Ep. 25 - What We’ve Learned About Life After One Year

Kathy and Richard celebrate one year of the podcast by looking back on the lessons that have stayed with them, not just over the past year, but over a lifetime. What starts as an anniversary conversation turns into a real, funny, and thoughtful exchange about aging, fear, self worth, boundaries, bullying, gratitude, and the wisdom that comes from lived experience.

They talk about everything from not caring so much about what people think, to protecting your energy, learning when to say no, and why some relationships are better loved from a distance. Along the way, they reflect on family sayings, hard seasons, childhood wounds, and the small truths that help you keep going. It feels like sitting in on a conversation about life, resilience, and the things you only really understand after you’ve been through some stuff.

Contact Kathy:
Instagram: @thekathywint
TikTok: @the.kathy.wint

Contact Richard:
Instagram: @dmellothe1
TikTok: @melltheirish
Website: www.blacktriadentertainment.com

Podcast Instagram:
@prettylikklejacket

Website:
www.prettylikklejacket.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Hello everyone and welcome to this episode of Pretty Lick Jacket. Richard, stop it. I didn't say no. You are dying with laugh before we even get started. Um, this is our one-year anniversary episode. We have been doing this for a whole year, y'all. What a difference a day makes. A year. What a difference a year makes. Oh my goodness. We don't want to. I can't believe that we actually are here. Like it's a year.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Because this was something that you talked about for a few years before we got. Don't make it sound like that. Jeez, come on. No, I'm just stating, but it it came to fruition. It did. You know, you manifest it.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

I did manifest this.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

So and here we are yearly. You can pat me on the back. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not push me. Oh my god. So welcome, y'all. This episode, we're going to be talking about what we've learned over the years, not just in the past year. So last year we did this podcast, and it was launched for my 50th birthday. And one of the things that I have done over the past, well, not 50 years, probably the past couple years, is that I have a section on my notes that I write things down that I've learned over the years. And I want to call it 50 for 50. Because I'm about to be 51. Can't you believe I'm 50? I can't even believe I'm 51 already. Like it doesn't even make sense. That's pretty nifty for 50. Oh, I like that. Whatever. I have my moment. Uh-huh. Nifty for 50. So, yeah. Some of the things that we've learned. Well, I've learned for the past 50 years. And of course, you can chime in. I have a whole list. It's like nearly 200 things on the list. You know I have a list, Richard. How do I function without a list?

SPEAKER_00 2:19

No comment. I want you to comment. Uh-uh. I'm gonna be thrifty for 50. So, okay, let's let's see. What's on the list?

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Of course, the first thing that's on my list, which I think I talked about the last episode, is life is much more than you, which is something it is actually my life's motto. Um, so my mom used to say that all the time. Remember, I told the story about the shoes and stuff. So my mom used to say that all the time, and it's something that I live by today. So that's that's literally the first thing on this list. And the list has, see, I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. 209 things on this list that I've learned over these past years. Dear Lord. Woo! How many? 209. Should we like throw a dart and pick from you know, abstract? I can go to the second one, which I I I try as much as possible to live by, especially lately. I find that the older I that I get, I just don't care anymore. It says, what people think of me is not my business.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Oh, I've been stopped caring about that.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Yeah, I used to a lot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

You know, I think that's an I think that's innate in most of us. You know, we want to be accepted, we want to fit in, we want to um, for some, meet others' approval, but you will wear yourself ragged. Yeah. Doing that.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

My basket of F's is quite empty. Oh Lord. So I don't have any to give. I'm sorry. So I gosh. You had a basket? I did. Wow. I did. It's it's empty.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Over the years, it's been emptied out. So I I'm like most people, I was searching for them.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

I had a whole basket, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

When you, when you, you know, when you bullied, you know, you can't find any, you know, because if they don't care, why should I? So the insults, the, you know, the the jokes, yeah. Um, how I didn't care. Um, and then you get to a point where you gotta repertoire your own jokes. Oh Lord Richard.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Yeah, you got you think you got jokes. You swear you're funny.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Oh, I got jokes.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

You I s you swear you're funny, but anyway.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Let's go to another one. I want to I want to see 10. What 10? 10. What does 10 say?

SPEAKER_02 4:58

Life is good no matter how hard it seems. I like that. I wrote that down. I remember what was happening when I wrote that down. I won't say it here, but it was a hard time. And I had to remind myself that my life was still good, even if at the time it seemed really, really hard.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Well, that's food for thought, for sure. Yes. Because, well, we don't know about the alternative the opposite of life. We don't we don't really know. No one's come back and Well, one person did. But one person did. Okay. We don't no one's come back and said, hey, look, let me tell you something about this, you know, after life. So life is what we have today. And somebody said that's why they call it a present.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

So life is good no matter how hard it is, because as long as there is life, there is hope. And as long as there's hope, you got a new 24 to change things around. So I I like number 10. Number 10 is number 10 is 10. Number 10 is good. That's a 10.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

Yeah, that is a 10. All right. Well there's another one about life. Life is not always fair, but you should strive to be. Um but it's true, life isn't always fair. And you know, it's funny because I know I have my nephew, Marcel. He's always saying, That's not fair, auntie, that's not fair. I'm like, life isn't always fair, baby. It's not. Okay. But you should always try to be fair. That's hard. But still, it I I believe that when you're when you do the right, my mom used to. This is another thing my mom used to always say. You can never go wrong by doing the right thing. Yeah, I've heard that one too. So just try to be fair to people. It'll come back to you tenfold. What what is the hesitation on that one, Richard? My hesitation was just a low growl. Gutt or why?

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Huh? Why the growl? People sometimes take advantage of those who are fair.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

You know, and a lot of times That shouldn't stop you from being fair.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

I hear you. I hear you. But but what? What? I didn't say but I said I am pleading the fair. I'm a fair guy, Kathy. I am. I'm an I'm actually a nice guy. Are you? Until I'm not a nice guy. I was about to say what you're trying to do. I'm a nice guy. To convince you. You know, I go over and above. I I believe.

unknown 8:09

You know.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Okay, let's go to another one. Because, yeah. I agree. Well. What do you mean? Let's go to another one. Something interesting. Dance like you're a rock star.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Some people dance ugly though.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

So it doesn't matter. I don't know. But every chance you get, you should dance. Because life is short. Life is so short. Let me tell you, I had all these plans with my mom when she got to 60. And she died at 57. So I I just think that you should live now and live every moment as if it's your last. I think I have that on one of these on this list. Like live every day as if it's your last day.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Um I agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Because you just never know.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

But you know what, though, people, especially now, people are just striving to just survive. Yeah. And you can still dance through survival. They get they get so caught up in trying to just put food on the table. It's a distraction for on a lot of different levels. There are a lot of things that are being missed because people are so focused on you know the next thing.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

The the what if needs, hierarchy of needs. Yeah.

unknown 9:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

The what ifs, the if oh my gods.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

What Richard? The what the oh my gods. What is that?

SPEAKER_00 9:55

What is an oh my god? It's better than the oh my gods. It's better than a WTA. The oh my gods is like, you know, how did this happen? I I don't believe. Oh my god. You know, you know, it's funny. Is it? It's funny that you know what? I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna leave it alone.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

Go ahead, I'm listening. Nope. Not gonna do it. Not gonna do it. Next, next, next, next. So I have quite a bit about energy because you know how I feel about energy.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

We've had that discussion on multiple occasions. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

So energy is transferable. Yes, it is. So you have to protect your own. That is one of the ones about energy. And it says, do not match energy, maintain yours. Sometimes, though, you got sometimes, because I have had situations where I had to match energy. Yeah, I that doesn't always work out well. But in the moment, you're like, okay, I see your energy and I raise it. But you know, you you want to maintain your own energy and maintain, you know, whatever posture. You know who you are, but people will take you out of character real quick. But you can allow them to.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

I think you can't feed into someone else's energy. You can match it without feeding into it, um, but that's uh that's a whole different another skill set. Um and people just need to know that listen, we're all trying to navigate this thing called life. So chill. Chill. I see people getting so bent out of shape for the smallest of things. Yep. Then it escalates, and then after the escalation, there's always that why did I do that? Oh, that was stupid, or I should have just walked away, or that was uncalled for. Regret is a melancholy fool.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

It's a good one. I need to write that one. That needs to be 210. Regret is a word.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Melancholy fool. Oh, I love that. I might have to um, I might have to uh get a copyright on that, like tendernism.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Next master changing the channel when the negative thoughts come.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Ooh, I like that one because you know me and my me and my brother used to get into you know debates about you know various things, and that was our thing, change the channel. When it got really heated, you know, that was that those are the things. That is not hard. That is not easy to do.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

It is pretty hard to do. It is something? Yeah, it is something that you have to, I think, practice. Because I know it's it's not easy for me.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Maybe because we were so close, you know, and we we did not want to, we didn't want our relationship to suffer over, you know, things that didn't matter. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:15

So that makes sense. But what what I'm saying is, like, you know, there are days when you start thinking about something that's not good, and it's like it it just snowballs. It does snowball and it picks up legs, and you're and then you start running with it, and it's like it's in your brain and you're trying, you're doing your best to change the channel, but it's it's just there.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Internally, it might be difficult. Yeah, but I think as a whole, we uh we all need to learn how to change the channel, especially as it relates to others. If you can't deal with a topic in the moment, if it gets too heated in the moment, change the channel. You might see it differently when once you walk away. Now, internally, that's a different story because it don't just grow legs, it starts galloping.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

I'm just the son.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Next thing you know, is winning the Kentucky Derby.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

This one for me, when I saw it, I was like, whoa, health is wealth. And we all know that. We've heard that a million times. So it says, health is wealth, make it a priority. However, it goes on to say, your genes may load the gun, but your habits and your environment pulls the trigger. When I saw this, I thought, whoa, this is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Because how long have I been saying to you, Richard, I need to get my act together when it comes to going into the gym and working out and then you go in the gym and you browbeat your trainer, and you know, you tell him he's not the boss of you, and he can't tell you what to do. Right, man. And I'm like, then why are you dragging this man? Why? Just why?

SPEAKER_02 15:11

You know, but health is is, you know, and and it's always been important for me, not always, after my mom passed, I recognize that it should be important to me. I don't take it seriously, but I should. Because my mom passed at 57, and there is this fear in me now, and you know, I talk about it all the time, that I will not make it to 57. So that's why I didn't even have any celebration for my 50th birthday, because 57 it is. That's I just go. That's the goal. I need to make it past 57. Look past the 57. I know I have, but 57, I just want to get to 57.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Can't make that the benchmark. It is for me. Mine's 150. Dear God, we should stop. Whatever. 150. Can we be realistic?

SPEAKER_02 16:05

Hey, the people that live. Nobody lived to 150, except in the Bible days.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

150. I'm gonna be right here pushing Kathy and a stroller or walker or one of them. Wheelchair. We're gonna be, we're gonna be doing a lot of people. You are way older than me. We're gonna be doing it. I will be pushing you. I'm gonna be like, eh, girl. Listen.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

You sure look good at this. You're like 10 years older than me, Richard. What makes you think you'll you'll be pushing me? I still look good. Realistic. Please, please be realistic. It don't doesn't make sense. Never speak ill of yourself. Your brain doesn't make the difference.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

That's a hard one for a lot of people. It is. Some people do it too.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

I am learning that knowledge.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Deflect. Um some people do it to deflect the onslaught from others. So they feel like if I say it first, then it steals the thunder from the other person. But look here. Um I have learned I learned that one at a young age because of all of the friggin' bullying and all of the frigging jokes, you know what I mean? I had to learn positive affirmations.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

And so you you made fun of yourself before anyone else made fun of you.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

No, I would get made fun of, and and then you internalize a lot of that. You take, you take it home with you. And then it's hard for some to turn it around and not, you know, take it to task. So what I had to learn to do is stand in front of the mirror and realize who I was at an early age. You know, and then in front of the mirror, though? Yep. Sure did.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

What did you say?

SPEAKER_00 18:06

That's between me and the man in the mirror. Okay. Mm-hmm. But it was it counteracted, you know, all of that foolishness that kids can be cruel. Kids? Kids? Right. Listen, you won't, you tell me about some jokes.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

But see, bullying, and we've talked about this. Bullying was not a thing when, and maybe it was it was when I was growing up, but I mean, you gave it right back. It wasn't like, oh my God, I'm being bullied, I want to kill myself. It was never that for us. Because I feel like the kids nowadays, they don't have thick hide. Like you had to have thick hide growing up in Sure.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Sure. Back in our time, man. But there were, you know, there were people that we may not have recognized it as we do today, but there were people that you grew up with that you saw them um by themselves. You know, they would they would stick to themselves or, you know, they're you think it's because of bullying, though? Absolutely. They're the ones that are when when you have been bullied, you learn to recognize the signs quickly. Um, this is a person that sits on the bus looking out the window with their books clutched in their chest for a girl. For a guy, it's a guy that, you know, comes on, he's got the he's got his hoodie down, you know, he never looks you in the eye or looks up, you know, and his even his walk is tentative because he doesn't want to draw attention to himself. Those are the signs of someone who's being either bullied or abused. So you learn to recognize those things. It wasn't as prevalent or maybe what I what I should say is we didn't focus on it as much as we do today.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

Because you gave it right back. It wasn't like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

A lot of them didn't.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

They had people that how many fights do you know that happened after school back then?

SPEAKER_00 20:21

I knew a ton of fights that happened after school, but I also know a lot of people that didn't fight back.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Well, I didn't fight. I my mouth just can't fight. You don't know anything about me.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

You can't fight, Kathy. Um I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

I can't, really. I'm sorry. Try me all you want. I will run. I am not fighting anybody. I'm so sorry. My mouth will fight you in a minute. Well, that that's you start throwing hands, I will be ducking and running. Mouth is undefeated. Sure is.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

She talked trash.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

All day every day.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Kathy.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

All day every day.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

But, you know, again, you find people that, you know, back then, I could easily and readily recognize people who had been either bullied or abused. And I think that's where the protector side of me was duly formed because I would be the one catching the hands for them. But yo, leave them alone. And then you get the oh shut up, and then now it's directed at you. But I had a mirror. So you can say whatever you want to. I don't care as long as you put your hands on me. And I took, I listen, I'm gonna be honest. You know, I got a lot of guys stand up here and talk about, oh yeah, I was no, I took a lot of L's when I was growing up until I'm happy you learned I only learned that mirror later in life.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Like standing in front of the mirror. And because listen, when your insecurities rare, it's ugly. Head, it's like you you have to remind yourself that I think one of them says I am enough plus tax. Oh, that's one of the things I stand in the mirror and say, I am enough, and add some goddamn tax to that. No, for for real. Because you know, you and it's funny because the things that you're insecure about, other people will tell you are great.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Attributes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Yeah, it's like, are you serious?

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Well, mine was what I learned, one of the things that I learned to speak into the mirror is God doesn't make junk. Oh He doesn't make junk, and I'm one of a kind, and because I'm one of a kind, I'm definitely enough plus tag. Okay. Yes, plus plus plus. Plus, plus, plus. I mean you just arrogant. No, no, no. I'm self-aware. And if it uh offends you, then maybe you just need to get out the way.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Okay, so this is one of the ones that is super important to me because what numbers? This is number 40. And I don't remember what happened to jog my memory because it's all always comes back to my mom for whatever reason. It says, do not complain. My mom used to tell me you're not a tree, and even trees dig deep, deeper for or reach higher for the nutrients they need. It's something that she always uses. She's like, do not, she doesn't want to hear complaints about anything. She's like, you have nothing to complain about. You have every all your needs are being met. And one of the things I remember is that I used to complain about the teacher. There was a particular teacher who I thought did not like me.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Well, was it true?

SPEAKER_02 23:54

You know, I don't know, but she sat me down and she's like, no, this teacher has nothing to do with you. Just well, back then, remember, it was God, the pastor, teacher, and then you like it's it's the truth. You know how they are. And she used to say, Listen, I cannot teach you. If I could teach you, I would keep you home. I did not finish high school, so I'm sending you to school so that you can learn. And the teachers are it. The teachers are the one teaching you. So I never want to hear you complain about a teacher. Like I could not complain about a teacher. Wow. Ever. And she would always tell me she doesn't want to hear any complaints. It doesn't matter what it was, no complaining. She hated it. I don't think I've ever heard my mom complain about anything. And I knew she was probably, she probably had her struggles, her own insecurities, whatever they were, but I did not hear this woman complain.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Well, it had to be something that brought her to that point. Everything that we experience in our lives, you know, contribute to making us who we are. This is one of the things I used to tell my kids all the time. Anything you read, anything you touch, anything you you you watch, um, anything you hear leaves a fingerprint on your life. And you know, what you choose to do with that actually makes you the person that you become. Real talk. That is real talk. You ever you ever hang out with um so you meet a new friend, right? You're hanging out with them, and you know, and you're vibing and the energies flowing, and you pick up their catchphrase. You ever did?

SPEAKER_02 25:55

I haven't come up with a new friend in forever. I don't do new friends very well. All right.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Okay, so sorry, you know that Richard. There's this guy that used to work for me, and we, you know, we we hit it off. He was a cool little guy, but he used to always say, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know, okay. So after about the third week, I caught myself, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 26:20

Energy transferable. Didn't we just talk about yeah?

SPEAKER_00 26:22

And so I had to make a conscious effort not to say you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Yeah. I think that's one of the things I have here. I think it says surround yourself with, hold on, let me try and find it. But it's like surround yourself with like-minded people or something of a sort. I I can't find it. Hold on.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

All that speaks to energy.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Because wherever you are, you will begin to mimic the people you hang around with.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

And what was that thing about friends?

SPEAKER_02 27:06

You funny. You gotta get to surrounding, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going back to my mom, because there's a, you know, and I I recognize now that there's a lot of similarities with a lot of the women, it's goes right back to my mom. Haters are there to remind you that you're doing something right. Mommy used to say you people don't throw stones in an empty mango tree. I can actually visualize that one. But it's true. There obviously, there's obviously something there. There's ripe mango on the tree. You know, Richard, stop it. What? I saw that look.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

Um I'm visualizing someone. The mango tree and missing. Okay, let's let's go. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

Are we still talking about mangoes?

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Yes. Oh, god. Yes, absolutely. Right, mangoes.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Oh God. I'm gonna move on from the mangoes, I swear. And I was I had a whole thing with the whole mango, but forget it. Well, say it one more time, though. I am not you never see what say it one more time. People don't throw a stone in an empty mango tree.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

There we go.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Yeah, yeah. That's the phrase she used to say.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

I wish I could have met your mom.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

I wish, I wish. You did at graduation.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

We didn't get a chance to talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus all of the things swirling around us. Cheers.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

Oh goodness. Gratitude is powerful, it breeds abundance. The more you're thankful for what you already have, the more you have to be thankful for. Gratitude is riches, complaint is poverty. Where'd that one come from? Um, Doris Day actually wrote that. Oh, wow. Okay. She said that. Yeah. When I heard that, I thought the first person I thought of it was my mom because she was so against complaining. And she was, I she wasn't rich with, you know, like rich in the term, you know, the way we would think it, but she was definitely rich in terms of.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

Yeah, because isn't that a matter of perception?

SPEAKER_02 29:48

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yeah. This one I wrote uh after I was, and it was 2020, I remember it, when we were doing the Zoom meetings.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

While doing the Zoom meeting?

SPEAKER_02 30:06

Yes, because someone texted me and was like, okay, you need to turn your cameras, your camera off. Controlling my emotions is paramount to being an adult. Now my face, still a work in progress. And I remember when I wrote this.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

Yeah, I don't have a hypocritical face either. No.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

She one of my co-works, she texts me, she's like, you have got to turn your camera off because your face is telling all the story right now.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Like, yeah. I don't want to be here. Why are we having this meeting? She's really not saying anything. Is that the coffee pot? Uh yeah, I don't have a hypocritical face, you know.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

I I my face just can't lie.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

Can you fix your face? No. Yeah. No, I can't. Um and I'm not apologizing for it either.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

I well, what I do, I have to be careful of the way my expressions show. It's the truth. I mean, it's hard for me. It's hard for my face to lie. My lip scan, my face tells another story.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

I'm glad I do what I do. Yeah. How I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

Number 41. Temper your expectations of others. It will duck you up every time.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

It'll what?

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Duck with the F.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Ooh. Got it.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

But it's the truth. You have to, right?

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Um, I had someone put it this way. You cannot expect of others what is innate in you. So he was saying that he made a certain amount of money. And when people would complain about not being able to do this or that, and it had a monetary issue attached to it, he would pass judgment. But then one day something happened, and I don't remember what he said happened, but something happened and he realized that they didn't make what he made. They didn't have at their disposal what he had at his disposal. So he can't judge their life by how and what he earned and made.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

Well, yeah. Resources are different.

SPEAKER_00 32:41

Well, this was a guy that this was a guy that collected scrap metal. This is before everyone started doing it. He collected scrap metal, and I saw the checks he would bring home, and they were, I mean, nothing less than 12 grand per trip.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

What? Do I need to get a truck?

SPEAKER_00 33:04

He would gather this. I used to call him Fred Safford because he had his old, it was a 66-Ford steak bed. And man, now the outside of it, I'm like, oh my gosh. But man, that thing had an engine in it, it'd run forever. But he would collect aluminum and um AC units, and um, man, he had a system, and so he would go up the road and there would be barrels of copper, barrels of aluminum, but and you know, and to be honest, I kind of looked down on him too, because I'm like, oh, raggedy crazy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

Until you saw his check, though. I was like, Okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

You can't judge the book by the cover. So and he used to keep the the stubs, the stubs, the check stubs on the dash, and they were stacked, you know, and and so I was like, he was like he was going through something and you know, couldn't get a job, couldn't find a job. And said another older guy came to him and said, Let me show you something. And so he took him out in the backyard and tipped this barrel over, and there were these windings, copper windings. He said, Now you take this chisel and you knock this copper off of here. And at first he was like, Man, I'm not doing that, you know. And then the needs of his family superseded the pride. And so he got in there and he did it. And, you know, he said, that first trip proved all he needed to do it ever since.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

So why does he judge other people though? Because they can't do what he's doing.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Because he felt like he, from where he came from, okay, and doing what he does, which most people would look down upon. He earns this kind of money. So if you're walking around, you know, and you're not doing what he submitted his pride to do, then you gotta be doing better than he's doing. And so he would he would judge people to that end. But he said he had to learn that he cannot, you can't measure the next person by your life experience.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

Makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

Yeah, that was that was a lesson for me too, because I was like, dang, you know, um I was like you, where can I buy a truck?

SPEAKER_02 35:38

Speaking of money, you got one of those on the one, yes. Okay you know, people always say money can't buy you happiness. I do not believe I do not subscribe to that. No, no, okay. Expound. Money can buy you happiness. You need to shop in the right places.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

Wow, no.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

Yes, absolutely not. No, don't tell me like I hate when people say, Oh, money can't buy you happiness. Well, obviously, you don't have any money, so you won't know. I mean, give me a break. Uh wait, you remember you telling me Jeff Bezos ain't happy? Oprah ain't happy.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

No, I can't. Well, no, let me take that back. I can't I can't speak for them, okay? But I remember Biggie said more money, more problems.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Okay, give me on give me the problems, bring them on. I want them.

unknown 36:34

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

No, money comes with problems. Okay. Problems always, every single problem has a solution, Richard.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Well, that's true. Even the Bible says that money is the answer to all problems. But trust and believe, you're gonna have a multitude of problems. And sometimes the you ever get to the point where you're just sick of spending?

SPEAKER_02 37:02

No. I've never been there. Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:07

Ever in my life. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

I have. I have. I've been to the point where I was just like, no, I'm sick of paying bills, but spending, no. No, I just got sick of spending.

SPEAKER_02 37:16

I was like, Nope. You know, how are you sick of spending? Because it you You know what? I think this whole money thing, and I know I grew up in the church. One of the things that they used to teach you is it's easier.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

What's that thing about it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle needle than for a rich person.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

So they they always have this thing on that don't pursue being rich or don't pursue.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

I disagree with that because that's not what is, that's not what it means.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Of course that's not what it means. But that's how they that's how they market it to you, I should say.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

So you can be in poverty?

SPEAKER_02 37:56

I yeah, it's for me, the church, the church glorifies poverty. And that is not something poverty is not, I don't even like the word, actually. Like I don't even want to say the word.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

It just Okay, so I agree with you in that respect because they're taking that out of context.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

What did they it wouldn't, you know what? Even if they were not, it would not have mattered to me, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Because I promise you that money comes with its own set of problems, man.

SPEAKER_02 38:31

It doesn't keep saying that. Every problem has a solution. Listen. Yeah, you throw money at it. I prefer to be crying on a yacht in the Mediterranean. Wow. What are you crying about? It doesn't matter what I'm crying about. Being on, I prefer to be unhappy on a yacht in the Mediterranean. And you know how I feel about a yacht in the Mediterranean, Richard. You know, we've talked about this yacht in the Mediterranean. Not with you forever. You would rather be crying on this, you'd rather be sad on a yacht. Happy on a yacht in the Mediterranean than to be working here and being happy. Right now, I swear to God. What are you saying? Oh gosh. But I hate it when they say, oh, you know, money is a root. It's like, it's not money, it's the love of money. It's a root of the money.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

Okay, so here's my frustration with that. Okay. It's like a it's like a hamster wheel. The more you have, you know, the more you have to have in order to continue the So you're saying it's a bottomless pit.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Like I you don't think I'd be satisfied with just having It's a bottomless pit, trust me.

unknown 39:47

It is.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

Richard, that then let me let me experience the bottomless pit.

SPEAKER_00 39:52

It's a hamster wheel. You know.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

I want to be on that wheel.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

You could be a you could be on.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

I'll build some leg muscles. You can riding that wheel.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

You could be a millionaire today and spend a hundred bucks and you're no longer a millionaire. That's perspective. I want to experience that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

But I hate it when people say, oh, money can't buy. It can. It can. You just need to shop in the right place.

SPEAKER_00 40:16

It can't buy you happiness. That's something that has to come. You got you've got people who we believe had it all. Okay. And they ended their lives. Okay. That's not them. We're happy.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

That's on them. I'm not them. I will be very happy with a million dollars right now. Okay. Doesn't matter what's happening.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

We're going to go, we're going to start an indie go so that we can do a social experiment. Please. Please. No, for real. Please. And then through the course of the campaign, we're going to follow Kathy around with a camera so that we can see the level of her happiness. Happiness. How do we measure that? Um, hmm. We'll have people call in and vote. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

Because I will be happy as a clam. Listen.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

In the Mediterranean. Listen. Crying on the.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

Happy as a pig in shit. Because I hate it when they say money can't buy you happiness. Yes, it can. And I know exactly where to shop.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

So where's the first part of happy begin? Where's this yellow brick road?

SPEAKER_02 41:29

How many times have I told you the yacht in the Mediterranean?

SPEAKER_00 41:33

You can't shop on the yacht.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

Are you going to have it flown in? It's not about the physical act of shopping. It's about just the experiences and what it brings. Money brings certain experiences your way that poverty will never do. You agree with me on that, right? Well, I'm going to refer back to your mom.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

What is the m what but what about my mom? No matter what state you find yourself in, don't complain.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

I'm not complaining.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

I ain't talking about you. It's just for the audience. Oh, okay. While I sip my coffee. Okay. Just saying. Anyone that wants to sponsor the Indiegogo. What's this? Indiegogo is the same. Indiegogo or personally sponsor Kathy a yacht. A yacht to cry on in the Mediterranean.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

I don't want to cry, I want to be. It doesn't matter. Happy side.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

No, you gotta have some tears. That's part of the campaign. So anyone that wants to, you know, follow us on social media.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

Continuing in the theme of money. Go. Do not lend money you can't afford to lose. This was a gem from my grandmother. Girl, listen, that one right there. It has created so many enemies. Facts. It's something my grandmother always told me. Don't lend money to lose. You know, you need that money, don't lend it. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Yeah. You wanna you wanna lose a friend fast? Money. Lend them money.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

Okay. And this one that I fear.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

Another one about being fair?

SPEAKER_02 43:22

No, fear. Like fear, like being afraid. Fear is a liar and a thief. It lies about your reality and it robs you of experiencing your full potential. We have learned to make fear our comfort zone. I had to learn that, especially when we were when we started, we started talking about doing this podcast. There were so many fear. Richard, don't give me that look. I'm just agreeing. There were so many fears. Oh my gosh. I've Like live those.

unknown 44:02

Stop it.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

And I thought I had all kinds of stuff swirling around in my head. Yes. What ifs, what ifs. What are people gonna say? Oh my god, my family. Well, I mean, and really.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

But you had you had your friends, and yeah, look. Yeah. Just do like Nike. Just do it. Just do it. And deal with the idea of ideas after.

SPEAKER_02 44:27

But it can't, it can stop you. Because I know there are some other projects that I wanted to work on, but because I was so afraid. And I know we've spoken about, I think we spoke about this on one of the podcasts about being afraid. And there are things that I, yes. That's because you need to go back and listen.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

But we won't go to that, to that, to to that point. Um a lot of times fear is used to deter. Um, we will have a great idea, and then we will talk ourselves out of it. But in some instances now, just to put it in context, fear can be your friend. Because it keeps you sharp, it keeps you aware, and then it shows you how to navigate a situation. So a healthy amount of fear controls you. But when it comes to individual, you know, things you want to do in individually to achieve in your life, man, throw that out the window. Because you're either gonna, it's either gonna work or it's not. Yeah. Okay, and if it doesn't, so what? So what? Uh somebody, somebody tried a long time ago, and this goes back to I really don't care what you got to say. Somebody tried to embarrass me about something I attempted to do and failed. And I said, so you never fell when you attempted to walk. You just came out the womb walking home. Never fell over when you were even crawling, or never fell over trying to ride a bike, or so listen, failure is a part of success until you fail.

SPEAKER_02 46:27

Nobody wants to fail, though.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Doesn't matter. I'll fail. I didn't want to fail.

SPEAKER_02 46:32

Like, can you imagine if this podcast was fine?

SPEAKER_00 46:34

When do you really fail, though? When do you fail? I don't know. When you give up. That's when that's when you fail.

SPEAKER_02 46:42

Yeah. You know, you don't think like that.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

You walk, I do. You walk in today, but you failed over and over. And you your parents are right there. Oh, oh, come on, come on. Boop. Some of us fell on our heads. And still falling on the heads. Coffee time.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

You know, when you you something triggered my memory, I have a huge scar on my right knee. You've noticed it, right? Yes. From a bicycle accident in Antigua. Mm-hmm. I remember. And up till this day, I've never gotten back onto a bicycle. So I do not know how to ride a bike, which is really crazy. Because that huge scar reminds me. And I maybe I need to learn to ride a bike.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

We we're gonna do that and we're gonna we're gonna video.

SPEAKER_02 47:34

We're gonna talk about the swimming part.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

No, no, we ain't gonna even go with.

SPEAKER_02 47:38

I am. Those are the three. There are three things that I promised my mom. Hold on. There are three things that I promised myself that I would do this year.

SPEAKER_01 47:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 47:47

Because it's to make my mom whole. Because she used to pay for swimming lessons, used to pay for piano lessons, and she used to pay for for um tennis lessons. I can do none of the three.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

You can play some. I mean, it's not really Richard.

SPEAKER_02 48:02

I mean, you can't go to the corner and get whole, but you can say like she paid for all of these things because she wanted her daughter to be a real wild, well-rounded individual. And I can do none of them, which sucks.

SPEAKER_00 48:16

So the next time we do the podcast, I'm bringing a bicycle.

SPEAKER_02 48:19

No, you're not cameras. Who's gonna get out of the bicycle? You not on camera. Well, I'm gonna tell you that when I can ride, then we can put it on camera. No, no, no, no, no. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

Listen, listen, listen, listen. I heard this on the internet the other day. And she said, you have to understand that the reason you can ride a bicycle is because someone you trusted had enough in you to let go.

SPEAKER_02 48:50

Ooh, it was my cousin. He let go and I was down on my face and deeds.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

It's probably going down one of them, them doggone mountains, you know. You know what? That's probably what it was. But when I heard that, I was like, wow. So you trusted them and they let you go. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

And I fell on my freaking face.

SPEAKER_00 49:12

Yeah, but scuffed up my knee. We're gonna, I'm bringing a bicycle.

SPEAKER_02 49:18

For who? Because I'm not getting on it. For you, yes, you are. You're gonna ride a bicycle. Next one. Before and I'm skipping around.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

Before Richard, the end of April, we're gonna have, we're gonna show y'all Kathy riding a bike. You can do it on AI. We manifest in that. No, you're gonna ride a bike.

SPEAKER_02 49:43

65. See, Ron, I like well, I haven't even read all of them. 65. You can't make peace with someone who only knows war. War is like oxygen to some people, and if they can't find it, they create it. All they know is strife, and peace is never an option for them. So you are not equipped to reason with these kind of these kinds of people. It is futile. Don't do it. What happened when you wrote that one? I don't remember, but something must have happened for me to write that.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

It's chaos agent. That's what I call them. Chaos agent. You know, and they can be family, friends, family. You know, and you have to learn to at you deal with them at a distance. You still love them, but you gotta you gotta love them from a distance because brings me to this.

SPEAKER_02 50:36

It's okay to let the time run out on some relationships. Let them go. And what happened? I have learned that over the years, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

Well, you can't set sail when there's an anchor at the bottom of the ocean. And if that is friends, family, or even even some people get comfortable. You get comfortable in a job, a profession, and you know, you really don't you're really not being the best version of you that you can be, but again, fear keeps you there, and you're afraid to let go because you're afraid that that thing, if you let it go, your life is gonna change to the extent that you're less than, and that's not true.

SPEAKER_02 51:28

There goes that fear again. It lies about your reality and robs you of your potential. I uh I know it's robbed me of a lot of prote of a lot of potential, so I know. And it's sad. Ugh. All right, we have to wrap, we have to start wrapping up. This one I wrote because I was really struggling with um, it wasn't a coworker, it was um an associate, a work associate, and I really wanted to lash out and say some things that I probably would have regretted? Yes. So there is never a good reason, there is never good enough reason to be mean. My mother used to say this all the time. I have never seen my mother curse, be nasty, or mean to anyone. She was the type to chat up everyone, even if she didn't know you, and she knew you didn't like her. I have seen people be mean to her, and all she did was smile, bless them, and walk away. I aspire to be this unbothered and gracious, but I know I have a lot of work to do. Lord knows I've encountered numerous scenarios where I thought mean was the correct answer. I cannot think of any of those scenarios where it served me well. And that is the God honest truth.

SPEAKER_00 52:56

I can actually attest to the fact that I've never been mean. Okay. There have been times when I've had to walk away because I know who I am. I know what I can bring, but rather than do that and be filled with the regret, and then two, okay, so my I told you, everything that we experience creates the person we are. I gotta really give my brother credit for forging that in me because I had to maintain my cool because if I went off, he would go off. And if he went off, we're talking about escalation to Mount Vesuvius type levels. So anytime he was around me, if there was, you know, something that, and and also learn to recognize early, that's a problem. Yeah, you know, I need to steer him clear of the problem. People say, Oh, your brother, your brother's crazy. Your brother's, your brother's this, your brother's that. And I would say to them, he's a little brother. The dog that you need to beware of is the one that doesn't bark. He'll bark. I'm just gonna bite you. So don't bite people, Richard. Oh, don't bite anybody. Again, I didn't I didn't have to because he taught me through his anger that I needed to control mine. It's crazy, ain't it? It is.

unknown 54:51

Yeah. All right.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

So this speaks to trauma, and I know a lot of our episodes are based on trauma. Um, and I wrote this down after we did, I think, like the third or fourth episode. So this is like 92. Trauma is not what happens to you, it's what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you. So it's really not what's happening to you. It's what's happening inside of you because of what happened to you. Got it. It's not what's happening to you. It's not direct, is what it's saying. You don't get it. So it's not what's happening to you, it's what's happening inside of you. Oh, as a result of what's happened to you.

SPEAKER_00 56:03

Yeah, you was that was the Mediterranean right there.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

Not the Mediterranean.

SPEAKER_00 56:10

I'm gonna need to yell. I love the Mediterranean. But wow, yeah, that has a depth and breadth that a lot more on the surface.

SPEAKER_02 56:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 56:20

Um, that's why I was like it also means that we have internalized what happened.

SPEAKER_02 56:26

You and it also means we have control over it.

SPEAKER_00 56:30

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_02 56:31

That's what that means. It does. Yeah, it was quite poignant when I when I saw it, and I was like, whoa, this makes so much sense. Back to my mom, and I I want to call this one out. Jealousy is a spirit that infects, even erodes the soul. And once it's there, it's hard to get rid of. I still live by this today, something that my mom used to say. I think I I wrote, I miss her intensely and I miss her wisdom. So one of the first times my mom came here, she she had just gotten ill, and I brought her here. She hated it here, by the way. Not because she didn't have any autonomy over herself when she was here. She she doesn't drive, so I had to take her everywhere. And I remember I had some girlfriends come by, and when they left, she called me and she said, Can I speak to you? And I'm like, Oh God. You know, you know that that motherly, I mean, I'm grown, I'm already married, right?

SPEAKER_00 57:35

No matter.

SPEAKER_02 57:36

It doesn't like, whoa, what is happening? Mommy wants to talk to me. Oh God. So there was that little thing in my stomach, like that fear. And she said, I remember her, she's she stood at my bedroom door, and I'm like, Mom, you can come in. She's like, No, she did not come into my bedroom unless I told her, or she asked if, like, if I asked her to make my bed or something, like that's why she did not come into my bedroom. I think that's just the Caribbean, older Caribbean thing that your bedroom is sacred, which is what she said to me. And she said, you know, you're young, your husband is young, you live a good life, and one of the things that women tend to do is be jealous and want what you have. So you be careful of having all these women coming to your house. And she said, your bedroom is your sacred space. Do not let any woman or man for that matter come into your bedroom. I'm like, Ma, what do you think? She's like your friends, they were sitting on your bed, you guys were chatting, like, that's not acceptable. And I'm like, okay. But it was, it was something she told me, and it always stuck with me. So now no one, no one goes to my bedroom, no one sits on my bed. But one of the things that she was teaching me is that people are innately jealous, especially when you're living a certain way, and they're not. And it brings me to, I don't know if you ever heard Oprah say this. You cannot be a you cannot be friends with someone who wants your life. Oprah said that. That always brings me back. When I heard Oprah say it, it brought me back to what mommy said.

SPEAKER_00 59:34

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 59:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:35

That's absolutely true.

SPEAKER_02 59:36

Jealousy is a spirit, it can infect it's like a cancer.

SPEAKER_00 59:42

I think I saw that on social media last week. Someone said, you know, you bring people into your home, and those people speak ill of you outside of your home. The words carry spirits. That's why they call it spelling. That's a spell. Yeah. And so people come into your home and they may celebrate in front of your face, but as soon as they leave. My grandmother used to say, anybody that will bring a bone will carry one.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

Isn't that the truth? You definitely gotta have your your home is not just the bring a bone to carry one. I think that's one of the things I have written. Um, not the bone part, but if people say, when people say things behind your back, I think I wrote like they're in the best position to kiss my ass or something like that. Let me go look for it. But go ahead, talking. Jeez. Um okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:47

Talking about a spell.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:49

Uh and I think the last thing that we should, I don't know if there's anything that you want to share, but one of the things I wanted to bring up is no, I used to, I used to go to a senior center when I wasn't working for all those years. I would um volunteer at a senior center. And one of the things that there was this lady, and for some reason she just liked me and I loved her. And I would sit with her and chat, and she would say, um, she one of the most I never forget that most poignant thing she's ever said to me is that no is a complete sentence. And I'm looking for it, dear God, because I I know I wrote it down, I can't find it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:31

Um needs no interpretation.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:34

No is a complete sentence. Not having the need to explain or defend yourself is real peace. Saying no will always bring you peace. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:46

I had to learn that one. Learn that one late in life.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:50

Saying no.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:50

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:53

It will always bring you peace.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:56

But of course, when you set boundaries, then you separate yourself from those who were only your friends because you were a friend that had benefits.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:08

Am I a friend with benefits?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:11

Fifth. FIF, fifth pleading to fifth.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:16

What is it? F-I-F?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:18

According to Dave Spell, it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:22

Thank you guys so much for joining us for our one-year anniversary episode. We love you, and we are grateful that you've rocked with us for a whole year. And we're hoping that you do this for the next few years. Say bye, Richard. Bye, Richard. Bye, y'all.