From Dreams to Reality and Regrets to Success - Part 1

Nate records a short, raw episode of Left Unplugged after feeling “off,” reflecting on what to do when barely hanging on and how his perfectionism and unmet aspirations fuel frustration, especially when alone at night and overthinking others’ intentions. He describes being 45, single, and conflicted about dating, yet learning to be himself and finding relief through laughter and connection, including a recent podcast with Tyler Lovell. He shares concern for people struggling with loneliness and suicide, emphasizing the need for someone to listen rather than fix problems. After 24 years in mental health, he questions staying a therapist, noting burnout, boundaries, and his podcast as both outreach and personal therapy. He discusses fears about providing, regrets as a father, the pain of children moving out, and a moment when his youngest said, “All I need is your love.”

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

No, that's totally fine. No, uh honestly, so we're part of a series that that we're doing for this podcast, it's going all the way. And you know, I I've I've I would even say both of us have have made some pretty big changes in the last year on for sure, you know, focusing on ourselves, what we want, and the kind of person slash therapist that we want to be. You know, and the being able to start something or you know, or or involve ourselves in something from start to finish, that's been one of my biggest weaknesses throughout my life that I you know that that I've seen. No, and like I was go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

I would agree. Yeah, I I I thank you for I I would agree in this sense. I would agree in this sense of like like and we've had this, I feel like we've had this conversation before. You have a lot of big dreams, you've got a lot of big ideas, and and it, and then it's kind of you you kind of like the next big idea blocks you from really continuing with the last, the last one, and it's always like creating so much, there's so many ideas, there's less opportunity to really hit this one.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Yeah, you know, in in addition to that, you know, white like with this equine therapy thing, yeah. The the opportunity was right there in front of me to just jump in and get it done. And then I wanted to involve somebody else, and what happened? Here we are, six, seven months later, or a year later, and nothing's happened. Well, there have been some things.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

But it's still like it's up in the air.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

There's nothing tangible. You know, on my end, there's nothing tangible for that.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

You know, and like I was telling you earlier, you know, there there are some instances to where it bothers me. That's better. Not straightened up. Um, the it's uh a lot of that that faith, that faith in in that I'm going to see something in the end, you know, the fruits of my labors.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Yeah. Well, that's the scary part.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Like, what if I think I think we all drown in the the what ifs. Like, like, I think this is a great idea, I think it's gonna be wholly successful, but what if this doesn't land the way I hope it will? And that's that's why that's you know, I think that's always the biggest obstacle, fear of failure. And that's true for myself as well. Like, I don't really take really quickly to people, you know, going, hey, what do you think? We could do this, and like, yeah, let me know when you get there because I'm like, I can't, I don't have that commitment right now to build, you know, people always ask me like about going private practice or something. I'm always like, I don't have the commitment right now to really devoting myself to to going, like, I'm ready, I'm I'm ready to ride or die with this idea. Like, that's because I'm not in that position. Like, I just don't feel like I'm in a position to ride or die with something. Like, I I did, like, I fully invest the places that I'm at. It's usually supporting other people's vision that I align with, and that's cool. And I like I like being that person, I'm not an idea driver, though. But this is what this is what I've been told, and this is what you know Christina has said is I'm a builder. So like people have ideas, like people have the vision. Yeah, I tend to be the person that builds the vision. So like it may not be my idea, but I can definitely help build the idea and help make it great, right? But I I just don't have those ideas for myself. Like I need, I kind of like I need a visionary, and then I I can drive a vision.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Have you heard of Jim Collins' book? Uh I think that's his name, um, Good to Great.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

That sounds familiar.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

That's you know, there's a principle in there of getting everyone on the in the right seat on the bus is where going. You know, I I can see you being kind of the conductor and the map follower.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

If that yeah, maybe I can see that.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yeah, because I'll work if I know what the goal is, I'll I'll I can work towards it. Like I and I invest crazy amounts of time into the vision.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Right. Well, and it's gotta be a vision that that we believe in, or that you believe in.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

And and I I think the the the hard part, you know, the the the the dreams come. They come and then the the question enters my enters the mind, has the time passed for it? You know, is it that opportunity passed to where it's not doable anymore? Maybe, maybe not. The only way that we find out is if we actually follow through with it. You know, I I I keep having this this stuff come up in my feed of nine words that some doctor came up with and this that worked with multi-billionaires on Billionaire Island, whichever that is. I've I've never heard of it until the other night.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

That brings me back to all the things we keep sending back and forth in memes from So I Married an Act Matter. Everybody knows that there's the uppers of the uppers called the Pentaverite. Who's a part of it? Oh my gosh. That's exactly when you said billionaire island, that's exactly what I thought of. The Queen, the Gettys, and Carnel Sanders.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Yeah. Well, and and something that I've been trying out to kind of reprogram in this in this video that I was listening to, it said that there's a program with alpha waves. No, the beta waves allegedly are the blockers of our brain that you know that bring us down. Oh, and the alphas are the opposite of that. Or they do the opposite of that. Okay. So the nine words are money is good, money is safe, we deserve money. Do I do I necessarily like that? Yes and no. I change it for myself, is blessings are good, blessings are safe, we deserve blessings.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah, I like that. I like that more because I'm sorry. I, you know, I subscribe to the way Biggie looked at things. More money, more problems.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Yeah. The like well, money doesn't solve everything, it can create more problems than than not.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

You know, and and the the this kind of goes with what we were talking about earlier, off camera. Um, you know, in many businesses, the focus on people is lost and it becomes the money piece.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

And what I found is when that piece is lost, you know, focusing on the people, that's when things start to fall apart more.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Yeah. When you when uh yeah, I I feel that way too. Because when you treat people like they're disposable, yeah, you're you ultimately lose the quality of the business because you lose quality people because they don't they don't feel appreciated or they don't, you know, they don't feel valued. And it is yeah, no, I agree, I agree with that. Like I think that's what happens a lot. It was like a you know, like the other thing I was talking about, like when we can do things, when we do something that's fun and it helps us sustain, yeah, right, and it and it becomes that thing to where we're like it contributes to sustaining, but we do it because it's fun. Yeah. Like, like it's so it's such a better product and usually a more successful thing. And then when it when it shifts to this is how I sustain, it stops being fun and it slows down. Yeah. And it's not the same product.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

I mean, even you know, that that's one thing that I I I fell in love with in doing what we do, you know, as therapists, is we get to have fun with our clients. We get to have fun with our coworkers. It's when it becomes all about paperwork. No, obviously the paperwork is extremely important. We don't get paid if it's not done.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

If if if that's if it's just focusing on, we'll say the letter of the law versus the spirit, even, then I lose the I I don't, I I can't buy into it. And I think that's one thing that 3. Well, one of many things. In fact, I have I still have people reach out to me, you know, not so much as parents, but you know, other professionals saying, Yes, I've heard about you here, here, and here, Nate, and you did good work, and so we want you to do this, this, and this. You know, and and and and I know it's not just with myself, it's across the industry, you know, not just the industry that we work in. It's it well, it's what we were talking about earlier, you know, the the reputation that we set up for as a whole, and even that last um impression.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Yeah. Well, and that like, yeah, it just takes me back to what I, you know, what I was trying to tell my son, you know, like like people's last impression of you are usually the lasting one. Yeah, it's how you end oftentimes it's the way you end a relationship that dictates whether that was you know, that relationship was good or not.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Well, and and it even goes back to I I think a lot of what we've talked about in the past. The the relationships that we develop often can and will determine, you know, whether our dreams are followed through on. Holy crap, I just learned something.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Well, yeah, because that's the relationships you build, those those are the those are the network that give you the confidence to either build your dream or change the dream. That's part two of the story of life with JTEC.