Autism & Achievement: Teaching Goal Setting from Childhood to Adulthood

In this episode, we talk all about setting goals with Alec and why goal setting matters for everyone — on the autism spectrum or not. Every individual deserves to feel pride, confidence, and a sense of accomplishment, and for some, that journey simply requires additional support and structure.

Alec has been setting goals from a young age. We started small with attainable, short-term goals and gradually built toward larger, yearly goals that support independence, confidence, and growth. Along the way, we’ve learned how powerful it is to break goals into manageable steps and celebrate progress at every stage.

We share how we’ve adapted goal setting over time, what’s worked, what we’ve adjusted, and why helping individuals on the spectrum experience success is just as important as the goals themselves. Whether you’re supporting a young child, a teen, or an adult with autism, this episode offers encouragement and practical ideas to help make goal setting meaningful and achievable — piece by piece.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Peace by Piece Autism Podcast with your hosts, Angie and Christy. They've worked 25 years to help Alec get the most out of life. Let them tell you how they're doing it. Welcome back to Peace by Peace Autism Podcast. We are glad you are here. Christy and I talk all about our years of experience with her youngest son, Alec. Alec has severe autism. He is nonverbal and he lives in Utah in a group home setting. He is the coolest 28-year-old I know, and he continues to grow and exceed our expectations for him. He's living his best life, and we want to share what we have learned along the way. So we're here in a new year. It's 2026. Happy New Year. And we know with a new year that brings goals and opportunities, and New Year's resolutions are often set by many. Alec is no different and surprises us as he continues to challenge himself in a lot of new ways. So we just want to kind of discuss what goals you can dream up for your own child. How can you get your child involved in creating their own New Year's resolutions? And what do we do to support Alec in his goals and all of that good stuff? So he has set his new goals for this year already, and they are fabulous. But this used to not be something that he did regularly because big goals can often feel super overwhelming and unrealistic. I know I feel that.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Yeah, I can't really set New Year's resolutions because I just won't do it. Yeah. I just won't do it. I don't, I don't know. I don't like it. It doesn't speak to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

I guess for me, like to feel accomplished and successful. And if it's too much of a big goal, I know I won't feel that. So I'm like, but I just am not even going to touch that with a 10-foot pole. And that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

And some days you're just trying to get through the day. Yeah. Amen. No. Just to think about a big old goal. It's like, just get me through this day. See, when you have kids on the spectrum, I think it's, you know, kids in general, Angie, of course. And then you got a person who's a little bit challenging to know how to, you know, navigate life with. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Make setting goals a little overwhelming. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

So traditional resolutions don't always work well for kids on the spectrum. And it hasn't always been successful for Alex. So a few, I guess, takeaways that that we just wanted to mention was first, big goals can feel overwhelming. And that's that's okay. They can be unrealistic, they can feel unattainable. And big goals don't have to be what you're what you're shooting for. So break those down and and start small. And then one big thing that I feel like I implement for myself and can be a huge success is just shifting your mindset from an outcome and instead of asking, what is it I want to change, or you know, what is this big goal going to be, but instead figuring out what systems can be put into place. How can I set myself up for success in a situation instead of having to totally change or have a mountain to climb? What small systems are.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Okay, but what do you mean by that? What do you mean? Like what is an example of that?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

So we'll go classic working out, right? I want to work out every single day or I want to get fit or whatever. That's often one that we hear. So a system we put in place to change or to make that attainable would be instead of getting up and putting my makeup on first, I'm now going to get up and put my workout clothes on first. Oh just setting a system or a routine, altering your routine to help you be successful within a goal.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Well, and we know that people on the spectrum tend to like routines and they work well within routine.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

So I want to be more organized. Well, I can't be more organized if I don't have a space set up with you know the proper hooks for different things or place for my jacket and my purse or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

So you're going to the container store first. Because I love a container store, you know, you can buy all these containers and they're gonna make you organized, right?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Yeah, so systems instead of got us an idea. I love that. And then knowing where your child is now and starting there, not in a comparison of where others are, yeah, and recognizing the differences are okay. It is okay that my child may not be where peers are, but they're working towards greatness, and that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Could you also use your data like could your data support some of this not comparing, but to look at the data that you've kept maybe in your child's programming to see the trends that are going in the right direction?

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Oh, absolutely. Because the next the next point was progress over perfection, right? If okay, yeah. So definitely looking back at data to see is there growth or is there trends in the right direction? We're not looking for perfection, it's just incremental, especially as you're facing a bunch of other behavior challenges or hormone changes and different things that maybe can't be totally controlled. We're we're taking baby steps. And I know you've been through those trenches and at places where progress maybe did seem stalled or stagnant in some areas. So I think that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

But I think that's another really nice thing about having like Angie comes up to Utah once a month as Alex consultant for ABA, apply behavior analysis that we still use for his programming. And it's nice to be able to have that month-long look. Okay, we're gonna see what we're gonna do, what goals do we need to set, or you know, what do we want to accomplish in the next month? And then it's kind of cut into a chunk of months instead of oh, what for 2026 are we going to accomplish? Totally. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Those smaller goals I think are just obviously much more attainable. And quick success is always great, and that will create that momentum. So consistency definitely outweighs intensity. We're not looking to add or weigh down anybody in any kind of way, but finding consistency and and allowing growth opportunities, I do think, is really great for these individuals who want to improve. I think Alec has shown this in especially in the last, I don't know, five to ten years, this sense of maturity and push and desire to do more and to have something to show for his day to day. He wants to get up and have purpose and goals give him that purpose. But that wasn't always the case for him. He's always been a hard worker, but we've not always had lofty goals for him.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

We had that one consultant come in, and I've I've said this before, who came in and said, you know, we were having trouble with him waking up in the morning when he was in adolescence. Yes, and he said to us, What does what reason does he have to get up? He has to have a purpose to get up and to achieve his goals, he needs to be driven to do something and have motivation. And so we started really looking at that.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Yeah, and it needs to be intrinsic.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Yeah, yeah, it has to be intrinsic, but to get to that point, you have to look at, you know, what can we do to support him so that that becomes an intrinsic drive for him. And it did. I mean, we worked at that and it it did become that as we found employment for him and we found the things that he felt like he was missing in life friends, connection. So yeah, and eventually moving out of our house and living in a group home setting.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

All of those experiences have have definitely driven him to want to do more of that, which is really cool. Like anyone, writing down goals, sharing and having support from others, visual trackers, all of these are helpful tools that we have used for him in a variety of ways. One example that comes to mind, this was about seven years ago. One of Alex's jobs was he was earning a paycheck. And with that money he was earning, he wanted to save and take a trip to Great Wolf Lodge, which is like a hotel, water park, and you know, all inclusive deal. Right. And so we said, yeah, we're going to figure out a way to support you here. We made a really cool thermometer tracking progress. What what would you call it? Visual chart. Chart. Yes. And each week when he got paid, we went and, you know, were able to move that red thermometer up a little bit more towards the goal and the estimated cost of what this trip would take for him to go and do. And that was a really rewarding event for him. So that was that was more of a big kind of a gnarly goal that took many, many weeks. But that constant check-in kind of became that weekly reward and push to keep going. So that consistency is is really crucial.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Yeah, and to be just be reminded of that. And that was when he was about 21 years old. Now it did take some time for him to get to that point where he could see uh a goal that was gonna be a little bit longer to achieve, and be able to, of course, we had to support him in being reminded of it and having a visual that he would see often.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, that delayed gratification or that delayed consequence and reward is not something that's gonna work for an eight-year-old. No, on or off the spectrum.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

There's so many things that you do not get for free. Free learning is a thing for people on the spectrum, and it's something that I had to learn when he was very young, that we wouldn't get a lot of stuff for free as far as his learning. Yeah, that's a good thing. I feel like we are getting some things for free now, but it's not it's not like we didn't work for them. But now that he is kind of an adult, he is an adult, he's 28, but I mean, mentally, intellectually, he has had some maturity that's kind of come for free from the things that we built a foundation on. And this was one of them. It's like working towards something where you weren't gonna get a delayed gratification.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Yeah. So no, I love that. So I mentioned Alec made his New Year's resolutions, goals for himself this year. Do you want to tell us about those, Christy? Because they are awesome.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

I do. I was really excited to get him back home after the holidays, and then he sat down with a caretaker yesterday and she said, I think we're gonna go over goals today. And I was like, Oh, that's cool. I'm glad she thought of that. And and so she made this cute little visual on a whiteboard, and he made a list of uh five things that he wanted to have as goals. I mean, I'm gonna just name a couple of them. Uh, his first one is that he wants to make new friends, and this is really cool because I'm telling you, he has so many more friends today than he had when he was younger, and it was literally Angie's sweet brother was his friend. Yeah. Now it's like, I feel like he has a lot of friends. He's got so many, but he wants to make more. And then another one was ask more questions in conversation. And because he talks with a letterboard, it is a lot of work for him to tap out every letter. So I really appreciate that. And Angie was Angie and I were beaming with pride at him wanting to do that because of course that's what one of our goals would be too.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

So 100% is, and he's worked so hard these last several months. We've had a big push, like you were saying. Yes. When I'm up there, it's like, okay, team, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna work on increasing spontaneous communication. Here's how we're gonna practice it. Here's how we're going to try and elicit opportunities for Alec. And that's gone through the roof. But I think because he's seen some success there, he's going, oh, this is actually really fun to be engaged and a part of the team's chatter. And so for him to make a goal to be more conversational, I was just like, I know.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

But can you imagine how long our team meeting is gonna be now? Because our last team meeting interrupted 10 times, at least with a question or comment. But we do love his input. We love his input, so we have to reinforce, reinforce on that one. Yep, I love that this was a poll.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

That's my favorite one.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

But like making new friends, okay. We're gonna we're gonna really be able to support that because we have some ideas about how already how we were just brainstorming it a few minutes ago. Angie and I were how how will we make new friends? Well, he's got uh work friends. He's got work friends who haven't who he hasn't really seen outside of work. He sometimes sees them at this church meeting he goes to on Thursday nights. But he for the most part doesn't see them outside of work, and maybe we could try to have one of them over to his house or they should get together at a park or something if the weather allows. Um so that would be one way that we could support him in that in that. And then we're gonna, of course, have this whiteboard up so that he can see the goals. We'll probably print it out on a piece of paper and put it above his calendar or something so that he sees it very often. That's another way that we will support the goal. And then his asking more questions and conversation. I mean, we'll probably just keep going along the way that we are, where we're just really, really reinforcing his using the board, pulling the board spontaneously and having that and making sure that we pause enough that we allow him to be part of the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Our team does a really good job of hyping him up and helping him feel like he could do anything. And so he already has this really great support with the team, and they love to bring their friends and introduce roommates and other friends to Alec, and so you know that expands his friend group, his team, obviously, though they become good friends.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

It's so nice to see things happen organically, yes, and just seeing the team say, Oh, I'm going to invite this person to go do do this thing with us, or we're all gonna get together at the park and do this, and I'm inviting a couple of friends, and it it's just Alec just loves it.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

It's become I of course we we try and figure out ways to support him, but it is quite natural to just say, Oh, this is what you want to do. We got you, we got you. Yeah, yeah. Thinking back to when he was a little tyke and all the way to he should have done it today with his team member, we have a lot of small-scale daily schedule goals where he is getting access to task completion with reward within every day of his schedule. And so if you are a parent or a caregiver of someone who is on the younger side and you want to start implementing task completion or setting goals and having somewhat of a delay for the reinforcer, just start with a daily schedule of sorts. These things need to get done, X, Y, and Z. Alec was at a point pretty early on where he could have some choice in what X, Y, and Z were. And then, okay, once we complete this, what would you like to do? We can go grab lunch, we can pack a lunch and take it to the park, we can go to the library, whatever reinforcers or rewards might be, you know, watching a show, whatever it may be. And so those small-scale daily schedules, we were able to really instill with him when I work hard, we play hard, and it feels good. And so I think those little things have really helped Alec again find purpose and meaning to want to do more and to have a drive to set goals, and he knows that we'll support him through those, which I just love to see.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Another thing I really liked whenever he was younger that we would do is whenever a consultant would come in to see him, or someone who hadn't seen him in a while. And he was, we were looking through his programming, and we were saying, Oh, he has, you know, five different programs that are running right now where he's learning whatever the skill was that we were working on. We would say to him before or the day the the consultant would arrive, we would say, What things do you want to show off?

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

We knew the things that we wanted a consultant to see and get feedback on. And of course, we were gonna look into those things, but we also to kind of get him involved when he was younger, we would just say, What do you want to show off is what we called it. And then he would buy into that better and and like, oh yeah, okay, so I have some say in this and how my day is gonna be shaped.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Yeah, and I've worked hard at these things and I've yeah, I've learned since since they saw me last. So I love that. I just think there's so many ways to implement some goals and to allow these individuals to feel a sense of pride, accomplishment, and success. And it does not have to be because it sure is not for myself, setting some goal that is big, hairy, and scary. That's just it's not for everybody. But I do appreciate adding something to my to do list. That I can physically write down and check off. I wrote one today, and it does, it just feels so satisfying to be able to put a big old check mark next to some things that need to be done.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

So yeah. The other thing we have done too that has to do with setting goals is doing his ski goals. He does those separately. Yeah. Because that is his big sport that he does and he takes it very seriously. And he's got a ski instructor he's had for going on six years. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

And so they get together when they get their ski passes. And I think we've talked about this in past podcasts that they set goals. They're just about four goals, maybe, maybe three. Blake will the ski instructor will plan out how they're going to accomplish these goals, and he'll remind Alec of the goals when they get together. And that's another way that we use goals. But they're not overwhelming and they're not very specific. Yeah. Blake will spell out this is yes, I think this is achievable to do this. What we're gonna have to do is this. Right. He gives he lays it out for him so that it just breaks it down into little little steps.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Yeah, there's nothing like seeing a sense of accomplishment or pride within Alec or anybody when they've achieved their goals. So we definitely encourage you to find ways to help your child learn and grow in new ways and challenge themselves and stretch a little bit more, even if we're starting out on a daily schedule, because that's been a long time useful tool in Alex's life that he still uses today. And because of that foundation has really grown to bigger and better things. Totally agree. Thanks for joining us today. That's a wrap for our episode of Peace by Piece Autism Podcast. If you're loving these conversations as much as we are, hit that follow button, share the show, and help us spread the word because every piece of the story matters. You can find us on Instagram and Facebook at Peace by Piece Autism Podcast. That's P I E C E Peace by Piece Autism Podcast. We'll talk soon. Until then, bye. Bye.