I Guess I’m an Adult Now...
In a digital landscape filled with perfectly curated content, Chizi Duru's new podcast "I Guess I'm An Adult Now" breaks through with refreshing authenticity. The YouTube creator, who built a following of over 500,000 subscribers sharing natural hair tutorials and lifestyle content, has launched this podcast as a natural evolution of her online presence—one that allows for deeper, more meaningful conversations about the complexities of adult life
Join Chizi Duru—content creator, storyteller, and professional overthinker—as she unpacks the messy, hilarious, and sometimes chaotic realities of growing up.
From the lies we were told about adulthood to the sneaky ways trauma shows up in everyday life, nothing is off-limits. Expect deep convos, unfiltered rants, words of faith, wisdom, and the occasional mental breakdown (because, let’s be real, we’ve all been there).
If you’ve ever felt like you’re just winging this whole “being an adult” thing… same. Hit play, and let’s figure it out together.
I Guess I’m an Adult Now...
Should I Freeze My Eggs?? Do I Even Want kids? - Ep 03
So… at what point do we start panicking about our eggs? We all know the phrase “biological clock,” but what does it mean?
In this episode of I Guess... I'm an Adult now, Chizi unpacks the quiet panic and unspoken pressure that surround fertility. From medical myths to societal expectations, we’re diving into the facts, the fears, and the very real questions many of us are asking behind closed doors.
If you’ve ever Googled “Should I freeze my eggs?” at 2 AM, this one’s for you.
Subscribe now and join our community as we figure out this adulting thing together, one conversation at a time.
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I've had to sit with myself and ask myself, deciding to freeze my eggs, does that mean that my life didn't go the way that I planned? It's almost like accepting that, oh, things didn't work out the way that I thought it would. You know why I love being such a girl's girl. I get access to just so many women's experiences and stories. I really appreciate it because it gives me perspective and then I can share it with you too. I was having a conversation with my dad right, and you know I love my dad. Papa Drew, love you.
Speaker 1:I feel like there is this unspoken expectation that women want to have children and should have children. Let's talk about it. Hi guys, welcome back to the podcast. It's your girl chizzy here and um, we are going to be talking all about fertility today. Yes, yes, yes, I am the young, ripe age of 29. Yeah, I am approaching 30. And, sorry, I just every once in a while when I say that, it just it shocks me, but time really does fly. It's actually kind of crazy because I remember when I turned 21 and I became the legal drinking age Super sidebar. But I remember that like it was yesterday. Ooh, child, I was so young, young and ripe, like my father would say. But yeah, I am approaching 30.
Speaker 1:And I feel like when you start approaching 30, the conversation around fertility and your biological clock ticking really, really increases. So I just wanted to talk, I wanted to talk all about it. You know, um, and I just want to, uh, say a little disclaimer. So I know fertility can be a pretty sensitive topic for women. Um, depending on just where you are in your journey, what you've been experiencing, the topic of fertility can be sensitive. So I just want to be sensitive to you and ask that you also have grace for me as I kind of navigate this topic. My intention is not to offend in any way, but you know, sometimes, as you're kind of just sharing your own personal experiences, you may not recognize how it comes off to somebody else. So I want to just ask for grace in advance. If you know I say something that is unintentionally offensive in any way, so yeah, but I would try my best not to Okay. So, yeah, I feel like, yeah, once you start approaching 30, the, the pressure from all angles really really ramps up, and if you are younger, then you're probably getting some pressure already of, well, depending on your culture and all that stuff, but more likely than not, you're getting some type of pressure or comments about oh, like, when are you going to settle down, because you know you don't want to wait too long, and things like that. Well, chow, when you start approaching 30 and don't mess around and cross 30, the conversation heats up. The pressure really increases, whether it's from your family, whether it's from society, social media, and then you've got science telling you that your biological clock is ticking. It is on all angles. There's a lot of pressure and there's a lot of pressure, there's a lot of noise and I just kind of I feel like we need more spaces as women to just talk through it. So, yeah, so that's what this episode is going to be all about.
Speaker 1:If you're anything like me when I tell you I didn't, when I tell you I have never really thought about children until honestly, like 28, to be completely honest, like I feel, like my mind, like my brain, low-key still can't grasp the concept, but just my brain really has never grasped the concept of children, and like pushing children out and having like a new life grow inside of you and then it's in the world and then you're responsible for it, like the concept to me is so wild and you know, every so often I have to like check in with myself and be like wait, hey, girl, you're going to have kids one day. Like do you want kids? Like how are you going to raise them? It's just, it's a lot, it's a lot. So it's just so interesting how like there's such a sudden shift that I feel like happens, where one day you're just minding your business as a young girl and then the next they're like marriage, children, and like these are huge life altering things that happen and we're just expected to just do it. Like what? It's a lot, so anyway.
Speaker 1:So let's talk quickly about the science of fertility, just so that we're all aware of how the woman's body works. So women are born with all of their eggs. We are literally born with every single egg that we will ever have, from jump, okay, and over time they essentially decrease, um, which is why we have periods, right? Um, essentially each month, uh, an egg is released from your body and that's that ovulation period time. So this is where the egg is waiting to be fertilized by a sperm, and if it doesn't get fertilized in a certain window, then it gets. It passes through your body, which is then where you have a period. Okay, so after the age of like 34 to 35, science says that your fertility significantly decreases because not only do you have less eggs, but the quality of your eggs are also not as great, I guess because they're older. So, yeah, I guess because they're older.
Speaker 1:Now, also, I'm not a doctor, so, please, what I'm saying is not gospel. Please go check and fact check everything I'm saying. That's essentially what you know. The science of fertility is for women, yeah, so, because essentially, we do have a window of time where we are the most fertile, you know, our eggs are the most healthy and things like that. It's generally pushed to have children. You just want to have children in your prime ages, so anywhere from 20 to onwards of, you know, 30, there's always this big thing of you need to settle down so you can have your children if you do want children, because the longer you wait, the harder it will be to conceive. So, yeah, so that's the science of fertility, that's women's fertility for you. Now I feel like the beautiful thing is that we have this thing called science, modern day science, and there are a lot more options to just having children and conceiving these days.
Speaker 1:So I kind of wanted to talk about it, because a friend of mine she's a bit older she told me about the she actually she just mentioned to me one day. She was like you know, you should look into freezing your eggs. And I was like freeze my eggs, first of all I'm a teenager. And then I'm like, wait, I'm 29. My bad, but it's the fact that I still feel like I'm a teenager, but I am well, I am really an adult. That's crazy. But yeah, and she just mentioned that because she's around 40 and she was just saying some of the fellow women in her age range, some of them are struggling to have children, um, and things like that and uh, if she could go back, she would have, she would have just froze her eggs, just just in case. And I feel like you know, I, I would.
Speaker 1:I do want to say that I am. I appreciate science. I appreciate modern day science. I also am a believer that God is the one that ultimately has the power to give you kids or not and is the creator of life. Because you can do all the modern science you want in the world. Sometimes it still doesn't work right. So I feel like you know, whether you go the science route, I don't think that has to necessarily contradict your belief that God is the one that will give you children. I personally believe that there's space for both. I believe in science, I believe that in faith. So yeah, but you know her sharing that with me.
Speaker 1:At first I was just I kind of brushed it off because I felt like you know, I still have time. But as time goes on, you know, I have been thinking about it a little bit more, of just what? Just fertility planning, like family planning, all the things planning, and I'm just like wait a minute, huh, planning. And I'm just like wait a minute, huh, if anything, basically, the next decade of my life would be majority of my fertile years, from 30 to 40. And not to say that you can't be a little, you know fertile beyond 40, because there are a lot of women, there's a lot of stats of women that are having children later post 40. So I'm not saying that you can, never. It's not possible to have kids then. But generally speaking, between 30 and 40 is when you know you would probably want to start having those kids and I was just like, huh, you know the way things are looking, I don't know what's going to happen, and it really made me start thinking about the possibility of freezing my eggs.
Speaker 1:So I started looking into it a little bit more and, you know, I realized one this is not a concept that is widely discussed in certain communities. Right, I don't know if the girls are talking about it and I'm just not in the room, but I am black. I am a black woman, I am a Nigerian woman. Right, I'm an African woman. I have not heard one person in my hemisphere talk about freezing their eggs.
Speaker 1:In fact, just to bring this point in, I had shared with a friend, I think she's 28. I told her, like you know, I was thinking, I've been thinking about freezing my eggs and she was, like, really why? And it was funny that she responded that way, because that's how I responded to at first when I first, like, heard of the concept, only to realize, as I've done more research, you actually want to freeze your eggs as early as possible. It's, uh, encouraged to freeze your eggs anywhere between like 23 to like 27 now most women, by the time they actually start freezing their eggs, they're usually actually in their 30s, because they've gotten to the point where they're realizing there's a possibility that they're not going to have kids as quickly as they thought. So most women end up freezing their eggs later, but it's actually encouraged to freeze your eggs much earlier.
Speaker 1:So it's just funny that we don't even know these things or think about these things because nobody's talking about it, which is why I wanted to bring it up today on today's podcast. I do know of one, actually I know of two women, though Now that I've started, you know, just talking more openly about like freezing eggs. I know two girls that froze their eggs at, I believe, like 24, anywhere between 24 to 26 years old, and it was through the company that they were working at. They worked at major, you know, the major tech companies and it was available essentially and free through their health insurance. And I was just like, wow, who knew I probably would have went to corporate America if I knew I could do that? Who knew I probably would have went to corporate America if I knew I could do that? So, yeah, I just I think it's interesting that most of us aren't even informed about this.
Speaker 1:I'm also going to say this as a caveat, because I know some of you guys are of the Christian faith, and I think there can be this what's the word? Just, there can be a difference of opinions about whether or not you should seek medical interventions when it comes to like fertility and things like that, because maybe you feel like it goes against your faith or belief that God can do it and, like I said before, I don't feel like they can't coexist. I don't think freezing your eggs means that you don't believe that God will give you children naturally, because God is the giver of life Again. So, as I did more research on this one, freezing your eggs is expensive, right. So it can be anywhere from like $10,000 to $20,000. And then you have to pay a yearly fee to basically like keep up with the however long it's your eggs are frozen. So I think it's like maybe around a couple hundred dollars. So there's that. And then there's the fact that it may not even work when you do it. So if you do end up using the eggs, you do have to do it through in vitro IVF and, if I'm not mistaken don't quote me on this I would think you'd have to then pay for the IVF. It's an expensive procedure, right? Ivf. It's an expensive procedure, right, which is probably why it's not spoken about in certain communities because it's low-key, like a privilege to do something like this. You would have to have the funds to do it and yeah.
Speaker 1:But I think, yeah, there can be some stigma around maybe looking into something like freezing your eggs or doing IVF, because you feel like maybe it can go against your faith. But I don't think that's the case. I feel like science is there as a way to help. We don't say that about cancer treatment. Now, do we? You feel like if you do chemo, then you don't believe in God and that he can heal you? No, we're going to pray that he heals us and if you don't heal in this way, right, we're also going to take the necessary measures to get treatment at the same time. So, yeah, it's expensive, but I don't know.
Speaker 1:I haven't decided if it's something that I want to do, but I definitely have been thinking about it. Haven't decided if it's something that I want to do, but I definitely have been thinking about it. So I guess I want to ask you guys, like would you freeze your eggs? Would you freeze your eggs? And if you thought about it, what does it mean to freeze your eggs? Because I think that's also another thing, right, like I've had to sit with myself and ask myself deciding to freeze my eggs, does that mean that my life didn't go the way that I planned? Like it's like, it's almost like accepting that oh, things didn't work out the way that I thought it would. But I don't think it has to mean that I really don't. I feel like sometimes we add meaning to things that don't even need to be there. I feel like it's a precaution, a type of safety measure For lack of better word maybe an insurance policy, because again, it may not work. So I don't think it has to mean that you, I don't think it has to mean that you're a failure or things didn't work out the way that you thought, and I don't think that has to be a bad thing either.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's probably because I feel like, for me, I settled within myself, maybe around 27, that I was probably gonna have like kids and stuff in my thirties when I was 27,. I settled in my. I settled within myself, maybe around 27, that I was probably going to have like kids and stuff in my thirties when I was 27,. I'm like girl you only got three more years of your twenties. You ain't having kids in this, in this decade. It's just I knew that like I just I didn't feel prepared. I didn't feel like it was something that I wanted to do in the next three years, so maybe that's why for me, it's not as deep Now. I think as time goes on, maybe it then becomes something deeper, right, and I think that's a very natural thing to happen, right as you get older. Right Now, you've hit 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39.
Speaker 1:Each year that passes, I do think maybe then you have to start dealing with the thoughts and feelings of just all the things you thought would happen by this time and it hasn't happened yet. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that, that's fine. But I feel like that's why I think it's important to know all of our options, because knowledge is power. Right, we can't plan or we can't control how our lives are going to turn out, but you can like prepare as much as possible. So, yeah, and speaking of that, I feel like there is this unspoken expectation that women want to have children and should have children. Let's talk about it.
Speaker 1:I was having a conversation with my dad, right, and you know I love my dad. Papa Drew Love you. And we were having a conversation. I don't remember what was said exactly, but essentially I think I said something like if I have kids. And he's like if you have kids, what do you mean if you have kids? You mean when you have kids. And I'm like what if I didn't want to have kids? And he was like what do you mean? What if you don't want to have kids? And he was like what do you mean? What if you don't want to have kids? And then one thing about my dad if he doesn't want to talk about something like the way, he will just shut down the conversation. That's how you know, because he's very in his ways. So if yeah, so anyway, he tried to shut down the conversation and me being me, I'm like no, what if I didn't want to have kids? I'd really be putting my parents through it. But anyway, he didn't want to have that conversation. But I want to bring that up here.
Speaker 1:I think women aren't given space to really think about whether or not they want to have children, and I don't even think there's anyone to blame per se, but it's just. I just think it's really important that you actually think about if it's something you want and giving yourself grace to change your mind, because what you decide at 21 may change at 29 and may change at 35. So I just I don't know. I feel like we just be having kids. But sometimes I'm just wondering are we thinking about having kids? What does that mean for you and how do you want to raise your kids?
Speaker 1:If you do want to have kids and you know, and I think that it's important to think about it, whatever you decide, it's important to think about it because then you can start to prepare for it. Even like someone like me, like I'm thinking about it now and I'm just like, ok, if I do want to have children, I should probably start preparing my body for it now, right, which is why I actually started working out more and trying to build muscle and things like that, because I know that you know, in pregnancy your ab muscles can like become very weak, your pelvic floor can become very weak, and I just feel like we don't be thinking and talking about this stuff out loud and preparing young girls for children if that's what they decide they want to do. So I feel like that's just important and yeah, and if you are somebody that feels like you don't want to have kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I do think, hence why you need to think about it. I feel like it's just important to think about why you don't want to have kids. Or, on the flip side, if you are somebody that feels like you want to have kids, why do you want to have kids? Because I think that why tells you a lot about just where you are and if it's like an actual good reason or not. What do I mean by this? Like I've heard, some people don't want to have kids because, you know, their childhood was very traumatic and they don't want to pass that trauma onto their future kids, so they just don't want to have kids. I'm not here to judge right, but I feel like that reasoning is more fear based, right, and that's something that you know, you can unpack and figure out, because I don't know if that's it's a valid reason, I get it, but I don't know if that's like, and I'll be all, why you should not have kids, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Now, if you don't want to have kids because you just don't want to have kids, like you feel like there's more than enough kids in the world, you can be a mother to someone else's children. Okay, that's totally fine, and I feel like we don't give space for people to just decide. You know what I don't want to have any kids of my own because I don't want to have any kids of my own. And the reason why I also think it's important to think about this is because if you know this and the earlier that you know this, the better, because now it's also going to play a part in how you find a partner and the type of partner you end up choosing, because that's another thing.
Speaker 1:If you want to settle down with somebody, you're going to have to, you know, let that person know that you don't want to settle down with somebody, you're going to have to, you know, um, let that person know that you don't want to have kids. Um, and I guess something to think about as well is just what does it mean? The possibility of being with somebody, or finding somebody that you love and enjoy, but they want kids and you don't? Would you be willing to bend and things like that? So I just feel like, you know, obviously you're not going to have the answers to this immediately and in one day, but it's just something to just think about, as you know, as you're going through life. So there's that.
Speaker 1:And then, yeah, on the flip end, I feel like women just have kids, or we just think we're going to have kids. But if you really think about why do you want to have kids, I feel, like some of us, the answer will be because you're just supposed to. I don't know if that's a good enough reason to have children. I really don't. And I feel like if some women would be more honest with themselves about this stuff, maybe they'd think twice before doing it. And again, obviously, depending on the culture you've grown up in, where you are in the world, like sometimes we don't have the autonomy as much, but you know, if you do, then give yourself the chance to think about it and plan and prepare a little bit more and just reflect more deeply on what you would like to do when it comes to children and how you would want to prepare for it. So, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Again, I'm not judging. Whatever you decide, whatever you think, whatever is your reasoning, it's totally fine. I just think it's important that we make decisions for ourselves based off of wisdom and not fear or judgment or shame. So, yeah, yeah, having kids like, wow, what a concept, what a concept. I love the fact. You know why I love being such a girl's girl. I get access to just so many women's experiences and stories and I really appreciate it because it gives me perspective and then I can share it with you too, right?
Speaker 1:So I know a woman who shared with me that around 29, you know, she started getting a lot of pressure to get married, settle down and have children and she knew she really didn't want to have kids, honestly, but she felt like she had to do that. So she got married, had children and ended up getting divorced. You know, about 10 years in and she was just telling me like, honestly, if I could do it again, I would have just stuck to what I felt I wanted for myself, which was that I didn't want to have kids. So I guess that's just to my point. You know, some of us just do things because we feel like we have to, but I really do just want to encourage you to deeply reflect, just reflect a little bit more and, again, have grace for yourself. You are allowed to change your mind at any, any point.
Speaker 1:Also, if you are a woman of faith, a believer, ask God, god, what do you want for my life? You know, do you want me to have kids? Is that in your plan, is that in your will? Like, what do you want? And you know, for some of you guys maybe you feel like God wants you to have kids but you don't want to have kids. Like that's something that you know, resolve within yourself and think about and talk about and pray about all the things. So, yeah, I just feel like we need to be more thoughtful about family planning, that's all. And, with that being said, you also need to be thoughtful about who you're laying up with. That's really the problem. Let's talk about it, cause I feel like if we all stopped having so much sex, we wouldn't be in a lot of the issues that we're in today.
Speaker 1:Okay, I don't know why our brains work this way, but I feel like every time I see a woman, whether she's married or not, get pregnant, they'd be shocked, like they're just like, oh my God, whoa, like they wasn't doing the do. But it's really funny, just the phenomenon. But I think it's kind of like how, if you live in a place like New York, maybe that there's always a winter, every single year there is winter, but every single year, without fail, when it starts snowing and it gets really cold, we're all like, oh my gosh, it's really cold. It it starts snowing and it gets really cold, we're all like, oh my gosh, it's really cold, it's really snowing and it's like bruv. This happens every year. I feel like it's the same thing when it comes to, you know, getting pregnant. Like we're just like, oh my God, I'm pregnant, but we were having sex.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I think it's important to really think about the people that you are laying up with, because there is always a potential that these people can be a father to your unborn children. Do what you will with that information. Ok, that's important. That is so important. Right, the father of your children, the father of your children. If we thought like that when it came to the men, right, that we're dealing with, right, the partners that we're having, it would probably make you think twice before continuing to deal with them or like being sexual with them, because would you want them to father your child? So it's a really important question.
Speaker 1:Now, another thing I've been thinking about is like being realistic about potential challenges, or just the potential of single parenthood, or just the potential of single parenthood. Now I know some of y'all gonna be like God forbid. You know, I'm not even gonna put that in the atmosphere and things like that, and I get that and I'm a believer of that too. Words have power. This is what I mean by. I feel like sometimes we assign meaning to things that aren't even there. Like you, thinking about the possibility of single parenthood does not mean you are wishing and hoping that you will be a single parent or that you are putting into the atmosphere that you will be a single parent. I don't think that's what that means. I think there is a thing called life and sometimes things don't go the way you plan for things to go.
Speaker 1:A lot of the people and women that I know in my life that are single mothers had no plans of being single mothers. You know, and it's not even to say that they'll be a single mother forever, but at the stage of their life that they're in right now, they're a single mom and they had no intention. They may have even done it the right way, did all the right steps, got married, did all the things and still ended up single mothers. So, and also, let's talk about the fact that sometimes you may end up a single mother and you are married, clock it Anyway. So, um, yeah, I feel like we need to.
Speaker 1:I think that's something that is important to think about. I can't even sit here and tell you I've really thought about that, I haven't, but this is why we're having this conversation right now, because I feel like it's just something just to think about. You know how would you feel? Right, because that's the thing with, I think, adulthood and growing up is sometimes these things. These things happen in our lives and we just are blindsided by it because we just didn't think it was possible. Also, another thing about single motherhood sometimes, god forbid, sometimes your partner passes away. Then what, like you, is anybody thinking about these things? It's not even thinking about it from a place of fear either, cause I don't think that is good, um, healthy, and I don't think it's productive, you know, but these are things that happen. So I just feel like it's just something that I've been. Just what does that mean? You know, how would I feel? Who would I turn to? How would I raise them? I just, I don't know. I feel like we don't think about this stuff enough, and I think it's important too.
Speaker 1:I think it will also help remove, maybe, some shame, even though you're probably still going to feel the feelings that you're going to feel regardless If you're in a situation that you never planned or intended on being on. I think it can help minimize it just a little bit. You know, because, let's say, I did everything right and I, you know, had some kids and then found myself in a situation where I now have to take care of the kids on my own. I feel like, immediately I would probably feel one anger because this is not how this was supposed to go, and then I think I would feel, depending on the reasons why, maybe shame, embarrassment, and I feel like we should be allowed to have a different story and it not mean that you are a failure. You know like, isn't this what I feel? Like? That's what self-love is, you know, being able to still have a sense of self and a sense of worth, regardless of your situation, right?
Speaker 1:So, regardless of if you're able to have kids or not, if you decide you don't want to have kids, if you have children and now you are a single parent, whatever the scenario is for you, I think it's important to still have a semblance of self and self-worth and value. So, yeah, and I think giving yourself the opportunity to think through different scenarios that could possibly happen is healthy and normal and I think should be encouraged, personally informed, you know, look at all of your options, whether you decide you want to do them or not. I think it's important to just have the information. So you know there's freezing your eggs, there's IVF, there's surrogacy, there's not having kids at all. There's so many options that we have and I think the earlier you know them, the better, so that you can start to prepare yourself. So, yeah, regardless of where you are in your fertility journey, I just hope that you have support, you know, and even if you don't have like traditional support, that is really there. Just know that you're still loved, you know you are still loved, you are still worthy, you are still important, you matter To all my mamas out there. Shout out to you, girl, shout out to you. And all the future mothers shout out to you. And all the future aunties shout out to you.
Speaker 1:Okay, because we don't talk about the importance of an auntie, the importance of the aunties, the second mothers oh my gosh, oh my gosh. That is something that I have personal well, not personal experience, but I have like an aunt who was not able to have children of her own. She always wanted children of her own but you know she wasn't able to. She always wanted children of her own but you know she wasn't able to. And the way like she was literally like my second mom, like she, she was just somebody that every birthday always got me something you know just would. When she would come over she would hand me a hundred dollars, you know, and it's just like they're so important, they are so, so, so important. So, if you are in that role, please know that you matter and, like you are, you are so, so, so important. So, if you are in that role, please know that you matter and, like you are, you are so important and imperative and I think that I think it's so honorable even to make an intentional decision to be, you know, an honorary second mother, right To decide.
Speaker 1:You know I don't want to have any children of my own, but I do want to help mother other people's children decide. You know I don't want to have any children of my own, but I do want to help mother other people's children. Thank you. So, yeah, I feel like, no matter where you are and what you decide to do with your body, you are important, like women. Women to be a woman, wow. So yeah, just continue to have knowledge. You know, reflect, think. What do you want for yourself, babes? And yeah, that's all I got for today. Let me know what you think. What are your thoughts? Where are you in your journey? You think, what are your thoughts? Where are you in your journey? Have you been thinking about fertility options? Let me know and I will catch you in the next episode. Bye, y'all.
