Love Better & Life Better
Love Better is a safe and loving space where we talk about the real, raw parts of relationships. I’m Shazmeen, and in this podcast, I’ll be sharing my own story and the lessons I’ve learned about attachment styles, relationship healing, and self love. We’ll talk about how attachment styles shape the way we connect, the struggles of addiction your fearful or dismissive avoidant partner may have to pornography or other levels they numb feeling away, what happens when intimacy fades in sexless relationships, and how losing touch with our inner child can impact how we love. You will walk away with lessons and tools to improve your current relationships, walk away from ones that no longer serve you and learn how to build new relationships from a place of secure foundations. We will break down anxious attachment, secure attachment, fearful avoidant attachment and dismissive attachment and the deep role our attachment styles play in the way we intimately relate to others and ourselves. The key will be to grow to be more securely attached. But most importantly, I’ll be here offering support, kindness, and compassion as we explore how to heal these wounds. My hope is that through these conversations, you’ll feel seen, heard, and empowered to rebuild the love and connection you deserve—starting with yourself. I wanted to create a podcast that felt like you are talking and listening to a friend. One that cares deeply for your ability to love better. We will dive deep into how our attachment styles hold a foundation for a lot of the decisions we make. You will gain an insight into your "why's" and learn from a place of no judgement. You will learn how to communicate better, resolve challenges and handle conflict from a new perspective. I hope you enjoy listening to this podcast whilst on a walk, jog, in the tub or taking yourself on a date. Lets get vulnerable together and as we heal remember we can love better. NO more blaming, critiquing and shaming yourself and your partner.
Life better is a segment that drops every Thursday and will teach you self mastery, mastering emotions and how to take responsibility of your life. I will give you tools you can use weekly to grow into the version of "self" you are born to be.
Love Better & Life Better
“Hypnosis to Rebuild Confidence and Silence Fear”
Self Confidence! I thought so hard about this episode and I did not want to just add to the millions of videos and podcasts already teaching the amazing ways to grow your self confidence. I researched this topic long and hard and then I decided to dump all 7 ways to grow your self confidence and take you through a hypnosis. I wanted you to get to know fear and anxiety within you, and get to know the part of you that is self confidence!
This episode is all about teaching your body how to embody true self confidence by allowing fear, anxiety and self confidence to reside peacefully and trust each others purpose. This is not a motivational talk. It’s not a quick fix.
It’s a deeply soothing, science informed practice that speaks directly to your subconscious helping you rewire limiting beliefs, release emotional tension, and reclaim the quiet strength that’s always been yours.
If you’ve ever:
- Shrunk yourself in relationships
- Overthought every decision
- Or questioned your worth when things got hard
Then this episode is for you.
You’ll be guided gently through the places where fear hides and confidence feels out of reach and you’ll leave with a grounded sense of power that lives in your body, not just your thoughts.
🎧 Find a quiet place. Lie down. Let go. And allow this hypnosis to bring you home to yourself.
I would love to hear from you. Tell me what topics on life you want me to tackle and find me on my social media:
Instagram: @shazmeenbank
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Website: www.shazmeenbank.com
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Please subscribe and help me reach more people that need guidance in their relationships.
Shazmeen Bank (00:00)
Welcome back to another episode of Life Better. And this is your host Shazam Bank and you know you can bank on me. And now I couldn't be more excited to be discussing self-confidence, literally a topic that when I asked my son this week to review my podcast episodes so that I could just feel I had external validation that I was doing well and I was on the right track.
He turned around to me and he says, Mom, I think you need to do a topic on self-confidence. And in the moment I was like, ⁓ my God, I cannot believe how synced we are because I was about to do a topic on self-confidence this Thursday. And he goes to me, when you're done with it, make sure you listen to it on Friday. And so if you're watching, you can see my smug grin. And if you're listening, then I hope you can sort of hear.
the laughter in my voice, but I thought that it was really important to embody self-confidence. And what I wanted to do with this particular episode was to actually take you through a very realistic hypnosis that would get you to integrate self-confidence into your body. Because here's the truth.
There is enough out there on the internet right now, if you were to type in the word self-confidence. They are enough podcasts, they're enough YouTube videos, they're top people in their professions talking to you about how you could be more self-confident. And so while I literally thought about this topic for the last week and I said, how can I deliver a topic like self-confidence to you?
And not have you sit there and listen to the three things you could do to feel self-confident, the seven key stages to self-confidence. That's all out there. You want to find that? That's on the internet. But I said, in order for you to walk away from this episode, I want you to take the part of you that comes with building self-confidence. And that's fear. And that's anxiety. And.
Those two parts of you, self-confidence and fear and anxiety, they're in conflict with each other. And a lot of the times, anxiety and fear, they win. They're the stronger muscle. Self-confidence is the muscle that is weaker in you, even though you do not recognize the fact that you practice self-confidence on a daily basis.
If you're showing up in school and people are bullying you or have told you you're not worthy and you still show up in school and you still do your thing, even though your self-esteem and self-worth might not sort of match the confidence it takes to still be in that environment, you're doing it. If you're in a role in your business where you have to show up and portray strength,
and you embody it and in those moments you have to speak and lead a team or even go ask for a raise or find the confidence to talk to the people in your environment socially. You're showing up every single day being confident. Now I know that in order to be confident, in order to be self-confident, we've got to have different aspects of ourselves that show up and the most important one that goes with that is building our self-esteem.
And while working on confidence is a skill and it's a skill you grow on and it's a skill you get better at all the time. And the more you stack the skills of confidence, the better you fail, the better you rise, the better you practice it, honor it and embody it. You got to be able to pause and think for a second. When you have to be confident.
There's certain things that have to go in place with that. One of them is you've got to be able to be in a brilliant state. You've got to be able to change your physiology because confident people, they don't cower. Their body language is not small. Their head's not down when they're trying to be confident. They're upright. They stand well. They put their hands on
their hips, if they're doing the Superman pose and building up the testosterone in the body to get stronger. And literally, if you're in wherever you are listening to this podcast right now, I want you to actually take a second and literally put your hands on your hips and stand straight, put your shoulders back, lift your chin up a little bit more, open your chest up and spread your legs. If you're standing, I'm sitting and
I want you to just sort of close your eyes and take a breath in while you're in this stance. It's known as the Superman pose. And in this stance, in this state with your physiology, feeling strong and you're breathing in this posture, how do you feel? What's possible for you when you're in this state? What's possible for you when you're
physiologies this open, feeling this strong. What happens to winners that athletes when they win? What happens to them when they win? They throw their hands up, spread their hands, lift their head up. Their body is elated. Their body represents confidence. It's open. It's powerful. It's free. And so I realized
I could sit here and give you seven things to think about to build your self-confidence and then you could walk away when something hits your confidence down midweek and be like that didn't really work. Or I thought, damn it, we're doing a hypnosis. We're going to embody the part of ourselves that is in our body that needs to feel confident about something. And we're going to embody the part of us that comes with that confidence, which is fear and anxiety.
And we're going to let them meet. We're going to let them be friends. We're going to let them shake hands. And we're going to thank anxiety because it tingles the body and lets you know you're alive. And that's how we're going to reframe anxiety because anxiety, before you do anything to be confident, is telling you, breathe. I need you to breathe.
It's not telling you to run away. And what comes with anxiety, fear. And I thought about something today. I actually wrote this down. I has an acronym of false evidence appearing real. I sat and I said, what if fear was fail at everything and rise? Because that's what confidence is. You cannot be confident if...
You don't have the confidence to fail. You cannot be confident if you know you're not going to get knocked down by life and you know you have to get up again. One of my favorite quotes, one of my favorite motivational quotes is, life is going to knock you down. And when life knocks you down, I say land on your back.
Because when you look up, you can get up. And I think that was Les Brown in one of those crazy YouTube videos when you're looking for motivation to get the confidence to go out and do something. But the reason I wanted to take you into a place to embody this confidence, a small story I have for you is my son lost 25 kilos, worked his butt off to get into the physique he has today and works every single day to
maintain the physique to work that physique and it takes confidence to get into the gym and take off your shirt and take the photos when they are people that look like the person you have as a poster in your mind. I mean, no one knows the challenge of working on your body, the discipline it takes to be able to show up in a gym every single day and be
the embodiment of the confidence to work out where everyone else, even the biggest person still feeling a lack of confidence about the little fat here and the fact that they couldn't lift heavier than the other guy. it's, it's a whole working out, I feel is the best place to build your confidence. The gym lifting iron, strength training is probably the best place you will find yourself.
You will see fear, you will face anxiety, and you will show up with the confidence every day to progressively overload and get better. Now, my son hated running. And as his body changed, as he lost these 25 kilos, he still had a reference in his mind that he was the chubby kid that couldn't run. And he had this cross country coming up. And this is...
literally like three and half, four years ago. And he came to me and he says, mom, I got cross country. And this year, I want to have the confidence to show up. I want to have the confidence to not only run that cross country, mom, I want to do really well. But there's a part of me that still resonates with the kid that's carrying 25 kilos. And I don't want for you to write me a note and say that I'm not feeling well.
How do I embody the runner inside of me? How do I show up to this cross country and not only finish it, not only kick ass, but feel really proud about myself? And I said, well, my dear son, we are going to do hypnosis tonight. And what I did is I got him to start his hypnosis off by running 500 meters.
And I had him move into his body, move into a state, which I'm going to take you through and run those 500 meters first. Feel his body, feel his legs. What was he wearing? Was his hat on? Did he have a water bottle? You know, is he in a forest? Is he running on the beach? Really sort of pull in that feeling. And when he was almost hitting the 500 mark.
I told him, we're going to run for five kilometers. And before your body panics in the hypnosis, I want you to pick someone you absolutely adore and love that can do this run with you. But we're going to tackle this run one kilometer at a time. And so my son pulled in Lewis Hamilton. And long story short, we completed this hypnosis in his mind where he
created this repetition in his body of being able to run and feel like a runner and talk to his mentor while he was running. And I had his body release stress and anxiety and fear that he couldn't do it by having him repeat five kilometers and being able to run with someone he enjoyed. So he now had a positive
affiliation to running as opposed to whatever story his mind had created. And I really wish I could have recorded that hypnosis because I think by the three kilometer mark, he had this crazy smile on his face. And he was done with the hypnosis. He went to bed. He finished the cross country the next day, I think third or fourth. Nobody could believe it.
His PE teacher gave him the biggest high five. Not only that, he never stopped running from that day. And he would take on five kilometers in a go. If he ran on a treadmill, suddenly it was imprinted in his mind to enjoy five kilometers. If he goes and hikes on a mountain, he will run wherever he is. If he's in LA and he's in Culver City, he will run all the way downtown.
to get to the gym, sweaty, exhausted, tired, pumped up, ready for his workout. But he shifted something in his body, which raised his self-esteem when he went out the next day and ran. And with the repetition of consistently running, he built the muscle of self-confidence that he is a runner. And that's exactly the blueprint you
implement with whatever it is you need to go out and achieve. Because there's a voice of people that told you you are not worthy. There's a voice that we all have of we're not good enough. And the only way to rise above that is when we start to do things every single day that are easy and hard and we can start to feel proud of. Now.
I want you to literally be able to embody and feel confidence inside of your body. But to do that, we need to find where confidence is in your body. We need to have a chat with your self-confidence and we need to bring it out and ask it what it needs more of you. So with that, I want you to close your eyes.
and I want you to take a really deep breath.
And as you take a deep breath in.
and release that breath out.
I want you to see a golden light coming from the top of your head. And I want this golden light to shower your body with relaxation. I want you to feel this golden light going down your face and your neck, down your shoulders and your arms, relaxing you as you go down deeper, moving down your stomach and your back, letting you
sink into wherever you are, allowing your body to feel so heavy and relaxed and allow that light to move down your legs, whirl around your knees all the way down to the tips of your toes. And I want your body to sink in to the relaxation of how heavy and comfortable it feels.
And I want you to scan your body. And I want you to look in your body.
for this little confidence person.
I want you to think about where in your body confidence lives instinctively. Is it in your gut? Is it in your knees? Is it in your head? Could confidence be hiding behind your back? And as you're breathing, maybe confidence is sort of peeking out in your body, a little scared. I want you to...
Pull confidence to come to the front and meet you in your chest.
And I want you to give confidence a shape. Instinctively, the first shape that comes to mind. And then I want you to give confidence a color. And then I want you to give confidence a texture. I want you to just think about how does it feel?
Is it a star? it feel rough? Is it soft, smooth, silky? And then I want you to give confidence a name. Who do you want to call this part of you?
And if this part of you could make a sound, what would the sound of this part of your confidence be called? Make the sound. Make the sound loud.
of the part of your confidence.
And then I want you to ask confidence. What does it have to say to you?
I want you to thank confidence for never giving up on you. I want you to thank this part of yourself that you have given a name to for always showing up and having faith in you.
And I want you to ask confidence to give you advice on this one thing you really want to achieve and do, but you felt you lacked the self-confidence to do. What does this part of you have to say to yourself?
What advice does it give you? And I want you to take a deep breath in.
And then somewhere in your beautiful body, there's a bit of a shadow. And this shadow is anxiety and fear. And I want you to give it permission to come and stand right next to self-confidence in your chest. And I want you to give it a color that feels
resembles a welcoming? What shape is anxiety and fear?
What texture is anxiety and fear?
And if anxiety and fear were to make a sound, what sound would it make right now? Make the sound really loud. Make the sound. Maybe this is a good time to work on your self-confidence and not care who hears. Make the sound of the fear and anxiety. And then I want you to ask fear anxiety. Does it have anything it has to say to you?
And then I want you to invite fear and anxiety and your self-confidence to campfire.
and this campfire could be in the woods, it could be on a beach. And I want you to picture these logs, these stumps all around this fireplace. And I want you to see yourself physically sitting there, and I want you to put fear and anxiety on one of these tree stumps, and I want you to put self-confidence on the other side.
And then I want you to ask fear and anxiety, what advice does it have for self-confidence? What does fear and anxiety really have to say to self-confidence? That part of you.
And then I want the part of you that's self-confident to respond to fear and anxiety. What does that part of you really have to say to fear and anxiety?
What does that part of you have to say to fear and anxiety?
And then as you're sitting there, I want you to call self-confidence into one palm and I want you to call fear and anxiety into the other palm.
And as you're sitting there, I want self-confidence to ask fear and anxiety.
How can we come together to make sure that our host, which is you, can grow while all parts of us can be united and one and together?
How do we work together to make sure that our host can win in life?
And what does self-confidence have to say to fear and anxiety? And what does fear and anxiety have to say to self-confidence?
And then I want you to ask them if they're comfortable to become friends.
I want you to let them know that you need all these parts of yourself to build whatever it is you need to build in life and achieve whatever it is. And you don't want to shame fear and anxiety anymore. You want to welcome them.
and you want to be in control of them and you want to listen to the voice that they have and the wisdom that they come with.
And I want your palms to come together. Bring your palms together.
and then I want you to take the palms at it together and I want you to put them into your heart.
And I want you to know that when you bring anxiety, fear, and self-confidence together, you get bravery.
And that bravery allows you to carry whatever it is you need to carry out.
And then I want you to remember that there's always going to be a version of you that will doubt if you're enough. And it's not because you're weak, but it's only because the world taught you to question yourself before you even had a chance to believe in you. I want you to know that confidence is a muscle.
And before, life had ever made you carry shame, life had ever made you carry criticism or rejection instead of safety and validation, your confidence just didn't get the reps that it needed to grow. But it now has this chance.
And now that these parts of you are in your body together, I want you to think about what is that one thing you have felt you really needed the confidence to be able to do. In this moment, I want you to picture, did you need confidence to go speak to your boss about that raise? Did you need confidence to actually get into the gym and you've just felt...
too scared or like you did not belong in that environment? Did you need self-confidence to approach the guy or the girl? Did you need self-confidence to propose? Did you need self-confidence to quit the job and start this entrepreneurial life? Did you need self-confidence to speak to a parent?
What is it that you've needed to do? And with your eyes still closed, I want you to make sure that your body has your chest open. I want you to lift your head up, have your chin slightly up, and I want you to put a smile on your face. And I want you to practice in your mind doing the thing that you've wanted to do.
I want you to tell me in your body, what does it feel like when you do that thing that you've wanted to do? I want you to see yourself doing it with confidence. I want you to see yourself doing it, acknowledging the fear it takes to do it.
And I want you to practice bringing the emotion into your body and what it feels like to achieve doing it. What does it feel like when you ask your boss for that raise and whether they say yes or no, you did it. What does it feel like to ask your boss for that raise to sit across them?
and talk about the worth you've brought into that company and know that what you deliver in your work is so powerful, you are deserving of that raise. And what does it feel like in your body to feel that excitement, to feel that moment, the rush? I want you to hold on to that emotion. ⁓
of whatever it is you have needed the confidence to do. And I want you to start practicing the new emotion of seeing it done. What does that feel like? What emotion, what gratitude, what joy, what happiness are you jumping?
Are you going out there to have drinks with your friends, to buy that cake? Are you hugging someone? Are you getting on the phone to tell the person that what you always wanted to do, you've done? Are you seeing yourself in the gym feeling so strong, so confident? And if you're a guy taking that shirt off, looking into the mirror,
with tears in your eyes feeling so proud about how far you've come. And if you're a woman feeling like you're in the gym, running, lifting those weights, feeling strong in your body.
And I want you to thank fear. I want you to thank it for being so present, for keeping you alive. And I want you to thank anxiety for being the person that reminds you to breathe and shows you that you're alive. And I want you to tell fear that I love that you're in my life. Because with you and with my self confidence,
Together we embody if we fail, we feel the excitement of hearing a no, we feel the excitement of failure, and we know we rise, we get up, and we redo, and we re-envision what it feels like to have self-confidence in the body.
You're either trying to get into university. What does it feel like when you get that acceptance? What does it feel like when you get your grades back? The most important part of self-confidence is embodying that feeling. When you achieve what you want to achieve, you stack positive, grateful moments.
that send out a vibration out into the world. And that vibration comes back. And like Joe Dispenza says, to create a new personal reality, we got to create a new personality.
So your new personality.
is somebody that walks a certain way. How do you walk? How do you sit? What's the name you give this person that has unbelievable self-confidence? What's the name? What do you call this person? How do they wake up in the morning? How do they tackle issues? How do they respond to challenges? How do they face fear? How do they face their anxiety? How do they show up to failure? Put a name.
to this person.
Man, I want you to breathe like this person.
And then I want you to picture yourself doing that other thing you've always wanted to do. And this time I want you to play that so quick and so fast, because now your body knows what self-confidence is. Now your body has a name to that person.
And you breathe like that person, you move like that person, you achieve like that person, you get that thing done.
with your eyes closed, I want you to remember something.
confidence is always going to be built in the micro moments. It's in how you speak to yourself when you mess up. It's in keeping small promises to yourself and it's in choosing to try again and again. You are now one with that inner critic, that inner critic that just wants perfection from you.
And I want you to tell that in a critic that you don't need to be so critical of me anymore. I'm embodying the part of myself that you are trying to bring out, but I don't need it with that voice. I need it with the voice that allows me to feel this energy at the end of achieving what it is that I want to achieve. And with that, I want you to take a
Deep breath in and I want you to just feel your body slowly coming back to the present moment. And as I count down from 10 to 1, you will start to be more present. 10, 9, 8, coming back into your body, feeling the heaviness being lifted. 7, 6,
Five, feeling more connected to your body in the present moment. Five, four, three, move your body slightly. Two, one, coming back into the present moment.
And while you're in this state, I want you to journal. I want you to journal what it felt like to live life on your terms when fear, anxiety, and self-confidence came together. I want you to journal what was the wisdom each part had to give.
I want you to journal how it felt and I want you to remind your body every single day what that feeling feels like. I want you to rehearse it because when you rehearse self-confidence in the body, the mind doesn't know that the event you're trying to achieve did not happen. It thinks that it happened.
And so you're out there just recreating and re-showing up to that moment, pulling it more and more into who you are. Because self-confidence is a feeling.
And that feeling is something that resides inside of you. Self-confidence is a part of you. And when you get to know these different parts of yourself and you make room for them to hear their wisdom, you're no longer shunning out.
different parts of yourself. You're learning to live with all the different voices inside of you, but you're creating room for them to speak because they all have wisdom. Fear has wisdom, anxiety has wisdom. So does confidence.
Confidence is the warrior inside of you. Anxiety is on the other side that's always trying to keep you safe. And when you teach, talk, and nurture fear and anxiety, it doesn't have to fight to have a louder voice than the warrior inside of you that wants to achieve.
and wants to do the things that you deserve to be able to achieve and do in your life. So remember, we're changing fear from false evidence appearing real to fail at everything each day and then rise. Now, I want to close this with a few tangible steps that you can do. I want you
to start to practice the small wins in life and start to notice them. So at night, I want you to write three things you did that required courage, effort, and integrity today. Three things. And then I want you to reevaluate and constantly have checkups with yourself. I want you to ask yourself every single day, what do I think before I need any external approval?
What do I think? What do I feel? What do I need in this moment?
And then a self-validation ritual, which is after a hard moment, I want you to be able to say, was hard and I did it. And I'm proud of me. Tap yourself on the back. Tap yourself. Because self-confidence is built with moments of uncertainty and queasiness in the stomach and teaching it that there's a new feeling.
that it can feel. And the better you get at practicing it, the better you get at failing, the better you get at voicing, the more your self-esteem rises. And when your self-esteem rises, your self-respect rises. And then we remember self-confidence is related to self-esteem.
And the more we get better at doing the things we want to do, the more we build our self-esteem and the more we build our self-esteem, the more we start to trust our voice, not the voice that's governed by somebody out there telling us we're not worth it and we cannot achieve and do the things we want to.
So with that, I would love for you to be able to embody this hypnosis, this practice, this meditation. Come back to this video as many times as you need. The most important key is you are trying to train, you are training your body into a feeling.
And you are no longer letting the mind rule and tell you who to be, what you can be and how to be it. Your body is the new mind. And that feeling is something I want you to hold onto. That feeling of having that accomplished and pulling it into your body with as many repetitions in your meditative state as you can do.
So if tomorrow you have something you need to do, prior to doing it, I want you to close your eyes and literally take four minutes out. Pull out the part of you that's fearful and anxiety. Have a chat. Tell it I got you. Pull out the part of you that needs the confidence to go do what you need to do.
And then I want you to practice doing that before you actually go and do whatever it is that you need to do. Rehearse it in the body, feel it in the body. And then when you go out there, the body's already done it. You're building muscle by training yourself how to emotionally feel every single day. And then after you watch this video, you can go and watch
the thousands of other videos that tell you the seven ways to be self-confident. But I'm telling you one thing with so much confidence. You'll learn to master your emotions in your body. You learn to train them to win. You learn to train them to pull an emotion, a memory from out there in the quantum field into your body now.
With a lot of practice, you get comfortable at failing and you get comfortable at achieving. So I hope whatever it is you need to work on, whatever it is you needed to do that required self-confidence, you now know how to be able to do it because you've practiced it in your body. And let's see what it creates in the world out there. And remember, self-confidence...
is the ability to fail numerous times, but you know you can rise. And nobody rises higher and better than you do because you're never starting from the same point. You're now starting from even more experience. So your self-confidence is only growing even more. Thank you so much for joining me on this life better episode.
I would love to hear from you. I would love to know what you're going through in your life that you feel there's some topics that can help you. And I would be more than happy to read some of your questions and literally do a coaching for you.
on this channel. And remember, we drop this episode every Thursday and we drop an episode of Love Better every single Monday. And if you missed it, the episode that dropped on Monday was all about embodying anxious attachment, how we can lose ourselves in love, how to find ourselves but with a lot of empathy and care to how beautiful as an anxious person you can be. So make sure you check out that episode and
Please share these episodes with anyone you feel could use them. Remember, I am your host Jasmine Bank and you can bank on me.
