02 - Reclaiming Herself - Cheryl Siree on Trauma, Addiction & Transformation

Today, I had the privilege of sitting down with Cheryl Siree for a raw, honest, and deeply moving conversation.

Cheryl opened up about her early life, the powerful conditionings that shaped her, and the emotional weight of caring for loved ones through illness. When they passed, she was left not only with grief, but a deep disconnection from herself.

She shares her courageous journey through addiction and time in prison, and how those darkest moments ultimately sparked a profound healing process -reconnecting her with her inner child and guiding her onto a powerful spiritual path.

This episode is a testament to resilience, self-discovery, and the truth that no matter where you begin, healing is always possible.

Edited and produced by Mike at Making Digital Real

Transcript

Welcome to Guide to Spirituality's podcast with me, Stacey Bower. It's a down-to-earth space where we talk all things spiritual. Each episode I'm joined by guests from all walks of life to share real experiences, practical tools and honest conversations about healing, growth and the unseen spiritual world. 

Whether you're just starting out or you're deep on your journey, this podcast is here to support your path with insight, connection and that little bit of magic. Today we're collaborating with the amazing Cheryl Siree where we dive into healing, addiction and how to overcome trauma. Good morning Cheryl and welcome to Guide to Spirituality's podcast. 

How are you this morning? I'm very well, thank you. Good, good, good. Now Cheryl, when I have spoken with you in the past and I've spoken, I've known you for quite a few years now, your journey has always seemed quite a long one to me and when I say long, I feel like all the parts of it you've been a little bit tormented and I genuinely believe as well that you plan to do it like that this time. 

I believe that and I feel like you've done it very well actually. I feel that there's been quite a lot of healing on your path and when I've spoken to different parts, the healing has been quite intense. I know you've had like hives and all sorts of things through healing patterns, so will you tell us how it started from young Cheryl and how we got to where we are now, please? Okay, so growing up was quite difficult.

My mum was an undiagnosed manic psychotic who developed a problem with alcohol and my nan and grandad, they were in the army and they were just me and my brother and that's the small family that we had. So it was quite turbulent and so I learned very quickly to be a people pleaser in the sense of nan and grandad, everything was very regimental. They loved me with all their heart, I'm not saying anything wrong but there was conditions to receiving their love in the sense that if I didn't behave in a certain way and then I wouldn't be accepted in their home because you know and then when I was with my mum, her conditions were very up and down. 

They changed from one day to the next and depending on you know what were going on that day, what had happened at work with her because she was a functioning alcoholic, I don't know how she did it but she did it and her conditions changed daily and so me and my brother really didn't have a clue where we were at from one day to the next and so people pleasing were a massive, massive thing for me and my brother as well and then later in life, my grandad got throat cancer and my mum got cancer and my nan has always been quite poorly for years so then my journey of caring started for all three of them. As my grandad got terminal, my mum got cancer and then when my grandad died, my mum got her terminal and I was caring for two children at this point as well and again, it was just constantly people pleasing but in those years where I was caring, I kind of lost who I was. I didn't know who I was anymore and that came to light when they all passed away and I could finally be me but I had no clue who me was.

Didn't know who she was. No, I was there. Yeah and I thought that because when they all passed away, I did mess up and I ended up on crack cocaine which I take full responsibility for but I'm really glad that happened. 

I've never been so happy of something happening that was so what but what you'd think was so negative because that was the start of my journey. I had to reach the lowest steps and when I say I was hanging around with the lowest of the law, I may never hang around with the lowest of the law because I didn't want to do it in front of my children in the house so I'd just, you know, I'd just go somewhere else but then I cried out for help for the drugs from a local place and they basically told me they didn't know what category to put me in. Now, I do know from the users that I was sat with that a lot of people used heroin to come down and however, I couldn't stand the smell of it. 

I just didn't like it so I never did and for that reason, they said they didn't know what category they put me in and I now know that it's because they couldn't medicate me. Okay. They couldn't, they can't medicate for crack cocaine so like, right, okay. 

Things got really bad and one night, I saw this guy who I knew from ages ago and he had a beautiful car. He had a Cupra and I was like, can I have a go? Please let me have a go of that car. And I'm trying to pretend to this guy that I'm not on anything.

Well, it was like, well, I wouldn't advise it and I was pleased but it was gorgeous basically. What colour was it Cheryl? It was white. White. 

It was lovely. Anyway, put a long story short, I'm driving this here car, driving down the road and because you're on by me, it's quite bad. So, we're on this road and they put the sirens on and well, the lights not the sirens.

Yeah. And I thought because it was a known area, I thought he was just going to overtake and go, I thought they'd turn the lights off so that the people who were going to catch could hear him or anybody. So, I've just moved over slightly, you know, I just moved over a little bit and then he put his sirens on and I realised they were chasing me. 

You were chased, did you? I was like, oh no and I've whacked so much in my life. Like, literally, I didn't even look through the windscreen. I just looked in the mirror thinking one word, shit. 

That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. I went through red lights, crashed it in all muddo. 

Bear in mind, I had a licence but that panic, I've never felt panic like it and so from that, I ended up going to prison. Right, hang on, let me just go back. So, you were on crack when you had to go in the car? Well, I hadn't had any for a few days at that point because I was trying to convince the man that I was, that whose car it was, that I wasn't. 

Okay. So, you'd gone through red lights and in ditches and all sorts so that's why they were stopping you? No, that would just be, no, I was literally, I was just driving down the road. It was just... What did they pull you over for? I don't, listen, I don't know. 

I didn't ask. I bet you'd be put on the horror list. I think it was just like a spot check, you know. 

Like, I think he would just want it to hone you over. I don't think it, I don't think it were anything sinister at first. It was just one of them things. 

But had you had previous driving convictions? No, I've never, no. So, you're the first woman they put you in prison? Um, yeah. I have been in trouble for 20 years since I worried. 

Yeah. And how long did you get in prison? This was just going to six months. It was because, it was because the judge, who, the judge who had me that morning, he had to be doing a campaign, didn't he, about dangerous driving. 

Oh. Yeah. And obviously, the severity of it, because I went through the red light, it was near the BRI hospital. 

So, it was really dangerous what I did. Okay. Right. 

It was quite bad. And then I crashed, obviously. Right. 

Because, I mean, you hear the people doing all sorts of daft stuff, don't you, and getting off with it, and then they get a bit of a fine. So, I just wondered, had you, like, injured somebody or something like that? No, no. Just myself. 

And it didn't help, because when the, when the airbag popped out, you know, I, I've never crashed a car. And the last time that I were in a crash, there were no airbags in the car. They smacked it face, and I think that shocked me even more. 

And so, I didn't know how to run until my adrenaline stopped. And then I was like, oh, what have you done? Right. Okay.

Yeah. Right. So, so, so, so, how old were you then, Cheryl? Um, it wasn't long ago. 

Well, it was 2018. So, 36. Right. 

So, we've got two kids. Yeah. We've grown up, like, in a, in a regimented house where things had to be, you know, the way or no way. 

We've got a mum that's a functioning alcoholic. We have lost just about everybody we've cared for. Yeah.

We've turned to drugs. We've got these two kids. We've been arrested, and we've been put in prison.

Where on earth do you go from there? Where do you, where do you go, like? Well, my children, one of them were 14, and the other one, well, an adult and independent. We were living on our own. So, he, my son went to go and live with his sister.

Yeah. And then, well, minus all the turmoil that I felt with regards to letting my children down, because they had a Well, I didn't do anything for me. I was just at home with my kids, and when I weren't with my kids, I was with my family. 

I didn't go out drinking. I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. 

So, apart from that, which ripped me apart, and it's still quite difficult to talk about now, because as much as I wouldn't want to change it, that's the only bit that I would really want to change. But, that was day one of my journey, and when I was laid in that cell, amongst the madness, I realized that I only had me to think of in that position. I couldn't do anything about anybody else, and it was a massive shock to the system, and I just laid there for two days, because the thing that I found difficult was, what do I, putting myself first, and having to think about me, and it felt so foreign.

Like, I didn't know what to do for the best. You know, like, even, well, I think, because there were no children there, but when you're put in that situation, you have to do what's right for you. Otherwise, you're going to be in trouble in there.

You know, and the women in there, they're very broken. They're very, very broken, each man for himself, and I were like the weak link, because I wasn't the usual type of person, so much so that even prison officers said to me, what are you doing in here? You know, like, I didn't fit in there. It wasn't, and I'm not saying there was anything better about me. 

I'm just saying it was it was a shock, and then as soon as they see somebody who's weak like that, they tend to try and push you buttons. Yeah. You know, try to get you into things that you don't want to get into, and they're very, it were very different. 

I mean, the first question they asked me is, are you bicurious? Really? First question, the first question that they asked me, and I can't tell you how intimidated I felt, but I knew with that, you need to stand your ground. You need to stand your ground, and that's where I found Shira. You know what I mean? I was like, move on. 

I'm certainly not. You know, I had to make it quite clear that that wasn't going to be an option. That's the thing, I suppose, if you come across a bit vulnerable or a bit timid or out like that, you're easily swayed, aren't you? And if you've a few women that have been in there before, they might know ropes, they might have been in prison a few times. 

Yeah. You know, it's a big thing, isn't it? It's like going into preschool all of a sudden again, isn't it, you know? It was massive, but the two, I only spent two weeks in that prison, and it was quite bad. It was, honestly, it was bad, and I didn't understand, I didn't know how we were going to get through, and even the staff were bad. 

So, yeah, so I got, I think, two three-minute phone calls to the kids, and then after that, you're supposed to put a list of names and addresses for a contact list so they can go through security first before you can speak to, before you can ring anyone, you've got to get clearance. So, I did that, and 13 days later, still nothing. I still couldn't speak to my kids. 

So, I think I got tested in every which way, shape or form, because that's the only thing that I needed. Yeah. Anything else that happened to me, I wasn't bothered, just I needed to speak to my kids, because obviously, look what I've just put them through. 

I just needed to hear their voice and to see if they were okay, but for whatever reason, I couldn't, and I'm not gonna lie, I did lose it that day when, on the 14th day, or just, I just went crazy, and they did do it, but it shouldn't have to come to that, and nobody showed me the ropes, not the staff, and even a staff member had to ask another prisoner how to do it, and I was just like, I couldn't believe where I was, what I was doing, you know, but it were really daunting. Anyway, after a bit, I befriended this woman, and she was a self-harmer. Right. 

And really, really bad, and even though I'd fallen back into old habits of looking after and caring for that lady, the staff noticed that she hadn't cut herself up or done anything daft in the time that I'd been spending with her. Yeah. And then, next thing you know, they opened my cell door, and they said, right, you're going to Ascombe Grange, pack your bags, and I was like, what? And I said, what do you mean? I didn't even know what Ascombe Grange was, Stacey.

No, I don't know what it is. It were an open jail. Oh, right. 

It were an open jail. Now, I went, I made the mistake of asking some of the other girls, what is Ascombe Grange, because it sounds horrific, doesn't it, in the name? It does, doesn't it? Yeah. I was like, it's the cell block H, wasn't it? Yeah, so I didn't know where it was, and I was like, okay, and anyway, they all got really jealous, because a few of them had been trying to get there for some time, and I didn't know. 

So, that's why, I know, I think that's why they just opened the door and told me, and yeah. They were all pre-planned, yeah. Yeah, so I just hid away for the next 12 hours, because I was just like, I don't know what I've done wrong here, I don't know, but they've all been trying to get there. 

Apparently, it's like a goal for them to do. Yeah, it's like really good for rehabilitation and stuff like that. Oh, right, okay. 

Anyway, so we've gone there. I've gone there. Stacey, I don't know how I ended up there. 

It were beautiful. Weren't it? Literally. Honestly, there was a little duck pond in the fair, and it looked like, it was lovely. 

The staff were really accommodating, and when I asked, like, why have you sent me here, and they were saying, well, you just fit the criteria. So, is that more of a rehab centre then? It's more for the good prisoners. Right. 

Who, yeah, you've got, apparently, you've got to like show that you're good, but I've never, I don't know, I didn't know the system, you know, I didn't have a clue, but when I got there, I spoke to a lovely lady, and I got quite a lot of counselling. Did you? Yeah, bereavement counselling, and they made me do a timeline from the day all the way back, and they assessed me like that. They assessed everything, but I think actually speaking about it really, really helped.

Well, that was more like, I think I needed to get that out of the way before I come out. Yeah. Because then, once I'd got to Operon Prison, they told me that I wouldn't be doing that long.

I did get six months, but it gets cut in half. Yeah. I was eligible for TAG, so that gets cut in half again, so I only did like six weeks. 

Right, okay. Nearly seven weeks, but that were it. So, they just gave me all the help that they could prior to that. 

I did tell them about my drug problem, and I did tell them, and they explained a little bit about how that works, like with crack, why can't they help? And they were basically saying that heroin, they can prescribe you drugs for. So, if you're on heroin, they'll give you the drugs, and then they'll knock you down slowly, and that's more of a physical addiction, whereas crack cocaine's not. It's more like a psychological drug. 

So, what it does is, you know the feel-good chemical that your body, that your body gives off naturally, well, that gives a massive blast. Right. When you have it.

So, usually your body will reward eating, sleeping, sex, etc. Yeah. But when you use that, it gives you a massive one, so you stop eating, sleeping. 

Right. Food and stuff like that, you know. And so, that's why it's so difficult to come off that drug, because it's the natural thing that's found within your body, and really, yeah, your head has to be in a good place.

That's it. So, if you've got any sort of mental illness, then you're going to crave that, aren't you? Because it's, I just want to feel okay. I just want to feel like I'm happy.

And I think, I think at first, when I first started using it, I didn't start using it because, well, I started off going, I tried to go out drinking with my friends. Yeah. After 10 years, I couldn't drink. 

I hadn't had a drink for years. I couldn't do it. I got run over by a taxi.

I broke my leg in half. And I... Run over by a taxi? Did you get hurt or like just not... Well, I didn't up and carried on and I didn't go to hospital till Monday morning. I know. 

I know. But yeah, that's what happens when I get drunk. So, but I remember someone saying, oh, you should just have a line of coke when that happens. 

And that wouldn't happen. And I was like, all right. Okay, then. 

So, I went out next week with my pot on and a size six boot and a size barb. I did. And I did. 

When I started to feel sick or wobbly or vulnerable, I just had a bit of cocaine. And that was the end of it, really. But then, when I went out at weekend, that's when I was struggling because I'd lost everybody. 

I was depressed, really depressed. I would try to be there for my kids. And my daughter had just had a baby. 

Right. And it was just too much. And anyway, I was doing my washing and you know, you're going out clothes don't they? Yeah. 

Anyway, because I only used it when I felt wobbly or sick or vulnerable. I still had some in my pocket and I found it. I found it in the bottom of my wash basket when I was doing the pockets to do the washing. 

Yeah. And I had some. And you know that day, I cleaned the full house. 

I did the uniform. Everything. Everything. 

I made all the phone calls I needed to feel. And I didn't feel like a lead weight. And that's all I started to use that.

And then I got an infection in my nose. I know it was from cocaine, but the doctors didn't. And they said it's sinusitis. 

And they said it would have gone to my brain. And if I hadn't come that day. Right. 

And so the next time I went out, I didn't have no coke. Well, I did have it in my pocket, but I didn't actually take it. But I knew that you make crack out of cocaine. 

So I, um, this is how long ago it was. We're on YouTube. It showed you how to do it. 

Is it? Yeah. Yeah. I swear to God. 

So that's how I started. That's how I started. And that's how it comes. 

It changed very quickly from being a coking, a coping mechanism to a habit, a habit quick in it. That's very quick in it. Yeah. 

It was massive. It was massive. But like you said, then where do you go? Who do you ask for help? And for saying to you, well, we can't really help you because you don't have out to come down. 

Who do you speak to? Where is the, for people to go? Do you know what I've got this bit of an habit or and he's moving very quickly. I need some help. What do you do? Well, when I came out and because of the prison that I've been in, they did offer me quite a lot of help. 

Yeah. And now I said that I didn't mind doing the one-to-one and I'd speak to him and I didn't mind doing the drug testing either. Yeah. 

But the thing is, is that what they wanted me to do next, I refused because around my area, drugs is very common. Yeah. And so the place where they they want you to go and they want you to sit in a meeting and say, you know, basically I'm Cheryl, I'm an addict, which is fine. 

I would have done that. But the people within that group, I also knew from my time taking drugs. And I also knew that they were more about blogging it, leaving that meeting and going to scar drugs. 

Right. Okay. So that was my reasoning for not wanting to go there. 

And because I knew if I were having a bad day, it would be so easy just to tag along and just go do it again. Yeah. And I did have a few more wobbles. 

I did come out of prison. I'm not going to lie. But then after I'd stopped a while, I just spent a lot of time on my own and because I didn't, I didn't know where to go because all my friends, I'd left, I'd lost them due to my drug use and not through any fault of theirs. 

It was just me. And then I felt embarrassed to go back to them. And I didn't want to drink either. 

So we're really lost as to where to go. And then I remember being laid on couch. And you know, when you're in that state where you're not quite asleep, but you're not awake. 

And I woke up fuming because I just kept hearing this number over and over and over. And I thought it were a drug dealer's number. It wasn't, Stacey. 

It was my mum. Wasn't it? It was my mum's number. Yeah.

Hi, I'm just taking a quick break to thank you all so much for listening to the podcast and for all your lovely support. If this episode gave you something to think about or simply felt helpful, you can support future episodes and my tea habit over at Buy Me A Coffee. The link is buymeacoffee.com forward slash guide to spirituality. 

Every little bit helps me keep creating, sharing and growing this space. And I'm truly grateful. My mum's number. 

Yeah. What, like a phone number? Yeah. I was just seeing her number over and over. 

And I jumped up. I was like, for God's sake, it won't leave. And I was like, oh my God. 

That's my mum. Never. That was my first contact with spirit.

That's it, isn't it? It was my mum. And I know she was proud of me. Because I hadn't used for so long.

Yeah. I just knew. That's amazing that, isn't it? I love that.

Yeah. But then I've been speaking to a lady down the road, my friend, Debra. And she was really spiritual.

Yeah. And she started to teach me little things. She had loads of knowledge.

She started to teach me loads of things about being spiritual. I heard. It meant. 

And I kind of really leaned towards it. That researching and stuff like that. And then I wanted to go for a reading. 

Because I was frightened that my mum, my nan and my grandad would be really ashamed of. Yes. What you've done.

Yeah. And on the earth plane. They'd have killed me.

Yeah. Without a doubt. So that's what I was going on.

But. And Debbie said, oh, you should go for a reading, you know. And I was like, oh, I don't know. 

I don't know if I should. But because of number and my mum. That's where I went.

Where you went. Yeah. And when I got there. 

The basic message was, all three of them come through straight away. Yeah. And they said, we were the reason why you failed.

Okay. Be the reason you rise. So I'm like, right. 

No pressure then. And she said to me that I could do what she could do. And I was like, what? And yeah. 

So she basically said there were. She gave me a couple of options of online places where I could look. She said, and when you look on there, you'll find something for you. 

Just go with it. Anyway, I went back to this lady and I did a six week meeting session. Medium sessions. 

And I found out quite good here. Yeah. Although I didn't believe it at that point. 

But I really just did it so that I could speak to them. Yeah. And kind of not have such a big loss.

Yes. Annoyed the shorter. Yeah. 

And I never expected for it to go very much further than that, to be honest. Okay. You know, I just wanted it for me because, yeah, I didn't know. 

I don't know. I didn't even know who I was, but it was a beautiful thing. Yeah. 

And then that's where my spiritual stuff started. I did start doing readings for other people. I practiced with people from other side of the world.

So have you read for people? All of it. Tell me where. Yeah. 

So I went on this mediumship for beginners and I purposely wanted people who I didn't know. Yeah. Just, you know, because I found it really difficult to do it for people I did know.

Yeah. So I just practiced and just kept going and going and going. And then I started getting quite good feedback every time about, yeah. 

And they always, I noticed that the people that I read for, the things that I'd been through generally would pop up in them readings. Yeah. And so I learned like how things made me feel or they'd show me something that happened to me and I would have to, and I know that they did that because I'd recognize it.

Yeah. So you recognize in your life, things that are happening in others. Yeah. 

Yeah. And it always seems to be, I noticed it was people who needed some sort of healing. Yes.

Even though I wasn't doing healing at that point. Yeah. You needed something from that reading and usually how to help them, some way of helping them in some way. 

And because of that, then I started to do looking to Reiki and healing. Yeah. Yeah. 

And I now know that that were my guides because I needed to recognize my energy. Now I'd worked through the physical stuff. Yeah.

All the physical stuff. I'd had all the counseling, all the 3D counseling, I'd done all that. But I needed to start recognizing my own energy.

And because the thing is, is I was helping all these people in my life, but I was doing it from my own energy field in a sense. So when you, so if I'm not looking after myself. Yes.

And I'm helping everybody, whether that be physical, mental, or spiritual, your energy levels decreased rapidly. Yeah. It was massive. 

And so I started doing Reiki and it helped me understand quite a lot about energy and everything. But I did notice that after them sessions, I was still very tired. Drained, were you? Yeah. 

Drained. Yeah. And I shouldn't have been that drained.

Oh. I shouldn't have been that drained. So I did level one, I did level two, and then I just started healing myself before I started on other people. 

And then I did the Munikai with you. Yes. Yeah. 

We did that. The Munikai training. Yeah.

And that's when my healing stepped up. Yes. Right then, because the ancient healers of the Munikai, they came through my healing sessions and I had no clue what they were telling me to do, but they taught me to trust them.

Yeah. And so the healing was a lot stronger than what I'd ever felt with just the Reiki. I must admit, yeah, since mine, it's like, I can't explain it, it's like you just know, you just know that they're working through you.

Yeah. Well, they were showing me things like Reiki is one thing, but they were showing me how to do things very differently. It's from ancestors, isn't it? I love when the ancestors come in. 

I absolutely love that. The wisdom that you get through. Yeah, it's unbelievable. 

And they were showing me methods that I'd never heard of before. Yeah. I know I've had confirmation now from other Shamanic healers that that is the process.

Yeah. So my guides did lead me right and were telling me that the right things, even though I felt like a nutjob. Oh, yeah.

I felt like a nutjob because I've gone from this chav. So yeah. I put in invisible ropes out of people's feet.

You know? Yeah. Seeing things like that. This is it. 

We were in Nick six months ago and now we're bloody pulling ropes out of folks feet. You know what I mean? You look at that now and you look back, you must think this has been absolutely crazy. It's been absurd. 

What on earth has happened here? It is crazy, but it's, it was my saviour. That's it. Do you think that, like, I believe this, but do you think that Spirit have pulled everything back from you, so stripped you of everything? Even the closest part that you would absolutely need as a mum, as having your kids with you, they've stripped that away from you.

I said, look, Cheryl, love, you're on a road to ruin here. Let's get you where you should be. Do you feel that that was Spirit that did that? Yeah. 

And then even, they definitely did. 100%. Yeah.

100%. And that's what they meant in that reading. Let us be the reason you rise.

Yeah. That's what they meant. And then I've, I started to get quite a lot of health problems.

Yes. So I stopped healing on other people. Yeah.

And I cut back on the mediumship. And again, it was like a full circle. I had to go back to looking after me again.

Go back to basics again. Go back. And it's just like a spiral.

Yeah. I had to go back to looking after me again. And I did some work with Annie Conboy.

Yes. She's amazing, isn't she? I can hear you like. And she's helped me to... First of all, I did this course, it was called The Four Pillars of the Angelic Realm.

Now, I don't know why I said I'd do it, because angels, Christianity and all that, I don't, I think it's something to do with the past life, but I've never been drawn. No. I've never been drawn.

And Annie said it's because my wings were clipped. Yes. In a past life. 

But I went on this course and it, I'm sorry, Annie, but it's just sounded airy-fairy. And I'm like, oh yeah, I know what you mean. I'll just do it.

If somebody had said to me, do you want to do Four Pillars of the Angelic, I'd be like, no, thank you. Not really that fond of it as much. So I did it. 

It knocked me off my feet. Did it? Yeah. Yeah, it really did. 

It were about unconditional love and forgiveness, grace, all these words that would, you know, you think you know what they mean. No, you don't. No idea.

No, you don't. And when it comes to showing yourself unconditional love, I found it physically painful. Did you? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I did. And then the forgiveness were a massive thing for me as well, because not only, like I mentioned earlier about the kids, when I went to prison and I did all that, I didn't ever think that I'd be able to forgive myself for such a terrible thing.

Yeah. But now I forgive myself for being who I needed to be in survival mode. And that was massive.

Yeah. Absolutely massive. I don't hate myself anymore. 

You know, I don't. Self-taught still needs some work. Yeah.

You know, but again, I'm happy to be me. I am. I am. 

I am really happy to be me now. And I never thought that day would come. Like, I never, ever, ever thought that that day would come. 

I understand. Because of the forgiveness and the unconditional love and showing yourself grace, and there were a couple of other things as well, but they were the main ones for me. It made me understand the conditions that were placed on me as a child and all through my life.

And it also made me realize that when my family passed away, that it wasn't just the grief that got me. It was all my conditions had passed away too. Yeah.

So I had no clue. It was like, and then Annie's worked with me to bring my inner child back because the trauma from the past, it was like, I didn't know how to have fun. Yeah.

I didn't know. I don't know. Like, some people go out and have a laugh and I just feel like I'm stood real stiff. 

Like, and around normal people, I felt like I didn't fit in with them. Like, I just felt, I don't know what the word is, I felt pushed aside. And she made me understand all of that, every single bit. 

And it all stayed with me. And the trauma that you've been through and bringing that child back. And so in some situations now, I do feel like a child because I've never experienced it as me.

Never had it, never, yeah. No, never. And then I remember going, last year I went to Bingley and there were a Christmas band on and it was beautiful. 

They were all singing and there were a choir and I cried my eyes out. Did you? Yeah. Because I've never enjoyed anything like that.

Oh, shut up. I've never enjoyed anything like that and felt like I did that day. I've never liked Christmas.

No. I mean, and I think last year was the first time where I actually allowed myself to feel the joy of Christmas. The joy of it, yeah.

Which is very foreign to me. But yeah. And then I started doing, I thought I'd get back into doing readings and stuff again. 

And then that's when I came to you for help, because I'm like, I don't know what's coming through. I have no clue what this is. Yeah.

And then it turns out my guides are working with me again and working on something totally different now where they showed me a little story and I felt like a little storyteller. I didn't have a clue what they were telling me and it turned out it's about a person's past life. Then they're showing me how something from their past life has come through into this life.

Yeah. How to fix it. Mm-hmm.

And I've done another two now and it's been the same. So I have no idea what they've got in store for me. Well, you're happy just to let them work, aren't you? Just show me what you need me to do and I'm happy to do it.

Yeah. And I've built up a massive trust. Yeah.

And that's been- It has to be around trust, hasn't it? It has to be around trust. Yeah. Yeah. 

It really, really does. Trust is such a massive thing. And when you're self-doubt as well, if you don't trust yourself, it's hard to trust your guides.

Yeah. And the thing is, is that if you've then got issues from being a young kid, you've got inner child issues or you've got trauma that's unhealed, how are you ever going to trust yourself? How are you ever going to feel good enough to say, well, actually, I trust that what I'm getting is correct? A lot of people have the imposter syndrome, don't they? Where they go, well, who am I thinking that I could do this? And who am I thinking that I'd speak to spirit? Well, actually, that is trust between you and your guide, you and spirit, isn't it? So if you aren't got that there, you're always going to struggle. Yeah, definitely. 

Absolutely, 100%. But they're always there now. Sometimes I can't shut them up.

Yeah. You see, I love it, me. I love that constant conversation. 

And people say, don't you feel drained and stuff? Yeah, I do sometimes. And I become very ungrounded quickly because I'm always chatting, you see. But I love that connection. 

I love that I'll just ask a question and they'll give me an answer. It's that sort of thing. I love it.

Yeah, it's almost like I felt like there was something always missing in my life. And I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I know exactly what you mean.

Now, it's like, that's what it was. That's it. That's the missing piece.

It's you, isn't it? Yeah, part of you. Yeah, because it's part of you. Yeah, that was a massive thing for me. 

A massive thing. So looking at Cheryl today, have you, with the healing that you've done, I know I mentioned the health conditions earlier on. I don't want to know what they are and everything, but have you healed a lot of what was going on with you through healing the trauma? Yeah, the consultant's so confused.

I have symptoms of full-blown lupus, or I did have. They were awful. I did notice that when the energy levels were up, so were the symptoms. 

I sounded very much like a hypochondriac. One day, I was being sick. Other day, I had hives. 

Other day, I'd have swollen joints. But because you can only speak to a doctor now about one problem, I was getting sent all over the place. But yeah, like Annie says, when you get physical symptoms, it needs to be released.

It's gone now because it needs to be released. And yeah, I've hardly got any symptoms now. Don't get me wrong, I do have the odd day where I'm not good. 

But then when I went back to the consultant, he sended me to a specialist in Leeds because... It's like your medical location. It's like nothing's straightforward with you. Amazing.

They'll have a whole team of trainees around looking at you, probing you. I'm being used as a case study. Are you? By a dermatologist.

Are you? Yeah, because they're just so confused. My bloods don't match up to the symptoms. Don't they? So yeah, that's where we're at. 

But that's what it is. It's all about sitting. And it's Annie that I was working with through all that. 

And she was telling me what each symptom means, what it could be, how to get rid of it, how to work through it. And yeah, it's been an amazing journey. Absolutely amazing. 

I mean, God knows what they're going to say to me when I go back next week. But yeah, I was looking at going on immune suppressors. That would have been the option. 

But I don't need to. No, that's amazing, isn't it? Yeah, it really is amazing. So it's saved me again.

I do believe we can cure ourselves with like, there's a lot of illness that we can cure with healing. I don't mean like we bring a lot of it on ourselves. I don't mean that. 

But if we've got trapped trauma from when we're younger, we can have physical symptoms from it. People become very, very unwell, don't they? Yeah. So I put a post on my page a while ago, and there's a Chinese man or a Japanese man, I'm not sure of his name. 

I can't remember it. So what he did is he got loads of glasses of water. In each glass of water, he spoke a word, some were positive, like love, happiness, and the other ones were negative. 

Then he froze the water. And then you could see on the words that were positive, they looked like, you know snowflakes? They look beautiful, just like that. But the negative words were distorted.

And so I'm saying this because our bodies are 70% water. And so our self-talk has a massive, massive effect on our... It's a big impact on his life. Yeah. 

Yeah. And certain things like that, I'm just like blown away by it. And I actually think you can make yourself poorly, can't you? Everyone says that. 

And everyone accepts that as well, that you can make yourself poorly. But nobody believes that you can heal yourself. No, that's it. 

And his mum used to go, said to me, she'd go at doctors, my husband's mum, she'd go at docs and she'd say, I hate going at docs, it's full of poorly folk. I'd say, well, I know that's why they're in there. She went, yeah, but they all want to tell you how poorly they are, so they never get out. 

Doctors, they never get out because they always want to tell you how poorly they are. They're constantly ill. Do you know, it's that sort of, you know, you can't tell yourself there's something wrong with you. 

You make something wrong with you, don't you? Yeah, you definitely do. And I think healing is just, sometimes it's the simplest thing. Yeah.

It's the simplest thing, isn't it? Like, even when you get up in the morning and you're saying positive things and you change it, you know, your self-talk, you're not swearing at yourself for doing so much stupid anymore. Yeah. No, it changes so much. 

And I would, if you'd have told me that when I was going through my rough patch, you needed sectioning. Yeah. But I noticed that's how people are as well. 

People are willing to accept the negative, like you can make yourself poorer, but they're not ready to accept that actually. You can make yourself better. You can make yourself better too.

Yeah. If you just change your mindset a little bit or, you know, you look at ways that you really can help yourself, you can heal yourself. You know, I'm not saying that you would heal stage four cancer and this, that and the other. 

I don't mean it like that. No. But like, if you've got gut issues, looking at, like, I love herbalism, so looking at natural remedies and looking at things that are positive for you, for your body, you know, I've got a healthy gut and that sort of thing, you know, talking, talking positively, but being nice to yourself. 

And I don't mean like putting a bit of roast quarts in your bath and sunflower petals and thinking it's all fabulous. I mean, really telling, you know, really believing that you are important. You're a, you know, you're a good person, that sort of thing. 

It's that, isn't it? Yeah. And to love yourself. That's it.

To love who you are, but loving yourself is such a massive thing. Yeah. It's not just saying it. 

We can all say it, but you've got to believe it. And in this world, in this day and age, not many people do. No.

It's all about material things and the value of something. But one thing one person said to me is that the one person that we're going to spend the rest of our life with is ourselves. Yeah.

If that's the case, then why on earth are we loving our partners, our family and our friends more than that one person? And that's you. Why? It's true, isn't it though? Yeah. It's true, isn't it? Yeah. 

Yeah. Because we're always like wanting to know, you know, like, I don't know, say partner comes home and they're not in a good place. You're like, what's wrong? And you'll sit there for hours trying to work out what on earth is wrong with them.

Yeah. What about you? We don't ever do that about ourselves. No, we don't.

And I've just had to retrain myself to think about me. Yeah. And it's really been really hard, but I'm glad I did it.

So what's next for you? What are you doing next? What are your plans? Have you got any? Right, well, now I've worked on me, I've realized I'm petrified of being seen. Okay. So it's a massive thing to me to be seen. 

And it's a massive thing for me to do this video, this podcast. So recently I've, I'm good at mediumship. Yes.

And I want to be able to one day, Stacey Bower, join you on stage without feeling like I'm going to faint or my heart jumping up into my chest. So I've just joined a community singing group. Yeah.

Which is so daunting. I happen to do mediumship with you though, and you singing to a woman in the audience, because I think it was a nan or what have you, put a song in your head. Yeah, no, and I couldn't remember who sung it.

But you actually, I was like, I'm going to shut up and sing. I once did it and I sounded like I was being strangled. Well, I love music. 

I think that's another thing as well. But I'm doing it as well, because it raises your vibration. Yes.

Anything like that. But yeah, music, I love it, but it's not my forte. So I would have a quiet session, I would have a big concert.

Yeah, go on then. Sack it, let's do it. Oh, I love it.

But yeah, I think as well, spirit do communicate with music. Yes, very much so. They do communicate with music.

Yeah. And the group that I'm working with now, the lady who set up the group, she committed suicide. Never.

And do you know what? She was the most Vibrant. Did you do it recently? Yeah. Yeah, February.

Oh, God. So there's a much bigger mission now with this singing group. It's about raising awareness, because sometimes depression doesn't look how you think it does.

No, it doesn't. And all the women in that group, well, they all grieved. I didn't know for too long myself.

It was like six months. Oh. But she was amazing. 

You wouldn't have thought for one minute that there was something wrong or anything like that. But yeah, so we're all working together now as a much bigger thing. We've just been awarded some money to do a play, if you like, a play.

But with singing in it as well. How you going to do it, Cheryl? She loved it. That's what she loved.

I see. Yeah, so we're going to do that and then we're going to do it about Lisa's journey. Yeah. 

Oh, that'd be nice. And then, yeah, obviously raising awareness for mental health. So that's where I'm at now, but I don't know. 

Spiritually, I don't know where I'm going, but I'm just going with my guides lead. Just going with the flow. I'm just going with the flow, yeah. 

Because I dare say that spiral will come around again and I'll have another lesson to learn soon. Yeah. That's the thing with lessons, isn't it? There's never enough.

Yeah, well, I'll just do it now. So are you still offering readings and healing? Yeah, yeah. So if anybody wanted to get in touch with you and go, do you know what, I really fancy reading with Cheryl or healing with Cheryl, how would they get in touch with you? Just on Facebook, mediumship and healing with Cheryl.

Is it just Cheryl or is it Cheryl Siring? No, just Cheryl. Just Cheryl. Fine. 

Okay. And how long, Cheryl, just tell me quickly, how long have you been sober for now? Since 2019. 19. 

Six years. Yeah. Bloody well done lady.

Yeah. I hope, I hope, well I say I hope, when you look now, you must be incredibly proud of yourself. You must think, do you know what, from the absolute pits of shite, I've actually now, look what I'm doing, I'm in a bloody choir for God's sake.

I'm working with spirit. Do you know what I mean? You must now think, you know, what a journey that's been so far. I am really, really proud but I can't thank that all the people that were broken that I sat with, I don't think any lesser than people and that's one thing I'll never forget where I came from.

No. You know, and if anyone needs any help or anything then, you know, you can do it. I'm with you Ruth, you can do it. 

You don't even need help, like that help that they give you. You know, you can do it, you've just got to find yourself. Because the one thing people, why people use is because they're in pain.

That's it, it's the hurt, isn't it? It's that. Yeah. And you just need to heal. 

That's what it is. Oh, it's been amazing talking to you today Cheryl, thank you so much. Thank you, I was really nervous.

Don't be nervous. Honestly, when I talk to you sometimes, I'm like, she's done that, God, she's done that, oh gosh, she's done that, she's done other. And then you're like, yeah, yeah, and then I'm, you know, I'm in choir now and I'm helping at that theme centre and I'm doing this and I'm like, all right, it's madness.

But great madness. I love it. It is, I love life now.

You've just got to take it one slice at a time, ain't you? That's it, yeah. Oh, thank you so much, Cheryl. You're more than welcome, Stacey, thank you for that.

I'll speak to you again. Thank you so much for listening to me, Stacey Bower on Guide to Spirituality podcast. If you enjoyed this chat, feel free to follow, share or leave a review.

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