New Hampshire Has Issues

LGBTQ (& As) with Heidi Carrington Heath

• Liz Canada • Season 1 • Episode 9

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Why are people “suddenly” talking about transgender people? And books? And bathrooms? What does this have to do with New Hampshire?

In this episode, Liz and Heidi Carrington Heath (Executive Director of New Hampshire Outright) cover some of the frequently asked questions they've gotten about LGBTQ+ folks, especially transgender individuals and young people.  

Liz asks Heidi her favorite coming out story. Heidi, in turn, gives a big shout out to her mom (hi, mom!).

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SPEAKER_00:

I want to hear the best coming out story. Okay, listener, we're both queer folks. So let's start. Spoiler alert, gay things ahead. Surprise! This is a coming out episode as well. If you don't know that I'm gay, even though I talk about my wife Molly all the time. This is Breaking News.

SPEAKER_01:

Where's our banner? Breaking News. Liz Canada and Heidi Carrington-Heath.

SPEAKER_00:

Queer.

UNKNOWN:

Queer.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to New Hampshire Has Issues, the podcast that dares to ask, why is anyone thinking about bathrooms this much? All right, Heidi, how about yours?

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome to New Hampshire Has Issues, the podcast that dares to ask, who really gets to live free in the live free or die state?

SPEAKER_00:

So perfect. Well, I am your host, Liz Canada. And joining me today is the executive director of New Hampshire Outright, Heidi Carrington-Heath. Welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you for having me. I'm really

SPEAKER_00:

glad to be here. Tell me about your organization, New Hampshire Outright. What do you all do?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, so New Hampshire Outright is New Hampshire's oldest LGBTQ plus organization, and we serve, support, and advocate for LGBTQ plus youth and their families across the state of New Hampshire. 32 years ago, a group of parents and caregivers gathered at the University of New Hampshire and said, there's all these resources for parents and caregivers, but we're really lacking in resources for kids online. What can we do about that? And out of that initial conversation, then Seacoast Outright, now New Hampshire Outright was born. And I like to think we've held on to a little bit of that scrappy organizing spirit, even as we've grown over the years.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's give a little permission to a listener, because what I have learned in my time working in

SPEAKER_02:

New

SPEAKER_00:

Hampshire or working in advocacy spaces or just existing in this world is is that sometimes folks just don't understand because they have no experience, no firsthand experience. And so, listener, this is your permission and invitation that if this is the first time you have heard folks talk about transgender people, transgender girls, transgender boys, LGBTQ issues, great. I'm so glad you're here. That's incredible. So take it all in.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I will second that. Hi, listener. I'm Heidi. I use she, her pronouns. Welcome to this conversation. And totally agreed, Liz. In my experience working in New Hampshire and elsewhere across the country, I've been in LGBTQ plus movement work now for over 20 years. And when When folks don't understand something or something feels new or scary, they might have questions and feel like they can't ask them. Or they might feel, have a really hard time parsing out what's real, right? What is true versus what is a thing I've been told, or just not understand. And all of those things are okay. And we want to invite you to engage with us and listen and be part of this conversation from where you are. So welcome. We're glad you're here.

SPEAKER_00:

We are so glad you're here. We have a lot to cover.

SPEAKER_01:

We have a lot to cover.

SPEAKER_00:

We have a lot to cover, tragically. Let's start with a simple question. What is your favorite coming out story of your own self?

SPEAKER_01:

So I think I'll start at least with sort of my initial coming out story, both because I feel like it so deeply exemplifies who my mom is in the world and also a real trait of one young Heidi Carrington Heath. So my mother would tell you that I saved up all of my best and hardest conversations to have in the car.

SPEAKER_00:

That is such a kid thing to do for a parent. I'm going to wait and you're going to be trapped in this vehicle and I'm going to ask you questions. questions and there's nowhere you can run because you are driving it's so true oh my god

SPEAKER_01:

hi mom if you're listening

SPEAKER_00:

mom please listen we'll send it to her we'll make sure she gets the episode

SPEAKER_01:

So I came out initially my first year of college. You know, I had had moved out of home, gone away to school, sort of started to get a little bit of independence under my wing. And like a good late 90s or early 2000s after school special, I fell in love with my best friend at college.

SPEAKER_00:

Tale as old as time. Truly.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, at the end of this turned out to be straight, which so often happens. Tell us all this time.

SPEAKER_00:

Times two. Yes. Yes.

UNKNOWN:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01:

But she was also sort of my launch, as it were, into the world as a queer woman. And having that experience of falling in love for the first time and really coming to understand these feelings that I had had and not been able to put any language around. Because when we were younger, we had much less representation in books and media and classrooms. It was like, oh, that's why when all of my friends Yeah. Yeah. She'll

SPEAKER_00:

never crack the code. She'll never figure this one out. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01:

And so we were driving to the mall. One of my first weekends home from college, my first year of school, she was driving. She said to me, so... I have a question. And instantly, everything in my body knew what was coming. I was like, oh

SPEAKER_00:

boy. She wasn't like, where do you want to go in the food court? That was not the question she was going to ask. Should we define a mall for the listener? We'll let them look it up.

SPEAKER_01:

And she said, so... You've brought Susie, I'll call her Susie, you've brought Susie home with you a couple of times now. And I sort of sighed and said, yes, mom. And she said, and you're certainly, long pause, physically closer with her than you are with your other friends. Long pause. Yes, mom. Long pause. So I'm just wondering, are you more than friends? And I was like, yes, mom.

SPEAKER_00:

So she trapped you in the car for this one. Yeah. This is good. I

SPEAKER_01:

was like, I see you using my own tools here, Mama. And then she said the thing that I hope for every kid to hear when this conversation happens, however it happens, which is I just wanted to make sure you weren't not telling me because you worried that I wouldn't love you. Or you worried that I would be upset. Good job, Mama. Because I am not upset.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I do love you and I'll always be here for you. And like this, this is what I want for every kid when they come out as a parent or a caregiver on the other side of the conversation, ready to meet them there. I was, as 18 year olds really tend to be, I was very moody and a little annoyed about this conversation, but also felt very loved and very supported. So thanks, mom. I love you a lot.

SPEAKER_00:

Good job, mom. What a great model to put out there. My favorite coming out story. story of my own was with my best friend, not the best friend I was in love with from high school. I had been away at college. You know, when I would come back home, my friends and I would go to the diner that we always used to go to in high school, and we were drinking a Coffee at 10.30 p.m. I literally can't drink coffee now after 12 p.m. It's a danger zone. I will be up for three days if I do that. But we were drinking coffee and having fries with gravy. Welcome to New Jersey, everyone. We were sitting in the smoking section of the diner because she was a smoker and I... couldn't really even say the words out loud and i was like i am and i like just started like whispering it i'm like a lesbian and i wouldn't even use that word for myself now but like then in like 2001 whatever it was yeah same and her reaction was oh my god I've always wanted a lesbian friend. And I was like, you've had one. That's been me this whole time. Yay. So it was just extremely sweet. I was so nervous about saying it out loud. And I really hadn't ever said it out loud. And saying it to her was great. You and I grew up in an era where even coming out as queer folks, maybe I'll just speak for myself, was extremely nerve wracking and scary. And I was closeted for a long time. And coming out happens many times for people. Like when I got my first teaching job, I pretended to be straight for a while, like just flat out pretended to be a straight person because I was worried about folks finding out. And It kind of feels like in 2025, we're living in an era like that again. It feels quite a bit nerve wracking.

SPEAKER_01:

I would agree with you. I think, you know, when I think about the pieces of my own coming out that didn't go well, I really hoped that By now, we would be in a place where other young people wouldn't have to have the same kinds of conversations that you and I had to have then. You know, you and I both have a little bit of a religious

SPEAKER_00:

thread. A little?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, I have a thread. Perhaps you have maybe more of a tapestry, shall we say? A

SPEAKER_00:

head covering, if you will, of history.

SPEAKER_01:

Brilliant. But, you know, thinking about, for example, some of those conversations that at least on my end did Not go well. And I really, you know, I hoped for a world by now in which young people were able to navigate those conversations differently or be supported more effectively. And unfortunately, you know, we're just in a place where the pendulum has kind of swung back a little bit in ways that are hard and challenging.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

we should probably define the word transgender.

SPEAKER_01:

What does it mean to be transgender? So you might hear people use the word cisgender, and there's been some yelling about what that word means, but cisgender

SPEAKER_00:

really edits court. It's always a great place to start. How much are we yelling about a word?

SPEAKER_01:

So cisgender just means that you're assigned sex at birth. When you were born into the world and the doctor said it's a girl, that matches how you feel and how you navigate the world. folks who are transgender in any number of ways often their gender identity or gender expression don't always match their assigned sex at birth and that looks like a broad spectrum of things that can mean you are transgender there are folks who identify as non-binary so meaning they don't really identify as male or female there's a lot of ground there and I will just say it is a unique uniquely Western approach to gender that is as binary as the one many of us here in the United States are used to navigating. Many cultures the world over for a very long time have held a much more expansive view of gender and an understanding that gender is a spectrum rather than a binary. And we are still on our journey here in the Western world.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's Probably a good place to start is, what does the word transgender mean? The next place to go is, what does it mean to transition? Like, do you fill out a form? What form do you fill out to say, I have transitioned? How official is it?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So typically, when someone... begins to explore the possibility of a transition, that first begins socially. So they might experiment with what I would use the phrase gender expression. So when we talk about gender identity and gender expression at Outright, identity is your arrow that points inward. Expression is your arrow that points outward.

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh, I love that. Good way to describe it.

SPEAKER_01:

Outward arrow. And so they may begin to experiment with their outward arrow, their gender expression, how they dress, what they do their hair, makeup, jewelry. While I have not transitioned, as I came more fully into my own identity as an adult, one of the things I really grew into was a gender expression that feels like it fits who I am. So I wear my hair long. I love big jewelry. I wear a lot of pink. I am known to wear a bold lipstick on any given day. And all of those things for me are a piece of how I present myself to the world that feels like who I am and the story that I want to tell. And so similarly, that's often how folks start that process. They might experiment with clothes, hair, makeup, jewelry, etc. It's a social piece they might also invite folks they know and love to try on a new pronoun so they might say this is a thing I'm experimenting with please use they them pronouns for example just one example so those pieces are some of the ways that that journey begins I want to pause here to say this kind of exploration particularly among adolescents and teenagers very developmentally appropriate very normal and for some kids may mean a transition. For other kids, may not. And both of those things are wonderful and okay. And so as much space as we can make for kids to pick things up, try them on, set them down, pick something else up, try it on, set it down, all of those things, really important to helping create healthy containers for our kiddos to grow and develop and become whole people, not just LGBTQ plus kids. So the social piece is is the first piece. For kids who grow into some clarity with their parents, usually with a mental health provider, that they might like to engage in a conversation about medical transition, the next step would be to meet with a gender-affirming care specialist, typically a pediatric endocrinologist who is trained in gender-affirming care, who is we'll open up a conversation about what we might call HRT or hormone replacement therapy options, and that includes puberty blockers. So again, there's been a lot of yelling about puberty

SPEAKER_00:

blockers. So much yelling.

SPEAKER_01:

So much yelling. And what a puberty blocker is at its core, I am not a doctor, I only play one on TV, so this is as much as I'm going to say about this, is it is a medication prescribed by a trained physician that delays And you can imagine if you were an adolescent or an early teenager who is struggling with questions around your gender identity, that inward facing arrow, and you want some time and space to continue to go to therapy, to explore those things, to pursue appropriate medical care with your provider, your parent, your caregiver, and your support system, that's a great tool to be able to say, we will hit pause so you can you have the time and the space you need to pursue appropriate medical care and appropriate supports. So that's how that journey begins, is it begins socially. It begins with the people around you, pronoun use, gender expression. Name, sometimes a name. Name, sometimes. Again, I can't tell you the number of adolescents and teenagers I know who've picked up and tried on a name two or three times before they find the right one or go back to– Whatever their birth name was, or in some cases, try one on and say, oh, there it is. Like, that's my name. That's the name that fits me. And for some kids, they then pursue medical care, which is age appropriate, rigorously vetted gold standard care, or They may not. And both of those things are okay and good and healthy. But we want every kiddo to have access to the care that they need to be whole and fully there.

SPEAKER_00:

There are folks who are transgender who have not had surgery and will never have surgery.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

There are individuals who are transgender who have not been on hormone therapy and will never be on hormone therapy.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

And there are people who are transgender who have not changed their name and will never change their name.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right.

SPEAKER_00:

So what I'm saying is the paperwork would be too complicated to be able to say, I am officially. Too many checkboxes. It would be too challenging to mark it all off. So what is the deal with... with people and how they view transgender folks. What is happening out there, Heidi?

SPEAKER_01:

I really believe a piece of what is happening right now is the moral panic of our moment. We've seen this happen over and over again through the years. We've seen this targeted at gay and lesbian folks. We've seen this targeted. We're seeing this in a deep, profoundly harmful way with immigrant and refugee communities and folks who are not white right now. And this particular group, Transgender kids in particular certainly impacts on trans adults I want to be really clear I know this is this impacts trans folk of all ages but my heartbeat in this work is kiddos and so I will you know we'll say for young people in particular I also really think there's a piece here about these folks are a little bit powerless you know in the sense that they can't vote they can't impact decision making they are under the care of an adult essentially here and so So it is very easy in some ways for folks in power to say, well, we don't want this to happen. We're afraid of it. So we're going to target you and make these decisions because there isn't anything you can do to fight back to us. I think there is also a piece here that trans folk, especially transgender young people, really scare some adults because there are folks who are significantly more comfortable with there is pink and there is blue and there is nothing in between there is A and there is B there is no gray space in the middle and trans folk especially trans young people are showing us that another world is possible they are showing us that in fact gender is a spectrum that identity is a beautiful collage of possibility and it is exploding the binaries that many of us as adults learn to live our lives by and if you're not prepared for that It's terrifying. I want to be really clear that is not a justification. That does not mean what is happening is okay. But I do think that's a factor here. I think there's a real group of adults looking at these kids who are like, oh boy, suddenly everything I thought I knew feels very shaky and totally undone. And I don't know how to cope with it. So let's put it back in the box. These are children. We have really reduced this group as a whole to a political casualty or a set of political talking points. And I never want that for any group of people, but especially so for a group of kids. And so there's a lot of belief, right, that transgender girls are infiltrating sports teams or posing a risk to other kids' safety as one example. And And those things just aren't true in the way that they're being talked about. They want the same things that kids you listener might know and love also want. And they're actually not scary at all. They're incredible, funny, thoughtful, vibrant, sometimes awkward teenagers like all of us are or were. Every teenager. I

SPEAKER_00:

want to talk about some of the questions people have asked you and me. Okay. Before we get into the weeds of what is happening in New Hampshire specifically, maybe we need to answer some of these questions that folks have asked. We've done presentations together and we've set up the presentation as like, we know you are going to have questions and you can ask us and we're not going to yell at you. Bonus. Not only can you ask us the question, but we're not even going to yell at you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Because people genuinely... Right. And a lot of folks have good intentions and just maybe don't have the language yet or, again, don't have the experience or the firsthand knowledge. And so we're on a podcast and we wouldn't yell at you in person anyway. Not every queer person feels this way, folks. Not everyone is going to take the questions. But Heidi and I do.

UNKNOWN:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

And we will. And so I think maybe we can answer some of these questions here on the pod. What do you think? I

SPEAKER_01:

love it. Let's

SPEAKER_00:

do it. Let's do it. Let's maybe start with an easy one. Why are we suddenly hearing about transgender people so much? Where do they come from? I never heard about it before.

SPEAKER_01:

Listen, we have great data. If you look over, particularly if you break down generationally, how many folks identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, we have some increasingly good data that generationally those numbers have increased, right? As you look at younger generations, particularly I would say millennials, Gen Z, the generation behind Gen Z, I never get their marker right. So young people, I love you so much. Don't ask me what your generation is.

SPEAKER_00:

You'll tell us, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01:

It is because we have created a culture in which folks feel safe and able to be seen and have access to the supports that they need. And when you do that, numbers naturally increase because folks feel safer to live fully as who they are and to be out in the world. So it isn't actually that there are more people. It is that there are more people who feel safe, seen, heard, and able to be themselves. There was a similar–

SPEAKER_00:

feeling when folks started coming out as gay lesbian queer of like suddenly where did all these gay people come from it's like they were always here but we're you know as we have evolved as a society there have been more That's right. Amen. All right. That was the first question. That was an easy one. I'm going to start throwing you curveballs, Heidi. Get ready. Okay. All right. Here's another one we've heard a lot. When I was young, I was confused about a lot of things. Aren't you afraid that pushing kids to do things like take hormones would be too soon before they really know who they are? Shouldn't we be worried that kids are going to make decisions before they really even know who they are yet?

SPEAKER_01:

That's a great question. And I think folks sometimes bristle when they hear people ask a question like this, but I think it comes from, most of the time anyway, it comes from a well-intended place. So I want to say a few things. The first of which is I just want to be really clear. No one is pushing children into medical care that they don't need or that is not appropriate for them. I'll invite you to talk to any number of trans young people and they will tell you about the many, many appointments that they have and the many, many times they go through what it would mean, for example, to start a puberty blocker and all of the conversations and questions that have to happen there. So I just want to say that first. Second, listener, I want to invite you to just go inward for a minute and to think about your own growing up experience. How old were you the first time you felt like someone really didn't understand you? How old were you the first time an adult in your life you felt like really didn't get you or really didn't know who you were? Just sit with that question for a minute. Because I suspect for a lot of us, we really, really reflect there. We were pretty young, probably, the first time that that was true. And so we, if we are given the supports and given the room to know ourselves as even very young people... we often have a lot of clarity about who we are or what we hope for or what we want in life. And so I am a firm believer that giving kids great scaffolding, great supports, and great care helps them to grow up to be whole and healthy young adults and adults. And that may or may not look like it did when they were six. That's true for all of us. But I think this question, right, is really rooted when people ask me this question, what I hear them saying to me is, I really care about kids. And I'm really worried about what's happening here, again, because there's a lot of rhetoric and things flying around out here. And in my best moments, one of the things I might say back is like, hey, I hear you really care about kids. I really care about kids, too. Can we start there? Like, can we start from a place of I see you're careful? If we let

SPEAKER_00:

people use bathrooms based on their gender identity, won't men pretend to be women to go into women's bathrooms?

SPEAKER_01:

That's a very casual, easy question, Liz.

SPEAKER_00:

Classic, simple question. No

SPEAKER_01:

layers there at all. Okay. So the first thing I'm going to say, and I'm going to preface this by saying how I respond here may sound pretty direct and or a little bit flip almost, and I don't intend for it to sound like I'm blowing off the question. But if an adult man is in any way using an identity to get into a women's room to cause harm, what What folks are actually worried about there, or what folks are actually afraid of there, is the behavior of cisgender men. That actually doesn't have anything to do with trans folk, and in particular, trans women. That is about someone behaving in a predatory way. And what you are worried about there is the behavior of a man. That is not about someone trying to use the bathroom that most appropriately aligns with their gender identity. It's about causing harm, period. Every single transgender person that I know wants to go to the bathroom, use the restroom in peace, wash their hands, and be on their way without being harassed. Harassed or often without talking to other people. I don't know about you. I don't like to chat with people when I'm

SPEAKER_00:

in the bathroom. I do not want to go into a bathroom with someone I know in general. Correct. There's no need to do any chit chat. That's right.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. And so the same is true for our trans kin. And I would say acutely so in this era when safety may feel really more challenging or they may feel like it is unsafe. Right. to use a restroom in public. But yet what you are worried about in that example, folks, is the behavior, the predatory behavior of, in this case, men who are looking to cause harm that doesn't actually have anything to do with transgender women. And to my knowledge, at least in the state of New Hampshire, I am not familiar with any examples of folks feigning identity to get into a bathroom or a locker room, etc.

SPEAKER_00:

When you are talking about passing laws that ban transgender individuals from using the bathroom that corresponds with their gender, you're setting them up to be in an unsafe situation. And it does not actually solve the problem that you think might exist.

SPEAKER_01:

That's right. It solves actually no problems

SPEAKER_00:

at all. No problems solved. And

SPEAKER_01:

creates more problems.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Creates problems, solves zero problems is what's happening with those types of laws. All right. Let's go back to kids. With all this transgender talk, Are we confusing kids in schools? Like if we talk about transgender people and families that have two moms or two dads, if we're doing those things in schools, aren't we confusing kids? If we're talking about this in schools, are we making kids transgender?

SPEAKER_01:

We sure

SPEAKER_00:

are

SPEAKER_01:

not, is the answer to your question. All the data tells us that kids have better outcomes in the classroom when they see themselves represented in the content that's being taught. Whether that is about racial identity, sexual orientation, gender identity, family composition. I say that as a kid who came from a single parent household. And at the time I was in school, very little actually representation in books, movies, et cetera, of households that looked like mine. Thankfully, that's much more true now. We have good data now that tells us kids do better in school when they see themselves represented in what's happening in the classroom. Nothing that's happening in a classroom is making a kid a particular identity. And I, again, I'm going to assume a best intention here, right, that somebody might ask that question and genuinely wonder. Yeah. reading this book or seeing this movie or experiencing this content in the classroom and I just wonder about this and just know that People who are much smarter than me have researched this and looked into it, and we know really clearly the only thing it does is create a sense of safety and well-being, which helps kids learn better and helps them be more fully who they are. I'll also just say that the flip side of that question is if there are not books in a classroom that represent someone's identity, family, etc., it will also not make a kiddo not those things. It will not make a kiddo not queer or not trans. it will just cause further feelings of isolation or a worry that something is wrong with them.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. The other thing I will say is, as a former teacher, getting my students to do their homework was a large task. Having them submit their essays on time was a task. That's right. Asking them to take notes from the board, if it's on the board, I want you to write it down in a notebook, was a task. So I am in complete agreement that just having a book or reading a story or talking about queer folks is not going to then make the students happy. queer that is not how that works all right well we get into the sports question it is a big big question that comes up a lot

SPEAKER_01:

ready

SPEAKER_00:

why should transgender girls play sports on girls teams are girls going to be unsafe if transgender girls are on their teams or competing against them

SPEAKER_01:

So firstly, transgender girls should participate on girls' sports teams because transgender girls are girls, period. Now, what often underlies that question, in my experience, are two things. Concerns about safety and concerns about fairness. I'm going to start there because you and I both know and love... A couple of very tall boys.

SPEAKER_00:

Very tall.

SPEAKER_01:

One of whom in the sixth grade was nearly six feet tall and would step onto a sports field and be a literal head and shoulders.

SPEAKER_00:

Minimum. Above every

SPEAKER_01:

other kid. Like could pick him out from across a ball field. Yes.

UNKNOWN:

And that's in some ways, someone might say that's not fair.

SPEAKER_01:

There might be a kid on the team who has had access to paid sports. Private coaching or lessons because they have more financial resources. They will never be fully balanced. They will always be unfair. And so there's that piece, and that often goes in conversation with this safety piece, right? Like, well, this girl who plays on this team, because, for example, someone might worry she did not go through this same puberty process as someone who was assigned female at birth. So there's a safety concern there, right? And again, I would suggest to you that the girls on that team will face any number of competitors who may be taller than them, bigger than them, etc. But also, there's also often there a lack of understanding about actually what the medical process is for a transgender girl who is still in her puberty and teenage years. Typically, most trans girls are starting a puberty blocker before they enter into what society might talk about as a male puberty process. And so there isn't, for example, a skewed or disproportionately large amount of testosterone or things that people may be concerned about there. Listen, listener, we might be giving you more information than you want to know here, but I am approaching perimenopause. And I am just here to tell you that estrogen is not a performance enhancing drug, folks. I say that to

SPEAKER_00:

say... We can do an ad for perimenopause. I love talking about perimenopause. There are signals that you might start needing to think about perimenopause. One of them being, if you went to the mall in the 90s.

SPEAKER_01:

If you went to the mall.

SPEAKER_00:

It might be time to start thinking about perimenopause.

SPEAKER_01:

I say all of that to say... There's both a lack of understanding, I think, truly sometimes around the scientific pieces and the medical pieces, but also if it were really about safety, if it were really about fairness, we would be talking about all of these other pieces. And interestingly, we never do. This

SPEAKER_00:

used to be. That the school districts or the sports association for the state or for the league, they have policies and rules because they know the kids who are playing. They know these individuals and the transgender girls who are playing sports. The very few number of transgender girls who are playing sports, very few, all their friends know that they are girls. Their teachers know they're girls. Their coaches know they're girls. Their parents know that they are girls. And to say that they can't play on the girls' team is, in some cases, effectively outing them as transgender because some transgender girls do not need to come out as transgender because they're only known as girls and forcing them to play on a team that has nothing to do with who they are if they were forced to play on boys' teams. That's right. So there were... Policies set at the local level in a state where we care so much about local control. There used to be policies like that. And there has since been a state ban on transgender girls being able to play on girls' teams in middle school and high school. So, Heidi, I invited you here because the podcast is called New Hampshire Has Issues. What's the issue? What are we facing in New Hampshire when it comes to the LGBTQ plus community?

SPEAKER_01:

Very calm legislative season, nothing going on. Just kidding. That was a joke. So we're in a really hard chapter in New Hampshire. I won't lie to folks here. The last couple of legislative sessions in particular have been really difficult. Last legislative season, we saw the first anti-trans bill in New Hampshire history. Two of them signed into law. And going into this session, we knew it would be tough, and it was. It's been very, very difficult and painful. We have bills right now. that are headed to the desk of Governor Kelly Ayotte. As of today, Friday, July 4th at 1.07 p.m., she has not yet acted on those bills, HB 377 and HB 712, both of which seek to restrict age-appropriate, well-vetted medical care for minors in conjunction with their parents and caregivers. It's really painful and difficult, and we're seeing a number of bills targeting things like classroom curriculums books, HB 324, also on the way to the governor's desk is functionally a book ban. It would allow anybody for any reason, including folks who don't live in your school district to challenge a book within that district. There are real risks to our educators. And so right, all of these things go hand in hand, because they are all a coordinated attack on multiple marginalized identities on folks, on black folks, brown folks, immigrants, Mm-hmm. Like we are the live free or die state. We are a state who has prided ourselves for many, many years on live and let live and protecting individual liberties. And this is not that. Like we can, you know, we certainly can no longer say we are the state that values local control and individual freedoms while passing this kind of legislation that is frankly not from New Hampshire. It's all part of a national

SPEAKER_00:

playbook. You mentioned the bans on health care for patients under 18 who have parental consent. All of this health care requires parental consent. That's right. The book ban that is on its way to the governor's desk as of when we're recording this on July 4th. And there's also a bill that would allow businesses to discriminate against transgender people, adults, from using the bathroom that they would typically use based on their gender. Why is this happening in the live free or die state?

SPEAKER_01:

So there's a few factors at play here. You know, the first of which is what I mentioned before. This is a national playbook. This is legislation we are seeing trotted out in state houses around the country, bankrolled and funded by national organizations who seek to legislate trans people out of public life. We did not originate this move here in New Hampshire. This is coming from well-funded national movements. In New Hampshire, we have a particularly tricky calculus here with Great.

SPEAKER_00:

Subscribe

SPEAKER_01:

to New Hampshire's Got Issues and make that a priority listen, because it's a huge piece of the political landscape in the last five years, especially in New Hampshire. And then the third thing I will name here is this national movement around white Christian nationalism that we have certainly seen at play here. here in New Hampshire, particularly over the last number of years, as well, which is really rooted in the belief that America was founded as a white Christian nation. Spoiler alert, that is not the case. And so anybody who falls outside of a narrowly defined set of ideals and beliefs, etc, is deemed out of order. And so these are folks who really seek to try to to build the country in their own image, so to speak, rather than honor the values of our founders who came here seeking freedom from tyranny and freedom to worship, etc. But the white Christian nationalism piece has had a profound impact on New Hampshire. And I'll just give a shout out to our colleagues at the New Hampshire Council of Churches and others who are really doing some work in this arena to educate and combat what's been happening here.

SPEAKER_00:

What are people supposed to do, Heidi? It's July 4th, 2025. We've got these anti-transgender, anti-LGBTQ bills heading to Governor Ayotte's desk. We don't know when they're going to arrive at her desk, to be clear. A listener has just heard these questions and answers, and the wheels are turning.

SPEAKER_01:

Now

SPEAKER_00:

what?

SPEAKER_01:

So I'm going to give you three action

SPEAKER_00:

steps here. One.

SPEAKER_01:

You may call or email Governor Ayotte if you are able to call. I will encourage you to do that. 603-271-2121. The ACLU of New Hampshire also has some tools around these bills that will help prompt you through how to send an email. So shout out ACLU. We'll link those in the show notes. But please contact Governor Ayotte assuming these bills have not already been signed at the time this goes to air. Number two, if you are looking to tangibly support LGBTQ plus youth and their families in New Hampshire. I will invite you to donate to New Hampshire Outright, particularly to our mutual aid fund. This is new work that we are doing this year that meets tangible needs for LGBTQ plus young people and their families in New Hampshire. These are small gifts given to meet a direct need, whether around healthcare, clothing, summer camp, the list is long. So You can find that information on our website, nhoutright.org. Those are your first two. Your third action step is actually read Abby Maxwell's book. If you are looking for a real-life story of a parent and a kiddo based here in New Hampshire that cuts through the noise and that tells a real story in a way that is accessible, please pick up Abby's book, One Day I'll Grow Up and Be a Beautiful Woman.

SPEAKER_00:

Three actions. One of them will take you about five minutes. The second one will take you about two minutes. And the third one depends on how fast you read, but it will be worth it for sure. It's an excellent, excellent book.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, the thing I'll close with, we've sort of touched on this a little bit. And I just want to say as somebody on the ground who sees and knows and loves and works with trans kids. They are awesome, exceptional, beautiful, funny, smart kids. And they are kids that you know and kids that you love, that you see in the local grocery store, that go to school with your kids, that work the counter at your ice cream shop, that hand you your book at the public library, and on and on. And so if you find yourself getting caught in these talking points, these are real kids. And the kids in your community need to see You. Yeah. And that for me is the shift from acceptance to belonging, right? When you anticipate before there is ever someone right in front of you, how can I care for this person? How can I make them safe? How can I communicate that I'm an ally and I want to be on your team?

SPEAKER_00:

Heidi, we debunked a lot of myths. And I will invite the listener. If you have a question that we haven't covered, send it in. I'm happy to answer questions to the best of my ability. Actually, that's why I have this whole podcast, right? Like it's kind of my thing. If you have a question and you're like, oh man, I wish they had covered this. Like just send me an email. New Hampshire has issues at gmail.com. It is okay. I answer every email that I get. I'll tell you that. Unless you're hostile. I'm not going to answer that.

SPEAKER_01:

Once a teacher, always a teacher.

SPEAKER_00:

Truly. I've told my students that back when I was a teacher. I was like, once you're English teacher, I am always your English teacher. It's just the reality. The other great story, of course, is telling my cousin that I was gay and her immediate reaction was, I should have known because when we were in middle school, you said you had a crush on Jim Carrey and nobody has a crush on Jim Carrey.

SPEAKER_01:

I had forgotten about that one. Having listeners, I have met Liz's cousin who is incredible and I can hear that in her voice.

SPEAKER_00:

She still brings it up. No one has a crush on Jim Carrey. I should have known.

People on this episode

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Liz Canada

Host
Head Shot

Heidi Carrington Heath

Guest

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