I Guess I’m an Adult Now...
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I Guess I’m an Adult Now...
I Guess Some Friendships Aren’t Meant to Last Forever - Ep 04
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Friendship breakups hit differently than romantic ones, yet we rarely discuss the genuine grief that comes when someone who picked you up after every heartbreak is suddenly gone from your life. Whether it's an intentional separation, a natural drifting apart, or the painful experience of being "quiet quit" on without explanation, these endings leave their mark.
Remember, we don't have unlimited access to people in our lives. Each relationship deserves intentionality, accountability, and grace. How are you showing up in your friendships ? What changes might strengthen your most valued connections?
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What's up y'all? I am back with another episode, and today we're going to be talking all about friendship. Yeah, the highly discussed friendship. I feel like this is such a hot topic these days, and as it should be, because we are human beings and we need community and friendship is very important. And yeah, so I really want to talk about the reality that the reality of just realizing friendships don't last forever. You know, I feel like as we get older, we go through friendship breakups and just different experiences with different friends and it's just like, wow, you really don't be friends with people forever. People that you thought you would like do life with all of a sudden are nowhere to be found. So, yeah, I kind of just want to talk about that today because personally, I'm a girl's girl, so I love having friends. I just love it. Like I.
Speaker 1:I'm also very extroverted now, which is interesting because I wasn't always extroverted but I'm a people person. I like getting to know people, I love getting to know people's stories and because of that I kind of can make friends pretty easily. Now, how deep the friendship goes is a whole nother story, but either way, I can make friends pretty easily. But that does, low-key, get me in trouble sometimes because I'm realizing now that, especially as I'm getting older, like you, really do have to be intentional about the people that you have around you and even if you have a good time with somebody you know you could do a good kiki, it's not everybody. It's not everybody that can be in your space all the time and that you can call a friend. So, yeah, I feel like it's important to recognize the season that you're in, right and where you're going and really reflecting if the people around you and the people you're calling friends align with that. So, yeah, I've definitely.
Speaker 1:I am no stranger to friendship breakups, whether I'm the one breaking up with people or people are breaking up with me. It's actually so funny. I've actually, like I recently had a friendship breakup and it's just like it's funny when I think about it, because why are we breaking up with each other? But at the same time, there's nothing wrong with that, right, because I think friendships are a type of relationship and it's not every relationship that stands the test of time. Friendship breakups or not, it doesn't for me deter me from having friends or making new friends. I know some people kind of have like friendship trauma and we'll get into that. But I don't know.
Speaker 1:I feel like having disagreements, experiencing friendship breakups, you know, and conflicts and things like that, that is a sign that you are living life, babes, like you're living life, you are dealing with people. There's going to be conflicts, there's going to be times when y'all realize, you know what, we are not aligned, we don't need to be friends anymore, and there's going to be times where you have incredible deep, meaningful friendships with people and it's great. So I feel like, you know, sometimes we and I can put myself in this category too but sometimes we just want to steer clear from the idea of friends when we've experienced trauma with people. But it's a sign that you're living life, honey, enjoy it. So you know, I can say this now, now that I'm post friendship breakup.
Speaker 1:But, funny enough, I feel like friendship breakups are we don't talk about how friendship breakups are low key feel like romantic breakups, like they are heartbreaking, so heartbreaking, especially when there's somebody that you were really, really good friends with and y'all are no longer friends for whatever reason. You go through a mourning period. You really do grieve the person and it's a very interesting phenomenon, I think, because it's just like you would think this is only for romantic relationships, no, no. And it makes sense, honestly, because your friends sometimes they're the people that pick you up, you know, after the man or the woman comes around or after you get out of that relationship, like they're the ones that are still there, so they're the ones you're doing life with. So it makes sense. When they're no longer there, it's like there's this space that they used to fill that they no longer feel. So you grieve that. Yeah, I feel like something we also don't talk about is recognizing if you are a good friend, because we don't like to do that, we like to blame other people for friendship breakups or whatever. But I think in this conversation we also need to be accountable, right? Are we good friends to people? Are you or are you not?
Speaker 1:I wanted to talk about this because I actually just came off of a friend retreat and literally me and two of my girlfriends we had gone up to upstate New York and we, like had a little, rented a little cabin and it was. I didn't even. We just did it because we wanted to celebrate one of our friends birthday, one of my friends birthday and it ended up being like a friend check in because I mean, we're there for three days by ourselves in the woods. You're going to talk about things, right, and you're going to check in on friendships and one of my friends, she was just like. She asked us like how are you doing, like what's going on in your life and how can I better show up for you as a friend, um, with what you're going through right now?
Speaker 1:And I thought that was just so profound, honestly, because I think as friends, sometimes we can assume that we know, like we just have this unspoken thing with friends sometimes, where we're just like we, we get each other right, we, we know what's going on, we get it. But no, you have to communicate with your friends, you have to let them know what's going on, you got to let them know what you need in this season. And it was really nice, it was refreshing, um, and it showed me just how intentional she is about even keeping the friendship, because I think sometimes we're quick to cut people off because of one thing or another, but we don't talk about the signs, the green flags of friendships, right, and I think that's one of them when somebody asks you like how can I continue to show up for you? Like that was so sweet and it made me think about me and how I could be better at checking in with my friends in that way and making sure I'm meeting their needs however best I can. So, yeah, but let's talk about that was cute. That was actually very cute. I'm going to sit in that for a second. That was lovely. Yeah, see, and I wouldn't be able to experience that if I was just like you know what All women suck.
Speaker 1:I'm not being friends with nobody, no more was just like you know what All women suck. I'm not being friends with nobody, no more. Because some of y'all make not having female friends your whole personality. Babes, we need to heal. No, but seriously, I get it though. Trauma is real. Friendship trauma is so, so real. So let's actually talk about that. Let's talk about friendship breakups real quick.
Speaker 1:So I think there's many reasons why a friendship kind of dissolves, whether it's a very intentional breakup where either you or the other person is like I no longer want to be friends. Then there's just the natural separation that happens when maybe you guys are no longer in close proximity with each other, which those can still be heartbreaking too right, because it's not like anything happened, but you just grew apart. Then there's the ones where the friends just kind of stop communicating with you and you don't really know why, and maybe you've reached out and they don't respond to you. Those, I feel like, are the worst types, because so many things go unsaid and there's just no closure, there's no understanding. But that happens and I think that happens a lot quite literally. Well, maybe not quite literally, but I think that happens a lot, especially in our in the day and age we're in, we're cutting people off and blocking people is very rampant.
Speaker 1:And listen, I have to admit I definitely used to be a part of the ones that would cut people off. Did I used to cut off friends? I don't think I've ever. I do that usually with, like men, actually, maybe not so much friends, I think friends I'm more willing to like communicate or like try and talk it out a little bit before I then cut you off. But yeah, I think we're in a time and day and age where cut off culture and cancel culture is a very real thing and it happens with friends too, a very real thing and it happens with friends too.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I want to talk about the first time, or at least the earliest friendship breakup that I had, at least that I can remember I remember it was in college and I had broken up with said person. I think this was the first time that I like intentionally broke a friendship off. And yeah, we were really cool. She was like one of my first friends in college and, you know, we had a good time with each other. But I started realizing that she was really negative, like just very negative. There were a lot of things that I didn't like whether she would pick me apart or pick other people apart and it got to a point where I was just like, wait a minute, I don't, I don't want this energy around me anymore. Like I don't, I can't do this anymore. I don't know, I just feel like, you know, it's bad when you can tangibly feel somebody else's energy bringing you down too. So, yeah, um, I don't remember what was the tipping point, but oh, we lived together. Yeah, that'll do it. We lived together.
Speaker 1:And yeah, there was just a lot of things that happened that were not cool, that I didn't like, and not to say that it was only their fault, but yeah, it was enough for me to sit them down and go. Hey, babe, I think I am good off of this friendship. I don't remember exactly how I said it, but I was very clear about the fact that I didn't want to be friends anymore. And yeah, I would never forget, though, when I did that, I literally felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders, like insane, and that is so telling. That is, I feel, like that's a big, big sign, like when you finally release them and you feel lighter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so that was my first experience breaking up with somebody that was a friend and I've also been broken up with. I can laugh in hindsight, but in the moment it actually wasn't funny, because I think what happens is your ego can get involved too, because it's like how dare you, let me go? You know, but people are allowed to choose whether they want you in their lives or not. The two times that I've been broken up with, though, they actually did not give me the courtesy of letting me know why, which is why I say I feel like it is very common for people to just kind of cut people off, or there's this thing of quiet quitting. I don't know if you guys have ever heard of that, but it's essentially when you just like quit something quietly, like you don't even talk about it, you just remove yourself. So, yeah, low key, they quiet quit on our friendship and it was always, for both instances actually, I had to reach out and kind of ask like what, what happened? And it's crazy because both of them did not give me a response. Oh my god, it's actually insane, those two experiences, like I definitely felt grief about the loss of the relationship and I think that's okay.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with giving yourself, just processing how you feel about somebody no longer wanting to be there for whatever reason, because I think sometimes we or at least for me, let me speak for myself Sometimes I'll do this thing where I'll act like it doesn't bother me. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that I cared, but it's like there's nothing wrong with caring and having feelings and if somebody disappoints you, if someone hurts you, it's okay to admit that to yourself. At the end of the day it's upsetting, like it is an upsetting thing and there's nothing wrong with that. And here's the thing also about removing yourself from a relationship and never like telling the other person. I'm not saying that you have to every single time. You're obviously going to have to use your own wisdom and discernment if that is necessary. Sometimes you don't even know why you're leaving the relationship either. You just leave. So there's that.
Speaker 1:But If you do have the opportunity, right to, or choice to, let the other person know why you are, you no longer want to be friends or, you know, want to take some space or separate. Whatever it's the thing about not telling somebody is, it creates space for the other person to now create a narrative as to why you left and you never get to clarify that because you never said anything. So in the two scenarios where friends have quiet quit on me, I can only assume why they did, but I don't actually know why. And most of the time my therapist actually said this most of the times the assumption is wrong, right, whatever story you create in your head as to why they are no longer in your life, you can, you know, give an educated guess all you want, but more likely than not, it's going to be incorrect. So if you know, you do have the choice to let somebody know you should.
Speaker 1:That actually happened with me recently, where I had to separate myself from somebody and although it was tough, because one thing about me if I can avoid conflict, I will. I will, I'm working on it and, yeah, I wanted to avoid it so bad, but it was. I think it's courtesy, honestly, to let somebody know that you no longer want to be as close and there are ways to say it where it's not rude and also you kind of can't. You're not going to be able to control how the other person takes it, but you can control how you deliver the message Right. So more like, like, depending on how close you are and just the respect level that you have for said person, like you should talk to them, like you should give them a call and, you know, have your points already set.
Speaker 1:One thing about me I need to think about what I'm going to say before I say it, cause if not, it's going to come out the wrong way. So, yeah, but I let them know like, hey, I'm going through, I'm in a certain season in my life, essentially, where you know the type of people that I this is not how I said it low key, but in. In summary, I'm in a certain season in my life and I just need to be separate from certain people that are living certain lifestyles right now and I just don't feel like we're aligned right now in this season. So, you know, I love you and I'm always I wish you the best and I'm always praying for you, rooting for you, but right now I have to basically separate myself and, yeah, how the person takes it, you can't control that, but at least, um, you gave them the courtesy of letting them know, you know, because, yeah, I could have just slowly started distancing myself, which I'm not saying that's wrong to do, it just depends, I think, on the nature of the relationship. So, yeah, but yeah, I actually felt like such an adult having that conversation. It was actually very respectful, although they had like some follow-up questions and stuff, they respected it Like, they were just like okay, and we ended off on a good note and I was just like, oh my God, look at me being an adult. We love that.
Speaker 1:So what lessons can we take from this? I feel like one. There are always usually signs that someone is no longer aligned with you or that they no longer want to be your friend, and I feel like one of them usually is a dip or lack of communication, like if you guys maybe talk a couple of times a week and now all of a sudden, you're going weeks and weeks without speaking. I feel like that's usually a sign. And then also, I think on your end, like recognizing some of the signs that you don't need to be friends with someone else anymore is just how you feel around them. Do you feel drained around them after spending time with them? Do you find that there's always conflict between y'all and when I say conflict, I mean not only like bickering and stuff but do you find that there's conflict with the values that you guys have and I'm not saying that everybody around you has to believe exactly the same thing as you, but sometimes like there's a there's a serious misalignment with core beliefs and that can cause um issues in a friendship, especially if you guys are going to be close, close, close friends.
Speaker 1:Another lesson to take from this is when you do let go of friendships that aren't aligned, it creates room for new, for new friendships that are more aligned. So I think sometimes just the the rhetoric around friendship breakups can be kind of sad or just like, oh, I didn't need them anyway, but I think what a different perspective to have about it is. It creates. When one person leaves your life, it actually creates room for another to come in. So that's how I'm also kind of taking it and navigating this season of my life where a lot of my friendships are also changing. I think it's good because now there's room for more and new. So yeah, I think it's good because now there's room for more and new. So yeah, also, you also have to take accountability for the roles that you play in your friendships, friendship breakups. You need to also be accountable. Reflect on yourself. Ask your friends questions. In the same way, my friend asked us what's going on in your life and how can I show up for you more? Like, ask your friends like do you feel like I'm showing up for you and how can I show up for you more?
Speaker 1:I've had a couple of these types of conversations with some of my friends and it's really insightful because half the time you don't even know how you're coming off to somebody. Like I've had a friend tell me it seems like what did she say? She was? Like sometimes it can come off like I don't care, because the type of person that I am like I don't really. I can go like low-key three months and not speak to you and, depending on the type of person you are, you're going to be like, oh my God, you hate me, like you must not like me, and it's not even that at all. I just I'm in my head, like I'm doing other things and it's hard for me to multitask sometimes. So one of my friends like, let me know that, like you know, sometimes you just kind of go MIA and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry and now I try to, especially when it comes to her, I'm intentional about being more communicative with her because I know that that's something that is important to her and that's how she receives love and stuff. So yeah, so definitely take accountability.
Speaker 1:And, lastly, communication. Guys, if you do not communicate an issue that you have with the people in your life, your friends, that stuff builds up. It builds up. I'm constantly working on this, just addressing things as they come rather than just letting it slide or pushing it under the rug, because you may feel a way about it, they may feel a way about it, and if you guys never talk, it can kind of just build up and then, before you know it, you lose out on the friendship because y'all just never spoke about it. So, okay, now that we've talked about breakups, I feel like what are signs that a friendship is worth fighting for? Right, maybe some green flags, because you're always going to have conflict, because conflict isn't necessarily a bad word right, you're always going to have conflict when it comes to just a relationship with another person.
Speaker 1:So how do you know when the friendship is worth fighting for instead of just like letting it go? I feel like I feel like that's a good question, but I think, at least from the things that I've experienced and so far, you have to know your friend at the end of the day, right, and everybody's not going to be perfect, but do they show signs, right, that they care? Do they show signs that they care, that they are interested, that they are invested in some way, some ways that that has been shown to me in friendships is one they ask questions how can I be there for you? Two, like they're checking in, right? Three, when we do speak, they just seem they care. Like they seem like they care, and it's the same for you. Like, when you are around them, do you enjoy the time that you're having with them? Do you feel better, do you feel lighter, do you feel empowered when you're around them?
Speaker 1:I feel like these are some signs to let you know that this is a friendship that is worth fighting for and worth investing some time in. Have they shown up for you consistently in the past? I feel like these are all things, and this isn't to say that people can't disappoint you sometimes and not show up sometimes. People are not going to be able to make everything that you're having, but if they don't make it right, I think it's how. I think it's how they do it. So like I've had a friend where maybe I had like a shinding at my house for a big celebration and they couldn't make it, and they like called me and let me know like hey, like I really, really wanted to be there, but I won't be able to make it Um cause of this reason, or whatever. Like cool, okay, where I've had friends not make it to something and they one the reason they couldn't make it was like bruv, you and I both know you could have found another way, but you just didn't want to. I feel like things like that, and if that's a consistent thing, you know, all right, this isn't somebody't want to. I feel like things like that, and if that's a consistent thing, you know, all right, this isn't somebody I want to even attempt to try and fight for this relationship. Whereas you know some people they're, they try to show up as much as possible and if they can't, they let you know do you genuinely enjoy your time with them?
Speaker 1:Do you feel there is a connection or a purpose for the friendship? Because that's a real big big thing too, friends, I feel. I believe Certain friends are really connected to your purpose, right? So do you feel like there is some type of spiritual connection? There's just a greater purpose as to why you guys are also friends? That is also a way that you can know that this friendship is worth fighting for and sidebar. There can be a season of your life where there does feel like there is true purpose behind the friendship and that can change. Or and what I mean by that is the purpose in which you guys were friends for was met, and now you guys can like separate because the purpose was met. Does that make sense? Because I've had friends where there felt like such a connection, like a greater purpose as to why we were friends, and then we're no longer friends. But it's like when I reflect on it, or when I was reflecting on it, I realized you know what. Actually, I think the purpose as to why we were friends was met Like it was. It was done, and now you know where I'm in a different season, they're in a different season, and now it's time for us to separate. So there's that. These are some green flags to know that a friendship is worth fighting for and investing your time in.
Speaker 1:Oh, what about making new friends? Because I feel like that is a big, big thing. Now too, as you're, as you get older, making new friends is such a thing. It is such a thing. And let me just say I feel, for some of you introverts, like true to the core introverts, I can imagine making new friends is definitely tough for you because you are just, you're not extroverted.
Speaker 1:You don't constantly go out and meet a bunch of new people all the time and even if you do, you kind of hone in on like one or two people at a time. I'm kind of the same. Well, okay, no, I'm not. I'm actually extroverted. It's actually really annoying. It's not annoying, but I can't believe that I'm extroverted because I used to be so introverted and I still do have introverted tendencies. Like, if you know me in person, I am more reserved into myself. Maybe I'm a little more private, but I can also be extroverted too, but either way, yeah. So I feel for the true through and through introverts.
Speaker 1:But if you want to make new friends, I feel like we're going to have to be adults and we're going to have to put ourselves out there and be a little uncomfortable. That's the thing with anything new in life it's going to be a little uncomfortable. So you kind of got to get used to that. I don't know if you guys know, but we are in a loneliness epidemic. I don't have the stats for it, but we are, and I think it's because of social media as well. We are in our houses more, we're in our phones more. We're not going outside as much and because of that I think we're just we're not being around people the way we used to or the way the older generations used to, and it's causing a loneliness epidemic. And honestly, I feel like if you want to make new friends, you're going to have to grab from how the older generations used to do it. You're going to have to go back outside.
Speaker 1:Yes, not to say that you can't make really great friends on the internet, cause I've personally made really great relationships off the internet but, like you need to go outside, you need to take it to the basics. How did you make friends in grade school? You were outside, you guys had a commonality and from there you just kept talking to them. So you need to be in spaces where you're seeing people on a more consistent basis, and I feel like that is a great way to make new friends. So and the internet can actually help you with this I would, I would tell you so one okay, from the basics, go outside. You need to find things that you enjoy doing, hobbies, and find things you can do outside with those hobbies. So, whether it's like playing sports, tennis, volleyball, basketball, whatever it is, swimming, I don't know Go and find classes and groups that you can join to go. Do those things right, and now you're going to be around people that also share that same interest as you, and that's another. That's a way to you know. Start to meet people. Then you go up to them and you make some small talk, okay, um, I think as well. The internet is great for this too, because you can figure out things that you enjoy and find groups online, and you can either meet up with people virtually or you can meet up with people in person. So, if you like walking, join a walking club, right, and that's something you can do outside. If you like writing, if you're working on writing a book, join a writing club. Now you have a bunch of people that write, and then that you know, you start to form relationships that way.
Speaker 1:I feel like those are some ways to make new friends, but you, I think you have to put yourself in spaces, because how did you make friends when you were younger? Was it from sitting in your house all day? No, exactly. And I'm also in a space in my life where I'm trying to cultivate more community as well, because one thing about being in New York I live in New York, I was born and raised here and I think the thing about New York sometimes is, if you are not intentional about building community, it can be very, very lonely. I don't. I don't know how to explain it, but yeah, so I'm also trying to do that too. So you're, you are not alone. I'm right there with you, sidebar, I just want to say like also, I feel like social media has like a very big effect on friendships too these days, and for a couple of reasons.
Speaker 1:One, at least from my personal experience. I'm somebody that is constantly on social media because it's my job, and one issue that I've run into with friends is them assuming that I'm okay because I'm posting on social media. And I feel like, whether you are a content creator or not, just because you are posting on social media and showing highlights, essentially because that's what it is, doesn't mean you are okay, and I think we need to do better as people and in this society of not assuming everything somebody shows online is exactly what it is behind closed doors. Do you get what I mean? That is a major, major thing that I've even had to tell, like my personal close friends do not assume that I'm okay just because of what I'm sharing on social media. Do not assume that I'm okay just because of what I'm sharing on social media. Social media is my job, you know. So, regardless of how I feel, I still have to show up. It's kind of like how they work right, no matter what they're going through in their life, they still got to go to work. They still got to clock in. That's exactly what social media is for me. I'm still clocking in and even if social media isn't your job, sometimes you got to clock in and show the folks what's going on. But your friends, like your close friends, shouldn't just assume that everything is fine just because you're posting. So that's one.
Speaker 1:And then I feel like social media, because there are so many opinions. We are also taking in so many people's opinions about what friendships should be and what friendships should look like, and that just isn't the case. I don't think it's one size fits all. Some of y'all really like will y'all will cut somebody off based off of somebody sharing a video about their narcissist friend, and because maybe you saw some similarities, you're like you know what I'm going to take that, no, like, everybody has different experiences and opinions and I feel like we need to be careful of the things that we are taking in the rhetoric that we are kind of accepting for ourselves that we're hearing on social media, because if you weren't on social media, you wouldn't have heard that, you know. So it's like do you actually believe that? So, yeah, I feel like social media can play a really big part in friendships too. So you just need to be careful. You know Level set.
Speaker 1:I think we need to also be okay with having friends that aren't like deep, deep, deep friends. Because that's not how it starts. Like that's not how deep friendships start, like that takes time. It's okay to have like surface level friends for a little bit takes time. It's okay to have like surface level friends for a little bit and then I think, as time goes, you start it has to be a natural progression too, right. Like you can't force a friendship, please don't be forcing friendships. No, that is not the way, please don't do that. And I feel like you can feel it, like you can feel when a friendship is forced it's not by force. That just because you guys have similar interests and believe the same things, that y'all must be close friends. No, oh, another thing church. You know Bible studies. That's also a great way to meet people.
Speaker 1:I think it's okay to start off with having just acquaintances and bring acquaintances around, hang out with said acquaintances and as time goes on, you'll start to figure out if you know these are people or if this is a person that you want to develop a closer relationship with. So, yeah, anywho, those are just the things that I've been thinking about. When it comes to friendship and friendship breakups and maintaining friendships, yeah, where are you guys at when it comes to friends, I would love to know, oh, I think, one last thing I want to say when it comes to maintaining friendships, right, how do you maintain the friendships that you do have? Because I was thinking about this, especially after you know, coming off of the retreat with some of my girlfriends, like I realized that is a way to maintain a friendship, like coming together, checking in on each other, spending time, and it doesn't necessarily need to be that y'all are going on trips, right, they can come over to your place, things like that. But I think one is understanding your friend's communication style as well as vice versa. How do they communicate? Like, how do they? What are their love languages? Like, how do they receive and accept love? And I'm actually like I love this, I love this, it's so fun to me, but I so I'm somebody that I'm trying to watch the things that I say.
Speaker 1:But in the past I haven't been the best gift giver. It doesn't necessarily come supernatural to me and I think it's really because of my dad. He's like, yeah, he's working on it too, but I enjoy receiving gifts. I love receiving gifts, like, oh, my God, it makes me so happy, it makes me feel so special. And I was just like, oh my God, if this makes me feel so good, then I can only imagine how it feels to somebody else. So I was just thinking.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I said this year was that I want to be more intentional about giving my friends gifts and being a little bit more thoughtful about them. So I recently did that with one of my girlfriends. She had a birthday and I like I like really thought about it, like what is a really nice gift? It's hard, it's actually so hard, but in the end I settled on a coach bag, because the girls love coach and, yeah, it was like it was a thoughtful gift. It was. You know, it was quality, right, coach is not cheap, but she's somebody that has been in my life for so many years and I wanted to, like, show her that I love her and that I care.
Speaker 1:So I just I didn't want to just, you know, pick up some flowers and give it to her. Yes, you can do that too, and that is great too. But I was like, no, you know, pick up some flowers and give it to her. Yes, you can do that too, and that is great too. But I was like, no, you could do more. And I was so excited, like when I like went to her dinner and like gave her the gift and it was the first time I've given her a gift like that which is so sad, it's so sad. So she was just, like you know, really surprised and she was appreciative. Like a couple of days later she like texted me and she was like crying. She was like thank you so much. And I was just like, oh, my God, I'm happy that you like it. So, yeah, it made me feel good and I was just like, oh, okay, that's a way to be more intentional. So, yeah, check in on just learning what their love languages are.
Speaker 1:And then I feel like, also give people grace, because everybody's not going to get it right. All right, everybody is not going to know how to love you correctly and do things perfect every single time. Obviously, you have to have wisdom and discretion with this, because how much grace can you give somebody before it's like all right, this is disrespectful. But yeah, I feel like we need to give people grace because we are all going through life. We're going through different experiences and battles behind closed doors. You don't know what people are going through.
Speaker 1:So there's that, yeah, and I think periodically, I think it's important to level set with your friends right and just have clear conversations about what's going on with your friendship or, you know, just have those direct conversations, cause I think sometimes we just assume things are fine and they're not. They're not. So there's that. It's so funny because we really I think this comes with pride and not in a bad way but we think we just have access and time with people forever and you really don't like, you don't know when they're just no longer going to be around you in the way that they're around you. So, enjoy the time and the moments that you have with people. So, yeah, that's how I feel about friendships. I think I'm going to wrap it up here, but I would love to know, like, what are your thoughts on friendships? How are you guys maintaining, are you dealing with a friendship breakup? How did you deal with it? Are you processing, how you feel about it? All the things? Let me know and, yeah, I will see you in the next episode. Peace out y'all.
