An Honest Conversation with my African Dad on Addiction - Ep09

For the first time ever, I sat down with my dad to talk about my struggle with weed addiction. I wanted to know—did he know? Did he ever suspect? And what was it like for him, watching me go through life while secretly battling something I couldn’t talk about?

The conversation takes an unexpected turn when Papa Duru shares his own experimentation with marijuana after immigrating to America from Nigeria—a story he'd never told his daughter before this recording. 

His vivid description of cultural shock moving from a Nigerian village where drug use was heavily stigmatized to New York during the crack epidemic provides crucial context for understanding immigrant perspectives on substance use.

Subscribe now and join our community as we figure out this adulting thing together, one conversation at a time.

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Transcript

First Guest: Introducing Papa Duru

Speaker 1 0:07

Wow, today is such a special, special, special day. Hi guys, welcome back to the podcast. So, first of all, hi, I'm Chizzy. This is your first time and if you are returning, how you doing First of all, my hair is different. Do you guys like what? Do you think I'm trying to give free renewed rebirth? But, yeah, today is a really special episode because I have my first guest Today. I have none other than my father, papa Duru. Okay, he is an internet sensation, a part of the Duru family, emily, it's so funny because I always joke that it seems like at this point you're my retirement plan, because you seem to be the one that's more famous. Everybody loves you. Anytime, I you know. Somebody stops me on the street. They're like how's your dad, how's Papa Drew? And I'm just like, oh, forget about me, no, worries's fine. So, yeah, welcome, thank you thank you very much.

Speaker 1 1:18

This is so funny. Yeah, this is weird. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Weird, I don't know. Like we talk all the time. No, we, we literally talk all the time. It's just I don't know, as recording is like this is a real thing. Yeah, I guess I can just like feel how special this is I think it's very special you think so? Do you like my hair?

Speaker 2 1:39

I love it. It makes you look different. No, no, it's nice, it's beautiful. Remember, you're always like but now this is very beautiful, nice, simple too.

Did My Dad Know I Was High?

Speaker 1 1:53

Oh, by the way, trigger warning. Somebody mentioned this last time Trigger warning. There will be conversations and language around substance abuse, addiction. So if that is something that triggers you at all, please know that that is going to be talked about today, all right, so I wanted to bring you on today because the last two weeks have been really, shall I say, incredible, different, groundbreaking. So if you guys don't know, you guys definitely need to catch up on the last two episodes.

Speaker 1 2:30

I share essentially my personal journey with substance abuse and there were a lot of parents that were watching right and they wanted to know what my parents thought. Like you know, where were you guys? What was your experience? What did you think? Did you know? So we're going to basically talk all about that today and I think it's really cool and interesting that we're having this conversation because I feel like I represent right now I'm representing for all the children, all the African daughters, all the immigrant children and low-key, a little bit of the black sheep of the family, even though I don't feel like I'm the black sheep no, you're not, no, I'm not but just in the sense that I took a very different path, even down to career and things like that I guess you can call me more of the trailblazer. I think I'm different, you don't think I'm different.

Speaker 2 3:25

You're unique.

Speaker 1 3:26

I want to jump straight into it, Daddy.

Speaker 2 3:28

Go ahead.

Speaker 1 3:29

Okay, so first question off the bat. Did you know I was high?

Speaker 2 3:34

not until you told me really, yes, remember, this is. You have always been open, especially when I I see your commitment to god worship. Sometimes I'm like get this girl to this level. You know what you remember? One night we were talking and then you were oh, you opened up and told me about smoking in high school. I'm like, excuse me.

Speaker 1 3:58

Wait, so you didn't know.

Speaker 2 4:00

How would I know? You didn't know, I had no idea. So when you told me I heard myself die, I'm like what you see. Sometimes parents will be going thinking they know I had no idea, no clue, nothing. Because in high school you will come back, you will do your homework and you always had those challenging homeworks Remember your mother and I and you will sit around to do.

Speaker 1 4:25

I was in all the honors classes. Yes, you know, and we were cracking our head.

Speaker 2 4:30

So you were all into your book do your homework, you know, and stuff. So I had no idea there was anything extra. And if I didn't know, definitely your mother wouldn't know, because I think I am closer with Cheezy in terms of discussions. She's like no, no, no, no. I said well, if you don't know, and now I know first. So what does that show you? But anyway, yeah.

Speaker 1 4:57

Well, I mean, I feel like that's something that I shared in the video where I was a high achiever, right, so I did my work, I did really well in school, I was on top of my grades, but that's what you consider somebody that's high functioning. But that's what you consider somebody that's high functioning. So there are a lot of people that maybe struggle with substance abuse or like any type of issue right. They present well, right from face value, because they do what they need to do. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 5:25

And even in college.

Speaker 1 5:27

Yeah.

Speaker 2 5:27

I had no idea. Oh my God, and you were doing well in college. So there was no reason for me to start wondering what's wrong with her. There was no reason Because you drove in school.

Speaker 1 5:42

Yeah.

Growing Up High-Functioning

Speaker 2 5:43

And all the time you were driving in school I had no worries. I think one time you only called me when you had a problem at the night, but there was no. I will look at you closely, I will watch you Really. I'm telling you In conversations and I will look through your stuff. What? Yes, when I came to your, you left your, my father. I said there was no clue, nothing, no way. I didn't even see a lighter. Definitely lighters, yeah, but where did you hide them?

Speaker 1 6:16

They were hidden, clearly, in a very hidden place.

Speaker 2 6:19

Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 6:21

That was something. This is groundbreaking. By the way, we have not really had a conversation like post me posting the video. I mean he obviously knew that I like dropped it and stuff, but this is our first like host me posting the video. I mean, he obviously knew that I like dropped it and stuff, but this is our first like.

Speaker 2 6:35

Yeah, yeah, when I saw it, I'm like she really meant to go public with this, why I told her don't just you know what you could make your changes? You don't have to. But then again, that's, that's what makes you unique.

Speaker 1 6:50

So, just for context, what he's talking about is, I think last year I called you on the phone and I because I honestly planned to share like my testimony and my story last year, or even two years ago, I think at this point, so before I did that, I wanted to like tell my parents everything so that they weren't shocked, you know, when they saw something on the internet.

Speaker 1 7:20

So basically, I called my dad and I told him like everything that I ever struggled with, from the addiction to Mary Jane to so many other things that one day, by the grace of God, I'll share. So I wanted to like tell them and catch him up and let him know. And actually, now that we're speaking about it, there was something I remember when we had that conversation. You said something so profound that has never left me right. So I'm telling him all the things that I'm struggling well, that I used to struggle with and basically that God delivered me from, and at the end you were like, wow, there's nothing I could have done to help you because you had no idea.

Speaker 2 7:48

I had no idea so talk to me about that.

Speaker 1 7:49

No, I had no idea. I had no idea, so talk to me about that.

Speaker 2 7:51

No, I had no idea, because if I knew I probably would take steps, you know. But I had no idea and that is why I'm so grateful that you came. I hope you're not doing it anymore. I don't care, you know, I am so happy that that's you. You always come out and, like last night, I was having this discussion with your mother and then she's like you don't seem to be condemning what she's doing About me posting. Yeah, about, yeah, coming public to you know.

Speaker 1 8:24

Share my testimony and what the Lord did for me, yeah, so.

Speaker 2 8:27

I'm like no, no, no, no, no. How would you change society if you don't use yourself as an example? And this is the truth. But it is what it is. So for her to have come out. I always praise you, not on timely pregnancies, you've never. You know, I'm so grateful and always, and I guess sometimes, remember we would sit in the living room and I would praise all of you for not doing drugs, for blah, blah, blah. I guess you sat down there looking at me Then I wonder is your brothers? What are your brothers doing that I don't know. If you don't know, maybe you could tell me.

Speaker 1 9:01

So funny enough, what he's talking about is growing up. He would my dad would do this thing where he calls family meetings and we'll talk about a bunch of stuff. But one of the things that he'll always do is he'll always say you know, I'm so proud of my children, my daughter especially. She's a virgin and and and she didn't come home with any, like she didn't come home with any untimely pregnancy or any pregnancy out of wedlock, and you know, you don't do drugs. So I would just I'll be there like yes, um so, yeah, yes, you would say that and I would just be laughing on it.

Speaker 1 9:49

I know, sorry, I know, I didn't want to burst your bubble. You know you took a lot of pride in it and I said you know what you deserve, that I'll lie with that.

Speaker 2 9:58

Okay.

Speaker 1 9:59

But I wasn't that bad. I mean I had them. It could have been worse.

Speaker 2 10:05

It could have been really, really worse. It could have been worse. You know it's not crack, it's not LSD, it's not. You know it's none of this hard, hard. You know there are some drugs you would do. You'll never come back.

Speaker 1 10:18

Oh yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. But they say that marijuana is a gateway drug for harder drugs.

Speaker 2 10:24

Of course it's always you know. So it's better to stop there or not go there. Don't even go there at all. But if you have gone, don't, Don't go further. Come back, Don't go.

Speaker 1 10:36

Come back okay.

Speaker 2 10:38

I know of a friend of mine. When we were in college it was the period of the crack epidemic.

Speaker 1 10:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2 10:45

He tried it once. Try Never finished school, I never saw him again and I opted to them like, thank God I didn't ever try it. When I talk about drugs I remember him so I'm like, oh, my friend, my children, you know, but I'm still proud of you. I will always be proud of you, especially on your own. You came out of it and you are educating other immigrants, not just immigrants, everybody, americans, immigrants, anybody Because children will just go from some habit and will just die like that For real, with their parents knowing yeah, but here.

Speaker 2 11:23

I'm still lucky. I'm so lucky. You know, I'm still praising. I praise you. I'm proud of you.

Speaker 1 11:29

Thank you. I can't take all the credit. The Lord really had to do some divine intervention for me, so we really thank God Honestly.

Speaker 2 11:38

We really thank God Honestly. We really thank God. I'm so grateful to God. I thank God very well.

Speaker 1 11:43

You really should be thanking God.

Speaker 2 11:44

Yes, I thank God. You know my friends who have watched, who have seen of course they call me, so you know that your daughter I said I didn't know when she was doing it, but now I know when she was doing it, but now I know, and I hope her lesson reaches you to get to your children so that they can look at my daughter and make a change. It's like you know what you are, so I'm going to share this with my children. It's a strength, yeah, it's a strength, big time strength, and this will definitely change some people.

Speaker 1 12:17

I mean, I feel like that's the power of media and that's also the power of telling your own story Right and being vulnerable because, like you said, that's how you make change. Like, sometimes people need to hear what somebody else has been through that looks like them or you know is similar in some type of way, or you know is similar in some type of way. So, yeah, that's why I wanted to share it because, funny enough, I always knew that I was going to share it one day. I just my prayer at the time was like I just pray that I'm on the other side of it, you know, and I don't have to be like because some people will give advice, right, and still turn around.

Speaker 1 13:03

Not even turn around, but they're basically like giving you advice from a place of you don't want to be where I'm at, okay, versus they overcame it. You know what I mean? Okay, okay, yeah. So I'm just like grateful that I could speak from a place of overcoming, um, so, yeah. So, speaking of, have you done ebo or shio?

Speaker 2 13:11

what is ebo and shio? What's that? What is that?

Papa's Own Experience With Drugs

Speaker 1 13:15

You made a whole. You went viral daddy to that whole song With your finger up.

Speaker 2 13:22

Oh, that's it, but you're not saying it as a song, you're saying it as you're describing something else.

Speaker 1 13:28

Because Ibo and Shio is talking about.

Speaker 2 13:31

You say Ibo. Yes, the way you pronounce it, it doesn't sound like it. Oh, back home we call it Ibo. Yes, the way you pronounce it, it doesn't sound like it. Oh, back home we call it Ebo. Oh, it's Ebo. It's not Ebo, ebo, okay.

Speaker 1 13:42

You got to get the annotation right. Yes, ebo, what is that?

Speaker 2 13:46

Ebo, how you know about that. What do you mean? I know about that. I give back to you in society. I grew up. What?

Speaker 1 13:55

are you talking?

Speaker 2 13:55

about? Yes, I had a growing up, so tell us about that. Yeah, there's things we also did when we were young. I smoked a cigarette, you smoked a cigarette. Yes, I mean, I smoked a cigarette. One thing I didn't like about cigarette smoking is the smell. It's a bad smell. It is. I mean depending if you want to go with girls, that has meaning.

Speaker 1 14:24

Girls that have meaning.

Speaker 2 14:25

Yes, what does that have to mean? What I mean, I mean back in my days, not these days, that anything goes Back in my days, you know, for you to really get a woman. That's.

Speaker 1 14:36

Quality.

Speaker 2 14:37

You know what I'm saying. Okay, you have to meet a certain standard too.

Speaker 1 14:40

And you can't be smelling like.

Speaker 2 14:42

Yeah, you can't be. Come on, can't be smelling and looking. No, no, no, no. You want to meet her standard.

Speaker 1 14:48

So basically you tried smoking cigarettes and you were like I mean I smoked it.

Speaker 2 14:59

There was nothing to it at all. Yeah, so I didn't like that. But drinking I drink beer, but liquor.

Speaker 1 15:09

Let me sip my water.

Speaker 2 15:13

Can I take a sip of water too? Very, very good, because this is getting interesting Cheers, you know, while in Nigeria.

Speaker 1 15:22

Oh wow, we are getting the exclusive right now. Okay.

Speaker 2 15:26

I was the perfect child. Perfect in the sense that it's all about going to school doing the right thing, blah, blah, blah. Nothing like smoking. You can't do it there like smoking. You can't do it there. Back then you can't do it because it's not possible. What do you mean? It's not possible. It's not possible. It's not like. It's not an open society like here. Children are exposed to a whole lot of things. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 15:49

Oh, by the way, just for context. So my dad is an immigrant. He immigrated here from Nigeria um, I don't know how long ago. I came here when I was 19, 19, okay and so he came to a new land. So I am first gen, you paved the way. Thank you so much. No, I really mean that. And you grew up in the village. You grew up in the village.

Speaker 2 16:16

I grew up in the village. The only time I went to Lagos was when I finished high school. Then I go to Lagos, visit, come back, and then it wasn't. I grew up in the village, grew up in the village, so I'm a village boy.

Speaker 1 16:31

Village boy, no, but so yeah, I just want to give that context. Okay, continue.

Speaker 2 16:35

So while I went in Nigeria, none of that Smoking, drinking, no, no, no, no, no. In fact, we just lived it. You know it was, but here, yeah, of course. Now you're here, now in New York, you meet students, you know you drink, you smoke cigarettes.

Speaker 1 16:56

So basically in the same way that I went off to college and was like doing there's more freedom, so you immigrated and you're basically on your own and you're in college, and there was more freedom for you to try different things, yes, okay, but then that time the fear among us who came was because that time it was the crack epidemic.

Speaker 2 17:22

If you go to Harlem, then. If I go to Harlem now Harlem has transformed Back, then it was just crack, all the burned down houses. You couldn't go into Harlem to live then oh, wow.

Speaker 2 17:36

Even the Apollo was the Apollo Theater. Yeah, it was down. Then you couldn't go into Harlem to live then. Oh wow, even the Apollo was the Apollo Theater. Yeah, it was down. Then Really Recently they just Revived it, revived it and stuff like that. So it was the crack epidemic. We ran away Anything drug Because we thought everything was crack Basically like crack, yeah.

Speaker 1 17:54

so Crack is highly addictive right and a lot of people. Once they take it that first time, you become strung out, essentially.

Speaker 2 18:02

Yeah, so we just settled with cigarette smoking and some alcohol Drinking Okay For alcohol, and that was it. That was it in high school, I mean in college.

Speaker 1 18:14

Oh.

Speaker 2 18:15

Right Now, while in college the generation that came with me the first thing we would do is go to school graduate.

Speaker 1 18:23

Okay.

Speaker 2 18:23

That was everybody's business.

Speaker 1 18:25

And that's basically what you guys do for us. Everybody you must go to school, you must go.

Speaker 2 18:30

Why wouldn't you go to school if we came here to go to school with difficulties? You're right, you know what I'm saying. So when I see the children of an immigrant and you're not going to school or you have not, you know it bothers us, not just me. Because we came here, we went to school. All right you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 18:50

We're going to talk about that in another episode, so I'm going to put a pin in that Mm-hmm, okay.

Speaker 2 18:55

And you know why people run away from Igbo? Why? Because when we were growing up, it was just after the Nigerian Civil War.

Speaker 1 19:03

The Biafran War.

Speaker 2 19:04

Yeah, okay, after that war. So most people, most grownups that went mad. People said they smoked Igbo. So when we see you smoke Igbo, you are already condemned. Okay, oh my God, he's smoking Ibo, he's mad. Even if he didn't smoke Ibo and you turned around and become mad, the whole belief is that you must have smoked Ibo.

Speaker 1 19:28

So, just in case you don't know, to run mad is basically to go crazy, to have a mental health, to have a mental breakdown probably had a manic episode.

Speaker 2 19:43

Yes, so we will attribute it to smoking drugs. Okay, yes, so nobody ever, you know you run away from that. Okay, then what happens when you come to the US? Okay, then you will see that the thing back home that's like a taboo is like, wait a minute, everybody was doing it here. What I had a friend of mine Wait, yes, I'm not going to mention his name, he's not going to like it, so I'm going to keep his privacy for him. One day we came home and it was a whole bunch of us, and then he lit up. This time it's not a cigarette, but then he lit up something. This one now is white, it has no filters, and that was the first time I came close to know what it meant to practically and physically see Igbo and somebody smoking it.

Speaker 1 20:44

Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 20:45

And that somebody happened to be a friend of ours.

Speaker 1 20:47

You know, let's talk about the fact that this is the first time you're ever telling me something like this.

Speaker 2 20:52

Yes, that's always the first time you see one thing with you children. When you grow up, you'll think your parents never grew up from something. We were kids. The first time you see one thing with you children, when you grow up, you'll think your parents never grew up from something. We were kids at the time, remember. So then, okay, continue. So we grew up. So now he lit up. Wait a minute. What are you smoking? It's not cigarettes. He said yeah, it's not cigarettes. What Everybody freaked out. But when we are young, and always, then I would have turned 20 or 21. I think it was 20. And that was the first time. Everybody you know how children can be stupid. This guy smoked it and he became a preacher. Yeah, yes, then you knew everybody tried it. I tried it, yes, and instantly it's like I wanted to cry. Yes, because the house was turning around, the table was moving, I think everything was moving except me, and I prayed. If I can come out of this, I'm not gonna wait a minute.

Speaker 1 22:13

I was not expecting any of this.

Speaker 2 22:16

It was an ugly experience. I just prayed to God. I want to be myself again, because this is just like a puff, like that you turn to something else. Baby, thank God I came out of it and I don't want to know that feeling again. Wow, wow, yeah. And for you to have done that. You say I was watching every time. I watched it eight years. What? How were you able to?

Speaker 2 22:46

No, it was a miracle and on that strength, yes, anytime I tell you guys don't do drugs, don't do drugs. You know, sometimes I wish I had said this part, but I didn't, because, guess what? One of the reasons why I didn't is like, well, because children are fun. Yeah, if daddy tried it, maybe let me go try it. Yeah, let me find it.

Speaker 1 23:08

So that's why I kept, I kept it well, I also think honestly like chill, like people are gonna do what they want to do. But I see what you mean, where it's like you didn't want to plant the seed.

Speaker 2 23:20

No.

Speaker 1 23:21

And then because sometimes when you tell kids not to do something, that's when they go ahead and do it yeah. Like I don't mind if yeah, don't do this. I said don't do this one thing. They said, okay, you know yeah, okay, you know yeah, okay. That's interesting. Well, but I think it's important to recognize that, even though you never said it, I still ended up in it.

Speaker 2 23:42

Exactly. Yeah, so Exactly, and the good thing is, you came out.

Speaker 1 23:46

Yeah, and I don't know if you had told me if it would have made a difference.

Speaker 2 23:52

Honestly, I don't know.

Breaking Cultural Silence

Speaker 1 23:54

I mean, we'll never know now. We'll never know. Okay, that's interesting, Wow, thank you for sharing that story with me and the world. Oh, if y'all can't tell, he grew up in New York, well lived in New York.

Speaker 2 24:08

Yeah, that's right, I've grown up here more than I grew up back. Oh wow, I mean, come on, I mean my sister is just imagine yeah. I mean, come on, I mean, my sister is just imagine yeah. So this is all I know. You know, sometimes when I go home I feel strange. You know, that's I'm getting, I'm getting there, that is, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 24:25

I'm sorry. Ok, a lot of people don't know that you are a retired social worker.

Speaker 2 24:30

Yes.

Speaker 1 24:31

I am in the inner city, right, I'm assuming you saw a lot of things and a lot of different scenarios. With all the things that you saw being a social worker in the inner city, did you ever think that it could happen to your own children? Based off of what you're saying, you're obviously shocked, or you were shocked, that I was going through what I was going through.

Speaker 2 24:52

Being a social worker and of course, I've gone through so many experiences and that's why sometimes when I sit you guys down and I'm having about drugs, drugs, drugs, because the experiences from all the clientele they end up in what they have ended up. Partly because of one of the many reasons is because of drugs.

Speaker 1 25:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2 25:19

There are other reasons.

Speaker 1 25:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2 25:20

But drugs is actually a very principal part of it because under the influence, depending on what drug you took, there are certain things you won't resist. I had one client and she happened to be a lady. I had one client and she happened to be a lady and I took special interest in her because she came out from jail with time time she made changes. Yeah, she made really changes, went back to school. That's one good thing about what you're just doing. I hope this reaches out to people and they can use it and make the change they really deserve. Everybody deserves a chance to make a change yeah and people don't change, just based on anything.

Speaker 2 26:05

it is based on confessions from a glamorous, successful, beautiful girl like you. One of the things that kill us is we hide things. Ooh yeah, we hide. Oui, yes.

Speaker 1 26:18

That's where the devil likes to live in silence and shame. That's where shame lives.

Speaker 2 26:22

With you coming out and look at the background that you come from. You have parents that paid you attention and you know you were not just out there, but still you had some habits. Now imagine people who had serious issues. You know broken homes, you know parents. They broke up, they end up in foster care, bad friends, bad companies, and they keep going these and they keep going these habits. They keep going Just from a little attempt and then they just go. So but here, in your own situation, I really appreciate coming out. It's a direct lesson to people even who come from very good homes.

Speaker 1 27:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2 27:09

And you see one of the mistakes you make. We think somebody comes from a good home. Those are the ones that really get the spiritual attack. Honestly, yeah, not the spiritual attack you know, for lack of a better word, because I still evil spirits pushes people. Let me not go. Let me not go there, but it's a good thing and I hope people will learn from it. Don't try it once, just don't. You know, if you try it, come out just like you came out by the grace of God.

Speaker 1 27:39

Yeah, but it's also like make a decision. Yeah, you also do have the power and the choice and the free will to make a different decision for yourself to seek help right, To tell somebody to not live in that shame and isolation. Yeah, I mean, I feel like even just to your point about me, opening up silence is a big yeah that's the thing, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 28:03

And especially for us who were born and raised.

Speaker 1 28:07

Let's talk about that real quick. Yes, because I, you know, we are of nigerian background and heritage and I feel like not only is it a nigerian thing. I honestly think this is not only an african thing, a black thing, right, it's kind of like whatever happens in the house stays in the house. You do not open up and tell people what you're going through. That's not a thing, so not you. Look at how you yes, because I did.

Speaker 2 28:32

That's us.

Speaker 1 28:32

Yeah, you know you're like yep, um, yeah, so, and honestly, that was one of the things that was very frustrating for me growing up. Honestly, I feel like that's how a lot of kids and just things go unnoticed or swept under the rug because we're not talking about the real things that are happening. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 28:52

You know, for us parents from Nigeria, our generation, you know, this is something very new. We believe in family secrecy. You know, don't tell anyone outside, don't even tell your friend, let it stay in the family. And coming from there, I understand, because back home is totally different setup. What's different?

Speaker 1 29:15

about it.

Speaker 2 29:15

You see, the difference is, you see our people, we are funny, Okay. Okay, If you do something or your child does something and it's not too good. It's like I have a weapon against you If I'm quarreling with you. Oh, your daughter did this. Oh, your son did this, Okay.

Speaker 1 29:34

So they use it against you.

Speaker 2 29:36

So they use it against you. So because of that, we you know, so that when you go out there you know your pride remains. My son, my daughter is not making me to be ashamed and stuff like that, yeah, but even at that, still, things happen. So here for us ever since your video. My friends have been calling me yeah and asking me why are you allowing your daughter to do this?

Speaker 1 30:03

To share.

Speaker 2 30:04

You know it's not nice. So, okay, you know, at that point it's a good topic for me. I'm beginning to see the strength of what you have just done. And then I try to explain to them. I said would it have been better if she kept on? Don't come out, don't make a change, don't want people to learn and then in the end dies hiding that? And you know how many people will die if they don't pick up the courage and learn from what she has done. They say you know what? It's true, oh man, you're becoming too American. I said no, no, no, it's not being American, it's being, it's human, it's life. Let us face facts.

Speaker 2 30:48

I am happy my daughter is coming out and educating people. She's a very successful woman. She didn't just end up in the street and she wants other people to be like her, to copy from her, to learn to make the right move. Then I gave one of them, especially one instance about a friend. I'm not going to mention any names. That friend had a daughter. She dropped out of college, she was into drugs and before you knew it she just ended up like that, Homeless. Wow, she's from a good home, From a good home.

Speaker 1 31:24

Yes, when you say good home, do you mean like two-parent household, two-parent household.

Speaker 2 31:28

Mother is working. Father is working, investing in the children.

Speaker 1 31:31

Yes, had the opportunity to get education, exactly Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 31:35

And yet. So I feel so proud to say listen, the things that we have. Killing us is attitudes that don't help us, like hiding stuff, and then when you hide it, you die with it. When you share your experience, you are alive, you are sharing it and other people will pick up life because they look at you and learn and make corrections. So it gave me strength.

Speaker 2 32:08

I like it. I like it because this is a success story. You discovered the Lord on your own. I never told you, sit down, let me pray yes, we used to. You know, go to church, blah, blah, blah. But I don't think the way I preach about drugs and preach. I don't think I'm quoting the Bible and blah, blah, blah. I don't think you quoted the Bible to me. You know what I'm saying. You've tried. So I'm like, what got this girl to this point, so powerful? I'm so proud that I have a daughter that survives and from her experiences she wants to reach out to other young boys and young girls and clap on you. I clap for you on that. I'm really grateful.

Speaker 1 32:55

Oh yeah, Because it could have been the other way around. Oh my God, it could have been so bad.

Speaker 2 33:00

It could have been so bad, and I only have one daughter One. I would have died, so thank God for this.

The Power of Sharing Your Story

Speaker 1 33:10

No, I would have died. What I'm realizing even from just sharing my story, right, is there really is power in, like, sharing your testimony, right, because it's like the more you share it, the more free you get. So it's funny. One of my mentors, she asked me like how do you feel, since, like sharing and things like that? And I was like I feel free. I feel really free, you know why? Because it's the first level of it was actually experiencing the breakthrough, right? That in itself was like that, that's a level of freedom, right. And then it's another level when, like, you share it with others, right. And when I say share it with others, I mean like in this way, in just like in person.

Speaker 1 33:59

And then it's another level of freedom when you share your story with the world, one, there's no longer like the shame that's attached to the thing that you used to do. No longer like the shame that's attached to the thing that you used to do. Yeah, it's like the shame starts to break down more and more because, as you're telling it, it's like what can you say to me, exactly? What can you say to me? I've already told you. You know what I mean. So it removes the like, fear and the shame that's attached to a lot of like our past mistakes and things like that.

Speaker 2 34:28

So yeah, and that's this instant freedom right there. It's freedom you feel so free.

Speaker 1 34:33

Yeah, Now scenario what would you have done? Say, you did find out that I was doing these things. What do you think you would have done?

Speaker 2 34:41

Wow, I would have freaked out. I would have been so mad. I would have been so disappointed If I had just found like. I would have been so disappointed if I had just found like. I would have been so disappointed. I would have been very, very mad at you to the point that you're not going to like me the way. I'm so mad at you. You're going to react. I would tell you off.

Speaker 1 35:05

I can beat you if I had a choice. Do you think that's maybe why a lot of kids hide things from their parents?

Speaker 2 35:11

You know what? That is definitely the truth, because you don't know how your parents will react. But it's still better to tell your parents.

Speaker 1 35:19

Is it?

Speaker 2 35:20

Yes.

Speaker 1 35:21

You just said it's better.

Speaker 2 35:23

You know what? Let them be angry, let them blah, blah, blah, but at least let them know.

Speaker 1 35:30

Let me speak from my perspective as a first gen right. I feel like that's one of the reasons why I kept a lot of things hidden growing up, because Because you were scared how we would react.

Speaker 1 35:40

And I mean in this instance, right now, right, you're literally admitting to how you would have reacted.

Speaker 1 35:49

I feel like that is actually more of the thing, more than anything, yeah, and I feel like, when it comes to parenting like your kids and trying to create like a safe relationship or just like cultivate a relationship where they feel safe enough to even come to you about things, I feel like, even though you have like your natural reactions to things, there has to be like you kind of just have to I don't know if the word is wisdom even though you're going to be upset, right, you can't respond in the way that you maybe naturally want to respond immediately, because then it lets them know that you're bad and I'm disappointed, and I'm upset, and that's it. You know what I mean Instead of actually finding the solution to why they're even doing this thing in the first place. It's funny because I used to watch a lot of shows and most of the time and I'm sure as a social worker too you see that a lot of kids act out not because they just want to act out. Right, there's usually a deeper thing that's going on. You see that a lot of kids act out not because they just want to act out. Right, there's usually a deeper thing that's going on. Yeah, so, and them acting out is just a manifestation of what they're really.

Speaker 2 36:59

The deeper thing inside of them. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 37:03

So I don't know. The advice for new parents is just like be mindful about how you respond to them when they do either do bad things or things that you're disappointed in, you know.

Speaker 2 37:20

Yeah, that is through the fear in the children, yeah, of what the parents will do. It's one of the reasons why they keep to themselves and that's dangerous would do. It's one of the reasons why they keep to themselves and that's dangerous. And we parents, you know, we have to really recognize that for real. No matter how bad, if you know, find a better way.

Speaker 2 37:41

Find a better way, you know, because for a child to trust you and tell you things, the child will know if you don't respond harshly yeah they'll probably be more open yeah and as I think, from the way we raised you guys, I think you guys also, it's like I even see now, because at the point I'm like I was telling him we are we too strict with these children?

Speaker 1 38:05

well, I don't know if y'all were that strict but I don't know.

Speaker 2 38:08

I don't know Because I know for a fact that it's always that, thank God, at least you opened up. But then you couldn't say it Because definitely you probably didn't know how we would react, so you would keep it.

Advice for Parents Today

Speaker 1 38:25

But now at least you emancipated enough to be you know let me just and I appreciate that, I mean, I think that's the power of like therapy Honestly thank God for therapy, because therapy helped a lot with just like and processing my emotions and the things that I was going through, and even processing my relationship with you guys, right, and even like I have two brothers, if some of you guys don't know but just like figuring out that family relation, family relations essentially Right, what it's like being a part of a family and a culture where it's normalized to keep things hidden. So yeah, so I feel like, for me, I knew that I had to be intentional about opening up, because if not, it probably wouldn't have happened, you know, and it takes one person to like create change, you know, then it becomes a chain reaction.

Speaker 2 39:29

Let me ask you but at what point did you make this decision to just come out public? Because after we have spoken about it, I knew I don't. It's not something to tell the public, it's not blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 39:42

This was like two years ago, right.

Speaker 2 39:43

Yeah, that's a long time ago, yeah.

Speaker 1 39:46

What made me want to share now.

Speaker 2 39:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1 39:51

Um again, I a long time ago.

Speaker 2 39:52

Yeah, what made me want?

Speaker 1 39:52

to share now. Yeah, um again, I always knew I was going to share just for them. You know why? Yeah, it's because it's literally like. It's literally like the stories in the bible, like, you know, when god, like with somebody that didn't walk for 25 years or something, and then all of a sudden, jesus comes to them and says, stand up and walk, you're not gonna shout to the mountaintops that this person I know, you know what I mean, I know. So that's literally what it is.

Speaker 1 40:13

It's like I just have to tell people because this incredible thing happened to me. So it's like it's hard to keep it to myself. It is so hard. In fact, that's also why I feel so free now, because you know, there's times I want to be like Jesus set me free, and you know. But it's like I also don't want. I know how some people respond to like Christianity or Christian rhetoric. So you know, I just want to be like intentional and, I guess, tactful about how I present certain things. So, um, essentially, all that to say, I knew I was to say something. When I tell y'all to try Jesus, I'm not just saying it Like this is something that really, I really experienced this, so it's just a natural response. Honestly, if you find like an amazing thing, you're going to want to tell people about it.

Speaker 2 41:05

Because if you don't share it, how will people know it's like a celebration for you Facts, that this is where I've come from. Yeah, I could have perished, and now this is Baby. I said died. I could have died, anything could have happened and y'all would have never known, but you survived it. And look at you right now. I gotta tell the world.

Speaker 1 41:26

Yes, I've lived it, and look at you right now. I got to tell the world, yes, but I did have to also muster up the courage to share Because, remember, I told you back two years ago. So I wanted to share this since, but, honestly, I wasn't ready. I filmed the video twice, wow, and each time I was like I don't know, I was scared.

Speaker 2 41:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1 41:45

Yeah One. It's a slap in the face to God, Because it's like somebody does something so great for you and you just don't tell nobody. It would have ate me alive if I never said anything. Okay, so what would you say to, I guess, your generation right, and even, like my generation, the new and upcoming parents right, Knowing what you know? Now, what advice would you give them when it comes to parenting and just that concept of being silent and shame and all of that stuff?

Speaker 2 42:11

I mean, ever since we had this conversation and you told me, the thing that really shocked me was not being able to know. You couldn't tell, I couldn't tell.

Speaker 1 42:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 42:20

I visited a friend of mine in Houston, their young parents. Bearing you in mind, I'm telling them you see these kids running around. Pay deep attention to them. Just make sure you keep on, keep on, because, children, you will never know what they're doing. Don't take it for granted. Look deep into your sons, your daughters. Thank God we have a conversation. You know some parents and their children don't talk as we do. Parents, be close to your children, be very, very, very close. Don't take it for granted that you know you probably don't know. So watch the kids, then have conversations, ask questions and pray. You see, that's the key word Pray, pray as they walk, hand them over to God. Now watch the children, man, and the children can be so crafty. You guys do all these things and come out looking innocent.

Speaker 1 43:19

Wow, but didn't y'all do the same thing? Yeah, yeah, okay, thank you, daddy, of course. Thank you so much for coming on.

Speaker 2 43:28

Of course this was really great and I praise you and encourage you. You're a very strong woman, thank you. You know, even when you were a little kid, you have all for some. It is now that some things are making sense. They're starting to make sense to you. Yes, because you had.

Closing Thoughts and Gratitude

Speaker 2 43:46

You're unique, definitely While you were growing up. It's like one day I took you to the supermarket near us by Hennessy Place and one woman called me. She said how old is she? I'm like she's a year. She's barely one year. She's like keep an eye on her, the way she looks. She looks beyond the world. That lady told me that when I went home, I told her the way she looks. She looks beyond the world. That lady told me that when I went home, I told her mother. And it's true, every time, as a little kid, you are always watching, asking questions. It wasn't just the ordinary kid. You always come out Even. It was challenging too Sometimes. If you don't want to do anything, remember we'll fight. I was very stubborn. This is a remember. Remember it was a fight. It wasn't that the no, it was. You would be the one fighting me and I'll be taking the blows and still doing it, and wow yeah you came out really good.

Speaker 2 44:44

thank god for you. Thank god, thank you, oh, thank you. Oh, we thank you large, thank you. I would have lost a beautiful daughter if God didn't just do it. In fact, it's God we give the glory. Seriously, god, thank you.

Speaker 1 45:00

Oh my.

Speaker 2 45:00

God, Thank you God.

Speaker 1 45:02

Thank you so much, God yeah.

Speaker 2 45:04

Thank you, the thing you do in the life of our family. I will always remain grateful. Thank you for everything, Daddy.

Speaker 1 45:12

Oh well, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you, guys, so much for listening and watching. Make sure you are subscribed. Tune in to next week. You never know what you're going to get here on the I Guess I'm an Adult Now podcast. You know, that's the name of my podcast.

Speaker 2 45:26

Yes, I'm an adult now.

Speaker 1 45:28

I guess I'm an adult now.

Speaker 2 45:29

I guess I'm an adult now, yeah, I see it oh, okay, sorry, bye y'all.