Honest Conversation with my African Dad on Life's Uncertainty | Ep 13

Life doesn’t always go as planned, and sometimes, the hardest moments end up teaching you the most.

In this episode, my dad and I talk about what it really means to fail, start over, and find peace when life throws you curveballs. From losing loved ones and dealing with financial setbacks to learning how to pivot and keep going, he opens up about lessons that shaped his life and changed the way I see mine.

It’s honest, emotional, and a reminder that failure isn’t the end. It’s just part of growing up.

Chapters
3:00 – Losing a Parent & Dealing with Grief
6:30 – Building “Committee of Friends”
10:30 – Preparing for Life’s Inevitable Moments
15:00 – Financial Struggles & Learning to Save
18:30 – Losing a Job & Finding Hope
21:00 – Comparison, Social Media & Self-Worth
25:00 – Knowing When It’s Time to Pivot
28:00 – Choosing Between Law School & America
33:00 – The Curveballs That Lead to Purpose
37:00 – Faith, Family, and Hard Decisions
41:00 – Lessons on Growth & Resilience


You can also listen on:
Apple: 
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-guess-im-an-adult-now/id1810057948 

Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/6RTnICKr8KoafopcFoOLqR?si=ef446f1c3802432e 

Catch up on:
The very first episode of Season 1 ⬇️
I’m Starting Life Over at 29 - Ep 01 
https://youtu.be/rucAJBDkc3c

You might like ⬇️
An Honest Conversation with my African Dad on Addiction - Ep09
https://youtu.be/_j8TtWodLcc

There's more⬇️
I’m Tired of Pretending Money Isn’t a Big Deal - Ep 02
https://youtu.be/87F1-0fT7hw

Should I Freeze My Eggs? Do I Even Want Kids? - Ep 03
https://youtu.be/RS0I-5fq6Zs

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. It's your girl Chizzy here, and we've got Papaduru here as a guest today.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Oh my gosh. Papa Duru. Look at you being consistent. Oh my gosh. I am so excited for our conversation today. I love just chatting with you.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Me too. I think I love it more.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

You think so?

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Yeah, and no, sir.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Oh. That's so sweet.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Chatting with my one and only daughter.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Period. So today I want to talk about something that I feel like I don't hear as much conversation about, but it's something that most of us deal with as adults and just like people that are navigating the world as big people. And that is just the concept of when life throws you curveballs. All right. So the unexpected happens. And honestly, I feel like as I'm getting older, right? As I navigate this thing called what life, it's almost like you have to get used to the idea that the unexpected will happen. Like I feel like my life these days is a whole bunch of, oh wow, I didn't see that coming. Like just a whole bunch of stuff that you don't see coming. It is the thing that comes. I think we should talk about it more to one, just show that like you're not alone in dealing with all the things that you may be dealing with. And like it's not, you're just not crazy. And I feel like the more you understand that this thing, right? The unexpected happening is a normal thing that happens with everybody, you won't make it as big of a deal as it, you know, you may be tempted to make it in your life. So let me start off with just things that have happened with me recently. So I'm actually a daddy in a season where I'm actually coming out of a season where I had a really big, unexpected um curveball thrown my way over the summer. And it really like rocked me, right? And it was, it was thing, it it like affected things like with my business and career, and then also like financially. There were two ways that I I could have gone about it, right? I could have let it be something that completely changes the trajectory of my life and I I think of things differently, right? I gave up on my career and all of the things, or I could use it as fuel to kind of propel me to like move forward and things like that. And I think just depending on who's in your ear and how you think about things can really change how like the decisions you make when curveballs come your way. Obviously, you are older than me.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

You are kidding.

Losing a Parent & Dealing with Grief

SPEAKER_00 2:57

I want to know how you've kind of navigated some of the big, you know, curveballs in your life. Because I think, you know, it could be anything: grief, death, um, financial setbacks, health setbacks. You know, just when life doesn't go as planned. I know, like growing up, I feel like there were some major moments in your life that, you know, the whole family could kind of tell it affected you, right? And because obviously whatever affected you affected us in some type of way, even though maybe you didn't realize that it was affecting us. But I think one of the major ones was probably like the loss of your parents. Yeah. Fun fact there was at a point in my childhood and in our lives, all four of my grandparents lived in this under the same roof.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Isn't that something?

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Isn't that something? And you know, I'll never forget because it used to be so annoying to me. At the time, I was like eight or nine years old or ten, and I just found it so annoying. Like, because it was a three-bedroom house, and there was like nine of us in there. And we were packed in there, and I would complain to my dad and my mom, and my dad would be like, one day you're gonna look back on this and and be like, wow, I lived with all four of my grandparents. And I guess that's today.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

As time went on, things happened, and now you know, uh, both of your parents have passed since then. And I feel like that really like affected you.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

It did. It did.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Can you tell us a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

It did. Because you know, we were really having fun, even though we were all crafted in that house. Yeah, it was fun for me because guess what? I left my parents when I was like very young. So uh when I finished high school and stuff, then I came here.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

So okay, you mean you immigrated to America?

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Um, you were like what, 19?

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

So, anyway, while we were living, it was everything was fine and loved, but from nowhere. From nowhere, I didn't see it coming. My father just died.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

I mean, let's also keep in mind your dad was 85 years old.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Yes, but then I wasn't look, I wasn't even thinking about his age. Because many times he told me, take me home. Oh he did, and that's one of my regrets today. When I think back, one day he told me, Listen, take me home. I want to go home.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

And when you say home, you mean Nigeria.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Nigeria. I I didn't even allow him to finish. I'm like, what are you going to do? Why are you going there to do? I'm here with you, and everybody's here, and you I want to go, want to go. He said, at my age, when it is time to go, I feel like going to home. Take me home to Nigeria. And it was like two or three weeks after that. I took him to the hospital, he never came back out.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Yeah, that was a time I was into housing, I was into trying to make my business work. I was doing a whole lot.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

So it also not only did it affect you because, like, obviously your father passed, but then it was also a big financial strain on you. The biggest because you had to uh ship uh fly his body back to Nigeria to get to went for his burial.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

First of all, to do the funeral here.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Money for the funeral home.

Building “Committee of Friends”

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Oh, you had we did a funeral here.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Oh, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Oh, we had a way keeping.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Yeah, it was in the funeral home until the wake, and then after that, yeah. It's a long process. Okay. So it it really hit me hard. I was so angry. I was not happy. And um one of the things that really happened that helped me that time was friends. And after that, I started this committee of friends.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Oh, is that how committee of friends?

SPEAKER_01 7:02

That's how I yes, committee of friends. I call it fellow comrades and committee of friends.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

That's you, you started that?

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Oh, gee.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

And ever since then, anybody who dies here, they come to my place, we raise money.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

And okay, so let's let's give them like clarity of what that means. I didn't know that. Yeah, oh my gosh. So essentially, what he's talking about is like one thing about Nigerians, they're gonna have like a group.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Oh, yes, you guys are so live by groups, yeah, especially the Ebos.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Yo, you guys love a group, and basically it's like an organized, like an organization that you pay dues monthly or whatever, and you come together and have different like events and stuff. After your dad passed, you like your friends basically helped you out, came together and like helped raise money so that you could give him a befitting burial, and then you could help um sh uh fly his body back to um Nigeria for him to have his burial there too. And you had to pay for all of those things. So it was tough for you because you didn't have finances at the time.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Um, so your friends came together, so you decided to like actually make it an actual like organization.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Organization, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Where and you call it committee of friends. Yes. Where anytime somebody in the community, if they experience like a death in the family, you guys come together and raise.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Contribute money.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yes, yes, that's what we do since ever since then. Wow. Ever since then, yeah. That's incredible. And we actually put money together, pay for the funeral home, and fly the person home. Like my last friend, my last friend that died, that you know. So we contributed money. This the money didn't come from the family. We put the money together for the funeral home, do the work, and put the body home to Nigeria and then give the family whatever balance we have uh left. So that really helped me.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Yes. But after my father died, my whole things became totally different. Because not only the pain from the loss of my dad, you know, ah I almost that was when I really lapsed into high blood pressure.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

The stress of it all.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

So, okay, so I bring this up because that, you know, obviously was a really major thing in your life that you didn't see coming, but it affected so much.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

So, so much.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

And the reason why, and this is why I think it's important to like talk about this, because as we're getting older, right, we're navigating all of these different things that are gonna happen at some point. Definitely. Unfortunately, like that is just the reality of life. And experiencing, you know, loved ones passing is definitely one. I'm at I feel like it's starting to happen for me, but like not really. But like maybe like aunts, yeah. I've seen like, you know, some of my aunts are starting to pass, and it's like, oh my gosh, like, hold on. And you don't plan for it because you think like you're just doing your thing and you're just enjoying life. Yeah. And then and then it comes. So looking back, right, knowing what you know now and just like thinking about how it affected you at the time, what do you think you would like do differently? If you could give yourself advice in that time and season of your life, like what would you tell yourself?

Preparing for Life’s Inevitable Moments

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Number one thing, even some of my friends when I tell that their um old parents come, I will advise them don't keep them too long here. Because the the the truth is this place may not be so conducive for them because they're not used to the cold. Okay. And then they at the age, they're not gonna be young again.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

So just take them home.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

So honor like your elderly parents' wishes about just like the living conditions they want to meet, they want to have.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Yes, where they have lived all their life is part of them. So let them go. And you see, this thing that costs savings.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Savings?

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Whatever you do, if you have five dollars, try to save one dollar out of it. Yeah, because things happen, yeah. Always, especially as children, just know for a fact that your parents are not gonna be here forever.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Ah, why would you say that?

SPEAKER_01 11:15

It is the truth as painful as it is.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

I don't like that.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Just like yes, yeah, just like my mom, just like my dad. I never knew that one day they will not be with me. And and it's one day, I know. Let me just tell you right now.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

No, let me just tell you right now, you better not go nowhere. Nobody wants to be in the where, but that's where that savings really does come in. Like you really do need to be saving your life.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

And then your children, like your children, my children. I'm using myself as an example, okay. And that is why when I talk to you and talk to your brothers, and that's one good thing I like about the fact that I talk with you a lot. Okay, and I really love that. At least we're talking now. You know that somehow one day I'm not gonna be here. Oh, okay. Okay, so it's talking. So when I talk to you guys, I'm like, just know, you just have to know, it's inevitable. Okay, so I tell your brothers, whatever you do, prepare for life now so that when you are not in the picture, you're able to handle yourself. Yeah, you're able to raise your own family, yeah, raise your children and stuff like that. It's it's is that's the way it goes. Yeah, so when life throws things at you like that, you know, is but you just have to hold on strong.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Because if you are not prepared, quite most time nobody prepares for that. And you see, some sometimes because things happen, we as parents, we know that these things are going to happen. So we have to prepare our children, not just by words, by actions and things we do, like will, financial things, you know. Okay, yeah, stuff like that. You have a will, yeah. That's what I'm working with. Yes, we're working on that. Oh my gosh, we're working on that. That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you and your brothers, and we because you know, you learn. Yeah, I went to a seminar the other last week, no, about three weeks ago about family trust. Wow, about you know, so you know, I'm we we're going to do all that.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

I need you to do that yesterday, daddy.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Yes, like yesterday for real.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

No, seriously.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Then tomorrow, no time is guaranteed.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

So, but thank God that He's given us grace to see today. So we ask for the grace for tomorrow so that we can do today and prepare for tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

That's a really good, actually, like lesson to know. Like, you prepare financially for the inevitable of your mortality. And you know, of course, we can hope and pray that like you, your parents, right, your siblings will be around for a long time. But that the truth is, you actually nobody actually knows how long we'll be on earth, which is so crazy, such a crazy thing. But this is the reality of being an adult, you know. So if you at least prepare yourself financially and like make sure you have something for a rainy day so that when those inevitable curveballs come, you at least will be prepared for that that way. But I do like that idea of just like the committee of friends, though.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

That is it helps. That is so good. So, what do you say to people that maybe aren't a part of like Nigerian culture, but like they want to be a part of something like that?

Financial Struggles & Learning to Save

SPEAKER_01 14:35

You can live life not belonging to somewhere, especially we immigrants that live here in America. This is not where we come from. We live here. Yeah. Now, if anything happens, especially my tribe, we the belief is some of us when we die, we want to be shipped back home to be buried there. And this money, so if you don't belong somewhere, at least besides having a life insurance, belong somewhere that at least death help can be instant, you know, can be handy right there on the spot before whatever plans or that plans uh manifest.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Okay, you know? Okay, death is definitely one of the things that are can be a big curveball. Let's talk about some other curveballs that kind of can be thrown your way. One of the things we talked about was finances, financial devastation, especially when you lose your job.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

When you lose your job, ooh.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

That's a big that's a big one. Yeah, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

When you lose your job, my God, that's you don't pray for that. Yeah. I had an experience of what it means to lose a job. When I was I wasn't married, then I was a bachelor. I was going to school. Yes. Struggling to pay school fees to blah blah blah blah. And then I got a security job.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

One night I was so tired. God, you can't believe this. I went to the ladies' bathroom and slept.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

The ladies' bathroom?

SPEAKER_01 16:05

I didn't know it was the ladies' bathroom. I thought it was the man. That was how tired and sleepy I was. Okay. So they found me and fired me on the spot. I cried like a baby. I cried like I lost. I cried because to get a job, then, you know, you didn't have your purpose. You were just doing all kinds. Oh, I cried. Oh my God. To parent, to pay school fees, to eat, to get on the subway. That's why sometimes when I see people begging on the street, I just give them something. Yeah. Even if I don't have.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

I try.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

I don't give because maybe I don't have. I try because I did. I have begged before.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Try? You begged for that?

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Yes, yes. I had no money to get on the train. I had no money. So, and that time the train ride was 75 cents. That was three words. Now it's three dollars. I just addressed it.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

It's three dollars now?

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Three dollars now.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

So now I saw one white guy. I was by DCAP train station in Brooklyn, Honey. Oh, Brooklyn, Brooklyn stand-up. And uh I saw the guy. You know, I would beg, I would whoever asked, can you help me? And but this white guy, I went to him and I told him I need, I need, I need help to get on the train to go to school. I don't have the money to go on. And he said, Where are you from? I said, I'm from Nigeria. He said, Are you not working? I said, No, I don't have a job. I just lost the security job I had. And then he said, Okay. He gave me a dollar and gave me a phone number. Told me, call me. And I did call him. I couldn't wait. I called him the next day. And then he told me to come. I don't remember the address somewhere. He had a dry cleaning business. And then he said, Can you work as a dry cleaner? Do you have experience? I said, I have not worked in a dry cleaning business before, but I know how I can wash with my hands and I can iron. But I'm ready to learn. Thank God for that man, wherever he is today. May God be with him, may God bless him. He gave me that job.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Wow. You know what's so interesting when devastation happens or just curveballs, the unexpected happens in our lives. Sometimes we feel like it's the end of the world, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Exactly.

Losing a Job & Finding Hope

SPEAKER_00 18:20

But one thing that I have realized is that there will always be like another opportunity and another opening that comes along the way that will help you. And that's how God works. Yeah. I'm really seeing that now. Um, because like for you, that was that was essentially that was like the end of the world.

SPEAKER_01 18:39

I thought I was going to die.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Yeah. And look, another opportunity came. So if you're listening and maybe that's us, you know, a place that you're in right now, like please understand and know that there will be like help is coming, like another blessing, it really is not the end of the world, and it may seem like it. It really may seem like it, but there's always going to be another like path that's gonna open up for you. The thing about like life is like people make the world go round, right? So it's like even if let's say, okay, there was a person in your life, and then maybe that person leaves. Now there's this void that's kind of empty that needs to be filled. But you'll be surprised, somebody else will come along to kind of like either fill the void or kind of help you get to your next step and and definitely somebody definitely, and that is why God is a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

God is real, yeah. And when things happen to you, yes, there are some people you talk to about what you're going through, they may laugh at you, but that's okay. They can laugh. But out of the multitude that you speak to, there's always one person that will always make a difference in you surviving that situation. I had a problem, you probably you know the problem before it took so many years, but I kept on always um talking about it. I know sometimes one that would tell me you talk too much. People are telling they're laughing at you. But then that's one particular guy who said, Man, you'll be talking about this, then the rest of this story.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

So in our day and age, or even I mean, you're experiencing social media now as well, right? So I think social media can also feel like a highlight reel, and you see, you know, so many people.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

It seems like everybody is doing so well. Yes. Right? And they're, you know, they're posting their accomplishments, whether it's they're getting into school, they bought a new house, they made this much money, they just had a new baby or whatever it is, right? And maybe you're not in a situation where you're happy with, you know, how things are going in your life. And, you know, so it kind of feels like you're alone in what you're going through. So what would you say to that?

SPEAKER_01 20:46

But you're not alone. You're not alone. Yes, you see all this glamour about people and stuff, you think you're not alone at all. Whatever situation you're going through, you are not alone.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Yeah.

Comparison, Social Media & Self-Worth

SPEAKER_01 20:58

But just believe that's always a way out.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Um, have you ever dealt with comparison? You comparing yourself to other people?

SPEAKER_01 21:07

It's it's sometimes common. You know, there's no way you will not be like that guy. Yeah. You know, he's doing well, everything's moving out, moving, you know, doing, and things are moving fine with him, and he's doing very, very well and stuff like that. And then you think about yourself. It's it's normal. Yeah. It's normal.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

But how do you like, how do you make sure that that like doesn't overtake you or impact?

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Yeah, because at my age now, now I know.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

I think comparing yourself can be good, just like maybe as like an inspiration, yes, more than anything, or just like a reminder that it's not impossible to get to certain heights and accomplishments and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Comparing myself to others, it gives me that strength to wait a minute, he's doing good. I'm also doing good in my own way. Uh-huh. You can you cannot be, you can't be everybody, but you also have your corner. You have also your being.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

So you're comparing yourself to other people. It's normal. It's nothing bad about that. But you're not comparing yourself to the point where you're gonna have to steal to be somebody else, right? Or do something bad to be somebody else. The only thing you can do is make effort.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

It's kind of like the saying, like, do they have two heads? Like, if this person could do that, then yeah, surely you can do it too. You know, so I think in that scenario, like comparison can be good. But if you're using it as a way to kind of like dwell on the things you haven't accomplished, or you know, you're feeling bad about yourself, then that's where comparison isn't.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

It's not uh it's not beneficial to you. Yes. And then you compare yourself to the point where you're gonna have to do something bad to be like somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

And you don't even know if there's some issues in their situation. You don't even know.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

You don't even know their situation.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

You actually don't know their situation at all. You don't know what they're dealing with behind the scenes.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Like this guy who was who was rich, you know, I'm not gonna mention his name. He was just arrested a couple of days, you know, in his plane and in sitting in um first class. He was, you know, he has real estate, he has that.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

He was just arrested?

SPEAKER_01 23:19

He was just arrested for that. It's a crime. For fraud? For fraud. Well, so yes, you can compare yourself, but you don't know the secret of their being. Yeah, just make your own effort and yeah, do walk according to what you can handle. Don't don't kill yourself over somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

I feel like I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm just like, I personally like I've learned that there's no point in comparing myself to people. It's a waste of time. I'm not them. And I honestly don't want to be them. And that cannot be you, and they can't be me because you genuinely like there's always gonna be a pros and cons to like every single person in their life. That is true. Right? So it's like, I would rather deal with like my pros and my cons because I know what I'm dealing with, which I'm you, but I don't know what other people are dealing with. But you know, I see their pros, yeah, but I have no idea what they're doing with me. I don't see what is behind that. You don't know what they're dealing with. And people be dealing with some things.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

I'm telling you. If you only know what they're going through, you'll be like, thank God, I'm good.

Knowing When It’s Time to Pivot

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Obviously, it's all about change and pivots, right? Um, because a lot of times you're gonna have to pivot as you grow. And um I think at least for me, like I'm embracing the concept of a pivot now because I'm realizing that like life is a marathon, right? So seasons will change, right? Maybe the first 10 years look some way and then another 10 years will look another way. And I'm learning just the concept of embracing pivots now, you know? So how do you like recognize when it's time to maybe it's time to pivot or it's time to change?

SPEAKER_01 25:04

It's based on individual understanding of oneself, yeah. You know, you know, definitely that that is why sometimes comparing to somebody else sometimes can be also can come in also handy too. At a time when you know it's time to make a change, yeah. Because you see you're doing the same thing over and over and over.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Okay. You can't be doing the same thing over and over and then expecting a different result.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Yeah, like if it's not working or something.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Yes. So you know when it's not working, it's time to make a little change. Only you will know at the point. Yeah. Because I wouldn't know.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

Only you will know what you're going through, what your your achievements, your failures, you will know. Because I knew some, I had to make some changes.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

I know that I had to make some changes.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Yeah. Because I think in life, there is there are these periods, right? It's kind of like the the transition before your next level, or maybe that pivot, right? So there's that space and gray area of your life where now you're kind of thinking about like maybe things aren't working out like they used to, or you're just feeling within yourself like something needs to change because maybe you're getting like um, you're getting an inclination about what's to come. And you're just like, okay, if I keep going this way, it's probably not gonna end well. And I think it's important as you, you know, are maturing and you're an adult to really lean into that, right? Lean into yourself, lean into those like feelings that you're starting to feel, right? Because it is that is your indicator that a shift is coming and it may be it's time to like prepare for such a shift, you know what I mean? Because I feel like that's kind of what happened with me. And you know, we all have like for you, you you may not have recognized it obviously at the time, but the time before you got the opportunity to immigrate to America from Nigeria, like that was a big pivot in your life. Yes, because that wasn't your original plan. No, wait, so you were applying to law school, yes, and then I applied the first year. You didn't get in?

SPEAKER_01 27:12

I didn't get it. Okay, then that second year that you applied, that second year the second year I didn't apply, but I left it. I had I went to what is called a teacher training college.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Teacher training college?

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Yes, and became a teacher.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Then the third year I tried it. You tried to apply to law school again, exactly. But when I was doing that, I was uh my aunt now have told me to come to America, so you had a choice to make. A choice, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:38

You do you stay in Nigeria, go to law school, or go to America?

SPEAKER_01 27:42

And it was a difficult decision then because at the time that that I took the exam the third time, I got that mission.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Oh, you got admission to launch?

Choosing Between Law School & America

SPEAKER_01 27:52

And then already have my visa to go to America, and at the time, America was like, oh boy, everything about America is like God. It seems like so. But my father told me, forget this glamour. He was headmaster, the headmaster is like a principal of uh high school.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Yeah, so he told me, Listen, you see America, you can still go there. But this is why sometimes I tell you, sometimes I tell I tell you the thing my father told me.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

He said, go, you're only going to spend four years and you have your law degree, and you are so good, your English is perfect, you are your reason is perfect. After you get your law degree, you can still go to America.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Who's to say you would have the opportunity to do that?

SPEAKER_01 28:43

No, that's what he said to me. Yes, but then when I'm sitting with my mother, you know, my mommy's boy. Yeah, my mother would tell me, Listen, look at you, you are almost an American. Look at how handsome you are, my son. Go to America. Forget this. And that was so you decided to listen to the time. So while my father was talking, I kept looking at him. Then he will finish. I'll go to my mother. That's funny. But then you know, when my father came here, the first question he asked me said, Where's your law degree? Hey, whoa, all your brand, all you have is a bachelor's degree. Where's your master's? Where's your Ph? Where's the lawyer? I told you you would have been here with that law degree. So that a lesson, miss. So when I tell you, see, you you do what you're doing, you can still do what you're doing, but get this. That is the root.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Oh, I didn't know that. Yes, yo, I'm learning so many things about you. So actually, to that point, do you wish you like if you could go back, do you wish you would have gotten the law degree?

SPEAKER_01 29:45

You know, that's a very good question. And uh, well, giving my life here now, giving my life, uh, I wouldn't, I don't regret it. Okay, I don't regret it because you know, I could have gone that route probably. May have worked that good. It may not have worked out good. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

But what I do know is the life I'm living now is good.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Yeah. And I think that's important to like recognize when it comes to just like decision makings for those like pivotal moments in your life. You have to kind of weigh, yeah. You have to weigh your level of regret about something in the future. And I think that that's how you kind of like balance major decisions to make, right? Because ultimately it's you that has to live with the decisions that you make and whatever outcomes come out of it. Yes. So for you, it's like even you had two options, right? Go to law school and then possibly, possibly go to America again if that opportunity. If that opportunity to come, because that opportunity was not guaranteed. Or, you know, you take the opportunity to go to America now and see what happens. For you, I think you probably would have regretted not going to America more than not getting a law degree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

I think so. Yeah. I think so.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Um personally, I must say, I'm glad you decided to go to America. Um I'm a little biased, but you know. I got you. Yeah. Okay, that's interesting. Because I think that's also a thing about life, right? You're gonna get the curveballs, don't only have to be like bad things, right? They're you're gonna get curveballs where like they're cool opportunities that come and you have to decide, do you want to do this or not? Yes. You know? So I think for me, my curveball, my good curveball was like that the uh the opportunity or decision to like, or opportunity to do content creation full-time or like go to medical school. Like that was my thing. Because I didn't know that, you know, going into college four years from now, I would have built up this like um platform that now could possibly become a viable like career option. I didn't know that, right? So that was a curveball that came and now I was hit with the decision wait, which one, which way do I go? I use that same like rationale of like figuring out which one would I regret more if I didn't follow through with it. And I when I thought about it, I'm like, yeah, if I didn't get a medical degree, I mean, if I didn't become a doctor, like when I thought about it, I was like, I don't think I would be that mad because I know that there are other options I can take in life. Whereas me not like actually giving my platform and content creation like my full attention and like seeing what could come out of it, I knew that I would regret that in 25 years, like always thinking about what would have happened if I had taken it seriously. That's how I made my decision. I think that's probably just like a nugget that I would give everyone in terms of like when those major decisions come in your life, where those curveball opportunities come, think about that. Right.

The Curveballs That Lead to Purpose

SPEAKER_01 32:57

And the good thing is like in your own situation, yes, not going to uh medical school was a big thing, but you followed what you want to do. Yeah, and the the the the good thing is that you did it and you're satisfied and you're happy. Yeah, that's that's the good thing. And in life, if you are not faced with such decisions, that means you're not active in life. Yes, I I tell your brother, that tell you your two brothers. That's it at this point. Do you have choices? Oh yeah, because having choices, face with decision, means you are doing something. You are doing so many things. There are so many good things. That's should I take this one? Should I do this? Should I do that? If you are not in that situation, then your activities are not really, really active.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

Yeah, having to like make major decisions is a sign, it's a good sign. It's a good sign. You're living life.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

So it's not a bad sign at all.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Yeah. And I think with whatever choice you do decide to make, because I think a mistake that we can make as like just you know, as we're growing up and living life, is being indecisive and never actually making a choice. I know, you know, like, yeah, you have choices, but you're not actually choosing one.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

An indecision is a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Yeah. So whatever, like you need to like decide on something and be okay with whatever outcome comes, because you're never gonna know what it was gonna be if you went with the other way. Because you never know. You're not gonna know. So you gotta just gotta pick one, and then you need to give it your full attention, like give it your actual all.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Um so that in the end, you know it was your decision.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

Yeah, and like whatever happens, you know that you did your absolute best, you tried your best, you put your best foot forward.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

And that is why you notice I've slowed down as far as marriage for you. Oh no, I've doubled down, married, married this, married, I've doubled down. Like, let her let her make her choice and live.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Like, she's been making decent choices so far, so maybe I'll just let her. So she knows, she knows. Yeah, I think it's good to remember that like it's okay to not have everything figured out, like life kind of unfolds as you go.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

I know, yeah, I know, and that's where we pray. Yeah, God help us, whatever decision we make.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Yeah, whatever the situation is that you're facing right now, like everything, like there's a season for everything. So, like, just no change is inevitable. Like, oh yeah, the situation is gonna change somehow. It just is. That's the way life goes, you know. To your point, like if you're not having to like make major decisions, if you're not even experiencing like those curveballs, right? The ups and downs, the different emotions, something and right, then you're not living life. Yes, no, seriously, no like that's life, seriously, that's what it's about. Yeah, you know, it's a good thing, it's a good thing, to be faced with obstacles because you there's a lot of energy in you.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

You want to do this, you want to do this, you want to do it. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's a sign that you're really doing good. No, seriously, look at it. You can't be in one spot and just stay there.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Yeah, you gotta launch out, try different things, you can't stay. You should be feeling nervous, yeah. You should have some anxiety about it, right? You should be going back and forth in your mind. Should I do this? Should I not? That's that means you're living, babes.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

And another good thing about a decision that you have taken, that's also other decisions ahead. Decisions never end.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

Yo, that's the thing that we like, whoa, yeah, there's more to come. There's more, exactly, but you won't also be able, you won't get there unless you focus on the decision that you gotta make right now. Very, very life, it's never ending. Yes, well, any encouragement for our viewers and listeners today?

Faith, Family, and Hard Decisions

SPEAKER_01 36:55

Yes, of course, as always, whatever you like, whatever one and the thing you're going through, just yeah, you're not alone. And if you are not confronted with decisions in life, chances are you are just in the same spot. Challenge yourself. If you're a businessman and you're dealing with uh selling bread and you're making money, good, sell bread, and then also you could add another bottle to it. That's a decision. So always challenge yourself. Don't be in at one spot, yeah, you know, and don't regret any decision that you have taken. You have taken it yourself. You just deal with it and then do best. Another decision comes, just pray and take the decision and learn from your mistakes. And learn from your mistakes. Thank you. And learn from your mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

Yeah, and if and making mistakes is a lot, it's a part of life too. You know, somebody told me recently that like failure isn't actually failure, it's just a lesson learned.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

And the strength too.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Because if you haven't failed, you wouldn't know what it means not to fail. So if you fail, don't stay there. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Like it's actually just building your muscles, and you're building your capacity to be able to handle disappointment.

SPEAKER_01 38:23

You know, sometimes I just wonder. I maybe you get it. I think I'm intelligent, but you're in the level of your intelligence scares me. You are so in, I'm telling you. I tell your mother, I'm like, whenever Chizin wants to talk, I get nervous. Because her analysis, her reasoning, for real though, I give I'm not saying it because you're here, my daughter. No, I mean I deal with paper lands, but for your age and the things that you see, you believe in the decisions you make, the things you because it takes a strong person to face strong decisions. Yeah, and you started long time ago, yeah, to decide. I want to do this, and I'm gonna you and you you have a strong, you are how do I put it? Strong willed, strong, you're open, you're very bold, bold, but your opinions are strong. You very opinion, you you stay strong with your opinion, headstrong. You know, sometimes when we don't do according to your advice, we feed a pen. Remember one day you called us and you said, and I would never forget that day when we were going through stuff.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

They were going through some financial stuff. My god, and I had to sit the family down like we are kids.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

You put on a bibliography. You brought a blackboard, a whiteboard, a whiteboard, stand it up, and with your pen, and um mommy sit down, daddy sit down. Why wouldn't why didn't we record that? Daddy, how much are you making? I say it, you write it down, mommy. How much are you making? And after all that, you said, listen, do this today. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

No, because I am a solution-oriented person. Like when I see a problem, my my natural instinct is to find a solution. And if I have the solution, I'm gonna offer it. And yeah, that's you, and yeah, y'all didn't listen.

Lessons on Growth & Resilience

SPEAKER_01 40:27

And that's that's why they listen. The man that will lucky will be the man that will marry you. I'm telling you, all I know is he won't be smart, he will be my he'll he will marry brands, beauty, beauty, money. BVM, I'm telling you, oh wait, BBM, brands, beauty, beauty, money, money. That is you cannot go wrong. Whoever that's gonna be that lucky man, hey, don't waste time, go for it. I know exactly what I'm talking about. If I'm um anyway, let me not summon somebody. So let me just leave it like that.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

But honestly, when I told you there have been so many times where like I've questioned myself, right? I've doubted, I've just doubted my thoughts or like my dreams or like decisions that I'm making or things like that. But I'm as I'm getting older and I'm maturing, I'm like, no, like how I think and how you think, right, is it's your gift. And you have to like, you have to start honing in on what makes you you because those are gonna be your strengths and gifts and like help you navigate life, you know what I mean? So yeah, now I'm learning like, oh, I do have a gift to like see beyond. To do and it's like, and I like to find solutions to things. So if I and I offer it, but I've realized sometimes people won't listen to the advice you give them. And it's like, okay, I I cannot control what other people are doing. Yeah, all I could do is control my own life, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 41:56

Just naturally. You remember one time, long time ago, you may not remember. I went to go and buy merchandise crossing mycombs bridge. I was with you and your brothers from out of the clear blue sky. You ask me, Daddy, with what you're doing now, besides what you're doing now, what else are you looking up to?

SPEAKER_00 42:23

When did I say that?

SPEAKER_01 42:24

In the car. How how old were you then? Or what year was it? I don't think we have moved to Rockland.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Oh, so we were still in the Bronx.

SPEAKER_01 42:33

I think we are still in the Bronx.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

Oh, so I was like less than 11 years old.

SPEAKER_01 42:37

Yes, you were like 10, uh 9, 10, 11.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

I froze. I was driving. I'm like, who in the world asked me this question?

SPEAKER_00 42:46

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

What I kept on driving. Oh my god. Wow. When I came home, I said to your mother, I said, This child, who is this? Who is this child? I said, look at what she asked me. Did somebody tell her to ask me that? Oh wow, just like that. Yeah, you know, at that age, yeah, that's young.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

The way God works, like we're all meant to be who we are already, right? We come out with all the things that are already inside of us.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

You are gifted, you are really, really gifted. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 43:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

Well, and there we have it, folks.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

We'll probably just end on that note. There's obviously so much to talk about, but um, yeah, whatever you're going through, just first of all, know that God has given you honestly everything that you need. Like, there is so much inside of you that you probably haven't even tapped into yet.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

So sometimes also you go through obstacles to be able to like um, it expands you, it stretches you, it challenges you. And that's probably where like a lot of your best ideas are going to come from, right? So embrace the challenges. I know it sucks and I know it's hard, but listen, in the end, you're gonna look back and go, wow, yes. I I got through that, and it made me a better person.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 44:20

You know? So, well, thank you, Daddy, for joining us again.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 44:25

We will see you guys in the next episode. And make sure you are subscribed, you're downloading the podcast, you're sharing it with your friends, and catch you guys later. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 44:36

Bye bye.