're just not realizing it. Yeah, right, so I think that getting switched on when you're on social media can be a really good thing. Being switched on to actually, oh, that made me feel bad about myself there. What was that feeling and seeing and see.

Speaker 2: 1:08:01

If it does immediately go like that, I'm done with that unfollow block, whatever the hell you want to do, like hide if you're still want to be pals with the person, but you don't want to see the crap that they're posting like, whatever it is, if it doesn't make you feel body confident, if it doesn't make you feel good, if it makes you feel worse, if you're trying to step away from something and it's constantly there, then just get rid of it. But on the flip side of that, the stuff that builds you up and makes you feel more confident within yourself. Look at that. Do you know what I love about our sisterhood circle instagram? Yeah, the algorithm with that right. So we? We don't follow loads of people on there, we've just got like our followers and, honestly, when I go on, I'm just like this is freaking amazing. It's so positive. Yes, isn't?

Speaker 1: 1:08:53

it. I'm like, or interesting, or things that are really in line with you, yes, which is huge, and I think you're spot on. Like so much can be detached on social media and you don't need to be following everyone, every brand, everything. If it does not sit with your values as a person, let it go, definitely. I think that brings us on to you've got to have a good evening routine.

Speaker 1: 1:09:19

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, like our bodies need to be able to switch off. See, when you go to turn the computer off and it's got 15 tabs open and it comes up a warning sign and it's like, oh, do you still want to shut this down? And you do. And then the next morning you come in and you restart it and it takes about 20 minutes for the bugger to restart and you're like, oh, my god, what's that about? This is taking pure ages. It's because it never shut down properly. You never took the time to close the taps. See that, like your body, right? You can't expect your body to go from 100 miles an hour sitting on phones, watching tellies, doing the dishes, making sure everything's done, lying on your bed, shut your eyes, go to sleep. It's just, we're not robots. You've got to have some form of an evening routine again. It doesn't need to be fancy get your phone down an hour before you go to your bed. See if just now that seems so far-fetched that it's near impossible. Pick a half an hour before you go. 20 minutes, right, like, make a start. Make sure that your room is somewhere that makes you happy.

Speaker 1: 1:10:25

See if you're going into your room at night to go to sleep and you have got washing piled up sky high. You've got stuff just kicking about in the corner. You've got god knows what else. We can all be messy at times, right, myself really included, and you're expected to go in and be relaxed. Right, I say messy house, messy mind. Right, see if it's tidy. You've got a tidy mind. Make sure that that space is comfortable. Have a wee routine, whether it be a short wee, like guided meditation. You listen to a wee book that you try and read to slowly start to bring yourself to a state of relaxation and calm where your stress is starting to reduce. People that say oh, I just can't sleep at night, or I wake up in the morning and I'm knackered. You're like that computer with 10 tabs open expecting to just be able to switch off and that's not good, it's not how it works.

Speaker 2: 1:11:20

Also just breathe as well. See, when you go to your bed, just let yourself breathe. You know that sounds crazy like it can be. See what you had mentioned there about like your guided meditations and all that kind of stuff. One and a half to two minutes a box breathing it just settles your nervous system like it does so. Like if you don't think that you've got time, you've got two minutes. You've definitely got two minutes for sure time for an extra episode.

Speaker 1: 1:11:43

Nine things at a time. You demo of two minutes.

Speaker 2: 1:11:45

So that brings us to the end of this episode on body confidence, and we really hope that hearing our stories around the things that you're confident in and the areas that you guys could probably work on some things that you could pick out of what we spoke about today that you could do and take action on that would help you become more confident in yourself, because it's not about the external, it's about the internal and every single one of us has got the absolute power within ourselves to be confident in all those areas.

Speaker 1: 1:12:18

Make sure that you don't listen to this today and say I'm going to do that because it's just going to be another thing if you don't action, it's going to strip your confidence. So I'll leave a list of 10 things that you're going to take from today. Pick one that you can make sure you can do every day for the next 30 days minimum, and you'll be guaranteed to see a direct reward out of that.

Speaker 2: 1:12:41

Yeah, do you know what I would love, after this episode, on whatever platforms that you're listening to, comment below on the one thing that you are going to do. Also comment below in any dating sites. But no, honestly, like, please, comment below. Let us hold you accountable to this and then let us know what things are happening.

Speaker 1: 1:13:01

I really, really mean that I'm going to start every episode with the date and life update we should.

Speaker 2: 1:13:07

I think that would be good. Also, tell me if you want that. No, but to be fair, this leads very nicely on to something super, super exciting that we have been working in the background for for a couple of months now, haven't we? Definitely? So we have got our first in-person event coming up.

Speaker 2: 1:13:27

It's called she creates and it is coming on the 28th of september, and our vision for she creates is we want to help empower you to change your life. We want to make sure that every woman has the tools in her toolkit to become the best person, the best version of herself possible, and with she creates, we are going to hold your hand and we are going to take you through that whole process. We're going to teach you how. We're going to teach you how to manifest, how to believe in the law of attraction, how to create the life that you always wanted, and we have got 40 spaces. Yeah, I've been for that. Now, by the time that you listen to this, the tickets will have already been on sale, so if you've missed out, let us know and we can put you on the wait list for the next ones, but we are absolutely buzzing about this one honestly like I can't wait for everyone to experience it, see, to be able to ignite that power within for a female and give them the tools that they need to go.

Speaker 1: 1:14:38

Do you know what? I'm in the driving seat here and this is where we're going. Let's do this. It's going to be huge and I think, imagine right just having all the tools you ever needed for no matter where life takes you, when you're stuck in that rut, when you're feeling like you're on the wrong path, just to be able to go. I need to reset this.

Speaker 2: 1:14:59

Yeah, this is what I'm going to do there you go, and that's what we've created with chic. Yes, so we, as I said, myself and Nats are going to present this. It's an incredible program. If you want to be one of the trailblazers on this program, one of the first to come on board with it, to have me and Nats coach you through the whole entire process, then this is something that we would absolutely love for you to join us on. So keep an eye on your social media, reach out to us if it's something that you would love a place for.

Speaker 2: 1:15:30

On sorry, and, as I said, it's going to be on the 28th, which is a sunday, 28th of september, 10 o'clock to five o'clock, yeah, and the pot and shed brunch is involved, and they'll make sure that you have the most incredible time. So we just want yeah, definitely. So we just want to say thank you so much for listening. Please make sure you hit the subscribe buttons on all of our channels and please share with all of the women in your life, because we want to see this sisterhood circle go global. Thank you, see you later, guys. Bye.