I Guess I’m an Adult Now...

I’m a Depressed Christian on Medication. Let’s talk about it – Ep 14

• Chizi • Season 2 • Episode 14

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In this episode, I open up about my mental health journey! Starting antidepressants as a Christian, unlearning the stigma around medication, and finally feeling normal for the first time in my adult life.

Chapters
0:30 — Early Signs of Depression & Anxiety
6:20 — Finding My First Therapist
8:30 — Understanding Anxiety and Compulsive Habits
10:00 — Learning to Name My Emotions
11:20 — 7 Years of Therapy and Still Learning
13:00 — When Faith Meets Mental Health
14:00 — “I’m on Medication Now, and I Feel Great”
16:00 — Sobriety, Isolation, and Facing Myself
18:00 — Taking the Depression & Anxiety Assessment
22:00 — The Stigma Around Medication
23:30 — “I Didn’t Realize I Had Bias Against Meds”
31:00 — Can Christians Take Medication?
34:00 — Choosing Yourself Over People’s Opinions
36:00 — Why Faith and Meds Can Coexist
38:00 — A Year Later: Peace, Clarity, and Balance
39:20 — “This Is My First Normal Year”


You can also listen on:
Apple: 
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-guess-im-an-adult-now/id1810057948 

Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/6RTnICKr8KoafopcFoOLqR?si=ef446f1c3802432e 

Catch up on:
The very first episode of Season 1 ⬇️
I’m Starting Life Over at 29 - Ep 01 
https://youtu.be/rucAJBDkc3c

You might like ⬇️
An Honest Conversation with my African Dad on Addiction - Ep09
https://youtu.be/_j8TtWodLcc

There's more for Season 2⬇️
Am I still Christian? Navigating Religion as an Adult - Ep 12
https://youtu.be/ahU5uaDd7DM?si=PNVY2iRoYlYmFn_d

Should you be a Content Creator in 2025? - S2 Ep 11
https://youtu.be/xymT216OLOE?si=cjGS2QQXJjPBkB5-

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SPEAKER_00:

Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. It's your girl Chizzy. And if you are watching or tuning in on YouTube, then yeah, as you can see, I am laying down. I'm tired, okay? I am tired. I am one person. And today the body is saying lie down, please, bliss, bliss. But I'm sure many of you guys can relate. Like, life is almost. I'm tired. So long as I'm showing up, that's what matters. So speaking of showing up, today I'm gonna be sharing my journey uh with depression, anxiety, and getting treated, well, diagnosed and treated at 28 slash 29 years old. Yeah, today we're just gonna be talking about my mental health journey. And I really want to talk about this because I mean, you guys know I'm very uh vocal about mental health. I think mental health is really important. And as women, right, I think it is so important, and then also as women of color, and on top of that, it's like African. So it's just like I feel like I come from a community and a space where mental health isn't spoken about enough. And I just want to do my part in just creating more spaces to have conversation and understanding around it because I know that it will save someone's life. That's how important it is. Okay. All right, so let's talk about the early signs. Honestly, I feel like going as far back as maybe middle school, high school was when I really started to notice a shift in um my behaviors and my thoughts. I would say my thoughts definitely got a darker. Um, like the older I started getting into my teenage years, um, which is, you know, they say normal, but there's also a level of normal that's like, okay, is this really normal? I think not. I think not. There's still aspects of my story that I don't think I'm ready to talk about just yet, but I'm getting there. I'm getting there. But just know that there have been experiences, right? We all go through traumas, but there have definitely been experiences in my life that I would say caused the change in behaviors. Things from childhood, things that happened to me uh later down the line. But I think, especially as children, children and teenagers, when you start noticing changes in their behavior, like there's something is going on. Something is going on. Either old stuff from childhood is coming up, and it's like they they don't have words to put it in, so they start lashing out, or something happened, right? Or maybe they're having an experience in school that's causing their their the change in behaviors. But either way, for me, I remember in high school, you know, I would joke around with my friends. We'd always be like, Oh, I'm so depressed, da-da-da-da-da. But I never felt like I was actually like depressed, depressed. But I do think I was sad. I was definitely sad as a teenager. And what I did a lot was, um, like you guys know, if you listen to my previous episode with my um about my addiction to marijuana, then you know that in high school I started drinking, I started partying, um, and then eventually in college, I started like smoking. But I just tried to cover it up by like partying and like just doing dangerous stuff because that felt soothing, honestly. So, which is like so crazy to think about now. Yeah, so that was high school, and then in college, you know, I was, you know, busy with uh schoolwork and all the things I was involved in, but I did notice that like I was sad, like I would always have bouts of sadness, and I was always in my head a lot, right? I always had a lot of thoughts. It was post-college that I would say it got really bad, and I started to realize, like, yo, I okay, I I'm really sad, you know, like I was just like, does everybody feel this way or no? And it's like when I would talk to people, I'm like, I don't think, I don't think everybody's this sad all the time or like this in their head, or you know, and I think what made the issue worse for me um post-college was um I no longer was in school, right? And then I had an unconventional job as a content creator, so I was home alone. Well, not home alone, but like I was alone a lot of times, right? I'm not clocking into work, I'm not going in somewhere. So I think that isolation also was not good for my mental health. And we all know in general, isolation is not good for anyone's mental health. And then as a girl that grew up in the suburbs of New York, Rockland County stands up, um, I was just like far away from the city. So it was just, it was not, it was a recipe for disaster. So my mental health definitely took a very large decline post-college. And I think that plus the habit that I had already formed around just destructive behaviors, drinking and partying and smoking, all of those things I started doing even more. And it just made it, it was just a mess. Okay. In 2018, this was a year after I started, um, after I had graduated from college, I started going to therapy. Like I went on Google and I looked up the therapist near me, or did I put in Christian? I think I may have put in Christian therapist, I don't know why, but I did. And, you know, I found myself a therapist and started going to a therapist. Why? Because I knew that I needed to talk to someone. Like I knew that what I was experiencing was not normal. And I also was aware that people couldn't really tell that I was like struggling. So that's why I knew that I had to get help for myself because I was like, if not, I would just like fly under the radar and no one would ever know like what was wrong with me. And then, like, God forbid something happens to me later, they would all be like shocked, you know, like there were no signs. But it's like, bruv, I was in my room all the time. Like all of the time. Like, babe, come on. Funny enough, I started going to therapy because the the emotion that I could connect to was that I felt depressed. I didn't know any other word for any other feeling that I was feeling. All I knew was I was sad and I didn't know why I was sad. But if you've ever been to therapy, right, you know that it's never really just one thing. There's usually there's something that's underlying that like initial reason that you're there. So whether it's sadness or you feel like you're angry all the time, like usually it's not just that, there's something under it. Another thing that I knew that I was dealing with and I didn't understand why was like just compulsive um action. So like I bite my nails till this day. And it's something that I started doing as a kid, and I always thought that I would grow out of it because that's what they always say. Like, y'all, if my eyelashes start falling off, y'all better tell me. What I didn't know at the time, right? I could identify with sadness, but when my therapist, because I've had like two main therapists in my adult life, when I started complaining about like the nail biting and stuff, she was like, usually that's like a nervous habit. Like, are you anxious or nervous about anything? And I thought she was gaslighting me because I'm like, I'm telling you that I'm biting my nails. Are you asking me, am I nervous about anything? Like, I don't know, I don't know why it made me so bad. Like, I just wanted answers and I wanted to fix it and I wanted to stop biting my nails. But unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. You have to be able to figure out the root of the feeling that you're trying to soothe, right? One, you have to be able to identify the feeling that you're trying to soothe, because that's what it was. Like any type of nervous habit you're doing because you're trying to soothe a feeling or an emotion, and then you gotta also figure out what is triggering that emotion in the first place. So, yes, I was biting my nails because I was anxious about something, right? Or nervous, feeling nervous about something. But why was I feeling nervous? That is something that I'm I had to like work through, and that doesn't take two seconds, right? Because now you're really getting into like the nitty-gritty of what's going on, you know? That was my introduction to the concept of anxiety. So, again, like I said, depression, I could name sadness, cool. I I know that is something I'm experiencing, but anxiety, I never considered myself an anxious person because my understanding of anxiety was because I used to have like I had a friend that was like very anxious um when we were younger, and so that was my idea of anxiety. Uh fearful, like anxious, like just like fearful. And I just I didn't identify as fearful, but I'm realizing and I learned then that like anxiety doesn't just have one look, it doesn't present just in one way. It can show up in different ways. Some of those things can be through compulsive actions. So maybe you shake your leg a lot, or you bite your nails, or you pull at your hair, or right, OCD, you have to clean everything. Like these are different ways in which anxiety can present itself. Even people that, and anxiety is a normal thing, right? This is a feeling that we you're gonna get as a human being. So it's not that anxiety is bad, it's when you can't seem to regulate it, right? And now it's taking over, right? And it's causing you to do things that are affecting your quality of life. That's when it's like, okay, what's going on here? We gotta like figure that out. Cool. So, anywho, so all of these things are movements to kind of like soothe something, right? A feeling in your body. And for me, that something, that feeling was anxiety, and I didn't realize that I had that. I didn't realize that that's what I was like struggling with. And then also, like, again, now that I could name that, we had to figure out what was causing the anxiety too. Oh, let me also make a disclaimer. I'm not a mental health psychiatrist, counselor, licensed therapist. I am none of those things. So please, this is not medical advice, this is just my experience and my opinions. Thank you. All right, so it's interesting now, like looking back, because I started therapy in 2018, right? It's 2025. Wow, that's wow. That was seven years ago. Wow. When it comes to therapy, if any of you guys are ever like thinking about it, just know that it really is something that takes time because working through like your feelings, and it's not just your feelings, but yes, your feelings, the experiences you've been through, and understanding it, like having your brain understand the concepts and certain things being introduced to you that you just didn't think correlated. It's it's not something that is gonna get fixed in one to two sessions, like man. And I remember like going to her office, and after a while, I just felt like it wasn't working because I was just like, I'm still dealing with the same things, I'm still biting my nails, babe. Like, but it's like it really is a process. That was a sidebar, but it really is a process. That's crazy. Let's talk about the decline again. High school, college, post-college, it gets worse by 2022. You guys know I had like a really uh radical experience and encounter with, you know, the Lord Jesus Christ. And for about six months, I actually was doing really well. Like depression and anxiety, I didn't feel like those things as much. But like most things, unfortunately, I think sometimes we can use religion or spirituality as I don't want to say a cover-up, right? Because I do think I experienced a level of healing in the uh in the um area of depression and anxiety. But I think based off of the experiences that you've had in life, how do I explain it? The things you have to work through, right, does not go away just because Christ is now in your life. Does that make sense? Right? Like you still need to learn how to process your emotions, you still need to learn how to regulate your emotions, you need to learn how to name the emotions, right? And recognize them in your body. About six months after we could almost even say I experienced the high of Christ, right? Reality starts to set back in, and what happens? I'm depressed. Depressed, my God. It was bad, actually. Like I was really like, you know, I was going through the ups and downs of depression again, and you know, what that looked like for me was I I would be in bed for days at a time, couldn't concentrate on anything. Um, I just like the thoughts, I would have thoughts just ruminating in my head all day long. Like, I never realized how many like negative thoughts were actually going on in my mind consistently and constantly until recently when I started getting treatment um for depression and anxiety. And we're gonna talk about that a little later, but just spoiler alert, I'm on medication now, y'all. I'm on medication and I feel great. Okay, but we're gonna talk about that, all right? So yeah, so this was going on for months, and then, you know, of course, by this point, you have to also understand, I'm not smoking weed no more. I'm not smoking marijuana anymore. Because I thought maybe it was also the marijuana that was like making the depression worse and the anxiety worse, which a lot of times that's what it does. You know, a lot of people say it helps their depression and anxiety, and I beg to differ, girl. I I I beg to differ. I'm so happy that I quit because it now allowed me to actually figure out what was going on beyond the substance use, you know, because the substance use was just that was the band-aid. That was just what I was doing to soothe. So now that we took that out, we could actually start to like get to the root of some stuff. Again, I've had two therapists. So the first therapist uh was a uh Caucasian uh, I want to say mid-maybe mid-50s. She was Caucasian, mid-50s. I enjoyed her though, she was great. Sometimes I felt like she was gaslighting me, but I don't think she meant it, right? I think there was just a cultural difference sometimes, and then also I think I just there were a couple of things that I couldn't piece together in my mind about it, about like what I was going through and why I wasn't making progress. And I kind of blamed her for it. And it's like it wasn't her fault. She tried her best, you know. My second therapist is currently a uh black woman, and I think she, you know, black don't crack, so I don't know how old she is, honestly. But um, she's also Christian, which I actually really like and I felt like I needed after a while because there were just some things that although I understand science, like I wanted to be able to talk about my spiritual life too. Not that that would be the answer to everything, but just knowing that there was somebody that at least understood that language, you know? So 28, 29 came around, right? 28 specifically. 28, this time last year was probably the worst I've I'd ever been mentally. And I was just, you know, constantly complaining to my therapist. I lacked motivation, I wasn't productive. Um, I it's like I knew the level that I could operate on, but it's like I my mind and my body could not seem to get with the program of what I actually wanted to do and and knew I was capable of doing. And then again, the the thoughts, they were constant, constant. Oh, you didn't oh oh you didn't do that today. Oh, you've gained so much weight, oh you don't look nice, oh you said you were gonna do this, you can't do like oh my gosh, it was actually like ridiculous. Like it was really ridiculous. And again, I did not realize how constant the thoughts were until the medication started to kick in. So let's talk about getting diagnosed and getting treated. Last year, around this time, actually, yeah, I was not doing well mentally. I really was not doing well, I was just like zoned out all the time. Like, and again, I'm sober. You gotta, I'm sober. I wasn't even drinking at that time. Like, I was sober, and I would just like couldn't concentrate. I would just like watch movies all day or like scroll on social media, but I would just be in bed all the time. Like I could not find motivation, hope, zeal. Like I just I didn't trust myself to complete anything that I said I wanted to do because in the past I'd say I wanted to do something, but then I wouldn't actually do it. So that also, you know, when you have that pattern, it causes you to lose confidence in yourself and your abilities, unfortunately. Um, so I think that was also what was happening. And yeah, it was just like I was just sad. Like I just was just sad. And again, I'm reading my Bible, okay, going to church, listening to the worship music, trying to have the quiet time. But it's like I, if you've ever been depressed and tried reading the Bible, you don't even have the motivation to open the Bible. Like, you know what I mean? I remember, you know, at this point, I'm telling my therapist all these things, and she's hearing me, you know, I'm going to her week after week. The first thing that happened was she told me to um take an assessment for uh depression, anxiety, and um PTSD. So it's like this assessment that you can take to see like where your levels are are at and stuff. I don't know why she didn't give me this before, but I guess she felt like, you know what, this this is time. Like we need to like actually check you out. And do you guys know that you want to know what my assessment said? I have to actually go find it. Let me let me go find it so I could just read it. Let me get you the because I I need to give you the documents, okay. The crazy part is I got this back in October. It is October right now, a year later. Major depressive disorder, moderate, generalized anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder. Like when I say essentially, like my levels were so high, like I'll never forget like the therapy session after we got the results back, and she was like, um, your levels came back really, really high. Like, and I'm just like, I'm okay. And there was just something about seeing it on paper, right? Getting an assessment done and like realizing, oh, like this really isn't normal. Like, oh, and it's like I've experienced some level of this degree of like these die, these um like depression and anxiety and all of that. I've experienced these things for years, but this was the first time that I was actually getting like diagnosed with something, and just also seeing just like the level of the scale, right? And I'm like, as compared to somebody that is like, you know, normal or whatever. And again, sadness, anxiety, like all these things, these are these are normal feelings and emotions to have. So it's not like you you're never gonna be sad ever, right? It's not like you're never gonna be fearful or anxious about something ever. Again, it's just like if it's to the point that it's affecting your quality of life, that's when you're like, that's when you need to start looking into it, right? And I know for me, it was definitely, definitely affecting my quality of life. You know, funny enough, some people won't see what's going on, but like there are people maybe like close to me or that's in my team that would be able to tell you how it was showing up for me. So, like if you ask my team, the way I would just disappear, like I would literally disappear for weeks at a time. That is not like, and like for a long time, and it would bring me so much shame because like I felt bad, but I also just could not show up. Like, oh, it's terrible. It was a terrible time. It was actually a terrible time. So, anyway, after getting all of this, you know, getting the assessment back and everything, my therapist suggested antidepressants, and I was immediately like, antidepressants, like, no, you know, like I'm a progressive girly, very progressive, but antidepressants, right? Medication for mental health was actually where I drew the line. And I didn't realize that I had stigma around it because I just always thought that like medication for mental health was like like you had to be like like really bad, like really cuckoo, cuckoo for cocoa pups, okay? And I did not realize that I had stigma around medication. And I we really had to work through it because I just like felt bad, like I was just like antidepressants, like like I don't know, like that just felt so serious. Like that felt so serious. But one of the things that my therapist said that really helped me was, you know, she had been working with me now for about a year or two, no, three years, yeah, because she started, yeah. Um, and she saw the decline, right? And she she just like put it this way she was like, a lot of people when they get to this space that you're in, yes, you haven't lost all hope just yet, but what happens after this is a hopelessness. And that's when it's it becomes very dangerous, right? Now you're a danger to yourself because there's no hope. Like you don't feel like there's any hope left for you. And she was like, I don't want you to get to a point where you start to actually lose hope. So get getting on medication is something that can help you just get over the hump so that you can start to do those daily tasks, right? And start doing the things that you set out to do, which will help build your confidence. And it's gonna make you and she was like, ultimately, girl, it's gonna make you feel better. There's she was like, There's not one person that has gone on antidepressants that she's worked with that was like sad that they started antidepressants. They all are like, I should have started this sooner, kind of thing. So she helped me, you know, find a psychiatrist to work with. I actually ended up working with a psych nurse. Shout out to the NPs, the nurse practitioners. Um, but yeah, she was just like, you know, I've heard all the things that you have said to me and just like how much you seem to struggle with just like your daily, just daily tasks. And she was like, Life is hard, but life should not be this difficult. And I don't know, like her saying that was so like it almost like it's almost like it gave me permission to like have grace for myself and know that like it actually doesn't have to be this hard. Like, cause it was like guys, I almost like I almost I'm starting to feel emotional just thinking about it, like how hard it used to feel. I did not want to get out of bed. Filming, filming felt like such a chore, like, and it's so funny and crazy because this is actually what I enjoy doing, right? This is why I've made it a career, but like the thing that I once enjoyed feels so hard, and it has felt hard for eight years. Can you can you actually believe that? Like, this is how long I've been carrying this. So she was like, you know, it doesn't, it shouldn't be this hard. And um yeah, this this and it's not medication isn't something that I have to be on forever, but at least get to a point where I'm like, you know, doing the daily tasks because I wasn't doing nothing, girl. Like, it's actually insane. It's insane, like when I really think about it. And it was affecting every part of my life, right? Business, um, my personal life. Like it was just, yeah. So naturally I started to do a lot of research, right? Because, girl, I gotta do the research. I don't want to just take medication for no reason, right? Um, some of the concerns that I had was weight gain because I heard that, you know, a lot of people that get on antidepressants or anxiety medications, like Lexapro, like it's notorious for causing people to gain weight. And I'm like, listen, I've worked so hard to lose this weight, I'm not finna gain no weight back. So the psych nurse that I worked with, you know, we had to go through a couple of different medications down the list. I actually, so the one I ended up choosing again, this is not medical advice, but I ended up going with Effectsor, which she was like, she said, this I personally, I'm not, this is not something that she likes to recommend on the first try because it's one of those meds that like you cannot go, like you cannot quit cold turkey. Some other ones you could like maybe miss a day or two. This one, like you have to stay on it and take it every single day. And I it's true, it's true. After about a month, that's when the meds start to kick in. That and the my psych nurse told me to give it like six months to a year. But I would, you know, even when I started the meds, I was still like hesitant about it. But about a month in, I actually started to do better and feel better. And when I took my um assessment again, right, for the depression, the anxiety, and PTSD, my my numbers were lower. And since then, my numbers have progressively gotten lower over time, except for maybe like a this past summer, right? Where I was going through what I was going through and my numbers spiked up again. But it's like when I say this is the best thing that I ever did for myself, and it's so funny because my my nurse told me, she was like, Trust me, you in in about six months, you're gonna be like, Thank God I went on this. You know how many times I try to get off of this? I was like, two, three months in, I said, I'm feeling better, so I think I can stop now. She was like, Yeah, that's what they all say, and then they stop and then they have to get back on it. So I started taking this drug essentially at 29, right? So my 29th year of life was the first year that I've ever felt just like normal, which is like insane to think about. Because I'm just like, wait a minute. So people just be waking up and like feel fine. They don't just like have thoughts in their head all the time ruminating. And I and I realized another thing that I've realized in this whole experience was that a lot of people are walking around with undiagnosed mental health issues because just like me, right? I'm carrying around this thing, this depression, this anxiety, but like severe, right? And I was just dealing with it. And I'm like, there's so many people that's also just dealing with it because they don't think it's like that bad, but it actually like is. And sometimes it takes us getting really, really, really, really bad, right? That's when you actually have to like go get checked out and stuff. And that's essentially what happened with me, right? And I thank God for my therapist who was able to kind of just call it. Like, she was like, hey, the things you're saying, and like you're consistently coming back about this stuff. I think you need to get on medication. Well, she didn't like force me to get on medication, but she was like, I really think you need to look into this. And I'm so thankful that she did. I'm really thankful that she saw me in that moment because I really was carrying a lot and I did not, I didn't like I knew it was bad, but I didn't, like I would have never thought to go on medication. I just wouldn't have. It's crazy the difference, especially now, like a year later, even just like the season that I'm in. I done gained a couple pounds. And guess what? I'm not like sad about it, like how I used to be. Like, I would be like, this would have like ruined so much. Like it would have caused me to go in a spiral, right? But now I can just be like, well, you had a rough summer and you were eating to soothe your feelings, and this is a result, but that's okay. You can get back into the gym, fix up your eating habits, you'll be okay in a couple months. Oh my gosh! Like, wow. It's just, it's honestly so crazy. And again, what is really cool is the fact that my brain is silent. Like, that's how I realized like, oh, I used to have like reoccurring just negative thoughts all day long. All day long. And I did not realize how much it was until you know I got on medication. And like my brain is silent. It's incredible. And I know, like, you know, me being a Christian, I think also plays a part in all of this. And I know there's a lot of differing opinions in the Christian community regarding medication for mental health. Some people believe that mental health is, you know, spiritual, right? Maybe you need deliverance or you need to read the word. More and I mean to I to an extent I agree with some of this. Like, I think everything is spiritual, and I think you should like uh dive more into the word of God and things like that. I absolutely do, but I also know that I was doing all of these things I was reading. Well, yeah, I was reading the word, right? I was um praying, yeah. Like I was doing all those things, and I do think like life in itself is inherently spiritual, but at the end of the day, treatment exists for a reason. Like modern medicine, I think is also a gift from the Lord that we need to utilize, you know. I don't think it should be like one or the other. I think both can work in tandem. I that that's what makes sense to me. You know, I kind of think about it like with glasses, like when you're when your eyes starts, eyesight starts getting blurry, you're not saying, oh, it's a demon, go pray it away. No, you go get some glasses so you could see better, right? You have a headache. It could be a demon. I'm not saying it couldn't be. But at the same time, it's like you would also take Tylenol to relieve yourself from the pain. At the end of the day, what I've learned in this life of mine, and as I'm, you know, as I become an adult, is that ultimately I have to be my biggest advocate, and nobody is actually like experiencing the day-to-day like I am, right? You you cannot feel what I feel. You don't see what I see. You're not experiencing this, right? This life that I'm living. So even though people have opinions and advice and all that stuff, at the end of the day, I have to do what's best for me. And I knew that I had to get on medication. Like I was like, yeah, it's time. Like, let me, baby, I need to be alive to even read the word of God in the first place, right? Okay. So let's let's get to the point where I'm actually at a point where I am alive and the quality of life is okay, right? Where I can actually serve the Lord.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So, you know, I've actually had, funny enough, I've had like mentors, spiritual mentors, people in my life tell me, don't take those antidepressants because of XYZ. And it's like, again, I don't know if I necessarily disagree with her reasoning. Well, I think everyone is different, to be honest. And I don't know if I agree all the way. But either way, right? She was like of the opinion that like I shouldn't take um the meds. At the end of the day, like, she's not me and I'm not you. You know what I mean? And you want to know the the the craziest part about all this? That woman, not even in my life no more. Like, not even in my life anymore. So it's like, imagine if I would have decided to like listen to them instead of like honoring what I was actually experiencing and have been experiencing for years, right? And getting the treatment for it. I'm so happy at the end of the day, I chose myself and did what I was okay with and comfortable with, right? You know, as an adult, after a while, you have to be able to make informed decisions for yourself and make sure you're okay with the outcome, right? You're okay with the decisions that you make at the end of the day because it's you that has to live with it. One of the other arguments that I hear sometimes when it comes to just like medication and mental health stuff is that, you know, all of the all of that is simply just subduing the demon or like it's just a band-aid. And like to an extent, maybe it is, but you don't call glasses a band-aid. But the funny part about it is wearing glasses actually makes your eyesight worse. Wearing glasses makes your eyesight worse because you're no longer working your eye to like try to like see on its own, right? You're just like depending on the glasses now, right? But nobody tells you to take them off. Nobody's telling you to take them glasses off. They're not sitting there saying, read the word more so that you can see better. So I don't know. I feel like there's a little bit of hypocrisy there. Yeah, again, you just gotta make decisions for yourself at the end of the day. I don't know how long I'm gonna be on, you know, antidepressants, honestly. But it's been a year now, which is like crazy to think because I remember one of my psych nurse was telling me, like, let's see in six months to a year. And I was like, that is so far. I don't think I'm still gonna be on that medication. Baby, I'm here and I'm I'm enjoying it. All right. Life is smooth sailing. And you want to know one other thing that I really enjoy about this is that now I can actually like recognize when I'm really sad about something, right? Aside from just like always being sad. Like now when like something like really is sad or like making me feel some type of way, like I know, like, oh, I feel some type of way because even on the medication, I'm still sad. So I know, okay, this situation is really bugging me. I need to figure this out. I don't feel like numb or anything. I feel like some people they say like certain drugs, like maybe Lexapro or something, or Zoloft, I don't know. Some of them it can make them feel like a zombie or something. I don't feel that at all. Like, I feel pretty normal. Sometimes I do feel like something that I feel like maybe would have made me cry before. I I would, I don't cry. Like, I just be like, okay. But it's nice, like it's so nice to just be like, like just regulated. Like, okay, cool. All that to say, this experience has taught me that so many people are walking around undiagnosed with mental health issues. Please go get checked out. Honestly, life is hard, like, life can be difficult and challenging, but it should not be so challenging to the point that like your day-to-day is like terrible. All right. If it's starting to affect the quality of your life, please go get help. Please go get checked, okay? Go see the lady. All right. Um, and it makes me just feel for some people that like their whole lives got thrown away simply because they never got their mental health just checked out and in order, you know? All they really needed was a diagnosis as some medication. They just needed a treatment plan. And that's why I think it's so dangerous to just like not take mental health seriously or feel like that's the one area that now you've gotta like pray more. And it's like, nah, babe, pray. Please pray, petition the Lord, but also go get treated. We modern day science is there for a reason. It is really nice to put language to what I'm going through and what I've been going through, right? Because it's it's great because now I can also advocate for myself more, even when I didn't have medication or when I hadn't started medication yet, right? And I was just in therapy, knowing that I was dealing with depression and anxiety, I was able to at least start to inform the people that were close to me and like work closely with me about this so that they know that this is something that can come up. And then it helps so that it doesn't seem like I'm being rude, right? Or I'm just like checking out, right? And then also it allows me to have grace for myself and it gives them an opportunity to have a little bit more grace for me too. So all that to say, y'all, this is 29, 2025 was the first normal year I've ever had since I can really remember, you know, except for the first six months after giving my life to Christ. Yeah, that was that was a very peaceful time as well. I'm sharing all of this to put a name to it in case some of you out there listening um can relate in some way, or maybe you have somebody in your life that could be struggling. Like, there's a reason why they call depression like a silent killer, because it is really not something that sometimes you can see just from the outside looking in. And then a lot of times, if you start to even see the physical manifestation of it, right? Where the person is like removing themselves and retreating or doing having dangerous behaviors and things like that, like that should really tell you that something's really, really going on. It's actually a lot worse than you probably think. So, all that to say, you're not alone. Um, and I hope this wasn't I hope this was informative in some way. Um, again, I am just I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful for treatment. I'm thankful for to my therapist for seeing me and just advocating for me when I couldn't advocate for myself. And um yeah, cheers to growing, cheers to learning. Um, and yeah, I'm honestly like I can genuinely say from the bottom of my heart that I am excited for life. If you don't scream hallelujah right now, like that is like it's beautiful. Right? I feel like now I really could enjoy the Lord, you know, like first of all, cybar. Y'all, I feel like sometimes y'all glamorize depression and suffering because we're supposed to suffer with Christ. And then y'all use examples like Elijah the prophet when he was depressed with the Lord and things like that. And it's like that's cool and all, but I feel like if Elijah had the opportunity and access to medication, I think he would have taken it. I think he would have taken the antidepressants, and I think God would have allowed allowed it, honestly. Like if it was starting to affect his calling, why not? You know, it just so happens that it wasn't available at the at that time. There was no access to it. Now we have access to it. I don't I don't see why you shouldn't take it anyway. I'm going, I'm sorry, I'm going on a sandwich. You have to choose what's best for you. But what I know for me and my household and this body of mine, I'm finna take the mid. So yeah. Anyway, that's all I gotta say. I will talk to you guys next week. And next week, well, I don't know if it's gonna be next week, but the next conversation we talk about mental health, I'm also gonna talk to you guys about the ADHD diagnosis I got. Yeah, that's another one. All right, see you guys later.

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Chizi Duru

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